You may already be a woman in some areas of your life.  One thing is for sure…the area of intimate relationships is the place where most of us show up as little girls and little boys.

Ironically…at the same time, we demand a man out of our partner. Or we claim that the dating market is full of little boys.

The truth is…we wouldn’t be so enthusiastic to say there are tonnes of little boys in the dating market if we were showing up as a woman. Because a woman notices the little boys, but her attention is too diverted towards the Real Men to complain about the boys.

First things first: it’s ok that you’re showing up more as a little girl than a woman, if you feel like you are. If you don’t acknowledge the little girl, then she will never let the woman appear. She will resist the Real woman in you until you give her the acknowledgement, love, and nurturing that this fearful little girl needs.

The little girl serves a purpose, and that is to keep you safe. Little girls are afraid, and usually deeply afraid. And intimate relationship is the area of life where she kicks and she screams. A lot. Or she holds back.

Afraid little girls don’t produce much attraction in a Real man. Afraid little girls produce tonnes of attraction in a boy, because boys go for what is easy. A real woman shows a sleazeball how his sleaziness makes her feel, so boys (who can be sleazeballs at the same time) know they can’t get their way with a real woman.

It’s pretty obvious that a Real Man (mature man) is not going to want a little girl. So, as I have learned myself…before you ask for a ‘mature’ man, you need to look in the mirror.

We are ALL very good at pointing at other people and saying ‘Oh yeah, THEY do THAT.’ But we don’t really look at ourselves. And in my experience…the problems we experience in intimate relationship (ie attracting bad men), is almost always our own doing.

I am exactly the same. I find I’ve had to work hard and be very conscious in order transcend my own limiting ‘girl like’ patterns. I would say that my man is more man (more mature) than I am woman…but the reason I can even be a woman at all is because he sees through my BS. I simply CAN’T be anything else but the better version of myself when I am around him.

And I know I’ve encouraged the Man out of him  many times throughout our history together. But the difference is: I bit the bullet hard and decided to leave my ex (who was very much a boy and still is), for a man. At the time when I left my ex, I was a little girl. Immature. So that decision was very hard. My husband David was all man from the beginning. Which made him terrifying to be with at the start. I felt like I was jumping in a grave at times, deciding to leave my ex for my now husband. It’s hard to be with a man who demands ONLY the best from you just by being himself!

And this is what I am asking of YOU today…

If you feel like you’re more of a little girl in relationships with men (tired, and fearful, and very ready to complain are just a few hints that you’re being a little girl….) then listen in and try to make the decision that you are now ready for something more in your life. Little girls have to grow up.

Just for the record…the only reason I can even write this post is because I will say that I started off as GIRL as they come. Yup, I used to kick and scream my way through things. And it’s because I came from such a low place that I’ve now been able to look back and see how I was digging my own grave with men!

Great men, REAL men are hard to attract and not easy to keep. In the end you just have to decide whether he is worth you moving through your own fears in order to live a greater quality of life. And I say life because…the quality of our life and how happy we are depends on how happy our relationships are.

If you have ever wondered how to be a real woman…

Here are the 6 KEY Differences between a Little Girl and a Real Woman

KEY Difference Number 1)

A little girl criticises and complains when things aren’t how she wants them. A woman expresses her hurt and vulnerability, and perhaps then does what she can to change the situation herself.

Changing the situation herself could include; loving her man through his fears instead of reacting to everything. Which inevitably leads both of them to more pain.

KEY Difference Number 2)

A little girl is obsessed with the idea of ‘equality’ and ‘compromise’ in a relationship with a man. Personally, I hate compromise. Because I feel the constriction in my body when I ask for it. I feel myself closing. I feel that I am creating my own suffering and my man’s suffering when I ask for a compromise. That’s not a relationship; it’s a business deal.

A woman recognises that whenever she demands equality or compromise that this is her fear driving her to ask for that. She does the fearless thing instead; she knows that compromise and vying for ‘equality’ is a child’s game that might lead to CONTENTMENT and safety, but NEVER to ecstasy, and certainly NEVER, to an infinite life with a man.

KEY Difference Number 3)

A little girl stays with an abusive man who can’t really love her, because it feels familiar and she sees that constricted, bad treatment as a secure way to live life. A woman will feel deeper in to herself and recognise that there is ‘more’ our there in this infinite world. In fact, more accurate it is for me to say: she is fearless enough to BELIEVE in that something more out there.

Yes, fearlessness is not only a man’s thing. Don’t make the mistake of thinking feminine energy means you can’t be fearless. Is a mother fearful when she needs to be there for her family? No. A grown mother needs to do what she needs to do to protect her young and to love her man.

Key Difference Number 4)

A little girl is afraid of ecstasy as well as extreme pain. A woman allows herself to surrender to life’s rules (which are the Essential rules of the Feminine Energy): surrender to both extreme pain AND extreme ecstasy and you will live an infinite life. Settle for anything less and you are bound to experience suffering.

A woman knows AND allows herself to FEEL excruciating pain that is emotional, physical, or mental. Yet, she also allows herself to feel extreme pleasure without restricting her body’s pleasure.

(Hint: a woman also embraces other people’s extreme pain and extreme pleasure)

Any guess as to what a Real Man is looking for? He’s looking for a woman who is unafraid of her pleasure or pain. This is depth. And that’s what woman is; depth. A little girl is surface. Any deep emotion is something she RUNS from. She’s superficial and fake.

I’ve come to realise that most of us are fake. We’re just doing what we can to please others and not be rejected by them. Fake has a place when it has its place. But it’s useless if what you want is a deep and passionate relationship with a man that lasts.

Key Difference Number 5)

A little girl doesn’t recognise when Life repeatedly send her the message that it’s time to bring out a different, or more Evolved part of herself.

A woman uses her consciousness (a form of Masculine energy, actually), to reflect on a situation and to surrender to the loss of usefulness of an ancient part of herself. It doesn’t mean that ancient part won’t have a place at some point in the future. It might, it might not.

But Life is always changing. Which means we must surrender to the messages that beg us to change with it. Complaining about the same thing you complained about yesterday means you are miles behind the next Real Woman who has already adapted.

So you can’t expect to attract better quality people in to your life if you refuse to adapt at all! Real Men come with a price tag! They come with a list of Requirements of what they like in a woman.

Life throws these situations at us a lot. And I’d take a wild guess and say that most of us a VERY far behind and need to catch up on the newer parts of ourselves that are needed in order to move on to the next stage of life.

That 15 year old teenager is only useful in a 35 year old’s body for so long. That 15 year old is fearful of other women as competition…the woman however, is not afraid to say: ‘I know the value I have to add. I’m willing to add this value to a man who is worthy of me.’

KEY Difference Number 6)

A little girl feels entitled and deserving in the dating world and in her relationships (which leads to being desperate). for example “HE should be doing this for ME!’ No. First ask; am I showing up as the kind of woman who would attract that better treatment from a man?

‘Am I even the kind of woman to attract a Real Man? Or am I a little girl who is only attracting little boys right now and that’s why I’m dissatisfied and angry?’

A woman knows that deserving is a loaded word. A lot of people in this world supposedly deserve something. How often do we REALLY get what we think we deserve? Hardly ever. We only truly get what we deserve when we do what we do just because we WANT to, not because we are counting how much we get back.

Love,

Renee.

If you feel you are ready for Mature Man, we show you step-by-step how to Understand, and how to find a Real Man who will worship you and take care of you forever, in our program Understanding Men. It’s right here, and I’m ready to welcome you to the Members area if you are: http://understanding-men-live.com/take-the-course-2/

Do you have anything to add to this list? If you do, go ahead and add to the discussion below. I would be grateful, and so would other women reading your additions. 

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Find out How Men think & why he won’t put as much Effort in as you

Whenever I suggest something like this, I risk a whole hoard of women hating me. Enough women hate my message as it is….and yet, it’s when I suggest this that I really feel women digging their nails in to me as if I have betrayed them and I am working against woman.

Quite the contrary. When I say this, I say it from a place of understanding of masculine men. I say it because I intend for more women in the world to have more happiness in their relationships with men.

I do my best to communicate my best intentions in every piece of writing that I do, but I’m not able to clearly communicate everything to every woman reading. Not to mention, MIS-understanding is the RULE in human communication. It doesn’t matter how long we talk and discuss, work things through, at least half (and I’m being generous) of our communication still goes misunderstood.

Put it down to the phenomenon of ‘projected empathy’ – something I might discuss in a later piece of work.

All I want is for women to experience the same freedom from their fears I have learned to experience in my interactions with men. And stop feeling like victims and actually keep a good relationship with a man, rather than break up with a man, later realising that they had misunderstood everything with their ex…that he actually meant well, that he actually cared more about her than she thought…and that the same problem occured with her next boyfriend and the next boyfriend…and the common thing about it all is that she didn’t understand how men think.

How is it REALLY, for Men?

Here’s the thing about men who are born with more masculine hormones; and are therefore, in nature, masculine men.

Relationship is not their specialty. It simply isn’t.

Men care about having a relationship, and want a relationship, but they don’t come with the instinctive understanding about how to communicate and express love the way women might.

Women are simply overall, better intuitively at understanding relationships and developing closeness with other humans than men are. Now, there are a lot of cold and callous women out there who don’t have the compassion to have any relationship at all. They couldn’t even hold a relationship with a frog. But that’s their own fear taking over their life, and they are certainly not living in their feminine energy, that’s for sure.

Men want relationships, but they may not know how to go about it. They don’t generally talk about relationships with other men, sometimes they don’t even think to do that. It’s great for the men who do talk about it, must most men just don’t.

Why Men Just Aren’t as Intuitive when it comes to Relationships…

A single man might think about a relationship and having one, say 1-10% (maximum) that a single woman would.

See, for many women, it’s generally well understood that if we have a good relationship; then we are successful. Other women look at and observe our relationship. We compare relationships, we compare mate quality, we compare how much another woman’s man does for us compared to what our man does for us…

For a MAN – (and this is from a male’s perspective), nobody cares if he has a great relationship apart from his woman. For a man, his success is judged by how much he has achieved (money, status, career, influence, social dominance, etc).

Now think about this:

WHO thinks about relationships more? Men or women? Women.

Who do you think is going to be more successful and in tune to relationship problems? The person who thinks about it more or the person who thinks about it less?

That’s for you to answer.

Here’s the really interesting thing: for women who don’t have a happy relationship in their life just yet, Many of them read books that involve romance. They watch movies that involve romance. They FILL UP their need for relational happiness with romance novels and dramatic movies. Or they talk about their relationship; or about the single life with their friends.

And yet….do you see many single men with romance novels?

Didn’t think so.

Relationship is OUR Specialty

For a feminine woman; we are driven to seek out relationships. It IS our specialty. We read subtle body language, subtle tones in spoken words (feminine energy actually hears primary mood and tone) and we can talk for hours.

