A more physically ‘perfect’ or glamorous woman needn’t always cause jealousy amongst other women, but a beautiful, feminine woman can cause enormous jealousy.

If you’ve always been a beautiful and feminine woman, you would have experienced countless jealous looks and perhaps even jealous schemes, engineered by other women. It’s everywhere. And you can be a plain Jane and cause this jealous stir among other women, because you have something other women feel they do not; the amazing and mysterious force of femininity.

And, jealous women can be women on the street whom you don’t know, or even a jealous friend or jealous friends, in the form of ‘frenemies’ – friends who sometimes seem like a friend, and other times seem to want the worst for you. (Click here to take the quiz on “How Naturally Feminine Am I Actually?”)

Good looks do not keep a man. Every woman knows this deep down. And a physically gorgeous woman; even a famous woman crowned the most beautiful woman in the world, cannot have it all. Take Halle Berry for example, having been cheated on or left by every man she’s been with. Take Marilyn Monroe, who died way before she should have. Take Elle Macpherson, who in her 40s still has gorgeous looks, and yet she hasn’t held or kept a man. Take for example the large number of famous women who have committed suicide or died of some sort of drug overdose. No amount of beautiful looks or fame will fulfill a woman. You can be the most beautiful woman on earth, and still feel unloved.

But when a woman is truly feminine, she tends to never ever be short of men in her life if she’s single, or if she’s taken, she may find it hard to fight off her man’s adoring, admiring affections even if she wanted to. 🙂

Jealousy on Fire

More often than not, a loving, devoted and amazing man in another woman’s life will cause jealousy on fire in some other women.

More often than not, even if a feminine woman is single, other women will hate her, for no reason other than the fact that this woman has something that they feel is out of reach for them; true, radiant femininity and consequently, beautiful! Which is the ultimate attractor of masculinity. Every woman can achieve true femininity, but not every woman does. In fact, women who are jealous are often not even really aware of what this other woman has that she doesn’t. All she knows is that she wants what she’s got, deep down.

Feminine women attract male attention. Feminine women can have the pick of the bunch, and yes, feminine women CAN have it all. Because true femininity is radiant and gives love. It is love and it is a force for life. Feminine energy is adored by men who are masculine at their core (most men), and regardless of her looks, a woman like this may still get the pick of the bunch.

Throughout the course of your life, (if you follow the femininity movement and embrace your feminine sexual core), you will most definitely encounter a trail of hateful and angry women. Regardless of your age. Jealousy isn’t just incited in other women only when you’re young and beautiful. It occurs simply if you are beautiful. And femininity is beautiful. Men will jump hoops to protect it, love it, embrace it and chase it.

Jealous women may just give you a nasty look, a hateful sideways glance, and if you’re lucky, they may bitch about you behind your back. If you’re unlucky, jealous women will go out of their way to bring you down.

And in this heavily masculine ambition driven society, there are plenty of them. Because women suppress their feminine energy to get things done, and to conform. So they don’t often get what they truly want to experience. Which is love.

Ultimately, we’re all looking for a feeling, and more often than not, most women want to fill up with love and to give love. Masculine women don’t tend to attract this in to their lives. So if you are feminine, you’ll have something that they feel they are missing out on, yet don’t quite know what it is or how to achieve it.

And life is unfair to start with. So we don’t all have the same opportunities. We’re not all born with stunning looks, and we’re not all given the requisite knowledge to live happy, fulfilling lives and to enjoy enriching and fulfilling intimate relationships and marriages.

Now if you’re a very feminine woman, you will most likely not feel a great deal of jealousy if you see another beautiful woman who is truly happy. In fact, you’ll most likely be really happy for her and want to revel in this happiness with her. Even if you do not have it yourself! This may be because you feel you too, can have what she has.

You are a rare creature 🙂 not all women can revel in the good fortune of another woman.

If you are the kind of woman who feels guilty being in the spotlight, and although you feel and enjoy being feminine, find it hard to fully enjoy it without feeling bad about taking away the spotlight from other women.

Never dull your femininity to make other women feel like they are enough.

There’s a reason why anti-feminists often say that it is unattractive women who instigated the first and subsequent waves of feminist movements. (please note: I don’t know how accurately researched this video is, and I am aware that it is not necessarily true that it is solely unattractive women who instigate and support Feminist movements). However, I understand their position and can see why they perceive this to be the truth.

And unattractive is not purely physical. I believe a woman can actually change her looks and become uglier on the outside through her internal thought processes.

One way in which you can deal with jealousy is by befriending the jealous woman and lead her to feel more confident in herself, and being more giving to her. Giving her reasons to feel loved and accepted. That will bring out a different side to her. And, you can show other women who are less confident that they can have, and deserve to have everything that they want and need. However, there are times when women just don’t want to change or feel truly great about themselves. In these cases, you’ve just got to do some serious ‘pattern-breaking’; breaking of their patterns/habits! 🙂

How to deal with jealous women

If you find yourself in a situation in which you are surrounded by oppressive women who you can sense are not only talking about you behind your back, but actively do things behind your back to bring you down, it’s time to take action. Because you cannot let women like this walk all over you. A woman still has to be able to put her foot down when it is needed. (read my article about passive, aggressive and difficult women)

You may believe that a feminine woman should just stay quiet and perhaps just sacrifice her own needs to avoid being around these women. Not true.

I have said before that a feminine woman needs to have a masculine part to her as well; and this is a situation in which you need to go in to more masculine mode to stand up to women like this.

A story

I’ll give you an example. In my own life, I’ve experienced being in a workplace full of women several times. This time last year I was working as a perfume ambassador. Whilst in some places, women in this type of occupation would be quite feminine (and there were a couple where I worked), there were a few very masculine and butch women. (Click here to take the quiz “How High Value High Status Am I on Facebook?”)

On my first day, I encountered a young woman who also worked as a perfume ambassador, just for a different agent. I adore people, so I cheerfully introduced myself and intended to make a friend. Before I noticed the energy she was putting out. She had no interest in befriending me, in fact she immediately asserted herself as a manager, but made her position sound higher than what it really was. Because I was new there, I was easy to fool.

We shall call her ‘B’.

Immediately, B was asserting herself upon me and I was following her commands, although I actually wasn’t obligated to follower her commands. But she was still very oppressive, and I made the mistake of getting stuck in a ‘master-servant’ type role with her, which was very uncomfortable.

B’s intentions showed up more when I needed her expertise to guide me to where to find items, where other products were located, etc. She would never be concise and accurate. She was always deliberately vague, so much so that I had no idea where she was pointing me to. She wanted me to keep asking her, and ultimately, look foolish. I unfortunately let myself fall in to this role with her repeatedly.

She also knew I was never taught to use a register, and that it wasn’t a part of my job to be able to use one; yet she would tell me to put things through the register in front of a customer, and walk away without offering assistance.

During these incidents, I had to ask her repeatedly for directions and she would roll her eyes at me when I couldn’t follow her instructions. I kept on with this situation because I didn’t really want to believe that she could be so deliberately manipulative.

I noticed also, that her behavior got worse when my man came to visit me at work. He did this often, and was always very affectionate, protective and loving. He often picked me up from my shifts. Sometimes he would bring me a drink or food for my lunch break, and other times he just came briefly, to see how I was. I began to sense that every time he did come to see me, she would pull another woman aside, and talk about me and point at myself and David.

Over time, I noticed that the other women who I thought I had made friends with stopped wanting to talk to me. I felt left out and excluded. I ended up in tears in the ladies’ room, and found it hard to work. I found it hard to push on in this environment, and the energy was very bad.

One day her and another colleague were talking, and she confessed that she had never been on a date (she is 24, nearly 25) or had a man interested in her. I felt bad for ‘B’, and thus continued indicating that I was still open to her, and open to befriending her in some way, as I am with most people.

Until one day I met another colleague from a different department who told me how she was in tears one day after work because of the way ‘B’ had been treating her. I was forced to acknowledge that ‘B’ was preying on seemingly ‘weaker’ and softer women, who were more feminine, and more vulnerable, as this new colleague I met was very feminine.

And this is the trouble with being a very feminine woman. Whilst the majority of men will love you for it, and not want to hurt you in any way, there will be women who will want to put you down. Women, I find, tend to be different around other very feminine women. I’ve met women who love this and feel at home with other feminine women, but I’ve also come across women who smell femininity from a mile away and proceed to trample all over it. I personally love women, and celebrate femininity.

You’re probably wondering how I ended up dealing with ‘B’. One morning, I noticed that one woman whom had always been nice to me stopped talking to me completely and starting being very snarky. I had a sneaking suspicion it had something to do with B. So I took the liberty of confronting my friend and asked. Indeed, B had told her, among other things, a blatant lie about me.

So I went up to B and confronted her in front of every employee, stating to her that she shall come to me from now on, to tell things to my face, rather than telling fibs behind my back. I proceeded to ask her why she was doing it, and I hadn’t seen myself cause fear in another woman for a long time, but I had to do it to liberate myself and to show her that I wasn’t going to tolerate her behavior.

The point of my story is to show that there are scenarios in which a feminine woman must assert herself and go in to more of a masculine mode. It’s all part of being a dynamic and whole woman who is able to bring out different sides of herself when it is needed. (read my article about light and dark feminine)

You need to raise your level of masculinity, become even more masculine than them, to bring things back to a little more fairness.

When confronted with jealous women, or even other aggressive women who disrespect you or your womanliness, it is important to stand your ground, rather than shy away from it. I learned this lesson, as I let the situation go on a lot longer than I should have!

Bring out the goddess in you, download your “Goddess Report”.

Do you have any strategies to deal with jealousy from other women? Or do you have any juicy stories? Feel free to share with us 😀

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377 Comments

  • Shiva says:

    Thank you for this article and I also appreciate all the other women’s comments. I had been looking for something like this for a while online because when I brought this topic up, people would look at me like they had no idea what I was talking about, including female friends. I felt alone until I read this. I am 40 and I have dealt with jealous women’s passive aggressive and sometimes aggressive attacks on me in all sorts of forms (from strangers to acquaintances to colleagues) since my 20s. They would get jealous if they thought I was prettier or smarter than them, or the shorter ones who had issues with their heights attacked because I am tall… or if I walked confidently down the street smiling, young women would try to walk into me or block me physically, out of their insecurities… just on and on. It caused a lot of stress for me and sometimes isolated me, especially if someone was spreading false rumors about me and enacting relational aggression. Thoughts about how to defend myself– whether I should say something or not, whether I should be polite or nasty back– kept running in my head, stressing me out. I sometimes thought I should look dumpy or not walk straight and confident to avoid attack. But I am learning that their problem is theirs and I should continue to glow and be myself no matter how often they attack. I am so glad other women know what I am talking about and have gone through it, because it makes me feel like I finally have a community that understands. And after reading others’ comments, I feel like any response we have at the time of a jealous woman’s attack is ok… whether we ignore the person, fight back, or whatever else… we are trying our best each moment in the face of severely insecure women. Now I just calmly say “insecure” and keep going when one of them tries to walk into me or block me. I always tell myself, the problem is theirs and I will make it through– but they have to live and sleep with their insecurities and self-hatred. That for me is their karma. Thank you so much everyone for understanding and for sharing.

    • April Rose says:

      I almost cried when I read your comment because I was also looking for an article that is as substantial as Renee’s post. I was born very feminine, sweet and vulnerable. Since I was the only girl in the family, my femininity only shines brighter through time. I also had the same problem like you when it comes to jealous women. Contrary to your tallness, I am short. But I was discovered to join modeling ( I think it’s because of my feminine energy) and then I am also in graduate school. Jealous women will criticize me with degrading words and body languages (i.e. eye rolls) indicating like “who do you think you are”. I also experience being gossiped and bitched about behind my back. I can barely remember how many instances I have cried because of frenemies of jealous women. I used to get ostracized from circle of friends because of the smear-campaigning and other tactics of insecure women. Now I understand why I experience the put-downs a lot. But my feeling is finally validated. It is not just a crazy thought– I am not the only woman who suffered from the jealousy of insecure women. Thank you so much for the enlightenment, my beloved tribe of feminine women. I am happy to come across you online. Cheers to a beautiful life!

  • Lisle Von Rhoman says:

    Again?

  • Lisle Von Rhoman says:

    Where did my comments go?

  • Lisle Von Rhoman says:

    Seeing that my comment appeared, I will keep this tab open and amaze you with stories much like your own. Not one upping here but I’ve got some doozies. Many similar but many with a higher degree of sickness. I’m the most kindest person I know besides my sister. I come from a land in which kindness and hospitality are our claim to fame.

    Reading the comments here have overwhelmed me with feelings of warmth and compassion for the victims. Many actually caused me chills of fear as the buried abuses of my own came to light.

    I just have one issue here with the site owner’s perception. Just one…and I haven’t seen it mentioned throughout my pouring over each comment. So grateful for this blog.

    This has nothing to do with current gender politics as I’ve figured this out years ago. Femininity/Masculinity or a hybrid of both.

    I’ve fell victim to two kinds of envious women and even effeminate gay men. So there’s three types with their own agenda. Maybe four if you add in male and female closet homosexuals.

    I’ve found that feminine woman find me a threat as a superior type of woman with qualities they wished they owned. But then there were the tomboyish/butch girls and women who were secretly attracted to me. They could be 5 years old or 60 years old. They were playing out the torture young boys feel when they’re attracted to a girl. Male homosexuals fall into the former category of vying for straight men they secretly coveted themselves.

    Being the ideal infant, child, teen then adult who possesses a dichotomy of masculine and feminine traits is a societal death sentence. Straight men go crazy for this kind of woman. Proudly displaying their human prop, dead ringer for Grace Kelly with such elegance and fine bone structure as a wedding date. Ultimate refinement. Yet she’s educated, plays multiple instruments and jumps out of airplanes for excitement. She’ll make her own bed frame, fix a leaky roof and will rescue any animal in need. Spent a lot of time with Dad and boy was Mom jealous and bitter. But Mom couldn’t stop her once she was free of her inferiority complex and clutches of her own daughter. Resented my world travel, all on my own dime. Frugal and investment wise.

    Female friends? Yeah, right. Fake friends trying to take me down. My own childhood friend whose parents live across the street is calling the town code enforcer over things nobody in this neighbor hood would dream of bitching about. She stops by to visit her parents on occasion and looks for anything to bring me down. The town inspector found me in a back brace and knew the deal. Lots of cats running around. Three lost feral cats who have lived here 10 years and the neighbors love them. Yet if you roll by her home, you’ll see its a carbon copy of my fine Kyoto design just done poorly because she’s never been, no less lived on Japan. All the neighbors take my lead. This woman is 50 f’ing years old! This just happened last week. It never ends. I’m so sorry I was born better than you. Must I still be punished for superior genetics? That’s my crime, huh.

    Stay tuned because I have stories from my past that will make your toes curl. As far as employment, envious women might as well be stealing food off of my table. I could be a quadriplegic in a wheelchair and they’ll still envy me for something.

    Stay with me.

  • Lisle Von Rhoman says:

    Just checking if these comments are still viable because they’ve been around for awhile. That avatar photo is not me. It’s a reminder of an absolute nutcase I photographed at a Christmas party two years ago. I was 48, she was 52. It’s a constant reminder that age does not cure insecure women of envying a better woman cut from a finer cloth.

  • Dangerous Chicken says:

    I understand you completely. I have been going through this most my adult life and it doesn’t get better, but you become stronger. My two sisters (I’m the middle) are complete witches to me and have been since childhood. Its become so bad that I fear they’d kill me if they could, maybe shove me off a cliff or poison me. I’m now learning that I must stay away from them and its sad. They hate when I wear makeup or dress up which is always, because I enjoy makeup and feminine things. My youngest sis becomes the exorcist when she sees a guy turn to look at me, lol not kidding! This will send her raging for months and she makes me pay by being short with me, making cruel jabs, disagreeing with everything I say, oh and commenting of my age being that I’m only 3 years older than she. She tries to make me feel like I’m 100!. Whatever she can do to hurt me she will. She’s emotionally abusive a

  • Anna C says:

    This article is an oldie but goodie! Thanks Renee! If a woman wants to put another woman down, even subconsciously, that is competitive behavior, and that is masculine. You’re right in recommending a more masculine approach!

    I was thinking of 2 types of women: The insecure types who are desperate to find men, and the secure types who enjoy life and are open and authentic to everyone. The insecure types put out such bad energy, and are usually the ones that need to be healed but they are the most dangerous. Hurt people hurt people, right? I’ve found in my experience that the insecure types usually are not in a loving relationship, and thus, I stay away and distrust those types. Then there are the secure types who are most often in a loving relationship (some are single too) whom I can connect with “securely.” Until a woman becomes secure enough in herself, it will be hard to find a lasting relationship, because there will be a lack that the man is expected to fill. These are the types most likely to be the “jealous competitive” types you explain above.

    It’s tough to avoid them. I wish I knew a woman like you where I worked! I’d love to be friends with a higher value woman who is authentic and above all this competitiveness and jealousy.

    Thanks for the article! 🙂

  • sugarnspicelass says:

    I am going through this myself with a few women I work with. The place I work is about 99% females (which we know brings this out more when there are so many women together). I approach my job as someone who does all I can to help and support my co-workers, working hard, and doing what I think is right. Despite this (or maybe because of this?), I work with a few women who think I’m a good target for criticism, petty remarks, badmouthing behind my back, and scapegoating.

    Being naturally feminine, I have always been a sensitive girl, who underneath it all tries to show kindness to others and prefers to get along with everyone (if possible). Logically I know not everyone is going to like me, and I’ve come to accept that more as I’ve gotten older (when I was a little girl it crushed me when someone was mean to me or didn’t like me). Now I know it is a part of life, not everyone is gonna like you, but there’s still a little part of me that feels a little hurt when women are unkind to me or don’t like me.

    Lucky for me, I do have several co-workers who are good friends who stand beside me, other feminine women who are confident in themselves and whose default setting is to show kindness toward others. That helps a lot in getting through those incidents.

    Needless to say it just makes work so much more stressful, when nothing you do is good enough, when co-workers (whom you try to help in any way you can) talk about you behind your back, and try to scapegoat you. I really didn’t understand why grown women can’t be counted on to be professional and mature, but instead act like little Mean Girls who never grew up. One who used to act this way stopped after years of “killing her with kindness” but unfortunately there are still some who still behave this way. But reading this really helped me get perspective Renee. It has also helped me to not take it as personally and in a weird way view it as a compliment. Thank you for writing this!

  • Goodall Lesley says:

    Just returned from France. The women seemed to be worse there. Still I have read there is no true love there and their main hobby and conversation is sex.

  • Serene Meadow says:

    I have always been very feminine, and have experienced my share of such behavior. It’s so sad and ridiculous. I don’t want to be competitive, only happy.

  • Beentheredonethat says:

    The only way to avoid it is to find the company of women with similar traits and muturity level or otherwise more mature in their outlook. Insecure women will hate you for anything they percieve as lacking in themselves (intelligence, youth, beauty, God help you if you have all 3), especially if you aren’t constantly trying to play it down and instead are holding your own with the guys at work instead of being the dumb bimbo they can laugh at making them look bad. Such women have no interest in excellence an collaboration, they’re toxic across the board amd wherever they go trouble follows.

  • Jennifer says:

    I’m currently in a very similar situation. I’ve dealt with jealous women most of my life. One would think that this catty behavior would end in high school but at 34 years old it’s still an issue. I try to tell myself that I’m doing nothing wrong….that my bosses behavior towards me is just a reflection of her own insecurities,but sometimes it gets really hard to deal with. I’ve broken down at work on countless occasions. The last thing i want to do is let her know she’s getting to me,but sometimes it’s just too much. I’m always so nice to everyone (including her and other women who display the same behavior). I make every attempt to show people that I’m not conceded, friendly with everyone,down to earth and i work A LOT harder than most people in my company, and yet she clearly displays favoritism every day in an attempt to make me feel worse. It’s really not fair being made to feel like the outcast when I’m great at my job. No one should have to change the way they look or dumb themselves down to make someone else feel good about themselves and treat them with respect. I’ve considered keeping a log of every thing she says and does to prove her discrimination , but fear somehow it will only make matters worse. Some people just can’t handle power. I honestly think people should be analyzed by a psychiatrist before being put into positions of authority to ensure they’re capable of leading without bias.

  • dove says:

    sometimes it is very difficult when women gang up to start harassing a women.

  • Sue says:

    Unfortunately i’ve had the experience of very femenine woman talking at my back and being quite careful on spread her lies between men colleagues, and for what? I do not understand, cause there is clearly no competition here, they already adore her, she does not need to worry about me.

    I am the nerd in the group, the one with high studies and degrees and i do not consider myself as a femenine queen not a tomboy either, but according to your model i shoul be the one envying and causing problems to my colleague but it is the other way around. I dont even have the time to worry about this but it has for sure trigger mora tha one annoying situation.

    • Elysha says:

      No, not really. Even if those women who are jealous seem feminine, they are still it seems very insecure and immature. Not everyone who seems feminine has confidence. We were talking more of “inner beauty” that is a natural thing in which you don’t have to flounce around or try to be anything you are not. You might just seem comfortable the way that you are. And you said you also are more educated with degrees? Well, there you go. I come across as being feminine, but I’ve never tried to be that way and don’t put on airs and seldom even wear makeup any more, and like you, I also am well educated with university degrees, and I’ve travelled very well as well, and I think they are jealous of all these things. Even back when I was very shy, they were still jealous of me; it’s like they just saw something special and original about me that they felt they didn’t or couldn’t have, so they took it out on me instead of trying to improve themselves or even like themselves the way they are. And I wasn’t even that confident back then! And I never tried to tick them off; I’d just tried to get along with everyone. But still, that meant I wasn’t hardened like them and I was also more academic. I was feminine too but anyway they were and are I guess jealous of the whole package, and maybe even jealous that I’ve had all these qualities and hardly even noticed them. I’ll bet you there’s something like that with you, too. Feminine isn’t about acting artificial and flouncing around with long nails and fashions and so on. That’s affectation. I’ll bet you have some really special things about you anyway and it’s even more special since you don’t try to be that way; you just are that way.

    • Elysha says:

      P.S. In fact, from what you tell me about this girl, she seems like a superficial airhead, so naturally she is jealous of you. That’s not feminine. I’m no airhead but I’ve always seemed feminine even when I didnt know that I did. Regardless, I think she just tries to be “feminine” — her definition of it which is probably just “superficial” since she is insecure. And she’s jealous since you are probably more intelligent and not trying to be anything; just being yourself. You probably have a lot more to you than you are aware of as well.

  • Mich Alphonso says:

    I just had one of these exact situations yesterday and came on this site just to understand what the French toast was her problem. I am 37 years old but apparently don’t look my age and she looked like she was very young. When I first saw her I addressed her and her friends saying “hi ladies” (as I always adress my coworkers with respect)with a smile and was very polite to them. I sensed she didn’t like me at first glance when her friends smiled and said hi but she looked me up to down and turn the other way. Sort of got an idea that it was my appearance she had a problem with when she started to talk about my physical appearance when it had nothing to do with looks, but couldn’t understand for the life of me why she wanted to start a fight with me.
    Here’s what I learned yesterday!!!!!!!!! If you’re genuinely a good person no one will believe a bully anyway. You don’t have to lower down to their level and start calling names. Just be as lady like as you possibly can and talk to her like she can’t effect your grade. People who know you will never believe anything she says anyway and you can walk a way feeling like a good person with control. I know that this is not always this simple especially when dealing with someone you have to see everyday but it can work if it’s a one time encounter. My coworkers backed me up and my boss apologised to me because they knew me to be a better person. So if anyone is going through something like this just know that it’s your beauty within that they’re afraid of, you’re probably perfect in her eyes even though she hates that about you.💛

    • Elysha says:

      This really helps me to feel better. I just had a situation like this today where some people in a group I attend put me down. When people do that, you feel manipulated to focus on defending yourself so they take your attention away from the real problem behind their behaviour, which is probably that they feel insecure about something when they compare themselves with you. I mean, one of the people put me down in front of everyone for something in which I am actually better than that person (won’t get into what it is). If I’d thought of the reason behind their putting me down, I’d have seen it immediately, but instead since I’m sensitive it just put me on the defensive. Later, I realized what had happened. And later a couple of others in the group put me down for something else, but this one was more related to my being more polite and caring than them. Anyway I wont be going back to that group now that i know what they are like. But basically, you are quire right in what you said. We know that bullies or hurtful people always try to tear others down since they see something in them (I mean in us) that they see themselves as lacking. And because we are “nice” people, our first reaction might be to focus on “making things right”, so we don’t notice at first that those other people are just projecting their insecurities onto us. But as you said, they are afraid of our beauty which they see (inner and/or outer) and our demeanours, something which comes natural to us and is not affected, so we hardly notice it ourselves, and we somehow seem “perfect” in their eyes and they feel afraid of it, so they lash out and try to tear it down. Thanks for encouraging me and others like us.,

  • Real Woman says:

    Wow so pathetic and childish @person B. Ive delt with jealous women for so long now that Im not even interested in making any new women friends after cutting off the last one I dealt with. Women have acted jealous of me rather I am single or taken! Women who are also beautiful themselves have also behaved in jealous behavior towards me. Its really ridiculous.

  • Jenny from the Flock says:

    This is some of the worst writing I’ve ever read. Life isn’t that black and white, and it sure as he’ll isn’t about keeping a man. It’s about living and loving your real self, not some poorly-written tripe about being feminine.
    Also, this post is a bit homophobic.

  • Samah says:

    I know that feeling very well.and I dealt with it since my teen years.I never considered myself “beautiful” and i still feel like soo many of the girls around me and my friends do everything they can to make themselves the more beautiful and better and smarter by putting others down.and I still forgive.I was always the humble quiet girl that doesn’t want problems.
    Few months ago I want to a new place for training and i met a girl from the first second we met I felt like she was giving me that ” look” I think soo many of you experience,she was so rude to me.and we don’t even know each other and i haven’t done anything to her.I left that place .
    Anyway that’s part of life I think.if I wanna be my truest self a lot of people will hate,it’s their problem..
    And a lot of female friends specially hate this ,they want you less than them so that they are better than you.
    I wonder where are the rare good female friends who support each other and celebrate their femininity and feed each other.
    But that’s fine. Thanks for this amazing articles renee it feels great to know that this is part of a lot of women’s journey 🙂
    Your so beautiful Renee

  • R.White says:

    i do get hate from women, didnt know how feminine i was, so i took the quiz and it says 70% feminine, but they sent me an email on the explaination and i actually think i might be a bit higher like 75% or 80%. some questions i just put none of the above cause i didnt know how i would reply. but i dont think 70% is enough to generate hate. i get hated on by women, i dont know what it is that drives them to be insecure, cause im nice and cordial and actually stay to myself mostly, and they still was insecure. and men? for some reason men single me out alot, or nitpick at me, so i would assume they hate me too. *shrugs*
    but i do be getting the buzz in my ear about how alot of them compliment me, *rarely say it to my face though*

  • habeshawit says:

    I hope I won’t run into the issue of being jealous of younger girls when I reach the age of 50, 60 or 70; one of the reasons I am interested in psychoanalysis, psychology and self-actualisation etc is to ensure that I don’t run into these kinds of shitty situations when I am older.

  • Carli says:

    i work with two female haters – thanks for the compliment girls-!!

  • MysteryGirl says:

    Great read ! I had a girl friend that stopped talking to me altogether, and before she stopped things wasn’t going to good for her! Things have never really been fair to her and I was supportive, comforting, and a really good friend to her. Like you, I’m in A relationship and been married to my hubby 3short years and he jumps through hoops for me. He is awesome! we have two incomes so Yea I’d have extra money and we’d do lunch together frequently. She’d even carpooled with me because she live close by. She’d be real quiet when my hubby picked us up on days his car was in the shop and we’d be done to one. She is very attractive, however she has been single for awhile. I understand how she feel, she usually have a depressed demeaner and I’d encourage her. I just didn’t understand it. I did nothing wrong but felt hurt. I have tried confronting her after work one day, and I wanted to offer her a ride and she ignored me like I wasn’t even there, so it was the end of our friendship.

  • luvpolitics . says:

    Thank you for that Renee! I am a man here, a masculine gay man, and I found your post through a Google search for which I was seeking dialogue on “how to deal with jealous people/coworkers,” and I am so glad I did! While I may not be a woman, it was insightful and therapeutic to read about your experiences as a humble, beautiful and feminine woman, as I have seen women such as yourself go through MUCH WORSE, but never could really recognize it as I was a “man,” and felt men did not have to deal with such issues. But recently, my experiences have changed as my new living environment (Washington, DC) has exposed my to a myriad of competitive, sneaky, cutthroat, manipulative, rude and outright envious people that I have ever had the misfortune of meeting. The completion here is fierce, and I have found that these people who stoop to any level to sabotage, disrupt, discount and or just plain ruin any progress or success for me at the work place and where I live. Mostly, I am a cisgender, gay, black male who has always been attractive ( and flattered to fight off many beautiful women) but I gained weight for a period of time due to some personal issues with my sexuality but then lost the weight and started to really apply myself in life. Now that I am thin, handsome, young, and ambitious again–I have received a terrible backlash by my coworkers, some roommates, people I see on the metro and in public places, and it has my scrambling for answers as I have never dealt with such toxic people. For me, I believe I upset many of the females workers I deal with because I do not flirt or entertain their compliments (I am gay) and my male coworkers hate me because all the girls flirt with me? In public, I get nasty stares and glares from other men (some of it hate glares and some annoyed “f*** you pretty boy” death glares) and it really has started to get in my head to the point where I wear sunglasses and headphones just to block out the microagressions from these people. I have had some flirty roommates sort of get the hint that I am not interested, and now they scurry out the rooms when they hear me approaching and other passive aggressive things. Men have surprisingly been very terrible towards me, which was surprising, as I find older white men really give me the envy glare…I have seriously never had to deal with so much under-handed, and toxic behavior in my life and I really had to get MEAN (I am a sourthern boy at heart with manners and respectfulness) with these people to show them that they were dealing with someone who could be just a nasty, but in a professional way. I had to quickly change the way that I dealt and interacted with these people and really had to rely heavily on my intelligence to risk assess every situation and to work three times as hard to ensure my work projects and reputation were not ruined. Now that the manipulation is on my radar– I feel it a challenge to overcome and take relaxation in my accomplishments after its all over and done. IT has affected my dating, as I get nasty stares from guys I would date but give me nasty stares because they assume I think they are out of my league? What a really nasty world we live in but we have to stay positive and share our stories. Thank you for sharing yours. I am glad you put Ms. B in her place!!!

  • Ariana says:

    I hear you.

    Try being a feminine AND religious/spiritual female in NYC… It’s a dog eat dog world over here. I grew up Christian, and have had a rough upbringing to be honest, and by God I got through it & it has made me more wise and understanding. And very humble. My family is not from here and my mom struggled to keep me here with my relative. My family is very spiritual and have endured battles with people who hate them for that very fact alone. Coupled with being humble, giving, honest. Some people find these qualities alone (not even considering physical attractiveness) as VERY intimidating. As a Christian, they can see God is in your life and envy that with their hardened hearts. But as my mom would say – salvation is free; Jesus is for everyone.

    So no chip on my shoulder, no diva attitude. If anything I tend to just keep to myself most times. I was always the overweight one growing up (215 at my heaviest), but could never lose the weight UNTIL I actually FINALLY graduated high school and stopped hanging out with those people and loved and nuturer myself. I dropped 50 pounds in just 3 months after leaving.

    I agree… I’m also really feminine and I keep myself up, but I get a lot of frigid responses from girls. I have only had 3 real girl friends like sisters in my life, in addition to my mom and aunt who have been with me through everything and I consider them my best friends as well. NYC is the worst place for BOTH feminine and religious/spiritual/Christian woman. Christian faith ADDS to and ENCOURAGES femininity, so it’s like a double dose. There are a lot of manly, overly ambitious, immoral/”loose” women running wild here. Just speaking some truth.

    Plus, I don’t have the money like they do for the lavish lifestyle anx expensive things, so I don’t mind. I would like to go somewhere where the girls are more down to earth.

  • Stacy Hirsh says:

    I always see these two particular bitches at the mall snickering at me, I don’t see anything funny about me, I dress casually, nothing out of the ordinary and whenever they are together they look at me and laugh for no reason. They are just immature women in their 20’s and they are not that good looking, One is on the chunky side and rather average looking and the other girl is really skinny, like borderline anorexic skinny and also average looking. They are always talking to eath other in some foreign language and then they look over at me and snicker, I don’t know what their deal is. >:(

  • Storm Morrisby says:

    The beauty of another woman is not the absence of your own.

  • Storm Morrisby says:

    Its really so frustrating…. I am lucky to have a group of beautiful open minded and empowering woman I have the pleasure to call my girl friends. But time and time again I see so many woman being catty putting others down! Because you work hard and make the effort to be the best woman you can be some get intimidated and down right catty.
    I have seen this dynamic in various working environments, now have just experienced it with my cousin in a living environment. Keep our heads high and move forward ! Empower each other FFS ! 🙁

  • kosten says:

    interessting article. yet, I disagree with you in 2 Points strongy: 1. never try to befriend a jealous woman! You can not win with a woman that is less attractive than you. She will always try to put you down. Making yourself less attractive might be wrth a try, but if you do look like a model, she will still be jealous and try to push you out of her way. what you Need is a man that defends you, than there will be no Problem with being beautiful. Also, I disagree with your idea that every woman can be attractive. It is simply not true. Some woman just are short, have small eyes, chubby Features and have bad bone structure. They can not Change even if they loose weight and work on their femininity as much as they want to. They might reach a Level where they gain “Attention”, but they have to continously work for it hard, while woman who are naturally attractive have it easier. This is the base for jealousy. Nature has not planned for us to be all equal. Nature also has its own social order. It is our unnatural societies that give ugly woman the changes to attain a lot of Partners and fame. In an ancient tribe, this would not be possible. Pretty woman would be Alpha and ugly woman are beta. Today, woman bleach their hair blonde, lighten their Skin, lighten and enlarge their eyes , reshape their nose, etc. etc.. they spend millions in make up, just to be regarded as pretty. Yet, men sense it is fake Beauty, even if they can not pin it down. It is visible. So dont say everyone can become the same. We can not. And we should not. Also do not advice woman to befriend jelaous Girls, that is actually a rather dangerous path. Jealous Girls or woman go to extremes to push the other away, they even ruin the life of the pretty Girl while pretending to be a friend. . not good advice. . another word of caution: check on how attractive you really are, rather than on your own opinion. I know plenty of ugly woman who constantly Claim to look like models, yet, they do not and they never get a model Job. If you fall in this cathegory you need a reality check, These are the ugly ones that are trying to gain Attention. These woman can get very agressiv when confronted with real Beauty.. do not befriend, but avoid! and do not be Kind to them, it will not make it better.. On the other Hand, if you deal with a really beautiful woman, try to ignore her Looks and try to treat her like you tread everyone else.. Best regards, K.

  • Kara says:

    It’s very unfortunate. And the sad thing is that even men are not above it. A lot of them just pretend like they are. I was reading an article in Psychology Today that asked if women prefer a man who’s helpful or good looking(as if we can only desire ONE trait). I said both, as I prefer both, always have and always will. Some guy wrote some bitter comment insulting good looking men and casting them all out as dogs. One young lady responded and told him that she had a friend who was good looking and ALSO a GOOD PERSON.

    I guess it was too much for his ego to handle that a man CAN be kind AND HANDSOME. He proceeded to insult her by saying that she was “delusional” and lusting after her already MARRIED friend. He also alleged that her handsome friend would leave his wife when the “right woman” came along. Someone vouched for him again and told him that all she said about him was true.

    Some men who don’t look like Brad Pitt( no one is “ugly” but everyone’s beauty is on a different level and everyone has different taste in the opposite sex, which is perfectly fine) seem to WANT to believe that ALL handsome men are “scum” who dog women out, which I KNOW from personal experience IS NOT true. I love and prefer kind handsome men. They’re awesome! That’s the REAL reason they usually get cast in the “cad” roles in movies. Regardless of what some guys may say, it’s jealousy simple and plain. Jealousy does not limit itself to the female gender.

  • Kim says:

    I go through something like this at my job. It’s a group of grown women who are always together like a clique. They’re always talking, gossiping and laughing all the time about everyone especially me. I found the ring leader of this particular group is always the one starting with me, she says something about me within earshot and I know she is testing me. I just ignore her because she obviously has issues going on on her life if she always takes the time out of her day to say something negative about me, my hair, or what I do….it’s childish behavior that should be left in high school and not followed to the workplace. Grown people should be worried more about their paycheck than worrying about other people at work…it’s petty. That is why I refer to this group as “Messy Betty and the crew” 😉

  • Noemi says:

    To be honest , I have this side of me…I mean I do not talk badly about other feminine women, but I do get jealous because I imagine how her femininity would fulfill my man…and I cry because of this. It takes time for me to befriend very feminine women because of my jealousy. Then again, I befriend them anyway and after that my jealousy starts to evaporate but it is a big weakness for me as I always think that I do not have the required feminine energu to fulfill my man and I have the tendency to pair him up with a girl whom I think would suit him better than me…

    • Ariana says:

      Don’t think this way Noemi! Listen to some slow, sexy music (like some classic Soul and R&B songs), buy more fitting outfits, and try to tap into your own well of feminine energy. Slow down, take in the moments flirt, be sexy, be more of a free spirit

      You will feel it within you over time and trust me – he (and many other men) will definitely take notice.

    • Kim says:

      As long as you don’t have urges/plans to harm these women you are perfectly normal. Everyone can experience jealousy, what sets the healthy apart from the unhealthy is the desire to harm another human being, whether physically or psychologically. I don’t think you are an evil jealous psycho bully like the type of woman most of these comments are referring to.

  • Maryana Anatoly says:

    I went through this a lot of times . One woman was so nice to me but I saw in her eyes that she hates me first time when she saw me . She said that I am so beautiful… We become friends.
    And one day she told me that I want be attractive to her husband . I felt so bad ! Because I have my own husband who loves me so much and I love him. It’s was very sad 😬 . We only been together a few times with a families and we all talked. I always tried to wear fluffy dresses and skirts to don’t bring her husband attention to me. She was always in tight clothes and leggings . And now she is accusing me that I am only want be friend with her because of her husband 😂😂 any advice ? It’s just very sad and funny also

    • Kim says:

      Here is some advice: STAY AWAY FROM HER. This woman can not offer you true friendship, only drama. Find a healthy minded woman to be friends with and spare yourself the negativity.

