If we as women, are truly feminine at our core but reject it, we can sometimes find ourselves in dating situations where the man doesn’t commit, even after the relationship got sexual. Especially after the relationship got sexual. Wanting a woman for sex is one thing, but wanting a woman for a relationship, that tends to happen when a man perceives high value in a woman.

I have a couple of ideas on how our feminine energy can help us distinguish whether we are showing up in the dating market as a ‘one of many’, or a man’s ‘one and only’.

If you are truly a feminine woman at your core, but don’t know how to let your femininity surface, then you might be wasting a lot of your energy just pushing down your natural drivers, for the sake of being enough or gaining society’s acceptance, perhaps.

And even if you think you are happy, something might feel like it is missing some day. Why? Because you’re rejecting a part of yourself. Being able to claim your feminine energy is at the heart of your own happiness, and most definitely the happiness of your relationship. (Click here to complete the quiz on “How Feminine Am I Actually?”)

Our culture rejects a woman’s authentic femininity and has replaced it with ‘image-related’ ideas of femininity as well as masculinity. This can make things very hard for us.

So if you’ve ever felt like it’s incredibly hard to be feminine in today’s world, many women I speak to feel the same, and you are not alone.

Most women are more than happy to get dressed up, buy clothes that are on trend but clothes they don’t need, and wear bucket-loads of make up. This is not femininity. This is a trigger, and ‘cue’ or a ‘sign’ of femininity. It definitely has enormous value.

However, there’s a problem when this becomes the only idea of femininity. (read my article about how to be feminine)

Being a woman doesn’t mean you are feminine

As the common argument goes: “as long as I am a woman, I am feminine!Being a woman and being feminine apparently go hand-in-hand.

That’s like saying that starting a business means it will succeed, or because it’s an orange, it must be sweet.

Sure, most women are indeed very feminine at their core, but just because you’re a woman doesn’t mean you show up as feminine.

I have met women who were obviously soft, flowing, feminine souls in their core (or so I felt they were), but on the outside, they were intense, domineering, abusive women…and that wasn’t natural to them, because they were doing those things to be enough. To feel important. Not because they were just being themselves.

How would I know this? I don’t, necessarily. But this is just what I see in the world and it’s what I believe.

I test these women sometimes, and respond to their domineering, aggressive outsides without an attempt to be open and to soften them…sometimes, they begin to respond with a cover up of what their actions were for. I believe this is because they know, inside, with their infinite bodily intelligence, that their actions were a facade. They weren’t being who they truly are.

We are all either more masculine, feminine or neutral at our core

We are all either more masculine, feminine or neutral at our core, and when this is suppressed, either by choice or through conditioning (usually a combination of both) we become dead human beings. Think of people waiting on the seats on the subway in the morning.

Imagine the look on their faces, especially women. (Click here to take the quiz “How High Value High Status Am I on Facebook?”)

Imagine their posture. How are they holding themselves? Are their shoulders slumped? Are the corners of their mouth sloping downwards? Are their mouths tight? Are they sensual or are they rigid? Or are they free? Do they smile or acknowledge you with their eyes or do they avoid looking at you?

There’s a reason why many women have trouble letting their true selves shine through, and it’s a very sad thing. That reason is:

How feminine energy is conditioned out of women

In many parts of our society, femininity and emotionality is made wrong. This starts in schools and with some parents. You can’t be like this, you can’t be like that. Sit down, shut up, wear the same thing as everybody else. Do the work. Get the result. Get an A. Suck it up. Please us. This is how you should do it. Get that career. Get in to debt. Die. (Whether literally or not).

And for a multitude of other reasons, women cover up their femininity, and just stop caring about themselves and others.

What happens when a woman’s emotionality or authentic feminine energy is made wrong? She covers it up and becomes a lifeless being. Some would say women become more masculine, and this is true sometimes, but my feeling is that women tend to become lifeless, lonely robots, masculine or not.

You could shake them up in a life-sized blender and they wouldn’t move an inch.

Women who are in this habitual state make themselves miserable, and make others around them miserable. It surfaces as ‘depression’, ‘anxiety disorder’, learned helplessness, an I don’t care attitude, or “I’m just career-oriented”.

What it really is is a part of us dying.