But get this – unless he’s been trained or had experience – men won’t even notice subtle body language or subtle changes in a woman’s tone of voice, and even if he does become conscious of it – he can’t compute in his mind that you want him to actually come forward and work out what you mean, (in other words, give you more attention and reassurance that he is there for you).

For example. You’re out at a party one night, and a woman who has always been a bitch to you comes up to you and makes some snide remark that is passive aggressive like ‘oh you look soooo CUTE!’ in a condescending tone. After she leaves, you say to the man you’re with “oh my gosh, did you hear the way she said that?! She’s such a bitch!” and he looks blankly back at you, not understanding what you mean and not seeing what just happened.

As Long as Everyone is Fed…

See, all these little details in communication between people are not a man’s domain. He doesn’t care, as it doesn’t coincide with his life’s mission; which is to win, to get something done and to get to the point.

A lot of men think that as long as he works hard to provide, that this is enough, and the woman will be happy. Obviously, women know that’s not true.

To a man, this is effort. This is HIS form of effort. Not yours.

To a man, if a woman is upset or angry, and he sees that everyone is well fed and seems to have access to enough resources….his brain can’t understand her being upset! SHE must be crazy!

She must be…she’s crying in a situation that I wouldn’t cry in. That’s how men think.

What I am suggesting you try to understand is this:

I’m not saying Men don’t put EFFORT in, I’m saying, men may not put effort in to a relationship the way YOU want him to. That can take a man time to learn.

Women get by on Subtle Relations and Communication….Men Don’t

Now, by the way, sometimes, if you’re lucky, a man might have picked up on this subtle energy from the nasty woman saying ‘oh you look soooo CUTE!’…usually though, he wouldn’t have.   And you are left feeling lonely because he doesn’t understand the devastation you had to just go through with that awful woman.

It’s quite funny really. Communication between women (especially OUTSIDE of the work force, and outside of other masculine environments), mostly occurs in an ‘implication’ type of way…we imply what we mean, we make suggestions or go around in circles beating around the bush (talk about our feelings rather than list a problem directly) until someone else paraphrases what we’re saying…until someone indicates that they are willing and able to understand our words and thoughts.

This doesn’t happen with men. Men are direct. And what I’ve learned is, what a woman thinks is direct is STILL not direct in a man’s mind!

Women Communicate Indirectly

And it’s a huge frustration for many, many men, dealing with women….wishing and wondering why women just can’t TELL him what it is that she wants…but if you were to ask a feminine woman, we don’t WANT to do that.

We can learn to do that…but we have massive resistance to doing that, because it’s not natural in our physical body; OR because we feel that the directness will get us hurt, or hurt a man’s feelings.

It took me years to realise this…I can now communicate my wants to my man more directly if it is needed (not always, I prefer to be indirect and see if he picks up on it…luckily, after so many years together with my husband and a ridiculously good understanding of women, my man picks up on around 50% of my ‘implied meanings’) ie: “it’s starting to smell in the kitchen…it’s actually starting to smell a bit like trash.’

And he will almost always say: ‘I’m taking the trash out now.’ And we look at each other and laugh, because I still couldn’t find it in me to say ‘take the trash out now David’. My instinctive way of interacting is indirect communication. It’s like I don’t even think and what comes out of my mouth is an indirect communication…

I’m just (very subconsciously) hoping the person I’m talking to cares enough to figure out what I mean.

Why shouldn’t you Expect a Man to put More “Effort” in to your relationship than You?

I believe that the very desire in us women to have men put more effort in to a relationship is a lie. That’s what we SAY we want, but what we really MEAN, is that we just want to know we have a man’s commitment. We want him to tell us we have his commitment, repeatedly, for the rest of our life.

Yet, men are often far too clueless about women’s need for reassurance and security to ever pick up on our NEED for that, that we get more and more frustrated, and the more frustrated we get, the more we try to ‘talk’ about things with a man….which leads us to think that our talking is ‘working’ on the relationship..but it’s not.

Talking to another FEMALE is ‘working’ on your relationship or friendship with HER…it’s not classified as working on a relationship with a man.

Sure, sometimes, talking to a man, in some contexts, will work to get a certain result.

But…it’s the way we communicate that makes most of OUR OWN efforts to make a relationship better with men a waste of energy.

If the other person cannot receive your communication in a way that they need to hear it..you’ve already failed at communicating. And it’s not fair to assume that men should just get us. That they should just get what we are saying.

(Again, men usually use words ONLY to hold conversations that have an actual POINT.)

We think he should talk to us more or show us more love…but what you have to understand is, all this talking and demanding that he put “more effort” in to the relationship doesn’t work in your favour, with men.

If more commitment and more love is really what you want, then you need to understand these three things:

1) Relationships are YOUR domain, not his. If he’s masculine. He NEEDS you, to be patient and to reward EVERYTHING great that he ever does, in order for him to start and do more of the right thing. He needs you to be there for him in that way.

Most men are totally happy alone. So they don’t often ‘get’ what is a good thing to do with a woman and what is a bad thing to do…

Have you ever noticed that very masculine men rarely feel the need to ‘call up’ their male friends to talk? Have you ever noticed that men get by without really contacting a lot of their circle of friends?

Masculine energy is at home alone…so they can go years without contacting family members or friends and still be ok.

My father was like this. My husband is no different, either. Masculine energy is at home being by itself. It’s ok living on an island for days, weeks, and months alone. It’s ok to meditate in a cave for days on end and forget about contacting you (really).

And here’s the shocking part: A LOT of men won’t even understand that you needed him to contact you when he was away or working.

2) ‘Work’ and ‘Effort’ is not what you need to put in. Understanding is, compassion is. And, almost always far more compassion than you think.

Most women’s idea of work is to talk and discuss and to dramatize things, hoping that her man will give her the response she wants (usually, more of his presence, more of his love, and reassurance that he loves her and won’t leave her).

Effort can mean anything. Work can mean anything. You could could put lots of ‘effort’ in to scratching your butt for an hour every day, but who would that benefit and what positive consequences would that have?

And don’t talk to me about how my advice is killing women because some men are just a**holes. This is taking what I am saying out of context. If he’s truly an a**hole and you don’t want to be with him, then you can choose not to be with him. I’m saying: having compassion for males is INDEPENDENT of your selection of a certain male, and whether you choose to be with a sleazebag or not.

The most basic spiriutal advice that anyone (and any book) can give is to have compassion, even for the people who have hurt you. It doesn’t mean I’m telling you to be patient with a total assbag. It just means; try developing some compassion even AFTER you’ve broken up with him.

It’s just a little try, that’s all I’m asking of you. After all, a little try is actually more than most women will do when it comes to men. Because it’s too scary to open to the possibility of compassion for *gasp* a MAN.

It’s funny how people make the mistake of thinking compassion is for the other person. It’s not; compassion is for YOU.

So:

Trade ‘talking and discussing’ as your idea of ‘putting a lot of effort in’ for simple reinforcement of men’s good actions with your happiness!

3) If you want a masculine man, then expect relationship problems. Expect fights and expect extreme frustration. The more masculine a man is, the more different you are, so the more clashes you will have. (But don’t NOT expect bliss and the happiest time of your life). 

If you want things to be easy, then don’t have a relationship.

If you want things to be easy, then a wussy man might be what you want. If not a wussy man, then maybe a more feminine man. And even then, you’ll find it hard if you are feminine inside….because every cell in your body is actually hoping and willing for this man to be more masculine, have more direction, and be more present with you.

Men need YOUR help…

But if a very masculine man is what you want…you have to understand and respect that he needs YOUR help to be in the relationship with you. This idea of how to ‘help’ is something I go in to  in my Understanding Men Program here:

http://understanding-men-live.com/take-the-course/

In this program (my personal favourite of all our programs), I show you many ways to be closer to a man…from how to open him up to how to still be a woman and have your connection needs met without a man pulling away from you.

The takeaway from this article is this:

Men need your help to be in a loving relationship with you. This ‘help’ comes in many forms. The BEST place to start is by positively reinforcing all the GREAT things he does in a relationship with you, yes, even if it is small.

Thanks for reading! If you have any opinions or comments…leave them below! And if you liked the article, leave a comment just saying hi! I love hearing from you!

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Learn how other Women in your life ruin your Happiness with a Man

I’m sitting here on my couch in my new house on a Wednesday evening, with the fan blowing in my face and a little baby kicking away in my belly. As I sit here after an interesting experience I had today, I felt the need to write to you about something that is very important for you to understand as a woman.

And that thing to understand is the danger of other women influencing you.

Does that sound dramatic?

Well, that’s because it is. Other women can effectively destroy your relationship with men, or any man.

I can’t tell you just how POWERFUL an influence other women’s talking, other women’s opinions and other women’s thinking has over you. It’s a drug!! Women have been influencing each other for YEARS, millennia in fact, on their views on men, with their complaining and their misunderstanding of men.

Gossip can be a good thing, it actually serves a good purpose among humans, but the bad effects of gossip are just as intense as the good effects of gossip.

One woman complaining about men at a Sunday brunch catch up can bring down the rest of the women at the table, and potentially the other women’s relationships and marriages with their man.

I’m telling you now: what other women say with you in their proximity affects you, affects how you act, whether you like it or not.

And when you spend a lot of time with single women, chances are, you’ll stay single because of that. We become who we spend our time with.

We also adopt the habits and judgements of those we spend our time with. It happens subconsciously without you being aware of it.

You know what I’ve learned? It’s funny, people talk about how men are this and men are that, and how men are jerks, but through my own conscious appreciation and compassion towards the male species, I’ve come to learn that your relationship with the MEN in your life makes all the difference in the quality of your life.

Honestly, without the men in my life, the quality of my life wouldn’t even be 10% of what it is now.

Men can make your life more comfortable….they can support you, worship you, do things for you that you can’t even imagine. And even worse….you haven’t really been allowed to imagine, because other women around you have probably talked your ear off with a bunch of garbage about men, Gosh I hate that!

Honestly, the majority of advice your girlfriends give you about men is coming from a place of ignorance about men.

If you understand men, you have less stress, and more men around you to come to your assistance. It’s not even about quantity though! ONE man can rock your world, and make your life blissful beyond measure.

The Key to Mastering Relationships With Men

The key to mastering men is this: knowing that your fears are the very thing that rob you off the security and passion you want with a man.

That’s right. I’ve learned that our female fears (fear of abandonment, fear of being cheated on, fear of men having bad intentions) robs us of the very thing that we wish we had.

I’ll give you a little example of what I mean.

My husband and I just moved house…and my husband is super busy working, moving 95% of all the old belongings from the old house to the new house, planning more things for us for Valentine’s Day (which is tomorrow, at the time I’m writing this letter to you), and getting the new furniture we need.

