How to be the World’s Most Confident Woman

Alright, so that’s a big promise, I know, to be the most confident woman in the world, but I know it’s possible for you, otherwise I wouldn’t bother writing this.

Let me just ask you: what is life like without confidence? What is the quality of your relationship without confidence? What do you achieve in your life without confidence? How do you FEEL, on a day-to-day basis without confidence? (Click here to take the quiz on “How Naturally Feminine Am I Actually?”)

The answer is: crap. Confidence is everything. If you don’t have unshakable confidence, then you’ll probably never live your dreams. Not only that, you will find that a lack of confidence means you don’t offer much value as a woman. If you know my work, you know that I talk a lot about becoming a valuable woman, but that’s just too big a topic to delve in to here.

To put it simply: confidence is the difference between you getting what you want and deserve in life (whether it be that career or that special man) and you never, ever getting what you want and deserve.

Comfortable is not confident…

What you really want is to feel CERTAIN about who you are and what you stand for. We don’t want ‘comfortable’ here, we want confidence. Feeling comfortable with yourself is just not enough. Comfortable is another way of saying ‘yeah, I’m content, but as soon as something comes along that challenges me, I crumble.’

If you don’t learn to develop unshakable confidence, you can’t have the quality of relationship that you want, you can’t achieve your dreams, and without confidence, you tend to feel more jealous and depressed than other women.

I’m sure you would agree with me when I say that the feeling of jealousy and depression is an awful way to feel. Believe it or not, some people just get used to feeling this way, and they don’t know any different – but you really don’t want that. And I certainly don’t want you to feel this way!

Moment of truth: worse still, if you don’t learn how to build confidence, you’ll become less and less confident over the years, and you’ll lose that spark – that beautiful radiance that confident women have. I mean real confidence, not that in-your-face, fake-ass confidence and attention seeking that comes from a place of paralyzing fear. I’m talking real, authentic, feminine pride and confidence that just draws people to you like bees to honey and gets you what you want and deserve in life.

Just quickly, what do you think confidence really is? What makes a woman confident?

Confidence really is knowing that you have high worth. As well as knowing that you have value to add.

Confidence is a feeling of certainty that lies deep within you. Certainty that you are worthy, that you will do good and/or perform well.

Now, I just want to quickly mention that we all have scenarios and things that we feel more confident with. However, there will always be situations that crop up in your life where you don’t have the same level of confidence as you would in another area of your life.

The goal is not to have perfect confidence at all times, because as humans, we all fear that we are not enough; it’s just about whether we live there (in that state) or not.

I’m not going to tell you to engage in positive thinking, and to keep saying to yourself that you are capable, worthy and wonderful when you’re just ‘saying’ it, and it’s just words. You may be able to keep saying ‘I’m great at such and such’, or ‘I’m the best at such and such’, and it may work for a little while, but it’s not sustainable.

You need REASONS to feel confident. And more importantly, since confidence really is a feeling, you need to always be building up the feeling of confidence and draw out the confidence within you. This is what will give you a sustainable base to work with.

Confidence is built through pushing through what is uncomfortable. I don’t care whether you’re lacking confidence at work, or whether you lack confidence with men, it’s all about pushing through what is uncomfortable so that you become better.

For example, if you feel uncomfortable and insecure around beautiful women, and you tend to prefer hanging around women who are less pretty than you are because it feels comfortable, I suggest you go and find some very attractive women to hang around. Plus, don’t forget, we become who we spend our time with.

Let me ask you this: how confident are you that you can brush your teeth every night? Do you worry that you might drop the toothbrush or brush the wrong way or brush your eye instead?

What about putting on your bra?

What about tying your shoelaces? How confident are you with these things?

The reason you feel confident doing these things is because you’ve done it so many times that you don’t even think about it. Serena Williams is totally confident hitting a ball with her tennis racquet and getting it over the net, but somebody else may not be as confident with it because they’ve never really done it before.

