1) The only difference between a friendship and a relationship is intimacy. If you have a sexless marriage or a sexless relationship, what are you? companions? best friends? If a couple doesn’t have much sex, then this generally means they lack passion, and that they could be more in love. There’s no such thing as losing the feeling of being in love. You just lose the ‘state’ of being in love, and you lose polarity/passion with your spouse.  You can be in love and have passionate sex way in to your old age. (Click here to take the quiz on “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?”)

Yes, sex is not the only way to achieve intimacy, but it is one of the main and most important ways to achieve intimacy between a man and a woman. Not making sex a priority can cause your relationship to deteriorate. The passion dies out.

2) Women can go to their girlfriends, a counselor, a guy friend, a mother, father, relative, aunt, to connect and talk to people. Men don’t generally do this.

I’m not saying there aren’t men who DO call their guy friends up for a long chat about their feelings, problems and sex life, but this is not common.

Sex is one of the major and most important ways through which a man gets his needs of connection/love met. Men aren’t just asking for sex because it feels good (although that’s part of it too). (read my article about why men love blowjobs)

If a man loves his woman, he wants to have sex with her because he loves her and wants her to be open to him. This is one of the main ways in which a man expresses his love, and it is one of the major ways in which a woman can show and prove her love for her man (although by no means the ONLY way).

For a lot of men, his woman is the only place he can go to for connection and love. His woman is often the only source he has. Men have many challenges in the world – and it’s important that he has a woman who understands his needs. Of courseunderstanding a man’s needs is not about just giving him sex. Men have many other needs, too. But the issue of sex is one that many women struggle with.

And, the modern western world has been affected by the feminist movement which has given women the idea that they shouldn’t prioritize a man’s needs, and that includes not wanting to meet his sexual needs regularly. However, the man is still expected to meet her needs!

Your man’s needs are just as important as the needs of your children or the needs of your friends! At the end of it all – your man is the one you’re going to be left with. Children will grow up and leave. Friends will have their own lives. A sexless marriage or a sexless relationship can cause a man to become dejected and resentful, as with every rejection the negative association (with his wife or girlfriend) becomes stronger.

3) Let’s talk about masculine and feminine energy, which relates very, very closely to sex. The masculine energy is about releasing. The feminine energy is about filling up. I’ll say that again. The masculine energy wants to release and the feminine energy wants to fill up.Filling up is also very much about the emotional aspect of things.

The feminine energy has many ways to fill up – shopping, having sex, talking to girlfriends, connecting with pets, talking, listening, and much more. The masculine energy has many ways in which they can release, too – but men don’t generally think the way women do.

Click here to take our popular program Understanding Men.

4) It feeds a man’s needs for love from his woman. I know a lot of women will want to lash out at me for saying this – but if two people are in a relationship, and the woman denies her man of sex, puts the children/career/girlfriends/other family first, then over time, this starts to build up negative associations within the man in relation to the woman, and makes him feel less like a man, less loved, less accepted – and this can (NOT always!) lead to cheating. (read my article about can a man be monogamous?)

Sex with a woman whom he loves fulfills a very deep need for love and acceptance within a man. If you’re not attracted to him enough in order to want to have sex with him, over time, he may start to feel less of a man – more like you don’t accept him as a man and that you’re not attracted to him. This is a painful thing to feel.

This is also one reason why men cheat. A lot of their emotional needs are met through sex!!

In The Truth about Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do to Prevent It licensed family counselor M. Gary Neuman studied hundreds of men who had cheated on their wives, in order to find out why they did.

His results show clearly that the main reason why men did cheat on their women was for emotional reasons. When asked what led to their cheating, the answers given by the men showed up as follows:

  • 48% – primarily emotional dissatisfaction
  • 32% – equal emotional and sexual dissatisfaction
  • 8% – primarily sexual dissatisfaction

This doesn’t mean women should be pressured in to having sex. Women and men (equally) need to work on creating passion, love and excitement with their spouse so that lack of sex will not be a problem, but rather – lack of free time, space or opportunity for it 😉 – a much healthier problem!!

5) I’ll be as frank as I can.

Never expect to just be loved and adored for who you are without having to put any effort and sweat in to anything. We are all enough – but you can never, ever – expect to have and keep the man of your dreams or to have a passionate lifelong, loving relationship where you’re worshipped and adored by your man for life if you do not give to him. It’s all about the standards you have for yourself.

And, it’s important to remember that women (and men) must give to their spouse in a way that their spouse can receive it! If you just give or express love to them in the way YOU think is best – but the other person doesn’t perceive love in this, then it’s very easy for that relationship to break down.

If you’re always thinking of yourself, and constantly quantifying what you get and give in your relationship (like that terrible, TERRIBLE sayingGive-and-take) you will never have and experience that amazing relationship that everyone dreams of and which everybody wants. (Click here to take the quiz “How High Value High Status Am I on Facebook?”)

That’s all for now. Do you have any thoughts on this subject? Feel free to share them below. And, if you did like the article, let me know. Also, let me know if you hated it too 🙂

AND – if you want to understand more about men and sex, read my article ‘Why Men Love Blow Jobs‘.



  • Male - Fuwo says:

    One thing that is often very poorly described in written form is the nature and importance of a man’s sexual instinct (sex drive). It is often described as being “not the most important thing in a marriage”. I even seem to recall reading someone on this forum somewhere describing this way. However, describing it thus is really over simplistic to the point of being unrealistic. Although risky and difficult, I would like to try and describe in words what it is like to a married man to be deprived of sex. By this I mean having to get into bed every night and lay down beside his naked wife, having her right there beside him but having her either neglect or refuse his needs for long periods of time.
    The idea that sex to a man is not the most important part of a marriage is only true if his wife is doing the honourable thing and meeting his needs. It is not true if this condition is not met. To a man, sex can be described as being like hunger. If you are well fed, you know you are going to get three meals a day and the source of food is reliable, then the small amount of hunger you may experience between meals is insignificant and tolerable. It is not a big deal. However,if there is no food and you have nothing to eat, ignoring the hunger does *not* make it go away. In this case, the hunger, the driving instinct to get food just increases and increases, getting stronger and stronger. It is the same for a married man with sex. If his wife is faithful, loyal and reliable sexually, then his need for sex is kept controlled and the instinctive sex drive is minimal. However, this is not so if his wife is being unreliable as a sexual partner. As one author I read said, if a man is sexually fulfilled, it is 10% of a marriage but if he is sexually starved, it is 90%. That is when you can get into big trouble with your marriage. I like to think of sex as being like the oil that keeps all of the gears in your marriage working smoothly. If that oil is missing, it will only be a matter of time before the marriage machinery starts to fall to pieces.

    • Marcus says:

      Well said. I am in a marriage that had a strong sexual component for ~18 years, but which has tapered off to a slow drip, and I’m off to see a lawyer.

  • Thomas Winston says:

    I agree with you 100 percent!

  • kristinhazcats says:

    Men are too needy

  • Alexine Sarmiento says:

    Why men always like that, they have no problem about childbearing and they don’t care about woman is pregnant. THAT IS GUYS FAULT!!! (it depends)

  • Michael says:

    Prior to my marriage, our relationship and the spontaneous sex was incredible. We got married and things went South from there. I was at the age of 54, and no dummy. Something was up! Ultimately, I was a paycheck and she decided It was time to move on and I wasn’t good enough! Four years of weird hell. Counseling was a joke! Oh, I didn’t mention that this was her third marriage. Or, was it her fourth? She was greedy and not trustworthy. For Gods, sake, I thought I was doing the right thing. Now I’m 58, and lonely as hell. She is remarried and life marches on. Being single, for me, is a curse!

  • Luna Camarthan says:

    A few years ago I was with a man and someone I was very close to died. That evening I was in tears and my boyfriend started getting sexy with me. I was so angry! How could he possibly think I wanted sex at a time like that! A couple of years later his father died and I couldnt understand how he still wanted sex that night. We had a huge row (no, Im not proud of it) and in the heat of that row he said “would it kill you to at least try to make me feel better?! ” And then I understood and that I feel is the crux of the issue. Men generally want sex because it makes them feel good but women need to feel good in order to have sex. And unfortunately, life makes it hard for women to feel good in the way that they need. The answer to many of lifes stresses for men is to have sex but if you are a woman (again, not all women) there are so many stresses that we often just dont feel like sex.
    Any way, once I had this epiphany everything changed. I decided to try it my boyfriends way and not wait until I was feeling great before having sex but trusting that he would be able to help me feel great by having sex. The result? We are now married with 3 children and sometimes I hear the words ‘not now woman youve worn me out’😉

  • thenose says:

    I worked towards 2 college degrees. A Bachelors and a masters. Still unemployed and angry about it.. My wife and I have been married 30 years. My wife seems to value our relationship on how much money “I” make. since being unemployed, my wife has no longer been giving me sex. Its been 10 months. I can tell you with every fiber of my being I am going to cheat on her. I am sick of this shit. I have become resentful of her denying me sex. Going to bed early, rising, not talking to me all day….. I have read where woman divorce their husbands, and later on very much, really regret their decision. This is one of those times. I REALLY hate it when woman think they can use SEX as a weapon. I have news for ALL you woman who do this….. many of you will find out your man has stepped out….. who’s fault do you think it is going to be when he does? YOURS.

  • Andre Garcia says:

    This article is so sexist against men… it’s ridiculous… but the part that is the most uncalled for is when it talks about men having no outlet for communication of their feelings, absolutely untrue. And women can go to a ‘guy friend’?! If you are in a committed relationship, take it from me, relieve yourself from any close ‘guy friends’… no man should ever have to feel in competition with another for the love, affection, and time of the woman he loves.

