19 ways of a High Value, feminine girlfriend

When I was 10, I liked a guy called Shannon, but Shannon didn’t like me; he liked my friend Tilly who wore skirts. When I asked her why Shannon didn’t like me and liked her, Tilly said I was a boy and Shannon would like me if I wore a skirt. 10 year olds named Tilly are smart.

When I was 13 walking down the river bank with my best friend at the time who has since passed away, a couple of boys walked past and said to us ‘nice tits, ugly head’. I didn’t have any breasts, I was flat chested and my friend was the total opposite of flat chested, so I assumed he was saying ‘nice tits’ to my best friend and ugly head to me. Was I being too negative? Maybe.

Then, when I was 22 studying my law degree, a male law student acquaintance said to me “your body looks your age, your face looks old”. I still remember this for a reason – cause it sucked to hear it.

Now you can take a guess at one reason why I got interested in the topic of relationships, dating and men. Because I had a few erm…unanswered questions in my mind.

So these tips are as much for me as for anyone else who gives a damn about love, sex and the art of intimacy.

Choose 3 of these that appeal to you, and do them. You’ll be better than 95% of people in relationships for doing so.

Click here to take the quiz on How High Value High Status Am I on FB

1. Always, always consider things from his perspective.

Why? Because it makes you smart, and able to see very quickly if he cares about you; or is hanging with you for the wrong reasons. This is an essential skill to become outstanding and successful in life. Try hard to understand where another person is coming from, feel what problems they might have. Try to see what their motivations are. Prepare to be wrong about this more often than not. But the point is not to be right. The point is to start. To care. Eventually, you might get 10% better at it. That’s an enormous difference from most humans, who never try. 

2. Re-sensitise yourself.

Both of my sons (and I believe possibly all newborns) came into the world highly sensitive. I would leave my older son in a room with his father for 5 minutes while I hung up the washing, and if he cried for me while I was gone, I was dumbfounded that I could simply walk back into the room, and he would stop crying, sensing my presence.
These babies, innocent and free, also don’t tolerate anything less than full love and connection. How many of us keep this capacity for sensitivity and connection after childhood?

If this vulnerability and trust that we are born with is broken, which it is for most of us, we lose innocence and purity, we can also become thick skinned and stupid in relationships.

This is not to say that we should be like a newborn, but that we should try to have a capacity for sensitivity and a capacity for trusting others and the capacity for feeling untrust.

So consider re-sensitising yourself with breath, with dance, and being courageous to question the things you most resist questioning, and regularly feel your emotions: because this is necessary to deepen your relationship, to have something real with a human male, rather than something imagined.

3. Do touch him physically lovingly, showing presence and sensitivity and softness.

The reason this tip is in here is because it I’ve noticed it feels feminine to men, and it takes courage to do it from a caring place – we can be mindless, going about our day-to-day, and forget to connect with him from a soft and sensitive place. Some of us aren’t sensitive at all.

4. Care about yourself.

(You can’t be high value to anyone else if you don’t care about yourself).

Breathe. Give time only to the things that are worth it. Eat well. Exercise, and start living life like you’re a fit everyday athlete. Not world class athlete – I mean a fit, energetic woman who wants to be alive. (And if you are depressed and don’t want to be alive, try to eliminate the crappy aspects of your life). If you can’t, I understand. It’s hard. The next thing is to…think more resourcefully and ask other caring humans for help too).

5. Play.

Be playful and move and throw pillows and wrestle for fun. Connect with him in these multi dimensional ways – one caveat: I mean to do this in a way that you enjoy and that gives you pleasure. Men in general love a woman’s pleasure. It’s horrible that so many of us are ashamed of our own pleasure: because it triggers other women’s jealousy.

6. Blow jobs.

In the right context! With the right man. A man you trust. A man who is worthy of your vulnerability. There’s a whole article about it here…

7. Be feminine for your own pleasure first.

Let the natural feminine energy arise out of pleasure in your body. This is genuine. Then, connect and share that with him. No, pleasure is never just about sex. Consider what you deeply enjoy, what makes you want to connect with others, what makes you laugh, what makes you cry. Then truly be free and let go, sinking into pleasure.