It’s easy to just say “well I don’t care”.

Until we do care.

Or, I guess, until life forces us to care.

Emotionality and authenticity is the core of femininity

The nature of femininity is that there is life. And there is emotion and authenticity, there is unpredictability and vulnerability, and there is sexuality. To be feminine you cannot be afraid of your own ability to feel, to enjoy and to influence.

Think of a woman, standing in front of you, smiling big. She’s smiling so big, and her smile is so energetic, you can’t help but smile back, but if you don’t smile back, her energy heals you. But this is not just a smile. Any woman on the street can pull a smile, and the majority of women pull smiles that are practiced.

A smile for the sake of a smile.

A smile that is pulled so that you can’t say I snobbed you off.

Going back to the woman. She’s smiling, right at you, all the while, her eyes are lit up, and she’s not shying away from the joy and the infectious energy that her smile brings. She’s irresistible. And I don’t mean sexually (though she is likely sexually irresistible too).

I mean, her energy is irresistible. When you’re around her, you feel more alive. You feel nurtured. Once she’s in your life, you really can’t imagine life without her. She’s a special friend or a special lover.

If she’s sad, her tears fall unapologetically. If she’s hurt, you can see it. If she’s angry, you can see it, and you can feel it.

Most important: she’s not rejecting her feelings.

She’s not rejecting parts of herself.

This is scary for many of us women today. We think authenticity is wrong, because it has indeed been made wrong. Women are raised today to go for the kill. That is not a problem in itself but it is when women feel rejected for being truly feminine.

The scary thing about this is that many women have sweet-talked themselves in to believing that feminine energy is wrong. It’s not ok to feel vulnerable.

We are taught to please and to conform from a very young age. But I’m glad to say that I do see the tide turning. And I am personally also extremely, extremely blessed to have a handful of girlfriends who are feminine, authentic and real in my presence. They gift me with their authenticity, their tears, their laughter and their affection (thanks JF AND YT).

It’s also very hard when there are also some men out there in the big wide world make a woman’s emotionality wrong.

“Stop being dumb”.

“What a crazy bitch”.

“Why are you so emotional?”

This is not about being an emotional wreck (although you are free to be that too). It’s about showing who you really are as a woman, and feeling what you really feel. If your life is always about getting things done, pleasing people, achieving something, keeping to the ‘rules’, pretending you don’t have fears, and you are always up to your neck in responsibilities, your femininity is probably being suppressed. (read my article about the secret to being yourself)

Feminine energy is scary

Women who freely express what they’re feeling scare a lot of other women. Why does it scare them? Because they have rejected this about themselves. They’ve got to be ‘in control’. There’s nothing wrong with that either.

But my question is:

How free do you really feel when you put encumbrances on what you can or can’t be?

How free do you really feel when you put restrictions on what you can or cannot feel?

How free do you really feel when you make your very own essence as a woman wrong?

I see women everywhere, every day putting other women down for being real and feminine. A spontaneous laugh that is authentic and silly; that expresses true joy and vulernability is scowled at.

A woman screams once more than is ideal on television and she’s just a nuisance.

A woman who is not afraid of her femininity, her sensuality and sexuality and ability to enchant is unfairly labelled a slut or treated as an outcast, though maybe all she’s doing is gifting people with her energy.

A lot of women do often project something that is fake (fake feminine) – some women cry repetitively to get attention, or scream to get attention. They try to get something from men, as if men should just be there at their beck and call.

This is not real or authentic, and it’s not feminine. It is just manipulative and a sign of desperation.

I have a really goofy side and a childlike girly side that would make many a modern woman sick to the stomach. But I don’t make it wrong, because I don’t want to suppress different parts of myself. I also have a masculine side if the situation calls for it.

To be human, and indeed, to be a human female means to allow the full expression of yourself and your femininity.

Here is what you can do to become more feminine:

1)Look toward the men (or the man) in your life and allow them to influence you. consciously allow yourself to feel happy, excited, and attracted to masculine men or the man in your life. Masculine men have a wonderful gift to give you, and that is realizing your own feminine energy (warning: do be careful! Some men will want to just take advantage of you).