  • Denise Bueno says:

    I loved this article. I’ve been so hurt by women my whole life, even relatives, that I thought really wanted to see me happy. The first chance they get, they talk about me, lie about me,to men or women. I’ve had so many lies on me, and have seen so many people just stop talking to me. I’ve never wanted to change who I am…. I’ve just tried to not be so intimidating… or whatever it is that makes most women angry. It is feminine energy that is empowering, everything in this article is so true! Thank you so much for writing it, and putting real truth out there for everyone to read. I love seeing beautiful, happy women, and I wish more women could accept themselves and NOT try to deliberately lie and hurt other women. I also wish men and women would THINK TWICE when they hear something about a woman, because believing the lies is just as awful as telling them:)

  • Vio says:

    Very interesting take on the subject. I found myself in this situation many times, I am a very feminine woman, pounding it through my every single pore, but at work I act very professional and elegant, still I get the wicked eye from other women. I have read all your stories and I found myself in every single one, work related, when dealing with women. When I had male bosses this never happened, ever! My thought would be that women are competitive when it comes to looks, but not only looks, also attitude, good vibe, nice clothes, nice pairing of clothes, nice shoes, hair, skin etc. And when one is truly beautiful, it becomes even harder, because at work i never try to impress, I do not make an effort to look good, I do not contour my face every morning, LMAO 🙂 I do not dress in a provocative manner, I am just normal, but with cute clothes, elegant and neat. And the looks I get from fellow women are killer, moreover when i treat them nice and respectfully, they try to put me down and enslave me. This is not only jealousy, this is also lack of education!
    But I wanted to hold your attention with another part of being feminine, kind and loving and open…in a more personal area, with female friends. I have two longtime friends, A and B let s call them (following your lead ) who are married , with kids.They do not know each other, they are in separate friends circles. We have known each other for ages, by the time they were rebels without a cause, jumping from one man to another. At the time, I was single, listening to their crazy stories but not moving a pin. In time, I developed a relationship, which lasted 3 years, which they knew nothing about, being busy with their newborn kids and married life ( we kept in touch, but never had time to listen to me). After this, I had a relationship with a man, whom i fell inlove with, and i told one of my friends about…Everything was perfect…But a week later he disappeared, left me with no clue. This story happened again, few times, with the other friend: as soon as i really liked a guy and expressed my openness to a relationship with him, kept telling her/them about him, he suddenly took off. I am really aloof here, I think about them as my friends, but isn t that a bit strange? It cannot be a coincidence, since there are a lot of guys that i meet and keep in contact with, with these friends not knowing anything about them? But the moment i put some man on the wall they keep asking questions and I get so enthusiastic about him….with nothing to follow! Is there a negative energy? Are they envious? Are they unhappy with their lives and subconsciously try to make my life unhappy too? I know they crave freedom….I know that… they used to be the girls with 3 boyfriends at a time…but what should i do? I am ok up there, trust me, this situation has been going on for years, it is not a coincidence, and it only happens when i tell these two, not other female friends.

    • Ariana says:

      That is quite scary and unsettling to say the least!! I suggest you start making a (smart, amicable) exit out of their lives

  • Gaëlle says:

    Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge with us Renee ^.^
    I am only 17 and I don’t have much life experience but I’m gonna talk about the things my friends and I lived :3
    I personally consider myself as a bit of a tomboy :3 I like sports (especially skating, snowboarding and parkour) video games, and I don’t have much interest for shopping but I’m also the type to squeal when I see a bunny or something cute, cry in front of emotional scenes and acting silly (and I like dressing up a lot too, I love feeling beautiful) :3 and I have friends, female and male, that appreciate how I am ^.^
    I really like hanging out with guys but there’s no match to a sleepover with girl friends just talking and playing cards and such =^.^=
    My female friends are really different from each other, I have a very masculine girl friend who wants to work in a bakery and does everything to make that dream come true, she’s very determined and she’s often the one to motivate the others. I have another one who is really feminine, let’s call her C, really soft and shy, and she loves music and having fun. I have a firecracker girl who is always smiling and talking loudly (her good spirits are contagious ;)) and finally, a girl who loves hugs and acting silly too :3 they are all very dear friends to me, and I couldn’t bear losing them ^.^
    Back on the topic of jealousy, I’m someone who gets really good grades without working too much, who gets along with a lot of people and who has a very, verrryyyy attractive boyfriend (I have been 2 years with him and we love each other like crazy *^*) I sometimes get snide remarks or nasty looks behind my back but I don’t mind them so it’s okay :3 also, there are girls who try to spread rumors about me to my boyfriend but he truly believes in me and sends them away ^.^
    However, C is not as carefree as I am. There are a lot of girls who insult her, humiliate her publicly, spread rumors about her, call her names, make fun of her and just all around being insufferable. One day, she got called a slut by girls (and guys too! But they are the type who loves putting others down) in my class, just because she holded hands with her boyfriend. She stormed to the toilet, crying. Fortunately, some classmates and I defended her. I hope for everyone who don’t want to Hurt others or being mean to find someone to lean on, when you are the target of ridiculous jealous behavior, so they can give you courage to stand for yourself. Do not let the unwanted jealousy of others put you down, ruin your life or your radiance! ^.^

  • Eva O'Reilly says:

    Thank you for this article, in work I face women ignoring me, spreading lies, doing any thing they can to try to get to me and all I have been is nice to them. I wore my engagement ring to work once and the response I got was ‘you keep waving it in my face’. All you can do is try to ignore it and be happy in yourself, these women don’t know you and are not worth getting upset about

  • smiley says:

    ….An example, women upon giving me the first glance- ALREADY hate me!!! They soon proceed with incredibly catty behavior, the hair toss, the eye roll, the snub, you name it..they will do it. The one I hate the most is the all up in your face invasion, where they literally won’t stop staring at you, like they are feeding off of you, they twist their face w/ hostility while they do this! And the more you show discomfort, the more they drag it out !!! Wth. If they have a friend, they will both look at each other and roll their eyes, or something related. I thinks it’s so unfair that anyone should have to endure this type of behavior, and for no reason at all. It’s very frustrating. I used to think I was crazy, seeing all of the things that’d happen to me so often w/ these types of evil women- UNTIL a good friend came into my life and confirmed that all of the things I’d been experiencing was never my imagination!!!! One by one, he’d spot them without fail! It was so freeing to have someone confirm what i was seeing. I worked at a hotel by myself when these things would happen, so had no witness to back me up when the women would give me spiteful trouble…. Even the male staff I worked w/ thought I was nuts,,,they’d keep saying that I must be the culprit because they said I always had problems with women, when in fact ‘I’ was the one being tormented by a long string of them! They pointed the finger at me. And although other women have worked in my position, I doubt that they triggered this jealousy in women. Maybe it’s because I stand out or something. I’ve had many people tell me that I’m a unique person, and although I’m not supermodel gorgeous- I have a distinct beauty. Even then, it will never justify the cruelty I’ve been forced to deal with….

    • Kim says:

      I could have written that!! I feel energy raped by other women when I’m out in public, especially if I’m waiting in a long line up. They energetically latch on to me and observe every move and twitch. They think I can’t smell their insecurity but it stands out like a fat bum. Not all women do this, just the Caucasian ones in my age group 30-40. I look awesome for my age and I stand out because I have managed to keep my body and skin fit and healthy, even after motherhood. I have perfected the art of pretending not to notice. They are purposely trying to bring out ugly behaviour in you so that they can feel better about themselves. Stay cool and calm ALWAYS. Do show nervousness or irritation, it’s what they want. They are closet sadists.

      • smiley_kewpie says:

        Wow, I feel your pain! And I’m so glad that articles/forums like these exist, it helps support women like ourselves that are unwillingly thrown into the uncalled for, catty vicious games that unevolved women love to play. It’s absolutely unacceptable and that’s why we must learn how to spot them in advance in order to protect ourselves from these emotional+ energy vampires….and from the looks of it, you’ve done a darn good job on honing that antenna, and I applaude you on that! 👏 No one has a right to take that energy from you, it’s personal, it’s ours- to take this is an absolute violation! Shouldn’t be taken lightly. It has also been proven w/scientific testing, so yes, your auric field can literally be drained out by them. I have experienced this drainage first hand, especially like you said, once they latch on with their evil eye. I feel it mostly when they see my face, they attache themselves and won’t let go. Their facial expression changes to absorbent, then in questioning + resentment , trying to decipher something. .9 times out of 10 an attack follows w/ catty behavior, like hair toss or rude commentary, giving me a hard time. Btw, I must mention that my immediate instinct is to push away from their strong eyelock and invasive presence, they have a way of getting around that, though,. These types of women are pros at these sort of things. Remarkable.

        I’m not in my 20’s anymore and am incredibly shocked that this behavior still goes on, even more so when it’s coming from the much younger generation! So bold, at their age I was never like that, neither am I like that today. I think it has to do w/your core character more than anything else. Regardless, I see the real sadistic attacks coming from the older women- not the young. It’s just sad, but more than anything unfair that I work so hard for my happiness and to look my best- only to have some parasitical little twit come along and jab that from me! Lol. It’s kind of laughable. I mean, so because a woman has an admirable trait I lack that gives me the right to trample them? No way. Those women ‘must be stopped’.

        A lot of men get kicks out these situations, but have no idea how frustrating the painful experience is. I’ve told my partner many times about it, he’s witnessed it countless times …yet it doesn’t seem to get through to him. So far, my best weapon is to center all of my warrior energy into one place (at this point they’ve turned me into one), and bring that emotion/energy up to where it shows on my face. I let it burn in my eyes…and hold still, then they will want to budge out- fast! It’s all about the energy, they can feel it from a mile away if it’s vulnerable. Only problem is, there’s a small percentage that this may lead to physical agression and must be a choice one makes….either to yield the rest of our lives, looking down and away as they do as they please w/us..or be affirmative not confrontational. I chose the latter, only recently, out of self love/integrity. I still think your method is awesome, I might try it someday.

        Cheers to you and keep doing what you’re doing, looking good!!! 😉 Remember you are not alone in this, and only happens because you are impressive! Peace.✌

  • smiley says:

    I’m very thankful for this awesome article!!! Everything said is very true!! It can be a nightmare to be in the position of the feminine woman, who more often times than not doesn’t realize/ understand why she is being treated so unfairly, picked on, given the harassing looks, etc! You’d think this would end in high school, but it just plain doesn’t- it gets worse. It’s disgusting behavior that must be eliminated immediately! Yes, put your foot down…don’t let it drag out like most feminine women do! Bring out your inner pit bull if necessary. These losers don’t have a right to break you down just because- they take your energy every time they do this and this is why you always feel down, anxious and drained. The latter is the only part that doesn’t concord w/ article’s solution to dealing w/ them. I would never want to embrace someone who would love to see me trampled, smashed to pieces. Lol.

  • Hibiscus says:

    Wow, this has been the bane of my life! It’s a relief yet a sadness to know that others have gone through this as well. Like many others, I thought this behaviour would stop after high school, but nope! I never understood why other women would behave like this towards me (as well as other radiant, genuinely happy women), believing that perhaps I had done something to wrong them (although I wasn’t sure what, if anything at all), but this article sheds a new light. So thanks for that! 🙂

    I remember quite vividly something that happened in my first year of high school: I was playing cards with some male classmates (they invited me) when one of my female classmates looked over and called me a slut. I was shocked! I wore the school uniform demurely at all times and even looked like a tomboy, neither was I doing anything that seemed “slutty”, so why did she feel the need to yell that across the room? Before I had the chance to defend myself, the golden boy of the class stepped in and calmly asked her, “Are you jealous?” which I think she may have been! And to think she’d be jealous over something as innocent as playing a game of cards (on school property no less)!

    That’s only the tip of the iceberg though. The rest of my high school years have been turbulent since the aforementioned classmate managed to turn the majority of the class against me, even going as far as spreading false rumours about my character. After high school and even until now, I’ve had so-called friends disappear on me even though I thought we had a connection, been snubbed on group hangouts, not being invited to group hangouts, sabotaged on any inkling of finding love (anyone ever been given bad advice by “friends”? Yep.) as well as the usual gossip behind the back.

    Thanks for writing this article, it made me see things in a new perspective and helped me understand what previously to me was odd behaviour.

  • GreenLantern says:

    I find as a masculine woman its me who gets the discrimination from other women, you seem to have a strange definition of gender and have feminine as something positive and masculine if its something negative. A lot of these “bitchy” women you talk of are femmes who are just not nice, they dont automatically qualify as masculine women. Gender is a spectrum, not a binary and its constructed. Everyone has masculine and feminine traits, they dont have to match sex.

    Telling women who are not feminine they are ugly on the inside, that masculinity in a woman is ugliness based on men not liking it, all of this may be why women dont like you. Its outright misogynistic. Its possible that when these women see you with men they see a different side to you and they wonder why you are the way you are with them, you may not be aware of your behaviour. You say you are nice, but possibly you are nice while also trying to change those women to be feminine. I know ive met a lot of women over the years who have tried to make me be feminine and i got sick of the constant gender policing. There is more ways to be a woman then just one, and i can tell you a story of a female born person who transitioned to be male. They were married to a man for 20 years pre transition and stayed married post transition to a bi man. It is possible and does not require femininity to radiate love, masculinity can do the same thing and all the variations between can. The problem is the gender binary type cultural lens and how its hard to take it off.

  • squared says:

    I appreciated this article very much. Without telling my entire life story, I had horrible self esteem throughout my childhood and teen years. I had problems with ankylose teeth, meaning the baby ones wouldn’t come out on their own, so they had to surgically remove many of them, leading to further jaw problems. Also had a broken jaw from a baseball hitting me. Spent 7 total years in braces, as well. I realize now that I didn’t look horrible, seeing old pics of myself. But, I was bullied and contemplated suicide on many occasions.
    During my late teens and early twenties, I had some confidence boost when I had a couple major jaw surgeries to fix past problems. I’d also started dating after high school, which did help boost confidence. Lastly, I’d say that all my mistreatment growing up truly led me to be a kind and compassionate person toward others.
    But, as my own confidence grew, I also started noticing a specific type of woman that would simply want to bring me down. I had a job where my boss made up complete lies about me to get me out. I’ve had similar treatment since. Still, I’ve always tried to treat most women like sisters. I lived in an all-women’s co-op house in college, so I really learned how to get along with all types.
    Fast-forward to now, when I’ve been married for 5 years, and at my current job for a year. I love my job (car saleswoman!) But, in just the past year, I’ve dealt with some major B.S., which has included a man sexually harassing me verbally, which when I told, resulted in him getting fired. It’s not what I’d asked for, but due to prior warnings, that’s what resulted. I got SO much shade from…you guessed it…other women! Few women had my back and blamed me instead, whereas most of the guys kept quiet, or understood because they wouldn’t want to see their wives/girlfriends being creeped on like that.
    Then, just when I thought I’d patched things up on that end, it feels like this other woman at work dislikes me for no reason. We’re almost exactly the same age, but she’s had some past management experience at other companies, and although she is not one now, takes on extra projects and exudes leadership. When she first started at my store, I definitely looked up to her for her expertise and professionalism. However, I also have a low power distance and am a very fast learner, so as I myself have been gaining more experience, I’ve needed less advice from this person. Now, it seems like maybe she resents me, or feels we’re in competition? Recently, we were in this conversation with another guy, and I was noticing how she was only looking at the other guy while we were talking, not me. Also, when I said something, she would cut me off and talk over me. I put up with it for a bit, but then exited the conversation with the excuse that I had to go look at a car on the lot. What’s stupid is that we’re all married, so I don’t know as it’s about romantic competition. I really don’t know, and am frankly afraid to ask. But it’s been bothering me, which is why I was researching and found this article.

  • Samantha Ward says:

    Everything you said is so true!! I just dealt with a very similar situation but the woman was my boss. I ended up confronting her but things did not stop so I ended up walking out.

  • Juliet Elishaan says:

    Hi guys. reading your comments really brought me healing and peace of mind. I have struggled with envy from females all my life, the older women have constantly played an envious role of laying obstacles and adding to my struggles. In my earlier days I never knew why women treated me like this, life has been really unfair and hard on me. Because of this I have always been vulnerable and not had the capacity to rationalize my surroundings than trying to solve one problem after the other.
    Looking back at my childhood, I can tell that women ranging from teachers, social workers and other authorities of helping a vulnerable child treated me like shit and never truly wanted me to progress and have a normal life. I never understood why they would treat me like this. But now as a 25 year old who have broken the ice and is building her life, I can see it so clearly that these women were simply just envious of me for reasons I as a child could neither reason to or understand.
    For instance, my current female tutors treats me like a rival. The way they look at me, avoids giving me the word in lecture/seminar and hands documents to me last among the students.
    Females my age always avoids developing friendships with me, I have attended many events and joined groups where everybody had such a good time and I felt we really clicked. But then these girls never makes contact, some don’t reply to my mails and they never uploads the photos from the event which I am in.
    Before I used to think that being kind would solve the problem, but I realized that my kindness just gave these girls the power to treat me like a slave. They would gladly take my kindness and interact, but never putting in any effort themselves. And if I don’t lavish attention on them, they give me nasty attitudes.
    With men I am as cautious, before when I was simply a vulnerable nobody, they would approach and chase me but run once they realize how difficult life was for me. So now I am extremely picky with a very high standard when it comes to men and hates the fact that they are constantly showing me attention and will not leave me alone.
    I am currently an aspiring model, and it has been really hard for me in the industry. I often experience that the women representatives will not upload my photos on their websites so that clients can see me, some of them would not match me with jobs.
    A couple of times, my profile had been deleted by them for stupid reasons as that my pictures are not getting me jobs. Other female representatives have sent me really disturbing and nasty e-mails when I applied for jobs criticising my looks and saying that there is no guarantee I will become a model just because I am pretty. The few women I met who actually gave me a job, never writes me a recommendation unless I nag about it. I have been in two fashion shows, and the female photographers always avoids taking pictures of me in my best spots, but always takes the pictures when I am either not looking at the camera or on the side of the runway.
    What I also experiences from female representatives in the modeling world is that they have no interest in interacting with me or get to know me as it should be for a successful project. I have been in a couple of workshops from different agencies and the females representatives never notifies the people in the office to send me my photos, so I usually search for male representatives contacts and complains before my photos are sent to me.
    It has been really hard, but I am not giving up, I know I have the skills and personally for becoming a successful model besides my stunning physical appearance. I know these women sees my beauty and potentials and fears how far I can actually go in the industry, they are doing all they can to stop me from getting there but I will not let them win.
    My advise is, to not give envious or jealous women any attention. You who they are jealous of did them nothing and should not be dragged into their personal self-esteem problems, neither should you become their slave of satisfying their need of putting you down so they can feel good. Whenever I spot jealousy or envy I simply stay as far from that individual as possible unless it is essential I communicate with them may it be work duties or school projects.

  • Eleesha Prothero says:

    I work as a dental nurse but on the side sometimes I work as a glamour models or promo girl. At my dental job I find a lot of the he girls very jealous when it comes to my Fb, or even to the extent I don’t get invited to they’re parties! But then see it on fb. I never talk about my modelling ever as I know it comes across as very vein. I have a very loving husband who is also very attractive and after our wedding a magazine company contacted us and put our wedding in they’re magazine with me as the cover girl! I was over the moon! And posted it on fb. I had a lot of lovely messages however the girls at work were abit off with me! I work partime at topshop too and find a lot of the girls won’t even talk to me!! I go to he gym a lot and look after myself a lot! That’s my choice! I am just fed up these nasty people. My husband gets annoyed when we go out anywhere as women stare more than men and there’s a lot of nasty looks I get from them. I don’t dress slutty just feminine! Can someone help me as I feel alone. Even in my old job the girls all stopped talking to me and if I walked into a room they would all go quite!

    • Juliet Elishaan says:

      Hi pretty, I know exactly how you feel and knows exactly what you are talking about. Read my post above and halla me if you like 🙂

      • Eleesha Prothero says:

        Hi gorgous, thanx for relying. I feel the same! I only have 3 real friends and my husbands friends girlfriends always bitch about me behind my back. I always try to make new friends but the girls never seem to want to be around me. Iv been thinking about starting up my own Instagram account for fans only so non of my personal photos such as my wedding. I think women like us should stick together as we understand what it’s like to be isolated by jealous women xx

        • Juliet Elishaan says:

          Totally agree, there are so many of us that sticking together shouldn’t be a problem. If you like, we could communicate through facebook, same profile name. Instagram sounds like a great idea, you will for sure receive more support there 🙂

  • Tea berries says:

    I’ve noticed women that don’t appreciate me being around because I’m beautiful. But it’s less of a passive-aggressive attitude, and more of a ‘shame on you, don’t you know you’re making us all look bad?” type of thing. I really don’t know what to say. I live in Canada in a really super liberal part of the country and study sociology so I’m well taught in concepts of gender mobility and plurality as well as ideas of the male gaze, etc.etc. But I’m a transplanted American from the south, and I was taught to be feminine, sweet and kind, no tattoos, med-long hair, nice clothes… dressing up is just what we do. Yet every time I leave the house, it’s like I’m a defector to the feminist agenda.

    Tell me… how does becoming MORE MASCULINE help support femininity? Is androgyny the fate of the entire western world? I am happily married, my husband is a highly educated Alpha male. When people see him, they realize I’m the “real deal” and not just some Canadian who’s trying to live the un-popular dream of a feminine gender identity. This is just who I am… why my family is. Who we are. And that makes it even worse. I get ‘shade’ (hate) from all corners… it takes me half the term to gain a professors respect through hard work, it takes a few conversations for men to take me seriously, and I really never ever end up having female friends. I think they’d rather just not bother with being around me and save themselves the trouble of having to feel the sharp pinch of competing with the attention of others because the girl standing next to them is the essence of feminine womanhood. That seems to be a proud flag of social progress I see everywhere and that makes me somehow an ambassador for a harmful, anti-progressive feudalistic society. Like I’m living in the dark ages or something.

    **sigh** … someone buy me a non-fat late’.

  • SuBee_61 says:

    Just read the comments. It was interesting and somewhat sad to see how many women have experienced this phenomenon. I am in my 50’s and in looking back over my life, I have had to deal with jealousy from women over and over. I could never figure it out because I never thought I was anything special. People often told me I was pretty and sometimes beautiful but I am very short (under 5′ 2″) and I never felt like I looked good in clothes, etc. I still find dressing a challenge! This article really opened my eyes and it is strangely comforting to know that many women have dealt with these painful and rather soul-destroying situations.

    It seems every decade or so I have had to dump a female friend whose jealousy became unbearable. Obviously this is a well known phenomenon since the term “frenemy” became part of the lexicon. At age 50 I had a “frenemy” for a few years who seemed to like me in the beginning but over time her increasingly sharp and angry claws came out. I was shocked that at our age I had to deal with her jealousy and need to “one up” me at every turn, when she surpassed me in a couple of areas that are considered important or connote success in our extremely competitive culture. I had to exit the friendship and have no contact with this woman even though she lives less than a mile away (and I fear running into her). It was painful and took me a long time to get over as I was raised with the belief that being liked and getting along with people was/is very important. (In retrospect, I believe she has a mile borderline personality disorder). I strive to get along with men and women as much as possible, and I find this attracts people to me, as even with people that I am not terribly interested in or attracted to, I attempt to be friendly and kind. Naturally, I am far from perfect.

    Yet over the past several years, I have found myself distancing from certain women in my peer group due to the continual competition. At this point I just want to relax but with certain women, I still feel I must continually prove myself. Maybe this is just projection as I have my own insecurity but I am not a mean girl, by any stretch. Even now, in my 50s, two friends that I introduced both commented to me that “men just throw themselves at you”. Ok, not so much anymore but maybe it is because I am kind to them? No, I am not trying to steal your boyfriend/ husband/even-EX husband…I am just having a simple conversation with him at a party/gathering you invited me to. If he approaches me or engages me in conversation, am I supposed to excuse myself and leave the room? At this point i am just plain tired and don’t want to deal with it anymore. Even recently two of these female “friends” met through me. Sure enough, these two have become friendly and banded together – and I can just imagine the catty comments they make about me (because they both have made catty and judge-y comments to me about other women, including each other before they became chummy!)

    So I withdraw. I just don’t want to tear other women down. Life is hard enough, and I have learned to take care of myself. Sadly, this often involves avoiding other women and the social pecking order. I don’t need to viciously tear apart another women or engage in continual gossip about how other women live their lives in order to have female friends.

    Yes, I am one of those women who prefers the company of men, even as friends. I am grateful to have a few long-term female friends who I know I will have forever, women who “get it”, who are aware of their own insecurities and who don’t feel the need to be the alpha female when they are around me. Women who I haven’t felt that icky gaze from, who don’t try to put me in my place. I am hopeful that I will meet other women I feel I can just relax and be myself with, warts and all.

    Maybe it is survival of the fittest, this competitiveness of females and it “is what it is”.

    I think social media has just increased the competitive nature of females, and it saddens me to see younger women posting selfies just to see how many “likes” they get. How on earth does a very feminine, perhaps somewhat shy girl deal with social media and having one’s photo plastered in front of hundreds of peers? I can’t imagine the pressure young women are feeling in the current culture.

  • Marsha says:

    When you are an attractive, vivacious women who radiates from inside out, you have a responsibility to your fellow sisters. When I find myself in an awkward position, say a man at a party tells me I look nice in a dress, how he wishes his wife would wear them more (and she’s standing right there), I will thank him for the compliment, but also say something like, ” well, with your wife’s beautiful eyes, hair, or whatever, it seems like she could wear anything and be drop dead gorgeous”. Then I turn to the wife an say something like, “I love how fabulous your eye makeup looks, I never seem to get mine right, how do you get yours to look so nice? What I am trying to accomplish is to point out to the husband, that he look no farther than his own wife to find a beautiful women to compliment. When the husband responds by doing something thoughtful like saying ” Yes, her eyes are amazing, they are what I first fell in love with”. Then the door is open for the wife and I to be friends, no bad feelings. If the husband doesn’t respond with a nice comment, then I have effectively made him look like an ass and the wife is secretly relieved because I am not a threat, I am on her side. Then, she knows I am a sister first kind of women, not a women who lives for and feeds off male attention, not caring about the wife who has to suffer through public humiliation from her man. Works like a charm every time. I make new friends, and don’t worry about dumb, insensitive men hurting their wives feelings, and hurting society by pitting women against one another. Imagine a world where women KNEW other women had their backs. I try every time to let other women know that.

    • SuBee_61 says:

      What a great response! It is unfortunate that you would be put in such a position by an insensitive man. I think this is a wonderful way to deal with such a situation although it is unfortunate that being an attractive woman, you have to shoulder this responsibility instead of just being able to relax and be yourself. Still, kudos to you for making such a sincere effort!

    • Ariana says:

      Amazing!! Yes, I will remember this

  • vanitha gopi says:

    you can say the same of gay males who hate true honest alphas. Believe me workplaces are infested with the same. Gay males due to their distorted psychology are cruel and cold. They appear to be sweet and condescending. Feminine women should avoid falling into that trap. Countless are the stories in tabloids about gay males driving their wives to suicide or downright murdering them when their secret habits are found out. They are a scourge of emotional and physical pathology.

  • Jennifer Schonberg says:

    Hello Renne,

    I have a peculiar story to share. I am a male living in india. I am married to a really beautiful and ultra
    feminine girl for the past several years.

    Very recently I joined in a company as a head and had to
    develop the same. I hired three girls to work under me. At the time of
    interview one of the directors decided to reject the girl on a flimsy pretext,
    which I felt was wrong and I hired her and hired two other girls as well.

    I was exceedingly professional with them and was training
    them to a good career in management since I am very experienced. They are
    nearly 15 years younger to me. One of
    the girls whom I saved in the interview was very attracted to me sexually which
    was very clear, but I kept my distance and never evinced any hints. She was aware of the fact that I am a family
    man but her subliminal thinking was that I would ditch my family to be with
    her. I am a man of morals. She was not convinced about my marital status. She
    is the so called butch female hoarding scores of admiring sissy males. She made
    it clear to me that she had never met a real male before me.

    Since I was friendly with these girls, and was from a
    different part of the country and wanting to share my culture, I showed them my
    family photographs especially my feminine wife’s photos.

    As I was their boss they could not counteract me directly or
    show their jealousy of my wife, but started plotting my downfall
    surreptitiously which I could not suspect till the damage was done.

    Since there are cameras all around the office they could not
    accuse me of misbehavior, rather they started carrying false tales to my
    superior about me. Ofcourse my superior was such a miserly man who did not want
    to pay me after I had developed the organization in two months that he decided
    to sack me. I blasted him and walked out.

    All three girls were on the firing line to start with, and I
    saved their jobs when the owner of the organization wanted them sacked.

    I got to know this treachery through a common friend. I could not conceive the extent of jealousy a
    female can have for another, secondly how much they revenge it out on a taken
    male whom they cannot afford to have and is totally out of their league and
    their sick sense of entitlement where they think a true alpha is meant for them
    even the one who is already committed. The best part they were acting as if my
    wife of 15 years is the other woman. It
    was a typical fatal attraction story, but with the difference that I never
    succumbed to infidelity.

    Kindly reply back.
    Also what is your sun sign?

    • Juliet Elishaan says:

      This is unbelievable, Am so sorry for what these women put you through. You sound like a very generous and kind hearted person who don’t deserve this at all, it is because of such people that good people turns cold and heartless. Being kind and generous rarely pays of nowdays, infact it brings you more problems than if you only care for your needs. These women sounds to be the sort of selfish people who do not considers anybody but themselves in all aspects of their lives and karma will bring back to them all they have done to others in different forms. Wish you all the best forward 🙂

  • Sassy says:

    Thank you for writing this post, I feel so much better now that I truly understand why the 57 yr old female treats me so badly at work. She says weird stuff like “don’t take my sort” , is the only thing I have. I never intended to take her job nevertheless her coworkers attention. I started there in June she began as a pleasant lady, but once I met the officers, n other Co workers, I saw shake her head in disgust .

    I’m a friendly person, I love people, I like to listen to them n hug them when my words and kindness. I am very attractive I must admit and I am not afraid of making sex jokes with guys etc. Most importantly I never disrespected the officers, and I listened to them, work related n their personal likes.

    This female, tells me one way to do work, then tells me I did it wrong, that she never said that. She shakes n looses her breath when she talks to me. People who like me at work she disrespects them and treats them badly at work. She is very manly, dirty fingers, and has lost her teeth. After reading this article it all make sense.. I have done nothing wrong but just do my job to the best of my knowledge and be beautiful n Sexy, I embrace my feminity..

    Great stuff

  • disqus_ceuMErreho says:

    Hi all. I am in my late 30s. I look mid to late 20s naturally. My family are young at heart and are happy and we all laugh alot and have fun. I am sick of younger women picking at me and making comments over my age like it’s an issue. I grew up being taught that life’s for living and what mattered was what kindve person you were not what you looked like. People who come in to my work assume I’m the same age as my female co workers that are around 27 26 years old. Not my fault and nothing to apologies for either. I have a cpl other really attractive female friends too that have the same problem. Nasty spiteful insecure younger females that have no tact and no sense of self. I also have problems with girls around my age that look it or older. It’s not an age thing it’s a crime to be attractive bottom line. Females who are jealous are jealous full stop. If it’s not she’s old it’ll be she’s fat, dumb etc etc though. Females need to get a life there are more important things happening in the world outside of themselves. I find jealousy ugly and sickening. P.s if a male wants to be with a younger female good for him if he wants to be with an older woman it’s his choice like if I want to be with a short man or old or young man it is my choice. People need to grow up and get some substance. Personality is becoming rare these days.

  • Jem says:

    Wrong! You don’t try to befriend jealous women. They will not like you ever if your a beautiful woman. I am not going to waste an ounce of my time on anybody that is trying to harm me because they are jealous. I prefer to surround my self with hand picked quality people that love and support their friends. I have better things to do over trying to pamper some moron with a pea sized brain. Jealous women are embiciles and people should let them know it, instead of trying to kiss up to the dim wits. I’m who I am and I own who I am. I will not be owned by another person. Especially a jealous enemy trying to pretend they are my friend.

  • Kim says:

    I REALLY enjoyed reading this article and comments. It’s wonderful to know I’m not the only one. I realized in my early 20s after college that I would bow out from the world and keep to myself, my family and God. I have nothing to prove to anyone and I learned not to chase after money a long, long time ago. I am happy and wouldn’t change a thing. Women who behave this way will burn out sooner or later. They end up divorced, lonely and miserable.

  • Julie says:

    Instead of women focusing on other women.They should work on their self esteem,It is difficult to find female friends.I find them unrealiable and extremely childish.Especially when they behave with such a petty way.When I see this I always say inside my head.Grow the f***k up!!! I am to mature for that shit.Just ignore them.They probably are waiting for a reaction.So they can use it against you.

    • Stacy Hirsh says:

      I know what you mean, I find this happen a lot. I am 44 years old and dealt with this since my high school years, I have enough stress in my life and don’t need drama.

    • Anna C says:

      You’re absolutely right. Self esteem is the key to self assuredness and becoming high value. Then you can have whatever you want. I wish women (and men too) would grow in their self esteem. Then it would eliminate most of the problems on Earth.

      • bobsyouruncle says:

        Men would be much happier if women focused on themselves in terms of self worth, instead of measuring against other women and men.

  • Ljhi says:

    ive tried to figure out what clicks in the female bully mind, when acts horrid to a kind person. Thanks for nailing it as the whole femininity factor. Explains soooo much rediculous unwanted behavior.

  • facts says:

    hahahahahaha
    how ridiculous

  • anonymous23 says:

    I agree with JJ (below) as far as the viciousness in women of all ages when it comes to envy. I specify “envy”, not jealousy. There is a difference between the two. For an example if you are spiritual, you can say that God is a “jealous” God. Being that there should be no other Gods worshipped. Same goes for a “jealous” wife or girlfriend under REASONABLE circumstances. It would be reasonable for a wife or girlfriend to become jealous if they caught their husband or boyfriend with another woman, or suspected it under factually based and proven, insinuating circumstances. “Envy” is different. To envy is almost like coveting. The envious woman sees another for what they have and wants it for themselves but are unwilling to either do the work to get it, or accept themselves to be grateful for what they already have. Then they vengefully act out on it in a harmful way whether directly or indirectly (through their children, or others they can manipulate, etc.) towards the woman to temporarily make themselves feel better. They don’t seem to not have the matured skills or the self control to stop themselves. Whether they are 5 or 55. In my opinion they know what they are doing is wrong but find excuses to cover up their envy, which only puts a more solidified, bright pink and blinking neon sign stamped on their forehead “I’M ENVIOS!”. No matter how discreet they try to be about it, it still shows both physically and mentally whether through their body language and/or their insecure mental attitude in the long run which eventually becomes obvious and out into the open.
    The best thing to do when confronted by a woman like this is to ignore them. Stay away from them as much as possible. If you have no choice, especially if it’s an ex wife, etc and children are involved, remain civil and composed giving them no reason to use anything against you.

  • me says:

    I’am so done with these type of women after years of putting up with that type of behavior I have learned to also be strong and bitchy right back in a sarcastic way with my own special comebacks that send them away.I started out nice and sweet always trying hard to fit in no matter what I did the snarky envy never seemed to die I just figured why let women like that ruin my spirit and my happiness on a daily basis.Now I only make friends with women that are strong enough to handle not being envious of me for whatever dumb reason the snarky one’s get envious about .I haven’t traded in my kind happy spirit simply replaced it when I need it with a woman more in control of never letting another mean woman step on me. It is sad because when I see that behavior I gravitate towards the sweet women and always stick up for them, no more letting those queen bees hurt someone.It’s not gonna stop me from shining.Most recent a group of women no matter what I do it’s always competition for no reason if I’am going to work the weirdest thing happens all of a sudden they all seem to have my schedule and weirdly leave and try to come back at the exact same times as they look out for my schedule.I can’t even come outside to water my yard for sure they will be outside copying every little detail making snarky comments. Last month I got a new car sure enough 4 of the neighbors got used trade in’s or borrowed cars from their families as to show me look at me I have one to and of course I just thought how childish is that.I put butterflies on my pots for sure they will do it.My friend on the block tells me it’s because I’am nice,successful ,beautiful and doing my own thing that they are snarky.I’am done trying to be nice to women like that who wants to befriend a bunch of haters with no self esteem or goals of their own?.Truly I didn’t realize how many women this happens to but the thing is the haters hate because they have no self love for themselves and beautiful spirited woman not only have outside beauty but inside beauty and you can’t buy that it’s just something that some of us have that causes other women to flip out since they will never attain it so they try to tear it down.I say to you who have experienced this behavior from catty snarky envious women don’t care about it anymore separate yourself from those women,get a new job if you have to.Keep shining that is the rewards that the haters hate you have a smile on your face in your heart and keep on doing as wonderful things will come to you.I always think imagine had they choosen to embrace me they would have a great friend someone caring who listens and they to could have good qualities.I do believe the purer you are in your heart good things come to you you get blessed not only materially but in other ways .I’am happy to surround myself with like minded women.

    • Jessica says:

      That’s wonderful that you learned how scandalous, petty, and stupid females can be. You had something they wanted but had no clue on how to get it for themselves. Their jealousy is a form of flattery, even though it’s an ugly trait to have. They’re just a season anyway. Let them continue to be jealous.

    • Chelsa says:

      Your comment made me feel better about my own situation. I’m glad to hear I’m not alone. I was recently in a wedding as a bridesmaid and was brought to tears because the other girls made me feel so badly about myself. I knew it was all going on behind my back and I became very sensitive about it. My life is blessed because I get to travel and I have nice things, I wear high fashion, plus my husband adores me. However I am one of the kindest most generous people and I try my best to be humble. I thought maybe I was overreacting and then today some photos came out and since I don’t have a facebook my mom sent them to me. Sure enough the girls were pointing to me in the picture and making nasty faces at me. The most hurtful part is that one of the girls made it her cover photo. I don’t understand how treating someone badly could make someone feel good about themselves. I wish I could figure out how to have your attitude about it.

      • me says:

        So sad they are that envious of you that they even had to take pictures and post them on Facebook.Karma has a funny way of coming back to them anyone that see’s those pictures will surely think how envious,childish and hateful they are.It would be nice for the bride to eventually let them know how ugly it is that they are posting pictures of her bridesmaid of her wedding and posting them if she thinks like me I would take them to task and tell them how bad it not only makes them look but her as well since they are her friends or family.I would ask Facebook to have them take down your face since it is bullying and you have not authorized a cover of your face on their page.You don’t have to do anything to feel better you are better than them and THEY KNOW IT or they would not be doing that if you were like them you would have posted some pictures of them and made fun of them and you did not so that shows what kind of person you are.You have a beauty inside as well as outside that burns them up and they know it why else would they make such a spectacle of themselves at someone’s wedding?.Keep shining THEY WILL NEVER BE LIKE YOU or have what you have to bad flaunt it by being happy and living your life.Post this on their Facebook post this for the bride to see when she gets back from her honeymoon.See what happens when other people tell them how ugly they are and look for bullying you.People like me that live this day in and day out know why they behave that way.You know how I know they are jealous of you it’s because the little green monster came out in a group and they were all in on it they wanted to make you feel like crap because you were shining and they hated it the only way to bring you down was by retaliating and hurting you by trying to embarrass you but it backfired because if I think they are ridiculous how many other people do you think think that?.Someone else will see it to their husbands or mothers and they will be told stay away from them as well you don’t need people like that in your life so they can keep throwing their hate on you no thanks.God Bless and keep your head up if I could tell them something I would but you know this post and other thumbs up will eventually show them and other people like them how horrible they truly are.

        • CC says:

          I will never understand women who act that way, however I do think I need to learn to brush it off and not let it upset me so much. Thank you very much for your thoughtful comment.

      • Jessica W says:

        Chelsa don’t worry about those jealous little girls. Like I told me in a post, they’re just a season and want something that you have but don’t have a clue on how to get it for themselves. Jealousy is a form of flattery even though it’s an ugly trait to have. Let them continue to be jealous and keep doing well.

        • CC says:

          Thank You for the sweet reply. I was pretty upset about it for a few week. It was comforting to know that other people go through the same kind of thing.

          • Jessica W says:

            You’re welcome. Some people come in your life for a lifetime; the majority come for a season. I too have people who are jealous of me. I just do what I have to do and let them continue to be jealous.

    • lilpam48 says:

      Thank you. I feel years of not understanding why people treated me crazily without even knowing me being lifted. Thank you for reminding us that we DON’T have to be friends at all in any circumstance with these kind of women.

    • luvpolitics . says:

      The hate, the malice, the sabotage, the negativity, the toxicity, and the outright disrespect is REAL and I am sorry that so many positive people have to go through it, but you are right: you must weed out the negative (change jobs, cut negative people out of your life, develop comebacks and defense mechanisms and just plain ole FIGHT BACK) to keep these abusive behaviors from destroying your confidence- let the haters hate but you stay positive and surround yourself with POSITIVE and well meaning people!!