8. Don’t assume every man wants feminine energy.

Some men want to BE the feminine energy. If you do assume all men want feminine women, you could be trying in earnest to feed a horse to a fish, and you’d have good intentions there, but the fish wouldn’t perceive any value in your offering.

9. Don’t assume feminine is best.

Be careful if you assume that all you have to do in life is be feminine, and that will make you better than other women in all of life. That’s not true; feminine doesn’t work in many contexts of your life, perhaps in the workplace, even if it works very well for attracting high value men. (See this: 5 telltale signs a man has crippling low self esteem).

10. Show him that you’re willing to trust him

Show him that you’re willing to trust him, but don’t hold back your expression of lack of trust when you don’t. Essentially: show willingness, and relax into trusting him when you really do, but communicate with non-blaming “I’m not feeling very safe right now” messages and feedback when he’s not being considerate or is making a scary decision.

11. Polarity or commonalities!

If you are not interested in wild intimacy, and depth and passion – maybe a relationship with a strong feminine person and a strong masculine person in it is not for you. And that’s fine – it’s just important for you to know that if all you want is an average, functioning relationship where you are both best friends, then being feminine may not matter at all – being a team player and being agreeable may be more important.

12. Sex is not the ultimate value you can give, really!

Unless he has got it in his head that he just has to have physical sex with you to feel ok about being in a relationship with you. Sharing your feminine energy, connecting to him, accepting him, allowing him to be human is the real deal. Giving him sex for the sake of not losing him is never what it is about. Don’t make yourself do this because you’re fearful there are no other options. It causes stress and dishonesty in your body. At least tell him that you feel scared to have sex with him. Read more on how men view sex here.

13. You are either ‘the one and only’ or ‘one of many’ to a man.

It’s hard to become the ‘one and only’ if you guys have already been friends with benefits for a while, and then you want him to be your boyfriend.

To get to girlfriend status, be selective and avoid having sex out of fear that he will leave if you don’t.
Avoid having sex if one part of you wants to and the other part dreads the consequence. Instead communicate your fear of the consequence. You are more trustworthy this way.

Sex is still a thing you allow men access to – unless you’ve already established trust, love and commitment with each other. Not being sexist or unfair to women here. Read here on the two traits of women that men routinely fall in love with

14. It’s OK to dream.

It’s OK if you dream of having a man so strong and manly that you’re willing to travel the world with him, supporting his dream, allow him to order you around with love. Just love that you secretly want that with the right man. Don’t be shy about admitting it to the right man; what you are in nature is not wrong, even if society wants you to be more asexual.

15. Give first

To add to your mate value, when you want something from a man – say, more of his time, more sensitivity – try offering that exact thing to him first. Be able to offer what it is that you demand from him. Or – simply think about what value you can add to him before you ask for more commitment and investment. Many women criticise and complain to try to get these things. You can choose to do that too, you just don’t get to feel the pride and self value that comes with taking the high road if you do.

16. Vulnerability

Vulnerability. Consider trying to relax beyond your patterns in relationship; because your patterns are what you normally just do on autopilot without thinking. Patterns aren’t vulnerability. Vulnerability is different to that. To offer your vulnerability first, open your body with simple presence and breath when you’re with the man.

17. Be loyal.

Be so loyal it is painful. Men who have at least an average level of intelligence absolutely value loyalty. Loyalty is something I am convinced that men are primed to look out for in a woman. Take for example a female dog who is otherwise absolutely loyal to her owner on any day. And on the one random single day she ovulates, she breaks through the fence and runs off because she saw a male dog/mating opportunity. We are not dogs, but we are still mammals who release only one egg a month (think scarcity) and can act out at times and not take responsibility for our need to be loyal. Just as men can. Own your sexual disloyalties and direct that energy positively to the right relationship with the right man.

