The following are examples of what I feel an alpha male would not look like. Having said that…

Beware of these if you are in a Long-term Relationship!

If you are in a long term relationship right now, take these 5 indicators LIGHTLY. They do not hard core apply to YOU all the time, because when you spend THAT much time with someone, you realise that we all have moments where we slip in to different roles and he might have done something once or twice that indicated he was a beta male but really he isn’t. (Click here to complete the quiz “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?)

And that is normal, and natural and there’s nothing wrong with that. Just like you show up in your masculine energy sometimes, no matter how beautifully feminine or motherly you are 80% of the time.

If you’re dating…

This post is for you if you are single and dating and want a strong alpha male and want to sift through the men who perhaps won’t be that strength for you when you need him to be. I don’t know about you – but I know when I was dating, it was INCREDIBLY helpful to have signs to go by, before wasting time with someone who isn’t right for you.

What is an Alpha Male?

In today’s day and age, because most of us do not live in tribes anymore, the alpha male might not be as OBVIOUS, so that’s why I believe signs are more important.

Thousands (even millions) of years ago, it was obvious who the alpha male was; he was the guy who lead the tribe, who got the pick of ALL the women, and fathered most of the tribe’s population!

But of course, other men hated that because they didn’t get the opportunity to pass on their genes; one man commandeered all the female reproductive resources; so of course, the society we have today works MUCH better for most of us; where, for some of us, we can be UNEMPLOYED and still pass on our genes.

Hell, we can live off the government, be on drugs, and still Pass on our genes. Not good; but it still happens.

Yet; as a woman, you can feel whether a man is a dominant or submissive man, right?

Here is how I define an Alpha Male

In today’s day and age, signs that a man is an alpha male are signs that he has a strong masculine energy; that he is not afraid to be dominant and to hold his ground.

Just because a man is an alpha male doesn’t mean he can’t have a well developed feminine energy, too. Remember that! It’s simply because he’s more multi-dimensional.

Dominant, BUT in what Way?

Now for some men, they’ll be the ‘dominant asshole’, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing; it depends how he shows up as that asshole. And some women still like this type of man, and it works for them, which is great!

Or, you get the (rare) enlightened man who is spiritual and still very clearly alpha; or has a strong masculine energy. These men are rare; and it takes a well developed feminine energy to create attraction and develop a relationship with this type of man. (Get your “Goddess Report” here)

And sometimes, it’s hard to tell what man is what, so that’s where some indicators come in really handy!

Here are the 5 indicators that a man is not an Alpha Male:

1) When socializing and talking, he often talks in a way that puts other people down.

For me, there really is no faster indication that this man has a very weak masculine energy. Not only because he’s insecure, that’s not even half of the reason! The reason why this is a sure-fire indicator that a man is not an alpha male is because alpha males are far more centered and focused than that! In order to look to put others down indirectly or directly, it just shows his lack of ability to focus and the lack of direction in his life.

Men who have a sense of mission, and who are focused, don’t have the brain space to look for ways to gossip and TALK about how other people are less than, or are losers.

Plus, lengthy discussion and gossip is something women do. Look out for this one. I really can’t stand men who gossip in a way that puts other down; because I can feel their lack of authenticity.

Sure, sometimes we all have to gossip and maybe tell it like it is; but there’s a difference between telling it like it is and having most of what comes out of your mouth be a put down or criticism of other people. Gossip is a form of sharing of feminine energy – not a strong masculine energy.

2) Other women don’t pay attention, and aren’t interested in listening to him when he speaks.

An alpha male more often than not, has the ability to engage people and is not afraid to engage people. Always take a man out with some of your girlfriends. Firstly; if he cares about you; he won’t avoid it.

If he just wants sex, he’ll try to avoid it. If he comes along, observe what he’s like with your friends. It’s not a secret that if a man is standing and talking, and a few women are looking at him, his attractiveness to women automatically goes up incredibly, studies have proved this, and it is in the subconscious female mind.

It’s a kind of ‘pre-selection’; ie: other women are willing to give him the time of day; other women like him, which means A LOT in the female mind when it comes to choosing the best man. It also helps you feel more secure choosing him.

3) He seeks approval. A big one.

Any man with a strong masculine energy will listen to a woman’s opinion, but take it in to consideration.

An alpha male is so strong in his choices; and he is so stable in his own choices that other people’s opinion only count for so much. HIS choices matter the most.

If he’s seeking approval from other women especially, then observe carefully.

The way I learned this was through my ex. This is a very extreme example. It’s almost….too weird to share. But I’m ok with that.

I used to have to reassure him that his jeans looked ok on him. Not once. Not even twice, and no, not thrree times, but over and over again! Yikes!

See, I know what a bad idea it is to be the man in a relationship when it isn’t natural for you (and it definitely wasn’t natural for me). No wonder I couldn’t stand him; I stayed because I didn’t know any better. AND because I thought it was cool to have everything ‘under control’. Thank Goodness I now know better. (read my article about how to get out of your painful relationship now)

4) He never knows where his keys and wallet are.