If you feel yourself rejecting their masculine energy (you’ll usually feel it in your body), ‘wanting to keep it out’,  or not allowing men to influence you (like so many women do for the need to not be out of control, or for the need to be independent), just remember that that is a part of yourself you are rejecting.

If you feel yourself rejecting men or their masculine energy (usually out of fear – move your body to a different position, or rapidly change your posture and you will feel different.

In return, you will feel men and women expressing their appreciation for your energy.

Allowing a man to influence you could mean acknowledging their presence and their masculinity and what a gift that is, because men these days also reject their own masculine energy. It could mean letting a man you don’t know open a door for you or letting your man put a big smile on your face.

2) Consciously notice yourself when you are rejecting other women for being feminine or for being themselves. A huge warning sign! If you reject other women, or you judge them, you’re not being smart or superior, what you are really doing is dis-owning a part of yourself, and you’re not free. And what happens when you’re not free, is you cannot be feminine and you become tight, controlling and dead.

This is probably a bit tiring, for you.

3) Surround yourself with feminine women and celebrate their feminine energy.

4) You must hold the belief that your feminine energy is a gift. It’s you being authentic. It’s not selfish, it’s not stupid. It’s a gift to yourself and to your man, and to any other men in your life. Just as you would love and appreciate a masculine man of integrity who is present, humorous and confident, other human beings feel your feminine energy as a gift, even if they can’t consciously define it as feminine. These 17 feminine attraction triggers that I’ve put together are a door way to your outer and inner feminine essence. Click here to get it and get the first volume of Attraction Control Monthly for free.

Now, over to you. Please share your thoughts and experiences. Let us know of any thoughts you have that could help other women embrace their femininity.

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122 Comments on "How Most Women Reject their Femininity & How You Can Stand Out from the Crowd"

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Sofia
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I agree with you Renee i am grateful that am different from the rest of the women thanks to your articles i really appreciate that

Amy Elizabeth
Guest

I have had a hard time with this my whole life. I am naturally a very feminine woman and never felt shame in expressing my emotions. As i grew older though i was taught masculine strategies , especially in the work place. I find myself confused and sometimes ashamed of howni act because im supposed to be more “tough”. Its been hard to date because I’m not sure which role to take. If i dont work and let a man support

Puk
Guest
I am from Scandinavia, and here, being feminine equals being weak. It reminds people of the 50’s where women had no choices. They HAD to be housewives and their opinions held no value. But being without choice because of your gender, and unconsciously being feminine, because thats how you were born and created biological, are two very different things. I see no problem with different types of females, that some are more masculine than others. But I also believe most women, because of their biology, are similar in many aspects. So telling women/girls what most were biologically programmed to be… Read more »
Jessica A Haines
Guest

Renee, I love you. Thank you for saving my sanity and that of all those around me. Thank you for giving me license to truly live and feel alive. To stop
Swallowing or talking myself out of feelings of being “overly emotional” you are an angel.

Renee Wade
Guest

Thanks Jessica, and thanks for reading! 🙂

quepingaeh
Guest
But men love to repress a woman natural feminine expression for control purposes and tell her that she needs to adapt to the “real world” which is of course a world made by men for men, and now men also want relationships to be on their terms or they withdraw quickly and go to the next girl if you don’t give up the goods during the first week of dating.If she shows emotions she gets shot down. If she expresses her future dreams of having a family she’s deemed a clingy naive girl and be left alone. In conclusion MEN… Read more »
quepingaeh
Guest
Well, what is there to do when men are the cause of almost all your problems? They deny you employment or benefits and they have a sarcastic face looking down on you when you are applying for a job at their business/firm? What do you do when you are 28 years old and never been in a relationship because you have a skin disease and you are not deemed “hot stuff” to date when there are so many other alternatives out there? What to do when you have an unconventional personality and they call you a weirdo or a freak… Read more »
Akaijaha Phills
Guest

I enjoyed this article. I’ve always believed that just because men and women are different and have different roles, it doesn’t mean one is better than the other. I think women are the back bone, the caretaker, and loving. While men are the providers and protectors. But lately a lot of feminazis will be so rude and think my views are sexist.

Jim Johnson
Guest

Yin and Yang, Masculinity and Femininity…….they go together. The feminist “I don’t need a man” attitude is very similar to the MGTOW movement. Both sides are missing out on their God given roles and are consequently unhappy.