Here’s what you need to do…

So here’s what I want you to do: right now I want you to pick only 1 area of your life and work on becoming more confident in this area, because here’s how life works:  the more confident you are in one area in your life, the easier it is for that confidence to spread and influence your confidence in other areas of your life.

It’s much harder to be confident in 100 different things than just one single area of your life. You just don’t have the time or energy or focus on becoming really confident in 100 different things.

So we need to start with one area. It could be small, as small as tying your shoe laces (for all those who don’t know…) or it could be as big as a complex dance routine.

We need to master it, because it’s through mastery that we get to realize our own ability and confidence. And the way we’re going to master it is through learning and taking action. Learn everything you can about it and take action so that you become competent and confident at it.

If it’s putting on make-up for example, I suggest you look on YouTube for videos that will show you how to be great at putting your make up on. And then, actually put your make up on and try different looks. (read my article about going without make up)

If it’s being confident speaking to people and making friends, I suggest you study communication, but MORE importantly, actually go out and start speaking to people – ANYONE, even the check-out chick or the bartender or the old man next door, to get you uncomfortable, and so that you practice connecting with people.

Confidence is you knowing that you CAN – even on a bad day. And that comes with practice and repetition.

Once you become absolutely confident in something – just one thing even, however small, that sense of certainty you develop inside of you and that confidence will transfer to other areas of your life. You’ll realize that you have more confidence inside of you and you can draw it out during  times when you really need it.

By the way, I am sure there are dozens of things you’re confident with right now, this moment. But the reason why you’re not as confident as you deserve to be or want to be is because you’re not focusing on them.

So here’s How…

So let’s do a quick exercise.

Get out a piece of paper. I want you to write down everything that you can do confidently. I mean everything you can think of.

I really mean, everything, like…your ability to walk confidently without tripping over, or your ability to swim 20 meters without drowning. Maybe you can do a particular dance move, maybe you can cook a certain dish better than anyone else, maybe you know a little magic trick that brings a smile to people’s faces every time you perform it, you probably have many other skills that you have forgotten about.

I want you to keep writing and don’t stop for at least 10 minutes. Whenever you finish writing something, think of something else and write it down.

Go now and don’t read the rest until you come back. (I’ll hold you to it!)

Ok, welcome back. Now this will be your list that you will draw your confidence from. I want you to add to this list whenever you can and anytime you don’t feel as confident as you wish to – bring this list out and read every single item on the list back to yourself. (read my article about the power of femininity)

Go through the whole list again and again and draw out the confidence that you have within you.

And remember this confidence list is something that is ever growing, it doesn’t stay stagnant. And if you just keep adding to it a few times a week, you’ll realise very soon that you’ll become much more confident overall in every single area of your life.

And one final tip I have for you is this: I am aware that some of us don’t allow ourselves the feeling of confidence even when we deserve it.

So here is the final thing I want you to do:

drop your rules. The more rules you have for feeling confident about something, the less confident you will feel. For example, you may have the rule that you have to be having a ‘good day’, and FEEL radiant and beautiful before you will allow yourself to feel confident. This is not sustainable! In fact, by feeling confident, you actually become that radiant!

Some people have the rule that they cannot feel entirely confident about something until they’ve done it 100 times. Some people feel confident about something after doing it well just once.

If you want to give yourself the gift of being confident, allow yourself to feel confident with something as soon as possible, and even when you think you “shouldn’t” be confident. Always refer back to your list and draw out the confidence you have within you. Click here to get a copy of “Goddess Report” here. Also, learn the 17 Attraction Triggers by clicking this link.

OK, that’s it for now. Please leave a comment below, sharing with us what you have learnt, and letting us know of your tips for becoming more confident!

By the way, can I ask you a quick favor? if you got anything out of this post, please ‘like’ it on Facebook or share it with a precious friend. Thank You. 🙂



  • Pooja Pophale says:

    This is an amazing idea…
    I even have a gratitude list..I write 2-5 things I am grateful for which happened during the day on a daily basis before going to bed.This has helped me a lot.

