Each woman has many different personalities and energies within her. This is one reason why men who are not already in love with one woman (their mind and body is committed to one woman) have a tendency (key word – tendency) to want to experience sex with all different women – it is to experience the different energies of different women.

(Click here to take the quiz “How Feminine Am I Actually?”)

So, the more we reject different parts of ourselves that are dying to be expressed inside, the less whole we really are, and the less High Value we are in relationship to men, generally speaking.

But what if you’re a woman who is afraid to embrace her feminine energy?

That’s all of us, almost.

Sometimes I think although women are keen to get rights and become equal with men; in the process, we’ve started to compete with men and we’ve sometimes become too obsessively identified with the directed go-getter in ourselves – the masculine energy.

This is a wonderful thing – but it’s not wonderful when we obsessively identify with is JUST because we feel desperate to be seen; acknowledged.

I mean, imagine if the men of the world who naturally identify more with the masculine energy began to compete with women in their radiance and beauty. Some men do, and in my view, it is not the most pleasant experience to be around them.

Feminine Energy needs to be Seen – for its radiance

Because to be seen for something we’re not is a painful cycle. The truth is – feminine women desire to be seen. Because in our core, we are light. We are energy. We are flowing, changing energy of love. And that deserves to be seen and loved.

Although, it has been made wrong or ‘weak’ to many of us. In other words, it’s not ok to simply wear a dress or smile and receive love. Instead, we have to over-exert ourselves to become something that we are not so we can fit in.

So because simply being light is made wrong or undeserving of love, we think the masculine energy is the way to be identified and seen. Yay! (not really).

We try to achieve status and ‘win’ things. We think that to be worthy, we have to become the top of the rung, or to dominate people. This significance seeking is the driver of masculine energy. Feminine energy is more driven by connection.

If we’re truly feminine inside, what we really want to be SEEN and appreciated for is our love energy – in our soul and in our body, and if we try to be ‘seen’ for our achievements and the way we dominate a field, rather than being seen spontaneously as a woman who is alive and expressive and loving, those of us who are more feminine inside might begin to feel angry, resentful, and like something blissful is missing.

What it means for us to be ‘High Value’

I for one, appreciate the masculine men of the world who don’t sway from who they truly are. The directed men who are that way because they just ARE. They were born that way.

The ones who are strong willed but don’t force themselves on us. Those are the men who enjoy being who they really were born to be. They don’t feel it’s wrong to be who they are.

I feel these men as a gift – mainly because it IS a gift. They were born that way. And they haven’t tried to twist themselves out of shape, they haven’t covered their true desire for challenge and for freedom with layers of ‘must please people by being super sensitive and radiant and unthreatening’.

Essentially, if we are being something we are NOT – we risk taking value from others, because we are wearing a mask out of fear. Fear is sensed by people. And we only develop our masks to get approval and to fit in.

The men and women of the world who are cool with being who they truly are, usually don’t take as much value.

(Click here to take the quiz “How High Value High Status Am I on Facebook?”)

Why?

Because they aren’t entering in to relationships with an exchange in mind. ie; I do this for you in the hope that you’ll give me approval in return.

I will be something I am not – because I’m afraid of losing love if I don’t do this.

How to bring out your high value 

So this is the first step to being your high value; it is to now begin the process of making every single part of you ok. It’s the process of making every feeling you have ok.

So essentially, 2 aspects:

1) Make every single part of yourself ok. The sexual parts, the angry parts, the overwhelmed, ‘can’t do it anymore’ parts, the masculine parts, the feminine parts, and the depressing parts. All of you. The people you see around you that you judge and hate? That is or has been a part of you at some stage.

2) Honour and respect every feeling you have.

When you make different feelings ok – you don’t go out and start resenting men for triggering you to feel that way (which takes value), you let the feeling happen because you know that this is life, and feelings happen. They’re meant to happen in relationships and it’s not his fault.

Men aren’t the perpetrators. Our hatred and resistance of our own dark emotions is the perpetrator. We can’t resist the emotions that make us feel the least capable, because if we do, all that is at the other side is a snarling, defensive woman for others to deal with. When we resist our vulnerability, all that is left is actually a combative, self-defensive response – because our bodies are in the midst of perceiving a threat to our safety.

The real safety, unless we are in a real life dangerous situation is to feel how scared we are behind our tension and our need to blame men. Why? Because once the feeling is felt, and our bodies see that we are actually not about to die from letting the feeling happen – our bodies are free to go to the next feeling. What feelings you let happen will pass.

How can you bring out your unique feminine energy?

1) Surround yourself with lots of women and let their energy inspire that same energy inside of you. Even if you haven’t made it ok to be like that in decades. Meet with and chat with lots of women. Open, free women are your best answer.