  • Nikki says:

    First off I’d like to say that I, at no point searched for this article/blog and wasn’t even aware that this topic was something that people or mostly women struggle with emotionally. I am a feminine women myself, well for the most part, but I do have a “Tomboy” side to me. I think like most other women I can adapted to my surroundings or situations. Your probably wondering what I mean and the example I present to you is simple. You wouldn’t wear high heels when you decide to climb a latter to the roof in hopes to sneak a moment of passion with a lover under the stars. Just like you wouldn’t forget to slip on something nice or possibly even coat your neck in an attractive scent your partner is sure to jaw-drop when he/she sees your beauty in candle light.

    So you see how a women, even the most feminine of women can NEVER really be truly and 100% feminine.
    I myself am a lesbian, a mother and a photographer all which will explain what im about to tell you. I am attracted to women for reasons that go beyond just physical appearances. Then in another hand I can also find myself attracted to men for reasons like having an outward personality an or a sense of humor. Outside appearances with either sex isn’t my first attraction even being as though I am a lesbian and the female body is attractive to me. I don’t find myself thinking of femininity at all and jealously that is something I am familiar with an also even have experiences in, but I don’t spend time dwelling on cause it doesn’t get me anywhere.

    I hope that I find someone in life that shares the same beliefs as I do. Plus I hope that they can be True an above all Honest in all parts of life.

    I know that my one an only is out there an during my wait I guess the only thing I can practice is patience.

    #SayNotoJealousy

  • With Love says:

    Hey Renee 🙂

    I wanted to read up on jealously, so thought I would check up on your blog since you are full of valuable insight.

    Well, my friend really pissed me off today… and deep down I would love to say that she only said what she did because she’s jealous!! Lol 🙂 I think its nice sometimes to perceive that on some level – maybe it gives a level of comfort or a feeling of superiority – Who knows.

    Anyway, I’m really into my health and fitness and do some crazy things for the good of my health. I’ve really been getting into my fitness more recently and perhaps over done things a little – well maybe a lot – doing a 2 hour fitness DVD on some days.

    Soooooo, I thought to myself, instead of feeling helpless and curling up on the sofa feeling sorry for myself, I thought f*ck the haters who are probably just dieing to see me fall down and be stuck. Well, I truly picked myself and got excessively into my health and fitness. Maybe a little bit too much as I have purposely trying to get a lower waist to hip ratio.

    Today and a day previous to now, she said that I looked a size 6!! I felt so offended deep down as I’m naturally slender and quite tall. The worst part is that she drew an illustration with her hands of me being straight up and down; with no curves.

    Sure, I’ve lost probably more weight off my bum and legs than needs be due to excessive squats and lunges – I’m probably not getting enough protein in take for the amount of effort I’ve put in with my fitness. I was angry with my friend as felt slightly that she was putting me down or wanted me to be second guessing myself as she knows that I’m sensitive
    and take things to heart.

    However, on this occasion, I’ve decided that its time to turn things up a notch, so told my friend that I’m taking a break from the fitness and going to create a new health and fitness regime so my body can have time to repair its self and balance out more equally.

    If she thinks that I’m giving up on my love of health and fitness then she will see in time that I’m taking the time to better myself!!

    I don’t know, maybe she feels slightly bad as she put on a bit of weigh and isn’t into fitness and healthy eating as I am, so maybe she’s more conscious of her weight at the moment and maybe other peoples, too. Nevertheless, I shall use my time to come up with a much better health and fitness plan.

    Now I just think watch this space to the haters who are expecting me to fall as I’m growing stronger and healthier by the day.

    On a positive note, someone else said that I look around a size 8-10, which is what I am about.

    All good things to come. I hope in the near future that I can tap more so to my feminine energy. It certainly makes me feel better about everything – the key to happiness perhaps.

  • Laura says:

    You have a really good point here. It reminds me of something my dad taught me and my sister when we were growing up: There is nothing more feminine than a mother, but in certain circumstances, there is nothing more dangerous either. In nature, if you threaten a nursing mother or her young, you’d better be ready for a serious fight. I don’t think it is masculine to protect yourself or your ‘young’ in the absence of a man – or even, to protect your ‘young’ in the presence of a man. (It would not be feminine to try and protect a man though, haha!).
    I think part of being feminine is responding to circumstances and remaining flexible. Sometimes that means responding to aggression. You didn’t attempt to ‘dominate’ your attacker, just to fend her off – hopefully far enough that she would not come back 🙂 My parents had very similar ideas about feminine and masculine energy that you cover here at The Feminine Woman. (They have been together for over 30 years). They taught me and my sister that being a woman is felxible, and that means making yourself attractive and approachable when you want to attract, and making yourself unattractive and unapproachable when you need to protect. Like you often say, it’s about trusting your instincts in each situation.
    Anyway, I appreciate the work you’re doing here. I am 26 and in a long-term commited relationship. It’s always good to have new information for those experiences that are tough and confusing 🙂 Thank you both!

  • River says:

    Also its bigoted to say a woman is becoming masculine for asserting herself, and its bigoted to say bad behaved women are masculine, all you’re doing here in reinforcing gender stereotypes and harming all genders.

  • River says:

    I wish your site would show “masculine” women the same respect as any other women. Instead of being such gender bigots. Its wrong that instrumental based/masculine women envy feminine women, we dont instead we want to be able to get on with our lived without being gender policed and forced into the binary.

  • Kylee says:

    Hi Ladies,

    I come here to vent when I’m lost for answers. I’ve had the most unbelievable experience recently. Late last year, our primary school had it’s annual sports day. My son won his race but unfortunately the adjudicator called it wrong and gave him second. All parents at the finish line were perplexed because it was clear who won. I approached the teacher and then later the principal and awkwardly but gently explained what had happened and that perhaps they could afford my son a blue ribbon as a consolation prize because of the mistake. The principal stonewalled me and argued. It was out of character for her but she looked at both me and my boy and said “Fine I’ll give you a ribbon but you won’t have deserved it!” She was horrible to us. After almost begging her to stop being so mean I walked away and told her she was a disgrace. Some nosy bitchy mums were around and listening. My boy and I left crying, he asked why should he try if he isn’t rewarded for it. Two weeks later my son had a nasty fall at school, he fell backwards onto some bluestone pavers jagged out of the garden ben. The injury didn’t present as particularly serious until the next morning when he couldn’t walk right so I took him to doctors and then for an xray. Turns out there was a fracture in the vertebrae. I immediately called the school to inform them so they could complete any incident/injury reports and let them know he wouldn’t be returning to school for the rest of the year (it was a week or so before Xmas holidays.) I got a call back telling me because he hadn’t presented to sick bay then it was considered a non-incident and not their problem. I was astounded by their lack of sympathy, responsibility and their apparent agenda to inform me that there was no legal fallback for us. They didn’t even ask how he was; where it happened; for me to show them the area; to ascertain if there were any risks for other children. They just didn’t want to be sued. I got quite angry and among other things, including seeking legal representation for any future medical issues, I got onto my own personal facebook page and vented to my friends about what had happened. I have nobody from school on my facebook page because honestly, I don’t trust them with information about my life. But a mother who I am friends with made a comment agreeing that this was the reason she removed her son from the school 3 years earlier. Well it seems that she still had contacts in her friends list who go to our school and they were then able to follow the thread from her comment to my post. 2 months later (yesterday) I get a threatening letter regarding my facebook page from the school demanding me to take it down. I used the process of elimination to figure out that there were 4 mothers on her friends list (from our school) who would have been privy to her comment on my post. 3/4 of these women are from the hating women’s group at our school who have been absolutely horrible to me for 5 years now. I have avoided them so that I only surround myself with good people, but in essence, they’ve hunted through the facebook page, found the post, printed it off and waited 2 months until school resumed to pass this on to the principal. What kind of hate dwells in the mind and heart of these horrible bitches to go to those lengths to bring someone down? If they hate me, stay away. But no they effectively stalked me, found something that could hurt me and then used it to try and destroy me. I knew women were horrible but this is a whole new world of hate that I’m flabbergasted actually exists. I can’t even have my own private life without them using their canine noses to sniff me out and attack. Why? Really? Why do they hate so much? It has crushed me. I know I’ve used a lot of words here but really, none of these words can express the immense shock at their behaviour. None at all.

  • kate says:

    My girlfriends and I always have this conversation. We use to be models and have mainstream attractive features. Its very difficult to deal with jealous types. But I think the best way is to try and avoid the situation.

    For example, I try to avoid talking about my personal relationships and I also try to avoid getting flowers or attention at work. I avoid wearing form fitting clothes or make-up at work. Also when I am being interviewed for a job, if I know its a woman interviewer, I try to wear pants, flats, no make-up and “flasses” fake glasses to make myself appear plain jane.

    Lets face it, women are catty. Also if a woman demonstrates ambition at work, she is often seen as a “bitch” or someone out for herself. If a guy demonstrates ambition its generally regarded as a good characteristic. That’s why I find Sheryl Sandberg’s “Lean In” to be flawed. So being an attractive woman, when I try to reach out for more responsibility and climb the corporate ladder, you can bet there are a lot of middle aged women in Human Resource that will do what they can to keep the gate closed.

    Navigating through social dynamics is extremely tricky when you are an attractive woman. I have so many do’s and don’ts I can probably write a book.

    • Diane Kahl says:

      You have said it all, my friend. I am age 66 and have experienced this in so many jobs and now in the ****60s**** in volunteer work, church, politics. Have become very very very selective about friends and environments, and yet still am tripped up from time to time. It is perilous for kind women — male physical predators and female emotional predators, can be very lonely and heartbreaking.

    • R.White says:

      can u help me get through it please. i dont have much luck in the job field, im sick of being nit picked at and watched like a hawk by male asshole managers, while i notice they pay no attention to or even bother the ugly and average looking chics. its starting to get annoying, that i hate to work regular job. the only place i seem to not have these issues is school.

  • Daleen says:

    I have a friend named Stephanie T., she is also friends with a nasty woman, also named Stephanie who hates me so much. Stephanie F.M. wants every woman, especially naturally attractive, beautiful, gorgeous women to be fat, ugly, unattractive, and insecure in life. My friend Stephanie T., used to be a healthy, fit, confident woman with a perfect, gorgeous yoga-fit body that wasn’t too thin who used to buy healthy, nutritious, organic, fair trade, sustainable, wholesome, natural food. Ever since she became friends with Stephanie F.M., that all changed; she has turned into this unhealthy, out of shape, sagged out, insecure, unattractive woman buying cheap, gross, unhealthy junk food and doesn’t exercise anymore. The only reason why they became friends is because they are Catholics who belong to the same cathedral, and their 10 year old daughters are friends. Every time my friend Stephanie T. makes an effort to get fit, eat healthy, and loses weight, Stephanie F.M. always discourages her by inviting her to her home or out to a food place and getting her to eat unhealthy, gross, greasy fast food to ruin her efforts. Stephanie F.M. has done this to so many women whom she was “supposedly” friends with! Stephanie F.M. hates me so much, wants everyone to hate me, especially all her friends. After finding out Stephanie T. is my friend, she told her vicious, malicious lies about me, including ‘stealing other women’s husbands’, to get her to hate me, snub me, and shun me. Stephanie F.M. is a Catholic, works full time at a deli, owns her own vehicle, is married to a Catholic man who also works full time, and has his own vehicle. They go to church every week, bringing their 10 year old daughter with them and own a large detached home. These lies about me were said at her workplace, my friend’s workplace and also at the cathedral they both go to with their families. The worst part of all is my friend’s 10 year old daughter and her own parents were right next to her when this happened and the other Catholics heard everything as well at the cathedral, that’s why my friend Stephanie T. believes everything Stephanie F.M. has said about me. I was at the mall a month ago, saw my friend Stephanie F.M., I walked four feet up to her and said “Hi Stephanie” out loud for her to hear me, stood right there for her to stop to see me, and acknowledge me, instead she had a disappointed look on her face, took a deep breath and turned around to face me as if it were the most difficult thing she had to do. She glared at me in anger, scowled at me in disgust, scorned me with such hatred in her eyes, spoke to me in disdain and ran out of the mall as if I were the plague. I tried asking Stephanie T. why she reacted like that and she wouldn’t tell me, she even tried to discourage from banking at the same bank she goes to, shopping at the same grocery store as her just to avoid running into me and her 10 year old daughter hates me as well. Stephanie T. is convinced I am a loser full of negative energy she doesn’t want to be my friend anymore, avoids me, snubs me, shuns me, and changed the time she goes to the same places I go to to avoid me as well. Being Catholic, Christian, or a follower of any branch of Christianity representing Jesus Christ, his mother the Virgin Mary, and his father god is about respecting them and their faith not using it as a source of mind-bending power to influence people in a negative way. Cathedrals, churches, etc. are there for people to show their respect for their spiritual faiths, not to promote unjust hatred towards other people who don’t deserve it!

  • Patricia Bustamante says:

    I never understood it but now I do. And now that I know…it is so unbelievable to me. It just doesn’t make sense because I would NEVER do this to someone else. But I guess its true. I never saw myself as a pretty or beautiful woman. EVER! In school, I was the one that would be picked on and made fun of by everyone. I was overweight, plain, and my hair would not cooperate in the humid climate of the state I lived in. I wasn’t a “beauty” in my opinion. I looked pretty but I didn’t have the personality necessary to hang around the clicky pretty girls…so why is it that these girls would go out of their way to be so mean to me and hurtful???? I don’t get it. In any case, after reading this article, I guess I understand now. There was the underlying, undercurrent of FEMENINITY that was all around me. Girls, particularly the ones that would go out of their way to attract the attention of the opposite sex, would see this all around me and they hated me for it…even though my purpose for going to school was completely different from theirs. And the boys, well…their reason for teasing me was because they actually “liked me”???? A bunch of scenarios that to this day are completely strange to me but I guess that is how it is. After high school I continued to experience these issues with women in college, at my p/t jobs while in college, at jobs in my career after college, in my family, etc… its exhausting! Or so it has been. I am finally understanding where it comes from…and like Rene…I feel bad for them… how difficult it must be to live the way they live…with all that insecurity and jealousy inside…constantly competing or worrying… terrible. Women are so silly… honestly… upset and jealous and fearful of so many things. Truly we need the Lord to help us overcome all this stuff. I am willing to pray!

  • Julie says:

    I have dealt with jealousy my whole life as well. It started with non other than my mother. After her and my dad divorced and she started dating. She asked me what was going on between me and her boyfriend…I was 5 years old! lol…she neglected and abused me as a toddler and then left my life at the age of 6. My earliest memories were of people telling me I was a beautiful child. The girls at school would pick apart my clothing, hair and bully me. One of the meanest ones, thought she would ask an older girl who was prettier, me or her. When the older girl told her I was, she started kicking me in the legs, tearing the skin on my knees. I had a small group of friends at school, but those girls always left me out. My best friend, who I always took care of, said she hated going out with me because the guys all liked me. I didnt care about those guys…I was the last one in my group to have a boyfriend and my friends were constantly trying to show me up. He couldnt believe my own friends would do that, but they copied everything about me and always did little things to cut me down and leave me out.

    It got worse when I graduated high school and moved in with my boyfriend who is now my husband in his hometown. Some of the girls who never even talked to me, were mean, vicious and harassed me. If they saw me out, they would try to bully me, they spread lies about me to hide their jealousy and insecurity, they tried to tell others I was the one jealous of them when I didnt even know who they were, they called my house and prank called non stop for years and years. It got scarier, because once we moved out of that town, they started calling my new house and actually tried inviting me out with them in a threatening way. Like they were going to gang up on me. I guess they thought they could take something from me if they could just get their hands on me. They copied my clothing, hair, car and basically everything about me and my life. If they saw me at the local grocery store, they were hateful in a group or ran off real fast if they were alone because my husband was there and knew what they were doing.

    This has happened with almost every women in my life, coworkers, neighbors, friends, family members and people I dont know who have seen me. I always blamed myself(when I was really too nice) it was the older women who came to my defense and told me it was jealousy and it was my husband who told me everyday how beautiful I was…that it was jealousy. Its so hard, I dont even dress wrong or promiscously,I dont even go around other people’s husbands, and I feel so alone that I make friends with women a lot older who are more mature and not threatened by a friendly attractive woman who is kind. I have lived through so much, even men can be as nasty as women. Trying to beat you down behind your back, fueling and playing off other womens insecurities so they wont like you, so they can be the one to rescue you and try to force their way into your life. It is abuse and women are not allowed to speak of it most of the time. We are not allowed to tell the truth and what is going on. When we do, we are called liars, we are told we are conceited, we are full of ourselves, we think we are all that…when we havent done nothing, but be the target of somebody else’s insecurity and jealousy.

  • Julie says:

    I have dealt with jealousy my whole life as well. It started with non other than my mother. After her and my dad divorced and she started dating. She asked me what was going on between me and her boyfriend…I was 5 years old! lol…she neglected and abused me as a toddler and then left my life at the age of 6. My earliest memories were of people telling me I was a beautiful child. The girls at school would pick apart my clothing, hair and bully me. One of the meanest ones, thought she would ask an older girl who was prettier, me or her. When the older girl told her I was, she started kicking me in the legs, tearing the skin on my knees. I had a small group of friends at school, but those girls always left me out. My best friend, who I always took care of, said she hated going out with me because the guys all liked me. I didnt care about those guys…I was the last one in my group to have a boyfriend and my friends were constantly trying to show me up. He couldnt believe my own friends would do that, but they copied everything about me and always did little things to cut me down and leave me out.

    It got worse when I graduated high school and moved in with my boyfriend who is now my husband in his hometown. Some of the girls who never even talked to me, were mean, vicious and harassed me. If they saw me out, they would try to bully me, they spread lies about me to hide their jealousy and insecurity, they tried to tell others I was the one jealous of them when I didnt even know who they were, they called my house and prank called non stop for years and years, they copied my clothing, hair, car and basically everything about me. If they saw me at the local grocery store, they were hateful in a group or ran off real fast if they were alone.

    This has happened with almost every women in my life, coworkers, neighbors, friends, family members and people I dont know who have seen me. I always blamed myself(when I was really too nice) it was the older women who came to my defense and told me it was jealousy and it was my husband who told me everyday how beautiful I was…that it was jealousy. Its so hard, I dont even dress wrong or promiscously,I dont even go around other people’s husbands, and I feel so alone that I make friends with women a lot older who are more mature and not threatened by a friendly attractive woman who is kind. I have lived through so much, even men can be as nasty as women. Trying to beat you down behind your back, fueling and playing off other womens insecurities so they wont like you, so they can be the one to rescue you and try to force their way into your life. It is abuse and women are not allowed to speak of it most of the time. We are not allowed to tell the truth and what is going on. When we do, we are called liars, we are told we are conceited, we are full of ourselves, we think we are all that…when we havent done nothing, but be the target of somebody else’s insecurity and jealousy.

    • Juliet Dahlgren says:

      Hey Julie, reading your story really helped me not feel so alone. I’ve been dealing with similar issues about my looks all my life and I can relate. Thank you.

  • Jessica says:

    Jealousy, to me, is a form of flattery even though it’s an ugly trait to have. People always want what other people have, but have no clue on what to do to get it for themselves. I have a wonderful husband who is loyal, patient, faithful, and kind-hearted. The majority of women would say and do anything to gain a man like him. My tip for that is work on getting yourself together and let him find you. As for friends, I don’t have any because of past experiences with females claiming to be my friend. Some people come in your life for a lifetime; the majority come for a season. Who cares about people being jealous of you? Let them continue to be jealous.

  • Kaye says:

    Reading this has honestly helped, I don’t feel like I’m the only one any more.
    I have had snarky comments like “who are you trying to impress?”, “why are you always making an effort?” “You think you’re a model!”
    it can never be or maybe she just enjoys getting dressed and likes to look good for herself.
    I’m quite a shy person , who hates attention or made to feel awkward. I easily get embarassed and to be honest I do tend to let people get away with saying mean things.
    For the past two years I have been really struggling, after a women in church made a comment about my backside being too big. On one occasion I was made to feel bad for wearing not tight but fitted clothes, clothes that are my actual body size. I literally struggle every Sunday morning , I only take my jacket off when I’m sitting down in church.
    This really hurts because women already struggle with body image and instead of uplifting each other, some people think it’s okay to be making someone feel uncomfortable for how God made them. I’m tired of feeling bad for wanting to look womanly.
    I noticed that a lot of these people that made comments like this to me, either didn’t know how to dress themselves (how ironic?), didn’t wear makeup, of where uncomfortable about there bodies so they hid them in unflattering clothes.

  • JJ says:

    It really saddens me the level of viciousness women (of all ages) treat other women with. You would think this all stops after high school but apparently not. One instance that really stood out in my memory: one day I was at the mall strolling with my boyfriend. I lovingly put my arms around his waist as we were walking, and an old lady sitting on a bench nearby screamed “Shame on you!!!”. When my boyfriend asked if she was talking to us, she replied “HER! Not you.” and pointed at me. I thought that was ridiculous. I was wearing normal clothing and we were both showing the same level of affection, which wasn’t even bordering on PDA for that matter.
    Many of my female friends including someone I consider my best friend will nonchalantly and in a ‘joking’ way say things ranging from I look like a guy, albeit a pretty one, or that I need to hang around her more to heighten my IQ, or even mimic my tone of voice when I talk in my naturally feminine tone. I’m still friends with her because despite all that she is a good person and is there for me.
    Over the years, I’ve come to realize when I compliment or encourage my female friends that do this kind of behavior the cat-iness dies down in the short term but will come back with a vengeance if the compliments are not kept coming. But I don’t think my role in their life should be that of a mother or therapist or whatever; it is not my responsibility to make up for your insecurities and lack of confidence. Even if I wanted and could keep doing that, it is really draining for me. Sometimes with some girls, you being the bigger person exacerbates matters, when the female friend with jealousy issues will dare to go even further or get infuriated that in addition to being attractive, you can be a good person as well. In those cases, I’ve had rumors spread that put my reputation on the line with blatant, outright lies, or comments out of nowhere about “why my facial expression” is the way it is, or as one girlfriend did, ask me to rank our four group of friends and then proceed to tell me she thinks the other two girls are super pretty. Those experiences hurt and frustrate me at the same time because I can’t for the life of me figure out why it’s necessary to say things like that or what good it does them.
    They say pretty girls always have an uglier friend that hang out with to make themselves seem better looking. I disagree. I don’t believe the ‘pretty’ girls only make friends with the ‘uglier’ girl because of their looks. It has nothing to do with comparative looks. Those girls are just more real, down to earth, comfortable with themselves, and don’t feel the need to put others down. While truly feminine women don’t need to boast their femininity. It just works.
    Anyways, thanks for this post and reading all the comments that other girls felt and experienced the same things I have made me feel better.

    • smiley says:

      Very well said, and I’m so sorry that you had to deal/ put up with the unnecessary viciousness of the average catty woman, because unfortunately I think most women are this way. I send you a hug of comfort. Steer away from those so-called friends, those were never real! And, no, you are not here to be their counselor or make up for their lack insecurity and confidence. You deserve a healthy circle of friends that will encourage and love one another. I truly hope you cut ties with those parasites! Much luck to you on your new social circle with REAL people.

    • Stacy Hirsh says:

      I am 43 and still deal with mean catty women, they are usually younger than me and they are insecure. I am too old to deal with these mean bitches. I dealt with this when I was in high school but girls can be like that in their teens but as an adult I think it is really getting old, why are some women mean to me for no reason?

      • Anna C says:

        You’re right, I think it’s because of insecurity. They think that you have something they don’t. And they don’t want to work to get it.

        • Linda Cooper says:

          Over the years, I’ve come to realize when I compliment or encourage my female friends that do this kind of behavior the cat-iness dies down in the short term but will come back with a vengeance if the compliments are not kept coming.

          New Crowd!

          But I don’t think my role in their life should be that of a mother or therapist or whatever; it is not my responsibility to make up for your insecurities and lack of confidence.

          Bingo!

          Even if I wanted and could keep doing that, it is really draining for me.

          Never ignore this sign! Time to pull back!

          Sometimes with some girls, you being the bigger person exacerbates matters, when the female friend with jealousy issues will dare to go even further or get infuriated that in addition to being attractive, you can be a good person as well. In those cases, I’ve had rumors spread that put my reputation on the line with blatant, outright lies,

          I am soo sorry. Been there done that.

          or comments out of nowhere about “why my facial expression” is the way it is,

          Well, I always say, “Because I am not a shriveling little wall flower doormat that is perpetually seeking your approval!” You want people to back off of you quickly tell them “I don’t need your approval.” This is a game changer and most people don’t know how to react, and if they are really power freaks they get angry.

          or as one girlfriend did, ask me to rank our four group of friends and then proceed to tell me she thinks the other two girls are super pretty. Those experiences hurt and frustrate me at the same time because I can’t for the life of me figure out why it’s necessary to say things like that or what good it does them.

          Read my post, it is the Electra Complex. Here’s the scenario, two little girls are best friends, the other little girl comes along and the three are friends for a while until one of the original of the two girls is rudely chucked out. That is the subconscious fantasy of getting rid of “Mommy.” They are sexually threatened by you.
          Think of cheerleaders, they are the females that display themselves to the alpha guys. How many cheerleaders do you know are tolerant of anyone who isn’t in their click? If those sports guys go for the non-cheerleader types they get crap for it. Then think of the reaction we have to cheerleaders. We’re set up from adolescence to play this scenario over and over again. Think of how many men dote on the “Daddy’s girl” as a way of getting back at their wives.
          Sexually and emotionally mature men and women don’t behave like this.
          My present relationship is with a man who has had women tolerate his bullshit and stroke his ego his entire life. He was astonished when we first lived together that I would argue back. I would say what kind of doormats did you hang out with before? or Sorry I left the PomPoms behind in high school.
          These women are perpetually frustrated because they don’t get the respect in relationships they would get if they quit being a doormat or get out of the relationship that expects them to be.
          Although my maternal grandmother was an idiot, my great-grandmothers all divorced in the 1920s and stayed single the rest of their lives except for one, my maternal great grandmother. My Dad’s Grandma single all her life after her divorce, My maternal Grandfather’s mother Single all her life after her divorce. The final one died when the kids were young. Growing old alone is something I am not frightened of, and think about it…we usually out live our beloved anyway.

      • Dangerous Chicken says:

        Hi. Yes I get you completely. I’m 42 and the younger women can be down right evil. No its not you, its them they are insecure and hate women with femininity and beauty. I see from your pic that you are stunning. Don’t fall for their childish ways.

  • HBillson says:

    I’m so sorry to read some of these comments on this page about women being treated with hatred by other women and finding good company only in the company of men. Friends of either sex are of course great – finding people you relate to, have fun with and feel loved by regardless of gender – but to not have female friends is such an incredible loss. The times in my life when I experienced anything of this nature, is when I was just in the wrong place in my life, among the wrong people who didn’t share my values or dreams in any way. There are women out there who dare share your values and dreams and they want to be your friend … women who LOVE other women, who will listen to and support them, who will cheer you on when things are great and support you when they are not so great. You have to trust that there are these people out there and they are looking to find a friend just like you. They are not jealous of you because they feel good about themselves and when you feel good about themselves, their hearts swell with joy for you. I hope you find those girls. Big <3.

  • Sue Dot says:

    Hello Renee, I am so, so relieved that someone else has gone through this. Most of my life, I have been at the receiving end of negative comments from females. It started in the playground at school, women at work, women walking past me in the town (whom I did not know from Adam), my neighbours living opposite me, women at social gatherings (again not known to me). Finally, to cap it all, women in choirs and at church would you believe? I used to love singing and Bible reading, but now I keep well away; I now lead a very quiet life, mind my own business and keep my mind and hands busy. Granted, being an auburn haired person with brown eyes certainly is different from the norm, but for goodness sake why the cruelty? Stop all this catty bullying; it drives many poor souls to commit suicide. Thank you for reading.

  • Elbee says:

    I truly appreciate this article and the posts because I have been mistreated and abused because of my femininity for as far back as I can recall. It was not until I recently began to assess my relationships with females that I realized their insults and mistreatments toward be were stemmed from jealousy. Although many men were able to detect and advise me of this, I was always in denial and blamed myself for the way women treated me. I always thought there was something wrong with me because I could never get with the cattiness and gossiping (which they shamefully call “sisterhood”). Although it’s sad to know there are other women experiencing this, I’m glad to not feel like I’m the one with the problem. I’m actually content with flushing these bottom-feeding, backbiting, jealous parasites into the toilet where they belong. I now only surround myself with truly feminine friends and I feel all the better.

  • Miranda says:

    Amazing article. I am 28 and have constantly faced envy from female colleagues through the years. This has created major problems in my professional life. Men love me, most of my friends are male and I seem to easily get help from them. They would do anything for me. Women treat me with hostility and resentment and play all kinds of nasty games like ignoring me, talking bad behind my back, treating me very aggressively and rudely, etc. I am a passive, live and let live idealistic person, a lover not a fighter and always let them abuse me in this way. I don’t know how to stop their behaviour. I try to be even nicer to them so they will stop but they get angrier, and I end up feeling discouraged. Men always come to my rescue in situations like this. It’s frustrating though to be so hated …

    • Kylee says:

      Hi Miranda,

      It’s funny how we all feel like we’re suffering alone yet your story is like the story of my life. Men treat me much better than women. I used to feel that there was something bad or wrong about me and I’ve destroyed my own self esteem by letting them get to me. But I finally realised, none of their husbands act this way toward me. So if i was such a bad person, wouldn’t everyone hate me? I guess I am likeable and the problem is the women. I have stopped blaming myself and started seeing women for what they really are. None of the mums at school will look at me or come to say hello to me but the husbands will come over, ask how I am and have a friendly catch up. I try to be nice to women. I pay compliments. I smile and show interest and generosity but I get nothing in return. Just today, a woman who could be described as an attractive woman, was dressed in a lovely dress. I thought I’d try to break the ice by paying her a compliment. She smirked and grunted as she swept past me. Sometimes I think the attractive ones are threatened because they think their position at the top is threatened. I have a very good looking husband who treats me and my family with love and devotion. Many of these women will not acknowledge me unless David is there. And then suddenly there’s smiles and hello’s all round. It’s unbelievable. Yesterday another very rude mother, who has been passive aggressive to me for years now, abused me from her car. Finally, I had enough and wrote an email to her condemning her bitchiness and told she’s just another face in the world of jealous bitches (not in those words but that was the drift.) I also asked her if it made her feel good to single out one woman to treat like shit. Of course she pulled the innocent act but that’s another female trick. Act innocent. I decided no more being nice. No more paying compliments. No more saying hello. I will not spend my life looking for female approval. I know how hurtful and confusing it is to feel like a germ that women are desperate to get away from. But I find the best way to piss a nasty woman off is simply, look better than them. That’s all it takes. I don’t participate in female friendships anymore. They are too destructive. You cannot trust them. They will attack you the first chance they get. Even without reason. It’s hard… but rise above them. There is absolutely nothing you can do to change it. I’ve spent 40 years trying. And after finally confronting one of the main culprits, I feel better and stronger. The funny thing though, two women in a certain clique at school who have been disapproving of me for years and are dismissive of me every chance they get, suddenly they both went out and got the same hairstyle as me. But that implied compliment does not take away the pain of their bitchiness. Women are still living in caves. They are not evolved. They still have claws and fangs unfortunately. And I don’t expect that I will ever have a good female friend for the rest of this life. Quite frankly, I don’t want one. They are not worth the destruction they bring. So keep your head high, look better, dress better, let them know they don’t affect you even if they do. Because right or wrong, they will not change and showing vulnerability will not soften them, it will give them a target for their arrows.

    • Tory says:

      I feel your pain, kind of.
      I don’t even consider myself beautiful, cute or anything so great.(but I’ve been told by different people I’m pretty or that when girls notice their bks staring at me, they get angry and become alert right away, like If I wanted to steal their bf, dear lord, are they deluded or what? so self-centered)

      I have felt that sense of dislike or animosity from other girls. It sucks because I am not rude or hurtful to others, although I’m very shy, so that must make me come across as “vulnerable” or whatever.

      It is so sad that instead of being supportive to each other, women choose to be mean and harm you emotionally, professionally, etc.

      My heart goes out to you.

  • Abigail says:

    Renee,
    I am glad you wrote this post. I have been under this kind of oppression for years.
    But did not know it and then had no clue how to handle it. Its actually happening right now. I recently started working at an office, and I have taken quite a bit of ridicule for dressing classy feminine (dresses and heels). My boss (a man) jokingly told me to wear flats. This is only one small example. Recently I had one woman who almost always has some critical words or cut down towards me; went to my manager and threw accusations about me that resulted in me being forced to take on the receptionist duty of answering the phones, when my position has yet to be fully formed. I know its from jealousy and trying to belittle my position here. So I went to my manager and came clean with her. I was vulnerable with her of how it affected me and the persons snippy remarks toward me. It is a very small company so I have to act wisely. Yet the outcome was good. I can still tell the effects have changed the ability to for lasting friendships here with most ppl.

  • sadgirl says:

    I relate to a lot of these comments. People can be downright mean to shunning you for being genuinely kind. I guess they suspect something. I dont know. Men can be hateful as well if they have low self esteem. They won’t protect you. It is important to still love and forgive. Don’t let these things harden your heart.

  • Via says:

    “Every woman can achieve true femininity, but not every woman does. ”

    Sorry, but I don’t agree. There are hopeless cases which are just too bitter and angry. Being feminine also means to sacrifice modern lifestyles, behavior or benefits in society which are just not ladylike. Few are willing to do it.

    • Kelly says:

      Here is the thing ladies, there is always going to be someone younger, prettier, more attractive, smarter, sexier,ect than the next one. So ladies stop being jealous of one another and embrace one another. Attractive ladies, stop crying the blues and acting like it’s you when you know that you would probably feel just like the ladies looking at you in a room filled with women who are superior looking to you ( because- guess what- they are out there) Focus on your personalities, your talents, don’t cross boundaries and flirt with your friends significant others ( and don’t act dumb and pretend that you don’t know how to act properly in the company of your friends boyfriends or husbands or try to get narcissistic attention) . The question is – What talents do you have and what do you have to offer other than being beautiful or pretty because that is really not a talent and it’s not really THAT interesting. Be compassionate, humble, loving, kind and good. If the jealous ones get out of control, have self respect and don’t put up with bad behavior. However, just try to stay centered and understanding and a bit more well rounded than “just pretty” or “just beautiful”. Coming from someone who has been attractive her whole life and who realizes that there is more to life than just looks!!!!!! Wake up ladies and start getting along and empowering one another instead of tearing each other down!

      • Kylee says:

        We have tried getting along. How dare you minimize our experiences. Maybe we don’t want to spend our lives dancing for other women. Who are you to say we trade on looks? Who are you to say we don’t use our talents? Who are you to say any of that stuff? You sound like a misogynist. Crying the blues? That is really disgraceful. People suffer depression and anxiety due to the way their lives have played out for them and you call it the blues?

        You’re on the wrong forum.

      • sandra says:

        Kelly, just because perhaps YOU have “traded on your looks” in the past doesn’t mean all feminine and/or attractive women do as well. Also, femininity isn’t necessarily tied to being beautiful. Beauty is a physical trait while femininity is an energy. I don’t really understand why you’re coming on this website to shout down women you’ve never met and tell them their problems come from them acting too flirtatious with other women’s husbands and from “trading on their beauty.” Looks like the person who could use a little humility is you.

        It’s a phenomenon that happens again and again: many times the more feminine, sweet, and cooperative woman gets both hated on by the more aggressive and masculine woman because they think she’s “trading on her looks and feminine charms” with men AND she also gets downtrodden by these masculine women who just push and shove their way in.

  • Clarice appleton says:

    Why some women are so nasty and jealous of other women I find hard to understand myself. A person may not have beautiful looks etc but she may have a beautiful kind nature which is just as important I think. The inward exterior is sometimes plays a more important part in a person personality In my time I have known many women some I was not that friendly with as they where always criticizing their friends to others with such venom. I find that men don’t seem to be as catty towards their fellow men as women are sometimes are towards their fellow women. As this article says some women are very jealous of good looking women and go out of their way to be nasty to them this is terrible state of affairs I think. I hope I never get like that these type of people need to get a life I think. Except people the way they are or not at all move away from them and leave them alone.

  • lee says:

    One thing that I admire– and I’m only saying this because I am this way- is a beautiful woman who acts and dresses with grace. Who doesnt need my husband’s approval or any man’s for that matter. Who considers her friend’s husbands — these men are completely off limits and shows this by dressing respectively for the love and security of her married female friend.. to consider the gift you have being beautiful by realizing how you dress and behave around other women’s men shows great depth, love, respect and kindness towards your female friends with men.. we do not have to wear tight clothes, show cleavage and use our bodies/gestures to catch every man’s attention.. we are not on this earth for that!
    Women need to give up this need that overrides respecting their friend’s marriages and relationships. . There is no good coming from a friend who dresses sexually around her married friend’s husband– or for that matter, her married friend’s teenage boys.. it is hurtful, destructive and mostly very very ugly in spirit and in deed

    • Adele says:

      I disagree and think that a woman should dress to make herself feel good. If a beautiful woman thinks she has to dress down around my husband or “modestly” to protect my relationship, it feels condescending to me. This would mean that she would think herself so sexy and desirable that she herself is a threat to my own marriage and that my husband would not choose me over her if given the opportunity.

    • Grace says:

      Thank you for the article and posts. It is difficult to be around a group of woman who are so clearly jealous of you that several behaviors begin to crop up over time. One is that one person from the group begins to either dress like you, buy the same makeup/accessories as you do or literally do things as you are doing them such as going back to school or dating. It seems as though the group of young woman that I meet from time to time have found a way to integrate the things that I do expressions that I mention and adopt them. And, there was a time for a very long while when they seemed to actually look up to me and was interested in me as a friend/person. Now, they have grown in their own ways though are not being as respectful to me as they used to. There is one woman in the group who I do not get along with however somehow she has won their hearts. The reason I do not care for her is for two reasons. One is that she used to interrupt the one in the group whenever she tried to speak and I thought that was rude. The second reason is because I am very spiritual and one day she made fun of that. I have been through a tremendous amount of loss and difficulties throughout my life since childhood and believing in God is innate. God is the reason I get up in the morning the rest in my life is secondary etc. So the group saw that I had a reaction when she disrespected me and they seem to favor her. I feel that it is best I do not get together with them though we have been doing so for 6 years. I just will not tolerate that kind of behavior and at the same time it is difficult to leave a group woman that I have a history with. This can happen gradually though it needs to happen. I deserve respect and truly caring friends. Thank you for the examples and good words. I wish every the best in all of their relationships. Grace

  • Kylie P says:

    I have had the same problem my whole life. I always thought it was because I was too weak and let people “walk over” me. But I have always been my parent’s favorite, even by siblings my most jealous sibling I have been purposefully dragged down. Which still did not damper my parents view of me because they knew who I was all of the years of my life, and were aware of the aggressive personality of my sibling. To start off I have always been a loyal friend to a fault. I have always been kind and willing to do what I could to please and help others with their problems. It started in 5th grade and there was a break and in my junior year of high school things got really bad. I had been the captain of my cheerleading squad for 2 years. I was pretty good at cheerleading but I believe my coach chose me to lead the team not because I have ever been a great leader but because of my fairness, respect for others and rules, empathy, and drive to make others laugh and feel good about themselves. A new girl came into our school and befriended a girl that I was friends with. I was at a small private school and there were only about 15 girls in our graduating class so pickings for friends was not the best. So I accepted this girl as a friend and her and my friend became very promiscuous girls. We went to a Christian school and so rules of moral obedience were a top priority so I thought. We went to cheer camp and we had some girls who were freshman on our squad. They were very innocent girls who had been in the Christian private school all of their lives and did not know much about sex or anything of that nature. The two girls “my friends” proceeded to tell these young girls about their sexual escapades. I overheard them but decided to stay out of the conversation. I let the young girls know in private that I was a virgin and that they should stay virgins until marriage because it was not worth giving themselves in that way to a young boy who wouldn’t value or be with them within a week. So the girls naturally went and told their mothers of the things they had heard from the 2 girls. Their parents contacted our dean and she summoned the whole squad in for a meeting to discuss the claims. The two girls “my friends” denied the allegations. The freshman girls swore it was true. The “tie breaker” fell on me. Our dean asked me “Before God tell the truth is it true?” So what could I do, I told her it was the truth. After that those girls made my life a living Hell. I ended up eating in the bathroom everyday for lunch and crying at home at night. They vandalized my house, and this is when the internet had just started, they harassed me on instant messaging. They had girls from other schools who did not know me harass me as well. It was very hard to deal with and so my parents moved me to a smaller homeschool/school environment. I would go to school 2 days a week and the rest of the time I was supposed to be homeschooled but I had already acquired enough credits that homeschooling was not needed. So what happened to the girls? They were never expelled, instead the dean began to favor them and give them opportunities no other student had, it was very bizarre but years later I found out that she had been fired for being corrupt financially and morally. In some way I felt a little vindicated in that regard, she had put me on the line and let me burn. The new school I went to had many girls who were saving their purity and who were actually plain in their looks but they were the most physically and emotionally beautiful people I had ever met because of their sweetness and pureness. I enjoyed my senior year because of them. There was never any jealously just love! One of the girls tried to “friend” me on Facebook and I declined her request and did not message her back when she attempted to plea for my friendship as if nothing had happened. The other girl was also blocked from my Facebook. I am not here to say you have to be a Christian or a virgin to be feminine I am only saying that those were the values and personality traits (kindness, loyalty, compassion) that I possess that has drawn many women to try to bring about my demise. I have multiple stories but I am only sharing this one…all the others are equally as bad. I feel sad for them.