He needed me to make a call regarding our old gas account. Of course, we have no phone connection at the new place yet so I had to go to his mum’s place to make the call.

I love my husband’s mother, she’s adorable and very helpful. There is one thing though: she doesn’t understand men. A familiar story, even among the kindest and most wonderful women of the world.

Here’s what happened: I text her to make sure it’s ok I go over to make the call, and she greets me happily. I walk in, and after our initial chat she says:

“Why doesn’t  David make the call?”

I inform her: “he’s extremely busy today, doing a million different things.” (mind you, he tried calling yesterday but they must speak to me because the account was under MY name!)

She says: “I don’t think he’s busy. He’s always playing golf.”

I say: “huh?”

Just don’t get Sucked in to your own BS…

And in the last 2 years, I made a conscious decision not to get sucked in to my own BS anymore. I’m sick and tired of my own BS fears and all the hard-wired anxiety that sometimes comes with being a woman. So I made a decision that I wasn’t going to get sucked in to my own BS. In other words; I won’t get sucked in to my fears, as much as I can consciously do so.

So, after she said it, I stood there and watched my own thought process happen unconsciously.

I knew what she said was not only grossly untrue and irrational. What she said was a reflection of her own frustrations with not feeling listened to and understood (not just by the men in her life), but by the women in her life.

So I watched my own inner talk that came up as a reaction to her talk about my husband…

Here’s what it said:

“Oh. She thinks he’s not busy? She’s implying that he’s lazy! OMG what if he really is lazy and I haven’t known about this?”

Then I went back to real-life logic: first of all, lazy is the last thing my husband is. His drive and ambition is exactly the thing that drew me to him. Without him, I wouldn’t have the life I have today.

My husband just moved an entire house by himself. He stays up at night to help me sleep, he right now is out getting me a new internet USB stick and buying me a Valentine’s day present. Not to mention taking care of customer needs and dealing with his own business.

What the hell is wrong with me? Why would I even doubt the only person in my life who has never given me reason to doubt him?

The Joke is on You…

Then I realised: the joke.

It’s The Joke.

The Joke that the female brain plays. No matter what you do as a woman, no matter how GREAT your man is, your own feminine mind always has its criticisms, fears, and you always seem to have reason to doubt a man. It’s constantly succumbing to these fears that makes your life miserable.

I got sick of it. I don’t know if you can relate to this.

I think it’s important to acknowledge that the fears and worries are there: our creator put them there, to help us survive.

And, get THIS: The MORE women criticise, the LESS happy they seem in men’s eyes.

The LESS happy a woman is, the more stressed men get. The more stressed men get, the more likely they are to try and fix the problem for the woman.

In a way, nature has made men unconscious slaves to female happiness.

But don’t be too quick to run out and manipulate this tendency in men: they can only take so much. Isn’t it the same with you?

It’s simple human nature. It’s as simple as 1 + 1 = 2.

If a man is constantly stressed around you, he feels bad around you. The more he feels BAD around you, the more he associates the bad feeling with YOU, and with being with YOU.

The Temptation of other Women around Him (that doesn’t have to be a reality in your life)

Very soon, the little blonde secretary at work seems kinda tempting, after all – she seems so BUBBLY!!

Very soon, that tall brunette who seems so relaxed seems like a warm and welcome relief from the unhappy woman at home.

Very soon, that voluptuous redhead seems like the answer to all his stresses.

Very soon…any other woman’s smile seems far more valuable than the complaining, unhappy, unenergetic girlfriend.

See the bleak picture?

Wouldn’t you feel dissatisfied too, if you were with a man who had no time for you and seemed to ignore your needs and refuse to understand YOU?

Other Women’s Misery LOVES Your Company…

So I stood there, listening to my inner thoughts. And realised what I truly wanted: Misery loves company. Do I REALLY want to share in my husband’s mother’s fears about men? She is not successful with men herself.

I on the other hand, have a devotional man in my life.

I want to warn you: other women WILL hate you for having compassion towards men. Because you’re not feeding their own misery!

Some tribes of women in this world love to get together to complain!

My advice to you is: don’t get SUCKED IN to other women’s fear about men!

Other women’s talk and gossip is powerful, like a drug. It can make or break your relationships with men.

Not all men are Great (obviously)

YES. Some men don’t want the best for you. But I don’t believe you’re THAT stupid, to not know when a man really does have bad intentions for you.  You may ignore it, and make bad decisions sometimes, but you are definitely not stupid.

Looking for Evidence that a Man Cares…

If a man cares and you can find evidence of it (make sure you look for that evidence when you’re in good spirits, looking for ‘evidence’ that a man cares when you’re depressed never works because you’re wearing your depression glasses and that clouds the truth).

If you can find honest evidence that a man cares, you are NOT losing out!

Most of the time, if a man is dating you, he’s probably doing his best to love you and show his love for you. Remember that your rules for love and not the same as a man’s rules for love. Judging a man’s care and love for you by your own ruler is dangerous.

But the truth is that men need YOU. You have to train him to feel good with you by doing one thing:

VALUING HIM MORE THAN YOU VALUE YOUR FEARS.

That’s right, you have to value a man MORE than you value your fears.

And those fears include everything from: fearing that he doesn’t love you, fearing that he is in love with someone else, and many more.

The reward you can potentially get for doing this is extraordinary. You can have a man be so inspired by being with you that he turns himself from being a couch potato in to a millionaire.

It’s SO funny. I remember a bitter woman (who used to be in my life) who used to say to me in her frustrated state: “AT LEAST YOU HAVE DAVID IN YOUR LIFE!!”

I used to say to her, which annoyed her even more: “I love David. I always have. I actually truly love this man. I loved him when he drove a 1988 Magna that took more pisses than my 6 month old pug. Even when it blew up on the freeway and smoked and put my life at risk. I loved him when he was so embarrassed about making no money and not being able to provide for me that he considered breaking up with me. I loved him when nearly every woman in my “family” told me I needed someone better. I loved him when other women used to roll their eyes at him. I will STILL love him even if he makes the worst decision in the world and leaves us with nothing (which he wouldn’t, because he’s not all about himself), but I’d love him and support him anyway if he did.

I loved him when he wore $5 jeans from Target and $2 runners that were about 8 years old.

I loved him when other women criticized him.”

In other words, I EARNED my relationship.

I used to get a blank look from her. She didn’t want to hear that.

It’s like people saying to a successful woman: “oh you’re so lucky. You make a lot of money.”

Well, VERY LITTLE money is made by accident.

Even if you win the lottery, you still deliberately bought the lottery ticket.

You didn’t EARN the lottery win, but you didn’t win it by accident.

The same goes for loving, lasting and passionate relationships. It’s not a luck pot that got dropped on that woman’s doortep. She’s almost ALWAYS doing something that the so called ‘unclucky’ woman is NOT doing.

The difference between the woman with the sparkling ring on her finger and the woman who is pouting and resentful that she doesn’t have the sparkly ring is Understanding Men.

As a member of my course Understanding Men, said in her feedback today:

“You may find a lot of your secret hopes about men confirmed and your worst fears disconfirmed.”

So if I could make a suggestion to you, and you would allow me to, I’d appreciate the opportunity to do so.

Make THIS your Standard…

Make it a standard in your life to understand that your criticisms of men are the very thing stopping you from having the love that you want. They are there to fool you out of a blissful life. What used to work for your female ancestors to get men back to them and providing for them millions of years ago, no longer works.

We are a more evolved society now. What works is POSITIVE reinforcement.

Not criticism, not your fears, and not withholding your smiles, your energy, you girlyness and your approval.

In fact, I suggest practicing approving of men when you don’t want to approve.

Say a man you like makes a stupid joke to get your attention. If you are actually interested in him, try feeling the pleasure in having him try to win you over with a joke rather than seeing the failure in the “un-funny-ness’ of the joke.

Men Are from the Stupid Factory…

Look, as my husband says: men are made at the Stupid Factory.

In fact, one day I remember him being in a lingerie shop with me, and he made a joke at the checkout and the ladies behind the counter laughed so hard, and asked me: “where do you find a man like that?!” and he interjected by saying: “at the Stupid Factory.” They thought it was gold.

It IS funny, that he says men are made at the stupid factory. But it also has a real truth in it. Men are stupid. Women are crazy. It’s cliche, but there’s a truth in it. I’m ok with being crazy some of the time and I’m ok with my man being stupid some of the time.

If I let myself get sucked in to the idea of perfection, I’M the one who suffers. And when I suffer, so does everyone else around me. And why would I want to perpetuate the suffering of my family and friends?

EXPECT men to do dumb things. Love them anyway. Melt their fear of failure with your willingness to overlook his imperfections. Let them make a mistake in front of you and you smile or have a giggle about it. And watch him stare at you in amazement, as if he’s never seen this breed of woman before. I can almost guarantee you, most men haven’t met this breed of woman before.

The annoying women in a man’s life usually starts with his mother not trusting him. Then a man moves in succession on to the next woman in his life, who also doesn’t fully trust him. Not just that he won’t cheat on her; but HIM. Trusting HIM.

And if you see him making a mistake, you can give him HONEST feedback, which he might appreciate. But don’t criticize or say something like: “omg you fool.” or “you idiot.”

Do you really actually ENJOY emasculating men for your own selfish satisfaction?

Or would you rather be an ocean of feminine power that fuels a man and makes him more?

By the way, I don’t advise you not to say those words of criticism so you can avoid hurting him. Not at all. I’m advising you to do this because when you stop being critical like that; YOU are happier! You’re not getting sucked in to your own fears anymore! And  you’ll start to feel more feminine, more happy, more free, more powerful, and more open.

It’s true.

There’s a lot more power that you have with men that you don’t know yet.

Do you think getting the right man for you to be faithful to you is hard? Impossible? It’s not.

In fact, I share the route to getting total faithfulness from a man in my Understanding Men Program here, if you are interested:

http://understanding-men-live.com/

Do you think that if a man says he won’t commit, that he actually MEANS that? He doesn’t always mean it, and the only person to override that fear he has of commitment is you. Nobody else.

Do you think that just because other women have made you feel bad about the way you look or the way you act in the past, that MEN judge you the same way? Not at all. You can be attractive whenever you want, and have ANYTHING you want; all you do is have to make a choice.

Make it your standard to value LOVE, more than your fears, if you are single.

If anything, for a whole 60 days, just notice your own fears talking, and bring out that courage inside yourself to walk in the opposite direction to those fears. That fear is animal hard-wiring you don’t need anymore. It’ll serve the purpose when its relevant, which it is not, most of the time.

If you can comprehend even ONE thing I’ve said here, I trust that you are also smart enough to actually KNOW when your fears are worthy of being listened to. You’re not that stupid. Trust yourself to tell the difference.