18. Defensiveness; it’s not good.

Yes, objectively speaking, defensiveness serves a purpose, but it doesn’t go well with love and connection. It’s hard not to be defensive, but the point is to try our best to practice breathing instead.

19. Take a cold shower.

(Read about Cold Water Therapy/thermogenesis here). It’s what I do when I want to feel badass; it’s a quick way to feel accomplished. Feeling accomplished is necessary for a bit of self respect and self love – that good stuff that sexy relationships need to be built upon.

renee-wade

 

P.S. If you haven’t heard of our program Understanding Men yet, click here to check it out.

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55 Comments on "19 ways of a High Value, Feminine Girlfriend"

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sofia
Guest
Hello Renee Wow i am shocked that not all men need feminine energy but the rest of the points are OK but i wish i could apply them like playing we are in a long distance relationship without communication.One positive thing is that he plays for me music he knows that i love listening to good music but that is not enough though i still appreciate that wish that i could do all the above to him .I do understand that one day he will back home am scared of contacting him since he works in a very busy place… Read more »
Laura Voss
Guest

Hi Renee, I really love your articles. I think they are so uplifting and encouraging to women.

sugarnspicelass
Guest
Renee I have been reading your blog for over a month now and have yet to comment but I can’t help myself, I have to say how much your advice has helped me and how much I appreciate what you are doing for us feminine women out there. I have been dating a great guy for going on three months now. He is a true masculine man, a pilot, and he has a naturally commanding presence. Needless to say I was drawn to him instantly, he is attractive but something more drew me in to him, and now I know… Read more »
sugarnspicelass
Guest
Oh, and I forgot to say: after he sent me the comics to try to cheer me up, I responded by telling him he did help by sending them and cheering me up. I thanked him for thinking of me and sharing them and told him he always knows how to get me to smile. That was before he then sent the text asking if I wanted to go on a road trip with him Saturday (he ended up finding out he was getting back early in the day Saturday and thought originally when we made.plans for Sunday that he… Read more »
Unreal
Guest

One big list of contradictions.

Renee Wade
Guest

There better be contradictions. It’s called life. If there’s no contradictions, then it isn’t real. Different contexts calls for different actions.

And if you notice contradictions – that’s confusion that’s trying to tell you to grow. Answer to them. Research, try to believe in something solid. Instead of doing what you’re doing.

Marie
Guest

i dont think we should tell women to have premarital sex anymore.

feminine women protect and love children

and when you have premarital sex you risk having an unwanted pregnancy and having to A- kill your unborn child (abortion)
B- give your child to a stranger (adoption) or
C- raise your child without a dad in a broken home most likely poor struggling with finances (single motherhood)

whos for protecting their future children and waiting until marriage to give their bodies to their husbands?! I AM!

plus men want their women to be theirs, not have a big notch count.

J.a. Ct
Guest
It is a double standard. Men can sleep around multiple times and a woman cannot? I agree that there are huge inherit dangers in premarital sex– the largest the procreation of a child. It is a known fact that women’s birth control fails too. The problem I see is society right now. There are so many “celebrities” having kids out of wedlock, intentionally or otherwise. Women should experience sexuality. The caveat is that they are in a monogamous, long term relationship where their mate would do the right thing should pregnancy occur. The woman should ask the man to share… Read more »
Marie
Guest
no double standard. men should not either. IMO- a man is not manly if he sleeps with a bunch of women without commitment via marriage. what happens if she gets pregnant and he doesnt want to marry her? he is not protecting her or his kids! not a protector!!! women can experience sexuality safely via masturbation. otherwise they are stupidly putting themselves at a huge risk of having a kid!! to this- “The caveat is that they are in a monogamous, long term relationship where their mate would do the right thing should pregnancy occur.”‘ thats the thing. a man… Read more »
Jim Johnson
Guest

Two standards for relationship material: the standard your average woman has for a man, and the standard that the average man has for women. It isn’t the guys fault that the average woman doesn’t value chastity as much. Some guys will take advantage of this and sleep around in their 20’s, knowing very well that they will be able to find a catch later on. Some women will try to do the same, and then find that they dropped below men’s standards and become no more than a used tissue.

