There’s a myth that all you need to do is be a nice girl or a “good person”, and then, everything you want will follow, and line up for you. Including a handsome prince who adores you.

This, in fact, is untrue. Don’t you know of anyone who is a really nice person, and yet still didn’t get what they “deserved” in life, their career, or their love life? I do. If I had a gold coin for every time I heard someone say: “why do BAD things happen to GOOD people?!” Do you know how rich I’d be?

So, the conventional idea of just being a good person is enough really needs to be challenged. Perhaps there is another path; a secret path or a forbidden rule of success in dating and relationships that we are never told because it’s taboo. Remarkable men and loving husbands don’t come in to your life and STAY in your life without commitment on your part. Commitment to continuously being the kind of woman who that kind of man would want to be with.

(Click here to take the quiz on “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?”)

So this means there can be no: “this is how I am, accept me or leave”. Or “This is how I am – deal with it”.

Is there a shortage of GOOD men?

Many single women bemoan the fact that there aren’t enough good men. This ONLY needs to be true for you if:

1) You SETTLE for this belief; or

2) You are not showing up as the kind of woman who is sure to attract the man of your dreams.

If YOU do not take the time to see the good in men, you are settling for a false sense of superiority. People in this position tend to be quite self-righteous. I hear it all the time from men and women: “oh, I don’t see why a woman WOULDN’T like me.” “Oh, men are PIGS.”

YOU will only attract mediocre men when dating or a mediocre man out of your current partner if YOU don’t do whatever it takes to get the relationship or man of your dreams. People end up in unfulfilling relationships because they have terrible (low) standards.

And I’m not talking about the kind of standards that lead you to say “oh well, I have high standards for men!” And be really proud of it and then you sit on your butt and do nothing. WAITING never got anybody anywhere.

No-one ever got a good man for just bitching and whining. (read my article about why women fail to attract men)

If we did, it would be easy. And if it was easy, everyone would have a fulfilling relationship for the long-term. And if everyone had an ultimately fulfilling relationship, then the fulfilling relationship would be devalued.

Some women let good men go or force men away, because of a lack of humility (among other things). A lack of character. One must push through resistance to grow, and to become MORE as a woman, so that you can attract a good or better man. And when you DO do this, guess what happens? You suddenly become deserving of this good man.

(Click here to take the quiz “How High Value High Status Am I on Facebook?”)

The rule of success…

This is the taboo solution. The forbidden rule of success, as simplistic as it may sound. This is what most people would rather not hear, and most parents would rather not tell their children. After all, it produces a much warmer and fuzzier feeling to hear that it would just all come together for us if we were just nice, good people.

The truth is that it’s not enough to just be a ‘good’ person. You can be a ‘good’ person or a ‘nice’ girl, but have poor standards. A poor outlook on relationships.

Like anything in life; once you begin to do something, to strive for something such as the ultimate fulfilling relationship – you will be met with resistance.

So, as difficult as it may be for some women, if you tend to complain about being single, or complain about your husband or boyfriend being lousy – it’s time to stop complaining and raise the standards you have for yourself.

Even if you attract a wonderful man and fall in love, 3-9 months down the track, when all the fuzzy feelings wear off, you’re going to have to find a way to grow and keep this relationship with this person you love so much. Again, if it was all so easy, we would all have it.

It’s like having good money management: if you do not invest, your money is being devalued, year after year.

Here is a quick example:

If you are a 10 out of 10 woman – will you date a man who is a 5/10? And I don’t mean looks. The answer is of course, a No. Because you know you deserve better. Not only this, but you would naturally ATTRACT better.

Do you know what naturally attracts men? Click here to find out the 17 Attraction Triggers.

JUST maintaining the status quo is not an option if you want the best. Whether that be in your relationship or in your life in general. You must always be bringing more to your current situation; to be improving it.

Over to you now, lovely. Yes you! 🙂 What do you think? Do you think there are lots of good men out there? Or do you think there is a shortage of good men?




  • Mary West

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  • Rosiebyanyothername

    I’ve been lucky in that most of the men I’ve had personal dealings with are sweethearts – even those whom I found terrifying initially because they swore every two seconds, lol. Unluckily for me, they’re also happily attached (I totally see the reason for that) and I’ve already received several wedding invitations. I think I haven’t been approaching relationships from the right point in the past. One of my teachers once said to focus less on finding Mr/Ms Right, and more on being Mr/Ms Right. I think that was probably good advice, but applying it is hard!