Some men aren’t worthy of your time, and that’s ok. It’s ok to move on from him. But it’s also ok to stay with a man who cares, but seems to be doing everything wrong at this point, if you are willing to do your part.

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Understanding Men – Learn the 5 Insights on Men to Ease your Worries

When it comes to understanding men, there are two important things I want you to remember. Because I find it’s VERY easy to forget all the little details and everything else when you are stressed out and upset over your dating and relationship issues. So it’s helpful to have one or two simple reminders of how to understand men before you make decisions you will regret when things aren’t going right and you get upset and stressed.

So before I give you the 5 keys to Understanding Men, I want to lay a quick and simple foundation with you.

The most important two basic principles on men are this:

1) Most of the things you worry about to do with men are actually not anything to worry about.

See, you worry for YOUR reasons, with your feminine hormones and feminine brain. You think he is not calling because you haven’t shown enough interest in him so he’s unsure. Mostly, he’s simply not calling because he doesn’t want to. That. is. all. As a woman you read other meanings in to things and think: “oh did he say that because he actually meant THAT other thing?”

Oh. “did he not call for 3 weeks because he has another woman?: No. He didn’t call because he simply does not want to.

You think your boyfriend or husband didn’t do that thing for you because he doesn’t love you enough or care for you enough. Really, it’s because he didn’t hear your request in a way that would propel him to go do that thing for you. It’s mostly never because a man doesn’t care. But your feminine brain interprets his actions that way.

2) Always remember; men are not bigger, stronger, faster females. They are men. (and yes, even a man who is smaller than you has greater physical strength than you).

Which means almost everything you think, feel, hear and see is NOT what he thinks, feels hears and sees. Male and female human beings have evolved over millions of years through two different roles: women trained themselves to be gatherers and men trained themselves to be hunters – this is the work of our ancestors, whether you like it or not.

Now, the EFFECTS of the difference between hunters and gatherers are the reasons behind almost all your troubles. We (men and women) are simple designed for different purposes.

But here’s the best news. Through all my own struggles, here’s what I’ve discovered:

Why Male and Female differences are Painful yet – women are well taken care of…

As much as the male and females differences causes us a world of pain and struggle, ironically – evolution has also made us work perfectly together in many ways; and don’t worry; as a woman, evolution didn’t ditch you. You are actually FAR better taken care of than you or any other woman would ever let you believe.

It’s just that, taking dating advice or relationship advice from girlfriends often makes you dumber, and more stressed. Because most women get women – they don’t get men. Which means 99% of what women think, and the meaning we place on male actions is completely incorrect.

As a woman, you have the power with men, more than you know. And your knowledge in men is your power with men. This is the basis of my program Understanding Men: http://understanding-men-live.com/

With men, when you play it right, and stop taking advice from friends who may not want the best for you, and make your own decisions – you might start to see that, men actually want to be there for you and commit to you and take care of you. Evolution made it that way; but men are wired to take care of a certain TYPE of woman; a woman they see as High Value.

Try to remember – Men are responding to YOU. And what YOU do.

Which means – how YOU show up with men is crucial. If you show up as low value; you get far worse than low value in return. Sometimes, you get nothing. But when you show up as a High Value woman, you get far more than you bargained for.

What do you Worry about when it comes to MEN?

I can remember the days (not so long ago), where I’d stress constantly about how a man I liked might view me, and what he might think of me. I was also very quick to make terribly wrong assumptions about men that were…well, wrong!

Ever worried constantly about being cheated on?

Ever worried about him ‘checking out’ other women? (this is almost never worthy of worrying about; but as a woman, you are wired to worry about it when you’re in a fearful state).

Here’s my personal guarantee…You are always worrying far more than you Need to with Men.

If you consider yourself to be a female…I can guarantee you right now, as you’re reading this, that you have no idea how much you totally over-stress things with men that actually don’t exist, or aren’t true in his world. You have a lot more power with men than you have been allowed to believe growing up. And I don’t think that’s fair; that’s why I’m sharing a little bit from my hard-earned knowledge from my own hand-on-mouth mistakes I made with men.

As the saying goes…”If I had known THEN what I know NOW…” – I want to save you the anxiety and stress you feel related to men, dating and relationships.

And here’s why: 95% of the ‘stuff’ you worry about regarding men is completely groundless anyway.

Your FEELINGS about what Men do aren’t wrong…but your perception about men  is.

It doesn’t mean that your feelings are wrong or that you are making it up (you’re definitely not; after all, they are your feelings! And being a woman, you KNOW that your feelings are the truest and most real thing in your life!) After all, we have feelings about EVERYTHING!

The thing is….they are YOUR feelings. And you know what that means?

It means: they are not his. They are not a MALE’S feelings. Which means, the man you are dealing with doesn’t do the things he does for the reasons YOU think he does.

When Men “Look” at other women…

I’ll give you a little example.

The other day I was driving to the mall, and at a set of lights I stop on red. Whilst waiting for the lights to change, I look to my right to see….two men in a car, staring at something to my LEFT….and they were very concentrated on this particular thing.

I turn around to look what they were looking at, and saw a man in a car to my left, also staring intently this yet ‘unknown’ thing. 2 seconds later, I see two young women in bikinis washing cars.

Now….because I understand men, I can laugh at this and not roll my eyes.

But I have a question for you? What is your instinctive, gut level reaction to this? Do you sigh in disgust? Worry that your boyfriend or husband might look if you weren’t there with him?

By the way, what ARE you actually worrying about? You’re worried that he thinks those half naked girls are better than you? You’re worried that he wants to have sex with those girls?

The answer to all those things is a resounding NO.

See, it took me a while to get this. Men are conditioned as hunters, and just as humans, to take note of changes in their environment. So to them it’s actually like: “oh. There’s a bikini car wash in Melbourne Australia? Oh. Oh, ok then!” lights change. Moving on now. half an hour later, most men would have forgotten all about that bikini car wash and the girls that were there.

They’re wired to look. Some men might want to have sex with those women or any woman; mostly desperate men; mostly men who feel DEPRIVED. The question is; do you have a deprived man? Do you have a desperate man? Then, your worries might be well-founded.

Are you Attracting Desperate Men?

But not because he’s desperate; the worry really is: WHY did you ATTRACT this particular man in to your life? The answer is most likely because you are desperate for something as well. Maybe attention. Maybe variety. Maybe the idea of security in having a man who is not as good a catch as other men. Maybe you secretly feel you’re second best to other women your whole life, so your brain thinks attention is lacking; which is why the first man who seems to come along and give it to you….even if he’s a desperate heeby-jeeby, will do.

It’s not your fault. It’s just what you’re going through.

Would it surprise you if I told you that men would look with the same concentration at a row of 10 rabbits running across the road?

And that they’d look with the same level of detachment and lack of emotion?

If it does surprise you, or that makes you angry, or you just  don’t want to believe me, it’s ok. That’s what we do as women. We make things big in our minds; and we want to be reassured and convinced. Again and again and again.

But before I spend too long on this…right now I’m going directly to share with you 5 Insights about Men that you should know before worrying yourself sick.

Insight Number 1) Men don’t judge you.

When you are having a conversation with a man and say something you don’t think you should have, and then have multiple conversations with yourself in your head about that, he’s more worried about impressing you, or he’s just clueless and has already forgotten what happened and what you said within 5 seconds after you said it. This is because masculine men have trained themselves to ‘forget’ over millions of years of being hunters.

No, we’re not past all that. Men still have hunter DNA that has been bred in to them as a species over the last millions and millions of years.

Now, I want to clarify. Because if you know me and my work at all, you know that I firmly believe that there are very FEW absolute truths in life. There are VERY few absolute truths, and everything is contextual.

So I want to say that yes, some men will judge you, but the men who actually spent time judging you and talking negatively about you are not men; they are either very feminine men or gay men. I don’t mean that as an insult; it is just what it is.

Men spend their lives every since they were little boys, trying to be enough, and to be worthy of a High Value, High Status woman’s attention. It’s not the same for a woman. Whether you enjoy this fact or not, the truth is that, this is most men’s personal experience going through life:

It goes like this. “Ok. I’m a male. I like females. I like them a lot. If I want to be worthy and enough in this world, I have to prove myself and earn my respect by making enough money, being funny enough…etc.”

That was my best attempt at speaking as a male; which I am not a male. But as a woman, that’s the best I could muster up. I believe you understand what I am saying.

As a woman, we don’t have to do as much at all to attract men in to our lives. We’ve just been manipulated by money hungry corporations and other competing women around us that we DO have to use make up and clothes. In reality, our radiance is enough. our radiance IS what attracts men, and make up is not radiance. In fact, it can tamper with your radiance.

But if you’re anything like me, you’ve spent quite a considerable amount of time in your life trying to DO things to get a man’s attention when you could have worried a lot less and simply enjoyed yourself and that would have done the job.

Men don’t judge women. Especially masculine men.

As far as I can tell, men will simply be repelled by you (because your type of feminine energy is not what they’re looking for), or be indifferent to you because they’ve already met their one and only, or try to impress you because he’s interested in you. But men are not women, and they don’t care about all the little details you think they care about or judge you for.

Insight Number 2) Men don’t leave you because You weren’t good enough. Men do not leave You because you weren’t good enough.

Men leave because of many reasons, but mostly because of how they feel with you. They leave usually because there was no good reason to stay with you and they felt bad enough about themselves around you enough times that it was time to call it quits.

And they feel BAD because you weren’t happy.

Insight Number 3) Men don’t actually want you to hold everything in and pretend everything is ok.

Move on from this terrible belief and do something silly like actually express yourself!

Now, don’t take this too overboard if you have only just had ONE date with a man…you need time to prove your value to each other before you can even think about unleashing the crazy.

But believe it or not, soon enough, if a man is masculine and you have attracted this masculine man in to your life, he won’t mind you expressing yourself. In fact, he’ll mind you holding everything in and being a sloth about your emotions!

Holding things in is not attractive, and it doesn’t keep the right man around. The right man wants you to express.

By the way, I said EXPRESS. Not Blame. If you want more on this, see my article – the Fastest Way to Push Men Away.

Being Real and Expressive, not Blaming…

I’ve done crazy things that when I tell women what these things are, they cannot BELIEVE my man is still with me; but these things I did, if you ask my husband, he would tell you that they were endearing. He loves that I’m expressive, and if you want something real in your life, not just a relationship for the sake of ‘having’ a relationship, then be real and be raw.

If you want a man to love you for you, well you need to BE you. It’s not helping you to reject yourself when all you’re truly yearning for is to step out of your own shell and start fully expressing yourself.

Like that 5 year old girl you were who simply played and expressed and did silly things. You don’t have to act like a little girl; you just have to use her as a stepping-stone to finding yourself. You’ve probably disowned her. She doesn’t like it! Try inviting her in to your world again to get you out of your shell and to loosen your body up.