Don Frampton
Guest

God given roles? Look, I would much rather enjoy gals that have some feminine qualities. But God given roles..? That is sexist by many many peoples definition, both from guys and gals.

Jim Johnson
Guest

Guys have penises, girls have vaginas.

Yes, there is a difference.

Lia
Guest

Im años independent woman its not im rejecting my feminity its i move alone in this world. I love men. 99% men look for sex or acoso and i hide my feminity for that reason.

Jim Johnson
Guest

There is nothing wrong in looking for sex, or being sexy. The trick is to not hand it out to everyone on the third date like I see so many westernized women do. Until he puts a ring on your finger, sex is the antithesis of commitment and your femininity.

If you set your standards high and require the wedding ring before the ding ding, you will get the commitment you are looking for.

Dina Strange
Guest

It’s nearly impossible to be feminine anymore. Any sign of femininity and don’t confuse it with being sexual is destroyed. Its like there is war on a feminine woman. War from society, from media, from men.

Weakness and vulnerability are looked down at or taken advantage of. Both men and women are exhausted from fighting and putting on fronts. Personally, its been extremely hard to keep whatever remnants of femininity left in me intact…

It’s all incredibly sad.

Renee Wade
Guest
Hi Dina, I am sorry to see that you feel this way, but I do understand. Sometimes we see in the world what we also believe ourselves, though – we are just projecting it outwards to the world, so maybe you are fearful that it will make you not enough to show a vulnerability to someone and they will look down upon you. But honestly, I have found that not only are people most beautiful and real when they’re vulnerable – invulnerable people are the ones who tend to be very lonely. Lots of people appreciate vulnerability – they may… Read more »
TheLittleHolyInfantJesusBlesse
Guest
TheLittleHolyInfantJesusBlesse

Exactly. Much of the things women used to do are not valued and are rejected, mainly by the feminists, but to a lesser degree, by some men, ironically. However, I think weakness and vulnerability are looked down upon, mainly by women because they think that women who are weak and vulnerable will be taken advantage of by men, but much of this is either relatively unfounded or exaggerated to make women feel paranoid about something that hasn’t to her yet, assuming something does happen.

Don Frampton
Guest
Many guys from Western Countries; i.e. Canada, USA, Australia, Great Britain don’t trust gals! Both genders manipulate the other. Gals seem to be on testosterone walking around behaving as guys! Both genders use their rationale for making decisions. For guys, we use a “mechanics” type of approach. What is the part that needs to be repaired or replaced. Ok.. done! Guys also use this towards their logical thinking. If enough Ford Taurus cars keep coming in with transmission failures, most guys would say that you should stay away from that car because based on his experience and the experience of… Read more »
Eve
Guest

“Authenticity”? The last thing most of us with female bodies need is to be told to be more feminine. We’ve been told that all our lives. It took me decades to accept myself as I was, a not particularly feminine person, and see that as OK.
Yes, feminine traits are also ok, but demanding them of a person simply because they have a uterus is cruel and bigoted.

Karma
Guest

Being a woman is a gift and I cherish it. I was raised that I had to be more masculine even though I was very feminine and still am. I have learned to love myself and accept who I am. I refused to be what society tried to force on me.

Super Janice
Guest

You are very courageous!

Don Frampton
Guest

Exactly! The same holds true for us guys. Many of us no longer want to be demanded to act and perform a certain way simply because we have testicles. That is also cruel and bigoted by yester years outdated images. Neither guys nor gals want to live in the Stone Age of the 1950’s.

Kevin
Guest
Hi Renee , Stumbled upon this site & I’m impressed !! From a male point of view , truly feminine women are very rare in the West. It is NOT your fault , the media is controlled by those that have a vested interest in creating a confused , hate filled ” society ” with everyone at each others throats. I think women as emotional thinkers , are more prone to media programming. We men are constantly portrayed as worthless , stupid , expendable sex crazed rapist beasts ( extremists have hijacked true equality Feminism & turned it into an… Read more »
Jessica
Guest
The truth is many of the roles between men and women have changed throughout these decades. Nowadays, we women have to take care of our children and ourselves by ourselves because the majority of men have presented themselves as the things you have described Kevin. Men have become lazy as well. This is why women hate men and end up becoming lesbians. There are very few good men left and very few good women left because the sexes have put each other through too much nonsense and has caused this hatred and resentment between men and women. I am married… Read more »
Kevin
Guest

Thanks for your response , Jessica & unlike a lot of women , you have not launched into a man bashing tirade & realise it’s a problem for both genders as there is no polarity , ie men generally are not masculine & have no integrity , whilst too many women behave in a masculine way & are negative towards men…both genders have become , in most cases , unattractive to the other. Put this way , if I was single , I would never , ever bother dating & stay solo.