  • Good ol' Countryboy says:

    You hit it right on the head. My wife refused to have sex with me for 2 years. Before that we only had sex once every couple of months. I had no connection with my wife emotionally during the 10+ years we had no or almost no sex. I became withdrawn and very resentful. It hurt that I loved my wife so much but felt no love from her. I tried to talk with her about it but she continued give her all to the kids, career, friends etc… There was nothing for me. We were on the verge of divorce. I actually had started looking to find a woman who would appreciate me, and love me. After all, I received no love from my wife. Everyone has a coping mechanism for the stresses of life, and sex was that mechanism for me. This means that I had no way to relieve the pressures of life. This cause the development of high blood pressure. Also the many years of nearly no sex caused me to develope erectile dysfunction. Our relationship is better thanks to my wife listening to a pastor and his wife in marriage counseling. I still can not perform in bed which puts a whole new set of pressures and negative thoughts about my not being able to be a man in bed. The ED medication no longer works so It hurts so much that I can not show my wife how much I love her and be able to express it sexually. It also prevents me from having that same emotional connection we once had. I plead with you to not allow this to happen in your relationship. It is now 4:00am and I am on the couch watching TV, and reading. I can not sleep because this bothers me so much. I get maybe 2-4 hours of sleep, then work an 8 to 14 hour day. This has been going on for a couple of years now. I can’t accept my situation and will not accept it. Because of Obama are I can not afford to see other doctors to pursue other options.

  • Ashley Kinscy says:

    I’m just not seeing the purpose of giving him what he wants, which in this case it’s sex. Why does it always have to center around it. It’s not even important.

    • bemiw says:

      Ashley, the answer to this is simple. Every woman needs to clearly understand the enormous power she has over her man.
      By meeting his needs, including sexually, you have the power to make him very happy, very settled, very content, loyal, devoted and a privilege to be with.
      But by denying his needs, you have the power to make him extremely frustrated, unfulfilled, feeling betrayed and used, restless and miserable.
      But – there is one thing that you *cannot* change.
      You may have the power to create either one of these two men, *but*, whichever of the two you create – **you are the one who has to live with him!!!**
      So — which one do you want to live with??

  • katsumii says:

    Good article.

    I feel terrible. The times my BF and I have *tried* having sex have been progressively getting worse—the last two times (a week apart each) were failures because I wouldn’t open up to him. I’m sure it’s anxiety, but this has to be a big red flag to him. We connect in other ways, but as Renée says sex is important. Especially this last time I feel like a failure, because he’s the one who initiated: Not only could he NOT get me off, but my body completely closed him off. (So, no sex at all in the end.) I don’t know how to just relax. I’m hoping there will be another chance for me to redeem myself as his girlfriend, and prove my love to him and that I can open up to him. Any advice or thoughts?

    Thank you.

    • Ree says:

      You’ll find this is far more common than you think.

      It’s one of those taboo situations that requires a comprimise from both sides. Renee is 100% correct that sex is extremely important to a man. Depriving him of it is a one way ticket to a dead relationship. On the same token, there needs to be some level of understanding that women generally have lower sex drives than men.

      I believe it’s extremely important to spice things up in a relationship. Sex should never feel like a chore… it should be enjoyable for both. More often than not, it just takes a little bit more effort focusing on the ‘mood’ before sex. This one thing can make all the difference. I highly recommend checking out Michael Webb’s 500 Lovemaking Tips. It’s a really fun read, and talking openly about sex with your partner helps massively. Here’s a link to the guide: 500LoveTips.com

      Hope this helps.

  • GreenTara says:

    Renee, I agree with your approach but disagree with the statement “… the feminist movement which has given women the idea that they shouldn’t prioritize a man’s needs..” Not sure where you got this idea from. Are you saying that men’s needs are more important than women’s? I think it is 50-50. Lots of people like to blame feminism for everything under the sun. In most places in this world, only a man’s needs are considered important and women can be raped and abused without immpunity. Go live in Saudi Arabia or India if you don’t beleive me.

    • Bemiw says:

      Sorry Tara, but Renee is right about this, too. The basic tenet of feminism is the same as with every other radical ideology – it starts with installing into it’s followers *the victim mentality*. That is, to say that *all* women are victims in a totally oppressive, male dominated society and that the only option is to fight and to utterly destroy every last trace of masculinity from Western society. The damage that they have done – not only to men but to women also, is huge and may take centuries to repair, if ever.
      As for Saudi, ask yourself why feminism isn’t campaigning for women’s rights there. Answer – because they don’t care. They easily enough could, but they are too concerned with themselves here. And in India, in fact India does actually suffer much the same feminist induced problems as the west. Check this out – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c1EhBO3fclk .
      As for 50/50, it’s a nice theory, but in reality it virtually *never* works out that way. What almost always happens is that the sex life of a couple is dragged down to the level of the least interested party. In reality, that almost always means that it is the man who suffers. The flow on effect then is that the relationship will suffer and, in it, your own fulfillment and satisfaction will have no chance of reaching the heights that it otherwise would have. (Please see my comment above for Ashley Kinscy).
      We all desire for and aspire to the best, most exciting and most rewarding relationship that we can possibly create for ourselves. But success in relationship (like everything else) is not like an apple that just drops out of a tree into our laps. It is something that takes hard work, devotion, determination and sacrifice. You have to give as well as receive. That means that, in your relationship, you have willingly accepted the role of meeting another person’s needs (your man). You need to take that responsibility seriously, for both of your sake.

  • Just a person says:

    I don’t tend to view things in terms of generalized gender roles, I view things as we’re all people, with different view points and we all look different.

    That being said I’m in my early thirties, and over the past year my partner and I have decreased the amount of sex we have.

    It started as a healthy 3-4 times a week, I admittedly tried to weasel more but my partner told me flat out that they couldn’t handle that. Knowing this I accepted the physicality limitation and life went on.

    Over the course of the past year I had been injured at my job and it certainly has effected us. Sex has declined steadily to now one time over the course of 2 weeks is a miracle. I have been unable to work and as such have taken the bulk of household duties trying to get done whatever I can handle physically.

    As my partner gets home at 6:30pm I make sure dinner is done then or shortly there after. I’ve tried cooking favorite meals, massages, candle lit time in the evening, music we like. Nothing as of yet seems to work. We cuddle regularly but the last time we’ve made love was over a year ago…I can honestly care less about the sex as just sex, but my partner is gorgeous and I want to show them how they make me feel, I want to make them feel glorious.

    We’ve tried talking, and by we I mean I’ve inquired and they dance around my queries or flat out ignore them.

    We’ve been together a short amount of time about 3 years, have dated before and known each other for close to ten years. Any advice or insight would be amazing….I feel like I’m drowning.

  • Noralee Sprague says:

    Ok, how about this one. I am a 54 yr. Old female. I work as a stocker. Very tough for me to keep up with the younger more fit youngsters. However, I do it anyways. Why, because my husband refuses to look for work. I could be on my death bed and he would want sex. Look, I love my husband. Yet this man will keep me up all night knowing I have to work at 4 am. I get up at 2am. He has voiced his opinion over and over again. Why do I deny him sex. My answer isn’t ever good enough. It couldn’t be because I am certainly menepausal or Im tired from heavy lifting stair stepping stretching and on my fett moving for a hrs a day. Oh, my all time favorite. Feels i should share in the responsibility of the cooking cleaning etc. And he certainly doesnt understand when i get upset after him drilling me for hours a bout why i dont want to have sex with him, about busting my ass while he runs around. Hmm. Am i wrong?

    • qeded says:

      I appreciate that you are not in the best of positions, and that life is difficult for you. But in reality, if you reverse the roles then you would have just described the situation that very many men are in.
      You have not said why your husband won’t work, perhaps he can’t, perhaps there is no work for him, perhaps he just prefers to be a house-husband, we have not been told.
      The issue is, however that, while it is hard on you, you do – at least – have one income in the house, more than many couples have. It is still hard (we did it for many years) but it can be done.
      As for sex, I am sorry that you have come to feel this way. Please try to remember that you still made your vows when you married. To take, have , hold, love, honor and cherish, for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness or health, for as long as you both live.
      Honoring these vows means, among other things, that you still need to somehow cultivate an intimate life with your husband. Yes, he may have his faults, even lots of them, but – “for better or worse”, you still publicly promised yourself to him. To deny him now would be a rejection – not of him – but of your vows, and hence an act of unfaithfulness. And that would be a reflection on you, not him. In effect – it is all about *your* standards, not his. It is about you doing the right thing, even if he doesn’t, and doing your best to faithfully keep the promises that you made. It is about you, not him.
      I am afraid that you do need to find a way to make time for sex with him. Otherwise you may well find that you won’t have a marriage at all, which would be much harder for you than things are now.
      Be imaginative. Perhaps make time at weekends, or set the alarm half an hour earlier in the morning (!) But however you do it, it needs to be done. And who knows, it might inspire him to make some needed changes, too. Good luck.

  • Aurora Michelina says:

    This is stupid. Women don’t deny their men of sex. Women love sex.

  • Gozmuz says:

    probably marriage is artificial, it was made up and is not natural.

  • BKNL says:

    Yes, I have a question.. what about when it is the other way around???

  • Thejist says:

    They make you hand your nuts over at the door then turn on you
    when you don’t act like a man cause they have forgotten how to treat a
    man. They expect men to love them like a woman loves, not like a man
    would love and then realize they have a sensitive b/tch that has no clue
    how to get them to collapse when they try to stand when we are done
    showing our love like the man use to.

    Its a waste and will actually be the reason for the complete collapse of the western world,,,,,seem extreme? think about it……………….. here I will help……..Unfortunately, men run the planet always have and always will. it sucks, but……..When the more male dominant societies like in the middle east,eastern Europe and most of Asia come to take whats ours in business, money then
    eventually for control of our countries, ideals including absolutely no
    women rights with any resistance resulting in beheading, they will walk
    right through us. These pansy ass, no confidence, no courage or balls cause they were handed over at the door, (remember you have?) mushy b/tches “men” that have been created wont stand a chance at protecting your bodies cause we weren’t allowed to touch them,
    The People that were instinctively programmed to protect you have been rewired to let them get taken over by these backward societies who at least still had their balls but will be the complete opposite of what you threw away.