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  • I’m still a big believer that there are lots of good men out there. But in order to get the man of your dreams, do not expect perfection because you may be overlooking some stunning qualities of a man you did not even know you were looking for.

  • Angel-Eyes

    Recently in my life I told myself that I haven’t felt attraction for anyone for such a long time- I’m talking 2011 long time!
    It must have felt so long on a subconscious level because of the concern that arose to mind.

    It was derived from some silly subconscious pact that I’d made to myself :D, such as I must do this, I must do that, bla, bla, bla.

    Well no, I must not do anything other than be my authentic self; flaws and all!

    So the universe must have heard my thoughts because it sent a man on my path and it’s been so long since I allowed myself to open and receptive to the opposite sex that I felt completely out of tune with the synchronized dance of attraction.

    Do you know what the funny thing is though! In all my years of studying men I didn’t have the slightest inclination just how very tactile a mans mind can be or who they are at nature. It could be seen as funny if it didn’t have such an emotional impact on the feminine psych.

    I should be horrified with the person that came onto my life path recently but really I should be thanking them to no end for helping me to progress on my growth and spiritual life path.

    Last year I cut two men out my life thinking it was ok to treat men however providing their is no commitment there. I thought it was cool to disregard men’s feelings as well as my own in the interactions I have shared with others.

    However, I no longer think that life allows a person to cut of their growth and life lessons because it will just be manifested at a later point in life and that is what happened! The two people from last year came showed up again as this one person I recently met, only this time I’m dealing with two emotional bills of life in one person.

    I felt a strong attraction and that is because I realized this one important brought to service so many repressed unconscious emotions.

    The truth is a person showed up and brought to life some important lessons I needed to learn in life. It taught me so much, so I believe that a person will only attract who they are and what they put out in life.

    Attraction can feel tiring but then again we probably all have blocked and repressed so many things over the years that if your not choosing to grow and evolve every day then maybe life forces those changes to take place.

    Change has to come within 🙂

  • Holly

    This is a great article 🙂

    I use to have a friend that said the same thing in so many words. I’ll call him Ben. Ben said, “I’m a nice person”, as if that’s enough to get him a girlfriend.

    I did tell him that relationships aren’t built on niceness alone. What I was really dieing to say to him also was, “it’s ok Ben, your a nice person so that’s all that matters. Don’t worry about having a job, I’m cool with having a smoker for a boyfriend, even though I don’t smoke, you don’t have to take any interest in me as a person and ask about my life, you check out women in a secretive way, because that’s ok, being a no person is all that counts”.

    Well no! No it isn’t ok actually. For a woman to say I’m a nice person, and think they deserve a man is just kidding themselves, if it’s based on those foundations, because even if it kills you to be a better person, you will only get out of life what you put in.

    In my personal opinion, it takes a brave person to have the courage to be honest with yourself and stop taking the easy route.

    I use to drink coffee, I use to have 6+ cups in a day sometimes and as much as I loved it, I decided to stop drinking it because it ages the skin.

    Even if a person thinks their doing well in their life, believes themselves to be good, nice, or what ever glorified word they label themselves, theirs a good chance they might not be the person they think they are. It’s only by keeping an open mind and having a flexible attitude in life a person can begin to try and be the best version of themselves.

    Men too, I like to feel that I can keep an open mind and a flexible attitude when it comes to interacting with and understanding men. That’s all that I can do really is try my best.

  • Neferyuya

    I think there are a lot of good men out there.

    I think that one needs to not jump in too soon
    before you see enough of their moods too.

    I personally need to know how the coping style of a man meshes
    or does not mesh with mine. I am quick to help myself
    out of a bad mood for clarity to think straight – it would be
    hard to deal with a guy that just wallows in defeat or
    gets crazy at the sign of a problem for example.

    All types of people are good types for some one out there…
    just maybe not me.