  • eka says:


  • Holly says:

    I did it! Proudly I can now say I’m the most confident woman on the plannet and theres good reason for that, that being I’m the most important person to myself and my opinion of myself is what counts the most.

    This is thanks to using the Paul Mckeena mind program CD that comes with his book, Instant confidence. In fact all of his books do.

    Truly remarkable results have taken place in less than a week! Still I’m to work more on this factor in my life. Paul deserves a medal as he’s taken me from a broken insecure woman to a self assured empowered individual.

    For about 4 years +, I said that I wanted to teach primary school children, but my biggest interest in life is psychology and anything to do with human nature so I’m not surprised that I considered possible job possibilities in that feild of life. Since using the mind programming CD I’m now beginning to realize my full potential! It was if the right answers clicked into place from out of no wear and I’m now realizing my dreams.

    So what exactly has the mind programing CD done for me.

    It’s put a new spin on my life and if my mind says, new neural pathways have been created in my mind then I trust that my mind is clever enough to work the answers out.

    Back to my choices of becoming a primary school teacher or studying psychology, I can now gladly say that theirs no denying that I know with every fiber in my body that psychology is the right route to take. Sure, teaching is the safe route, it’s predictable and I know that I would be set up for life with a role in life that I feel safe about following. With psychology I actually have no idea which path I want to take, it’s a gamble but then what’s the point of living for the sake of being safe! Their surviveing and then there’s being alive.

    Truly I’m feeling very bold and daring! I don’t just want to study psychology, I want p.HD in it! I know nothing about computers but suddenly I feel that I want to maximize my knowledge because I know I can. I don’t just want to write my book idea, I want to bring it to real life and turn it into a film. Impossible is two letters too long.

    I’ve started something called a life planner which is all about self assesement and structuring life to get desired results. The incredible Brian Tracy has written a book called maximum achievement and he says that to become successful at anything in life then you have to have clear goals in life and if not then people wonder in life drifting. So that’s why I’m making such an effort to accumulate desired results in life. I have many factors that I’m working on and for my love life I starting a special individual book on that, from creating a man plan to figuring out how love and attraction works. Basically if I want something in life then I’m going to do.everything in my power to ensure I do my best. Theirs the people who wait in life and then their are those who create.

    Gladly I can say that I’m my mapping my life out in ways I could have only of hoped for before.

    Sadness is now a thing of the past! Never shall I devalue myself and now I ask myself,what do I look like?

    I’ve got 2 eyes, a nose, an ear to the left and right side of my face, I’ve got a head full hair and I can confidently say that I’ve got a nice smile. Plus I have a good set of limbs and body parts all in the right places.

    If anyone ever dared put me down then I shall smile confidently with a proud look on my face and say take a seat.with the rest of the bitches and join the que as I seem to have been mistaken for a person that cares :).

  • Silvanne says:

    Two entirely different instances happened to me this week that
    sort of prove that confidence must be practiced.

    Thursday, I went to a communication/presentation/verbal defense
    class for the first time. I have traumatic experiences with group
    situations (high school bullying), and so I was nervous and it
    showed. Badly. I must have told myself at least 30 times that same
    evening and the day after, that I was an idiot. I felt horrible
    and embarrassed about my behavior, and recognized the irony in the
    fact that it’s exactly my bashful nature which is causing me to
    look spineless and an easy target in the eyes of others.

    Today, however, I went to the gym. A place in which I feel
    surprisingly comfortable; something I did not think would happen
    when I first started. There was a new boy who just started there,
    and he was my personal instructor for the day. The first second
    I saw him, I was really scared. “He is handsome,” I thought.
    “I’m not. He’s going to be a jerk just because I am ugly.”

    Yet, strangely, once that initial minute was over, so was my fear.
    I still feel intimidated by his looks as I type this, but I took
    a stand, and so *I* was the one who broke the ice with *him*… and
    he turned out to be an incredibly sweet guy. He showed a (friendly)
    interest in my life, which indeed I did not expect from a guy like

    Needless to say, the rest of the day I felt like I could take on 10
    communication classes at once, just because I had managed to speak to
    someone I felt intimidated by, and was kindly reciprocated. :]

  • regina says:

    Great article.