    Cause they took the rights movement waaaaay too far and to the extreme.

    Well have fun getting forced to marry Kuljeet the wife beater who
    LEGALLY can beat his wife,,,,,,,Yay fun!!!!!!!!!! we just wanted to f’ck
    you a few times a week, was it really that much trouble?
    But hey! the new society wont effect me really . im a man.
    Quick toss us our nuts before its too late!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • jamie says:

    Whenever I hear about a woman not wanting sex I automatically wonder if she’s not getting any pleasure out of it or not getting pleasure that often. After all bar a medical condition why would someone not want something that gives them pleasure?

    • Sunshine says:

      Say that one more time… for the people in the back 😉

    • Shannon says:

      Maybe some women are asexual, which some women may not find out they are until they’re older. I’m asexual and didn’t realize it until my 30s. I always desired a romantic connection with men, but never sexual. Sex to me is just seems weird and gross. I tried to do it several times with the handful of boyfriends I had in the past, and I just couldn’t do it. I’m not repressed or confused. I just don’t like it. I don’t want to deal with another person’s junk or them in mine. I don’t want to deal with birth control, pregnancy or diseases. I love a man’s company and adventure, but sex has always been a barrier I could not overcome. So, I stopped dating at 32, once I realize who I was, and started spending more time doing the things I love. I still miss the closeness of a relationship, but I can’t deal with the heartbreak of another man being disappointed because sex is not on the menu. What do you suggest us asexuals do if most men need sex?

  • Zeta says:

    Agreeable. The cheating aspect? Really??? You’re giving a gateway to men that cheating may happen if their spouse doesn’t “give it up” all of the time. That’s a bit controlling and seemingly making women feel like they should be submissive. “If you don’t have sex with me when I want it, I’ll go elsewhere”. Don’t you think a lot of women have enough insecurities in this day and age without having to worry about their man cheating? Love is love. If his heart is filled with love for you, he will not stray no matter what. A man who cheats is not a real man, but a man that’s weak. Instead, advise men to be more open about their sexual needs with their spouse and work it out.

    • Luke says:

      You put it all on men, because modern women overthink things so much that they become insecure…? That’s the new way the feminine energy gets filled? With doubt and insecurity? I don’t want any part of a woman if she’s going to bring such self-centered emotions to the table. They will consume her and the relationship.

    • Bemiw says:

      Really? I did not anywhere read that refusal is a “gateway”, by which I assume you mean an invitation, to cheating. Nor did it say you have to give “all the time”. Is looking for love and affirmation in the way that all men naturally and instinctively understand “controlling”? Is being loving, understanding, considerate and generous “submissive”? I think not.
      By “If his heart is filled with love for you, he will not stray no matter what” do you mean that you expect him to stay and generously support you in all your needs and expectations regardless of how cruel you are to him? And make no mistake – unjustified sexual refusal in a “committed” long-term relationship is very cruel indeed.
      And how do you expect “men to be more open about their sexual needs with their spouse” when their spouse refuses to respond, which undoubtedly caused the problem in the first place?
      Far to many women put their men into a “no-win” situation over this one. They say “talk to me” and then they ignore what they are told, or refuse to change.
      And sadly, the law gives them the right, despite the huge damage they cause.
      The fact is that relatively few men respond to this form of marital abuse by cheating (even though the law allows this, too). They instead prefer to loyally stay with their women, despite their cruelty.
      The issue here is, in reality, that your man can’t win. Simple as that. The cards are all stacked in the woman’s favor. And that this issue, your sexual refusal, will then adversely affect your relationship and your quality of life.
      Bottom line – nobody wins from sexual refusal. Even if your marriage survives, it will never reach the level of fulfillment that it could have.
      Sexual refusal is a habit of laziness and cruel neglect, to be avoided at all costs, right from the start.

  • StevieD says:

    I don’t know if this thread is still active and would love to know. I’d hate to put out my SOS to an empty room can someone please let me know. I’ll check back to see if anyone is out there…because I’m drowning in a loveless relationship of 9 years and I don’t know what to do…my whole world is falling apart.

    • qeded says:

      Find a good quality marriage counselor and invest in professional therapy. And do it sooner, not later. Good luck.

  • emily brown says:

    well all the men who are on here saying that their woman doesnt want to make love to them/have sex…ShAmE ON THOSE WOMEN. i am a young woman with a very high sex drive just wishing my young fiance could be like how you are.. wanting and needin sex. he is always TiRED HE SAYS. AND i understand that i do my best to please him ..i just want the same in return .
    mind u it is not AlL ABOUT SEX ive learned that through him..the love is there a whole lot of love but i still need to be pleased how a man should please his woman sigh…. its one thing to know how ur partner is before u marry them and stilll marry them.. an its another to not knw yet an marry them an then end up regrettin it so if u knw how they were before u married them then its on u..jus how it will be on me..if i choose to marry him still.

  • Stephanie McCannon says:

    Renee, first of all thank you for all this great free information. I realize these posts don’t show up without thought and effort. So again, thank you for the love and concern you have given me and all your readers.

    My concern is the lack of intimacy and passion in my marriage. My husband and I have very different sexual needs. I prefer more in counters (at least, would prefer more) but it doesn’t seem to phase him to go without. I am very attractive, many remark and have asked at parties why I am with him due to our difference in attractiveness. He doesn’t do much besides work and keep to his routines. He is basically uninvolved as a father, has no friends nor wants any, nor does he want me to have any unless they are hot. He constantly talks about a three way (which kills me) but he can’t even handle me. He used to satisfy himself with porn and leave me alone in bed. As far as I know he has stopped the porn but still stays up late, won’t go to bed when I do and won’t talk to me for days or until I give in if I bring our relationship needs up. I have been sweet, caring, giving, loving and am ready to end this after 20 years of marriage.

    When I get assertive he will cuss at me and tell me to leave. My kids say that
    ‘Dad’ is passive aggressive and petty and I should divorce him and marry a fun guy I can more myself with.

    We are in another “no talking ” state. He told me to “shut the fuck up and leave him alone” in front of my kids this last week and is now refusing to talk to me again. He eats his meals alone, deliberately takes homemade soup out of the fridge because he doesn’t like it (even though the kids and I do) and leaves it out while we are gone.

    My nature is to forgive and not punish. I don’t like to see others suffer and can from a human perspective understand he is in some sort of pain. But he won’t let me in, won’t ever apologize for these episodes and I’m ready to go.

    Any advice? I hate to give up. It’s painful. But their is apart me that rejoices in the thought. Not to his being alone I feel he could be happier with a less intuned woman.

    Ami Done

  • Najat says:

    I am so much in love with my husband that it almost hurts – in a good way. We have been together some years, in the beginning long distance, and have a child together. I want him to hold me, sleep in his arms at night and I want to have sex every night and so we do, I just want to keep it like this always forever. I think I will become crazy, if we don’t sleep close one night I can’t sleep and think why, it’s the best and the worst to love but want to stay with this feeling always.

  • Tracey Stent says:

    What a crock of Sh*t

    • Simone says:

      Illness is a legitimate reason for not wanting/not being able to engage in sexual activity. However, if, like my sister, you are still bringing an illness up seven and a bit years after you have been cured of said illness – an example, “You can’t expect me to do that, I had CANCER” – then there is something wrong with you.

      I have sex with my fiance when he wants, as long as there is no physical or mental barrier that stops me doing so. He has sex with me whenever I want, sometimes when their is a mental barrier to him doing so – i.e, when I’ve done something that he doesn’t like and he’s sulking.

      I actively reject religion, but I do believe that, in the context of a loving relationship where neither of the parties are abusive to the other, when you get married, you give your heart, soul AND body to your spouse. But, then, I have chosen not to have children for the sole reason that I love my husband more than anyone else in the entire world and would never put a child in the position of being second best to my husband.

      If a person does not want sex, that is fine. But you cannot expect the decision to withdraw from sex not to have consequences,

      “Real men” do not let their partners boss them around, dictate to them, emotionally or physically abuse them. “Real women” do not let men boss them around, dictate to them, emotionally or physically abuse them. Unless, of course, that is what either party is in to, in which case that is totally your own business, unless you post about it on a public forum and make it other people’s.

      Sorry to hear about your (or your friend’s, rather) medical issues, cancer and SDD (Sexual Desire Disorder). It’s sad to me that people can go through hardship and not have sex to look forward to at the end of it.

  • Sara says:

    Dear Renee,
    I loved your article and I am reading and following your programs, I am an fan of yours. Reading this article is specially painful for me. As I am a woman where from which his men denies sex. All I can read everywhere how men want to have sex all the time and women don’t. I never read about the opposite. My men rejects me and does not want to have sex with me. I am exactly in the shoes what you describe for the male party in this article. Who is going to finally touch up on this issue? I believe I am not alone with this problem. It would be nice to read about this as well, it appears to be a taboo in my view.
    Thanks for reading my lines.
    Keep up the great work.

  • james says:

    What’s a non-argumentative, un-douchey way to get my girlfriend to read this?
    The author really does know what shes talking about, it’s refreshing to hear a woman hit this issue right on the head, I’m a 24 year old guy going through this with my gf and for the first time in around 8 years I’m thinking of how bad cheating would really be. I would never, but f*** me, after a month I feel like a mental patient. Punch Holes in walls type of s***..
    I have sex once a month if I try super-hard and the moon is just right. I take pride in being so good to her, bring her breakfast & coffee in bed every single day, I make the money and see that she is spoiled with it. Were both undoubtedly in love and I show it every waking second, but the frustration that this kind of shit causes to men is real. Can’t remember the last time I’ve teared up, been a couple years, I’m strong for my woman, but this kind of stuff hits a man so hard that sometimes you can’t stop a tear. Anytime I bring it up she spits back with anger and what seems like disgust that I would even bring up such an issue with us. On the PLUS-side, bottling all of this up is making my stone-cold, ‘thousand-yard stare’ look straight up grizzly! There’s nothing like watching another man back down after he realizes you’re dead int he eyes.