You are still able to have your closer, more special friends, but you must socialize with women of all different energies and backgrounds. And open your body when you’re with them. Stay out of your head if that’s your habit – and stay in your body. Let who THEY are inspire and bring to life the parts of you that are dormant.

This way, you can relate to them – because you’re mirroring their energy, AND you get the gift of lighting the fire in the personalities in yourself that you’ve killed out of self judgement.

For me, the hardest part to be was the extroverted part of me. When I was young, I was very expressive and extroverted. My mother was like this. She had a gift of being able to talk to anyone without judging herself. I was like that, too as a little girl.

Until I hit my teens and I was all like ‘Nup. Gotta stay closed now. People aint safe. Gotta be on guard now.’

What do you do when you meet women who don’t seem to make good friends?

Well, there’s still value in them. But they quickly lose their value if they exclude you and make you wrong for being the way you are even after repeated attempts on your part to connect with them.

It’s ok to exclude people from your circle. The idea is not to make friends of everybody. It is to seek diversity and embrace diversity beyond your comfort zone. So, perhaps make friends with women you normally would judge.

This is the first key to bringing your unique feminine energy and high value to life.

The second part of bringing out your unique feminine energy

2) As you interact, notice when your belly knots up with closed judgement and fear. It’s ok to have it. But it might be nice if you asked yourself; ‘is it needed right now, with this woman?’

She might be able to gift you with her energy and you might be able to gift each other.

Hanging around men all the time doesn’t help fuel our feminine soul.

Being with other feminine souls will, though!

And the best thing about it is that once we do this, we naturally become more attractive. Attractive is love energy and aliveness. This DOESN’T mean being happy all the time! Depression and sadness is still aliveness. That is if you let depression and sadness be felt until it is gone – rather than using it in the long term to snatch attention from people habitually.

I used to do this. And yes, it took a lot of value from others.

Women need to be with women

In the days where we lived in tribes of 50-100 or more, often, the women had the freedom to be with each other and socialize. And the men would be with other men.

By doing his, men would become more masculine and women became more feminine. Feminine energy begets feminine energy and masculine energy begets masculine energy. Nowadays, we go and work and drudge through a work day our soul hates – and it makes our authentic energy dormant.

It’s like we don’t have time to do the things that light us up anymore.

And then we come home to a man – and hope that since he’s our ‘best friend’, we should feel alive. Not really. Part of being high value is getting the feminine energy from our girlfriends and being open to new friends so that we are free to not rely on a man for EVERYTHING.

He can’t be everything. He can’t take every role. Plus, you don’t really want him to become a girlfriend, right?

We will have more passionate relationships when we don’t expect our man to take the role of our girlfriend, mother, dad, sister, and lover…the relationship then has the chance to be more passionate when WE naturally bring our energy and aliveness to the table because we’ve already filled ourselves up with the fuel we need.

Do you want to learn how to relate to a man in a high value way? Click here to get Understanding Men program.

Tell me about some women friends you have and admire! What qualities do they have that you admire? What you admire in another is what you are often afraid to be yourself. So by writing it here, you can remind yourself that you already ARE the woman you admire.

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  • Super Janice

    In my opinion, instead of being with women, they need arts!
    I personally don’t need to a man and girlfriends because I enjoy singing.

  • Super Janice

    This significance seeking is the driver of masculine energy. Feminine energy is more driven by connection.

    If we’re truly feminine inside, what we really want to be SEEN and appreciated for is our love energy – in our soul and in our body, and if we try to be ‘seen’ for our achievements and the way we dominate a field, rather than being seen spontaneously as a woman who is alive and expressive and loving, those of us who are more feminine inside might begin to feel angry, resentful, and like something blissful is missing.

    I don’t know what I really want to be seen!

  • Super Janice

    My classmates: Adelle, Sofia, Ruth and Sarah are feminine.
    I thought Sarah and Ruth are tomboys just because:
    1) Ruth likes sports
    2) Sarah and Ruth like wearing pants

    However, I found out Adelle, Sarah and Ruth are close friends!
    Now I realize the reason is because they share their feminine energy.
    Sofia is pretty feminine, but she only has one close friend because:
    Like me, she was the new student in the school.

    Hence, I am here hoping to know whether I have rejected my feminine or have a masculine core.

  • I love the way the articles on this site are written, so positively and careful with feelings. Reading this really makes me feel slightly better about myself and about letting me feel my feelings and talking about my feelings (while my husband on weekdays just really feels way to tired after work to deal with my feelings haha, I love being myself and all my feelings with it!).

    • Naww, I’m glad Julie! Thanks for your comment.

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