  • rimpa says:

    Nice article…truly said confidence comes from practice and repetition..the method you mentioned about drawing confidence is also great..

  • Maech says:

    Wow! You are such a great writer, made me review myself & definition of confidence. I might have totally thought it the wrong way. Thank you, Renee!!

  • indy says:

    Wow!i feel more confident after reading this.You sure do have a deeper perception of what confidence really is…

  • Elahe says:

    I am confident most of the times in doing everything even new things. Because i trust myself. I think it’s mostly because of my parents, they have always told from my childhood that i am the best and i can do anything if i want to do it.

  • preet says:

    Really feeling relieved after reading this.

  • Melody says:

    Thank you for posting!

  • Gwen Lopang says:

    it has been an eye opener, i feel relieved.

  • Busisiswe says:

    Well I must say I have leant a lot and felt liberated just by reading your site…I appreciate all the advice and will be sure to practice all that iv learnt from your site!!

    Kind Regards Miss Dalamba

  • Katelyn says:

    I want to hear more from you.

  • Si says:

    Great article, thank you.
    I agree with you , confidence comes with practice and repetition.
    Im listing what activities and things can i learn or practice to build confidence.
    The first thing i started learning is swimming , im in my second month, what a difference !!
    Can every one tell us about things to do , or to learn , for more confidence??
    thanks a lot…

  • Ki'yah says:

    That’s it! I’m writing this list out now haha 😀

    • Renee says:

      Wonderful, Ki’Yah. It ‘s the people who don’t just sit around, and actually take action who get ahead in life. Kudos to you!

      • Ki'yah says:

        *blushes* Wrote it out and there were quite a few things I forgot I could do! One thing in particular was that I could sing. Haven’t sung in a while. Anyway, I remember singing in church once and this woman was impressed by my range. I really forgot I could do that lol! And the list is ever growing! Thanks again Renee 🙂

  • Alisha says:

    I love your articles. Its ironic because I’ve been discovering some of your ideas lately as my personal confidence is developing (also, as my common sense is developing). First, as far as confidence flooding into other areas of my life, it totally has. For example, I started wearing makeup consistently about four months ago, and my boyfriend really likes it. He’s given me compliments on it, which in turn makes me feel good about myself. Following that, I have met some of his friends and been a little shy at first then started comming out of my shell. Then suddenly, my confidence exploded and now I’m not afraid to talk to people at work or in the checkout line.

    Secondly, I also like the advice to focus on one area because I become WAY to stressed and then give up when I can’t make it in all of them. But I also think that to focus on one area also takes courage for some people (ex-perfectionists like me) because you have to allow certain areas to continue with a lack of confidence while improving others.

    Lastly, dropping the rules is probably the most important. Sometimes, we can have all these rules (like I have to be this weight, or have this look, or act a certain way) rather than just being yourself.

    Tyler Perry (a great movie director) once said, “In the Bible, you are promised so many days and they are to be filled with trouble; if you know that you’re going to have trouble, why the hell would you add to the trouble that you are already promised?” A lack of confidence just adds to the stress and negativity of your life. Good luck ladies!

    • Ki'yah says:

      Sooo true! Enjoyed your comment Alisha! And good luck to you also 🙂

    • Ki'yah says:

      Sooo true! Enjoyed your comment Alisha! I used to suffer from perfectionism too and it wasn’t doing me or anyone else any good. It was hard to overcome it and in a way I still am, but I learned as you said that dropping rules was a good way to start. Feels great! And good luck to you also 🙂

  • JP says:

    Love this Renee! So great to have some hands-on tools to use. The list you suggest actually provides PROOF that we CAN be confident because we have been before. I also really like the throwing out the rules idea. I never realized that I have a set of standards or “rules” to meet before I let myself feel good or confident about something… but I do! Wow… just learned something about myself 🙂

    This is def a topic I think women need lots of advice on. I often lack confidence… and so do tons of women I know. Even the most beautiful, intelligent, successful women are often so insecure. There almost needs to be a support group for this. Your post is very helpful. Thank you 🙂

  • Sweetz says:

    Hey Renee,

    Thanks for giving me an opportunity to rediscover myself , gain myself back!
    Am fond of yr article…
    Grt Job dear .. Go on … Gud luck n God bless… U hv turned out to be the inspiring soul …:))

    • Renee says:

      You are most welcome, sweetz. It makes me happy to know you’ve rediscovered yourself, as you deserve.
      Thank You!