    • Tanya Rachel Wieczorek says:

      Why don’t you leave? Find a GF whose sexual drive more closely resembles yours? You sound like a sweet guy, I’d love it if I found a guy who brought me breakfast in bed…. “every single day”!

      • james says:

        She said she’d love the same type of guy, lol. Unfortunately after a while of doing that for her, and other things, I kind of have to keep one-upping myself since she’ll gets tired of the same surprises. Eventually, It gets too difficult to compete with yourself, for nothing.
        Being the ‘sweet guy’ sure as hell is not worth it, it’s bs, but it’s something that some men just can not rid.

        • Simone says:

          Break up with her, unless she has some kind of medical impediment for withholding sex.

          When my father started divorce proceedings last year, I was SO angry at him. Thirty years of marriage and four children obviously meant nothing to him.

          But then I found out that they hadn’t had sex in three years, and that she had been making him feel guilty every time they had sex since I was born TWENTY-FIVE YEARS AGO.

          Address the issue now and avoid the possible complication of marriage and children. Or, alternatively, stop being a good boyfriend, and when she asks why, tell her that if she refuses to give you what you need (and when she tries to slap you down for this, remind her that it’s YOUR job to decide what you need, and that it’s backed up by actual biological facts about men), then you refuse to give her what she needs.

          Note: All methods will probably lead to you breaking up,as you are obviously sexually incompatible, unless you are willing to live your life without sex – i.e, the basic and elemental physical expression of love and mutual attraction. I sure as hell wouldn’t be.

          • Screw_Globalism says:

            You have my respect for seeing your fathers POV , I salute you. Women are quick to bash men as ” sex crazed disgusting perverts ” , but this is mainly due to negative ” media ” brainwashing that always paints men as subhuman detritus , plus man hating feminist propaganda. This , in turn , influences a growing number of men not to even bother interacting with women.

      • Screw_Globalism says:

        Only a tiny handful of women have sex drives approaching a man’s. Most women ( this comes from real live women ) are very happy to be totally celibate , sex is something most women are happier to do without.

    • Screw_Globalism says:

      You may as well be single , dump her !! But , finding a woman with a sizeable sex drive is very difficult , as they are few in number.

    • Shannon Dorman says:

      Check out the redpoll on Reddit…there are some super angry & unhealthy males on there, but also some really smart & reasonable ones…

  • Are Leen says:

    It is fine to think to think giving sex to a man will make him love a woman but if a man is unattractive, doesn’t shave often, is fat, has poor hygiene, ugly toes nails etc, smacks when he eats etc. how is that supposed to make a woman want to have sex with this type of spouse.?. Love is love but get real an above attractive woman is not going to get aroused by this type of man. Also, as far as blow jobs, for 17 years I have not given my husband a blow job, mind numbing fabulous hard core fucking yes, blow jobs… no. The reason is he has a large bent penis with a botched circumcision and I refuse to put my mouth on that. I will not succumb to that type of degradation.

    I have given excellent blow jobs in my youth and love a large, beautiful straight, shaft pink penis, but bent ugly penises will not go in my mouth. I have had many more sexual partners than my husband and know the difference between a good lover and a boring one. My husband did not know what or where a clitoris is. This a problem, he was 42 and now he’s 48 and still has never given me a clitoral orgasim. Good grief, most men have no idea how to get a woman off, to say you have to submit your vigina is kinda lame, not that I deny what you say as being true that submitting is what he needs to feel loved.

    There are so many woman out there that would rock there husbands sex world IF he was better looking, a better lover, better listener, etc. I personally get myself off with a plug in vibrator and dildo combination. Men in general can’t provide that type of stimulation. Women would have sex much more often IF they had a mind blowing orgasim, but sadly that normally never happens, or for the lucky few that it does, I’m sure those women don’t shy away from sex with there spouse, boyfriend etc. You don’t mention men’s failure to satisfy, Why?

    • Evito says:

      I realize its 7 months ago but i digress. You do know that you are not in a happy marriage right? If you’ve done sexual acts with others that you wont do to him will make him extremely resentful and frustrated quite often, he propably wont show it to you but he will jump on the first vagina he can with an attitude like yours and i cant really blame him. Feminism indeed has destroyed all marital and especially feminine values in your relationship. Why on earth would you bait and switch a guy whilst promising to respect and love him should be beyond the pale for anyone but propably everyone knows the real reason is yoi fucked around for the better paft of a decade then decided you wamt the family thing and especially financial security, without a seconds thought as to wether you deserve that or not. He sure didn’t deserve the shitty deal you gave him and he’s propsbly resigned to the fact that he can either get divorce raped by you or live in a dead marriage.

  • ashort50 says:

    I stumbled across this article and a few more like it. I had my wife read this and it made it perfectly clear to her how I feel. I complained to her about everything in the article before ever reading it. Feeling loved, unwanted, resentment I tried to convince myself that maybe I did want sex far too much but after reading this I realized that I’m just a normal husband. I cook, clean, do laundry everything I can think of to take pressure off of her hoping that I would get what I need from her. When I try talking about it she gets defensive and an argument start. We talked about the article and she said she had no idea it was that deep for a man. Let’s see if it changes things for us….Thank you this article is amazing.

  • Natalie says:

    It’s the opposite for me, I’m the female and would happy having sex everyday. My fiancé is happy to have sex once or twice a week. He says he doesn’t need it as much as me. I’m 36 and he’s 41. He tells me that he thinks I’m gorgeous and is attracted to me. I’m fit and would consider myself attractive…but am becoming increasingly insecure about this situation. I cant help but take this personally. HELP. Is this normal?

  • P.J.101 says:

    Love, Affection, Attention, Care etc etc is not food, nor an obligation, don’t make your man feel like he
    has to do it..you won’t have this problem if you are satisfying your
    spouses needs in all departments spiritual physical and emotional..Life
    and love is not all about female parasitism..there’s so much more to life…..

  • P.J.101 says:

    You forgot : Women has no clues of good sex. Actually, 7-8 out of 10 women thing, lying naked like a otato sack is all that it takes fr gd sex. I claiim that way more wmen than men fail sexual skills.

  • clo01 says:

    I believe that sex, love, and passion is a very important part of a relationship. However, it is not a chore for either party. Nor I agree that either party should have standards to of their partner in order for them to have sex. That’s just manipulation in my eyes, and should not be tolerated from either party.

  • DD says:

    Five reasons why SHE should not deny the man his sex! OMG. It is women causing misogyny upon their own sex! How about five reasons why the man should not deny meeting woman’s psychological needs first? It is his job to make her happy by wiping his feet at the door. Why should she rush around waiting on him when he has done nothing to please her? Law of nature. He didn’t water her carnations but he wants sex – and she, is meant to behave all positive and pretending love like some robot or something. If that man does the right thing, then naturally she will want to reciprocate. If he comes home early and touches her the right way, then of course she will want to please him. This stuff about five reasons women “should” please men sounds like sex is supposed to be a chore – a bit like cleaning the loo. Successful sex for men starts with the man’s attitude and behaviour towards the woman thank you very much. He needs to clean his teeth first. Women are not tractors or wind-up clocks! They are not filing systems or light switches! They are not dogs in a breeding programme. It is not their job to function according rules set by people who know little about the importance of nature and summer time. Women in the natural environment, function by the weather, the day and night, the seasons and moon cycles – if they are bright enough to stop and think about that. Women who live in a city might not know that of course. Concrete high rise life is does not enhance the femininity of a female much. Who is pandering to this dreadful notion that we have to please the man like robots from some revolting Hollywood movie? It is the man’s job to please the woman – always – or the woman’s body will not even begin to lubricate itself. It has to respond to something! Words, nice things? If the man says dumb things, and expects her to behave like slut from Roman times, it will put the woman off. This expectation of women these days to engage in slimy perversions to please the man is hurting all of the women out there. You would say “yuck, that is disgusting!”, to a child if it blew its nose on its sleeve and ate it, yet women are expected to do that and agree with the world that it is normal, no matter how unhygienic. It is time women got some true respect for their sexual needs that is not riddled with connotations of lesbian culture – which straight women do not dare contradict in any way for fear of summary execution. Lack of hygiene and bad smells are not sexually attractive for many women. Why do women have to degrade themselves because women say they must? Five reasons why men need to be attended to? This reminds me of Indian mother-in-laws who encourage their sons to abuse their wives. If he wants her body when she is so tired she needs to sleep, then he is worse than crap off the back of a gumboot as far as I am concerned. Trouble is, women are encouraging this low behaviour towards women. Men not meeting women’s needs through sensitive language and behaviour is the foundation women hating sex or women cheating. The modal verbs “should, must, have to, and need to” should be deleted from the vocabulary for the woman’s sexuality. Those words indicate selfishness and demand. Sex should not be a must, a job to fulfil for the woman. If should is a word in sex, it should be completely spontaneous and completely about the woman’s needs being met. The man’s needs are always met during sex, but the woman’s require a great deal more sensitivity on the part of the man. Women these days are expected to behave like robotic sluts and some movement of females out there labels that behaviour as normal when it is opposite of normal. Male animals do not tell the females that they “have to please them”. The male animals do something attractive and make pretty words to the female to make her desire the male. It is not the other way around except amongst walruses and sea elephants. Maybe men are walruses and sea elephants in American and other Western societies. Maybe that is why Western women are suffering as much as Indian women…because some former unpaid prostitutes are encouraging misogyny against their own.