You can test this out with a (literal) and fun test, if you are far along enough in the dating process to be able to do this. Have his back turned to where his keys and wallet are and in a playful and excited voice; ask him: “without looking around, where are your keys? And also where is your watch?”

Are you wondering what this has to do with anything? Well; A LOT! Think about it….masculine energy is very directed. A man can’t be a hunter, or fight at war, or take charge of anything if his mind and eyes are lazy and wandering all over the place; he has to have some sort of direction.

I don’t care how long ago men were hunters; it is in their DNA, males have (over the course of millions and millions of years) trained themselves to properly and efficiently hunt.

And a man who is mostly living in his masculine energy and who has a strong masculine energy, will KNOW where he keeps his keys! Why? Because his keys are the reason he can GO or drive anywhere, in the direction he wants to go.

If he loses things all the time; do you feel good? Do you trust him? Or do you just think he’s cute?

Remember that masculine energy is directional – it knows where it’s going; and if it doesn’t, it finds out – or pretends to know, at least for that moment 🙂 A man with a weaker masculine energy most of the time; won’t mind you telling him where to go, and he’ll relax and enjoy that. An alpha male or a very masculine man will probably ignore you instead if you tried. And thank goodness! Finally! A man you can respect!

5) The complainer.

You already knew that in your gut though, didn’t you? The man who complains about work, about his boss, about his ex, about his mother, and his father.

The man who has a bad shoulder injury and goes on and on about it. Oh, and ENJOYS telling the story of how bad it is and how it happened over and over and over and over again.

Complaints complaints complaints.

So…..Where or when does he have any time to actually take the problem at hand and deal with it?

WELL! He’s not even looking to deal with the problem. He just wants to blurt a bunch of complaints out. Good for him! But maybe not so good for you if you want a passionate relationship with him!

Talking through things and being hurt and upset or even complaining is what you and I do together, as women, because our natural feminine instinct is not to solve any problems. Connection is the lifeblood of the feminine.

We just need to connect, talk, and 2 hours later; WAH-LA! We feel better, and it’s like that other problem didn’t exist. (what was the original problem again??)

The bounce returns to our step and we are ready to move on to the next thing. If a man is more towards the alpha male on a spectrum of Beta -> Alpha, then he will not complain, but rather, eliminate (move away from), or SOLVE the problem.

Not solving the problem makes him feel like less of a man.

I was happy to finally find a man who didn’t complain, after dating several men.

Looking at my husband’s personality, I cannot remember even once where he complained about anything.  And of course, I adore him for it.

When I realised this about him; it was like a huge light bulb went off in my head (and in my heart); this taught me A LOT about the past men I dated, and how they were nothing compared to the man I have now.

Contrast, baby. Contrast.

And, the best thing about this is that I can trust him to be a man; so I can relax and be a woman. If you’re looking for a passionate relationship where you are taken care of, this is an important one, so look out for it!

Before I found my husband, men used to try to lure me in by telling me how bad their ex girlfriend was and how they don’t have enough sex and how their work is crap…and this is without me even asking; so their complaints were not really in context of an ongoing conversation!

They were random, inauthentic attempts to get my attention. No thanks! Next!

There are a lot of other indicators that a man is not an Alpha Male. Have you experienced any of these Signs with the men you’ve dated? Share it with us! Do you have any comments to add to the mix? Leave a comment below sharing it with us. 🙂

And one last thing: If you are looking for ways to screen out immature men, I can give you all the right questions to ask a man to test him and how good his character is, click here to check Understanding Men program.


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769 Comments on "5 Simple Signs He is NOT An Alpha Male"

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Hi Renee, very well written and well reasoned feminine perspective on the subject. The alpha/beta male is indeed rooted deep in our evolutionary DNA and so are females interaction with and between them. The overall impression of your article is that females tend to seek out alpha males and tend to avoid beta males, which, is and has always been apart of the evolutionary mandate of females. I myself admit to being a beta male and have no problem with it at all and I think your article does justice in helping other women recognize and pursue what they desire… Read more »

Being worried what a woman thinks he should be — the only actual sign he isn’t an alpha male.


Women basically like men who are emotionless, direct, dominant, aggressive and act like assholes. Because they are the complete opposite? Emotional, indirect, submissive, soft and nice? Straight people are so simple minded. The opposite sex HAS to be opposite in characteristics too? I guess. I think it’s kinda dumb but if that’s what makes babies and keeps the world going then I guess so.

Sunanda Gaskins

It’s just our nature. There’s no dumb or smart about it.


I wish people would realize that the whole Alpha / Beta concept in nature, taken from wolves, is actually total bullsh!t. The study that found that behaviour in wolves later discovered the dominant behaviour of the “Alphas” simply happened because those wolves were… get this.. the PARENTS of the other wolves.

The Alpha male / beta male concept is total pseudoscience, sadly pop psychology hasn’t got the memo.

Federico Dion

Like your post. Little subjective but… still good.