Insight Number 4) When your official  boyfriend or husband is NOT there for you, or doesn’t do what you wish he would, you can almost always be sure that it is because you haven’t communicated your need to him in a way that he understands. 

You may think that means I’m putting the blame on you. No, not at all.

In fact, when I discovered this for the first time, I realised that this was such a gift of knowledge. It’s a well-kept secret. A well-kept reason not to worry.

Thank God, maybe many men actually want to be THERE for you?

They actually WANT to be your hero? What a novel concept that other female friends could never tell you!

And this is not just your boyfriend, but even male friends and relatives.

The Only catch: they don’t want to be there for women who don’t reward them with their feminine energy; through their gestures, their eyes, their body movements, their smile.

Why?

Because men don’t get it otherwise. They don’t understand that you found something helpful, or that you were scared, cause they don’t often feel scared and they don’t often need help; but if they SEE (through you) that they are helpful to you and make you feel safer, guess what? Their brain makes the association that doing good, helpful things makes YOU happy.

Beware. The longer you have withheld your gratitude, the longer you have withheld your happiness and energy from a man, the longer a path you need to take to regain his trust.

Insight Number 5) Men wish you Understood them deeply.

Because when you truly understand them, you stop worrying and getting hurt and upset all the time; and when you’re hurt and upset all the time, your feminine energy doesn’t show up. You’re tight and controlling. And that is not pleasant from a man’s perspective.

And look – when you understand them, they can give you what you need and be the man you want them to be for you. Trust me, there is an incredible allure to women who understand men that completely surpasses any ‘flaws’ you think you have. Men are drawn to this kind of allure like bees to honey. They want to commit to you just to OWN that allure and own your soul for life.

Only, the key to getting that genuine commitment from a top man is NOT make up. It’s NOT a slimmer body. Men don’t care about that; they care about a woman’s energy.

Those things are the Feminine brain’s solution! Remember that! And take a look around…open your eyes…and view all the attractive, successful men, committed to far less attractive, perhaps jobless, and perhaps very overweight women!

And by the way….Make up isn’t ever the solution when it comes to men. Ever.

The key is Understanding them. 

See – Men who are masculine at their core (around 80% of males in the world), don’t have many words, especially when it comes to their “feelings”. They don’t talk all that much about what they feel, most don’t even understand what that word means in many contexts, which is like a foreign planet for you and I.

You and I GET feelings, and we can speak about them well. Yet, when you try to talk to a man, they’ll go quiet or look blankly back at you.

You can’t turn him in to a woman, so the very best thing you can do is put in the loving care and thought and understand them. Then more you are willing to do this, the more that men will approach you for the right reasons (not for sex), and things will start to fall in to place for you.

You don’t Actually WANT Men to put more work in to a Relationship…

I understand that, as a woman, sometimes you wish that MEN would ‘put in’ the so-called work in to relationships that you do as a woman, because you’re sick of doing it yourself. But here’s the plain and brutal truth:

1) You don’t actually want that. Your fear tricks you to belief that you want that.

But…

You rather he was the man you could respect, the man who spends more time on his mission and actually made something of himself -you rather he be the man you are attracted to, not the soppy man who is obsessed with relationship and deep connection like you are. That’s what you’re built to love in males, as a woman. Men are built differently. Thank goodness. I love men for being men.

Personally, I have little respect for women who insist on keeping a man close to them and try desperately to not allow him to do whatever he wants to do. A  man has to be a man. His world CAN’T be about being with you all the time – if it did, you would no longer be attracted to him.

You want a man who does what HE wants; EVEN WHEN you ask him not to do that thing. You know it’s true, too!

In life, sometimes, what angers us is EXACTLY what we need to feel alive and passionate. And guess what is alive and passionate? A man and woman who are attracted to each other. Not a man and woman who are restricted by the woman’s nee to control him.

The second plain and brutal truth:

2) What you think is ‘work’ or ‘effort put in’ in a dating situation or your relationship is actually what you thought would work in your mind at the time, but was actually pointless.

Here’s an example: a lot of women think that discussing what’s wrong about the relationship with their man, or discussing their deep feelings with their man means that they are putting ‘work’ in. Yep, I still make this mistake every now and again. It’s the curse of being a woman – we want to talk things through. It’s the way we heal.

BUT – it’s not and never will be the way you get a man’s full attention, and will never work to get him to adore you and cherish you and commit to you.

In fact, he’s really just sitting there thinking ‘why the hell is this human being talking about all these things?

1) Isn’t it already obvious? Why is she stating the obvious? and

2) This isn’t helping me. It’s not solving any problems. It just makes me feel like shit.

Often, you’ll find that the MORE you try to ‘talk things through’ with a man, the more he will pull away and run from you.

I know. It’s a pity that what totally works with your girlfriends is the WRONG medicine with a man!

But lucky you that you get to understand that, because most women around you will forever go their whole lives without understanding this. And end up alone and fed up with men.

Thanks for reading! I want to make you an offer. I wish that you will experience the freedom, joy and self confidence that I have through understanding men. I have made a course on this very subject, with my husband (who is my Hero), and it is designed for you to become the goddess that you were destined to be with men. The course will eliminate your mistake, anxiety, confusion with ANY man.

I invite you to join me and my other members in this course in the exclusive members area, you can start that right here: http://understanding-men-live.com/

If not, Thank You for reading my article. I appreciate you for taking the time out of your day to read, and to seek answers for yourself. The universe will reward you for that.

xo

Renee Wade.

P.S – I love reading your story. What do you feel you’ve gained from this article? What are your feelings about men and women are our differences? Please share your thoughts and experiences with men in the comments section. 

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If you’re like me, you love giving gifts. It’s just a nice feeling – ESPECIALLY when you like and respect that person. Hey, sometimes buying gifts for someone else feels 100 times better than it does buying something for yourself.

It’s nice to put a smile on someone else’s face, isn’t it? But in all honesty, when it comes to men that you are romantically interested in; be careful. You may think buying and giving gifts nothing big, but, it does matter; especially when you are only dating and not sure if he is committed to you.

The way you go about buying and giving gifts matters, and more importantly, WHAT you give and HOW you give the gift sets up the right dynamic between you and a man, or it doesn’t.

What you give and how you give it can make you seem low value or high value in a man’s mind. That doesn’t make you less, though, it just makes him less attracted to you – and consequently, makes you less attracted to him (which sucks for you, too).

If you are buying for a male friend, you can THEORETICALLY go all out, because you’re not romantically interested in him. But personally, I don’t even do that with my male friends that I consider to be like a brother.

There’s a reason: it’s because in my BODY it doesn’t feel authentic to do this; it just doesn’t feel like I’m being the real ME.

I know my true gift is in being there in ANY man’s presence at ALL – and being happy, open and radiant. Your radiance and openness is a gift bigger than the size of the number on the price tag of your birthday or Christmas gift.

When it comes to buying men gifts, in the past I’ve made so many stupid and embarrassing mistakes that are pretty much too embarrassing to talk about. And it can be difficult knowing what gift to buy a man on any occasion – these days, so many of us already have everything we need, and it’s easy to buy something you think would be valuable, but a man doesn’t find to be a good gift.

And if you read through these 6 rules and realise you’ve made these mistakes, it’s cool, woman! You, me and every other female on the planet has made, or IS making such a mistake big time.

No problem, mistakes are a gift. Without mistakes, you can’t fully feel the satisfaction from getting things right.

Here are your 6 Rules to Follow:

1) Spending more doesn’t make you more valuable as a woman. So…why choose the more expensive option? Why spend a tonne on a man when you’re just dating, even if you have as much money as Paris Hilton? Is there even a good reason?

See, if you subconsciously want to flaunt your ability to spend a lot, then you’re not really in your feminine energy – and a man can’t feel you as a woman who enjoys being taken care of. Flaunting your ability to spend a lot doesn’t touch a masculine man – it will touch a more submissive man, or a man who is LOOKING out for a rich woman.

Hey, if you really, truly DON’T want to be taken care of, and you prefer to be the one taking care of HIM, then you can go ahead and ignore this rule.

But if you want the man you’re romantically interested in to be your hero, and to ADORE you, just don’t spend more for the sake of looking good. In fact, where you can, spend less.

2) Buying more items reduces the value of each gift you give. 

The idea is simple. Us humans generally like to acquire, to own more, to feel the satisfaction of ‘owning’ material goods in our life.

So this rule is VERY counter-intuitive in practice. But…think about it: if you have 50 items of jewellery, does it make every piece more special?

Or do you still keep one or two favourite pieces that you wear over and over again? You grow attached to a few of the jewellery items; that’s generally what happens.

A man (and anyone, really) will remember the gifts you give that mean something to THEM. They won’t keep in their memory many years down the track ‘oh that person used to fill up my Christmas stocking with 100 items that are useless and meaningless to me!’

The more of something we get, the less valuable it becomes. And this happens subconsciously.

When giving gifts, it’s more important to make an emotional impact on someone than to get a reaction of ‘woah!’ from them in reaction to the sheer VOLUME of gifts you’ve given them.

Remember that saying: “less is more” ?

Hard to remember this in a context where you’re buying gifts for someone, but IMPORTANT.

When it comes to gift giving, if you are going for the whole feeling that ‘yes!’ I am awesome and I have the money to buy a man TONNES of gifts!

Then..the message you are really sending is: “I get my feeling of self worth through PROVIDING for you. I’m the man.”

I am of the belief that when it comes to being romantically interested in a woman, the masculine men in the world around you will find you more endearing and want to take more care of you if you either

1) Get him nothing at all, and just receive what he gives you.

Or 2) make a simple purchase that is meaningful and leave it at that. It could be a mug, or you could make a lamb roast (yum, lamb!) Don’t flaunt riches. Don’t flaunt ‘provider’ abilities. You don’t need to.

You are far more vulnerable than that (that did read vulnerable) – you rather him do THAT for you – is that right? Really, are you truly attracted to a man whom you need to buy things for and take care of? Answer honestly for yourself.

If yes, then do things that encourage him doing that to you by NOT buying more, and not buying more expensive.

Your ability to react to and enjoy anything that a man gives you is far more interesting than your ability to give expensive gifts.

3) If you give a gift, make your gift either 1 – useful or 2- sentimental. 

When it comes to gift giving….it’s tempting to buy a man several items of clothing…or a cologne or another wallet…because these are the easiest options and it’s what every other girlfriend is giving her boyfriend and it saves time and thought on your part.

If you want to get him ANY of these things, make sure that it has a context and that it’s not just an ‘extra’ on top of all the other clothes he has or wallets he has just for the sake of ‘acquiring’ things.

For example, if you have been dating a while and you know he’s going hiking in January and has no hiking gear, then a pair of hiking pants is nice, because they serve a particular purpose for him in January, and it shows you understand him.