  • Tamara says:

    I’ve lived in North America all my life and am all too familiar with the American womans attitude towards feminine women who are real about it. Looking back I honestly believe that my first run in with this kind of jealousy came from my own mother. She was undeniably a jealous woman, period. Starting when I was very, very young, about 7 or 8, she would make horrible, crushing comments to me about my appearance. She also made a concerted effort to ensure that I believed I looked like a boy. She even went so far as to have my hair cut in a severely short style, which, much to her chagrin, looked fantastic on me. But I was unable to absorb all the compliments I recieved because I was completely brainwashed into thinking I was hideous. My mother even deflected admiring comments made to her about me! She would counter every one if not straight out deny it was true. She compared me to other girls to express how much prettier they were. She denied me any access to any kind of feminine expression, be it ribbons, girlie clothes (or even new clothes) as well. She wouldnt even allow me to have a coveted Barbie Doll. I had absolutely no self esteem. I believed her and became an easy target at school. In particular, I was called ugly and referred to as a dog. It went on through my entire time in grade school without a fight from me. Around the time I turned 13 my body began to take the form I had longed for, and gave up hope it would ever arrive. But it did, and with a vengance! In the midst of my transformation the young men at temple took notice. After one boy in particular took a longer than normal glance at me I asked my mother when I could begin to date. Her reply? “Whatever age you are when someone is stupid enough to ask you out.” Those were her words, verbatim. It wasn’t long after that when someone was stupid enough and I was not allowed to go out with him. Even when I was given the initial ok to have a date, my mother found any nit-picky reason she could conjure up to punish me for and force me to break it off. But still, my femininity, now undeniable, was not going to go waste if I could help it. It started out rough, with me never having been taught the coy little games used to lure a guy into my world for any period of time, but I continued to express my femininity, and continue shining in all its glory to this day. (I never did learn or get the point of those “chase me” games and never took to playing them)
    Going to work is unbearable some days, especially now. Until recently, I still had that deeply ingrained notion that I was boy-like. But not too long ago I had an epiphany. A true, bona-fide realization of self. At that moment I was able to release all the dogma which had been shoved down my throat that I was still allowing to possess me. I became free, confident, and really didn’t give a damn if anyone felt negative towards me. I didn’t crawl to these frenemies anymore, with pleas for forgiveness of whatever I had done to make them whisper about me and exile me from their cliques. I actually do not care anymore if they don’t like me and see those actions as a game to boost them up from their insecurities. I am confident within myself that I am a good person. I am an extremely loyal friend, even if the friendship ends. The confidences shared are sealed files in my mind because I have no desire to hurt someone that way. And I would never be a home wrecker. Not to my friends, or to anyone. I don’t need to steal anyone’s man. Not with so many other options available to me! But attention from any man is too much for my catty co-workers to deal with. I have been bullied, slandered, and they have made deliberate attempts to severely hurt me. Unfortunately, I’ve made the mistake of letting it go on too long, which has exasperad the situation. Now that I stick up for myself these ladies have even more fuel for their disgust in me. I’m getting extremely indignant reactions to my unexpected, no nonsense (however kindly worded) none of your buisness answers to the prying questions they ask. I’m no longer bowing down to their need to even the playing field by giving them information to pick apart and judgmentally use against me. It will take time, but they’re just going to have to get used to it.

    • lee says:

      Feminine energy is very real.. for me, my friends tend to befriend me because at first glance the assume im safe because I have a few extra pounds.. but as we go out together and we spend more rime together they become aware that those extra pounds do not keep me from receiving glances from men.. and their fondness.. I am considered youthful and curvy.. I dont wear dont tight clothes but prefer to dress cute but conservative. .I do not flirt but do smile a lot.. I have a wonderful blessed family life.. husband is a very cute doctor, loves God, treats me with love and a loyal devoted family man.. we have no weird problems. . Just simply thankful happy folk who have worked and sacrificed to get where we are in life..
      So I guess that is a recipe for haters.. they are everywhere. . Sadly in church.. at the work place.. sister-in-law loathes me and has sadly taught her children to look upon me the same.. I have tried kindness, generosity,love to no avail..
      I would love to have a friend.. someone who is happy with their own life that can understand and appreciate that I am actually happy with mine..
      Last, since I lost weight, the haters are even more hateful..

    • Gillian says:

      Tamara,

      I have very similar experience with my own parents. The wounds can run deep.

  • wow says:

    Reading your article made me feel better that there are more beautiful women outside in the world that are just as envied and treated so jealously over nothing.I also worked at a perfume counter that had the same issues and we also had a tyrant there that was jealous of all the girls especially me.This girl E pretented to be my friend but started talking about me behind my back.E hated when men would come in and tell them there honest opinion of me they thought I was beautiful because I was sweet and didn’t hide behind piles of makeup like she did.She hated when the guys or people would tell her nice things about me.The good thing was I had a whole dept of people that just went off on her for bullying me even thoguh I ended up finding another job I realized how sad I felt for her that she hated herself and treated nice women that way.E had a friend that worked with her that was also a bully her friend had a mental breakdown in the dept and I always rushed out to clean up her area and help her out with her customers while she was gone only to find out later she was talking about me to when I could have said mean things about her I reached out in kindness instead.Just knowing that people disliked them was their punishment they didn’t need me to tell them anything.Till this day I hope they are not bullying anyone.I had to go through so much she would say I had fake boobs,why didn’t I wear more make-up and random things like that.I have over the years learned to befriend these types of women as to put them at ease that I’am not a threat.I moved in 2 years ago to the block and a neighbor told me I was a breath of fresh air and so every woman started hating once I started improving the area cleaning out the alleys,getting repair work done to the streets,cleaning the house that I moved into making it look 100 times better it was simply because I love plants and cleaning up.I had them running outside everytime I was out there competing shamlessly if I watered they watered,if I put up a birdhouse they did,whatever I seemed to do they copied.I even had a man competing with me hiding in the bushes and running off when I came out.He would start watering when I came out or just run outside when I came out.I had them copying my hairstyles ,clothes and at first it burned me up that they were doing it out of spite.I eventually started to say hello to some and befriended some and most of them stopped there are only a few now that continue the same drama.If I buy some plants they will put out the same thing I have outside if they see me working out they will be outside trying to work out.If I water they will water.I have learned to be friendly and not let it get to me as I realized some people have no inner happiness and no self esteem so they look to others to try to fullfill their lives by trying to become like them or put them down to make themselves feel better.In the end people see who the copycats are or see who the bullies are and don’t like it.I have learned to stay away from the jealous,spiteful ones and do my own thing.The thing that I learned is that they can only last so long trying to put you down and they can only last so long copying you before they get tired of not being themselves and we can only keep finding peace and happines by being ourselves and trying to be kind and loving and people will always back you up when you have no malice in your heart.

    • Theo says:

      Hi Lee,
      Sounds familiar! I also have no close female friends. I have a wonderful husband and children. We both work and are successful. Help out as much as we can at church. But for some reason friends come and go. Just lost another one after receiving an award and being featured in a news parer article… I go out of my way to make people happy, however they all drift away.
      Theo

  • Teri says:

    Hello – I would like to define what I think feminine means, beyond the more superficial ‘looks’ aspects. And, by the way, ‘feminine’ aspects of nature can be held by males, as well – though frequently to a lesser degree. femininity, I believe, encompasses ideals such as gentleness, helpfulness, flexibility, empathy – and a kind of willingness to listen to others, and not just forcefully hold dear our own limited opinions. I think this comes down to the traditional roles of the female in nurturing those around her in order to do her part (sorry) in keeping families/tribes/etc. in a well-balanced atmosphere where children could thrive (and repeat the sequence as adults.) These were truly traditional female roles of many generations before ours – not to be ‘coquettish’ but, I contend, as an adaptation, and so were not contrived but, instead, very organic. This is what is so beautiful, to me, about true femininity. Still, I don’t imagine that even long ago, some women were not cranky, or jealous, or even bossy. But I still think the idea was to basically nurture others, to help others (particularly for the sake of one’s own children) to thrive. In other words, in order to help ensure human survival, I believe nature kind of set it up this way. I also believe that traditionally, in many cultures, certain things have been run by the more ‘masculine’ ways of doing things; things such as groups acquiring land and power, etc. Wars were the typical consequence and war is the direct opposite of what the ‘feminine’ ideal brings to the table. So, I was under the impression that feminism started as a kind of opposition to the ‘masculine’ ways of power struggles and violence to achieve an end. The idea being that women can listen, women can relate, women can give and take. But I think what happened is that feminism, when it first starting with the whole equal rights efforts (about which I have no issue with) became instead a kind of convoluted way of bashing the masculine, while paradoxically ending up actually emulating it. In other words, women some how felt that since they desired the same rights as men, they ought to start acting more aggressive like them, etc. This actually means that what started out as feminism, actually kind of morphed into the anti- feminine. For, if one remained truly feminine in nature, she perhaps hadn’t gotten the memo that women need to be more dominant and controlling. I think this is subconsciously where the dislike may come from. It’s as though feminine women are seen by the more aggressive, masculine-natured women as being sell-outs, or something. And I do truly see this as an odd sort of phenomena – even down to watching a group of women pounding the table in front of a televised football game. Sorry, kind of seems awkward to me to this day. I think our culture in general has shifted to favor the masculine, to shun the feminine. I think it’s a rather unfortunate state of affairs, by the way.

  • K says:

    I love this article.

    I have always had problems with other women hating on me and this article helps me feel more love towards them because it helps me understand where they are coming from. I have never had a problem making male friends, but female friends are far and few between. Yet, I love women – I love being around my own gender and sharing wonderful talks and experiences with them. Don’t get me wrong, I love my male friends – but often it seems that they are a different species.

    I had to quit a job before due to my immediate female supervisor making my life a living hell while I was there. She would trash talk me to her supervisors so they thought I was incompetent (even though I definitely was not), give me the hardest work, blame me for things I did not do, etc. The final straw for me was when she tried to make me sign a disciplinary paper stating I had done something I did not do. I refused and gave my 2 weeks notice the next day. I used to despise her – now I feel love and pity for her. I hope she eventually found happiness.

    Also, I am an engineering student and oh my – it is very, very hard to be a feminine woman in such a male dominated field where even the females are extremely masculine. But I love my field and I will not give it up just because I feel the ire of the few other females in my department. The guys love me (and yes, I am pretty, that does help – but I’m not a supermodel *smiles*) so that makes it a bit easier. I just wish the girls in my department would band together and help each other more instead of tearing each other down. I distinctly remember one girl saying that she hated there were so many girls (5 of us – which is a lot for an engineering course) in the class. I turned around and told her that I thought it was wonderful and that we should be working together. Of course, I later found out she has said some very nasty things about me.

    At any rate, I love this site so much. Everything makes so much sense and reinforces things I have always sensed but was unable to articulate. Thank you so much, Renee – you are a wonderful soul.

  • AriesP says:

    Funny article as I have always dealt with women who appear to befriend me but in turn I find myself saying “There is a Judas Amongst Us”. I love women as I do men and I am never the one to say I DONT GET ALONG with women (being I am a woman myself) I hate that saying BUT I do tend gravitate toward the male friendships effortlessly. Currently, I picked up a working and friendship with a guy co-worker we have mutual friends outside of work and he is married. So I notice EVERYTIME I hang out with him and others if HIS wife is not there she has the “other WIVES” there to report back to her about me. One time a “wife” even went to the extent of showing a picture of his wife saying “LOOK ISN’T SHE BEAUTIFUL THIS IS WHAT HE HAS TO GO HOME TO EVERYDAY!” while I wanted to say get that ugly picture out of my face and while you are worried about her man I should NEVER show you the texts I avoid from YOUR husband. That was one occasion and the most recent I hung out again and “THE WIVES” were there when I left the happy hour I guess I was topic of conversation so that when my co-worker’s wife did show up they convinced her I had something going on with her husband (not mentioning I had 5 othere guy friends there and barely spoke to my colleague) Now the wife is calling me and stalking my linkedin page. I TRULY feel if I was a mud duck I would not have this problem (especially since THE WIVES are NOT the most attractive and me being a new face instills fear…one women even checked her man for looking at me when I left) Oh brother sorry for the long wind…I found this site because this is one of many stories and I don’t even think I am a Halle Berry status type chick but I am realistic, humble, sincere and adventurous with life and never pretentious I also have mastered the fem/masculine trait and men say they adore this about me tough yet all women….Great article I hope I can get this wife off my back (especially since he is leaving our company within a week like BIATCH chill out and BE SECURE your living in a million dollar home living it up yet you are soooo INSECURE it is disgusting and I told myself I will no longer hang with married couples I do not know. I do NOT have to chase after anyone’s man or husband for validation I am very successful myself so I guess I don’t get it…Anyways I know this was written years ago I just had to vent …take care!

    • lee says:

      So the wife is the bad guy for feeling threatened that her husband– who must be a serious idiot for hanging out witha single woman– is having drinks with a single female coworker? Absolutely not! Where is the husband’s c9mmon sense– wait, what kind of man plays russian roulette with his marriage? No wonder he was sending you inappropriate texts! You should be the one to get this information to his wife. . You my dear are behaving wrong here. What is your pay off spending time with a married man? It is inherently wrong and dangerous–ie the manifestation of his inappropriate texting.. the wife had right instincts.. and yes, your last statement about not hanging out with married couples is the best thing you said.. a single female should have gaurd rails up not just for her own self respect, but for the respect and honor of hef married friends as well

    • Marie Dee says:

      Why are you hanging out with a married man in the first place? Sweetie no one’s jealous of you. You are out of order. There are plenty of single men to hang out with, why don’t you try that!

      I would be protective if my friend’s husband was hanging out with another woman too! No matter how she looked. Please don’t get so full of yourself that you can’t understand reality. How would you feel if a single woman hung out with your man???

  • Dora Alexander says:

    I am married to a wonderful man. His ex wife HATES me. I have been nothing but kind to her. Before we were married I allowed to come over for dinner and even stay the night when her and my husband 12 year old son was here. The ex wife is 6 feet tall and built like a man. She does have a nice face too. I on the other hand am 5’1 110 lbs blonde and very girly FEM. I gave her complements and made friends with her. She started bashing her ex husband. This went on for 2 weeks. She did not want us together. We were married and she has turned all of their children against their father and myself. She has made up the worst lies regarding my past, and she knows nothing about my past. I do not know what to do……except be happy with my husband. Sincerely Dora

  • Kat says:

    I am dealing with two wonderful creatures like this, ROOMATES, picture that .

    Today they went so far as provoking a fight just to try to ruin my day ! They are out of this world! They took the Lamp out of the hallway because there I went to look in the mirror !

    They are Passive Aggresive and they made this pact gang against me, lol ! And I answered in their OWN style, I been Passive Aggressive too, and kept my head HIGH !

    And the much better I do in my life, the more they hate me !

    They have no reason, I been polite and nice. But this is MY life, and these are just 2 frustrated Bimbos looking for attention..patethic

    I can`t wait to get out of there.

    Thanks for the Article.

  • Adele says:

    I experienced so much jealousy at my graduate program from women that I wanted to quit. They really hated me 🙁
    On top of that, some of the men there could not handle their attraction to me and sexually harassed me to the point of depression.
    I like who I am, I understand that I’m gentle and feminine by nature, but it seems easier for women who are more in touch with their masculine sides, at least in my field. I also think its tough to be black and feminine, because black women are expected to be strong and hard. I definitely still carry a lot of pain from my experience in graduate school and the jealousy, gossip, and hostility that followed me there.

    • Anona says:

      Hi Adele, I really relate to what you went through. I’ve been through similar things in many situations, including at university when living in the dorms and in some classes. My second undergrad degree was in the sciences, and I found this sort of thing, especially in the hard science (physics etc) labs. But I’ve found it in many other situations but especially in situations where it is expected for the person to be strong or more competitive. I’m very strong but because I’m sensitive and feminine and don’t try to act hard or masculine, but just be myself, women react with jealousy. And I also have had the situation of men harassing me because of it. I remember in particular going through that in the uni dorms and then getting into trouble with the unfeminine, hard female dorm director for finally reporting the harassment to her. A female friend saw the director’s vindictive reaction as being due to her jealousy of me, and I realized later that she was right (at the time I’d wanted to think well of people and hadn’t wanted to accept this).

      • Adele says:

        Thanks for replying Anona. On the one hand it is comforting to know that I’m not alone in my experience. I often would wonder if I was just…wrong. If something was just wrong with me and the way I conducted myself. I don’t think I will ever understand why femininty arouses such negativity amongst people. Like you, I studied the sciences….health and medical sciences. I guess it’s the nature of the field. Maybe if I had gone into fashion or the beauty industry, or blogging, or cooking, and so on…there would be less hostility. Competitiveness I’m sure, but perhaps less. Still, it sucks that you had to go through that. I feel like pain like that never really goes away. I still cry about what I experienced sometimes. I’m actually thinking of changing careers. I don’t want stress like that following me my whole life. I had an experiences like the one you described with classmates,,professors, co-workers. Even though I understand that it’s down to jealousy, sometimes I still wonder why some women get so insanely jealous of me.

        • Anona says:

          Hi Adele, I have two fields of university study, but this includes degrees (undergraduate and graduate) in the medical sciences like you. For me, although I found that the more stressful or competitive the situation, the more women tended to be jealous with me for not acting hard like them, this attitude can still be found in all kinds of situations. It’s up to you and what you feel you can handle, but I really think you shouldn’t quit. You said you are in your graduate program now. If it were me, my graduate studies mean so much to me, and they won’t last forever, I’d really make myself stick it out. You’ll be glad in the end that you did. Well that’s how I’d approach it anyway. Also, I do think you can find this sort of thing in all kinds of situations.

          It also seems to happen more if the person is more sensitive, but increased sensitivity is due to increased intelligence, which means that you have more potential with your studies than they do, which is why they are jealous. I saw a quote once that, “Those who can, do. Those who can’t, bully.” If you do a search on this quote you’ll also find a website that deals with this sort of thing. People bully when they feel weak and inadequate or lacking in something that they perceive the target is more talented in and stronger at dealing with. They then bully to hide their inadequacies and weaknesses which they project onto the target. They do this either consciously or unconsciously, or a combination of both, depending on how honest with themselves and good at thinking and self-analysis they are.

          Sensitivity and femininity are positive qualities. It is not you at fault but them, but bullies always try to make it look like via projection that the target is the one lacking. I always remind myself of this whenever I feel I’m in such a situation.

          As for the guys, they seem pretty immature, but in addition it seems you are the only one embodying the qualities they would like to see in women which the other women lack. But it also seems that they think of women as only objects and not people deserving of the same respect as all human beings.

          About feeling as though something were wrong with you, I went through this also from junior high until I finally figured out these things. You are just internalizing what those around you are projecting. They are doing it since they are insecure and think of you as having something they lack. So when you really realize that, you can be confident in yourself and stronger at dealing with their jealousy. Don’t let their jealousy make you give up your career goals, especially since you are more talented than they are!

          Personally, for me anyway, I see much more of such bullying behavior in anglo North American than anywhere else. But of course this is where women are taught that to be respected and equal with men, they must act like men. Any women who doesn’t want to act this way, regardless of how equal she feels with men, is treated with such jealousy. I’ve found it in other countries too, but usually in relation to how heavily those cultures are influenced by American thinking. I have found jealousy from women also when living in the cultures where men are more dominant (traditional cultures), but then it is more a competition for men’s favour, and I didn’t feel put down by women for being feminine since female femininity was the norm there. I think I know what you mean about black cultures though. One Kenyan woman in the UAE told me once that women there think they have to be aggressive and tough as self protection because of how men there treat women. I don’t see why they’d be that way with other women in that case though; women should be sticking together as a sisterhood in that situation.

          So when you think about it, whenever women are vicious with other women, it’s always somehow related to men: either women acting like men when trying to be respected equally with men, or women competing with other men for men’s attention. Women need to stop letting men set the pace for how they will see themselves, and how they will treat other women.

          It seems to me that people who are gentle and sensitive are more mature than these others, who are behaving like children in the playground throwing temper tantrums. Just believe in yourself and see this behavior for the immaturity and insecurity that it is.

          • Anona says:

            Oops a mistake: I meant “women competing with other WOMEN for men’s attention”…(second last paragraph! )

            • Anona says:

              OH, one more thing, Adele: A professor of Medicine (and department head) at my university told me once that he himself is sensitive, that sensitivity is a talent, and that the people best suited to the study of Medicine and the medical sciences are those who are sensitive (NOT those who are insensitive). In my opinion, if you can try your best to ignore these immature female jerks, then you are in the right field, much more than they are!

              • Adele says:

                Thank you Anona, what you’ve written is very helpful. You’re a very wise woman. What you’ve explained about why people bully is something I will hold on to, especially when the going gets tough. 🙂

  • Anona says:

    Hi Anna, thank you so much for your comments. I’m happy to see that I’m not the only one who has felt that way in North America. I’m not happy that others have experience what I’ve experienced! But only glad that I’m not the only one who feels that way about it. Maybe over time we can become braver about being ourselves when we are there and can feel more empowered.

  • Anona says:

    Hi again Sayo, it’s hard to reply directly to your email since I can’t find the function to reply. Yes, I know what you mean about that. I’ve found that too. In North American society people esxpect everyone to be aggressive and forceful and if they are not they consider them “shy” or “weak” even if they are not that way but simply polite or not into going around proving themselves. This actually makes me lose confidence; I find that overseas I have much more confidence than I do at the times I’m back in North America. However, it is true that if I do show them my confidence, they sometimes might say that I’m too full of myself even though I don’t feel that way at all. Also, another thing is that now that I’ve been living 10 years overseas, and currently live partly overseas each year (go back and forth), if I mention to them any of my overseas experiences, which is totally normal for me since most of my life now is overseas and most experiences I have are those happening overseas, they then get upset about that. Someone actually suggested to me, and I believe this, that since anglo North American society is very competitive, its members are eager to push others down to prove themselves, but if anyone has something to offer which is greater than they have (such as true inner confidence and not pretence, or international travels or living abroad for extended periods, this is too much for them so they have to get in and be competitive about that, rather than just relaxing and sharing ideas). I don’t find that everyone is that way, but many of them. They seem a bit small minded, the ones who are that way. I know this is a bit off topic since it is not totally about being feminine, but being feminine comes into it as well. It is a bit too much for them to see that someone is not trying to prove themslev but still has something to offer naturally as part of themselves which the locals see as being more than they feel they have. And of course femininity is part of this as well. It is also something we might have in a natural way which they feel they lack. When in North America, I just have to make friends who are more like me. But there are not so many of them there. Or just try to spend time overseas.

    • Anna says:

      Hi Anona,
      I hád to reply because I liked very much your comment. I have that same feeling while living in North America – that forceful competitiveness – and that is why I never felt that I fit in. It was slowly sucking my soul.
      I don’t want to be someone I’m not. I don’t want to play the North American loud obnoxious douche game with the masks anymore.
      I just wanted to say that I agree with you & thank you for your comment. I miss my time abroad.

    • Elle says:

      Hello group Anona, I’m amazed at how I can relate so much to this article and to what a lot of the women of said here. I too have lived overseas for a couple years and every summer for the last five years, and I’m amazed at how much more I can relate to men and women in other countries rather than my own country the US… I heard some fantastic advice from a woman at my church last night, she said “don’t minimize or shrink yourself to make other people in the room feel better about what they’re lacking in”… This is how I feel when I’m being judged or someone seems jealous, I feel as if my personality implodes and I want to hide, even if it’s only a few people in the room out of the hundred, I can feel the glare and the judgment…. It helps me a lot to know that God’s view of me is loving kind compassionate and encouraging, and some negative women’s views of me are very small and very unimportant this keeps my perspective 🙂

      • Anona says:

        Hi, Anona, I really like your comment here. I’m also a Christian and spiritual person and although I totally respect women who are not and I know that many of them are also feminine, I think for me that being spiritual is also part of my being comfortable in my femininity. Also, I really like how your friend at church put it. That was a very good way of wording it; I’d not thought of that! That we should not minimize ourselves to make others feel better about themselves. But it is totally true that those who seek to dominate and bully others and to make them feel bad about qualities in themselves do so since they themselves feel they are lacking in those qualities and don’t know how to go about developing that part of themselves. I remember my mother saying when I was being bullied in junior high in North America (I may have mentioned this before) that the other girls are doing this (and it was mostly girls doing this) that they feel insecure since they see something in you which they may have once had in themselves but lost. At the time, I’d lost so much confidence from the situation, and I was so much less experienced in such things that I didn’t believe her, but I later realized that she was right, and I’ve even read psychological studies about such bullying which shows that this is right. Like you though, even though I know these things consciously, I feel myself in such situations trying to hide and minimize myself and I have to remind myself that this is just a reaction and that I am not the one in the wrong but that in fact the person doing the behaviour is insecure around me. Even if you can’t think of how to react at the time, at least remind yourself of this fact and it will make you stronger. And it will also help you think of ways to react to the situation or stand up for yourself, or protect yourself, even if it means by removing yourself from that situation. And like you, I’m also very sensitive and very aware even if a very minimum of people in a group are hostile towards me. But being sensitive is also a gift; it means that you are perceptive, and again it means that you are very much in touch with your feminine side. It can be a talent too which can be used in many ways.

        All the best and I’m so glad we can encourage each other here!

      • Anona says:

        Oops I should have said, Hi, Elle!

  • Anonia says:

    Hi Sayo, I hope you get my message. Thanks for your comment! No, I’m actually not Asian but I’m Western, half British. I often did make Asian friends though when growing up in North America and still make more Asian and Middle Eastern friends when I’m there since I didn’t fit into the anglo North American culture for that reason. I now live partly abroad. I’m not North American but I’m from another English Western culture. British culture (and other West European cultures) are more traditional so many of us are more feminine than anglo North American women, I’d say most of us. And many of us are a bit quieter or more polite and I was raised to be that way in my family’s home, and not to show too many emotions, to be more reserved, etc. I also wore more feminine clothes. Growing up this way meant that these things just became part of me, plus the fact that I’m more sensitive anyway. Yes, I felt much better reading this article and other women’s experiences here. And nice to hear from you as well! I’ve felt much better about myself from reading this and much more empowered. But living abroad has also really helped. I a\lways knew I was growing up in the wrong culture.

  • Gloria says:

    I am a little bit confused because I think I am masculine in that I don’t mind taking charge and I tend to like a softer and more laid back man because I think they are adorable. I really respect and admire very feminine women too but I haven’t embraced this in myself and I’m not always able to bring that side out.

    I don’t think I am butch or mean to feminine women though 🙁

    I want to embrace this side of myself because it feels more relaxing and I would like to connect with others on a deeper level.

    The thing is things don’t really progress with the feminine guys that I like. I do get dates with more masculine guys but they either don’t call back or I’m not attracted to them.

    Is it okay to be a bit masculine? At the same time, I am stressed and a worrier so maybe I should fully embrace the feminine thing.

    • Korir says:

      Iam fine, lam bubua

    • Elle says:

      Hi Gloria, I think it’s great that you want to find out more about the feminine side of you 🙂 perhaps you’re just looking for more balance, and just because your masculine in certain ways doesn’t mean you have anything against feminine women… it’s great to know that you are recognizing in yourself a desire to be more feminine I guess, I don’t think masculine women or all masculine women hate feminine women, you’re an example of that because you are here and you are friendly;)

  • Joyce says:

    i am 45 years old and I feel my whole life that I have been confident since as far back as four years old. I am not the most beautiful woman but I like how I look and I do get a lot of attention. I am tall and have strong shoulders, good size boobs, small waist, and hips as wide as my shoulders. I have a true hourglass figure and it came from God. I am all natural. I enjoy being fit so I work hard to stay fit. I wear some makeup but not a ton and in pictures it looks like I don’t wear any.

    My entire life since 5th grade, I have felt girls and then women just hating on me and when I was young I just assumed SO many didn’t like me and I didn’t know why. I’ve learned about the principles Renee stated in this blog and it’s amazing how women just HATE me and I don’t even think THEY KNOW WHY. It can be when I order food from a waitress or fast food place, or on the bus and I mind my own business, I smile, I hold doors, give up seats, i am kind, etc, but I FEEL this hatred from women.

    Now I don’t care. I live my life and I am myself.
    I do feel especially that American black women just hate my freaking guts beyond description.

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  • Mother Teresa says:

    First, men are visual. I think the biggest turnoffs is a cynical and masculine woman. A guy do not want to date a chick more masculine to him. Also, a man do not want to be around a negative chick, putting other women down and talking down to people, keep that conversation with your girlfriends. Intellect and social grace can open doors that beauty cannot.

  • Jane Smith says:

    I am a white woman who is canadian. I have been told I am very attractive I am tall, green-eyed and feminine. I have been through everything in my life and had a different path than most women my age. I am now 49. I never got to marry or have kids but I have experienced alot that others have now. I grew up middle class. I have lived in ottawa for 5 years and I got through living hell int this city. It is very multicultural now and competitive. I am a very friendly type of person and considerate and not really the jealous kind. I used to be this way in my 20s but I know better now. I have issues almost daily with nasty women and I will not be like them nor will I change who I am. They expect me to be like them but I am not and then they lose all their power and get even MORE angry. In particular I have issues with so me black women mainly african not the caribbean ones. Some of the moslem women try to upset me but it doesnt seem to be as harsh as these black women. I even met 2 women at work and thought they were friends and they turned on me a few times so I just dont bother with them anymore. ONe was jealous that I was given more attention by the boss and more duties. I even have problem with this 20 somethings who usually are minorities as the white ones I rarely have this issue. When I go to buy things in a drug store and they are at the cash they give me a mean look and try everythign they can to make things harsh for me, they dont want to give me a free bag, I ask about a sale item and they DONT KNOW, etc. So some of this is racism and some is jealousy. Maybe they think I am rich or had it esay well let me tell u I didnt. I may have had a great upbringing but I never found stable work all my life, I have 2 in my family with cancer now, I cant live in my birth city as there is no work, I had to live in rooms in ottawa for a few years as I could not find employment. I never got to marry or have kids because of constant layoffs and instable work……..so people should not judge u never know what others are going through….and lighten up!

  • Natayna says:

    Surely, you’re no stranger to emotion and emotionality, Anona. These traits are traditionally associated to an obtuse degree with “traditional femininity”. Do you mean to tell me that as a student; I presume, of an accredited institution of higher learning, you find this site and its core concepts ones based in hard logic and rationality? I see a lot of opinion, over-the-top emotion and sales techniques, but not very much logic. In any case, no time, indeed…but you took the time to reply to me with not one, but TWO lengthy posts earlier. Fascinating.

    I have never stereotyped “femininity” or attempted to pigeonhole it . You, and the site owner have, however. I’d appreciate if you would not allude to where I belong or do not belong. I am obviously here at the moment because I choose to be and I have the choice to do so. You are of course, free to disregard my reply and any future postings I make here, if any.

    Clever how you want to backpedal now and claim to promote a diverse acceptance of feminine traits when you all but lambasted “The West” and its women for being too masculine earlier, with several proxy examples and anecdotes to “back up” your postulations. Your words are still in black and white for you to review. You see me as being “aggressive” and I find that humorous, but it’s your opinion. If you can’t handle a respectful discussion and stand behind your own words without becoming bent out of shape and angry, then it speaks volumes of you, not me. You are free to project, of course. Everyone has their own style of discussion. I did express that I don’t appreciate the hostess and crew trying to own the term “femininity” and box all women (or people) in it, or outside of it, that do not fit her specific cult definitions of the word that this site approves of. Again, I can come to this site and be a respectful dissenter. No one has to agree with everything they read, see or hear. People can make a respectful objection and state their own opinions. That does take some degree of backbone and courage, however. I do understand such notions of personal and intellectual strength could be considered anti-_________ (feel free to fill in the blank) and thus abhorrent to some, and subsequently, unappealing. I totally get it, Anona. Some people are comfortable having their self-hood and identity issued to them by their culture or even a website, and then, others are capable of forging it themselves and standing brave despite the fallout. I have found that being true to myself has its own constant rewards. I need no external validation. I truly sought your conversation and answer to my question, not necessarily your agreement with me or your commiseration. I’m sorry that you felt offended by that. Offense was not my intent, and if I have offended you, I sincerely apologize.

    I’d like to remind you that there are several ways one can be aggressive and hostile to another. It does not have to be flat out and blatant. There is no need to be disingenuous; if you feel slighted by my words, just say so. No need to project. Frankly, the subject matter on this site is not serious enough to provoke an aggressive response out of me. Perhaps you confuse gravity with aggression. Your choice. I had an issue with this site putting down a wide variety of women (and men for that matter), so I voiced my opinion. I know that this female has to sell her products so nothing is going to change. I am aware that my humble protest is just that, humble, but I still made my voice heard. People can’t expect to make grand claims that harm the dignity and self-hood of other human beings and go unchallenged. That is the very essence of standing up for what you believe in against all odds…speaking up even when you are quite sure nothing will change.

    Back to the real world outside of this site…it appears the old paradigms and hard lines of Masculine vs. Feminine are growing more blurry day by day. Men are embracing their “feminine” traits more openly in many cultures and women are gaining more political and social power everyday in traditionally “male” arenas.

    As a woman; a mother, a sister and a wife…I wonder what else can I BE but “feminine” in the natural sense of the word as I have given birth and relate to men and only men sexually. No matter what I wear or what power tools my hands wield, or how many deer carcasses I gut…I will forever be a woman and my ovaries and uterus and hormones are those of a natural born woman. I am feminine by nature of being. It appears that you think women resent womanhood just because they may enjoy traditionally masculine activities, or possibly, find them necessary depending on her individual circumstances. I very much enjoy being female right down to having my monthly cycle. I just see humans (myself included), as more complex than these static definitions of the behavioral traits assigned to us arbitrarily based on what we have between our legs. I hope you would not belittle a man for crying or not knowing how to operate a bandsaw. I’d be glad to offer the crying man a shoulder and a hug, the the unskilled man some modest instruction on the use of the tool. Neither example makes him less of a man, or me, less of a woman. Do you get it? No need to get mad.

    • reena says:

      Hello sweets, I understand your pain when it comes to black women, but unfortunately its just we as a black race are competitive with one another. I’m a black woman and I have it rough also. We as black women just haven’t evolved yet in our femininity. So please don’t take it personal, they haven’t grown mentally love.

  • Anona says:

    Hi again, Natanya, you seem a little emotional about the entire thing and I wonder why. Also, if you don’t agree with our approach here you don’t need to visit the site. Sorry, I don’t have the time to read too much of your post since I’m in the middle of studying for some very serious exams. However, I’m glad about one thing: that you feel that you attempt to not stereotype others. That’s great, but maybe you can start with not stereotyping those who regard themselves as feminine, womanly, or whatever semantic construct you wish to apply to the concept. We are here since we have some commonality, regardless of whether or not we label the phenomenon.

    I don’t dislike the Western world: I’m Western. I was speaking only of anglo North America, which is a very small portion of the entire Western culture and its many nations. My own developed Western culture is much older than this one, but it is definitely Western. Not that that matters to me since I’ve lived in a wide variety of countries on every continent and don’t prefer any particular culture.

    What is more, you are still voicing the stereotype of “femininity” as meaning purchasing expensive clothing, assets and so on and flaunting it. Femininity means, according to the dictionary, “womanliness” and we see it only as an attitude or approach in which women are aware of and confident in their being innately women. We are all complex, and as I’d said, we all exhibit traits, to varying ratios, that are considered both traditionally masculine and feminine. I don’t call them either. We should just be happy to be ourselves and I’m glad that you are happy with yourself. Since I don’t criticize you for being yourself I trust that you will treat us with the same respect. Being open minded, as you claim to be, means you accept without criticism every sort of personality so long as it is not directly hurting you or others. Anyone who flaunts acquired traits is insecure about them or about him- or herself. That also goes for flaunting one’s ability to be aggressive.

    Anyway, it is a shame to post such emotionality as yours on this site. And I don’t have time for this since my exams are much more important so I won’t be replying again.

  • Natayna says:

    I guess it all boils down to those who desire to live in a box and those who do not…those who desire to put others in boxes, and those who choose to see the world as a big, BIG place with a lot of everything and every type of individual. Of course, not everyone is going to like pistachio ice cream. Not everyone is going to taste durian and like it the first time, or ever. I don’t look at women and judge them as being ‘this’ or ‘that’ any more than I look at men and assume such things. There are some tiny little girls on our soccer team that are just as aggressive as the guys, and it’s funny when others underestimate them. That usually ends up being bad for the opposing team who thinks that little center is a joke. No, she gots mad skills, son. Don’t let the size and plumbing fool you.

    I totally get that some folks like the whole “Masculine” and “Feminine” dichotomy and prefer for them to be completely separate. By the nature and being of us all, that seems illogical, as no man comes to be without a woman, and no woman comes to be without a man. We have each force within us. I can respect where you are coming from and you have the right to see the world as you do and be who you are. We all have that right.

    We all have the right to be who we are, and express ourselves without being cruelly judged by others as long as we aren’t hurting anyone else in the process. I prefer not to mock small and frail men and call them bad names or less than a man. Many of these small men have a lady beside him that loves him very much and thinks he is the perfect expression of a male. Then, there are women like me that may not fit your definition of “feminine” but our husbands/SO’s love us very much and see us as the perfect example of a woman. Why else would they be with us? My husband is not attracted to high maintenance women that spend a fortune on beauty items and clothing. He likes a practical and rational minded woman that enjoys the outdoors and being active alongside him. Every one wants something different in a mate…that alone is why I find much of the hostesses propaganda so damaging and obtuse. But like I said, I understand the woman has to make her money. If Ron Jeremy is allowed to make his paper, this lady should be allowed to make her hustle too. So, she gets no hate from me…but, I may not allow my daughter to view this site because she is just beginning to blossom into a young lady and I want HER to define herself and feel free to be who she is, not have her mind poisoned by someone else’s expectations and often unfair stereotypes. If someone told my daughter than she could not be a weight lifter (if she chose it) because she has a vagina and she should be wearing dressing and being a little coquette, I’d probably give them a piece of my mind (ooops, not lady-like again, these opinions of mine are supposed to be on mute).

