If He Loves You More Than You Love Him, Is It Worth A Chance?

Hi Renee,

I have been following your blog and it has changed my life significantly. Thank you.
I recently met a guy who I believe truly loves me, the problem is, He has a lot of habits I used to have but worked really hard on myself to quit.(ex. talking too much)
If I am being honest, am not sure I love this man but I realized I have been too picky with men.

This guy calls me, checks up and tells me he loves me often (too often even).
Should I give him a chance?

Hi “Phoenix”,

I began to reply to you in the comments on my blog, but figured I would respond in a blog post, so here it is!

This is such an important topic and your question is a good one. Yet I’m going to start by suggesting that you are either saying one of two things here:

1: You are considering giving this man a chance because of a lack of better options around. (Because let’s face it, if there was a 10/10 man at your front door right now, interested in you, you wouldn’t even be considering this man whom you don’t really love)

2: You could be saying that this man actually has ‘potential’ to be a High Value mate, yet, you really have an issue with being too judgemental of men. And – you being judgemental puts your guard up, closes you off, and stops you from forming beautiful, spontaneous connections with men.

Which one are you saying? They are two different situations. However, what is interesting is that you can utilise situation number 1 to potentially raise your value and hope that you will soon enough attract a man who is High Value (or an 8/10 and above) in to your life.

You might not really desire this man, but ask yourself the question – could you and do you want to consider spending some time with him, practicing your connection skills, so that you become more skillful and confident at connecting and playing? All for the purpose of raising your value so that you can attract the mate that you want?

Some would suggest that this behaviour would be leading a man on. And I guess that could be true. However, if you wanted to try and genuinely connect with him, and after a short time cut it off (if you truly feel that you both do not have a genuine, unique connection), there’s nothing wrong with that. There’s nothing wrong with having given it a go – as long as your intention was to connect. Why? Because if your intention is to connect, then you would naturally cut him off when you feel the time is right, and you won’t go around hurting anybody.

A genuine desire to connect with also help you to be more finely attuned to the situation, which a lot of people are not these days.

Could your judgement be a possible blockage to connection?

I would suggest that you don’t want to give a man a chance ‘for the sake of it’ . However, what you said about being picky is smart and important – what if you remove the judgement of his behaviour completely for a week, and connect with him heart-to-heart, and really have a true intent to connect, and feel him, and feel how you feel around him?

If you (like many of us women) are too quick to judge men who don’t immediately give the impression of High mate value, then that judgemental habit can potentially (key word: potentially, because sometimes you really don’t want to give low value men any chances at all) – but a judgemental habit can be a blockage to having true vulnerable, spontaneous, heart-open connection with someone. And you could end up alone because of it.

On the other hand, you need to really reach inside, and feel yourself. Is your body truly telling you ‘no’ to this man? Do you intuitively feel – and know – that he is low value, but you just think you should give him a chance for no good reason other than it fits your identity of giving things a go? Because that can be a real waste of time.

The other thing you need to be aware of is just not to jump into giving him a chance just to take value only because he’s the only man who is currently offering you anything. In this case, the words “give him a chance” is really just code for: see if you should take the mediocre value he is offering since there’s no better option in men around?

Do it for the connection, not to take attention and value

Having said that, I am not saying that you should disregard him altogether. You could give him a chance, but on one basis only: for the reason that you could practice having vulnerable connection with him until it no longer feels right to continue.

Don’t force a relationship just because he likes you and is being generous with his attention, because chances are, he may not even truly love you, he could be looking for sex.

You mentioned: “This guy calls me, checks up and tells me he loves me often (too often even)” – RED FLAG. Where is the red flag? It is in the way you said he might check up on you ‘too often’. Coupled with the fact that you don’t really love this man, the fact that you’re saying that you don’t really love this man, this all presents a possible problem.

Here’s what I mean: If you say he’s doing it ‘too often’, then it could mean these things:

1: He is not attuned to you (he doesn’t really care where you’re at), he’s just looking for sex or something casual.