Jessica
Guest

You’re welcome Kevin. I agree with you on avoiding dating altogether if I was single and be solo. It’s a shame that people don’t realize how serious and hurtful this situation is.

Karma
Guest

I thank goddess every day for my husband.

Jessica
Guest

I thank God for my husband as well. We both have wonderful men in our lives. I actually feel sorry for those who reject themselves and others who want to be a part of their lives.

Badger BadgerBadger
Guest
“Hurtful” is the go-to female claim that she is right and men are all wrong. It’s not valid. If women were interested in crediting men where credit is due, and serving men in an equal fashion as men serve you, we would not have the endless sexism of countless irresponsible women. Maybe think before you unleash your unwanted and useless tirades of emotion against the billions of men who make your life pretty damn easy to live, stop lashing out at others for the terrible decisions you made, and take a look at your powerlessness to earn the love and… Read more »
Jessica W
Guest

First off, I’m the one who posted the comment. Secondly, I’m not playing the blame game. Third, I’m happily married and look at life from both sides of the coin, not just one like you are.

Badger BadgerBadger
Guest

You paint yourself a fine listener when you are one of the worst I’ve ever seen. My soul reels in pain for your poor husband.

Badger BadgerBadger
Guest
Wow. More of this? The truth is women have always been negative and a liability for men. Women have never really felt the need to do for men what they expect from men. Thank god things have changed so that men are not individually responsible for women and their problems. Women can happily leech off of society while treating us like crap–we don’t have to go down trying to discipline them and turn them into productive members of the human race anymore. Of course that doesn’t stop them from destabilizing men’s lives and taking as much as they can of… Read more »
Jessica W
Guest

That’s on them and you. I don’t have those problems because my husband and I work together and not against each other. Men and women will do whatever men and women will allow them to do to each other. No need to be bitter and take your frustration out on me because you choose to look at life on one side of the coin instead of both.

Badger BadgerBadger
Guest
I don’t have those problems because I don’t tolerate them and I don’t have to lie about it. Men and women will all be paralyzed once the ego of women has sufficiently run its course in trying to dominate society. No need to be bitter and take your frustration out on me because your reading comprehension and knowledge of the world are so incredibly lacking. You see nothing but your own agenda, my dear. You can trash that condescending tone whenever you’re ready. I don’t tolerate that junk from those who enjoy the sound of their own eardrum as much… Read more »
Jessica W
Guest

Not condescending at all. I look at life on both sides of the coin, not just one.

Don Frampton
Guest
There are men that would step up and provide for the family. Part of the problem that society does not want to acknowledge and then discuss is how men are treated by the judicial system, the main stream media, tv shows and I’m daily life. When a group is continuously called dumb, stupid, animals, sexists pigs. When a group is portrayed as incapable of doing anything right on tv shows, sitcoms, social media, then that group will either unite and fight or collectively walk away. Think of slavery. One group put down. They United and fought. Women’s right to vote?… Read more »
Sarah Louise
Guest
I hear you Kevin! I would have to say from my experiences I have realized I was definitely rejecting parts of myself as a teen and early twenties. Back then i was definitely showing up as more masculine. I’m now only 24 and have grown a lot as a person and have discovered a lot more of my femininity and definitely feel more like my true self thanks to Renee. I have to say, I have sadly seen a lot of hate towards men from women in general! I personally do not condone that hate and I choose to show… Read more »
Don Frampton
Guest
Sarah L. It’s nice to hear a gal acknowledging that there is a large percentage of gals that openly show hatred towards us guys. I’ve been told not to use the word ‘Woman’ nor ‘Female’ because they have ‘man’ and ‘male’ in the word. You can’t say ‘manager’ either in some businesses. ‘Supervisor, Executive Assistant, Lead Coordinator, etc. We guys are increasingly giving up on gals. Just my observation. A large percentage of gals do seem angry, cut throat and down right mean. It’s like the are taking testosterone injections and morphing into gays. I as a gay don’t like… Read more »
Velvet
Guest
I totally agree with many of the points discussed in this article, its like deep down inside there is a part of me that “knows” this but has been unable to articulate it. I have become emotionally stifled and played dead all my life in an attempt to just survive. Ive been living in survival mode and all this femininity stuff sounds super scary, but ive come to a point where i feel like its either I change or I die. I wish all women knew from a young age that their personal power wasnt scary. i wish I knew… Read more »
Nichole
Guest