Unreal
Guest

Actually I’m pretty sure its men pressuring women to have premartial sex with them, not feminists.

So perhaps it’s men who need to hear your pearls of wisdom. Perhaps you need to chat with them about the way they pressure women and then dump aside after sex as “soiled” and look for that virgin to marry.

“men want to marry inexperienced women.” And then want to spend the rest of their lives complaining about their lousy sex life.

Jim Johnson
Guest

Actually, SOME men are pressuring women to have sex prior to marriage. A girl who holds out is worth the wait for a respectable guy.

Unreal
Guest

But the guy doesn’t have to hold out though. His sexual history is not a measure of HIS character — only women right?

Go on with that bullshit. So glad you repressed traditionalists are the minority among men.

Jim Johnson
Guest

“His sexual history is not a measure of his character — only women right?”

That is up to you and other women. The girl that I married (a virgin on our wedding night) expected chastity from me. If that isn’t something you expect, I guess it isn’t important.

Unreal
Guest

“That is up to you and other women.”

Only I’m not gay. So…

On the contrary, that double standard — she has to be a virgin but my count doesn’t matter — seems to be important to many men of the traditionalist mindset. Or those who don’t have much experience themselves.

Jim Johnson
Guest

What double standard? For relationship material, men value chastity, pure and simple. It isn’t our fault that women like you have a lower standard for men. Some guys will take advantage of your lower standards and be promiscuous. Why should they bother holding themselves to high standards if women won’t? Your last non-sentence (the veiled dig at me) proves my point.

Unreal
Guest
The number of men holding out until marriage (willingly anyway) is just south of zero. Luckily there are fewer men today who care one way or the other and those who do seem to be the type with little experience themselves, hypocrites or religious types. Hey, if one is sincere in their desire to wait because of their religion, that’s commendable. What’s not commendable is the hypocrites who think they are entitled to screw around but women must be “pure.” If you chose to take that as dig against you that’s on you. I certainly didn’t intend it as one.… Read more »
Jim Johnson
Guest
“The number of men holding out until marriage is just south of zero”…….not really. Look in the religious communities, it is not as rare as you would think. Both me and my wife did. Most of my LDS friends held out. Any time you see two missionaries going around knocking on doors (I did in Ireland for two years), it is a fairly safe bet they are chaste by choice. I can’t speak for other religions, but they are out there as well. “there is nothing wrong with my standards”……….actually, there is, plenty. Morality aside, there are many social ills… Read more »
Unreal
Guest

I’m curious…have we met before? How exactly do you believe you know so much about me to assume I am promiscuous?

Jim Johnson
Guest

By some of your statements. I admit, I may be projecting. Out of curiosity, how many sexual relationships have you had, and what was the shortest timescale that you became sexually active in those relationships?

Unreal
Guest

Whoa there buddy. Don’t need you all up in my business. Point is you don’t know me. Focus on the topic without projecting your shyit on me to make your point.

Jim Johnson
Guest
“”men want to marry inexperienced women.” And then want to spend the rest of their lives complaining about their lousy sex life.” A marrying somebody with a slutty 18-25 life does not make for a good sex life. Quite the contrary, who wants to be compared to the 20-50 other guys she has been with? Every sexual partner, if they don’t give you some disease, will take away some part of your soul at breakup. It happens to both men and women, emotional detachment occurs. Guys get the “eff them and dump them” attitude, girls get the 1000 cock stare… Read more »
Unreal
Guest

1000 cock stare. That’s cute.

Jim Johnson
Guest
From Donovan Sharpe “6 Slut Tells every man should know” This particular slut tell is a little tougher to pick up on. Especially if you’re not a veteran player. This was the look in the aforementioned office slut’s eyes when she first uttered the words “I’m a good girl.” Suffice it to say, her eyes betrayed her feeble attempt at trying to look like a unicorn. The “thousand cock stare” is loosely defined as the look on a woman’s face that reveals spite, apathy, fatigue, and hopelessness all at the same time. This look is a direct result of being… Read more »
Unreal
Guest

Of my dozens of girlfriends, they’re across the range from been around the block and back many times to near virgins in their 30s. Either way, all but one got married.