  • Rebecca Cookson says:

    You always set up the woman to be blamed: Five reasons why SHE should not deny the man his sex! OMG. It is women causing misogyny upon their own sex! How about five reasons why the man should not deny meeting woman’s psychological needs first? It is his job to make her happy with perfect language and perfect behaviour and wiping his feet at the door. Why should she rush around waiting on him when he has done nothing to please her? Law of nature. He didn’t water her carnations but he wants sex – and she, is meant to behave all positive and pretending love like some robot or something. If that man does the right thing, then naturally she will want to reciprocate. If he comes home early and touches her the right way, then of course she will want to please him. This crap about five reasons women “should” please men sounds like sex is supposed to be a chore – a bit like cleaning the bath. Successful sex for men starts with the man’s attitude and behaviour towards the woman thank you very much. He needs to clean his teeth first. Women are not tractors or wind-up clocks! They are not filing systems or light switches! They are not dogs in a breeding programme. It is not their job to function according rules set by people who know little about the importance of nature and summer time. Women in the natural environment, function by the weather, the day and night, the seasons and moon cycles – if they are bright enough to stop and think about that. Women who live in NYC would not know that of course. Concrete is artificial and boring. And it is stupid city-type women who are pandering to this dreadful notion that we have to please the man like robots from some disgusting Hollywood movie. It is the man’s job to please the woman – always – or the woman’s body will not even begin to lubricate itself. It has to respond to something! If the man says dumb things, and expects her to behave like slut from Roman times, it will put the woman off. This disgusting expectation of women these days to engage in slimy perversions to please the man is hurting all of the women out there. You would say “yuck, that is disgusting!”, to a child if it blew its nose on its sleeve and ate it, yet women are expected to do that and agree with the world that it is normal, no matter how unhygienic. It is time women got some true respect for their sexual needs that is not riddled with connotations of lesbian culture – equally disgusting btw. Lack of hygiene and bad smells are not sexually attractive for many women. Why do women have to degrade themselves because women say they must? This reminds me of Indian mother-in-laws who encourage their sons to abuse their wives. If he wants her body when she is so tired she needs to sleep, then he is worse than crap off the back of a gumboot as far as I am concerned. Trouble is, women are encouraging this low behaviour towards women. Men not meeting women’s needs through sensitive language and behaviour is the foundation women hating sex or women cheating. The modal verbs “should, must, have to, and need to” should be deleted from the vocabulary for the woman’s sexuality. Those words indicate selfishness and demand. Sex should not be a must, a job to fulfil for the woman. If should is a word in sex, it should be completely spontaneous and completely about the woman’s needs being met. The man’s needs are always met during sex, but the woman’s require a great deal more sensitivity on the part of the man. Women these days now expect decent woman to behave like robotic sluts and they label that behaviour as normal when it is opposite of normal. Male animals do not tell the females that they “have to please them”. The male animals do something attractive and make pretty words to the female to make her desire the male. It is not the other way around except amongst walruses and sea elephants. Maybe men are walruses and sea elephants in American and other Western societies. Maybe that is why Western women are suffering as much as Muslim women…because some former unpaid prostitutes on here are encouraging misogyny against their own.

  • disqus_3ILqjh3FLx says:

    It’s unethical and reckless to assume to give people who are suffering and experiencing relationship, emotional, and sexual issues advice when; Renee: you are by no means qualified. Law school make make you persuasive, but it doesn’t change the fact your an idiot. Please do us a favor and go back to school. I recommend beginning with some psychology and sexuality courses.

  • Bikerchic says:

    Ok so everything Im reading is all about the woman depriving him of sex. What if the tables were completely turned and it is the man that didnt want it. Then whats the problem, when a wife does everything she can from flirty texts thru the day to sexy nighties, at night and none of that turns him on, and when asked whats going on. He states that he doesnt see that a marriage or relationship should be always about sex. Well its needs to be some of it. Women have sexual needs to just like men do.

    • BrownGuy says:

      Women are self-deprived too, but in far fewer cases. About 25% of all sex deprived partners happen to be women.

  • Jessica says:

    The truth is some men are boring lovers. If a man and women have excellent chemistry and the guy knows how to please her extremely well over and over. Sex will never be a problem.

    • Screw_Globalism says:

      Agreed !! If a man does not have a clue , then he needs to learn this skill. Getting a truly sexual woman off is a great pleasure in itself , sadly not every woman is sexual to start with , the genders are very differently wired !!

      • DAVID DAVID says:

        It depends where the woman is from, all FSU women are soulless, cold robots, not their fault, that’s how they were brought up, to survive at all costs, never admit you’re wrong, love yourself first and deny everything…. Sex for them is to have a family, HER family that’s it, you as a husband are baggage and are directly proportional to the number of kids you have, but usually you dont exist in HER world.

    • Zach says:

      I don’t think that’s true. My GF had great amazing freaky sex. But when we stopped getting along, no matter how great the sex used to be…she lost her sex drive.

      • Jessica says:

        “My GF had great amazing freaky sex.”

        I am sure she didn’t lose her sex drive, she just lost her sex drive for the relationship. She probably gets plenty alone time ;))

      • Jessica says:

        My GF had great amazing freaky sex.”

        I am sure she didn’t lose her sex drive, she just lost her sex drive for the relationship. She probably still has great amazing sex during her time alone ;))

    • Evito says:

      I call bullshit on this one, it’s entirely possible to be able to give extremely good sex and still get rejected. Usually for purposes of control to get what they want, problem is this turns into a negative downward spiral extremely easily by eating the partners confidence which in turn makes him less attractive. More often than not the one that isn’t giving love and sex caused the situation herself in the first place.

      And women do friggen learn basic logic in that a generalization does not constitute an absolute statement. I’ve seen this happen the other way around too, just much less prevalent.

    • BrownGuy says:

      The problem is that women tend to loose interest in sex after awhile. See Esther Perel’s Breeding In Captivity. They would have great sex… but with another guy! This is what makes a whole lot of men cheat. All my friends talk about after dinner is how little sex they get in their marriages. Most women fail to understand that for men, sex is a NEED.

  • Jonathon says:

    To anonymous : I am a man that suffers from low testosterone and still had a need for sex in my marriage. Also my wife is riding out a hysterectomy. These are not normal circumstances so things have not been normal. I have been patient and loving for the most part. However resignate some understanding from my point of view. I now receive testosterone injections, and as a result my sex drive now at 39yrs old is very normal to say the least. I love my wife whole heartedly but due to four different surgeries from this issue I am at the end of my rope and feel deprived by no fault of my wife. I will repeat, my feelings of deprivation is not her fault. Yet still I am struggling with all of the connection problems men have because she is my only source of love. She still from time to time in whatever way we can come up with (putting it mildly ) takes care of my need to release. Yet through this experience I have learned how to better fulfill her need to be filled up. I, everyday pray to God that he restores my wife’s plumbing so that I can give her the sexually intimacy she has forgotten, due to 18 months of on and off and on again pain. This has been God’s test and classroom to both of us. SIMPLY PUT MEN AND WOMEN, if everything is equal in health and treatment of each other, take my advice, make love and get down and dirty with each other every single night if you can. Life is too short, and the only thing keeping each of you having nightly, heavenly experiences is stupidity on both of you. I wish everyone well, God Bless.

  • Hard Little Machine says:

    The main factor in sexless relationships is that it’s the goal of one partner. Every stale joke about wedding cake being the world’s best birth control or that “I do” means “Not you, never again” are at least 40% true.

  • Nia says:

    OMG!! I have read your articles before and something brought me back to this website today. I am literally over here about to break out in tears. My boyfriend and I broke up yesterday. I really feel that he is my soul mate. Our connection is out of this world. I messed up. I didn’t make him feel like a man. I deprived him of sex because I convinced myself that him explaining that he needed me to show him love in a certain way was a major sign of weakness. He has always been so open with me and such a great communicator and I guess he just got tired. Tired of begging for love.

    I never really took the time to explore all of what it took to make a relationship work and don’t really know any couples that provide great examples. He has actually taken the time to study this stuff because he has been heartbroken before. I was so busy being stubborn and being a know it all that I messed up. I believe that we are meant to be but he said I should take time to discover more of me and he is going to take time to do the same so we can come back to each other even better than before.

    I know that he believes we are meant to be together as well but I’m still afraid of losing him and it’s like I programmed my body to reject him because I told myself he was “needy”. I am ashamed and so hurt. Everything I have read about men on your site…..he has tried to tell me. And I didn’t want to listen. Smh. Thank you so much for this! I’m going to work more on improving myself so that I can go get my baby back!! I’m so hurt.

    • Screw_Globalism says:

      I’m afraid you have lost him , men are logical creatures , so you were completely written off at the point of breakup. We men have to develop hard hearts as we are always in a position of disadvantage in the dating / relationship world.

      • Nia says:

        we actually got back together and are doing amazing. He is my best friend and we have amazing communication. And he is my soul mate. We are going stronger than ever!

  • Gopal Lal Soni says:

    tune,maintain harmony and play

  • tgplus4 says:

    This works much better when you are in a marriage verses dating. Biblically speaking sex before marriage is unhealthy and flat out doesn’t work! I learned that from experience (after experience). After 15 years of marriage and a bout of infidelity, I appreciate the information and actually began doing this before I even read this article the results have been amazing. My husband is a completely different man. He is responsive to my needs, much more sensitive, compassionate and loving towards me. I see where the author is coming from, a man’s needs are much different and I don’t feel like I’m the only one giving because he is completely responding to what I need. Good luck!

  • rich says:

    I dont understand then… I see her as a beautiful queen and treat her as such. im more emotional and cuddles, hugs, kisses, lay down with each other for no reason other than to have her close to me kind of guy, and yet im the one hurting in the end with little to no love given back. Im losing my passion. I don’t know what to do anymore?