Most men like things with a purpose (tools, etc), or things that are sentimental. Unless a man is very feminine, he doesn’t give a damn about buying more and more clothes and gathering more and more things unless those things serve a clear-cut purpose in his mind.

Most are also not interested in pointless, fluffy, jingly things.

ie: You might appreciate cupcakes. But men aren’t moved by that. It just doesn’t ‘touch’ them if you give him cupcakes as a gift. Avoid it! (yes I see women doing this often!) he might enjoy eating them, but it won’t really touch him deeply.

ie: You might like cute lunch bags – but buying him a plastic zip-up lunch bag with a cute little soccer ball printed on it that a 10 year old boy could also use – he won’t appreciate it (yes, that’s actually also a real story. And the woman’s husband responded to the gift by saying ‘well, that’s not very manly!’). He’s stating the obvious.

Now, I thought twice about putting in the word ‘sentimental’ here, because a lot of women will take that and RUN with it. ‘Yay! I can get him a nice photo with ‘I love you so much’ printed on it!!’ Well…if you are married or have been together a long time, this gift is ok.

But not when you have NO idea where your relationship with this man is going! You have to wait to give such sentimental gifts.

If you have been together less than 6 months, stay away from sentimental gifts unless it’s the first time you are doing something like that and you are sure that HE has already done something like that for you at least two or three times.

Now, by sentimental, it depends on your relationship situation. If you are in a long term relationship or marriage and you really ALREADY feel like the WOMAN in the relationship, and you feel adored – then do what you want!

Just be mindful and conscious all the way. Be conscious of WHY you’re choosing to buy a gift.

Do you really need to get something extra?

If so, why are you getting it? Are you getting it because you feel you must, otherwise he will think you don’t LOVE him? If so, it’s the wrong reason to get the gift!

Are you getting him the gift because you think you should in order to show him that you are interested in him, although, inside, you’re aching for him to be do for you, and don’t actually LIKE being the one giving gifts to show your interest?

If you don’t feel adored yet, and he is NOT committed yet – then, whether you are dating or having something long term, your focus still needs to be on establishing the dynamic that you want with a man.

ie: not being the MAN in the relationship (unless you want to be). So keep sentimental gifts to something small like a keyring with a personal joke or personal photo attached, or a mug with a special quote or photo on it.

4) The less time you have spent dating, the better it is to buy less and spend less. This is to help set up the dynamic that HE is the man in the relationship, and not YOU.

Look, you can make this mistake and maybe things will still work out if you and him are very compatible. It’s just the better choice, but if you’ve already made the mistake, then just do things differently next time, that’s all!

5) When in doubt about whether you SHOULD buy anything  at all, buy nothing at all. And just make or buy a nice card to wish him happy birthday or happy Christmas.

There’s no need to buy something just because you think you should.

6) When and if he buys you something, make your reaction to the gift honest.

But do not criticize him (that’s not honest). It doesn’t matter if a man gives you something and it makes you want to burst out crying (I’ve done this before. And it only brought my husband and I closer, and he felt far worse about it than I ever did!)

If a man wants to make you happy, you have a good man. If instead he just calls you a bitch and never comes back because you cried over the present, well good! He wouldn’t have come back in the first place anyway!

It was either going to be this Christmas or some other random reason for him to take off. Some men are just not compatible with you like that; and some of them…well, they have a weak masculine energy like that.

Unless you were intending to criticize him and be a bitch about it. That’s just not a good choice on your part. Whatever he gives you, just know that it’s a start that he tried to give you anything at all.

Thank him, always thank him for giving you anything, but don’t pretend it’s orgasmic if it makes you want to cry. If it makes you over the moon, BE over the moon, if it upsets you, let it upset you! If it surprises you, LET it surprise you!

You’re a woman, it’s ok to be real and to feel with a man. That is what I believe, and I’ve done things this way for many years, and it’s never backfired on me.

You don’t want to do this with friends or others, but with a man, it’s ok. Men are funny creatures, you’ll be surprised how much the best men out there don’t mind you making them think and work out why on earth you didn’t like their gift. They’re stronger than you think, and not as sensitive as your Mom or your girlfriends.

Now I am handing it to you. Share your thoughts about buying men gifts. Do you have any personal rules that you follow? ie: you always spend less than a man, or you never buy a man gifts? Share your thoughts so other women can learn from you!

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Find out…will this Man Propose or Not?

This is a question from a lovely lady, Penelope.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>  QUESTION

“Hi Renee,

I hope you had a wonderful honeymoon!

If you could spare some insight on my situation, I would really appreciate it.  I feel just a tad foolish considering your last mail out.

My boyfriend is from UK.   I am from Spain.  He is working in Beijing currently.  We had been dating in Spain for 7 months before he had to come here for work.

We ended up pursuing a long distance relationship and I came to Beijing for 2 months to visit him early this year.  It was very hard for us to have the long distance relationship.  He could not come to stay with me long term in Spain as he is american and his big work opportunity is here.

We skyped every day and night since last march. (And before the first trip).. We met in hawaii for a lovely vacation.  I thought that it was the perfect opportunity for him to propose to me in person, (as he had done so many times online)…and he did not.

Once back in Spain, I was sad and he was begging me to come to Beijing once more to stay with him and eventually Elope (as we had planned) and then after one year of him working we could move to London together, (where he is from).

Man, I feel really dumb listening to what I am writing…anyway.. Now I am here (in Beijing).  I have been here for one month.  He works VERY long hours so I hardly see him, and I am taking a course here and university courses from Spain to keep myself busy.

Only I feel terrified.  I spoke to my sister today and she said she would not travel long distance to a man without a ring.  This made me feel cheap.  Reading you’re last mail out didn’t help either.  He does love me, I love him.  I think we are a happy couple basically.  Did I doom the chance of a real marriage by coming here to him?  (He even sent my father a letter saying how he we were planning to elope).  My father did not want me to come here as he is old fashioned and said I was acting ”desperate”.

He has done all he can to make me feel at home here.  Only thing is, after all that it took me to come I am second guessing myself.  I guess because he has not proposed.  After all the online proposals…which I do not really understand other than I know he is saving to pay off student loans.

If you could shed some insight if you have a few moments, I would really appreciate it.

Thanks so much!

Penelope.”

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> MY ANSWER

Hi Penelope,

First of all, thanks! I had a wonderful honeymoon

It is interesting that you say your father is old fashioned and he said you seemed to be acting desperate. I don’t think he really means that you are acting desperate, I just don’t think he knew how to articulate what he meant (from a MAN’S perspective) in a better way, at least not in that moment.

But if your father could, I’m sure he’d say something a little more insightful, because here is what I really think he meant to say….

He meant to tell you that in general, if a man is masculine, it just FEELS better for him to travel to you.

HOWEVER – I don’t think your father understands the full situation, or YOUR situation, and nor does it seem like he has bothered to fully understand.

Listen, you are not in the same situation as my reader Diana (to whom my extremely controversial response is right here).

Remember, everything is contextual! There are some hard and fast must not do’s in dating, and some must Dos, as I share in my programs and emails, but in general, most things are contextual. ie: “it DEPENDS…..”

See, in Diana’s case, she went back again to a man who had already hurt her, and who had never once backed his WORDS up with ACTIONS. And not to mention the intimate sexual pics when they were not even dating.

Now, in your case, your man has backed up some of his words with actions, but not many CONCRETE actions. Right now, most of his promises are in the form of words.

He has mentioned to your father that he intends to elope with you – but he still has not proposed.

So this makes it a simply difficult AND frustrating situation for you. And your sister’s response is irritating and insensitive! You are her sister! Not someone she can blab to about how much BETTER she would deal with the situation than you have! Maybe I’m reading this the wrong way, you know your sister far better than I do.

Still, what you did is not cheap. It may not have been the BEST and safest decision for YOU, but it was not cheap (and neither is the SAFE decision always the right decision). As Anthony Robbins always says, “if you want a safe life, go to Prison”.

Again, your situation is not the same as Diana’s. First of all, you have been dating this man for 7 months, which is longer than normal. Most relationships end by 3-5 months. The fact that he decided to commit to long distance means something.

The fact that he talked to your father about marriage means something.

However, let me ask you this.

***************************************************************************************************************

Are you aware that for the majority of men, proposing takes a lot of working up to?

I mean, a hell of a lot of working up to. Men have fears and thoughts about this that you can’t even dream of, in your own  body, unless you make the active effort to be in a man’s for a day. 

***************************************************************************************************************

A second, more important question:

How aware are you REALLY of the position that he is in?

I want you to gain a true, heartfelt, understanding of HIS position before you take any drastic actions. He’s moved to another country to work real hard, very hard, as it seems. It has probably taken over his brain!

I am not one to recommend like some other dating coaches, that you leave the instant he hasn’t put a ring on your finger, that is (would be) simply ignorant in your situation.

***************************************************************************************************************

After all, men have their tests of women, too. He could very well be testing how serious and committed YOU are. See, us women too often simply forget that our commitment to a man counts, too. Not just his.

Often we are so blinded by our own fear that we have NO idea that the man we are seeing is hoping and WISHING that you would prove to him that you might just be the first woman EVER to be willing to accept him and love him, no matter what. 

***************************************************************************************************************

(If THAT sounds totally unreasonable to you – then you just got exactly why committed relationships are often not worth it for many men. Many women are just not worth a good man’s time.)

Let me tell you, in the many years my superman husband and I have been together (I just LOVE him! And can’t wait to see him) there have been many times in the past where we had to pull through similar situations together.

He would be working his ass off, on his mission and didn’t FEEL like he had the resources to be with me in every way that I wanted. He was there, 90% in the way I wanted, but we women always look for what we are missing, true? Because we want security.

And mine is not the first relationship to have a shared difficult yet beautiful journey towards marriage. Some of my members in Commitment Control have had the same experience. Just because a man seems to take some time, doesn’t mean you just up and leave or that he is the wolf in sheep’s clothing.

You have to think about it carefully.

But, David proposed to me, in a way and with a ring that I could previously only dream of (it exceeded my expectations). And we are now married.

Now, I am not saying that your man is definitely going to propose to you, but I AM saying that what you do between now and the next stage of commitment (him being even more committed), is very important. It is CRUCIAL. Many women stuff their chances with the man of their dreams by simply being too desperate, too impatient and too selfish. Sometimes, patience pays off.

Not always, sometimes. I mean, being overly patient with a man who sends you dirty text pictures after only dating a week would be a bad idea.

So Penelope…He loves you, you love him, and I think it’s obvious. For the purposes of my response I’m going to assume you deeply love him and genuinely want to spend your life with him.