I just have to say you are brilliant and amazing. So wise at such a young age. You must be such a joy to your husband. Just in a day of reading your knowledge you have made an angry woman masculine woman stop dead in her tracks, and re-examine myself and the terror and torment I was creating. Made me realize how truly blessed I am to still have an amazing husband by my side. Thank you for your wonderful talents and may God bless you and your family.

Ana
Guest

Interesting, I do like my femininity, I just don´t feel attracted to men, I don´t see how allowing a man in my life would heighten my femininity. That´s why I love women, I love to be surrounded by the energy. I can´t think of a way a man would make me feel better about my femininity. I already do.

Don Frampton
Guest

More and more of us guys look at it similarly. We don’t see what a woman would bring to our lives as a benefit. We don’t look for other dudes in the same way women do with other women. That gets creepy and you start to wonder if one guy is interested in another guy. Big NO for 99% of us guys. One of the quickest ways for a full out no holds fight.

Alicia
Guest
With love
Guest

I feel this article hits the nail on the head as to where I’m most defiently going wrong in my life – unknowling.

All my life I really struggled to express my true feelings; the anger, sadness, frustration, you name it, possibly every emotion going and then I hit a break through this week that made me realise that everything that I needed to know and everything is going to be ok and I can’t wait to embrace the feminine!

X

Nadia
Guest

I love this! Its become a crime to show emotion, to cry or anything. Yay to being feminine 😀

Angel-Eyes
Guest
Aww, this is lovely…it’s so acknowledging and acepting of human beings. It makes me wonder now why people have been rejecting themselves for so long and why they aren’t expressing themselves as real human being. I think-feel one of the key answers is to push past resistance. Perfection was and still possibly is something to work past so that’s when I realized, get a piece of paper, make sure it’s scruffy and write on it any how, because it really doesn’t matter at the end of the day, it’s just a piece of paper and the worlds not going to… Read more »
potsynolls
Guest
This article is written under the gross assumption that females are nothing but sugar and spice which is total boloney. Females need a reality check big time. It’s one thing to encourage an authentic self in women by tapping into their femininity, but it’s not okay for this article to leave out the perks, and privileges associated with being female and to not go on with the complete story as if there are no areas for improvement. Everyone in society has to conform in some respects and live up to something while some females want everything in the world to… Read more »
Don Frampton
Guest
Treat all adults exactly the same all of the time. Men treat women the same way that the treat and interact with other men. Women treat men the same way the treat other women. If a man can something, so too can a woman. If a woman can do something, so too can a man. I know some are thing the birthing that only women can do..so ok. That is the only difference. But not for long. The ability to have a child without a woman’s womb is already in development! The ability to have a child without a male… Read more »
Joan
Guest
Today I’m feeling a little scared and angry over my past because I was not being my authentic self throughout my life. Now I’m scared of feeling vulnerable because I know how others see it as being weak. The last thing I want to be is weak. But just them telling me I’m weak does not make me weak. We have to stop caring what others think of us. And responding to that because it is not our gift to people. Its hard to give the gift of true authentic feminine energy. It breaks down the barriers that society has… Read more »
JB
Guest

Agreed!

Karma
Guest

Joan, we have been programmed to hate our true nature and our vulnerability. The world tries to reinforce that daily. Don’t cheat your inner girl out of another day of joy and laughter no matter who tells you to grow up and put your jeans on. Your souls health, your intuition is your motivation and guide. Be wild, raw and scrupulously YOU!

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