  • Geri says:

    I’m so happy I read this article, makes me feel so much better, I had a huge fight with my fiance and he was so cross with me, he was so loving, supportive and the most amazing man ever, then i had a mood swing and lashed out at him, we have sorted it out, but he is not the loving man as he always is, understandable as I hurt him, but his keeps messaging me about sex and what you wearing, how do you want it, i felt cheap, but now I understand and I know we will be back on track very soon. Xxx

  • Tabitha says:

    I am a woman who has been married for almost 10 years. My husband was 43 and I was 30 when we married. I have always had a “high” sex drive. Sexual intimacy is very important to me. I thought it was important to him too. But it’s always been a struggle to get him to even come on to me ever since we’ve been married. For so long I thought it was me; I thought that it was because I wasn’t good enough, or pretty enough, or sexy enough. But he would tell me all the time that he thinks I’m very sexy. He says he fell in love with my full lips, my long, dark hair, my 34DD breasts and 26 inch waist. Then why is it that he has never been interested in a normal, consistent sexual relationship? We haven’t had sex since 2012, and even then it was only because I came onto him like a wild woman, blowjob and all. This was back in November 2012. Before that we had sex one time in September 2009. Every time it has been ME who initiates, Me who comes on to him, practically begging for physical intimacy. It seems as if he can live without it. I’ve just given up initiating and begging because it’s so humiliating and it hurts so bad to be rejected. He slept on the couch for three years just to avoid possibly having to make love at night. He’s back to sleeping in our bed again, but if I even reach out to touch him, he turns his back toward me. He has used the headache excuse multiple times. I feel like shit. He makes me feel like the most unatractive, undesirable woman in the world. I am dying inside a little more every day and night. The only reason I am still with him is because we have two children and I don’t want to hurt them. But I NEED sex with my man and that’s something that has only happened twice in SIX LONG YEARS. Believe me, I tried to get something going many times during that time period but there was always an excuse. What could make a man act this way toward his wife? Am I really that repulsive? What is wrong with me? What is wrong with him? I need help. It’s gotten so bad that I gave up even trying to seduce him or get his attention. Now I just masturbate and look at porn and read erotic stories. It’s a rotten life to live when you’re tied down to an uncaring man in a sexless marriage with no way out and no hope in sight. I just miss having sex with a man who is into me and really wants to be with me. I’m lonely and miserable. I thought the man was supposed to want and need sex with his wife? Can someone tell me what is going on with my man?

    • Nelson says:

      I sympathise. Although my situation is different, I also haven’t had sex for a long time.

      I can only guess what the issue is here. Maybe your husband has lost his libido and no longer has desire for any woman. Maybe he thinks of you as a mother to his children and for some bizarre reason has difficulty thinking of you sexually.

      I can only glean so much from your post, well-written though it is. I wish you luck in finding some kind of solution.

  • summer says:

    So what to do if I don’t want have a sex with my husband today? I should just put Vaseline in my vagina and be laying at the bed looking at my celling ? Hell, no! It’s my body . No one gonna get in to it when i don’t want it.

    • qeded says:

      So what to do if your husband doesn’t want to go to work today? Doesn’t want to earn the income that you need for food, or to pay the rent on your home? Doesn’t want to help you with the chores, or the shopping? Doesn’t want to be loving towards you? Doesn’t want to listen when you want to talk for hours? Doesn’t want to support you when you need him to? Doesn’t want to take you out on dates? Doesn’t want to mow the lawn, or take out the garbage? Doesn’t want to do the things that you expect him to do?
      Marriage is a two way relationship. You get – and you give. Get used to it.
      Stop being so selfish, and make the effort for him.

  • Edna says:

    So, what do you do when there is domestic violence in the relationship? My husband wants me to come home to meet his “love needs”, but I am “in hiding” because I don’t feel safe.

    • Viki Samoja says:

      That can be a very complicated situation, domestic violence is a complex problem, one that develops over time. What you need to understand is that relationship consists of giving and recieving, if he is speaking about “his love needs” he seems self centered, i am trying not to jump to conclusions here but it seems your relationship is not based on love at all, you will both need to pull together if you want to make it work. I agree 6 months is too long, but then again even if he makes it that long it still means nothing, it’s an arbitrary number you just decided on to shield yourself from unplesant experience. Holding a job has nothing to do with sexual life, have you told your husband you don’t feel safe? It is his chief duty as a husband to make you feel safe, more then failing to keep a job if he can’t make you feel safe he has failed as a man, and if he has any masculinity left in him he will recognize that, if he does not then you marred a low value male, and i suggest you get away from him. For starters he needs to change his narrative, it’s not his “sexual needs”, if he wants to fulfil his needs i suggest he gets internet connection and a bottle of lube. Sex in a relationship should be about giving to the other person, else it’s empty and meaningless. I would like to get his side on this, it is rarely only one side that is to blame for this kind of breakdown, and it takes two to fix what two have broken.

      • BobTrent says:

        Even if it’s 100% her fault for antagonizing him, he is not being manly by striking, choking or otherwise doing her harm.

        • Viki Samoja says:

          You don’t know the full story here, from what i gathered she is in the right but there have been numerous cases where woman strikes first (and if you think woman can’t harm a man keep in mind that women usually use a weapon like a frying pan) in fact reaserch shows that about 60% of domestic violence is mutual, so i think we should refrain from making a judgement based on a little tibit of information from only one side, people should resolve this sort of problems themselves, outsiders can make things better but they are just as likely to make things worse.

    • BobTrent says:

      What is “domestic violence” in your case? “Violence” is used to mean anything from displaying disrespect to murder.
      Actual violence cannot be tolerated. The difference between a mild slap in anger and a blow or beating is the degree. Once the threshhold of physical violence is crossed, where is the limit?

    • qeded says:

      There is no excuse for domestic violence, from either partner (yes – it can happen either way). If you are the victim of domestic violence, get professional help immediately. See a qualified counselor, lawyer, police or someone else who can help you – and do it now, before it is too late. Good luck.

  • Mel says:

    it’s a 50/50. we want to feel good too, and we want to know that we are more than sex partners. instead of seeing deprivation of sex, how about finding out WHY your partners are not in the mood to please? the main reasons are because of men, not women. a woman knows when she wants to sleep with a man and she knows when she doesn’t. when she doesn’t, it’s usually because she sees something in that man that turns her off. we are not robots that turn on whenever. a woman must be stimulated mentally, emotionally, as well as physically. we are not called ‘sensual’ for nothing. a man who knows how to keep his woman feeling like she should will always be wanted and will never be turned down.

    • Chrissy says:

      Agreed! I get very little affection from my partner excepte when he wants sex. He puts m down and when we do have sex it is mostly about him. He says giving blow jobs, sex is how he feels loved. It is hard for me to give him what he wants when he doesnt show me the emotional love I need.

      • Viki Samoja says:

        It’s not about recieving love, it’s about giving love, your partnair should be going into this with that mind set, how can i statisfy my partnair, not vice versa, he seems selfish, that’s sad, many men this days can’t be men. Have you talked to him about it?

    • DAVID DAVID says:

      Why does the woman have to be the on off switch, Mr. 50/50.

      • Mel says:

        dude, im a woman. and i never said we have to be the on and off switch. have several seats.

        • DAVID DAVID says:

          Dude?… Women ARE the on/off switch, they are the ones that control and run everything in the relationship, we as the so called “dudes” have no say at all about it and are manipulated to think that we are in control, like we think that we are picking you up when in fact you ALLOW us to and reject all except those with vanity, money, and especially BOTH.. Women here North America are extensively backed up by our lopsided gold digger, marital laws that spawn most women to be who you are, which are conniving, controlling, selfish scammers, look at your own avatar your so A typical in your looks and posture to be everything that I’ve said… If the guy does not fit your liking then it’s separation, divorce and division of the GUY’S assets, meaning the god digging woman gets EVERYTHING and moves up in wealth and stature, meaning achievement, the guy loses everything he had worked for, but he does get to pick which bridge to live under and of course, broke, which no woman would be interested in.. We “dudes” get one chance to get it right before going broke to a woman, but women on the other hand keep getting it right (scamming) up until they are old and unwanted… In every other country it is a different story.. If everything was so great then there would not be a need for pre nupts and prostitutes to take up the needs of a man… It is a simple thing to understand that you are not going to control the biological needs of a male, that you are not the only game in town and that dont have the exclusive rights to any “dude’s” thoughts and needs, or his wealth… We don’t go, nor do we EVER want to get into your heads, why do you have this pathetic need to get into ours?…

          It’s called a woman’s INSECURITY!

          • Jamala says:

            Dude are you ok? You sound angry.

          • GreenTara says:

            Actually, the majority of women are POORER after a divorce. So, let’s ask why a woman, knowing she will be worse off after a divorce, would ever go through such a thing? Maybe she was mistreated or unloved by the man? Maybe it had to be his way or the highway? Why was it insufferable for her?

            You’ll never be happy in a relationship unless you work on YOUR personal issues like this so you can view the situation from a neutral perspective.

            • DAVID DAVID says:

              You live in your own delusional fantasy world, are you married? Have you ever deprived your man of sex and used that to get your ways, if not then stand asside and keep your useless comments off this forum and stuck up your ass.. We men need that sexual release to keep us normal, its what we are and what we are for, you women don’t need sex as you have many more satisfying ventures that you persue like stupid chick flicks, gossip (your favorite pastime), girl night outs, (to again gossip) novels, tea, pedicures, fasion mags, etc. none of which we men are or ever will be interested in, so what do we have? nothing, except booze and sex, take sex away and you create a monster…

              Look at yourself first before you condem us men, there is a reason why we go looking for our needs elsewhere, being sexual or emotional or both in extreme cases as we get tired very fast of all your bullshit head games.

              • Lmd Mancini says:

                David, lol, wow, calm down please. Not all of us women are gold diggers and I for one, detest ‘chick’ flicks, give me DC/Marvel any day of the year, and other ‘guy’ flicks, not so much into war movies though, but, please know, we’re not all wired the same. I hate gossip and ‘pedicures’, I don’t even get my hair done, I do it myself, fashion mags are not my thing either. Let’s put it this way, I’m not your ‘average’ woman.

                I’m writing a book atm about married couples. Women and men should NEVER hold back sex from each other in marriage, it’s biblical as well. Believe it or not, there are men who have very low sex drives and they have no interest with sex in the least… I’ve talked with enough women to know.