Mainak Bag
Well its time we stop giving these inefficient weaklings who mask their worthlessness as ‘femininity and live off other people any social currency. Guys and girls here, it is not manly to be focused, directed, positive, solvers and doers. It’s human. It’s the animal energy. And if its manly then be manly. Because as a girl, as a woman, if you think its a man’s job, stop there. Its not. Men, all men I know. All of them. Want interesting women, inspiring ones, inspiring with kindness and with their steel. They have taken bullets and died for the country. And… Read more »
Mainak Bag
Well its time we stop giving these inefficient weaklings who mask their worthlessness as ‘femininity and live off other people. Guys and girls here, it is not manly to be focused, directed, positive, solvers and doers. It’s human. It’s the animal energy. And if its manly then be manly. Because as a girl, as a woman, if you think its a man’s job, stop there. Its not. Men, all men I know. All of them. Want interesting women, inspiring ones, inspiring with kindness and with their steel. They have taken bullets and died for the country. And they have saved… Read more »
Mainak Bag
Well its time we stop giving these inefficient weaklings who mask their worthlessness as ‘femininity and live off other people any social currency. Guys and girls here, it is not manly to be focused, directed, positive, solvers and doers. It’s human. It’s the animal energy. And if its manly then be manly. Because as a girl, as a woman, if you think its a man’s job, stop there. Its not. Men, all men I know. All of them. Want interesting women, inspiring ones, inspiring with kindness and with their steel. They have taken bullets and died for the country. And… Read more »
Ciraulo, Ben

Well I guess I’m beta, maybe I shouldn’t have relationships because I feel like my wife will never admit that she wants alpha even though during arguments she brings how I make less. I do my best, I try to work hard. I’m sick of women wanting alpha males when most women won’t even give men a shot, women these days freak at the prospect of a man telling them what do unless its their boss haha maybe we should pay women to listen, it works for their boss.

John Beltrez

Also to men out there reading this, if you have any of these traits you can work to be a better man. Pay attention to details, defend your rights, help others be positive dont put people down. That also means not developing relationships with women who dont respect you. It will only make your path to being a stronger man a real struggle. One last thing fighting does not make you an alpha male it makes you a Beta that cant control a situation.


Its true that talking about feelings too much is unhealthy for a man.

Bob Miner

Your list sounds more like a brain dead drone than a MAN. The man your list produces has an IQ of 80, knows nothing more than where his keys, and wallet are located. He will need to know where his keys are to keep you supported, and he doesn’t need a wallet, you spend it all anyways. I don’t have time for this femininineine BS, Arm, Equip and Train as Militia


Disgusting woman.

Girls usually look for man who are masculine and well build in the very initial phase of dating someone, but beware of men who are just build up masculine, the thought mindset and concerns regarding you and family should be also masculine.. once i dated a man who was very handsome and good looking but he failed to show his real masculine traits while speaking his mind. He was very rude, egoistic and a man who keeps u always on the guessing mode…what next?.. so just look for the real man who can actually take care of you and can… Read more »
Jeremy Langenfeld
Bullshit. A real man is not concerned about social norms, and if he has hard feelings there is nothing wrong with talking to a good friend about it. Yes we’d all like to be sociopathic robots so shallow women like you can feel secure, but isn’t it at essence about honesty, and self honesty. I think if we lived in a world where people were more accepting of others real feelings or insecurities, or what you may so call beta, we, as a whole would be in a lot better place. Manhood is fake and developed out of threat. Its… Read more »
Combat skier

Alpha males, perceived or otherwise, will be the end of life on earth. We could evolve past these fucks, but articles like this keep perpetuating their “confidence” and non critiquing lifestyle. They are non thinking drones who are breeding more “confidence” in their own bullshit. The Stone Age didn’t end for lack of stone.


Can a homosexual man, be an Alpha Male? Just throwing that out for debate.

Brandon Gilmore
This bitch says she has a husband??! Yikes! That pooorrrr bastard. Oh my goodness can you imagine dealing with this woman day in and day out??? Hahaha, in all her genius wisdom. I have never read such a bunch of half cocked, archaic, poorly put together, assumed assemblage of nonsense ever in my life. Jesus on the cross come save this bitch. I GUARANTEE you! This woman’s husband provided he actually exists, wears a rumbo/rumbi/rombi thing. You know the one piece button up and shorts clothing item that is all over the internet now for guys hahaha. One of those.… Read more »
Logan Calderon-Henderson
Logan Calderon-Henderson

Great… a Beta female trying describe an Alpha Male. Thats like a Blind woman trying to describe a rainbow.

Well a guy who is not masculine forces the woman to be in that rol and feels strange. I’ve done it twice. And I felt unprotected, and like I was the man, dominating! having to make the big decisions, comfort him EVERY day when he complains about jobs (he changed jobs and about a week started whining) and family and politics and even how people drives. No purpuse or direction in life. Very emotional and erratic and nervous. Could never hold his ground. He even had girly attitudes. Like body language. He would say he was scared before I could… Read more »

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