  • Denise says:

    Dear Renee:
    How kind of you to reply! Thank you. From your perspective you are absolutely correct (like always!) Thinking about it doesn’t help, you have to do it! We must engage with our intentions.I truly admire your philosophy on life. Keep up the good work!


  • Rita says:

    Renee, Love this post! You listened to our comments! Practical hands on advice… love it. Thanks so much.

  • Keyu says:

    I love this article, very realistic! Thanks Renee.

  • Meike says:

    Very good to read! I also love Fake It Until You Make It… Just pretend to be confident 🙂

  • Reem says:

    Thanks for your wonderful effort you always come up with impressive ideas 🙂

  • Denise says:

    Dear darling:

    Loved your article. The one thing I don’t agree with you is that of positive thinking. I believe being positive makes you confident, because having and persuing the feeling of “yes I can” is what brings you confidence! God only knows how often I feel like crap and insecure; yet I am percieved as a confident,optimistic fun to be with person! When I’m asked how I do it…it is simple sometimes I fake it! I believe confidence is more of an “attitude” than a skill. And you can certainly will yourself to have whatever attitude you wish!… and being confident is in general an attitude! You can start by pretending and soon enough it becomes “your nature”.I think you are giving us very good advice in the sense that you must master and exploit your particular skills, develop good habits etc. but I still think confidence is an attitude. How many times you percieve someone as more”beautiful” or more charming or more competent just by the way they carry themselves. Like everything in life it is a matter of choice. You can actually choose to be confident. How? By being positive! By thinking “Yes I can” You want to be extremely atractive? Simple, begin by pretending you are, and thinking Yes I am, Yes I can do that, Yes I can look like that, Yes I can invest in myself…like they say dress the part! You want to portray yourself as confident? Begin by thinking you are, by acting like you are, by learning what you need to know…it all starts with an internal “YES I CAN” and a positive attitude!

    • Renee says:

      Hey Denise! 🙂

      Thanks for your comment. Sorry, I may not have been very clear about my views on positive thinking (oops). I didn’t mean to knock positive thinking altogether (I mean, I believe people tend to have different ideas of what positive thinking is, and positive thinking tends to show up in different forms) – I mean to say that I don’t feel positive thinking is sustainable because it’s just a ‘thought’, whereas we need to get the FEELING of confidence. Sure, I’ve thought positively before, but realized that it didn’t quite work out for me, as I was just ‘saying’ it.

      So that’s why the list is useful, and that’s why we always need to be adding to that list, and always draw out the confidence we have within us.

      Also, my feeling is that ‘fake it til you make it’ is of greater use than positive thinking (and it’s also different to positive thinking) because it involves your physiology. If you consistently put yourself and your body in ‘confident’, ‘capable’, ‘certain’ mode, and you really feel it in your body, then you can achieve confidence.

      🙂 Thanks Denise, you are always very gracious and it’s a pleasure to have you here.

  • mish says:

    Thank you Renee 🙂
    It felt like you wrote this article for me!

    Best thing I’ve learnt – drop the rules for feeling confident. I’ve always ‘thought’ that I’d have to become good at something first before I can start feeling confident about it…

    I shall start practising the ‘no-rules confidence’ 😉

  • Stephenie says:

    Thanks a lot for this. I just went through a terrible month of the ‘uglies’. Recently things changed a bit and your article here helps a LOT. Very true that confidence breeds confidence. 🙂
    Thanks again for your timely article. It help pull me that little bit extra that i needed. 🙂

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