    I’ve been here and there too, Anona, and from what I have seen, people are people. Most often, people are either assisted in their personal growth by their culture or stagnated in the less appealing aspects of it. We all are, even in the Evil West. Yes, there are things I dislike about the Western world too, namely, the little regard we have for those less fortunate than us in the world. But, I also hate with a passion how women are marginalized elsewhere in the world. But, we all do what we can and what more can we do. I choose not to stay fixated on the individuality of others in a negative way. Live and let live is a good way to tread in this life. I generally respect everyone until they cross me or (heaven help them) they threaten my child. Then, you can bet, there is no little dainty “lady” coming at you…it’s a mother lioness with her claws ready for battle.

    I have a question: Do you see every woman that deviates from your ‘ideal’ of womanhood or being female as bad? Just curious. Just so you know, some women don’t have the option of being wilting flowers. They are single mothers and/or strugglers in this mad crazy world. You see a power play between males and females…I see a savage society that really operates to the benefit of neither gender. In any case, with nearly 4 billion women on this planet, there is a lot of individuality, variety and “natural selves” among women. If anything, MEN have historically defined femininity and that seems to be the standard definition that folks like you and the hostess have taken and ran with and applied to yourselves and as an often unfair standard for all women. I get to define MY femininity in my own way, and so does my daughter. She has that right, as should all girls. Just like all men and boys should have the right to define their own masculinity in THEIR own way. Each gender should feel free to express their sub-traits as well…those traits historically not attributed to our birth gender (like men should not feel ‘less than manly’ for crying, and women should not be made to feel less ‘feminine’ because they know how to build a house or hunt deer). We are all humans worthy of respect as long as we aren’t harming anyone or anything. I don’t see what pigeonholing other human beings gets us. Define yourself, and let others do the same.

  • Anona says:

    Natayna, one more thing: I noticed after a few years of absence from North America that there seems to be a new trend in which many women are seeking to return to accepting themselves as being feminine, while being more balanced as well and still seeing themselves as strong, educated, able to fulfil themselves in their careers and so on. Women in other developed cultures are comfortable being this way, but I’m happy to see it returning also in anglo North America. This does not mean though that women are required to “pretend” to be feminine any more than this society requires many of them to “pretend” to be masculine. It is only that many women in this society are beginning to realize that they are much more powerful when being themselves and when feeling comfortable in their natural selves.

    I have always felt that the trend on this part of this continent towards women being aggressive and confrontational is not an attempt at true equality of the genders since it still gives to men the power (even though in this case it is the women who gave it to them and the latter did not ask for it) to set the pace and dictate what are personalities are to be like, indirectly as it were. Women are thus saying that the only way to be equal is to be like men; they are not attempting to attain equality while being themselves. I’m glad that they are finally realizing what other parts of the world are already aware of.

    This does not mean that any woman is required to change or once again imitate something she is not. If you are comfortable being the way that you are and feel balanced in this way, then that is great. However, there are many of us as women who feel more comfortable more truly embracing our own femininity and who feel more empowered this way and we are saying that we should be respected as such. I myself have many qualities as I have mentioned which many not seem traditionally feminine, yet I am considered very feminine and I feel this way myself, which is why I fit in better into traditional societies than into the anglo North American (aside from the Latin American).

    As well, just to mention, when in North America I deal with many international people, and many of them, both men and women, have commented to me that the local women there “seem like men” — they do not consider this to be an attractive trait, but a turnoff. I’ve heard similar comments too when living overseas. Again, though, I firmly believe that so long as no one is deliberately hurting another, one is free to be oneself. We are all different after all. But no women should be abused by the women of a certain society simply because she is naturally womanly. To me this is ridiculous. And what does it tell us when we find it laughable for a man to be abused by men for being masculine? It means, once again, that society’s women are giving men the power to set the pace for what is “normal”, and this cannot be so if we are to truly consider ourselves as equal with men.

  • Anona says:

    Natayna, I’m sure there are many reasons, in addition to a woman being more feminine, that spark other women’s jealousy and have done so for millennia. The bottom reason seems to be women’s subjugation by men throughout history and their being required to live their lives through their men or children, rather than for themselves. This has precipitated a habit of being jealous towards other women who appear to have what they perceive themselves as missing. I’ve been the target of jealousy for my femininity (which I perceived as being my sensitivity and gentility) together with my intelligence, ambition and education. Someone else will have other qualities that also make them a target for insecure people.

    Personally, I haven’t gone around seeing myself as being feminine, but I do realize that that is the main part of it. However, I am from another developed Western culture in which being kind, polite and unaggressive as a woman is strongly resented in the North American culture in which I unfortunately grew up (I’ve partially left it now though).

    Also, as we were saying, femininity does not involve someone putting on acts to be something she is not, or trying to act “girly” or wear “girly clothes”, makeup etc. I am slim, and I’m athletic like you in that I do regular weight training, very long distance regular cycling, long distance hiking and walking, and I also travel very extensively alone through many so-called difficult cultures and live in many of them for extended periods. I’m extremely healthy as well. Yet despite my approach to life and my strength, I still come across as being feminine although I am only being myself and do not put on any acts at all. I’m very artistic, so I do love feminine clothes, and I don’t buy any clothes back in North America (I only buy my clothing abroad these days since I live partly abroad) since I don’t like the plain women’s fashions on this continent. This is not part of any act; it’s just how I like to dress. I also felt happy to have moved back to a part of the world where I can be myself.

    As we have been saying, femininity is not an act and it is not flouncing around showing off one’s curves, if one has them, or plastering on makeup and wearing frills. No matter what I wear I still come across as being feminine from my demeanour and I’m happy to be this way. I resent North American women (not men, incidentally) who have tried to pressure me into being “aggressive” or dressing “more casually”, and I simply ignore them or tell them that this is not my culture and I have no interest in adopting such approaches. Sorry to anyone who is from this culture though and does not feel this way; in this case I’m just generalizing and this is a product of what I went through growing up here.

    I’m interested though in the many women who have been through what I’ve been through, and in being able to relate to what they are saying.

  • Natayna says:

    I don’t get why you have to be “feminine” for a female to hate on you. I am prior military (11 years Army), very active, athletic, thin and fit. I’m always playing co-ed sports like soccer and volleyball throughout the year. I like to wear the occasional dress, but to be honest, it’s not really me. I’m more of a shorts and tank top or skinny jeans and fitted tee type of gal, and that’s fine. No one here or elsewhere has to co-sign because I like myself just fine. Now, that said…I have a slew of haters. The wives/gf’s of the men on the teams I play for pretty much all hate me. I’m good at sports, so I have a lot of respect from my teammates, but you should see the nasty glares I get from the women in my neighborhood when I am out jogging or walking, or even taking my kid to the bus stop. Meanwhile, their man is checking me out. I actually find it amusing and sad mixed together. They too, can have a nice ass if they work for it. They too, can be fit if they work out and stay dedicated. They too, can be trim and at a sensible weight if they stop eating garbage.

    And, a lot of these women are “feminine” with their little curves and long hair to their bums and fancy fabrics and what not…hating on little ole tomboy me with the B cup boobs and legs that could run for days (with muscles to vouch for it). So, I honestly think this is just a sour grapes thing with *some* women because *some* women just love to be bitter and hate on the next woman for whatever reason. A lot of the time, it’s because she wants something the other woman has, or that she perceives her as having. I have a good husband too, and he holds my hand when we walk together and many of these so called “feminine” priss boxes are out with their men and you can sense the tension between them and lack or feeling there. I thought dresses and lip gloss was supposed to fix everything? No? This is exactly why I keep it moving.

    Women are a trip, the author/hostess here included. She’s just hustling her products and I’m not knocking her hustle, but I am rather sick to death of the notion that *ALL* women have to fit in some little box of what is deemed “feminine” to be considered a real woman. Hello…if you have a vagina, ovaries and female hormonal wiring, you ARE a real woman. Feel free to be who YOU are. I have always been a tomboy, and I have never hurt for male affections and attention. I have always had male admirers and men trying to flirt and get in my good graces. I’ve nothing against lesbians, but I am not one just because I prefer jeans/shorts to dresses most days. I also don’t waste my life hating other women. I’m too busy out here getting mine and living MY life.

  • sarah polyakov says:

    Hello Anona,
    Completely agree with everything you said about femininity. Have also noticed that your experience in junior high and beyond tends to be common for women who live their feminine energy. And yes, feminine energy is strong– not weak at all. My apologies if that was the impression from my post. On a side note, I have often wondered if women were historically repressed because of the sheer strength of undiluted feminine energy. When a woman is living her energy to its fullest extent she is like a bright, vibrant light shining through the darkness. Though this energy shouldn’t be threatening, it can be when people misunderstand it. Layer on that the fact that women have the ability to hold life in their bodies and feed another life from their bodies, this becomes a potent source of power. It’s interesting because in the past, feminine energy was bound by various anachronistic practices such as laws that dictated that a wife was owned by her husband, by feet binding, by the bridescold, by the chastity belt, by the illegality of owning property, illiteracy, and by many other dictates. Today we are free of those specific anachronisms, however, it has been my observation that more subtle things have replaced them. Today we see that feminine energy is dulled or obliterated by the need to compete alongside men for wages, by some of the dictates of 2nd wave feminism, and in Africa, by blatant dehumization through genital mutilation. In fact, if anyone is interested in reading a very controversial book about all of this, I would encourage you to purchase a book called “Vagina” by the well known social critic Naomi Wolfe. Read it a couple of months ago and I have a changed worldview. (And no, the book is not pornographic or inappropriate in any way whatsoever, despite its title. Ms. Wolfe occasionally comes up with inflammatory titles to get her point across– and she is an incredibly savvy, thoughtful and articulate woman!) She also wrote a book in the 1990s called The Beauty Myth that was my salvation during my late teens.

  • sarah polyakov says:

    Hello Leona,
    When women dress in the tight clothing and have the intention of tempting the husbands of others, that is certainly not femininity. At best, that is a form of insecurity and at worst, it is something that can cause discontent in men when they have a constant smorgasbord of eye candy. On the other hand, men always look. However, it doesn’t mean they will cheat and it doesn’t have to cause discontent. That is more of a risk when a marriage is already on shaky ground. From what I understand, if a man is happy in his relationship, he might glance but won’t think any more about it. Still as a married woman I admit that when women intentionally flaunt themselves when I am out with my husband, this causes me discomfort. My husband has mentioned before that he doesn’t respect women who present themselves this way. He admits that while he looks if such a woman crosses his field of vision, that he also feels uncomfortable because he doesn’t want to have to picture a total stranger in a semi intimidate context. When my husband and I dated, one of the things that he said he appreciated was that I dressed very feminine and classy without looking cheap. He had said that prior to meeting me, that it didn’t matter how beautiful a woman was if she dressed in revealing clothing. He would not pursue or even have a date with women if they dressed in really inappropriate clothing. As he said when we dated, the woman he married would also represent him and his choices as well as be a mother. Therefore, women who dressed as if they were up for a one night stand automatically disqualified themselves. However, what does one do when women are dressing in provocative ways and they are a temptation? That has more to do with the quality of your relationship as well as the type of man you are paired with. If he is a man who is prone to cheating, then the man will find a way to cheat regardless of how beautiful and wonderful his wife is. I have witnessed this time and again. On the other hand, if you have a husband who believes in monogamy and who you have developed a great relationship with, then the chances of him being effected by other women is low. The thing that bothers me much more than women wearing provocative clothes are these women who, no matter how pretty or Un – pretty they are, think that having an affair with a married man is some kind of ideal experience. They seem to treat it as a game just to see if they can get a guy to cheat. While it takes 2 to tango and while it is the man’s fault too, I say shame on the women who do this intentionally. After all, if all of the women in this world refused to date men who are married, engaged, or who have a girlfriend, then there would be a lot less affairs. And for anyone out there who thinks taken men are fair game, always remember the law of Karma. The crap that you do today will eventually come back to you.

  • Anona says:

    Leona seems to be quite missing the point. What we were saying was that femininity has nothing to do with strutting around showing off our body parts, plastering on makeup, or doing some other thing to augment our womanly appearance, but that it is something innate to us as woman and which comes naturally from within regardless of what we do on the outside. When I was bullied in junior high in North America for being feminine, the other girls in my class were plastering on makeup and running after guys. They were also more curvy than me (I was very slim and still am), and was only minding my own business, living my life, being polite and kind to others, and focussing on my studies and achieving high grades. yet I came across as being much more feminine than my classmates which is why I was abused by some of them. As an adult, I’ve never gone after men (I’ve treated them as friends only, and am too shy even to go after a guy I’m interested in but only let him know indirectly and leave the response up to him), and I wear very little makeup and am modest (while still wearing feminine clothes, not to please men but since I like them) yet I always have many men after me which can even be annoying when I’m not interested since I already have a boyfriend. And even though I make it my point to treat these men like friends, I still have them going after me and still am a recipient of female jealousy (even though I make it clear to everyone that I’m not after their men).

    I do agree with Sarah’s intelligent comments except for one thing (but this could be her use of semantics): Femininity is not weakness at all. It is only, as you had said, being oneself as a woman and being aware of and happy with or comfortable with one’s inner female energy. I feel it involves strength more than weakness since especially in North American society, being ones feminine self means that one is up against a great deal of aggression and peer pressure from other women, so if one can ignore this and continue as one’s natural feminine self since this is more comfortable for us, then one is in fact stronger than those who give in to social mores.

    I’m very happy once again to see this article and many of the responses. The combination is very empowering.

    • sarah polyakov says:

      Hello Anona,
      Completely agree with everything you said about femininity. Have also noticed that your experience in junior high and beyond tends to be common for women who live their feminine energy. And yes, feminine energy is strong– not weak at all. My apologies if that was the impression from my post. On a side note, I have often wondered if women were historically repressed because of the sheer strength of undiluted feminine energy. When a woman is living her energy to its fullest extent she is like a bright, vibrant light shining through the darkness. Though this energy shouldn’t be threatening, it can be when people misunderstand it. Layer on that the fact that women have the ability to hold life in their bodies and feed another life from their bodies, this becomes a potent source of power. It’s interesting because in the past, feminine energy was bound by various anachronistic practices such as laws that dictated that a wife was owned by her husband, by feet binding, by the bridescold, by the chastity belt, by the illegality of owning property, illiteracy, and by many other dictates. Today we are free of those specific anachronisms, however, it has been my observation that more subtle things have replaced them. Today we see that feminine energy is dulled or obliterated by the need to compete alongside men for wages, by some of the dictates of 2nd wave feminism, and in Africa, by blatant dehumization through genital mutilation. In fact, if anyone is interested in reading a very controversial book about all of this, I would encourage you to purchase a book called “Vagina” by the well known social critic Naomi Wolfe. Read it a couple of months ago and I have a changed worldview. (And no, the book is not pornographic or inappropriate in any way whatsoever, despite its title. Ms. Wolfe occasionally comes up with inflammatory titles to get her point across– and she is an incredibly savvy, thoughtful and articulate woman!) She also wrote a book in the 1990s called The Beauty Myth that was my salvation during my late teens.

  • leona says:

    Most women always assume it’s jealousy when it’s not. What ticks me off about a lot of women is that they don’t care about DISRESPECTING other women. Women need to watch how they dress and carry themselves. You don’t see men parading men who are wearing tight spandex with their penis laying on the side of their leg, or muscle shirts exposing their six packs and muscles around their woman. Men don’t do that because it’s inappropriate and can be too much temptation for his woman. Men respect each other not to do that. Women on the other hand wear revealing clothes or clothes that are way too tight. Other women’s husbands and men are out here. If they want to wear that type of stuff, they should wear it around their men, and if they don’t have a man, maybe that’s why. All these women are doing is presenting a lot of temptation for men to go astray or have thoughts they should not be having. With me, it’s about RESPECT…..it’s far from jealousy.

    • SweetTruth says:

      Um… except it’s up to a man not to look, and have respect for his relationship. Men aren’t stupid, they can think without their sex organs thank you very much. Maybe you just choose men with little self control?

    • SweetTruth says:

      And also, a lot of women aren’t dressing to seduce. They dress how they want to dress for themselves, and for specific men. It’s not their fault that other men leer and can’t understand that they aren’t dressing for all men everywhere. Just as it’s not their fault that self-conscious women dislike them for ‘tempting their men’, in their words…

  • Sarah says:

    Wow, Renee, what a great article. You are always so insightful and able to convey your insight in a way that is valuable to others. On the other hand, what a hurtful experience to go through. Brava, Bellissima, for confronting the woman face-to-face when she was intentionally trying to harm you in many ways. On a personal note, I am glad to read about a woman who has been through the same things I have gone through when working in the professional world. Before I became a psychologist, I worked in the field of information technology in a corporate office for many years. Was usually surrounded by women because we were a team who did business-type work and not software development. I have so many terrible stories about things jealous women did to me or things those same women did to my female friends. I never understood why those things happened because I am the first person to try to make friends, t try to build up the confidence of women around me, and to be sincere. Now that I have been reading your website for a while, I understand. I am and always have been too feminine, both in my behavior and in my way of dressing. Yet, I still have that strong and grounded side that I call upon when needed. Regardless, being feminine is my baseline and I see now how that must have threatened women who were prone to jealousy. Also, when I think of my other female friends from work who were also treated terribly and undermined by these jealous girls, my friends are also feminine women. Finally, let me clarify what femininity means: femininity is NOT a walking and talking pair of false eyelashes, breast implants, spray tans, and Jimmy Choo shoes. Femininity is the embodied energy that includes compassion, sincerity, selflessness, altruism, kindness, and nurtruance. This kind of energy creates what I refer to a true feminine beauty. This is not a beauty that can be purchased or created surgically. After all, if we defined feminine beauty only as things like breast implants, spray tans, long hair, etc, then transgender males could embody feminine beauty as much as anyone else. (Now, I am not making fun of transgender men. I support their right to live in the skin in which they are most comfortable. After all, the thing that each of us wants is to feel loved and to feel good about ourselves. This is the method through which they have chosen to attain these things). But, back to us women… Feminine beauty is something that must eminate within and it all comes down to building up those feminine qualities and creating and embracing our unique feminine energy. Because feminism has asked women to cast off feminine energy and take on masculine energy, when a woman who is emanating this feminine energy enters the room, she is bound to ruffle feathers. Whether she knows it or not, she is also giving off incredibly powerful energy because she is living her very essence and being-ness. So given that women have been raised to cast off the feminine, many women see this and don’t even know what they are jealous of. Women think that they are jealous because the feminine woman effortlessly leaves an invisible honey trail in her path that has all men following her. She isn’t doing this to get more men, she is just being herself and this is the effect such energy has. But, what I think women are really jealous about is not the male admirers such a woman garners. In fact, if we look deeper, I don’t think what they are feeling is jealousy, even though that is what it appears to be. I think what they are feeling is a profound discomfort based on the fact that they have lost the very essence of themselves since they have suppressed their femininity. It’s really an unfortunate situation for everyone, especially women who don’t even realize what is missing.

  • jas says:

    Thank you Renee it is a good article. I haven’t had an extreme example like you discuss in the article happen in a long while, though I would say there are women who have venom and that venom comes out sometime. Whenever possible I just don’t invite those women into my life in any way shape or form. There are so many wonderful women who are kind and good, that surrounding myself with quality women is an intention I hold and live. Sometimes when I do encounter the venom from other women, I stop, try to listen deeply and compassionately to them. I look them in the eye, I breathe deeply, I stay present, and I allow them to be with the energy they have yet not need to take it in.

  • simon says:

    I am very well off and the women in my street sneer at me and make all sorts of ridiculous stuff up about me , as I used to do music properly, according to them I am blaring music out all day and night when even other people in my house at the same time can hardly hear it in the next room. I buy a car they cannot begin to ever afford and they make stuff about that and even try and block my garage in and hammer on the garage door if I am in it and they know I am. Most of my other halves have looked like models or been very successful which they hate. For some reason some of them seem to think they are really attractive and totter about in tarty cheap clothes in front of me 🙁 when they are far from attractive which is being very polite and look absolutley ridiculous. Some of even lie claiming they are married when they are not to get jobs and are very light fingered to say the least and can get very aggressive. My friend’s describe them as animals. They even borrow stuff to try and make out they can keep up with me its got that pathetic and this is in a more affluent area with many of them even pretending they own the houses but in reality they rent them out. Glad I am single that’s all I can say.

  • camilla says:

    Many of my so-called “friends” turned out to be jealous, and spread vicious gossip to so many other people, managing to turn some people against me. One girl was my best friend and I found out that that she hated me and was jealous of me for years. I had another best friend disappear on me as soon as I got a wonderful adoring boyfriend. It’s so depressing sometimes and I have shed many tears over this. When I was younger in my teens and early 20s, I really internalized the hate that I encountered, thinking I was less than somehow. I had low self esteem for years and made some bad choices with men during this time. I became desperate for acceptance and love, though I’ve learned to give myself that love and acceptance. My mother rarely praised me or told me I was beautiful. I had no idea that the issues I faced were due to jealousy, because my own mother acted more like a frenemy than a mom. Now that I’ve come to love myself, the jealousy has actually gotten worse. Some people have been quick to point out my flaws and mistakes, reminding me that I should feel bad about myself. Even my father has done this. One friend who recently married was perplexed by my choice to be happy, and took it upon herself to remind me of my unmarried status on various occasions. I had to learn not to take these things personally, or risk going insane from all these attacks.

    • Anonia says:

      Many things you said reminded me of myself so much that I wondered at first if I had posted the comment and forgotten about it! I also had two best girlfriends (one childhoold one and then a later one) reveal to me later on that they were jealous. Although my mother has not been as extreme as yours, she has also shown signs of jealousy. And the two worst experiences of my life were in fact caused by women who were not feminine themselves. I never liked to think that anyone was jealous of me, but I’ve come to realize this over time. Not to mention that the bullying I had had in junior high was mostly from female classmates. And when I look back, I realize I was probably the most attractive girl in the class, but I was also maybe the most feminine one. I have later experienced bullying here and there in other situations, and it has been almost 100% from women.

      This article is very empowering and I really appreciate the author for writing it. I’ve been thinking of it a lot in the past while since I first read it. I’d spent years trying to figure out why some women treated me the way that they did, and trying to find the common denominator. I did figure out a while back from another website that it was from low self esteem on the part of the people doing it, but I still felt I was missing a piece of the puzzle. Now I see much more clearly what has been going on. Like you, I also especially after the bullying in junior high went through a period of thinking there was something terribly off turning about me, even though my mother tried to tell me that the girls who did this at school were jealous of me for having something in my demeanor that they lacked or had lost. They seemed to hate me so much that I just couldn’t accept this since it seemed more that I had some very negative quality, even though I was always good at school, nice to people and attractive (without completely realizing it, since they made me feel I wasn’t). Now I realize how right she was. What she was trying to say was that they were jealous of my femininity.

      As I’d said, this is more of an anglo North American thing. I’m British, and in Old World cultures (and some other New World) it is much more acceptable for women to be feminine, polite, gentile and so on. But not here; here we are supposed to be like men. well some of us just aren’t and don’t want to lose what we have either. I don’t just mean that femininity is more acceptable in developing cultures. It is also more acceptable in other developed cultures including most other Western cultures.

      I remember in junior high having very long hair that I’d never cut, and doing different styles with it, using ribbons to decorate it, and wearing feminine clothes and often wearing dresses. This got to my classmates so much and they made me feel that I looked ugly and terrible. For a long time after that, I was nervous to style my hair or wear skirts, but finally I decided I would do as I pleased, especially after living abroad in old style cultures. I no longer even buy clothing here since I find it much less feminine and a bit boring; I just buy it overseas.

      A friend told me recently here that women who are feminine are a turnoff since they are always going after men, sleeping around and plastering on makeup. Strangely enough, she knows that I seldom wear makeup and that I’m conservative with my relationships and don’t want to sleep with anyone until marriage. Femininity means natural femininity which is even unconscious. I’ve never tried to be feminine, it is just part of me. I seldom wear makeup since I want to keep my skin healthy, but I do take a lot of care of myself and make myself look attractive. For that reason I look much younger than I am. I also don’t go sleeping around with men. Yet e3ven though I am unconsciously feminine, and do not go after men at all but treat them as friends, they always go after me to the point that it can even become annoying. So obviously, I’m on the right track! Even though none of my behaviour at all is done to attract men but only for myself.

      Oh, and I remember having a bad time growing up because of my long hair, even though it was always so beautiful. So because of the pressure, I finally had it cut shoulder length. that upset me so much. I’d try to grow it many times but would be pressured to trim it and so that would totally slow down the process. Finally, recently, I decided to do what I wanted about it, and now it is down to my hips again. I’ve noticed men have never told me to cut my hair, it has always been women, so of course it is jealousy! Strangely enough, recently, after having grown my hair really long again, one woman I met with a very aggressive personality tried to harshly tell me that I needed to cut it, so I just ignored her since by now I know what is going on with people when they do this. However, everyone else has told me it looks beautiful, and I know what it looks like, I’m not blind!

      Anyway, I really appreciate again this article, and it is nice to see there are many other women who feel the same way.

    • Anonia says:

      I wanted to add, one of the two worst experiences of my life involved a very non feminine (and not very popular either, or “nice”) supervisor turning most of my friends and acquaintances against me in a place. At first many of them spoke up for me, but she lashed out a second time and they were too afraid to speak up then. At that time, interestingly, most of my friends in that place were in fact men, so that probably got to her as well. I was younger then so the experience had a big effect on my confidence for a while. Finally, it was a close guy friend who helped me get over the experience. Interesting.

      I’ve found that when I’ve been in situations where I can’t make friends easily with the women due to spite and jealousy, I’ve just made guy friends instead. Of course, one problem with that for feminine women is that if one is feminine and doesn’t go after the men around them but treats them casually as friends, sooner or later most of them will start to develop interest, and if one is not interested in most of them oneself, this also leads to problems, but at least it is not problems with jealousy!

    • marymare says:

      Exactly! Rememeber if someone has a problem with you, it’s THEIR problem, not yours. Go about being your naturally beautiful self.

    • marymare says:

      Exactly! Remember if someone has a problem with you, it’s THEIR problem, not yours. Go about being your naturally beautiful self.

    • Sayo says:

      Totally feel you right now. Im trying to be more confident….. but know that if I do that, people will only tell me I’m full of myself.

    • Jessie says:

      Wow. Sounds so much like me. It’s a lonely place to be. I’ve always cared so much about the women that have turned around and stabbed me in the back. (Including the mom part.)
      I really appreciate this article because there isn’t a lot of information on this phenomenon and I couldn’t imagine that I was alone in it. Problem is, that when you try to explain it to anyone, a shoulder to lean on, people think you are full of yourself. But it’s not true!
      Anyway, I do get told I’m beautiful but I can tell you I’m no super model. I’m mixed with several different racial backgrounds, try to keep myself up and exercise. I’m mostly concentrating on career stuff the bulk of the time. Super focused. I have stopped trying to figure out what I look like. All I know is that hardly none of the women in my neighborhood will look at me or say hello, even when I’ve smiled. I get glared at all the time while I’m driving, shopping, walking. And stared at like a piece of meat by men, a lot. Its violating.
      I’m freelance so it’s hard to meet like minded women through work. I’m currently volunteering but have yet to meet anyone. Once I have a little bit more time, I’m going to join some groups for hobbies I enjoy and try again.
      I miss having female friends. So so lonely.
      🙁

  • unfairly accused says:

    8 years ago a lady in our church walked out on her husband, leaving him with nothing more than the cloths on his back. My husband & I offered him a room in our house until he could get back on his feet. His wife immediately started spreading a rumor that I was sexualy invalved with her husband. The whole church was buzzing with this fresh gossip. I thought in time it would slow down, & fade away. He is very comfortable living with my husband & me, & has roomed & board off of us now for 8 years. We have been very grateful to have his finance support, since we were finding it hard to make ends meet. However now 8 years later I have learned that this vicious lie is still circulating around the church.

  • help with bailiffs says:

    What’s up, for all time i used to check blog posts here in the early hours in the break of day, as i love to find out more and more.

  • Ms. hummingbird says:

    to anonia

    i am from a developing country in true sense. what i can say from my experiance that i have endured all those type of trauma & anguish for these lowly insecure creature (do’nt want to address them as human) & its still ongoing. so don’t assume that is limited to developed world. i am experiencing it from childhood & still fighting. goodness is always to be established .history proved it recurrently. now i am 24.

    • Anonia says:

      Hi, Hummingbird, I don’t mean developing countries only. What I had said was that femininity is much more looked down on for women in anglo North America than anywhere else I’ve been in the world (50 countries on every continent; lived in 15 of them and most were developing). Naturally, there are problems with jealousy everywhere and particularly the jealousy of women for other women, for various reasons. But the pressure that women put on other women to give up their femininity is the greatest ever in anglo North America. I’m from two other Western developed countries and have not seen that problem there, at least not to such an extreme degree. And I’ve also not seen it in any of the developing countries I’ve lived or travelled in. There are also forums just focussing on this issue. I don’t live here full time any more. IN some developing countries, I have seen women vie with others and become quite spiteful but it is more for other reasons, such as competing over men, or jealousy since one’s background is freer than theirs. I’m sure you can think of other reasons as well. But I’ve not heard of anyone pressuring anyone there to give up their femininity or to act like men! Quite the opposite: in many of these cultures it is considered quite shameful for women to go around acting or looking like men.

      I don’t particularly like North America and never have, even though I grew up here, and this is one of the main reasons. I’d rather live where I can be myself. We had never intende3d to move here and it was unfortunate that we got stuck here for a while but luckily I’m in the process of moving out (which is why I left here for 10 years).

  • Star says:

    I agree and understand Lpwomen. I have the same issue and broke away from her at age 15. I bet there is a link between them. I was researching Munchausen disease and think there must be a name for jealous mothers out there. I am overly feminine and have been bullied and abused since birth. Not only by peers but by older women actually all ages.
    The crappy thing is, men don’t realize it’s going on and take the side of the abuser and therefore make the feminine woman think she is the one that’s crazy. Many relationships have ended due to vindictive, anti feminine women attacking the feminine and unless the feminine woman stops it at first act or word, it will continue to be draining. They are not only energy vampires, they are violently betraying their own sex by being aggressively corse toward them. I had a girl ( I can’t call her a woman because women don’t treat other women this way…) tell me as she was digging her nails into my arm, that she didn’t talk to me for a year because she couldn’t stand seeing me so happy and in love with my new fiancé. She went on to growl and stare into my eyes while telling me that she wanted to kill me and when my fiancé came back into the room she told him, in front of me AND her boyfriend that she wanted to “fuck him”. Nice huh? So then she immediately switched to being “normal” as if she never said or did that and this went on for days. This is a true example of those girls that are NOT feminine. It’s an extreme example, but they feel the same way that this girl acted inside when they are jealous of a true feminine woman. Believe me, I’m an insanely feminine woman and am writing a book about this subject now. I have more stories about it than anyone I’ve ever met. If anyone wants to email me with their stories please contact me 🙂 silverfeather7@ymail.com

    • Nana says:

      That was not the girl, it was a demon talking through her, search for the pastor TB Joshua on youtube for some of the same. Are you christian? It seems that your presence activated those spirits.

  • Ronald says:

    Its very hard to tell wether your spouse to be is of that kind but we Men we just find our selves in the hands of such Women am speaking my experience .

  • People_Pleaser says:

    Help! My husband’s long time best friend’s wife hates me. They have know my husband most all their lives and I have only know them 6 1/2 years. Her husband is great to me and so are all of our friends but she has had it in for me since day one and did not like that my husband and I were getting married. He has been single a very long time and she was always taken care of my husband and cooking for him whenever he was around or they all went camping together. She always make references to before I came around she could do this or that referring to staying in our travel trailer, cooking, bringing her kids, and pretty much ran whatever she wanted her way. I have told her many times she is always welcome. She jabs at me and jabs at me in front of our other friends and they keep wondering if or when I will ever blow and commend me for my self control. She basically makes a fool of herself while trying to make a fool of me. But it really hurts and it’s not fair to our guys because it makes getting together tense. I am very athletic, ride dirt bikes with the guys, golf with the guys, love the water, and she does none of these things. I know a lot of the guys tell my husband I am a cool chick cause I am a bit of a Tom Boy yet very feminine at the same time. I am who I am and I am not going to stop what I love doing to please anyone. How do I handle someone so mean and jealous? So far I just ignore her but it is getting worse and worse and she keeps trying to provoke me more and more. Please help, she is bringing me to tears.

    • marymare says:

      Hi. It sounds like you need to have a one-on-one chat with her. Be honest. Tell her the jabs are hurtful and create a hostile scene when the groups trying to have fun. If she continues, you may have to confront her within the group setting. She want to be the alpha mare, so to speak, and now she must learn to share. Not easy for her. Next time she throws a particularly mean jab, kindly ask her ‘whatever do you mean by that’? And then wait in silence for her response. She will probably back down a bit and then you can say, ‘oh good, let’s go ride’. Sounds easy enough I know but a kind confrontation may be all that is needed.

      • People_Please says:

        Thank you for your response. I did finally confront her and that’s not something I do easily. She asked another mutual friend her opinion and if she came off as being mean to me and our mutual friend had my back all the way. So far she has been much nicer. I hope it lasts.

  • MissM says:

    At work I like to dress up in pretty work clothes….., like dress suits, jackets and skirts, or dress pants suits! I like my hair, face and nails to be groomed! But, many women I think just look like they rolled out of bed, and threw on the clothes that were at the bottom of the bed! So to me, if you have a problem with me, why not start with yourself and just fix yourself up! You would be surprised at how much better you feel about yourself!
    I once had a group of women gang up on me at work about why I wear makeup, why I dress, finally I had enough and I said,”Because I want to!”. Then they finally just shut up! I mean how crazy is that?

  • MissM says:

    Insecure, bitter people will never accept a secure, positive human being the too personalities do not mesh! Like the old saying goes, “birds of a feather flock together”. So, don’t try to be anyone other than who you are, remove yourself from environments that make you feel mistreated, either through verbal, written or through body language! God made you and he makes no mistakes, so keep your head up!

  • Anonia says:

    I’ve also experienced self-admitted jealousy from a “best friend” and some from my mother, although I love her very much. The best friend’s basic personality is also feminine in fact but she has gone through phases where she has tried to “fit in” with this society by being rougher, while I just went on being myself. I see it all very clearly now. I think it happened to them when they felt bad about certain things in their own lives. But I’m happy that you said that all women can be feminine if they choose to. And it is our natural personalities after all; we don’t have to change ourselves to prove anything to others or “fit in” and as I’ve discovered from my travels, every society is different in any case. Being aggressive won’t pull it off in some of the cultures I’ve been living in.

  • Anonia says:

    You are right about this. It’s good to have it spelled out. I’ve often experienced such jealousy from other women and girls since childhood. And yes, I do find that many men go after me, often too many (when I’m not even interested in them), even though I treat them very naturally, as friends, and don’t try to make them interested. I tend to focus on friendships, not dating.

    Also, yes, in this culture, I first realized even though I’m Western too (from another Western culture though which is less aggressive and more polite) that there was something different about me when I was bullied in junior high school (and even from some jealousy from childhood girlfriends). Another woman mentioned being bullied in high school for preferring dresses. Well, that was one of the reasons I was bullied. I was also more natural, more polite and more studious than the other girls. I also have always gotten along with men much better than with women, and had many guy friends even as a child, although I was feminine, not a tomboy. I have only been friendly with men, just to make friends (I treat them as brothers when getting to know them) and as a younger person I didn’t know what made them go after me, but I see now that it has been my unconscious femininity. I wrote a kind of long post below, but it’s since I was very happy to see this article and all the comments.

    Also, yes, the two worst experiences of my life were from women, and women who were not feminine at all but had very hard personalities. One of them (she had a high position) tried to turn all of my university dorm friends against me by spreading lies. My Japanese friend then said the woman was jealous and that it reminded her of things that often happen in Japan; I was so wanting to see the good in people back then that I didn’t want to believe her. Now this all makes a lot of sense.

    I’m also a people person who does not deliberately try to hurt others but wants to respect others. And I don’t try deliberately to be feminine: I mean, I’m attractive but I seldom wear makeup and while I take care of my hair I don’t do trendy things with it, but it still looks nice. Since I’ve been living abroad, I’m not into the latest fashions back in the West, but I like to dress in a way that I feel looks good on me, but I only do that for myself, not for how it looks to others, since I no longer care about that. I like feminine clothes, so I preferred the clothes I found overseas, which are more feminine, and I don’t buy local clothes here. I’m always very interested in health and beauty but more as it relates to health and personal improvement.

    I don’t put on any airs, I just act myself, but somehow I come across as being feminine anyway, even though I’m strong inside and am good at asserting myself but only when I need to. I’ve always been this way but I improved it from living abroad recently. Since I only assert myself when it’s needed (and it’s not needed as much back in the West) some Western women, the aggressive types, stupidly take that to mean I’m not capable of it. I’ve never felt the need though to show off my strengths only to prove myself. I find such competitiveness very petty.

    I’ve found that overseas, in less developed cultures and eastern cultures, women were in fact more feminine. So I fit in better there and did not experience jealousy for my looks or femininity. The jealousy I experienced there was for being Western or from a more developed culture. Back here again, the jealousy is for my femininity. It makes me totally sick of this culture.

    Also, as others had mentioned, I am seldom jealous but when I am it is never about another woman’s looks, since I only admire other attractive women when I see them and sometimes want to get ideas from them for myself, such as with hair or clothes, if I think something looks nice. But even if I do feel jealousy, which is rare and never about looks, I’m still very polite to the person so they are not even aware of it. I also don’t like being jealous and don’t make it my focus since I have much more important things going on in my life. I think taking revenge on someone out of jealousy is a sign of extreme immaturity, pettiness and superficiality, not to mention a lack of personal responsibility. It also gives women a bad name, so many of them need to grow up and stop revolving their lives around the ability to “catch a man”. When men perceive they are treating them as friends and not trying to “catch” them, they might start to have better luck in attracting them.

    • MissM says:

      A-Your story is almost a mirror of my life! However I have a sister, mother who mistreat me as well!
      So to this day I have really no close girlfriends! I find most women are in competition with other women! Why is beyond me! I guess most want to be considered the queen bee! I am always looked upon as the queen by men, and scorned by women of all colors! When I was 14 I was considered homely, and had zero problems with girls. Then as I developed, I got scorned, and mistreated! It seems many women who were out to destroy me, everywhere I went! No matter my personality, which is fun loving, honest, open and a people person! I have men falling over me, my ex boyfriends and ex-husband still have me on a pedestal! I still do not know why, I am totally myself, except when I cross over into fantasy land. By that I mean when I feel like dressing up, applying makeup and wearing a dress, then I look the way I wish to look! Then all hell breaks out with women! I have had women wanting to fight me in groups in two different office settings! No woman even bothered to know who I was as a person first! No it was lets beat her up first! I am talking about grown women! I find that women need to work on whatever makes them feel secure then and only then can they ever accept and grow! Maybe then women like us will have a chance to feel safe and loved in whatever surrounding we may choose.

    • Sayo says:

      Anonia- I have to ask, are you half Japanese as well? Your story is SO similar to mine….. I feel so much better after reading it. Thank you for taking the time to post 🙂

  • Dior says:

    I encountered some occasional jealousy from other women growing up, but the last few years has been intense. I’m not the prettiest woman, im attractive because I take care of myself, but I’m not the youngest, most attractive woman even amongst people that I know. I’m 30, dating, and a graduate student. I didn’t even know for sure if it was jealousy that caused some of my friends and female clasmates to ditch me, turn on me, gossip about me, and even call me names. I was always nice and a team player but after seeing how they hated me despite my agreeable attitude, I decided to own all of all of myself, just be myself, be assertive and wow, they hated me even more after that. But at least I have my self respect. I am fit, take care of myself, try to wear feminine, attractive clothing, rather than jeans and t shirts all the time, and I have a lot of men interested me, often the most desirable Alpha types that are around.