  • Robin

    Thank you so much for this blog! I love it and plan to spend much time here catching up on everything. I’ve recently divorced from a long-term abusive marriage. I’ve done a lot of therapy and a lot of work healing myself and trying to be a better person. As luck would have it I did happen to meet the man of my dreams, a great guy – and even more luck, he’s pursuing me! I’m really trying to be a better person – more open, friendly, affectionate, etc. (being in a long term abusive marriage I have shut down emotionally in a lot of ways).
    It’s definitely a learning process, but I found a keeper and don’t want to lose him. At first I thought that my trying to be a “better person” for him would be doing something false – but thank you for this post because it’s changed my mind. Now I feel like I really should become more enjoyable for myself, and he’s helping provide some extra motivation.

    • Renee

      Hey Robin 🙂 You’re welcome, and congratulations to you for having higher standards for yourself.
      I hope you and this new man live a blissful life together. -XxX-

  • janet

    WOW… so much of what I stumbled upon, when finding this website, has totally hit home for me. Coming out of a train-wreck of a 10 year 2nd marriage, I could and did feel so used, devastated, angry, hurt, etc… all those emotions. I have scoured the internet and found some total healing and empowering information. I have also prayed for strength.

    As Ms Summer stated my motivations for finding the man of my dreams has completely changed. I am empowered! I see I my worth and that I am worthy. I had a husband who would not wear the pants and me the man in the relationship… I feel I was forced to wear all the pants. From managing all the finances, being “in control” of everything ( even though I so wanted and needed him to be in charge ) and even sexually initiating it all because he said he could not initiate anything – even so much as a kiss and hug.

    I am learning and will be a work in progress for many years … however I have learned about my lost femininity, which I love and so yearn to express. I have forgiven my ex… can feel that I am thankful for the relationship and what I have learned about myself since. I have learned that “loving” and being open to love is so key.

    Now, for the interesting part – I have happened upon a man that is a true “man” and has so many of the qualities that I want… It has only been 3 dates – and I am treading lightly in hopes of not pushing him away…we are doing one day at a time. I do want to be pursued and do not want to come across as needy and clingy. I wont and have not called him. In the past 8 months I have learned so much about loving, being feminine, and being open to love. I do feel like I have this renewed outlook on life as a whole… I know what my true feminine energy is and it affects all aspects of my life.

    Any thoughts or wisdom ( delivered kindly ) would be greatly appreciated from all of you readers…. in reference to proceeding openly, lovingly and not reverting back to prior feminine energy ways. I want to take one day at a time with this “man” and keep him coming back to me.

    Thank you and thanks Renee…. this is an awesome place for women!!

  • stefanie

    I’m not sure if I should feel proud that I have such a wonderful relationship, or worried that it’s not feeling like it’s a lot of effort! LOL

    I think it takes a certain type of geekiness! I have always, ever since I remember, wanted to have the fairytale life. And I have always, ever since I remember, read all information I could find about anything to do with men, attraction, love, sexuality, relationships and everything that could be related to this in some manner. I have always looked out for insights I could find by observing others. I have always discussed it to find out how everyone felt about it. I am a love-geek! It used to just be about the fairy tale, but now I realize what an enrichment a satisfying relationship is to life.

    I disagree on one point of the article though. I do not think the market laws apply to love – I do not think that relationships would be worth less, if they were easy to attain. I don’t think it’s about having something that other people don’t have – I actually believe that in the case of love, more is more.

  • I noticed my motivations for finding my dream man have completely changed! And for the better, as well, as I feel much more empowered. Finding someone strong who would stand up for me and for whatever I am feeling or saying is no longer highest priority next to good looks which would finally show the world how hot I must be to get such a guy;)I have truly been believing this!

    I am so grateful i read all your articles Renee and now know better. I actually feel prepared now to handle my emotions and to be strong in a feminine way – and give love to someone who might not have had an as loving childhood and friends to build a strong character on. I want to become that angelic woman and be a source of inner serenity and love to my man.

    This change in mindset also lifted a HUGE burden from my shoulders – I have been carrying a lot of responsibilities in my work and my home, not so much because there had not been someone else to carry them for me, but because I claimed them for myself, because I aimed for personal financial security and total control over my life. I was continuously stressed!

    Now, whenever I encounter a situation which would have stressed me previously, I have the long-term goal in mind: to be serene and at peace. Not that this worked from one day to the next, but I do feel much calmer.

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