However, before you start to feel more and more cheap (which you are not), and before you start to have regrets that are uncalled for, here is my advice to you:

1) Gain a heartfelt, “in HIS shoes” perspective. Really sit down, and ask yourself, “have I put myself in HIS position?” “if I was HIM, what would I feel like is missing from my life?” Because if you know what a man (or anyone for that matter) feels like they are missing from their life, you get to understand far better why they are not able to give you what you are wanting.

Maybe he is so focused on his work that marriage slipped his mind. It is NOT unusual for men to do this. Because he’s a man, he’s not you. And never will be.

Next, put yourself in HIS body, HIS, not Penelope’s!! There’s a huge, enormous, gigantic difference! So literally BE your man. BE him. And then go to yourself (Penelope), and ask HIM “am I genuine about marrying this woman?”

I believe that in your intuition, you know. And I also believe that if you put yourself in his position, you’ll be in far less worry and far less pain, because you’ll feel more in control and not to mention compassionate.

2) I do not know how old you are, or whether you’ve had any kids yet or not, and whether you even want them or not. So, depending on your current age, and situation, you need to decide on the opportunity cost for you.

For example. What does it ultimately COST you as a woman, to be there with him, when he’s made only INTERNET proposals…? It always costs you something to be there, but does the benefit outweigh the costs to you?

I mean, if he is just being a flimsy guy, then you want to leave and say to yourself “we enjoyed our time together, and he wasn’t the one, and I’m now one step closer to the one.”

If he’s not being flimsy (and I don’t have enough detailed information to decide whether he is being flimsy or not) , then maybe what you need (and a lot of women need), is…have a guess??

PATIENCE! And heartfelt understanding. Don’t mother him, just go about your business and make it your priority to seek to understand him. Make it your STANDARD, so that you can not only be a better woman, but so that you can be a better judge of what you need to do for yourself next. Whether that be going home, or staying for a while enjoying your time together with him (which he might appreciate, rather than being pushed for marriage).

3) Find a way to test to see how much he cares, and how committed he really is. I have my own special instant test you can use in my program Commitment Control, to see how much he cares.

My husband David also has three commitment tests which will further help you decide how committed he really is.

And then, get the secrets to escalating his commitment and devotion to you. There’s a classy, Feminine and High Value way to do this, and I wouldn’t teach it any other way. You can learn more in Commitment Control:

http://commitment-control.com/

Love,

Renee.

P.S – got an opinion on this? Got some advice for Penelope? Leave it in the comments section below so that other women can learn from you! Your opinion or advice could make another woman’s day!

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What does Respect Look like to a Man? Read on to know how to Give a Man Respect…

Everybody knows men crave respect in an intimate relationship with a woman.

But it’s not always automatic to give it. Lately I’ve been toying with the idea that respecting a man is not 100% always a woman’s conscious choice, specifically in an intimate relationship situation.

Here’s why: I feel deep respect for my fiancee, and it’s not logical. I don’t TELL  myself to respect him. He earned it by not being willing to be a passive man. I FEEL respect. It’s in my gut, it’s in my heart, and it exists as a part of my body. It is a part of me, almost like the lifeblood that runs through my body.

However, I have also chosen to GIVE respect to him even when I was scared.

Do you feel the same? Do you think that respecting a man is not your choice? Perhaps it is something you have to FEEL for a man?

Men who Command a woman’s Respect Automatically

I believe there are some men in the world, a smaller population of men, who command respect from a High Value woman automatically.

For example: we walk past them in the street and it’s just the way he carries himself, the way he walks past you without checking you out and instead is fully focused on his mission in life; and he is true to that mission 100% and know his place in the world – you can’t help but respect him.

A woman who holds herself as Low Value might just chase after him and try to sleep with him and hope he will marry her, but a High Value woman will silently acknowledge him under her breath and give him respect instinctively.

A lot of men don’t deserve your respect; they talk a lot and do little, like many women do anyway.

Respect in a Relationship with a Man

But when it comes to a relationship with a man, here’s what I suggest. You may not respect him fully YET. But give him the benefit of the doubt for one month.

You have to give yourself the chance to FEEL respect for him and give him a chance to be the Man.

Unless of course, he is completely useless as a man in a relationship. Some men just like to walk through life getting easy sex and not caring about anyone but their Mom. IF they even care about their Mom. And they like to just check you out and they have no idea that human beings have feelings; and that we have a soul, deeper than just being a piece of meat.

These men are probably not worth your time.

And – you don’t have to respect any man who is not worthy of your respect OUTSIDE of dating or a relationship. But when it comes to dating and having a relationship with a man, respecting a man matters, for the health of the relationship between you both.

BUT – here’s why  suggest giving the man you’ve chosen to date, the benefit of the doubt and respect him:

If you don’t start off respecting a man in any way at all, he can’t trust you, and the foundation of your connection falls to pieces. He can’t be the man you want him to be in the relationship, because you don’t even believe in him. You’re not giving him that gift. And if you don’t believe in him, he won’t trust you, or commit to you fully. He’s going to doubt you and feel afraid.

If instead, you start off dating a man coming primarily from FEAR – you can’t show respect or feel respect anyway. You’re not even there yet, because you are too fearful, and too much in survival mode.

Another thing…

The majority of women in this world prefer to marry UP. To heighten their social status, to be more financially stable…to be with a man who is more intelligent than her and makes more money than her. It’s instinctive. It doesn’t mean you can’t marry a man who makes less money than you do – provided you respect him and are really attracted to him, it doesn’t matter.

But biologically, women are driven to seek men of status; and to seek men of higher status than we are.

Men know women seek High Status Men

And here’s why that matters in relation to respect: men know intuitively, that women prefer to seek men of High Status. They know that intuitively. They can’t always SAY that, but they do know it. Which means, if you are criticizing him, and if you are pointing out everything you think is a flaw, and if you CAN’T let him take YOU places and make decisions, he will automatically feel emasculated, and he won’t commit fully to you.

He might be casual with you, but he won’t commit fully to you.

There’s no reason to. He doesn’t get one of the most crucial things he wants from a woman; respect.

If you don’t respect a man – your eyes show it, your body language shows it, the words that come out of your mouth show it. So he feels it. And if he feels that you don’t trust him; that’s a sign to him that you don’t see him as a valuable, respectable man.

Be Honest With Yourself about the Type of Man You REALLY Want

Although I am almost certain that respecting a man mostly isn’t your choice (though I’d like your input on this one), I DO believe that in the beginning stages of a relationship, you are both quite unsure and don’t know each other that well yet; so you need to give him the benefit of the doubt. And when you DO this; many men will step up to the plate and BE that strong, powerful man for you; earning your respect, but in any long term relationship, you can’t just call him weak or emasculate him and EXPECT him to be the man you want him to be.

This is why it’s crucial for you to NOT just go for any man who seems willing and available to HAVE a relationship with you.

Not only are you hurting yourself, you’re hurting him.

If you want an Alpha Male, if you WANT a High Status man, don’t pretend that you don’t. Be honest with yourself; be authentic. Don’t cheap out and go for a man you’re not really attracted to because you feel desperate for a relationship. I have done this before, and I was essentially a complete fraud. I was to scared to go for a Higher Value man; and I guess for good reason: I had not BECOME a High Value woman myself yet.

Is Respecting a Man Really Your Choice?

I still believe that if you are choosing to date a man; that you need to at least have the courage to respect him first for one month, unconditionally. But don’t expect respect in return unless you are a High Value woman, either. And unless you genuinely choose to be there dating him.

It’s become obvious to me that many people throw the word respect around as if they own it. They say: “oh I don’t respect that person, I have no respect for them; they did this, and they did that; oh what a loser.” – well, nobody respects you either.

Don’t claim you don’t respect people just so you can feel all high and mighty for a minute. People can feel that empty clawing for a moment of significance and self importance because you feel like you are small. Genuine respect is felt. Genuinely give respect where it is due, and if you are unsure whether to to give respect; give them the benefit of the doubt.

I am aware that there are plenty of people out there who prefer to sit on the couch and do nothing their entire life and who have no respect for anyone. Well, they don’t even respect their own existence in this world; they don’t even respect the life they’ve been given.

If you are able to give a man that you’ve chosen to date respect to start with, then, over time, you will see, and learn more about him. And you can make your decision from there.

Here’s where you can start with men. How to Give a Man Respect:

9 times out of 10, in the relationships I observe today, it’s the woman who wears the pants. And the man remains passive. In reality, he’s scared as hell. His testicles are in her jar, up in her secret little hiding cupboard.

Unless you are a naturally masculine woman, this isn’t your natural place. It’s not your place to emasculate a man and not trust him to do anything, or make any big decisions, or feel the need to point out what the should do and where he went wrong.

So try not wearing the pants for one month with the men you meet.

Don’t be passive either; that doesn’t work. I know that most women who hear this will go and be passive instead; and start operating from another extreme.

But – don’t sit there waiting for a man to do everything; you can give a suggestion, but trust him enough to let him make his own decisions for you both about where to go, and YES – let him make every mistake under the sun in his life without telling him what to do.

The reason you don’t want to do this is the reason you have to do it. Because it scares you.

That’s what it means to be with a man; allowing him the opportunity to be a man for you, and to make his own mistakes. He will want to do better for you when he sees that you will accept him even when he stuffs everything up. That’s the way men test women.

And if you feel you are too scared to do this; try anyway. You can always leave the relationship if you want. You won’t die from it.

So with all this ‘Talk’ about respect, respect, respect, you might wonder; what IS respect, and what it means to respect a man. I’ll give you some suggestions.

How to Respect a Man:

(Choose from these options based on whether you’re just dating a man for 1-5 months, or in a long term relationship. I trust you to choose.)

And if you are more masculine  that’s fine. Ignore these; because you may not want a relationship where the man is masculine and you are feminine. Choose another type of relationship that is true to you.

1)  Respecting a man means to not wear the pants.

2)  To give him the gift of your joy and not withholding your joy out of fear.

3)  To respect the fact that he has an ego, and this ego needs to feel good. You have the choice to laugh at that and say to this: ‘what a joke’ – that’s up to you. But it all depends on how much you genuinely want a relationship and want true love, and not just a significance trip for yourself. People can feel the difference between these two, by the way.

4) When he makes a mistake, don’t say: “I told you so.” or “Remember when I TOLD you NOT to do that?!” Find something more compassionate to say. He’s a human being.

5) Smile and enjoy the fun when he forgets a turn off or goes in the complete wrong direction. Oh. No? Do you prefer to roll your eyes and cross your arms and shake your head and tell him where to go? If you do, them I ask; do you choose a loving and passionate relationship, or do you choose a dictatorship?

6) Want the BEST for him by actually wanting him to trust his OWN word first. NOT yours. He can’t feel safe to trust yours until he is man enough to trust his own and follow his own path.

*************

I remember an acquaintance of mine, they are a couple. His wife was extremely controlling and would say condescending things, and it was clear she never wanted the best for him; but just to keep him close. My fiancee and I would talk to her husband about a new business idea of his around our dinner table, and we would give him ideas and suggestions, and he would ponder them; during that time his wife would keep yelling out objections.