  • Anna says:

    Thank you for this article.. very enlightening.
    Sometimes you don’t get it until you are going through it.

  • Kel says:

    I have turned down modelling projects just to keep jealous friends happy. I have not gone with opportunities because of friends, I have put my friends before me and even put myself down just to avoid friends jealousy. Now they are shinny and I lacked out on the opportunities and they left me for dead!

  • Lori says:

    Thank-you for the informative advice. I have a sister-in-law (my husbands brothers wife) who behave exactly like the jealous woman you describe. She has done so much damage in my marriage, because she gossips with my mother-in-law about me, and they gang up against me. I am not an aggressive person, and my husband can’t understand this jealousy thing – to the point that he believes I must be doing something to make them gossip about me to the whole family. I have now resorted to staying away from them as much as is humanly possible, as I couldn’t be bothered to confront them again. The last time I confronted them and asked them to come to me directly if they have a problem – I was called a b*tch and ignored by the entire family. I am very feminine, because I like being like that. I am also very friendly and loving, but not to these two “out-laws” anymore !

    • Mary says:

      Lori, I relate to what your said about your in laws. I have the same problems with mine. I’m very feminine also and my sister in law is “one of the guys”. I always wanted to be friends with her and tried very hard over the years to be kind and say nice things to her and their half sister also but everytime we get together she is always making snide remarks to me. Seems like I’m always wrong and she is always right no matter what the topic is. Once during the holidays the half sis and her both would ignore me everytime I tried to get in on their conversation. Sometimes they would flat out leave the room when I entered and giggle and talk quietly in the other rooms . I was young at the time and didn’t figure it out right away. Both of them were much older than me and I think were being very childish and petty by trying to brush me off like that. I believe they also turned their mother against me also because she has also made little snide remarks . I have did some modeling in the past and she asked me once “What I thought of porn”, I really felt like it was some sort of a cut down. It’s strange comments to me that really make me feel out of place with them which is sad because i believe families should be close. I have never got into any blow outs with them, I’m not very aggressive and I think they know this. I do my best still to get along. Since I live out of state I don’t have to see them much anyway. But I have got to the point of just not wanting to visit anymore. I feel for you.. It helps to know I’m not the only one who has these experiences with women.

      • Kel says:

        Omg! It’s awful. They are so cruel. There’s so many women out there like this! I wish we could all get together and make them feel like this. It’s unfair and so evil. Women are the worst for this type of behavior I have been in this situation so many times and I’ve even quit my job cos I couldn’t handle being bullied anymore. I wish there was an answer to stop this when it happens. It’s a struggle tho :(. I hope it stops for you and I hope they let u in on their conversations. I know… Maybe put on 100kgs and grow facial hair so u look ugly like them, they will be so move to you after that!!!! Lol but so true unfortunately

    • Kel says:

      I feel sorry for you. That is so terrible. I know that feeling but not with outlaws. Just with work friends etc. it’s cruel and vindictive what they are doing and I bet it’s your sister outlaw who is the instigator. She’s definitely jealous of you. Just be yourself and I hope your husband will see through it one day. It’s a very difficult situation to be in. Women can just be so cruel!

  • Jo says:

    Hello Renee,

    Thank you for posting this article.I have been searching for answers too about why woman hate for no reason.These have been very helpful to me. I’m also a very feminine girl.I’m 22 years I know this woman 29 years old.Shes my boyfriend sister-in-law.I don’t do anything to make her do this to me. I’m nice to her.

    There is so much to say about this woman I can’t even remember everything.

    -Everytime we see each other and hang out she would always comment on what I wear; she would say “I dont like flat shoes” and I love love flat shoes.She tells and make up things just to prove her assumption.
    -If me and her talk she would look and pick my flaws like; she said “I have flat lips..?”,”I have big ankles..?”some girls we know heard what she said and we just looked at each other in our mind was “Whaat?” I can’t believe she finds my ankle as one of my flaw.WOW! haha
    -She always talk about herself on what kind of things she gets and show them of to me like; on how expensive it is,brands etc…She thinks that I get jealous about material things yet she copied some of my outfits.
    -I usually caught her trying to make me jealous of course she doesn’t make it to obvious,but hey..I have x-ray vision I know what shes up to her nasty mind.She can’t get away it.I think her friendship to me is 50/50 because she finds me as a threat and probably think we are in a competition.No matter what she does to me doesn’t destroy my self-confidence but actually defines herself as a low self-esteem,insecure woman who goes out there destroying other girls emotions.

  • Laura Perez says:

    thank you for this article! This is so true. Thank you for the encouragement, because I am so tired of dealing with jealous and bitter women.

  • Annie says:

    you know I agree with what you are saying because this is the REASON why so many women don’t know right from wrong in how to talk to people in general. This is why I stick to myself, know it sounds harsh but never appreciated hanging arournd people who like to talk about what she did or what she looks like or why did she wear this or ewww look at her. Theres an age when people need to grow out of it. Now a days we don’t even need to look at another woman because the female popultation loves to demean others on the internet. then compare notes on a saturday @ the calldisack or for the high powered controllers as long as it doesn’t happen to me with already made gal pals running up a credit cards and talking about The Real housewives of BH. or new jersey…. it’s sick….. be well

  • Jennifer says:

    you can’t ever express the grief someone else goes through being aggressive. Meaning if your an aggressive woman who believes in the suck attitude you shouldn’t go around being mean to other women who are in their 40’s trying to make a healthy living too. Demeaning women isn’t in my brain and also creating friendships instead of others being harmful creates a toxic society and inept culture by those whom wish hardships onto others by words and actions. Very discouraging these days ….. and it’s sad. Uplift people and realize when someone is giving you an olive branch instead of being cruel. You don’t know what that other woman is going through. We are all beautiful in our own day. We are all going through the brunt of tough times sometimes a smile goes a long way. People do change for the better. good grief!

  • Dawn says:

    I noticed from when I was a very young woman and even today (at 43), there are some women who can’t stand me. I am very social, honest, some would say “cute” or “attractive” and generally easy to get along with (until I am treated poorly or dishonestly, then I become a total bitch. Thankfully, that doesn’t happen very often). I used to be a massage therapist – which is a surprisingly competitive, female dominated profession – and I have never had more problems with women then I did then. Now, in a male dominated profession, I tend to get along very well with the vast majority of men and women at work. I enjoy being around men, and they enjoy being around me. It’s one of the best parts of my job, and there is nothing inappropriate going on, just an exchange of male and female energy. LOVE IT!!!

    I had an epiphany one day, after much meditation, counseling and introspection, that people who don’t like me tend to be insecure, and it primarily tends to be women. So, my strategy is to just be myself – I carry on being social and friendly, I am cordial and professional to the haters when I have to deal with them, without going out of my way, and if someone is being miserable to me, then I confront the behaviour with as much tact as possible for the situation. Usually I find that when I call a person on her behaviour, if she knows she was being a bitch, she usually denies it right away but the behaviour improves. If it was truly unintentional, then an apology ensues. Either way, I’ve stood up for myself, let it be known that I won’t tolerate disrespect and there will be consequences.

    It seems to work for me because I’ve managed to weed out the nasty, negative people, and have a wonderful group of feminine female friends, and some very wonderful male friends as well. Yay!

    • Dawn says:

      And for the record – it is sad to say – that the majority of women with whom I clash are older. It’s very sad and shocking to me, because I really value female friends, but now I tend to not trust other woman.

      • Annie says:

        It seems you just like being the center of the world around your friends and don’t care what you say or do around others because of the insecurity you do have?

        Are You a Social Cynic?
        Giving others the benefit of the doubt enhances your happiness.

      • Adele says:

        That is great that you have found a great circle of friends. Never apologize for who you are. If you know you have good intentions, and you don’t set out to hurt people, then what do you have to feel bad about. Best wishes to you Dawn.

        • Dawn says:

          Thanks Adele, I appreciate it. I am very fortunate to have wonderful friends, and the mutual support we get from each other is fantastic. And you’re right, I don’t apologize for being who I am and having standards – I have so much love to give and I want to spend that energy wisely. Life is too short to be surrounded withf with jealous or insecure people who drag you down – I choose to be in relationships and friendships where we lift each other up and celebrate our lives together.

  • Crystal says:

    I’m loving this article and truly relate to most of these posts. I was feeling pretty down because of this issue lately and felt much better after reading this, so thank you all!
    I’ve never understood jealousy and have experienced this abhorrent, petty behaviour nearly my entire life. I was a competitive ballet dancer for a large portion of my life and eventually left my passion completely heartbroken. I was too young to understand what was happening and what continued to happen until recently. I’ve always been an open, cheerful individual that is quick to include and accept others but paid a hefty price regardless and even believed there was something wrong with ME. It brought me alot of shame and I was even foolish enough to cut off my beautiful blonde hair and dye it brown in an attempt to blend in, even hide.
    To be honest, I think those that are jealous are obviously insecure but I’ve always felt it stems from being ignorant and assumptive. Who am I to judge another female based on her outter appearance? Does it mean that because she happens to be attractive that she hasn’t had the same or worse struggles in her life that I’ve had? Would that not make me the shallow one…she’s simply competition and the buck stops there? Negative thinking is a CHOICE, therefore, so is feeling insecure in the first place, let alone partnering with jealousy and there is certainly no excuse for acting on it.
    I think as females we can naturally relate to one another in so many positive ways but many choose the “everyone for themselves” mindset instead. I don’t care if people think it’s “natural” to be jealous, like some animalistic urge, that’s a lie they are likely believing to justify putting others down so they can feel better about themselves.
    I was fortunate, I decided to start over and went back to college a second time. I excelled at it while working two jobs at the same time, met an amazing guy who loves and encourages me. Now I have a fantastic career because I decided I was worth more than the unfair rejection and disempowering words spoken over me. Ironically, alot of the girls I used to be friends with “dropped off the map” (as they were threatened and could never be happy for me) and I’ve made new ones with similar spiritual values and we don’t hesitate to encourage and edify eachother any chance we get. Although I still experience nasty behaviour here and there for seemingly unexplicable reasons :), I’m much happier believing the truth about myself and trying to pour positivity into the lives of other women because each of us matter and are oh so precious.

    • Carrie says:

      Hi Crystal,

      Thanks for posting this insightful, honest response… I’ve just gone through a major life change, break up, etc, and removed 2 ‘friends’ from my life who were totally unsupportive due to jealousy (documented by me and another friend of one of the women) of both my home, the ‘things’ I had, and my body, which I’ve worked very hard to keep in good shape all my life. I too, was a gymnast for a decade up until I was 17, then quit cold turkey one day because of being unsupported by my Mother!

      I’m ‘up to there’ with these insecure women who manipulate their smiles, words and supposed ‘friendships’ only to benefit their own damaged egos. It’s encouraging to hear that you’ve found a circle of true girl friends who are like-minded! I look forward to surrounding myself with similar women as well! I’ve met two new great friends recently, who are totally supportive, sweet, and secure in their own beauty, abilities, etc. Hallelujah! They do exist!

      Cheers!

      • Crystal says:

        Oh thanks Carrie!
        It is so nice to relate to and be related to by women who’ve weathered the same experiences and still manage to stay grounded and rise above. Everyone has their own unique journey and testimony and I love hearing about them!
        I can totally relate to the lack of support from family, it’s traumatizing not to have to support from those you love and need. I hope you regain your passion in one way or another again! I’ve felt totally revived revisiting mine lately, I feel it’s a key peice of my identity.
        I’ve also had it with females who allow themselves to be used for destruction. It is really hard not to take it personally sometimes, it’s annoying and hurtful. I don’t think it’s fair we are punished for taking care of ourselves and acheiving a life that makes us happy, let alone simply entering the public sphere!
        I read Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Womans Soul by Stasi Eldredge and it brought alot of perspective and healing to my life!
        There is something to be said for finding truly great friends, I’m happy to hear that! 🙂

        • Carrie says:

          Thanks, Crystal!

          Well, my ability to remain ‘grounded’ has definitely been challenged lately. But alas, I’m regaining it! After a lifetime of this stuff, I even remembered a neighbor that wanted to fight me when I was about 9 because she was jealous that I took gymnastics classes!, it gets old. I’m glad I put my foot down with both of the unfortunately sick women who both put me down to my face. One was my ex-maid of honor, who had the nerve to tell me I was spending too much on my wedding, when my wedding was actually less than 99% of people spend by thousands. I told her every woman is entitled to her wedding the way she envisions it. Its so sad, but it has ruined our friendship, I just couldn’t forgive her after realizing how she sabotaged my wedding, telling me she ‘needed a new roof more than a dress and shoes she’d never wear again.’ Then weeks later she all but admitted she was jealous because we had the money to spend on it. Wow, what a kick!

          I am much more cautious now about how close I allow other women to get to me before spending a good amount of time around them or involving them in my life in any big ways.
          Thanks for the book recommendation, I will get it!

          Best to you and your future! Hold your head high!

  • Heather says:

    These jealous women made my life Hell for years. My sister and I are highly feminine females, we always liked girly clothes, heels, hair and make up. When I was in high school girls spread lies about me saying I was a whore etc.. Even some of the female teachers were out to take me down. To make matters worse I had a butch/union sex cousin that hated me and like to gang up with the other girls and laugh at me when I walked the hallways. Some of the butch ones liked to start fights in the bathroom and make fun of my hair and make up. I could not believe some of the nastiness and blind hate I saw. My sister also worked in a office of all women and they made her life hell also gossiping non stop and once leaving a nasty threatening note on her car showing a flat tire on her front wheel. None of them would be friendly or speak to her and they made the evil stares and laughed when she walk in everyday just as they did me at school. These women made sure she did not get the job promotion she worked very hard to get.,things became so bad she was driven off and decided to quit. Alot of these women were in their 40’s and 50’s and they still act like they are in high school. I’m glad to see we are not the only ones who have had these experiences. The sad thing for me is its hard to make female friends. I thought things would get better as I get older but some women are still up to the same old games. It’s silly to live in such pettiness and ugliness of the spirit.

    • Lee says:

      I have to say I’m glad to hear someone notice like I do that some older woman who you would think would grow up and mature are worse than ever!!!!! I may have been like this at 20 but my god now I’m a grown woman I realise that it’s kids stuff to be like that. Honestly I think they are pathetic I really do. My husband always raved about a woman he just thought she was so beautiful and she was and still is. However it did bother me a bit back then but when I really thought about I told myself that its not her fault that my husband thinks she’s beautiful so why should I not like her , and that’s how I look at it now with maturity !!!!!!! If you think someone is gorgeous just admit it because the world is and always will be filled with stunning woman , I would actually admire a woman before a man I just love their beauty I love looking at them. The only woman I won’t acknowledge are the ones that are full of themselves , because I don’t care how stunning you are , you are not for everybody so don’t just automatically think everyone thinks you are as good as you do cos you are not!!!!!!

      • yateera says:

        Totally agree seems wherever you are at school work or social setting,there always someone jealous,especially if. People are drawn to you from your kind,friendly petsonality

  • deedoubleyou says:

    I just wanted to say that this article has reassured me and made me feel much better about myself. It’s just what I’ve needed to hear! I’ve always saw myself as a tomgirl. The reasoning for a “tomgirl” is that I like to do lads activities yet express my femininity through the usual hair, make-up, clothes, nursing course, etc. For my entire waking life I have been bitched about and actively brought down for I don’t know why. Now I do- because I must be feminine! It stopped once I started uni, then happened again not too long after I started (by a “butch”) But alas, she was dealt with. There has been nothing for over a year. These past couple of weeks I’ve noticed that I’m starting to lose a bit of weight, have a part time job which earns me commission, and just appear generally happier in myself as I’m seeking treatment for anxiety. Now all of a sudden two of my friends are behaving badly. I’ve not done anything to upset them but today they actively WATCHED me in work from the coffee shop opposite and made fun of my hair. How did I find out? A facebook post. Can someone tell me who actually does this? Now I’m not being paranoid because they were making fun of the size of my put-up. I like big hair so I bought one of those big donuts for it. Now my collegues poked fun but we do that to each other and wasn’t snidy. I just don’t understand why these girls are behaving like this? CAN SOMEONE HELP OR GIVE ME REASSURANCE? I live with them.

  • maria says:

    i found this article very helpful i worked as a barmaid until my boss ran off without paying the bills and clearing the place out so i lost my job and when new owners took over the pub i thought i would ask if there was any chance of them hiring me briefly i explained the situation and was asked to leave to my number but recieved a really frosty reception i hadn’t been in the pub for over a year when two days ago the weather brightened up and i decided to go in for a pint the girl behind the bar made it obvious she didn/t like me rolling her eyes body language off and fake grin i was perfectly polite and shrugged it off trying not to take it personally then i decided today to go in for a lunch time drink and the woman who rents the pub her face dropped as i walked in the atmosphere was cold and i didn’t feel welcome at all she even made a point of asking if i wanted a diet coke well my first instincts were definitely right but my mom always said its when they stop insulting you you have to worry as youre no longer competition . i am feminine and if you don’t have it you aren’t likely to get it im not a jealous person but if your on the recieving end of it brush yourself off walk tall and remember they are not worth getting upset over( easier said than done i know) good luck and take the high ground

  • Love says:

    This is a really nice and thoughtful article. I believe that every beautiful and feminine lady out there, should endeavour to embrace her values, feminity and all. Feminine and lovely ladies are rare these days and its a great thing to be labelled as one. Although, as you stated, one must never let another insecure or maniulative individual to bring her down. Beautiful work I must say. Keep up the good work dear!

  • Anna C says:

    I have a story. It is true that other women can sense femininity and get scared by it. I would say I’m a pretty feminine woman. But I realize that sometimes, I can be that jealous woman. Usually, I’m very happy to see another feminine woman… BUT… not if they seem attracted to my man. If this occurs, I get into very territorial mode. I become almost dark feminine but also very aggressive inside. I’m usually a very spiritual person. Last weekend, we had a big dinner, and there was this very feminine girl sitting at the table beside my man. He introduced me as his girlfriend, but this girl and him went to the same college- a strong commonality. So, I was threatened. AND the fact that she seems SO feminine, more feminine than me. My man even took it a point to pay for her dinner, and mine too, and he does NOT have a lot of money. At first, I was LIVID. But then I realized that he paid for her dinner because he is a kind man, and he knew she was not rich, and new to the city. And they had some good conversations. I did not blame my man for what he did, because I know he wouldn’t be the cheating type. He’s very loyal. But I was livid because I saw this girl looking my man up and down, several times during dinner. I knew she wanted him. But I was ready to fight her, in my mind. I knew she would not last if she tried anything. But still, I knew WHY I didn’t like her – and that was her femininity that I wanted. She seemed more feminine than me. I suppose in this case I would need to build up my own value instead of tearing hers down. I would need to be more feminine than her so that my man would be more attracted to me instead, and never her. But it’s still very scary to deal with an unattached feminine woman who seems to have eyes for your man. That is a very difficult and delicate situation.

  • Emily says:

    Thank you so much for verbalizing EXACTLY WHAT IS GOING ON. I worked with a few John Candy’s and some Wesley Snipes and some Newmans (from Seinfeld) all women… some in their fifties using vile (that was a shock) language. They were frequent users of social networking too. I like the technology, but was surprised at how insidious these aging grandmothers were. They are so manipulative and pit others against others and then speak of religion and praise. I have seen it all. They then go online to befriend randoms and create an online persona likely. I’d heard them speaking of online situations and be so taken aback at their immaturity, inner ugliness and stark jealousy. They would be severely afflicted. I knew that I had a special-ness to my walk and a dip in my hip and arch in my back that they likely did not appreciate. I knew that my voice was lulling and my smile inviting. I knew that I liked kindness and would erect a tall wall where inner ugliness resided to keep those destructive jealous fems at arms link where they couldn’t touch me. Well they reached a little further.

    Others early thirties. though I was “the nicest person in there” they proceeded to tear me down. Horrendous incidents you would not imagine. My longstanding relationship years and years long, my beautiful skin, classy fashion, self purchased home, self purchased new car, good credit, perfect attendance, over perfect productivity measures and respectful and YES EXTREMELY FEMININE disposition asserted me in the TARGET PRACTICE category.

    I had lumber Jack females calling me names, invading personally, sabotaging me. I stuck it out and ignored with passiveness and smiled still. The more accolades and compliments the more rabbit they became. It was like Cujo…..except, I had no relationships with these dogs. I had only been nice, but after hearing how insidious they were to others, I kept my distance and kept it to hi and by mostly. They began to converge to get me off of my job and finally it worked. I am on the verge of losing everything. Its funny because the company and supervision was so disgusting that they did nothing much…even when others spoke up however silently.

    Nothing…

  • WilMadison says:

    Hello there! Love the website. Made me think of an article I found the other day defending physically beautiful women. Not a common perspective but a clever one.

    Wrath of the Rotund
    by Guy Somerset
    http://takimag.com/article/wrath_of_the_rotund_guy_somerset#axzz2LGfwPnv2

  • AMM says:

    This is kind of long but here I go.

    When I first started dating my Boyfriend of 4 years I become close to his older brother. Him and I had so much in common and we were identical in so many ways. Eventually he married this women who seems to be a nice Christian women. Me on the other hand I did accept Christ but I was rough around the edges because I was bullied my whole life and I was scared to show emotions out of fear of rejection. As time went out Things got worse for my family and I was homeless at age 19. My BF helped me move to where he was going to school and I was closer to his brother and his sister in law. I would hang out with them a lot because I didn’t have any friends since I was new. Eventually his wife began treating me badly and would make snide comments towards me. for example. I told her I got two jobs to work and I was excited to start. What does she say to me? That’s good it gives you less time to eat.. I let it go.. Then one day I was alone with her and she told me I was no longer allowed to be friends with her husband. She said she was jealous of me and I was too much like her husband and felt threatened having me their. She told me not tell him because he would think she was nuts. I got so offended and hurt I ended up not talking to either one of them in a long time… Eventually he began to act weird towards me and my boyfriend would force me to take him to see his brother and sister in law and I told him I never wanted to see them again. I was just so hurt by the shadiness of this girl. She is foreign and would talk crap on me to her mother and that’s why he mother was always rude to me. I never figured it out until she tried to accuse me of being a home wrecker. It hurts so much because I lost a friend and It’s all because I was too much like him.

  • SirenSong says:

    Not that it matters, by the way, but Gloria Steinem lead the feminists in America in the 1970s and was absolutely drop-dead gorgeous… you can look up pictures of her undercover at the NY Playboy Bunny Club to prove it!

    But the real point is that you owe all the modern day rights you have as a female HUMAN BEING to feminists. If it were not for feminists, men would not have given you the right to VOTE, the right to OWN PROPERTY in your own name, or the right to control your own sexual and reproductive choices. It’s feminists that gave all of us women the ability to use birth control, and prosecute bad men in the court of law for being deadbeat dads, for rape, for sexual harassment, for not paying equally for equal work, etc. How you could possibly equate all of these basic human rights which have only been granted by law because of feminists, as a matter of ugly women being jealous of “feminine” women, is beyond insulting.

    I happen to be a beautiful, young woman – AND a feminist. Because, *gasp*, I like being able to vote. And I like being able to own a house without a husband. And I like being able to have a credit card in my name, and the freedom to choose whether or not I want to be a parent. I like being treated like an equal in society – at least by the letter of the law – and not as disposable eye candy who needs a mans permission.

    If you want to talk about jealous women, it’s the “feminine” wall-flowers who are jealous of women who take charge, kick butt, and look amazing doing it. I’ve heard more bitchy, nasty, incredibly jealous comments about “masculine” and very *sexy* women like Angelina Jolie and Madonna than anyone else… because they are completely comfortable with their sexuality, with their beauty, make absolutely mind-boggling amounts of money, have every man on the planet checking them out and have no problem wearing the pants (and the dominatrix boots!) in a relationship. And all the boring, submissive, would-be-housewives out there, who just long for a man to tell them what to do, can’t hold a candle to these real women of beauty and action.

    • R says:

      Actually, it’s the women’s rights movement that gave women the right to vote among other things. The feminist movement didn’t come until later under the guise of women’s rights, fyi.

      What Renee says is true, a lot of feminists seem to be angry, bitter women who see femininity as a weakness, you being one of them. Embracing your femininity doesn’t mean you’re denying anything to yourself, just accepting your true feminine nature(there is such a thing, contrary to what feminists believe about gender roles). And btw, I can only imagine how your relationships with men must be: An angry constant battle. How sad.

      • SirenSong says:

        Seriously? Read a history book! All groups who pushed womens rights forward, who believe that women should have equal rights to men as they both deserve basic HUMAN rights, are “feminists” by definition. So far there have been three “waves” of the feminist/womens rights movement, the first fought for the right to vote in the early part of the 20th century, the second (in the 60s/70s) gave women reproductive choice and various other legal rights in the workplace (such as equal pay for equal work, maternity leave and no sexual harassment) and the third wave of feminism has expanded to include more minorities such as women of color, immigrant women, lesbian, bisexual, transgender women, and others.

        Secondly, there wasn’t a single word in my post about “embracing your femininity” or “femininity being a weakness.” My post was about basic HUMAN RIGHTS that feminists had to fight for to benefit ALL women, and for that they deserve our upmost respect. You clearly want to imagine some really bizarre things about “femininity” in order to create a fake argument. I personally don’t give a damn if you embrace “your feminine nature” or not, if you stay home to be a mom or climb a corporate ladder, or both, and it’s the FEMINISTS who gave you the RIGHT to choose the life you want. Because before feminists fought for legal and social and cultural changes, you had no choices other than being a second class citizen. That you would even argue against this, is beyond belief. It only shows your massive ignorance about what life for women was like before women had basic rights.

        Did you know that before the late 1970s, single mothers giving birth in catholic hospitals in the US had their babies stolen from them, and put up for adoption, without the mother having any say in the matter – because they were considered “unfit mothers” for not being married? And that this was LEGAL!??

        You really need to educate yourself. There are a lot more important issues in the world concerning the mistreatment of women, than your “expressing femininity”. Women are denied life, limb and property, systematically raped and kept as virtual slaves around the world by men, and you just want to make sure they are “feminine” enough, and don’t ever get angry. Give me a break.

        When it comes to gender “roles”, the feminists rightly believe in set gender roles, that people should be free to choose whatever role they want – where as you claim there is a “true feminine nature” and put all women in a box. It’s hard to believe anyone could be so closed minded as to think that all women are naturally 100% submissive and “feminine”, and any woman who fights for her basic rights or gets pissed off because she’s expected to sit down and shut up in society, is somehow denying her true “feminine nature.” There is a lot more to being a woman than you seem to think.

        I mean seriously, you must still live in the victorian era and be taking your cues from Freud to think that women can’t also be world leaders and CEOs and successful in all walks of life, and that any woman who doesn’t bat her eyelashes and speak in a soft, submissive voice when her rights are denied is just ‘confused’ about her ‘role.’ And rather than making any kind of intelligent argument you try to personally ‘insult’ me by saying my relationships with men must be terrible… is that really all you can think of to define a womans life? How she gets along with a man? Talk about a second-class complex!

        I’ve yet to meet a modern man who didn’t agree that women deserve the same basic rights as human beings as men do, in the workplace and in society. It’s only confused, ignorant-of-history-and-the-world women like you, who completely define themselves by the presence of a man, arguing against your own freedom that drag us all down.

        Oh and FYI for you: Men *worship* strong, confident women who know their own worth and don’t settle for less. You should take a lesson from Cleopatra, Joan of Arc, Queen Elizabeth, Catherine Hepburn, Elizabeth Taylor…

        You have a lot to learn about the issues and the facts, and I can’t waste any more time. Get educated and stop fighting against your fellow females basic rights – I’m done.

        • American Men says:

          Free clue. Men don’t like women who have your attitude. Strong women don’t have your attitude, because they are secure and self-assured, and have nothing to prove and nobody to blame.

          Strong women don’t politicize relationships and gender, and those who do are shunned by men of worth. Life is too short to waste on a resentful man-hater.

        • Catherine says:

          I did not get to read this entire thing but it really pisses me off when some women are afraid to say “I am a feminist.” The definition of feminism is that you agree with women’s rights. I understand there is an aggressive or masculine perception of feminists because of some of the protests but come on ladies, not all feminists hate men. Many men love a strong (yes feminine) but strong woman. It takes a strong woman to stand up to jealous women, to raise kids, to love even when not being loved and to have enough self respect to believe they they deserve the same pay and right to vote. Femininity does not mean passive, it means love. Would it not be better to embrace all women? Especially the jealous ones could use love to know and feel their own worth!

        • Anonia says:

          A woman can maintain a sense of equality with men by being herself. It isn’t nnecessary for her to try to imitate men in order to be considered equal. In fact, imitating men means that deep down you believe that male-like behaviour is more acceptable than female-like or feminine behaviour. Naturally, there are women who exhibit a little more of their masculine sides than others, just as some men are more sensitive and artistic. But women should be respected for being themselves and not be put down by OTHER WOMEN for being more womanly or possessing more of the traditionally feminine characteristics. When women learn to embrace their own qualities and natures, then and only then can they truly see themselves as being equal with men, since they can feel equal while not using the male template as a reference point.

          I believe completely in male and female equality, but I won’t imitate men and I also believe completely in being myself. I don’t see why when I am confident in myself I should be treated like dirt by a number of other women, particularly whenever I am on this continent..

    • Ace says:

      I’m really sorry to hear this, I too, was forced to quit a job I loved (and had taken a considerable albeit temporary pay cut for which in turn led me into debt since I then had to quit), with a boss I loved because a jealous (and get this, she was, I thought, more beautiful than me, but apparently more insecure because my boss took me on a business trip after I’d only been there 6 weeks and never took her in 3 years) co-worker set me up to look like I was the one to cause a project to be done in the nick of time instead of the 3 weeks ahead of schedule I tried to get her to help me with it in. I had the emails to prove I had been asking her (my boss actually assigned her to help me since I didn’t have all the know-how she did yet), offering to stay late or come in on the weekend to get it done, but she stalled, then made us come in at 8am when the project was due by 10am and we finished it as the lawyers were walking by our desks to pick it up. My boss came down on me about it and didn’t want to listen to reason. So I quit. What else could I do? I saw where this was going to go, she had senority and I knew I’d need her again for questions.

      So sad that women are so petty to waste one another’s time, and all the amazing things we could be accomplishing in the world. I just went through another battle this week with my neighbor who tried to break up me and my fiance over her jealousy for my beauty, the way I dress, etc. She has hounded me since we moved here 2 years ago, but then pretends to be my friend to my face. Why can’t women see that beauty truly does come from within and support other women? We are all losing because of these insidious battles.

      • Heather says:

        Thanks for sharing your story I have been going through these same issues with women for years. I agree jealous mean spirited women are not always the butch Lumber jack types. I have been surpised by a few that I thought were beautiful on the outside could act just as bad or even worse than the butch types. I often think they may feel your their competition, that maybe you take the “spotlight” off of them around men, so they decide to ruin your life. I read that back in the 70’s Raqel Welch was making a movie with a young beautiful Farrah Fawcett ,Raqel was very mean to Farrah on the set refusing to say anything kind to her even making nasty comments about Farrah’s teeth , hair, etc.. Amazing to me as beautiful as Raqel was that she would have felt so threatened by another women’s Beauty. It”s the classic Snow White story. I’m not a jealous type myself . I enjoy having friends that are younger and prettier than me, because I feel I can learn things from them and we can learn from each other. . I agree all this pettiness is such a waste when we could all be suporting and kind to each other, think of all the good friendships we miss out on because of all this silliness. The sad thing is alot of grown women 50’s + are actting just as bad as they did in high school. No matter how little or how much beauty we have outside the beauty from our hearts is what counts the most and even the most beautiful woman in the world can seem wicked when her heart is cold.

    • Mary89 says:

      I agree with SirenSong about women rights. Personally I think every woman has the right to be the one she wants: masculine, feminine, sexy, girly, tomboy, “wall-flower”, etc. The point is THE RIGHT TO CHOICE. Dont judge her comment so angrily. Btw, I cared that most deadly jealous women are the ones who try hard to look sexy but cant. They are in a permanet competition to attract men, so it s hard for them to be around a beautiful feminine woman who attracts men easily without doing any special effort.They are not srong women, because these type doesnt care much about male attention. I dont say they are never bitter but lots of them make sisterly friendships with more delicate women, even protect them. If you think a strong woman is a miserable who lacks love & feminity, so why you hate her? You should pity her. It seems that some weak( & not necessarily more feminine) women are jealous of strong, active women.

  • Aileen says:

    Thanks for the great article on feminine confidence. I don’t have a bitchy personality myself but have always had female coworkers make nasty comments about what I wear – I love wearing feminine clothes – one used to wear shoe thongs everyday! I love being a real woman & even now when I go to cafes etc (i am 42 years old) I find that I am very comfortable talking to all staff – male & female staff, I am lucky to have a lot of male admirers & I think again its because I love wearing beautiful clothing & now being older I have to deal with ageism as well ,one female 20 something staffer told me that i am a married woman & shouldnt flirt with the male staff – we are talking to each other & I am a very friendly person naturally -it doesnt mean that I want to sleep with every man I talk to but she makes me feel this way..I feel sad us woman have sacrificed our friendships. I ignore what younger women tell me- I live my life the way that I want to…Thanks for the great article.

    • Ace says:

      Rock on, sister! I’m 40, but people constantly ask if I’m 28. I’ve eaten well, work out, take good care of myself and, most importantly, keep a positive attitude despite the hoards of women who have tried to bash me, my feminine clothes, etc, over the years. Be proud of your femininity and your lovely outgoing personality! And keep ignoring!

    • Dawn says:

      Well, here’s the thing with the young women who put you down because of your age – beauty fades, but stupid is forever. What they lack in chronological age, they also lack in character and life experience, both of which can enhance attraction and connection to quality, masculine men.

      Others often think I am only in my mid-30s (I am 45), and I am friends with a man years younger than me. I know he finds me attractive and we do have a connection – however, he has a girlfriend who is 10 years younger than him – and she likes to gloat and I know she’s made comments about my age. Who cares? I can’t change my age, but I have more class than she ever will, and the right guy will want me for everything I have to offer, even though physically having children is not in the cards for me. Let them have each other – I have better things to do than feel insecure because some young, ignorant girl thinks she’s better than me because of the birthday on my driver’s license.

  • Marie says:

    I came across this doing a search and it’s a very interesting article. I too struggle with this from time to time but not so much now as before. It tends to slow down as you get older and others around you that have caused problems like this age as well or just simply vanish. I still have to deal with one person in particular but it’s through a “second” party so to speak and I don’t have much contact with her, but I do understand it’s very difficult when you’re still in the midst of it and have not much of a choice in avoiding it, like in a workplace.

    I can never understand what motivates women like this to perform such cruel intentions towards an innocent simply based on their own insecurity… Especially when dealing with adult aged+ women, it’s like dealing with a hormone imbalanced teenaged girl at times and can become very frustrating when their signs are clearly visible to everyone else but themselves. They fail to understand that it’s shows clearly through their body language and their immature actions despite whatever efforts they use to cover it up. What’s a shame is whatever “comfort” they feel by doing this type of harm to another is short lived, when the answer to true comfort is so simple: Be satisfied with what God gave you. It’s that simple.

    • R says:

      Yes, I too find this behavior the saddest when exhibited by grown women. So immature and frustrating…

    • Ace says:

      Hallelujah! Tell that to my 65 year old neighbor who has spited me behind my back and smiled to my face for years, all the while coming to my house for parties while slowly but surely making digs into my looks, choice of clothing, etc. This week, 2 months before my wedding, she, for the 2nd time in 2 years, tried unsuccessfully to break my fiance and I up. When I stood up to her and told her everything I don’t care for about her negative attitude and obvious jealousy she sent an email to my fiance calling me a narcissist. All I’ve done for years is tried to boost her ego by helping her with her uncountable issues with literally every person in her life, both her sons, people at her old church, her ex husbands, ex friends, hmmm, is there a pattern here… there is no one in her life that stays because she drives everyone, especially young women (her daughter in law) away from her.

      And yes, it is absolutely the saddest coming from a woman who is old enough to be my mother and should be nothing but kind, sweet and supportive to me, as I’ve been to her. Instead she befriended a 19 year old boy to the point that my fiance and I started joking calling him ‘the surrogate’ boyfriend since she says she’s also given up on men.

      I think there needs to be psychological counseling for these women, specifically focusing on this issue. Women as a gender have enough challenges in life, we don’t need to be adding to each others’ headaches. Be happy with what God gave you, jealousy is so ugly and petty.

      • Heather says:

        OMG! I experiened the same thing with a older lady who like you said I tried to help by befriending. She seemed like a sweet innocent motherly type at first but after a few months the nasty comments started and never stopped. I tried to give her excuses because her son recently died in a drug deal gone bad. I had also had a recent loss of a loved one and was trying to help her taking her food , sending cards etc.. I was being a good Christain kind human being to her. She also had alot of x husbands, xfriends and xneighbors , even her own sister and neice wanted nothing to do with her. That should have told me something also. Within months she turned into a monster and turned on me cutting me down in front of other people and making nasty remakes about my clothes and hair etc… She started asking to borrow things like my small TV and never offered to give it back then she wanted me to help paint her house, demanding that I do things for her all the time even useing a nasty tone with me on the phone more than once. It was turning into a nightmare. I was going to be this woman’s doormat if I let her. I finally stood up to her and told her I didn’t like being constantly criticized and it was best I go my own way. She told me “She was sorry I felt she said something wrong” LOL! I truely believe this woman may have had some sort of psych drug addiction that was adding to her nastiness, because she was constantly taking pills and mixing them with booze. It taught me alot about who I get involved with in the future. If you let the wrong people in your life they will rip your self esteem apart..Thanks for sharing.

        • Carrie says:

          Thanks, too, for your reply and such a similar story, Heather! It’s at least very comforting to hear others stories and how they have worked through them.

          I spent 2 years constantly building up my neighbor’s esteem about her arguments with her sons, her body, etc. Now I realize, after sending her a very point-blank “stay away from me with your negativity” email, that avoiding having her in my life at all is a good policy. She starts to feel bad after a while and sent me this email saying she “didn’t realize how horribly I thought of her”. So I know she is now going for my pity, but I’m not giving it to her, because it will just start the vicious cycle all over again where she pretends to be sweet and be my friend, then starts the negative accusations. She is very jealous of my body (which I’ve literally worked a lifetime to keep in decent shape) which I don’t totally understand because she’s not in bad shape for her age. I know the problem is just a level of crummy self-esteem which I can’t totally relate to and I do, on some level, feel bad for her, but I also know she is the only one who can help herself.

          Thanks for sharing and good luck with your neighbor! Hold your head high no matter what!

          Have a great day

      • Heather says:

        Thanks for the reply. I’m lucky that this older woman was not my neighbor but lived out of town from me. I was able to end it and never have to see her again ,it’s been several years ago . She also tired to make up to me with a few cards saying “she missed me” lol. I agree with you I think alot of the way she actted was from her own insecure self esteem problems and jealously. You are right I’m sure she would be back to the same old vicious cycle had I got back in contact with her. This woman had also been very pretty when she was younger and was still attractive for her age. I understand everyone can feel insecure about getting older but they should not take it out on us. I was going through a hard time myself and this crushed me at the time because I really thought I had a friend in this person. I finally got sick of the constant snide remarks , I knew for my own self respect I had to get away from this person. It also helped me to watch Joyce Meyer and listen to her motavational tapes. I agree lets just hold are head up high no matter what!

  • Laura says:

    If you are beautiful, other women may hate you. Be beautiful anyway. If you are successful, others may resent you. Be successful anyway. If you are happy, others may be jealous. Be happy anyway. Because in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.