2: He just wants to take value because he senses that you like the attention, and you liking the attention means you could be a sexual opportunity. When we are blinded by our own need for attention, we can easily become prey to men.

No, I’m not pointing the finger here, cause I know that women generally enjoy attention from men – the only issue with that is when our need to take attention from the world is so great that we ignore our body’s messages to us (intuition) and ignore the truth of what’s happening right in front of our eyes.

Men who are High Value, who are genuinely falling in love, or feeling a real connection with you, won’t ‘check up on you too often’ in a way that makes you feel like it is ‘too often’ or ‘too much’. Because they don’t need to! They can have women whenever they want. They’ll sense the lack of enthusiasm on your part, and they will usually accept it or leave with grace. A High Value man will simply move on.

Check out this article on The Two Traits of Women That Men Routinely Fall In Love With.

The answer here really is: If you feel like you can go ahead with him, purely for the reason that you enjoy practising to connect, then you could consider doing that.

Other than that – don’t waste his time and yours, I say, if you’re only doing it for lack of better options in your life right now. I don’t say that because you’d be leading him on, I say it for your benefit. I say it because of the fact that you’d only be perpetuating your own habit of ‘settling for whatever scraps you can get’. That is a dangerous habit to get stuck in, because it keeps you low value.

Do you have a hole from the past that needs to be filled with attention?

At some point, many of us, (you and I included) have to look deep within, and ask ourselves this:

“Is it him that I want the attention from? Or am I just missing attention from when I was a little girl, and desperately want to fill that void now?”

If you didn’t receive enough attention as a little girl, or if you DID receive plenty of attention, but for whatever reason, you didn’t actually let yourself receive that attention to the fullest (which is true of most women, because we are coy and pretend we don’t need attention so that other women don’t hate us), then you’re in trouble.

You need to revisit old memories and fill that hole that is labelled ‘Attention from people’ up before you take the next turn in the dating market. Just so that you feel that you’ve received attention in abundance in this lifetime.

If you don’t take the time to do this, to add value to yourself, you will keep making decisions that eat away at your chances of genuinely falling in love and meeting ‘the one’.

At the end of the day, this is what all this stuff is really about: adding value to yourself. That’s the very best thing you can do, so that you can walk tall, proud and live in a body that you are proud of.

I hope this helped. 🙂
email_polaroid

P.S. Here’s a quiz we created that will help you answer, “How Feminine Am I?”

Leave a Reply

31 Comments on "If He Loves You More Than You Love Him, Is It Worth a Chance?"

avatar
  Subscribe  
newest oldest most voted
Notify of
Maja Wallengren Spillingthebea
Guest
Maja Wallengren Spillingthebea
Dear Renee and all the other women reading along here, I am thrilled to see this post here in writing as I rarely have time to watch videos in full. SO first of all thanks so much for doing this dual written-video post here. This time the post in question here got me SO emotionally involved that I want to share my own story here, a story which I hope can serve as an inspiration to never give up in the quest for finding real and lasting love, and a story which I hope will bring encouragement to all the… Read more »
Maja Wallengren Spillingthebea
Guest
Maja Wallengren Spillingthebea
I realized that I had zero interest in dancing with anybody else — which really is the norm in that kind of Latino club, that you go and you dance with everybody, even if you come with a partner. Toward the end of the evening I suddenly started feeling butterflies all over and around. And it was driving me completely crazy, in the best of ways. So I did what I do best, took a hard look at myself from above and tried to understand what was going and — following my intuition — I asked myself to be honest… Read more »
Maja Wallengren Spillingthebea
Guest
Maja Wallengren Spillingthebea
Dear Rene and all the other women reading along here, I am thrilled to see this post here in writing as I rarely have time to watch videos in full. SO first of all thanks so much for doing this dual written-video post here. This time the post in question here got me SO emotionally involved that I want to share my own story here, a story which I hope can serve as an inspiration to never give up in the quest for finding real and lasting love, and a story which I hope will bring encouragement to all the… Read more »
Renee Wade
Guest
Ok Maja! I have now read your comments – every word. I like that you’ve told us your story in detail here, and not just a snippet. Thank You. I am very happy for you that you have found a wonderful connection with this man, and that’s what matters: you found a genuine connection. Congratulations for sticking to what you are willing to accept in a relationship and I respect the fact that you want to take great care with your relationship. You certainly have grown wise, experienced and thoughtful as time has gone by. Regarding your belief on one… Read more »
Morgan
Guest
Hi, I know I’ve already commented but I noticed something about myself and I was wondering your thoughts if you don’t mind. I realized that I may feel and awknowledge that a man is masculine. Yet, I won’t be attracted to him. In fact, sometimes I may even feel a bit repelled, as harsh as that may sound. I believe I am very feminine, especially after taking your quizes and also after realizing that I’m generally very attracted to masculine men. For most masculine men, I find them incredibly attractive!! But sometimes, a man will come along who is also… Read more »
Renee Wade
Guest