                I try to get in their heads and find the problem at hand, unless of course someone is seriously ill and no, I don’t mean a ‘headache’, making love should be at the top of married couples PRIORITY LIST and if I offend any women out there, calm the H down. Once the book is finished, you may want to read it, you’d be surprised how loving, honouring and respecting your husband with all your heart, soul, body and mind, YOUR man will adore and cherish you with every inch of his being. Marital bliss is what you’ll achieve and what you should be striving for.

                • DAVID DAVID says:

                  So you chimed in here to LOL me, tell me to calm down and to promote your up in coming book that you gossiped with your girlfriends over a cinamon bun to get what? your one sided data for your novel?..

                  A lot of people write books that know nothing about the subject they are writing about, and only think they know the answers but have the funds or a position on the publishers couch to make it hapen… Look at all the warp minded problem kids that their dumb, no life mothers created by reading those so called children’s books while they were pregnant, then applied that useless experimental knowledge to their vulnerable kids and turned them into psycho’s that now our society has to deal with…

                  Because of my wife and her bullshit manipulation and controling nature I hate all women as they are ALL the same, I’m not gay far from that, but when you get maried with someone that all of a sudden changes literally over night into an evil devil after the ink dries on the marrage certificate, you will reacrt in the same way, everyone will, and Its ALWAYS the woman that does that as a man dosent need to get married but a woman does, as she only has a short window of opportunity to do so, this is why they ACT normally before the wedding and not after, which is so strange… Why do you think that when you bring up the prenup that its such a big thing with women and not for the man, because here in our feminist loving society men loose EVERYTHING when it goes to shit, and ALL women have an alternate plan that a prenup would prevent from happening, so they then question the prenup issue with love and trust nether of which they have.

                  I can write a book too, but no one would read or buy it as it would be anti woman and no woman in her pin head brain does anything wrong, right? its always someone, something else and NEVER them. So my book would be fiction to a woman, and to a guy, we dont care to read a book on something we already know and suffer daily with…


                  Good luck with your onesided feminist book… Not.
                  I’m sure that the pages from you paperback book will come in handy to wipe our buts with.

                • Lmd Mancini says:

                  Well David, I am in fact married, I’m not a feminist, detest them, have discussed the book with my male friends, women are not to into the book, as I mentioned, since they feel I’m attacking them and I do so with good reason.

                  Why I’m even responding is beyond me, you’re apparently someone who can’t listen to reason and you put everyone down. I didn’t LOL you, ‘per se’, you can’t ‘hate’ all women, jeez, as I said before, we’re not all the same, but why bother saying this to you, I’d be better off talking to a brick freakin wall.

                  You’re EX was a BI*CH, plain and simple thankfully not every woman is like her.

                • Lmd Mancini says:

                  Well David, I am in fact married, I’m not a feminist, detest them,
                  have discussed the book with my male friends, women are not to into the book, as I mentioned, since they feel I’m attacking them and I do so with good reason.

                  Why I’m even responding is beyond me, you’re apparently someone who can’t listen to reason and you put everyone down.

                  I didn’t ‘LOL’ you, ‘per se’, you can’t ‘hate’ all women, jeez, as I said
                  before, we’re not all the same, but why bother saying this to you, I’d
                  be better off talking to a brick freakin wall.

                  Oh yes, something else, I happen to love it when people point out if I do or say something wrong, otherwise how in the hell will I learn/grow, so again, stop lumping us all into the same BS mold.

                  You’re EX was a BI*CH, plain and simple thankfully not every woman is like her.

                • DAVID DAVID says:

                  So why did you reply TWICE! to this post since my last letter and then deleted one post immediately and reposted today?.. Huh, whats up with that, miss “I’d be better off talking to a brick freakin wall”. Which you should as you stated “women are not to into the book, as I mentioned, since they feel I’m attacking them” and I stated as a guy, we dont care to read a book on something we already know and suffer daily with. So who is going to read your novel?.. I know who, the pet hamster when you put it in his cage as bedding for him and he uses it in his pee corner.

                  Well as a so called writer of children’s books you should chose your words wisely, LOL is LOL, its not “per se” as you call it and if you come across as a insulting to me woman then , yes I will attack you too as I’ve done with others here but not with all, who decided that they are going to flick their hair and spew out crap that they know nothing about, so now its your turn, be nice and stop flaunting this I’m better than the rest BS, and drawing attention to you and your book in order to pawn it.

                  If you had been following my posts you would of known that she is not an “EX” and is still with me torturing me daily even as we speak here as I havent yet found a sutible bridge to live under when the devorce fan starts a spinning and I loose everything that I worked for and she didnt and never will after the devorce, I on the other hand will be ruined as every man is after a devorce.

                  You are the same as every woman, just look at your posts, I dont come here to laugh at people, or fight with unless they deserve it and they seem to enjoy that, but when I respond to the attacks they quickly find out that they have no army and are quickl shot down, like one ugly trasvestite, gorilla prince actually took down all his posts when he tangled with me, he is on other sites with many diferent user names but I’m not the type to go shit on his parade as he tried to do with me here.

                  I’m a bigger man than you as you say are not an “average” woman… Key word here is, a woman. Your all the same, you just didnt fully come out yet, maybe by the time your paperback book hits the bottom of the bird cage you will.

                • douchebag killer says:

                  DAVID DAVID…. well it’s obvious to me ur not getting any…. WTF is ur prob… buddy, you’re being a complete douche, verbally attacking a woman in this way without listening to what she is saying. Women will not respond to ur BS. Ur honna die alone and horny.

                • DAVID DAVID says:

                  Well, you must be the husband of Lmd Mancini, another trasvestite or another stupid cunt or all of the above..
                  Women HAVE been responding to my posts, you would of noticed that if you had pulled that 14″ dildo out of your ass and did some reading in between your battery swap outs.

                  Who said that I’m alone and horny, I guess you’re the expert in that.. You should write a book about it like Lmd above is.

                • Lmd Mancini says:

                  Ahhhhhh, the joys of hearing more shite spewing forth from your mouth, always ASSuming, never getting FACTS first.

                • DAVID DAVID says:

                  It’s amazing how all of a sudden everyone is running to your help, nobody reply’s for monts then you show up, get your ass kicked and then team up and to have someone called a douchebag killer chiming in realy ads to your stupid cause.. Who was that, anymore of your stupid cunts going to join in?… Please fill us in, was it one of your cinnamon bun frends that you use to write your novel with.

                  Yeah, speaking about that I thought youe were writing a book, shouldnt you get busy doing that.

                • douchebag killer says:

                  David, David, David…. Ur reinforcing my point… being a complete douche, verbally, hatefully attacking a woman in this way.  If u knew this girl like I do.. you would know that she’s an angel… one of the most beautiful women in the world with a heart of gold.
                  She’s in the UK with her British hubby.  I’m in the US. 
                  As far as dildos… I know nothing of those or changing batteries… those are your expertise.

                • DAVID DAVID says:

                  Ha, ha, ha… I knew it.. so the ASS in assuming is you Lmd Mancini.. Getting your frends into your battles shows how low you really are..
                  Now you got your feminist frends ass kiked too, what a bunch of loosers!

                  Well at least we know that Lmd Mancini is a limey shit distributor of useless knowlege, tell your stupid crumpet frend if she cant stand it then dont dish it… Bangers and mash anyone?

                • douchebag killer says:

                  Sad how full of hate you are. I’m a guy… she is my friend who does not deserve to be slandered by you. If you’re just going to call names and make false statements conversation with you is pointless. I feel very sorry for you.

                • DAVID DAVID says:

                  So you say your a guy or did you say your gay, Oh, I see your a gay guy..

                  If your limey friend is such an angel why does she hang aroud a looser like you that gives himself a stupid lowlife username like douchebag killer?

                  BTW cherrytop, what happend to Lmd Mancini, did she go off and boo hoo in her special place and insted offered you in her place, aww thats so typical, but you know what, she is reading this and burning inside being incapable in fighting her own battles.

                  You say your from the US, so that makes you an ignorant, inbred redneck, not someone I’d want to be fighting on my side, but then again one more idiot in her arsanal doesn’t hurt me, but does you and especially her.

                  Cum back Lmd Mancini, I miss your BS wisdom, unlike this douchebag killer moron trying to fight your battles for you and loosing for both of you.

                  Teamwork, Lmd Mancini, anymore of these loosers going to show up to support your lost cause?.. Choose them wisely as this dumbass has no balls for being a guy, but being gay guy explains it all.

                • douchebag killer says:

                  You just continue to prove my point.. full of hate.
                  Btw I’m not gay but I’m seriously beginnig to think that possibly you are either gay or a woman. Such hate David David…

                • DAVID DAVID says:

                  You wrote this… “conversation with you is pointless” so why are you?

                • Lmd Mancini says:

                  You’re an ass, I didn’t delete anything, Disqus asked if it was spam, I told them it was not ‘spam’, they said they would post my reply once they checked it out, I didn’t see it posted so I posted ‘again’. It’s simple really, like how your simple mind works with it’s one sided crap on ‘all’ women being the ‘devils incarnate’.

                  You correct me, that’s hilarious coming from the guy who can’t even SPELL FFS.

                  As far as me having to ‘promote’ anything, I do just fine, thank you very much. In regard to ‘following’ your posts, I read a couple only as it didn’t take much to see the hate filled bollocks you spew.

    • Ryios says:

      Yeah but sometimes a man and a woman get out of sync. The woman is put off and turns down sex, but the man is out of sych because he needs the sex.

      Then the woman is just reinforcing the thing causing her man to turn her off.

      It’s not 50/50, it’s 20/80 one day and 60/40 the next day and 48/52 the next day. It’s a seasaw of compromise. Sometimes the man needs to compromise for the woman and sometimes the woman needs to compromise for the man, to maintain balance.