Easy to spot. Suuuuuurrrrreeee….

But like I said…that’s cute.

Jim Johnson
Guest

Because I’ve seen what it has done to my old high school friends (non of which were chaste). I see it in my neighbor’s kids, and the crap they are dealing with. I see it with my coworker who is trying to piece back a life after his wife ran out on him. I seen it back in my dating years. I am not bitter, I am just saying there are better options out there.

dow daytrader
Guest

Obviously, Marie has “issues”…… Let the mantra of Western Women be “no fatherless children” ! High Standards, say “no!”…”I’m disappointed in you Tim, I thought…..” [moderate guilt dispensing at this time is a good option, Tim might “try” harder and “wait”…this tactic has worked (for the most part) for several centuries, Ladies ! ]

Marie
Guest

DOES ANYONE KNOW if David Deida is married???

disqus_2ReylfY7p8
Guest
is it normal to be terrafied of having kids. Am 29 and engaged to a wonderful man but in my head I feel about 19. I am responsible and we both have decent jobs but the thought of having kids fills me with dread and hot and cold sweats. I do want to have kids eventually but if feels like am going to loose myself plus the idea that am going to be riving in pain scares me to the point that I actually have lost sleep thinking about it. I have no one to talk to about this fear… Read more »
Renee Wade
Guest
Lol. It isn’t abnormal, that’s for sure. I know of people who feel the same. And I think the fear is valuable in the sense that you at least know how huge the responsibility is. You will lose yourself in some way – in the way that the old will inevitably be replaced with the ‘updated’ you, now a mother. I think your fear might be just a fear of change, you want things to stay the same…understandable. But what kind of life is it in the end if we never embrace what we fear? But you don’t have to… Read more »
Marie
Guest

RENEE

is working as a stripper a bad idea? anyone else plz comment i need advice

Lindsay T.
Guest
I used to work as a stripper. I’m glad I had the experience but I’m thankful every day that I don’t have to do it anymore. It’s okay if you’re single and need money fast, but be warned, in many clubs these days customers expect “extra services” and have basically become glorified brothels.A lot of the dancers are alcoholics or drug addicts so be careful of who you make friends with. Just be careful of which club you choose. It may also cause you to be resentful toward men in general because some will make gross/rude comments to you and… Read more »
Renee Wade
Guest

Thanks for your input on this Lindsay T.!

Marie
Guest

renee i was blocked from your facebook page for some reason? 🙁

Marie
Guest

ok /: thanks

xinnanshi
Guest

It is good to see that there are women out there who understand man-woman relationships and the importance of embracing feminine energy in order to attract a high value man. Very good points, every woman should read this. Keep it up Renee )

StarsCollide
Guest

Thank you for clearing up statement number 8. I have asked myself this for a few years now.

Anna C
Guest
Hey Renee! It’s Anna. I’m very excited to see your new article! Have been a long time reader and you have definitely been the catalyst to me finding my ultimate relationship. Now I find, I don’t need as much advice as I once did… no, I mean I don’t worry as much as I once did. All things smooth, no worries… 😀 I definitely found my David to your Renee. And it feels safe, authentic and full of spark and intrigue (even through we are very similar). I’m happy to see you ask women to choose to start 3 of… Read more »
nena
Guest
Hello Renee, could you please explain the following? Par 13: “Avoid having sex if one part of you wants to and the other part dreads the consequence. Instead communicate your fear of the consequence. You are more trustworthy this way.”:why you are not trustworthy if you have sex when one part of you dreads the consequense??? “Sex is still a thing you allow men access to – unless you’ve already established trust, love and commitment with each other”:when you have established trust,love and commitmnent,then sex is not a thing you allow men access to??? Par 17: “And on the one… Read more »
Anna C
Guest
On the topic of sex, it’s sacred, if you’re looking for true love. The right moment to have sex is when you feel the man has emotionally committed to you. For that, you should have no doubts. If you fear the consequences, there are doubts. If you have doubts, express them to your man and this will show your vulnerability. If he runs away, maybe it wasn’t the right time for sex. If he reassures you, maybe you can trust him in that regard. About the dog, I think that, we all have animalistic urges. But as a human, we… Read more »
nena
Guest

thanks a lot!!!