  • Mari says:

    erin, you are so lucky to have attended baby as art! i am on the wtiniag list and met brittany and carrie at wppi at the asuka booth. your newborn work is really looking fabulous! i love it. it is a goal of mine to get better and better at newborns. i love working with them. what is it about them that makes it such fun? i know what you mean! if you ever wanna do something together i’m all for it! i love to practice and play. such great work! lesli

  • Lasirena says:

    Finally! So much of what is said in the article and in the comments is EXACTLY how I feel! Some women are just hateful insecure jealous bitches! But babies do not let them dull your light’ shine shine shine and sooner or later you will find women who are like you and they will be pulled to you by your feminine and beautiful energy. Let us make a pact to never let them drag us down to their level by making us bitter or resentful . Love your enemy. What you resist persists – what you accept flows . Burn coals on their heads and be nice or evade and avoid! I am so strengthened by reading all your comments – BEAUTIFUL GIRLS YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I send you all so much love and light.

    • Carrie says:

      Hallelujah, sister! Thank you for your beautiful words and uplifting thoughts! I can use them right now! And I’m sure many other women on here can as well!

      Cheers and more positive power to us all!

      Love to all the sweet, lovely women on here! Go forth and remain strong, always!

  • Shelley says:

    Oh my lord, the jealousy is cruel among women. I have dealt with this my whole life. I still forgive over and over, but it wasnt until I started cutting people out that I learned this had to be done for self preservation. My best friend from childhood was the worst one of them all. I never paid any attention to how jealous she was of me until she became my clone and tried to destroy my marriage. She turned everything around on me, the lies were the worst. I honestly think if you become friends with someone and they are jealous, if you dont stand your ground, that jealousy can become a mental illness for the other party. It gets worse, alot worse. Confronting somebody doesnt always work either, they will lie and turn things around on you. Sometimes its best to cut your ties and walk away….make sure they cant sneakily get ahold of you online, by mail or any other way. Some people will go to the ends of the earth, to try and destroy you and thinking you are the reason they arent the most special person in the world. They dont know no better, like it would be better if they worked on themselves instead of trying to tear down somebody else.

  • Michelle Carroll says:

    Hi, I’m an Irish lady in her 40’s doing the second year of a college course. My kids are old enough and I wanted to try a different career. I’m attractive but do not stand out as far as beauty is concerned but I think I must have this feminine energy you mentioned because men always seem to want to help me. I have a loving and lovely husband (he has a lovely energy about him). There are lovely feminine women on my course who I get on very well with but there is a lady who is slightly older than me (one year), who seems to dislike me intensely. She is quite butch and has a very masculine energy. Last year on the course she talked negatively about me behind my back – I caught her doing this and I was told she did this. If I made a comment during class, or had a question for the tutor, she would start whispering very loudly to her neighbour to advertise the fact that anything I had to say was not worth listening to. The list of ways she found to undermine me goes on and on. Last year, on the first year of my course, I went through a difficult time personally with a family issue and got upset about it in class. She totally changed towards me for that couple of hours. She was kindness itself and really helped me. I saw a lovely side to her and I believe she would make a great friend, as long as my life was miserable. During that couple of hours of openness, she confessed to me that life is difficult and that she believed it was all about playing the game to get by. I asked her what she meant by this and she said that you have to act in certain ways with some people to please other people. After the couple of hours, she returned to her old ways (snide comments and bullying behaviour). During this second year of the course, the dynamics have changed as a lot of people have left and there are also a lot of new people. She is much quieter and more timid. She tends to avoid me and pretends not to see me if we meet in the corridor. I am worried though, that the bullying will start up again. Another worry I have is that one of my female tutors, who was my main tutor last year but not this year and who is also quite butch and masculine will turn against me again. The tutor was very pally with the bully last year and also seemed to dislike me. She was a bit unfair in class to me and was quite rude and aggressive with me on occasion. She never neglected her duties to me as a tutor but she gave lots of extra help and tips to class members that she withheld from me. I was just wondering what does anyone think and could someone please give me some advice? I’d be very grateful.

  • Kylee says:

    Good on you Renee. I will visit your site more often now I know this is where the really nice women come to find a friend.

  • Kylee says:

    This totally sums up my life! Women have been horrible to me and to others since I was six years old. Now I am dealing with a women at my children’s primary school who makes me feel so horribly isolated. She spoke to me for the first year but then started to be really dismissive and rude. I got sick of being humiliated by her (not looking at me, not saying hello when I was right in front of her, screwing up a party invitation I’d given her…) so I began to reflect her behaviour back at her. Three years on, women who were once my friend, are now in her little click and won’t speak to me either. Even women who do include me, still find a way to put me down or leave me out… they might reject everything I say or meet my words with awkward silences. Or I might hear about a night out that I wasn’t invited to or our kids are not invited anywhere. They other day I needed to know if I were the only one the first woman treated like that so I mentioned it to my (so called) friends. They laughed at me, said I must have deserved it and then proceeded to say that she was lovely and I was wrong. It was so awkward that I left and cried alone at the beach. (We were on a beach weekend holiday). The rest of the weekend I didn’t say much and they could see my eyes were swollen from crying – not one of them gave me time, put their arm around me, asked if I were okay. I don’t want them to see how they affect me so I just toughened up. Maybe I need to stop allowing women to treat me bad because I look after myself better or whatever their problem is. I think I’m going to do what I did when I was 8 years old – avoid women at all costs – unless of course they prove that they are an exception to the rule of the jealous bitch!

    • Renico says:

      This is why its so dangerous to talk to other people of what the jealous person did to you. There is always the chance of: them thinking that you are full of yourself, that you are gossiping instead of the other person and, last but not least, them taking advantage of your weakeness because by telling this its SO obvious that your bothered by it. Result: they love to bring you down too, why? Cause the majority of women is frustrated too.

    • Heather says:

      I competely relate to your blog, I’m so sorry this happened to you. I feel the same way, it’s hard for me to trust women and make friends they always seem out to take me down no matter how nice I am to them. Even my sister in law acts nasty to me after I constantly say nice things and invite her everywhere. It’s so petty and stupid of them. Hugs..

      • Kylee Sharp says:

        Thanks Heather for your kind words.

        I too pay many women compliments about their hair, clothes etc… to try and get them to warm up to me. But it doesn’t help. It may be wrong of me but now I don’t dull myself down to make others feel better, especially after reading this site. In fact, sometimes I ham it up a bit. I’ve spent 39 years (minus a few as a baby) trying stupendously hard to try and feel liked or respected or important to a female friend. It got me nowhere but hating and doubting myself. Now I’m working hard to like myself and rise above all females. If someone wants a genuine friendship, then she can come and talk to me rather than me always instigating a ‘hello how are you? You just got your hair done, it looks fantastic!” and then having her walk away to talk to someone better.

        Thanks again for your comments. Hugs right back at you.

        K

  • Samantha Joan says:

    Thank you!

  • Benina says:

    Women can be horrible to each other. I had two friends and I was amused by how their behavior changed when the one got a boyfriend. They stopped spending a lot of time together. The one was all over the boyfriend in public to make the other one jealous, that one looked uncomfortable and irritated when she was with them. In my town this is just how the women are, they are either jealous or seek to make others jealous. I often see the women glaring at me or laughing when I make a fashion error. Sometimes they are very aggressive. I get used to their cruelty as I get older. But some people tell me they are not cruel they are only women…

  • London Water says:

    I wish this would tell me how to deal with my jealous woman. Especially since she thinks its normal behavior and will never seek help for it.

  • Dana says:

    Hi,
    I have to deal with a jealous woman, she is my supervisor now. She keeps telling my how she hates all the women we work together with and yet in their face she pretends to be the nicest one. We work in a kitchen and all the chefs are all over her, how lovely she is but she had at least two relationships with two work-mates meanwhile she was married.
    And I could go on and on. One friend told me to be careful with her as she is very “diplomatic” I just didn’t want to listen him as I thought this woman was my friend even if I caught her on lies a couple of times.
    When I told her that I really like a guy, a single guy, working there and we had a really nice date, she was “so understanding” that she started flirting with him and about 3 weeks later she told me she didn’t want to hurt my feelings but that guy was hinting about taking her out.
    I was devastated and angry too. And she looked at me “Is it my fault?” I really wanted to scream at that point.
    Unfortunately I realised it later that I was fooled again. She is the type that something is wrong but you can’t really put your finger on anything. My wise best friend said to me to stay away from her and yes, since I do that, somehow she lost her importance and this is a good kick to me to find a new, more challenging job.
    I just don’t understand how some women can get away with this manipulative way of living, and why not too many people notice it and how is it possible that she is so popular with men?

  • Gina says:

    When you go out in public be true to yourself, it’s not necessary to dress down any longer, stand up for yourself! Take control! We are Beautiful women inside and out, send loving light to others mentally, feel confident, brave and strong! When you approach another woman or women act confident and act as if you dont care if they look you up and down a certain way, if they sense you care then they will try to eat you up but trust me! If you dont give in to it they back off! Try it! Post back with what reactions you get . Sending love and light to all the sisterhood in this Group.

  • Soso says:

    Every 1 to 2 years I get canned from a job from a jealous insecure female or gay male boss. I am sick and tired of it! I am going to go the self-employed route and I think you ladies should too. By the way, I would like to point out that I think every one of you Facebook commentators are gorgeous! No wonder you inspire jealousy. Such a sad world we live in…

  • Kristin says:

    Please connect with me. I’m someone who has had women try and destroy her ( and often succeed) for over 10 years. I don’t want to gloat, but I’m tall, blonde, blue eyed ( told I’m pretty) and super good at my job ( bachelors, masters degree and several certifications) I’m sick of getting destroyed and need some support 🙁

    • Soso says:

      Lets start a business together!

    • Kylee says:

      Hi Kristin,

      I know what you’re going through. Blonde, blue eyes, good at what you do – honey you don’t stand a chance with women. I have lost a job because of sexual harassment against me. I was blown away by the things women in the office said about me in the statements – absolute lies and not to mention the horrible bitch in HR who completely screwed me, telling me that I asked for it. (She was blonde and blue eyed too.) I spent the first 20-30 years of my life avoiding women because they were so mean and horrible. Then when I had kids, felt I needed to try and find female friends. Now I’m 38 and back to where I started… ditching women again. I think I prefer animals and plants. Best of luck Kristin. I know it hurts. But if a woman complains about being treated badly by women based on their good looks, all that will happen is they will be labelled narcissists by the same jealous women who made their lives hell in the first place. It’s like the ‘poor little rich boy’ routine. I am a red head with green eyes and have always looked after myself so my body doesn’t show signs of having two kids. Women try and compliment me but “Look at your legs you skinny bitch – put some weight on” is hardly a compliment. More like a passive aggressive attack. I may be rambling and I’m sorry. I’ve had a really horrible time lately because of women and I need to rant. I hope you are able to find a friend you can trust to care about you as a person and not just see your pretty face. It’s not just men that objectify pretty women. Women do it too – they forget that we may actually have feelings.

    • Heather says:

      I have lived your story and so happy I found this blog and I’m not alone (see my blogs). Thanks for sharing. It is so hard to make female friends that I now perfer my cats , dogs and husband. I had to read a ton of Joyce Meyer books and CDs just to get my self esteem back. No matter how nice and kind I am to them I can’t win. A support group would be a great idea. Let me know.

  • Gina says:

    Thank you ! This Group of women are a Blessing on this site.
    Being Confident and true to yourself.

  • Gina says:

    We need to stand up and take back our self worth and self esteem, there is too much of us that are being snarled at for no reason other than their jelousy, we should start a supportive Group a place to express , vent , experiences abd uplift and support , Im gamed, yahoo has an online Group we can get started, we stick together!

    • Kylee says:

      I like that idea. I’ve failed at gaining true friends in the real world (other than my husband). Perhaps online is the way to go.

  • Kamhar says:

    I bet most women have suffered a false friend that is jealous. I don’t have time for it anymore, no matter how nice you are, the most unbalanced won’t be content until they are in your shoes or got what you got. Nowadays I consider it healthy if I meet like minded confident women who have minds of their own and like themselves even if it’s too much! Confidence is powerful and I define it as being comfortable with who you are.

  • Mika says:

    Thanks for this great tip!I am glad I chanced upon your website as I had suffered a lot of years from jealous women, i find ithem stupid andd worthless to keep jealous of other women when u can spend ur energy else where..

  • T says:

    Renee,

    Thank you so much for posting this!!! I did not finish reading it but I will. However, everything that you mentioned thus far really hit the nail on the head, and I just had to comment on this article. I thought I was the only one (deep down not really) but to read other women’s experiences, stories, and exanples especially reading your article was comforting. I have been despised by females my entire life. I even had a psychic read my palm and she got one thing right, she said, “women don’t like you but that’s o.k.” and that is all I can remember from that meeting. I say I have Good days and Bad days. Good days not scolding, evil eye looks from head to toe, or just glares. Bad days well I don’t think I need to go into any details. It can be so bad that when I’m in my car if there is a woman driver in front of me she’s all glaring at me through her mirror. Me on the other hand I don’t care whose behind or what they look like as long as they don’t rear end me. I experience the Bad days more than the Good. I don’t consider myself beautiful although I guess I would be more cute and petite. I am quiet, keep to myself, polite, and kind. I have a good sense of style and I am able to dress myself appropriately and to my personality. I never had alot of girlfriends or females friends in general although I do have a very close friend who I consider my best friend. I have considered a friend for many years now. When I want to go somewhere I often think should I dress down so that I won’t attract the negative attention of women. I am not out to grab men’s attention and usually the woman are the ones who notice me over men. I just want to be myself when I go out whether I’m wearing a nice dress or some beat up jeans but it’s all the same. I sometimes feel discouraged but I have gotten better with taking that negative energy and directing it somewhere else. I don’t understand why woman are like that because it seems like a waiste of energy to be jealous of something you either can’t change or can change.

    While attending college my first year I had not 1 but 2 dreams about snakes. The college I was attending was a historically black all female institutions. Now, I am a black female so most of the time black women are the main culprits in these situations. I am not trying to single out just black women because I experience it with other races of women as well. Anyway, I had two seperate dreams about snakes attacking me and in my dreams I was streaming for someone to help and no one came to my aid. I would wake up in a panic because I have a phobia of snakes. After, thinking over the dreams and trying to psycho-analyze my own dream the only thing I could come up with was the snakes were actually a metaphor for Jealousy and the negative energy directed towards me by these women. Maybe I’m right or wrong but that’s my only explanation. The next year I was out of there never to return. It really saddens me that through years of segregation of the sexes, women being put on the back burner as far as education and equality we can’t lift eachother up but feel as if the physical and MEN are the answer to everything. I call it a pity and I am ashamed.

  • Jennifer says:

    I have just encountered this type of behavior this year from women who are friends with a gentleman I am dating. I have never experienced this or at least picked up on it before. I am 45 years old.
    I am sorry to say, he , in my perception, does not appreciate or protect my femininity. He is a jock, and the group he associates have as their primary common element sports ie hockey, soccer and known each other for many many years I find their behavior inconsistent with me, soemtimes friendly sometimes not… its very subtle and hard to explain… its like he has been their little “sports” boyfriend (these women are married) and do not appreciate me entering the picture.

    I percieve that sometimes they try, and other times …. well….

    I can assure you its not my imagination. I really do not know how to deal with this, its foreign to me and I don’t understand how women can be catty.. I have my insecurities and issues with confidence, but certainly would not hurt others for it….

    It does not help that he treats me differently when his friends are around, that body language that says, “hey, I’m with her” does not happen when his friends are around… I have confronted him with it, but its still there…

    I really don’t know how to deal with these women…. and quite frankly its not my problem but they are his friends….

    Any suggestions or questions?

    • Kamhar says:

      Sounds like the common scenario of being the scapegoat so people can talk about you but not to you. Been in similar position and it’s not nice. Can only advise to be nice nice don’t trust don’t trust be nice cus they will be digging digging digging. Treating u different when his female friends around tells me he may not be all that great. Sorry

    • Kylee says:

      Hi Jennifer,

      I have been in the same scenario – my boyfriend had a lot of school friend ‘groupies’ as I called them. They seemed to be waiting around for their turn with him. They never got it and when I came along and we decided to have children, they treated me horribly… as if I wasn’t there. They would stare at me and not speak and then go and latch on to him when I’d left the room. I don’t think your guy should be acting like this. He should show these women that he’s your guy, not theirs. Sounds like he’s relying on their worship for his own ego needs. I wouldn’t take it. I gave my guy the ultimatum after two years – me or them. Can’t have both. He chose well. We are married and we don’t see the groupies anymore. I read something lately that I totally related to… “A boy makes his woman jealous of other women. A gentleman makes other women jealous of his woman.” I know this is not your imagination at all. Who cares if they are his friends? Are they real friends if they treat his lady like this? No! Real friends do not act like that. If it’s the worship of his groupies he needs, let him have them. Find someone better. Life’s too short to worry about friends from the past. It’s the woman in his bed now that matters. Good luck.

  • tj90409 says:

    My own mother was the first insecure jealous women I had to deal with, and that set me up to be the fool my entire life (the idiot who is always trying to please, to get people to be nice to me– to be DECENT to me, wondering why women were always so mean to me- what’s wrong with me???!)

    I have encountered maliciousness and viciousness my entire life because YES I am very feminine and YES I am very pretty. I am “soft” all over, physically and emotionally.

    I am so so so sick and tired of being rejected, ridiculed, gossiped and lied about, bullied out of jobs and social scenes SIMPLY BECAUSE I EXIST.
    Women who don’t even know me at all hate me just because I am alive.

    There came a point when I realized just how many women would actually be “happy” if I DIED!
    And that’s what I have experienced my entire life.
    Feeling like if I were dead, people would be pleased.

    My entire life, I have tried hard to diminish myself:
    I would tie back my long pretty hair so other women wouldn’t be evil to me.
    Dress in dull, non-flattering clothes so other women wouldn’t be evil to me.
    Try NOT to succeed or excel so other women (including my mother) wouldn’t be evil to me.
    Be quiet and be ok with doing the dirty work other women wouldn’t be evil to me.
    I’ve even dyed my hair a dull brown so other women wouldn’t be evil to me.
    And when I became very ill and gained weight, I was reluctant to lose the extra pounds because women were slightly less evil to me when I was “fat”.

    But….I don’t care anymore.I can’t care anymore. I know I am a very soft-hearted, kind, tender, loving person. I really have no interest in trying to form friendships with any women again.
    Needless to say, I don’t have any friends. And truly, it’s a relief!

    And it’s really (not) funny to hear that because I stopped caring, stopped trying, stopped bothering with these evil women, I AM NOW CALLED the b-witch. Those women who bullied me out with their gossip and lies and malicious rumors are now going around saying how I’m “not nice” and I “act like a bwitch”.

    (A man-friend mentioned that he’d heard a group of women in my former social club cackling about what a b-witch I’d “become” because I’m not friendly toward them! This mean-girl-club banned together and made things horrible for me and ousted me from the social group. When I realized what they’d done and turned my back on them, I was then gossiped about even more, this time called not just a bwitch but now I’m a stuck up bwitch

    I have recently had 6 months of therapy to help me get over the deep deep pain I have always felt– being HATED because I’m alive, which started with my mother (who sabotaged everything I ever attempted to succeed at.)

    A man once said to me, “You walk in a room and all the men think you’re gorgeous and are dying to be with you” and I said “For every positive reaction I might get from a man, I get a 100 times worse negative reaction from women.” He said very matter-of-factly “Oh, because they’re just jealous”.

    At this point in my life, I have no friends. I’m not close to my family. I didn’t accomplish much as far as following my dreams. I feel I’m too old now. Too old and too tired to keep fighting — for why should I have to struggle and fight just to be me??

    • Yasha says:

      Girl, you just need to say fuck ’em! You’re beautiful and they’re ugly and jealous. Let that keep a smile on your face. God didn’t make too manyof us gorgeous women. Keep smiling! 🙂

      • Anonymous says:

        If you can find one or two real good friends who you can trust, trust me, you are doing well… I have a large social circle, but only a few friends who I can trust, you need to find women who are not competitive, you appreciate you and can learn from you …. that’s how I feel about other women, I can learn from them …. if you are prettier or more talented more confident, that’s great. What you find out it is that they have insecurities just like all of us.

        I am really sorry, I don’t understand why women are this way…. but you can’t control it… its really their problem… its just finding those real good friends.

  • Paulina says:

    I came across a jealous woman and I tried to become friends with her for awhile and was always very nice. I tried to compliment her organisational skills, listened to her while she did all the talking etc. but I still felt she was rude and cold to me and take opportunities to make snide remarks. What should I do? Can anyone possibly pass onto me any advice?

    • Yasha says:

      She’s a hater. Cut her off and keep it moving. Most people who act that way towards you want something you got that they don’t – in your case, it’s beauty. Keep those squares out of your circle!

  • sweetgirl says:

    I am really happy I found this article. I have been really going it through it since i started college. I am a nice sweet girl and i dress really nice and i always have guys like me even though i am not the type to date every guy that likes me i still have dudes like me every semester. I am very reserved and most of the time i am always on campus doing my work minding my business.. I seem to have caught the eye of one of the athletes on campus and boy let me tell you girls really dont like me. They always are talking about me especially to him and i really dont understand what i have done to these girls for them to want to try to make him dislike me. Sometimes i really wished he didnt like me but he seems like a cool guy and i wouldnt mind getting to know him but i really dont want the baggage that comes along with it but this article really helped me to see that i shouldn’t let anyone stand in the way of being happy. I am the type who is nice to everyone so i really didnt understand why girls disliked me so much but i have heard other girls saying how stupid it is that other girls dont like me because the guy likes me so i know i am not in the wrong and it makes me feel so much better. The crazy thing is i am not the one to really care what people say but i kinda feel like telling those girls off but i think i am going to kill them with kindness. I am not going to change who i am or what i deserve because others are intimidated by it.

    • Yasha says:

      YOU NEED TO TALK TO HIM. tHEY’LL BE EVEN MORE JEALOUS. lol THIS IS MY PHILOSOPHY: iF THEY DON’T KNOW ME AND CAN’T STAND ME, I’LL GIVE THEM A REASON! LOL

    • Mary89 says:

      I have done such a mistake: A guy liked me in the college. He was calm, polite & athletic. I wasn t attracted to him at first place, however after a while I decided to give him a chance bcs he was obviously interested in me … but I was sure that nearly all my female classmates would hate me & ignore me if I befriended him. I was sure because I saw how they treated other girls who had a boyfriend in college badly. They turned really angry & gossiped. I lost this occasion and later regretted it. Now I study elsewhere & have no connection with those jealous girls. At worst I had to deal with their jealousy for about a year and afterward I could have a good boyfriend. It was a big mistake. Dont be afraid of jealousy ladies. Do whatever you know is right for yourselves.

  • Leah says:

    Thank you for posting this!! I’m so relieved others have experienced what I’ve dealt with my entire life. I’ve cried to my husband about this so many times, because I always thought there was something wrong with me! I’ve always been confident, and driven but I didnt think that made me unapproachable and uninteresting! 🙁 I can relate to your story about B refuses to fully train you. Every job I’ve had, the women that have trained me have been awful!! They were cold towards me, gave me vague instruction, and would never fully explain anything to me. Everytime I would ask them a question, they would roll their eyes… like ” you’ve been here for two days, and you still dont know how to do everything?!!” It was so frustrating! I feel like its so hard for me to make good female friends. They constantly try to compete with me. I’m very friendly and accepting… I dont dress suggestive or sexy. I wear very conservative clothes,.. I try to show them I’m not competition..however it seems like it doesn’t matter. Women constantly put me down, and are always trying to broadcast my flaws to everyone. Sorry for the long saga… thank you again for the post! I feel better now I know I’m not alone…and that’s its just pure jealousy, and insecurities! 🙂

    • Ro says:

      I’ve had experiences like that training in jobs twice before. At one job, the girl was instantly disliked me upon introduction. I know it’s nothing I’d done since I just met her. Some women are just so rude!

      I started feeling better about all of this when I just stopped caring. Before I would almost be ashamed of my appearance, but know I just do me and if someone doesn’t like it, it’s not my problem. I think if you show them you don’t care about their approval, things will be a lot better.

  • Lucy says:

    Thank you for writing this piece. It has been very hard for me to accept jealousy as truth. I want male friends but they cannot just be friends with me – their words and not mine. Not all women are hateful or mean to me but are “threatened” by me and I don’t do anything intentionally to bring it on. I do not think that I am so attractive and wonderful. I am not perfect. I love and have high esteem for women and men. My integrity means everything to me. It is nice to know that I am in great company. Privilege.

  • D says:

    OMG! I am so glad that we’re discussing this! I have endured this absolute lonely hell all of my entire life, always thinking it was “Me”, blaming myself, & trying to be so nice & kind & friendly to everyone. The “Haters” begin in my own damn family: my mother & my 2 sisters have been insanely jealous, vindictive, back stabbing, cruel & mean to me, it’s not even funny! Then being bullied in junior high school, & women at work, in bars, so called “friends” have been jealous & never happy for me , & YES! they think I’m out to steal their man! I am the most morally honest person that I know, & I would NEVER go after someone’s boyfriend, husband, etc. I use to feel so hurt & insulted by women who thought that. It took me years to figure out it was THEIR insecurity & low self esteem. Even my so-called “best friend” from high school burned me over & over & I never “got it” before. I’m very sensitive & I admit, I’m one of those who in order to win women friends over, I would dress down, not wear make up, not even talk to their men partners, in order to be liked & accepted. I have tolerated & put up with women treating me like absolute S@#%, putting me down, making fun of me, being totally criticized & I’ve put up with it, just to be accepted. I now have a weight problem, because stuffing that food down helps me to fill up that lonely, self loathing that I have. I modeled in the past & I absolutely hated how mean & nasty & jealous the women were. I couldn’t handle it, & I was turned off. Men abuse me emotionally, physically & have been utterly jealous, controlling, all out of being possessive. I can’t even say that I’ve ever had a man that truly loved ME for ME! It’s always been because of my looks & body, & I have never had a man love me for my kind heart. I have major low self esteem issues, & it really is a struggle for me. I am depressed a lot of the time.

    • Rachel says:

      D,

      I am so sorry that you’ve encountered so many jealous and hateful women over the years. I hope that this article helped you to realize to never dim your light for others because they are the ones who are insecure.

      Do you find that you’ve come to expect people to treat you like that due to your past experiences? If so, change your thinking (I know that is difficult) and expect that people will treat you kindly.

      I things start to look up for you!

    • Kylee says:

      Oh D,

      I just wanna give you a big hug. I hear your pain. Love yourself first. I’m trying to. I’m trying to let go of the need to be accepted by women. Bugger them! Why should we question ourselves because horrible women play passive aggressive games to make us feel worthless? Chin up and embrace your beauty again. xxx

    • Elizabeth says:

      I searched out websites like this because, yet again, I have found myself on the receiving end of bitchy women. I can totally relate to the other women thinking you’re after their man thing, as like you I have strong morals and would never attempt to break up a relationship or marriage. Seems dressing nice, being friendly and having a brain makes us promiscuous, evil home wreckers out to destroy other womens’ lives.
      The article is spot on, I’ve noticed that the worst bitchiness comes from butch women.
      The bitchiness doesn’t seem to change either – whether overweight or slim I am still on the receiving end.
      Yet again, my situation has begun this week with just one person. Always is just the one…
      Had to create a group project at work, group of five of us. I have my own business outside of this workplace project, and utilise many of the skills needed in the project on a regular basis in my company, so I’m quite experienced.
      It seemed to begin when I offered my thoughts on how we might approach the task (we all did this) and I initially got a positive response from two of the women in question, one of whom turned out later to be the toxic one. They joked (and I think it was sincere) that I deserved a promotion for the ideas I had suggested. I laughed and said, in a tongue in cheek way, thanks for having such faith in me.
      Now, in my own company, my role is to lead groups of creatives to complete a tangible product that goes onto the public market. The product is tested, modified, discussed, redone right the way through to completion. The process can take weeks/months. Everyone is free to contribute their view on how the product is looking, regardless of primary role. For example non-artists can disagree or offer an alternative option to artists and so on. There is no hierarchy, nobody is superior nor inferior to anyone else, and we work as a team, bringing all our strengths to the table.
      So I thought nothing of offering my suggestion to one of the non-toxic members of my workplace group (one of those who also commented positively on my initial ideas) that we might change some aspects of the project she had worked on.
      Since then, I noticed increasing hostility from one who became toxic, who smiled to my face but then told the ‘criticised by me’ one that she thought her work on the project was fantastic and didn’t need changing, and made sure I saw her say this, on more than one occasion. Frankly it did need changing, it was just fact. Nothing personal, it just needed some minor modification. I work similarly in my company on such projects all the time, and successfully I may add, so I am not entirely clueless. I could see very elementary things that needed changing, that most people would agree with, and they would bring down the whole thing for all of us if they weren’t sorted out. Simple as that.
      But this other toxic woman began to overtly, deliberately give me the virtual v-sign. Everytime I made a suggestion, she woud aggressively defend the work of this other woman, and by the time the project reached completion, she had the whole group bitching about me behind my back, sniggering, laughing etc. Whenever I made the slightest mention of my own company to others (relevantly, not arrogantly) I would get the sniggering or the ‘making eyes’ The most innocuous comment from me is being blown up into ‘she thinks she’s so smart’.
      Quite the Queen Bee she is at the moment… She’s more than a decade younger than me though so at the moment I am seeing her as a little girl who has a lot of growing up to do. If she wants to learn the hard way that you can’t expect to behave like that and get through professional life in one piece, she’s welcome to it.
      I’ve been nothing but nice to her and the others, and very accommodating, even silencing myself so I don’t set them off which I know isn’t right. Just seems I can’t win with some women.
      Part of the reason I became self employed was to try to avoid this stuff, but seems there’s no escape anywhere.
      On the positive side I don’t have to work with them again, so that’s a good thing.
      I’m also considered traditionally pretty and can totally relate to the article, but on this occasion I think it was my brain and expertise that attracted hostility. I’m not in the least bit arrogant either, I’m only being frank about using words like expertise and success because this is anonymous, and I’m telling my story. I’m considered a very warm, kindhearted person by those who know me. I’m the type of person that complete strangers tell their problems and life stories to at bus stops!
      I’m just exhausted from it all, and it made for a very uncomfortable ‘cut the atmosphere with a knife’ end to the project. She glares at me in the most creepy way at times.
      Thank you for a wonderful site x

    • Heather says:

      I share your pain and went through alot of your experiences with women and so called friends. I still have a hard time with alot of the things that happened to me over the years. I have no female friends. Its hard to know who to trust so many are mean to me. I tried being super nice I always was anyway. dressing down, wearing less make up. It helps alittle but they still tear me down. It took me years of listening to Joyce Meyer tapes and get my self esteem back. I gave up on finding any real friends and I’m happy to have a husband , dogs and cats..
      Hugs..

  • Carol says:

    Thank you for the information in your article.
    You have answered many questions about the jealousy of women. I was bullied in my childhood by several girls. The jealousy and bullying continued throughout high school. In college, I encountered less, but there was just a one or two women who were petty and back stabbing. The jealous flared the most when I was in serious relationship with my potential husband and after I was married. I did not know that women that have more beauty, material wealth, and successful careers are jealous of a plain jane.
    Your work situation example was extremely helpful! Definitely bookmarking for future reference!

    • Elizabeth says:

      This is something I find happens a lot, and it’s quite sad actually. Most of the women who have targeted me, even the one that led me to this site today, are at least on a par with me in terms of capability and/or beauty and they have absolutely no need to be insecure at all. No matter how many compliments I pay them, how nice I am to them, they remain cold, detached, nasty and pay lip service to my attempts at getting along.

  • Arista says:

    my name is Arista I have a co-worker that I work with, and she is always taking cheap shots but it has always been regarding a man that i’m with. I was going to the ladis room one day and she said you almost knock me down to get to that man mind you i was going to the ladies room not to see a man. I got roses one day and she yelled out loud oh i thought those roses came from the womens husband you were with I’m like WOW!! this female is dangerous, and sick with jealousy. So today it was just me and her and she say’s I was thinking about you last night and I’m so happy for you girl I’m like what you just said yesterday you love laughing at my expense now which one is it nutcase, but never the less she does not get under my skin i ignore her everyday and keep it moving she may get a good morning and have a nice evening i just don’t have time to entertain nut cases.

  • Lena says:

    My mother’s jealousy and the jealousy of my three step-sisters almost ended my life. I am an attractive, medium-maintenance 45 year old who puts in a little more effort than most to reap the reward of dashing good looks. My step-sisters used to browbeat me into submission and I just figured it was because I was intruding on their territory, that is, their father whom I have never liked. My mother has gone out of her way to sabotage any happiness I have ever achieved, only because I am pretty. She has put poisonous substances into my expensive cosmetics. She has added butter and salt to my food when I am not looking. She has cancelled hair appts behind my back and unstitched parts of my lovely clothes, which would cause a major wardrobe malfunction in public. She would then ridicule me in front of everyone for being so “shabby”. None of her friends liked me. She had me convinced I was a loser in life even though I have worked,played and studied hard. Nothing I did would appease her and the more I believed that I was crap the more suicidal I became.

    I have had nothing to do with any of them for five years.

  • Alice says:

    I’ve encounter numerous unfair treatments from females and do not understand why as they tried so hard to make you believe it’s the internal problem which results in ill treatments from them, but the article make me realised instead of receiving graciousness of compliments for the good qualities I have, I receive mean treatments. It’s the ugly head of jealousy that caused inflictions.

  • Alice says:

    I have noticed I am a targer but I also identify with feeling intimidated by other women who are softer or more feminine. Not jealousy, kind of like I find it hard to communicate with them as I feel they are sensitive and do not want to hurt their feelings. I am dealing with a woman where I live who has it in for me. She hates me and will do anything to drive me out. She is a jealous, manipulative aggressive woman who has a vendetta against me. Now I know it is jealousy.

  • Bri says:

    Please advise!!
    After reading this blog I believe I am one of those women who, although not a great beauty, men seem to be attracted to me. I am 45, petit 5’1”, dress well, honest, soft spoken, open and nonjudgmental. Women have said to me..I wish I was that thin, petit…blah blah blah. None of those things matter…it’s the inside that counts with me!! So I am going to throw this out here and please feel free to comment/suggest/read-into the following scenario:

    1. I have been seeing a male friend for some time now. I thought his daughter and i got on pretty well as we both have similar parenting styles and often swap tales and tips. I have even babysat for her when she needed to go to the Dr. My problem started several months ago when he asked me to quickly text her and tell her we were on our way…she replied back that “Oh now i have to communicate through his mother”. This is the first little “feeling” i got that she was experiencing some emotion that was not healthy towards me. There were a few more texts and i laughed them off and ignored them… I never said anything to the dad either. As a side line, he told me his last relationship ended because the gal was jealous of his and his daughter’s relationship.
    2. Jump forward a little bit and now he doesn’t invite me to his grandson’s sports games and I am no longer invited to family things…
    3. Jump to yesterday. We were supposed to take the kids to a local video game place to play video games. She actually texted him to see if I was going to, to help keep track of the kids. She is firm in that she packs what they are to eat when with him (he likes to treat them to a little junk) and also what types of games to play; no shooting to kill people games. We are all out buckling the children into the car seats and I say that we will want to leave the gun in the truck when we go to the video place. So Gpa pipes up and says sarcastically, “yeah we don’t want to take a gun into a place where we will be playing shooting games”. I just smiled and asked if there was anything the kids were grounded from. She says nastily, “Yeah, video games with shooting to kill people”! I could tell there was tension in the air after this little exchange but we managed to get on the road and then the youngest baby (4) decides that he needed sun glasses so we backed up to the drive and Gpa says to go grab some glasses from the daughter. I knocked and stepped in the garage door and asked for glasses and she came at me and was at least 12 inches from my face saying…no, yelling;
    “WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?
    I said, I don’t know…what?
    “YOU PURPOSELY STARTED THAT WHOLE SITUATION WITH THE GUN”
    I said “I didn’t start anything”
    “NOW NOT ONLY DO I HAVE TO FIGHT WITH MY FATHER ABOUT THIS I HAVE TO FIGHT YOU TOO” I CAN’T HAVE BOTH OF YOU DEFYING ME, I CAN’T HANDLE IT! SO WHAT THE F__K WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?”
    “I don’t know what you’re talking about…I am sorry if I have said something to upset you”
    “YOU D__N RIGHT IM UPSET” I THOUGHT YOU UNDERSTOOD MY STANCE ON GUNS, THAT NURF GUNS AND TOY GUNS ARE DIFFERENT THAN GUNS SHOOTING TO KILL PEOPLE?”
    “I do and I agree, my own children only played with nurf guns”
    SO YOU ARE SAYING YOU MISPOKE? “
    No, I didn’t, I really don’t know… but I am sorry for anything that you might have misconstrued, it was your father that said something about the shooting”
    She whips past me and out the garage to flip her hand at her dad…I get in the truck and he asks,” What’s the matter now”? I said “I guess she wants to talk to you. She just raked me over the coals dropping the f bomb too”. He just rolled his eyes and went inside….after a bit her husband comes outside and proceeds to get the kids out of the car seats and asks them to go inside with him for a little bit. I just looked at him and said “I am sorry; I don’t know what that was all about”. After the Gpa gets a chewing he comes out and takes me back home, I said what did she say that was about? He tells me that she said “I was arguing with her and she will not put up with it”. So evidently his choice was to (babysit) get time with the babies, only if he took me home. Of course I was upset…it was like a scene out of Jerry Springer.
    My friend tells me the daughter gets mad because he isn’t ready to babysit at the drop of a hat for her, I am assuming, after adding up the past ugliness that she thinks we are doing something and so he is not available. He says he doesn’t just sit around waiting for her to call and that he has his own life. And, the only time she calls is FOR a babysitter. If he asks to have the kids she makes stipulations and often it has to coincide with a time that they want to go out. Here is the kicker….they sell thousands of dollars a month and he doesn’t take a salary, everything goes to her to pay business bills and in her pocket. He keeps nothing for himself but does odd jobs for spending money and uses a “joint” business card when/if he goes out (she tracks his purchases and phone) and makes comments on his food choices. I pay my half so we are on an even keel there…One more thing, he told me months ago that his building payment went up $700 and when I asked why, he said he thought it was because of taxes. I said that usually if it is taxes it would go up $25-$75, not $700. In the state we live in there is public information and it would look like “someone” took out a large amount of money from the equity on the building and the building is not in his name. He would like to sell the building and retire but he thinks that he only owes half of what he really owes. I know this and don’t have the heart to tell him that he has NOTHING. I guess if we no longer see each other (because of the daughter) I could leave the printout of the document for him to find. He will be 68 tomorrow.
    I care about him and we have fun and are companionable…I don’t want anything from him but that companionship, that’s all we are about right now. Sorry this was so long….it feels good to get it down on paper

  • Night-Blooming-Jasmine says:

    Hi All,

    It is quite soothing to know that there are several of us who are having to face the jealousies of other women. That probably makes us one hot group!! Haha.

    Anyways, I just wanted to share that I just had several men fight over me recently and this is what I found out….that men are also extremely jealous of each other. They will go to any lenghts to lie about and subvert each other. They will literally do anything to promote themselves over other men when it comes to a woman they want. So take heart, I guess the beauty is a blessing that comes with the price of having to endure jealousy of other women. As you can see there are many of us here in similar situations. Don’t let the actions of other women or men affect the beauty that rests in your soul and thank God every day for the beauty he has gifted you with. God is a just God….and he will balance the scales of justice in the end. Stay pure.

    Love.