Whilst her husband was pondering new ideas with us, we’d discuss them with him and then he might say: “actually, I think I’ll follow David and Renee’s reasoning and listen to you.” and she would blurt out: “What?! NO! Listen to your WIFE!”

Here is my conclusion on How to Give a Man Respect:

When in doubt, and you’re just dating a man and he is not committed; give unconditional respect for one month. Genuine, real respect. Don’t wear the pants. If after a month and you’ve done this genuinely, and you are not more attracted to him, and you’re not ‘feeling’ it, then leave.

And if you’re reading this and you’re in a long term relationship or marriage, you do it for 90 days. Yes, 3 whole months.

Thanks for reading. I’m still wondering; do you agree that to respect a man, you have to FEEL it in your gut?

Do you believe that respecting a man is not your choice?

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Learn the Most important Factors you Need to Know on How to Find a Good Man…

To find a great man and have a lasting relationship with him, you Need:

….To be willing to sacrifice the immediate gratification you might get in any man who seems available to fill your loneliness.

….To learn to love the parts in a great man that scare you the most.

….To be willing to forget what your family and friends THINK is best for you. It’s your life, not theirs.

….To be willing to change (or positively influence) your friendship group. They are the ones who have the most powerful influence over your thinking and your choices in men. note: if all your friends are single, or single and angry, you want to give this point some extra thought.

….To be willing to give 3 times the value before you ask for anything in return from a man.

….To be willing to accept the possibility that perhaps, what most men want the most in a relationship is NOT sex. See this article for more.

….To be willing to seek out a great education on men, dating and relationships. This is an area of life nobody teaches us about (very cruel I believe). And what we THINK works to fix or maintain a relationship is usually not correct. Your relationship needs deep care and thought, and what works to maintain passion and love is usually counter-intuitive.

….To be willing to stop trying to control everything and analyse everything but instead…start living. Your femininity will shine, and you will start to attract better men.

….To be willing to seek out an understanding of men, instead of demanding they understand you first. Understanding Men benefits you the most. Not the man. It benefits you by allowing you to make better choices in men, waste less time, and to be able to be an enchanting goddess to Men and attract the best men out there.

….To be willing to not take advice from the type of women around you who have more judgements of men than appreciation of men.

….To be willing to sacrifice comfort and being fake for what is Real.

….To be willing to value something more than just your own selfish wants.

….To be willing to consider that fact that…you’re usually a little bit more Afraid of having a relationship than you are Motivated to enter one.

….To be willing to accept that yes, a great man wants to see your vulnerability, not just your body.

….To be willing to actually care. When it’s hard. Most women simply don’t have the courage to do this. And it takes practice. I believe true love is worth this and more.

….To be willing to accept that we don’t automatically ‘deserve’ a great man, we earn a great man by transforming ourselves first.

….To be willing to put as much energy in to the List of who You have to become to attract a great man as you did put in to the list of what You want in a man.

….To be willing to make friends with, and learn from the women who have already attracted a great man. They are not your enemy, and you don’t need to be jealous of them, even though seeing what they already have that you don’t yet have, may magnify your deepest fears and pain.

….To be willing to get to the End of this post and not cry: “but when is it time for MEN to do the work in a relationship!!” – maybe it’s time to stop feeling like you lost out and start appreciating that you tried along the way and it didn’t work out the way you wanted, and that is ok.

 Thanks for reading! Please add your advice and dot points to this list below in the comments section. I look forward to hearing from you!

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Discover the difference between listening and Not Talking…

Men need to be listened to as well. Common sense, right? Just not so common in action for us women.

As women sometimes it’s in our nature to just go up to a man and try and make certain that he hears what we’re feeling and hears our words even if we repeat the same thing over and over again using different words. In the end, after we’re done, he doesn’t feel listened to at all.

Then, if he complains that he doesn’t feel listened to, he runs the risk of us seeing him as less of a man. This starts a cycle of isolation for the man.

It took me a few goes to get what the difference between listening and NOT talking is. I thought that, if somebody told me I wasn’t listening, then to solve that problem, all I’d need to do is STOP TALKING. Wow, was I wrong.

Instead of not talking, I discovered what listening actually is:

Listening = actually caring enough to switch from selfish to compassionate. 

Not talking and compassionate are two very different things.

As such, describing listening with the word listening doesn’t do it justice. What I think we really mean when we want to be listened to is that we want another person to be compassionate towards us.

A new word for listening – Compassioning.

Even if you stop talking, the other person can nonetheless feel if you are not actually listening (compassioning; it’s a new word I’ve personally given to listening).

If a man says to you: “You’re not listening to me!” and you respond with “I AM listening!” you’re actually not listening at all.

If a man says to you: “You are not listening to me! I’m not being listened to!” and you go silent and think listening means shutting up, you are not listening.

Here is more on what listening is, as I have discovered:

Listening is when, a man says:

“I don’t think you respect me!” “I don’t feel like you care about me!” or “You never appreciate what I do!”

That you HEAR HIM. Not his words. HIM.

And instead of saying: “GOSH! I DO RESPECT YOU??! What more do you want!” or “what! How can you say I don’t care about you?! Where did you get that idea from!?” or “WHAT?? Even after everything I have done for you, you think I don’t CARE?!”

Listening is when – you say from a genuine place….”yeah, I know. I know.”  with genuine compassion. (By the way, compassion isn’t felt by other people in your words. Compassion is felt when you are compassionate.)

Another example of listening….When he’s intense and curt or acting like a boy and you say “Gosh that’s an awful way to feel. Especially about the person who is supposed to care the most about you!” Or “I’m so sorry that you feel that way. That must feel awful.”

Or “that must be really frustrating.”

If you can say these things…you are suddenly on a man’s side. He will go “ah. Finally. A woman of value. A woman who GETS me.”

Believe it or not, I’ve found that most women are far better at talking than they are at listening to men. ESPECIALLY to a man where women have the most fear, and also the most criticisms of men. We just THINK we’re listening, when in fact, he doesn’t feel listened to.

Here’s a measure I use on myself to see if I’m actually listening:

If you are justifying to him how mush you ARE listening, you aren’t listening. Because if you’re listening, you don’t even notice the need to justify or calculate it.

AND

If at any moment, the words coming out of your mouth are defending YOUR intentions, or your actions, or your position, you are sure as hell not listening and a man sure as hell doesn’t feel listened to.

Here’s what I learned from starting off as a really, really bad listener: If you have to defend yourself and say “I am not like that” when he tells you how he feels about you or something you did, you’ve created a battle between you both. You’re under the illusion that he wants to fight you. When, he doesn’t. Nobody ever really wants to fight you. A man is either calling out to you, or giving you a loving communication.

What I taught myself over the years is that unqualified, unconditional listening means listening, even when that person is blaming you. Even when he seems angry at you.

I’d like to think I’ve been 100% successful at listening yet, but I don’t think I can say that’s true. It is something I strive to do, though. And it is important to me.

Listening is simply something you do because you love to give, and listening is something you do with your BODY, your heart, and most of all, your unconditional compassion. Not because the other person will give you something you want for appearing to listen to them.

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Have You "TRIED" Everything?

I hate it when I get an email from a woman asking for my opinion on her dating or relationship problem and she says  ”I’ve already tried so hard to make it WORK” or I reply to an with a suggestion, and she returns my email with “Yeahhhh I’ve already tried that!”.

I hate when people say that!

Why?

Because it’s what I used to say. Apparently, I thought that “trying” to practice compassion for a night with my man until I reached “the end of my rope” meant its value as a method or its value as advice had worn out. Not so.

Now I look back and think: I TRIED compassion? the very thought is laughable. And I’ll explain why…

The words “I’ve already tried that” mean one or all of the following:

1) “I don’t really want to make the change/”I don’t really want to do it”. I want the other person to “go first”.

2) I want to justify why I should NOT continue putting the effort in.

3) I’m not willing to do whatever it takes to find out what the advice, method or suggestion really means. (I’ll just take it as I mean, Thank You. I’ll assume, maybe, that compassion just means forcing myself to “TRY” to understand someone for a night. Meanwhile, I’ll be rolling my eyes and thinking my man should shut up and listen to me and give me what I want).

Here is what I learned:

Don’t lie to yourself.

There is no try.

There is only do.

And do means giving 110%. The majority of the population live in the “try” part of everything that is important in their lives; and that’s why they don’t have as great a quality of relationship, or as great a job, or as great a quality of life as the people who don’t live in the ‘try’ part. Anything worth it in life takes commitment on your part. And yes, that includes finding your dream man and maintaining a lifelong, passionate relationship.

I think we are only qualified to say I’ve tried EVERYTHING or I’ve tried that when we have not stopped and continued to give it our best EVEN WHEN we thought we had nothing left in life. Even when we are exhausted and feel misunderstood and taken for granted.

Otherwise, the word try is simply a justification for a poor effort.

And justifications don’t JUST come in the form of the word “tried” or “try”. They come in the form of “too tired”. “Too depressed”. “Too manipulated by those around me.” “Too disadvantaged”.

I think a lot of people try to short-cut in relationships, like I used to. They think that doing something for 50 seconds means they should get their desired result (whatever that may be). Truth is, results have to be earned. Not demanded.

And then what happens is we become DESERVING of what we wanted in the first place.

Kind of like this:

So, about 4 years ago, when I realized I was telling myself a bunch of lies and hurting my man and those around me – I DECIDED that I would never use the word try in my vocabulary ever again. I hesitate to say that I’ve been successful, because we all slip up, but I think I might have been pretty close.

Because my love life has never been the same again, and neither has my life in general.

No try.

Only DO.

If you don’t believe me on this “try” thing – I want to know; where are your car keys?

Why?

Because I want you to go and TRY to pick them up, wherever they are. No, I don’t want you to pick them up!! I want you to TRY to pick them up.

And let me know how that goes.

And, if there’s one principal I know works in the long run, in all areas of life, it’s this:

Demand more from yourself than you demand from others. Hoards of women out there are demanding more from men, their friends, their family, than they demand from themselves. This is called “taking”. And nobody likes a  taker. Especially in the area of human relationships.

And then, suddenly, you become deserving of all the great things in life. While other people are wondering why you are so “lucky” to have such a great relationship, or so “lucky” to have such a great job, or so “lucky” to have well-behaved children, you know, it has nothing to do with luck. (Lucky is a bit of a loaded word, I think).

And, this is the best gift you can give yourself. To demand more from yourself. It’s makes you passionate. It makes you a “great catch”. it gives you a thing called self respect. A thing called poise. A thing called grace and honor.

Worth DOING for, do you think?

What do you think of this post? Share your experience with us in the comments below. Thanks for reading! 

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