Hi Morgan…just because you intellectually know a man is masculine, it doesn’t mean you will feel attraction for him. 🙂

Morgan
Guest

That’s all I needed to hear, as long as there isn’t something wrong or some kind of deeper issue. Thank you!! 🙂

Morgan
Guest
Hi, I know I’ve already commented but I noticed something about myself and I was wondering your thoughts if you don’t mind. I realized that I may feel and awknowledge that a man is masculine. Yet, I won’t be attracted to him. In fact, sometimes I may even feel a bit repelled, as harsh as that may sound. I believe I am very feminine, especially after taking your quizes and also after realizing that I’m generally very attracted to masculine men. For most masculine men, I find them incredibly attractive!! But sometimes, a man will come along who is also… Read more »
Sherry Thompson
Guest

Renee: When you said:
“You need to revisit old memories and fill that hole that is labelled ‘Attention from people’.” really hit me hard! This is a HUGE issue for me. But can you explain how to do this? When I travel down memory lane, what do I do to resolve these issues / fill that unmet need / close out the issue, etc.?? Thank you.

Sherry Thompson
Guest

Renee: When you said:
“You need to revisit old memories and fill that hole that is labelled ‘Attention from people’.” really hit me hard! This is a HUGE issue for me. But can you explain how to do this? When I travel down memory lane, what do I do to resolve these issues / fill that unmet need / close out the issue, etc.?? Thanks.

Jennifer Brownlow
Guest

Hi

Renee Wade
Guest

Hi Jennifer, are you trying to post a longer comment?

phoenix
Guest

Thank you Renee. I appreciate your Response.

Renee Wade
Guest

Nice to see you here, Phoenix! Thanks for asking the question. 🙂

Phoenix Ifeoma
Guest

Thank You Renee. I appreciate your response and explaining so clearly

nena
Guest
This is a great post from a very smart and sensitive woman 🙂 Chemistry is the most important element in a relationship (for me) because it comes from our body so it is real!i couldn t imagine myself being with a man 24/7 without feeling the heat! I have my own story to submit that proves Renne is right!there was a guy after me for about 1,5 year!I let him hang around for attention and out of fear that i wont have anyone around!one day i decided to put him in test (the guy had a very badly broken nose)… Read more »
Maja Wallengren Spillingthebea
Guest
Maja Wallengren Spillingthebea