J.a. Ct
Guest
-“why you are not trustworthy if you have sex when one part of you dreads the consequense???” This is being disingenuous to the self and the partner. Assuming the man is emotionally in love with the woman, he wants to express himself fully to her. He would want the same back from her. If she dreads the consequences, it means she can not fully express herself to him. If she tells him this before any act, it makes her considerate and shows she is honest in the one vulnerable moment. It speaks volume about her value and character. -“when you… Read more »
J.a. Ct
Guest
I realize now that we must understand Maslow’s Hierachy of Need or possibly Herzberg. Maslow pointed out that our needs are not random. There is a clear order to our concerns. Maslow enumerated five levels. First are our physiological needs: for food and shelter, the basic requirements of survival. Next come safety needs: protection against harm done to us by others. Third is our need for love and belonging. Above that comes our desire for recognition and esteem, and higher still is self-actualization: fulfilling our potential, becoming the person we feel we could and should be. In his later years,… Read more »
nena
Guest

thanks a lot

J.a. Ct
Guest

The one thing I have noticed lately– I ask myself if things add value to my life. I was asked if I planned to watch such and such today. I replied “No. It does not add value to my life”. I was a bit shocked to hear myself say this. However, I’ve realized that this process helps me avoid mediocrity and improves my personal value/quality of life.

Anna C
Guest

That’s a perfect question to ask yourself on a daily basis. There’s wisdom in your words!

Marie
Guest

RENEE how old are you and when did you meet david/get married/have your first baby boy? 🙂

you should write a book or even just a blog for the sake of time about meeting david and your family life now!

i cannot wait to have a son! so adorable! love you! <333

Renee Wade
Guest

I’m far from 18! But thank you, you are very kind.

Hm. Big question you’ve asked here re: when to have children though…could open up a can of worms.

For me personally, I prefer younger to have children (meaning, starting before age 30). That’s my personal feeling, and it’s for my own subjective reasons that won’t apply to you or anyone else.

Marie
Guest

but how old are you beautiful love?? <3

Tanya Rachel Wieczorek
Guest
Tanya Rachel Wieczorek

That’s a great list Renee, thank you!

I’m just puzzled, which one most directly relates to that horrid comment you received in college (about your face)?

If it relates to #9 — because you were studying law & perhaps weren’t your most feminine doing that, but you state that femininity doesn’t always work best, so is that the connection there?

I will be re-reading this list – thanks again!

Renee Wade
Guest

HI Tanya! 🙂

Thanks for your comment. Well I wasn’t trying to have the points relate directly to that particular story…

I guess your conclusion is somewhat correct though…maybe I didn’t need to have a nice looking exterior to succeed at law school. In fact, the stress of law school and a legal career can really mess with a woman’s health and beauty.

Tanya Rachel Wieczorek
Guest
Tanya Rachel Wieczorek
“I wasn’t trying to have the points relate directly to that particular story…” Oh I see, ok! Sorry for the confusion on my part lol Still, what a terrible thing for a man to say to a woman..! It reminded me of something similar that happened to me years ago, I used to work in a stressful factory job, hot, smelly sweaty work.. and you had to work fast & efficient or you fell behind.. and my (female) leadhand said to me once, “you pack like a man” (packing the flowerpots we made) At the time I thought it was… Read more »
Renee Wade
Guest

Hahahaha (re missing it like a hole in the head). 🙂

Tanya Rachel Wieczorek
Guest
Tanya Rachel Wieczorek

It was a horrible job 🙁

Renee Wade
Guest

;( you poor thing.

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