  • Delani says:

    I love everyone’s comments. I on the other hand have had women dislike me since I was a teen. I am not a Halle Berry….I see myself as average. All problems for me have been in the work place. My mother has told me on occasion that the women I chose to call “friend”, really were jealous. I never wanted to see what she saw, nor could I. Jealousy and envy were not in my vocabulary, so I always missed the signs. I don’t feel like I have anything more than anyone else. My childhood was a fright mare, and I worked hard for everything I ever had.

    About 3 years ago, I was asked to take a promotion. I applied for the position. A female whom I considered a dear friend (co-worker) told me that I would not get promoted because my soon to be boss, wouldn’t want me to dress better than she would. I found the comment to be insane. To my chagrin, it was the dear friend who didn’t want me to get promoted, because of the nice clothes I would be wearing to work. I didn’t get the job the first time, but the second time was a charm. Needless to say, after a few more displays of beige blindsided by the whole jealousy envy saga, I terminated the friendship. That pissed her off even more. So she resorted to gorilla tactics, by getting other females in the work place to stop speaking to me, and went even further as to instruct them not to seek me out if they needed assistance. They were not allowed to acknowledge my position of authority, supervisory capacity. It’s a wild scene. But I just hold my head high, and continue to come to work, dressed professionally.

    Did I mention that the haters, at least 2 of them, I find to be more attractive than I am?

  • Miss M says:

    I have had women hate me most of my life after puberty that is even my own mother. I never knew what I had in my that made other women so hostile. I mean I was just being myself and i am a very nice person. I had women scream there head off at me, refuse to allow me to have a break, fire me and laugh. Gang up and try to fight me at work. All the while men seems to just adore me, and make me feel as if I am all of that. Which I could never understand until your article. But, I must say the hardest thing of all is when your own mother is jealous of you, it is so sad for the both if us.

  • Ro says:

    Been experiencing this my whole life. I used to hate going to school because the she-males would torment me from the time that I stepped off the bus onto the campus until it was time to go home. According to them, I was the ugliest, most nappy headed, raggediest thing walking and it was their god given duty to make sure that I knew it. Of course, in later years I found out that they felt the exact opposite and that was the real reason for their venom. The old hate continues to this day. But I am not the shy flower I used to be. If they want to be eaten up with jealousy about whatever- that’s their probelem. Hate on haters.

  • m says:

    Definitely true. If you are beautiful, it’s women, not men, who keep each other down. Insecurity is what it is.

  • India Harvey-Beckinsale says:

    I love this article and I feel the comments made too!

  • Rosa says:

    Hey Renee,

    You story about the workplace is very similar to mine. I have in more that one occasion come across such a woman as you have described, whom immediately upon meeting me disliked me. I did nothing to cause any animosity between us, so I know it was not my fault. They all fit the same profile of an insecure, cynical woman. These women sneer and poke fun of women who display femininity, adopting a masculine attitude while rejecting their feminine traits because they perceive them as weak. You confirmed alot of thing of things for me. Thanks for the article.

  • Anna says:

    In this life the best lesson i have learned is- NO ONE IS GOING TO LOVE YOU MORE THEN YOU LOVE YOURSELF- a man can fill us up, but the old saying is YOU HAVE TO FILL THE OTHER HALF OF YOUR CUP UP FIRST, because a man aint going to fill your entire cup up himself!- A true women is Brave, she is strong, she is not weak, but she is feminine at the same time. If you look at women in the 18th century novels,etc. cinderalla, they were actually pretty brave and STRONG women, they were not timid little ‘feminine’ women at all, they faced some pretty dark and frightening ordeals ON THEIR OWN FIRST, before they met their ‘OTHER HALF- so thats all im going to write for now- …………..just some little mysterious words of wisdom for you to ponder on!…hope its helped a bit…..

  • didoleaf says:

    I am so happy and relieved to find an explanation for the things I felt all my life. I experienced not one but many of the things that are mentioned in the article but also things that are described by people here. Till school, I dont remember running into jealousy problems with girls. I simply was an ugly duckling and things were fine. An year after I began college, the problems started, as the ugly duckling metamorphized to a better looking college-goer. There was this friend who was constantly jealous of me, though she was definitely way better than me financially or academically. I simply didnt know why. When I moved to higher studies, I remember the way the friendship with my then best friend took a nasty turn when I got through a scholarship to fund my studies. It came across to her as some kind of shock, like I hid the scholarship announcement information from her. The truth is I applied for this even before commencing my studies, i.e., even before knowing her. Also she couldnt even qualify to the scholarship coz the thing was open to students from the low-income families. I remember how another friend who was actually the most brilliant at school, more successful at college than any of us, grew jealous years later when I got through an academic stipend stuff after university. She was even anxious/agitated when I announced my marriage. I remember how she ‘had to’ announce her wedding few months after mine. Whereas I was genuinely happy for these woman when they were a success, they simply couldnt stand me holding the torch when I deserved to. I also ran into problems with such a relative-in-law who simply can accept a new woman in the family. She constantly compares her career (lack of it), baby, wealth and all the rot with mine. It simply sucks. She successfully dominates the entire conversation in a family meet up (where I am the only woman her age, rest are men and older woman) and I feel like hiding under the table. The women I seem to rub in the wrong way are I realized these women who want to be strong and independent in a masculine way or who are afraid of me stealing their limelight or typically alpha females. I put up with their competing attitude, try to play a bit low. But then why the hell should I when they seem to be wanting to never change their attitude. May be one should get on a masculine mode sometimes and confront such woman who are waiting to trample woman like us who are jus naturally more feminine. Loved this article. Thanks a lot 🙂

  • Lenka says:

    I’m proud to be a beautiful, intelligent and successful woman. I have a female friend who says to me that she is my best friend and I am like her sister. But her words don’t match up her actions. She seems to dwell onnegativity and is happy to listen to negativity but when I want to share anything happy or positive that has happend to me she doesn’t seem to want to listen. She will find any excuses to cut me off if I am chatting to he ron the phone. Otherwise she yu cannot get her off the phone. For example, when I passed my final accountacy exams I called to tell her; she didn’t even congratulate me and said “i’m busy let me call you back”. I didn’t hear from her for days. I called her several times but she didn’t pick up. Similar issues each time I told her that I have met a nice guy, I got a promotion or I am applying for a new job. However, you tell her that someone has dumped you, that you have money problems or that you are depressed she seems to enjoy talking. Moreover, I am a very positive person, she deliberately attempts to destroy my spirit by telling me that I have negative energy in my environment and that she thinks someone has done a black magic on me. I told her several times not to tell me these things because i don’t believe in these subjects. So the other day, I reversed my tactics with her and told her that someone may have done black magic on her as she seems to have a regular problem with work issues. She replied ” nah hun I don’t believe in it ” !!! She has a weight problem and I am slim. She asks me to go on her facebook and make nice comments on her photos which I do to please her but she has never even made a verbal comments about my photos.

    She is secretive about her own plans and always want to know what I am doing. She has met all my friends. I have never met any of her friends she keep thems at distance including her boyfriend about whom she used to chat to me 8 hours a day since 2007.

    She is also very fake and and comes across as ingenuine. I know her since 2002 and feel now that I have to cut her out of my life.

  • Bunny says:

    I totally relate. I had a “friend” who constantly hounded me to do things with her etc. I did on occasion but then found out that everything I did and everything I said was copied by her. I got a new car, she got the same kind of car; I bought a house, she bought one near me…the list goes on and on. We worked together, which is where we met. At work, she copied me down to my mannerisms and how I spoke on the phone with people. It started to get scary. I pulled away from her but that made things even worse. She spread stories about me and told other co-workers that I spoke badly of them etc. I never did but started getting the cold shoulder from these people. It was pure hell. I tried talking to her and she would not admit what she was doing to me. I started taking college classes and did not tell her. When I asked for an evening off of work, she asked the manager why I wanted it off. He told her I had classes. Sooooo, long story short, since she could not or would not copy what I was doing with classes, she tried to destroy me. It was horrible. I quickly found another job and never spoke with her again. I do see her drive by my home here and there, but I will not hesitate to call the police if it continues. Some women are horrible bitches and
    the lengths they go to shocks me.

  • lindsey says:

    In theory this sounds as if it could be true, but my experience of life has been very different. First i will say that im a lesbian.

    I am masculine inwardly for the most part, but do feel that i have a feminine side. I do not own on dress, skirt, item of make up, anything pink etc. I am also proud of this fact. But still a lot of my clothes are out of the womens as i look around for womens clothes that look like mens! That way i get them to fit me and still show who i am in a gendered sense. Most people assume im straight and i went through a phase where i thought that having a feminine side was what made some women not like me.

    I was also convinced that i could change my own persona when ever i wanted, from masculine to feminine but never could be both as the same time as they could cancel each other out, so i thought. When i switched to masculine mode i could be wearing the same clothes, but people would treat me different and even ask my gender. I spent my youth trying to work out why i appeared to be able to switch gender, at first i could not control the switching over, then i gained control, then i aimed at building a bridge between the two.

    My own mother did not like my feminine side, and responded to her with envy, while my masculine side appeared to get on with her. It was odd, i myself identifyed with my masculine side and liked been it the most, so much so i wanted to become a man, i liked the way men felt threatened by it, and also the way other women appeared not to. My masciline side could stay around for 3 years, then my feminine side would appear suddenly and my whole way of thinking change, also how others treat me reversed, with women starting to be repeled and men attracted. She was also more emotional, so i found myself being hurt easy when im used to being thick skinned and independent. After a year or two i would feel the change again, like an energy entering and another leaving. I would go back to masculine mode, but before the change i would find my clothing tastes changing in preperation. Suddenly my feminine side would start buying more masculine clothes, in these days that was my only sign as i had not learned to control the changing of my gender.

    After the change my mood posture tastes in food activitys would shift and at the change i would have lots of energy. At age 25 i still had not spoken to anyone about this, as i thought i had something wrong with me. I felt as if i had lived in some way as both genders and had two personas in me that were battaling to rule. I wanted my masculine side to be my persona as it was nicer and i was afraid of my feminine side and her emotional intensity. But at age 25 i also decided i would try to link them or make them more the same so that the switching over would not give me a personality transplant every few years. I did this by trying to make my feminine side more masculine, and my masculine side more feminine, as i thought that if they could see things from the same angle they might pull together and work together. It bagan to work, and the thing that happened was my switching over happened more often, it went from years to months, to weeks, then to hours, until i became aware of switching every minute, then one day they clicked together and i became aware of a state of mind i had never had before, like being nither masculine or feminine and at the same time being both. The best way of describing it is my thought patterns and emotions becoming the same, thinking and feeling became no longer divided but the same.

    The thing i realised from it was both wanted the same thing, i did not loose my masculine side by allowing my feminine side in. If anything it has been made stronger.

    In the years i did move between the two, i noticed some men are attracted to masculinity in a woman.

  • Deanna says:

    something i need help with, too, is overcoming my own jealousy. i think a lot of it is residual insecurity from when i forced myself to be very masculine and saw all of the feminine women being treated so much better than me… there are some very feminine women that i am so jealous and resentful of. Especially when i see how sweet and tender my boyfriend is to them. but the other thing, too, is that sometimes it feels like a competition. even with those very sweet feminine women, who have boyfriends and don’t want my boyfriend, it feels like they are competing with me for his attention, like they have a right to it. and they get it. partially because i just don’t know how to compete like that, and partially because i get so mad that i think “why bother, its not worth it, if thats what he wants them he’s welcome to it, i shouldn’t have to compete for attention from my own boyfriend, etc., etc., etc., and just not having any idea how to cope with the situation, and ignoring them and getting filled with jealousy and resentment… i don’t know how to overcome this! does anyone have advice, or experience with this?

    • Jackie says:

      Hi Deanna
      You didn’t mention what part of the world you live in so I will assume you live in a westernized country. If you do, I can completely relate to the masculine attitudes (i.e. feminism) that have been shoved down our throats for the past 40 years. How I changed MY attitude-which changed my feelings-is to finally acknowledge that I was taught to trade my true feminine power for the delusion of feminist power, which is just that: a delusion of grand proportions with nothing to offer except lies. Of course, by the time you’re in your 40’s and figure all this out, you’ve wasted the best years of your life on pointless pursuits and in relationships without true intimacy or depth. Once I let my femininity shine through, my husband changed and is happier than I’ve ever seen him. I’m the “bread winner” right now but I do everything in my feminine power to make sure he feels like a man and is not minimized because he doesn’t have an income.

      My mother will be a feminist to her dying day. I refuse to follow in her fated footsteps (she and my father hate each other) but I believe I’ve helped my younger sister see the error of her ways. Reclaim the femininity you were born with, Deanna, and don’t let miserable womens’ opinions or nastiness take it away EVER again. Be bold with your feminine power when forced but keep in mind, most women will hate you for it.

      Lastly, might I suggest you check out videos on sensuality by Patty Contenta? She’s on YouTube under Sensuality Secrets. She does some great video clips for women on how to be sensual. I think these might be of great help in getting over jealousy. You’ll learn the secrets and they do WORK. Trust me.

    • ella says:

      Deanna,
      oh yes… I have had female friends who were so feminine… and Hanging out with them, i often felt like a pair of old shoes… they just had this thing that i didn’t… I was more about the mind, and the conversations. She new how to flirt and engage them- touch them… smile. I have learned some of this, but some of it still feels like an act to me.
      best,
      Ella

  • Jeannie says:

    Dear Anna,
    My ex husband was also into porn. I had large breasts. I think there is more to the porn stuff then large breasts. Men are very visual as are some women. I was shocked to read about 2 years ago where some 30 percent of Christian women admitted to looking at porn.
    I had size 40 dd breasts and had a reduction in Feb. We large breasted women can also feel very insecure.We want people to see us and not our breasts.
    There are some things you can do that MAY give you an instant self esteem boost. Victorias Secret has a bra called a bombshell bra. It is VERY padded and will give instant cleavage. I pray that the women reading this will simply understand I am trying to be helpful and not curt. I used to buy plain old underclothing then one day my best friend showed me some of her cute underwear. I went to VS and TJ Maxx and bought sexy underwear and bras. Oh my what a difference. I felt instantly better. It didnt matter that the public didnt see it I DID and you know what? We deserve to feel good about ourselves.I know these are simply material things but after a short while I really started feeling better about myself.
    Another note please read the blog called The Art of being Feminine. It has also helped me alot and been a real Blessing to my life.I am currently taking one of her courses and if I had the money I would take ALL of them. YES they are THAT helpful. This blog and that one are my faves.

    • jasmin says:

      @Anna,

      Have you considered breast augmentation? Most surgeons offer financing and it might help boost your confidence! One thing to remember–the surgery usually has to be redone at some point. I haven’t done it, but if I felt the way that you do I would not hesitate.

      @Jeannie,

      It’s my understanding that Ms. Dean has finally turned her Art of Femininity site into a Christian based blog. Over time it was becoming obvious that she had a strong desire to promote her religious views on her site. Of course that is her right, but at that point she lost me as a subscriber because I’d rather not mix the two subjects.

  • Anna says:

    But what if you are the one who is jealous- because every other woman seems to be more of a woman simply because they actually have breasts? I am a 28 year old female who would die to have a feminine figure- how do you overcome real body flaws? And no comments about how “at least men pay attention to you as a person”, etc because a lot of flat women would love to catch a man actually looking at their chest. I am jealous all the time and don’t know how to get over it. I feel like an incomplete woman. Especially when my husband who says my breasts look great is into porn with huge chested women. It breaks my heart.

    • Perskaya01 says:

      I really, really feel for you. It breaks my heart to read your post. Men truly have no idea what it does to their partners to look at porn and still claim to “want” you…it’s not innocent, and it always has consequences. I wish I could give you a hug right now… 🙁

      I’m newly remarried, and my husband knows the rules–absolutely no porn, no leering, etc. It’s an issue of respect; not just when I’m around, but also when I’m not. He knows this, and he knew it was something I drew the line on very early on. I also hold myself to the same standards–I wouldn’t appreciate him flirting with another woman or joking around about how good someone looks with others, and so I would never consider doing the same about a guy. Respect and love (including sex) all starts in your head, so I always look to him as the fulfillment of my desire.

      I would encourage you to draw a line and demand some respect (in a nice way). That also means that you have to be willing to engage in some very open and honest dialogue to ensure his needs are met. I’m not saying do what you feel is uncomfortable, but you do need to talk and you do have to have a heart that is willing to make him feel desired and loved. *Mutual* sexual satisfaction has to become a priority for both of you.

  • Sonja says:

    I think you’re right in saying that women get jealous of feminine ones. The ones who hated me the most were poor imitations of femininity…they often dressed in a butch way, or in a sloppy and uncreative fashion. They were also very tall or fat, not exactly dainty looking. They had no sympathy for me, they were simply extremely vicious to me without even bothering to get to know me. They didnt want to stand next to me, likely because that would make them seem ugly in comparison. They just hated me, pulling faces and glaring at me whenever they could, throwing satisfied glances at me when they could be seen with men. I started to think maybe they did think i was ugly..but then later I accepted that it must have been jealousy. They were jealous because I was cute and sweet, the kind of person others seem to gravitate to and trust ( not to sound conceited, but that’s how it is ).

    • jasmin says:

      @Sonja

      I can understand where you are coming from–on the other hand, I’m 5’9, slender and wear a size 11 shoe, but I am also VERY feminine. I LOVE being tall. Height has little to do with femininity. I’ve seen some very petite, unattractive, mannish women. BTW, my hubby is 6’3.

    • jrd says:

      Oh my goodness.

  • TT says:

    So grateful for being able to read this. At work, a very brash and angry woman ranted at me in a meeting. She could not say what the problem was with me but only called me a lot of names. When she said that I walked around like I was superior, I knew it was jealousy and explained that some see it as superior and some will see it as confidence. She was still angry. I’m so proud to have maintained my calm.

    • jasmin says:

      @TT

      So true,TT. Often when someone tells you that you act like you are above them, they are only projecting their own feelings of inadequacy.

  • Deb says:

    So glad you published this! I’ve been there, more as an adult, and grown into my feminity, could never put a label on it though! It had gotten to the point, I’ve had married women getting catty and possessive over my guy/boyfriend because I took him away as their friend/confidante that boosted their ego as a woman! Since I have left those relationships with the guys (they would defend the women and didn’t see their jealousy) I found my soulmate! And one of the things he describes me as, he LOVES my femininity, says I have my own special walk and movement that he loves :). Now that’s love!

  • Syma says:

    Recently I’ve just dropped several friends, cut them out of my life in utter exasperation that they can never be happy for my success, though I am always so thoroughly happy for them. I always thought if I was more loving, kinder, more supportive they would change, but that seemed to make them worse! This was so hard to do as I really value loyalty, but with the support of my boyfriend I just finally cut the ties.

    It’s amazing that at 37 years old, for the first time in my life, I’ve realised other peoples jealousy is something that has plagued me since I was a child. It’s been so painful to lose friend after friend, when I am a very giving and supportive person, but because I’m quiet talented and brave in following my dreams others always seem to envy me, though like everyone I have plenty of difficulties.

    However I really feel this is the beginning of a new life for me, it’s very poisonous to have people close to you, who do not have your best interests at heart. I feel safe finally, and now I’m aware of the signs I will be able to chose my friends more carefully. THank you so so much for your article XXXX

    • Roses says:

      sigh… I recently had a friend just ct herself off from me, and I have gone through the mourning on that… I think she needs a really big stage… I though she was beautiful and talented and so many other good things… BUt somehow for some reason she is just GONE. and I think its about this inability to see her own goodness… and that is so sad… I thought like you , if i was positive, and could share her joy… but no.
      Roses

  • JLynn says:

    Wow. I have never heard anyone tell a story like that. I have had this happen so many times and I would so rather ignore it than deal with it! I just assumed I was the most sensitive person alive 🙂 A family member is this way towards me and I’ve learned to be more assertive with her but boy is it tough! Thanks for sharing <3

  • Monica B. says:

    Realist…I’m not sure what you’re implying because everyone seems to be pretty honest about their experiences. You sound kind of bitter.

    I don’t believe that Renee defines a woman’s worth by whether she has a man in her life. That isn’t the point of this discussion.

    The fact is that we live in a very sexist world. Some women are insecure and they will project their insecurities onto women who are prettier, sexier, nicer, smarter, more confident, more feminine, etc.

    Women need to unite and stop hating one another. We need to appreciate the beauty, talent, and special gifts within all of us so that we can appreciate these qualities in others.

    I agree with the rest of you…femininity is wonderful! 🙂

    • Roses says:

      Women need to unite and stop hating one another. We need to appreciate the beauty, talent, and special gifts within all of us so that we can appreciate these qualities in others.

      Right on! we need to celebrate each other as wonderful! Stop all the violence in comparision. share the good things! Its called sympathetic joy, and can be a great feeling, being happy for others success.

    • jrd says:

      Monica B. says: “Women need…to stop hating one another.”

      That would be my wish.

  • twinkle says:

    About feminine women: they don’t even have to be classicaly beautiful–after my father died, my mom decided to be active..she had at least 2 men propose to her in her 70’s. My sister who was pretty, i think, could get none. I think there is too many people that are single–there is no shortage of men who have a decent woman if he has a good job–there are too many single women for the population

  • Realist says:

    Why do I get the feeling that there’s more to some of these stories than what people are letting on?

    Renee, do you define a woman’s worth by whether she has a man in her life?

  • Jeannie says:

    Hi stefanie,
    Thanks for the advice. I did take desert and a salad last week. When this ladies children asked for desert I simply asked their mom to serve it to her children if she wanted too.It worked beautifully.
    After class we went to the park. This lady,the teacher our children etc. I set down with the teacher and was talking to this mom and it was just the 3 of us while the children were playing. The mom kept trying to get me to leave by saying arent you going to go walk? I decided that I didnt want to walk like I usually do and you all will be proud to hear I stood my ground and did not leave.

  • sharon says:

    HI Renee – thanks for a great post. Yes, I have come to realise why I was never popular with the girls at school. One of the reasons is my mum left the family home in my early childhood, hence I missed my role model for female relations.

    I’m naturally feminine, and it occured to me the other day how most of the girls in high school were very masculine acting. Acting tough, not showing their emotions, or if you showed emotions you were called out for being soft. I hid my light, repressed my femininity and tried to be the “strong, independent woman”. That mask wasnt me. The real me is feminine, strong yet gentle, classy, refined and sensual. I vow to show my light and show that I am now a beautiful, feminine woman inside and out!

  • stefanie says:

    Hey Jeannie, she sounds like she has ‘issues’!

    I agree that if a woman asks you not to feed her children, that is her right (even if it is more out of spite than for the well-being of said children). So I’d not give the kids anything anymore.

    I’d personally go to this teacher and ask him if he would prefer you not to take any food for anyone anymore. Then simply do as he says. I have been a teacher and I would find it just too sad to see two children left out because of petty quarrels, so I’d be more comfortable with none of the children having any, because it’s really not a necessity. It is worse for 2 kids to feel left out, than for 20 kids not to have a party.

    Staying very slim in this day and age, living in the Western world, takes a lot of effort and restrictive, strict self-control(unless you have a hyper thyroid, or are on crack, or etc… etc…) and this woman probably has a very emotional and restrictive attitude toward food. She might feel very uncomfortable seeing all this stuff – it’s hard for her not to eat it (because she has instincts too). And then there is this blatantly HEALTHY woman who is not neurotic about her curves just going around making all this stuff! The horror! It must be pretty hard on her. And then she has this job to give her some sense of self-worth and there is this homemaker NOT EVEN feeling nearly as worthless as she feels. It’s unbearable!

    You probably can’t help her have a healthy attitude about food and life anyway, but you can at least distance yourself from it and stay relaxed. If these discussions would continue, that would only lead to the children becoming very uptight about food too (having desserts once a week does not a fatty make, but they will worry about it).

    Also, I know even when you get 20 compliments, the one snide remark can still make you feel so insecure. That’s the power of the bully… So make sure you surround yourself with 100 positive influences to counteract this one!

    Hope that helped 🙂

  • Jeannie says:

    Hi,
    Just wanted to update everyone on what happened this past Saturday.I would also love some advice on how to deal with this lady so she will stop the snide remarks.This past Sat I made salad again along with chocolate cake and I also brought ice cream.When it was time to give the children desert their mom “gave me the look over” you know the one that’s supposed to put you in your place. She is very slim where I am an hourglass. She then told me to please not feed her children anymore desert because they go home every Saturday so full they won’t eat anything else for the rest of the day and she does not want them to get fat.I told her we only do this on the weekend as I am also strict about my childrens diet.The problem is that she was very snide when she said this and looked my body over like she found me VERY distasteful.To make matters worse this was said in front of her friens another female also of slender build and the teacher.
    A friend of mine advised me to simply keep bringing the food as the teacher and students enjoy it.She said I could serve the other children and simply tell her two children that they will need to have their mother serve them IF she want’s them to have any.Yes this is the same women I mentioned above.

  • Debbie H, UK says:

    What a fantastic, tell it as it is’ essay. I enjoyed reading all the comments as well. I googled this topic as I finally realised after years of finding women (and men)cold towards me and questioning why I got stick and nastiness from people for no rational reason, that it was jealousy. My mother has always told me I will get this, but I felt that people would give me fair go in life if I used my brain. Sadly, they dont.

    In my last job though,I had a woman who was very manipulatve towards me and clearly wanted me out of the way as she felt threatened by me. I stood up for my self and took up a formal grievance against her, but with office politics….it didn’t go anywhere. It’s not so easy to challenge things that are done covertly and psychologically.
    All you can do is not let it turn you into a nasty freak in return and be very guarded about who you let into your life and get to know. There are a few people in this world who will put aside your femininity, looks or intelligence and see you are a good person underneath. Those are the ones we have to entertain.

    • Bernie says:

      @Debbie H:

      I thought I was the only one in the world who felt this way and had actually been exposed to (never a victim) the insecurities of a co-worker who would go to any length to try to discredit not only your work, but also your intelligence, your ability to interact with all types of people and just because you refused e to stoop to their level of back-stabbing, two-facing, etc. I am very cautious in dealing with women for the very same reasons that you also mentioned. Catty doesn’t even begin to describe their evil behavior.

  • Renee says:

    @Tracy: Thanks for your kind words!

    @Jeannie: That sounds really frustrating! Your role as a stay-at-home mum and wife is fantastic.

    This other woman must instinctively perceive the real value added by you in bringing all this food, and the effect this has on a man. I think lots of women would like to work less and stay at home more with their children and be a stay-at-home wife.

    Some just fear going to that role because society makes it somewhat “less” than a career-woman’s role.

    • Catherine says:

      Agreed. I wish us women could embrace each other more! Thank you Renee for sharing your wisdom and love for women.. I love how in this article you even write how to help jealous women know their worth.

  • Jeannie says:

    I am currently dealing with a women I “thought”was my friend. My children are involved in a weekly class and I am like “mom”to the class. I am a stay at home mom and wife. This is MY choice and I LOVE it. The other mom has a “JOB” which she informs me of almost every week in front of our very handsome male teacher.
    I bring in desserts and salads every week the teacher tells me thanks and smiles at me every time.Then the other mother will get snarky with me and say will Jeannie you have ALL the time in the world to do these things but ” I WORK”.Now mind you in front of the other moms and children she says how great I am for doing this but when its just the teacher myself and her she makes the snide remarks.

  • PrincessFuschia says:

    I experienced what they call ‘social bullying’ by not only jealous women (invariably the Queen Bees would be the married women – protecting their daughter’s interests) but also jealous men.

    A bully is a bully no matter their gender. They try to re-dress their power of what was taken away from them – by taking it away from others who they perceive to be more vulnerable. I was in tears for 5 years until I understood this. I guess – I am clueless about my femininity and this did disarm them, especially when eligible suitors would show interest in talking with me because I am a bit ‘exotic’.

    Yes – if you can, stand up for yourself. But I had an impossible task because the conspirators – to this day have zipped their lips when I tried to deal with the matter. The frustration was ridiculous so I moved back to the other side of the world and healed myself. I regained the self love and self respect and now as happy as before I met these wiley women/men. You can’t help but feel sorry for these miserable people with unhealthy self-esteem. They are so missing out on a world of self-love.

    Time and distance is the best healer too. I may cross paths with these ones in the near future – but being truly happy and living well is the best way to deal with them. I have lost a potential love – but people can believe what they want to believe. I have set him free. If he really loves me I am sure that if there’s a will there will be a way. He has to see the contrast for himself and work out what he really wants.

    The sum of all this – return the love to yourself and save your tears on these mean women/men – wasted energy. Living well and staying true to your happy self is the best way to deal with jealous people 🙂

  • stefanie says:

    I was never bullied, but I have had many experiences with jealousy from friends. With some of them, it turned so nasty, that the friendship unfortunately ended.
    My revenge for a digression that was too severe to be forgiven (telling blatant lies about me) was always the same. I’d simply tell people, when they inquired, what had happened and broke off contact with green-eyes. Knowing my honesty and going to a small school, almost all of the other girls would side with me. Nobody wants to be friends with a liar. I never actually acted out against those girls and I stayed as friendly as ever with the few who would not shun them.
    Being kind can be cruel too…

  • tracy says:

    this is so true. its unfortunate you had to go through all that, it seems some women never stop acting the way they did back in highschool =( thanks for sharing your experiences and ways to deal with it in a polite but effective manner!

  • Renee says:

    You’re most welcome Real, but I only have all of you amazing women to Thank.

    I do the writing, but you are the real life of the blog. I couldn’t do it without you. Thank You all for making it such a unique, refreshing and lively sisterhood.

  • real says:

    I feel like this post is a special sisterhood found in far too few places of the world. Renee, thank you so much. I only have time to visit my feminine sisters once a month due to a very busy schedule. Funny, we are all different ethnic groups but connect in a feminine way, sensitive and friendly way. What a refreshing relief from the mean girls.

  • sunset says:

    wow. i finally understand why i got teased so much at school. i always loved wearing dresses, but when i was a kid, it was not fashionable to wear dresses. all the others wore pants. so they’d tease me for that, and the fact that i often wore heels, and they’d call me fat (i was not thin by any means but looking back at old photos i can see i was not fat either). they may have had a lot of boyfriends back then while i didn’t, but i married earlier than any of them.

    even as an adult i experience this jealousy from other women. i am muslim and when i chose to wear hijab (hijab is usually the headscarf along with long flowy gown we call abaya, and some even cover their face along with it).. so when i dressed this way, there were some women who actually told me why bother, ur not that beautiful anyways (hijab is especially important for beautiful young women, because one of its purposes is to avoid the harmful attention of men who do not lower their gaze and act respectfully towards women). when i told my husband this, he was shocked at how evil some women can be, since it is clear to him that i am beautiful, and i wouldn’t say anything like this to another woman.

  • Jodi says:

    Thank you so much for this post. I finally watched the Tony Robbins video which was incredibly moving. I used to be one of those feminine women who extinguished my light when it appeared to make others uncomfortable..NO LONGER! I can’t afford it any more. Slowly but surely I choose to keep the oil burning. We owe it to ourselves, to each other and to humanity to become all of our wonderful selves!

  • Renee says:

    @Ella: fantastic story! 🙂

    @A: Thank You for that, I’ve taken the ‘witch’ bit out. I don’t know much about the Wiccah Faith, although now you’ve piqued my curiosity!

    @Gabriel: You won’t become another Miss B. Not if you don’t want to, and make a decision not to. And, it’s important to remind yourself that you can experience love (of any kind, not just from a man), beauty, and acceptance, just as any other woman can.

    It just doesn’t always ‘come’ to all of us, as we all do really wish it did 🙂 – life doesn’t always seem to play fair! And to experience and ‘get’ love, we must ‘do’ love.

    I think that if a woman always operates from her fears, she isn’t going to do empowering things or find empowering meanings in anything – for example, Miss ‘B’ in my story….

  • Gabriel says:

    Real – that was exactly my experience in college. Glad to hear from someone else who went through it! Many “friendships” ended badly, but the others will last me for life! Funnily enough, most of my true friends were either guys or very sweet girls. I’ve never even considered myself particularly feminine, but I have always been kind and sincere – never catty! Maybe that’s enough to be considered “weak” nowadays?

  • MsSaraMurray says:

    I’ve had dozens of jealous women and girls in my life. When I was little I was friendly to everybody and gave hugs. The girls were always nasty to me though and I never knew why until high school. I don’t mean to sound proud, but I realized that I was better looking than almost all of the girls. I turned into a gruff person for a few years in order to defend myself against the skanks but changed into a more feminine woman in high school. As we all got older they got friendlier with me. They either grew up or else were more careful around me since I got to be much taller than most of them 🙂

  • real says:

    What’s kind of scary is how very long ago the story or theme of Cinderella was written. Yet, some of the most ugly, terrible things about females have not changed at all. I love working, but this type of scenario is what I never look forward to having to deal with.

  • real says:

    This is what I hated most about college or being around certain types of females. When young, I thought I’d done something wrong, but it was only from being feminine. My female relatives always pointed me out as the weak one. However, my relationships (whether their male or female) last. I’ve learned to avoid most women and stick to a small, intelligent group of very feminine friends. Maybe that’s why I love this blog so much. So many other like minded feminine women I feel safe with.

  • Sab says:

    Great article, and perfect timing for me. I was dealing with a very jealous woman who was a bit masculine at work. I always felt sad and knew exactly why she was this way towards me, and always trying to bring me down. Fortunately I have moved on to a different hospital, and I will learn from this article next time I encounter a similar situation.

  • Catherine says:

    Eeks. I think most women have come across this one 🙁

    Had it at University. The ‘butch’ of the class, instantly took to me.

    She was cold to others, and seemed only interested in being friends with me, she was very domineering =/ she wanted my phone number the day I met her, asked herself to my house, wanted to meet my boyfriend, etc. Whilst I would normally take this as friendly, it was very strange as it was so fast, and it was nearly demanded ! I was so uncomfortable with it at the time, and didn’t understand other things that were going on – to the extent that I left the University !

    I since learnt my lesson 🙂

  • Bridgette Marie Williams says:

    Hello All!

    Delightful article, full of insightful points we can all benefit from. I’ve had more than my share of jealous women to cope with. In fact, one of my ex-boyfriends current girlfriend informed him (and he informed me) that I made her feel like “less”. And who can blame the girl when for 4 out of 5 years of their relationship he still confided in me, was protective of me, valued my opinion, and I think he was still sufficiently attached to me to call his feelings an emotional affair.

    But the biggest difference between her and myself is the way we behave, in addition to some grooming habits. I don’t consider myself overly pretty, but I make it a rule not to contradict a man when HE thinks I’m pretty. I don’t flaunt my flaws, whereas she leaves her out for all and sundry to see. Her dress is sloppy, I don’t believe she combs her hair and her attitude and manners leave a great deal to be desired.

    All this leaves alot of room for jealousy. I dealt with her the way I deal with all jealous women. I practice what I call “distant civility”. Given our informal society, reverting to very correct, very formal manners leaves most people at a loss–which incapacitated her ability to treat me badly. All I can say is thank you Miss Manners! I read her column and books religiousy and what I’ve learned is that politeness doesn’t require a person to become a doormat. I’ve also noticed that the more uncivilized the behavior that is attempted, the greater effect that distant formality has.

    It’s all about having the princess mentality. No one smarts off to the princess because, (a) she’s royalty and it isn’t “done”, (b) her approval is more fun, (c) her disapproval results in more distant and cold relations, and (d) and she is above being destroyed by low-ranking women. Just because our tiara is invisible doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be treated like a princess–if that is the treatment we encourage.

    • lydie says:

      I agree with “Miss manners”, I did the same and it work. Teach them how to dance on a fun or cold rythm. It help and by the time people will know how it works with, they will surely prefer your fun rythm

  • Dena says:

    i love ur blog. and we have so much in common, in ur story. im a very femine women and im also very friendly and confident.and i never find my self jelous of another woman’s beauty. i actually admire it. but i had my share of battles with this jealous women. i had female friends whom i thought were my freinds compete with me for no reason. i had women whom i befriended &helped,just started showing intense jelousy towards me. But now i really know the real reason why!these woman were very masculine and controlling type .cuz like u said they sense the feminity in u. and then go in for the kill.

  • Gabriel says:

    Wow, great post! This has actually really opened up my eyes – I have wondered why some women never seemed to warm to me or why some “friends” would ditch me after a few weeks. I would always assume I did something (without ever being quite able to figure out what that was)! Now I suspect this was at work.

    One thing I’m curious about – you mention that “B” had never had a date or had men interested in her. I think there’s a lot to be said about the theory that it’s bitter women like this who become radical feminists. I hope this won’t be true of me – I’m soon to be 23 and have never been on a date! I always assumed it’s because I went to a very tiny college and didn’t have the opportunity to meet many people. Any advice to us out there who dread becoming another Miss B?

    I love your blog. Thanks for all of the information!

  • S says:

    At least you know you’ve achieved a significant level of femininity if you have people doing that to you! I have such a long way to go still…

  • A says:

    First off, I have to say that I love your blog. You have great posts and are a great inspiration for many women. I do want to say though that calling evil, jealous women “witches” can be offensive to women of the Wiccan faith (who in fact can be some of the most peaceful, feminine women that exist).

    Thanks for this blog!

  • Ella says:

    Great post!
    Haha, I’ve had to deal with a similar situation myself. In highschool I tried really hard to do well and was always a quiet and kind person. There was one girl in particular who was quite jealous of me and could sense this ‘softness/weakness’ (like you said), and would pick on me for no reason at all. She would make fun of my laugh, write things all over my books and was very nasty. I tolerated this for a while but got sick of it. I was sick of being a doormat! One day in drama class, I heard her saying rude things about me behind my back, so I turned around and told her, firmly and clearly, to stop being a bitch and leave me alone. She was in such shock she had nothing to say back. From then on she stopped being nasty and moved schools soon after 🙂

    • Cherie says:

      Thank-you so much for this blog. I literally have grown a fear of my gender. Woman can be frighteningly mean-spirited and can literally ruin lives. I have had my share of envy and what I realize now is bullying from childhood through to the workplace. I have literally gone into depression since my sensitive nature is not able to defend myself. It has also transpired into an almost paranoid distrust of people. Even writing this is so painful. How can you help it if you are attractive and successful. I have experienced competition from friends in my single days – women can be very ruthless on their pursuit to find a husband. One former friend would sabotage any prospect I had yet after would say what a loser he was if he showed me any attention. I wasted so many years being nice and caring to my friends yet they did not wish me well. I finally have decided that I am better off being alone and have my husband and parents to be close to.

      • Buzzybee says:

        Thank you for writing this comment. I identify with it especially about just keeping close to my boyfriend and parents. It’s scary though to feel do alone but I consistently am very hurt by women. I have been trusting in one for a year now, building a friendship, giving myself to her and being a completely trustworthy friend. It’s been one of the best relationships with a woman I’ve had in years but i found out I can’t completely trust her (I discovered this and confronted her but she denied it which is hurtful in itself but if she had admitted it, I would have forgiven her and moved on) and she is starting to copy my personality and be like me especially after I revealed myself to her and I just feel exposed and almost violated to have my self copied and mimicked like certain funny things I said to her in private, she now says. It hurts and I feel alone to think of distancing myself from her, but the loneliness is better than this hurtful feeling. Anyways, thank you very much Renee and commenters, it’s been comforting to read this, that I am not crazy and that this is a problem in our world.

        • roslyne tade says:

          Women are like that all the time. It comes out from the fall Eve and Adam. its the sinful nature that comes out of our hearts.When God banish them they clothed themselves with fig leaves(imaginations)but when God reconciled them,He clothed them with sheepskin.Adam and Eve repented and made offering to the Almighty.
          Eve recovered from jealousy cause now love was seen in the birth of Seth. Love from beneath is full of hatred, bitterness, envy and every bad attitude you can name under the sun. But the love from above is pure and real. Yes feminine in woman is a gift from the Creator.

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