Dear Rene

Katerina
Guest
This was an amazing video Renee, thank you so much! I’m enrolled into your courses and love them and I find it so exciting that your “free” content is always so profound and valuable. I’m happy to consider you as one of my dearest teachers although we have never met. I’m experiencing a similar situation. I ended a long ambivalent relationship with a man I loved a year ago and since then I’m more consciously commited on my healing, expansion and my work. My profession is my soul expression as well. (I’m a visual artist) I’m not going out much… Read more »
Renee Wade
Guest
Hey Katerina, thanks for sharing here! It is very interesting as I feel that this man’s fantasy that he has created around you is exactly a possible sign of lack of attunement. The rudeness you think you are showing is useful. It is there for a reason – it is there to calibrate you to the situation. I don’t think your body wants you to enter a relationship just because it can provide what you missed in the last one. So you are having these bigger (rude) responses to him than you would normally feel comfortable with – listen to… Read more »
Katerina
Guest

Thank you so much for your reply Renee 🙂
Yes… If I’m honest about how I feel it’s a No… It’s my head that says “Maybe”. Seeing how easily everyone around me is dating and having sex just to “test” it out affects my mind sometimes. And I was also thinking about the rebound concept after a breakup. But I suppose these things should feel natural the least otherwise it’s what you say about wanting to take value from others and being inauthentic.
All my love

Lucia
Guest

You are so beautiful, Renee! And you’ve got charisma for the camera. Plus wonderful content of the video. Definitely keep on doing this!

Renee Wade
Guest

Aw thanks very miuh Lucia!!

Anna C
Guest
Dear Renée, beautiful video. I’m definitely loving the video blogs. (Vlogs?) I hear what you say on attunement: when a person is emotionally aware, and therefore high value, they will have the sensory acuity to know how much love and attention is comfortable to the other party, and would have gotten the vibes from the woman to tone it down. My impression from the red flag you noticed on the “checking up too often” could be indicative of a possessive personality, potentially controlling… and you know where that could lead. My intuition on this type of behavior, in this case,… Read more »
Renee Wade
Guest

Hm. I really like what you said “he may be going through the motions of love”, that’s true, and a great way to put it.
Thanks for your comment Anna! 🙂

ne
Guest

you are so beautiful !
i couldn’t stop staring at your hair during that video!
and about what you saying my situation is excatly the opposite😞
i may giving up on him soon

Renee Wade
Guest

Thanks so much ne! Hard for me to say much given the lack of details re your situation, however I do hope that you come to the right decision for not just this moment, but for your future confidence and health.

Morgan
Guest
Hi Renee, love this article. I feel that my situation is a bit different, and I was wondering what your thoughts were. I’ve been going on dates with this guy, who is very very closed off. What I mean is he doesn’t really have any expression on his face, almost never. But he has told me through text that he has a serious crush on me. And had admitted to me that he gets scared around women and has social issues in general when I asked him about it. And I thought it was sweet of him to confess that… Read more »
Renee Wade
Guest
Your comment only showed up once Morgan, so that’s good! Well from your perspective it probably seems like he is showing up Low Value, and he is from the perspective that he isn’t offering any responsiveness to you – in that sense, for a relationship, he is being low value but it doesn’t necessarily mean he is low value – we could also consider all the other things he might bring to the table….but none of those matter if you guys cannot form a connection, right? I can imagine that this man’s un-expressiveness isn’t too uncommon in this day and… Read more »
Morgan
Guest
Haha! Scared me for a second with that serial killer thing lol! Thank you so much!! Yes, his eyes do seem vacant, but I’ve seen glimpses of emotion in there, it’s just been odd how quickly he goes blank again. And a few hours ago he asked me why I felt he was closed off. And even asked me what I wanted to see from him instead. I told him he felt tense to me, but that I didn’t actually know what could be happening internally for him (I could if we were both open though). But I suggested confidence.… Read more »
Renee Wade
Guest

You’re welcome! 🙂

Morgan
Guest
Hi Renee, love this article. I feel that my situation is a bit different, and I was wondering what your thoughts were. I’ve been going on dates with this guy, who is very very closed off. What I mean is he doesn’t really have any expression on his face, almost never. But he has told me through text that he has a serious crush on me. And had admitted to me that he gets scared around women and has social issues in general when I asked him about it. And I thought it was sweet of him to confess that… Read more »

Send this to a friend