  • Candice 84 says:

    What about when its the other way around? Like when your husband avoids sex with you and you know your good in bed, what about the needs of women? I’ve alwaysbeen there and had sex when he has wanted it but its not the case with me, especially since being pregnant with our second child! I’ve never put sex on the back burner, never, but it seems like he is putting me on the back burner. I mean I even give him blow jobs regularly but he just has stooped on everythkng with me, Im not overweight, Im slim, I consider myself still attractive, I’ve tried communicating to him about him but I’m now at my suspicions! So over it, us women have needs to be met too, it’s not just all about the men.

    • Viki Samoja says:

      Have you tried talking about it, conversation is very important, men are not mind readers, and he may be buying into the narrative that women don’t need sex.

      • Candice 84 says:

        Vicki, like I stated above, I have tried to communicate to him about it. I’ve talked face to face asking him what the problem is, I’ve text messaged him. He’s not the best on communicating unfortunately. Not a strong point on his behalf. Which makes life quite difficult. So I told him the other day that I am now resenting him for rejecting me so much. Boy has it turned around since. Sometimes I guess we need to go as far as making threats or really throwing out the hard words to get a point across. He still hasn’t answered any questions I’ve had for him, but physically he has suddenly changed since I said that to him. So who knows really. Also what was annoying me so much was the fact that the 2nd year we started dating, he made a passing comment that if a woman doesn’t give much sex then a man has a right to cheat on her or leave her, or get it elsewhere, so I guess that was going to be my next thing to say to him to remind him to get a point across.

        • Viki Samoja says:

          Woman give sex? Toxic attitude, sex is a mutual thing, both partnairs have to give freely, else it does not work, maybe you could get one of his guy friends to talk to him “mano a mano” on your behalf, as it is obvious you do not get to him.

          • Candice 84 says:

            That’s right, it is a toxic attitude. So if it works one way, it’s gotta work another. He doesn’t have many close mates, and he’s a very closed book so that would never happen.

            • Viki Samoja says:

              Now i don’t want to interfear in your personal affairs (more then i already have) but you seem to be in a relationship with a leach, being down on your luck is one thing, not making an effort is something completely diferent, Renee says in this situations give hin 3 months to change his ways, and if not, then leave him, i don’t advocate you leave him because i told you so (as, after all i am just a stranger from the internet and only have incomplete picture of the situation) it’s your decision, if i knew you IRL i would talk to him myself but i don’t so there is little i can do to help. One thing’s for sure though, marriage is a team effort, if only one person pulls that person will run out of steam sooner or later, and to be honest i am sure there are other guys around who would be more appreciative of a woman who actually makes an effort. Cheers.

              • Candice 84 says:

                It is my 2nd marriage, 1st husband was ridiculously selfish, I didn’t even know what an orgasm was with him. my current husband has been much better but its been different throughout this pregnancy, Even our first pregnancy I was more happier and we were more intimate ah the joys

                • Viki Samoja says:

                  Where the hell do you live when you keep landing such people? And why does it seem like good ones (of both sexes) always end up with jerks, i heard plenty of horror stories from men too, wifes who constantly berate them for every little thing, who are never happy whatever he does, who intentionally walk all over them and brag about it, who spend all the money and file for divorce as soon as it gets dry. Why couldn’t you find one of this guys and save yourself (and him) all the grief?

                • Candice 84 says:

                  I live on the sunny coast in Qld In Australia. Yep I’ve landed some doosies in my lifetime, love my hubby though, but we are facing some financial issues at the moment as I lost my job when I was 3 months preggers. So it has put a major strain on our marriage. But yeah there’s not a lot of decent men out there. My family has always told me my self esteem has been so low, well I could blame my terrible childhood for that one! Life has been one big struggle for me. Oh well life goes on 🙂

  • lodhi.ee.uet says:

    To all those who think sex is a privilege, and not the right of a man — here’s my response.

    1) I can only speak from a man’s perspective but let me tell you this: Sex IS a VERY important part of marriage. If I don’t get sex in my marriage, I would simply get a divorce. I don’t want to be the person who cheats on his wife because he didn’t get his sexual needs met at home, but I also don’t want to have a miserable sexless marriage. After all, what’s the darn point having to masturbate in the restroom as a married man when I could have done that as an unmarried loner anyway.

    2) If I’m taking care of all my spouse’s needs whether it be helping with kids, or house chores, or paying the bills on time, or anything else, I think I’m absolutely entitled to sex. I did not marry you just because I needed someone to talk to. Sex was a part of the deal. We can argue about the number of times we should have intercourse in a week, or who takes charge and how often, or what sort of positions we should try out to make things spicy, but having an indifferent attitude towards sex is a strong reason for divorce — at least for me.

    3) If sex isn’t important to the woman, this should be made clear before marriage. If the other partner knows what he’s getting into, then I do not have any qualms. But if somewhere down the road after marriage, the woman chooses to deprioritize sex, unless I’m being a negligent husband, I have all the right in the world to get a divorce and I’ll fight till the last drop of my blood to keep the darn house, the kids, and the dog.

    4) If you don’t believe sex is important in marriage, please DO NOT get married. Save the poor soul’s life; your ideas about spousal relationships are too radical for simpletons like me.

    • Renee Wade says:

      You’re ‘entitled’ to what you think you’re entitled to – but unfortunately, you’ll have a very stressed out, closed and resentful wife for showing up the way you show up. And that’s a whole other problem you may not want – after all, isn’t it humiliating to be seen with a wife who is downright miserable because of a husband whose entitlement to sex makes you feel pressured and therefore give him sex out of obligation?

      Do you KNOW what it’s like to have a woman WANT to have sex with you out of total worship and desire? maybe you don’t care about or want that.

    • Diary Of An Echo says:

      You are not ‘speaking from a man’s perspective’. You are speaking from YOUR perspective.

      Whilst I agree with FULL dialogue & disclosure before embarking on the massive issue of marriage (which IS massive, as it should be), I find your concept of sex-or-divorce to be blinkered, bigoted, bullyish and back in the dark ages. However, it clearly works for you and your wife, who in turn from what you say would have been fully informed, aware and in agreement of your imposed conditions before she signed on the dotted line.

      And that’s my point. Horses for courses. We’re all different.

      When two people genuinely love each other (and that implies mutual understanding of the word ‘love’, ha) they are, through that union, capable of and DO find their own way together through the morass regardless of shoulds and should nots. It was a vicar that taught me that donkeys years ago!
      Those people exist and are NOT trawling internet sites such as this. They are getting on with their lives, and with whatever degree of physical and/or sexual contact works for them, and are quite happy.

      Sadly once again I feel we are dealing with an article that has been poorly conceived and constructed (whilst sustaining the writer in the perpetual employ of so-called relationship counselling), failing to take into account the myriad of personalities that rock our planet, and this has resulted in some really quite confused and angry responses, understandably.

      • lodhi.ee.uet says:

        > Those people exist and are NOT trawling internet sites such as

        > this.

        Just like you’ve accused me of having a bigoted and bullyish view, I find this claim absurd. Again, this is YOUR utterly UNSUBSTANTIATED and MIND-BOGGLING claim. At least my claims will be corroborated by any survey taken among randomly picked males from all across the world. Google up some surveys and you’ll find out how true it is what I said. If you ever find one couple, who weren’t bound by any other constraints be it financial or any other, for whom sex did not play a major part when they were at the peak of their strengths, then rest assured there are 999 couples for whom it’s the opposite. To reiterate, let me make an unsubstantiated but fairly logical claim that for most couples, sex DOES play an integral role in keeping their marriage a healthy one. Exceptions are there but they are just exceptions, nothing more.

        > Those people exist and are NOT trawling internet sites such as this.

        Many (not all) people who are GETTING ALONG with their lives HAPPILY are doing so because of constraints, constraints such as social stigma attached with divorce (this is a huge problem in the Middle East and the sub-continent) because there is a role dedicated for each spouse which creates perpetual dependence of one on the other (i.e., husband being the primary bread winner while the wife being ….. well a housewife). What happens if one leaves the other ? It’s the fear of unknown that holds a lot of unhappy marriages together. I am not going to judge those societies and say they are completely wrong. Each society has its own customs and traditions, and each evolves at its own pace, but to not acknowledge or recognize this fact is blatantly dishonest if done deliberately or ignorant if done unknowingly. Also, it is an extremely foolish claim which you seem to be making that sex at no point ever played an important role in keeping the marriage together of any couple.

        Your insistence on denying the most basic fact about males in general just shows your cluelessness about the subject. There is nothing wrong with the article; what’s wrong is your attitude towards the importance of sex especially for men in marriage. If your opinion is shaped by your man’s behavior, then sadly, your sample space is just insufficient. My advice: Educate yourself, you are living in la la land.

    • Stephanie McCannon says:

      I agree. Sex is vital to marriage. Remember though that the reverse is also true. Some men can take it or leave it and some women would rather take “it”.

  • Screw_Globalism says:

    Mother Nature is cruel !! The main problem is lack of polarity , most women have little sexual desire , about a third are asexual , whilst most men are cursed with a strong sex drive….it’s crap for both genders !!!

  • JingFei says:

    I am so so glad I am a lesbian LOL. Especially reading the comments. I could never understand the mentality behind men expecting women to have sex when “They are not in the mood, do not want it”. If they are not in the mood, or or do not want it, they will not enjoy it. Why do men feel the women they love should have to endure something they do not enjoy, something as invasive as allowing another human to use your body? When one partner is merely enduring it, it ceases to be “making love” and becomes grossly violating.
    The very idea that a woman having a different sex drive = “depriving a man” is just screwed up.

    • Viki Samoja says:

      Oversimplification. women are rarely in the mood right of the bat but a skillful lover can make it enjoyable for her either way, the most important thing is that he cares to do so.

      • JingFei says:

        Oversimplification yourself.
        You aren’t living in reality. If I had a dollar for every straight female friend who felt constantly pressured to have sex and end up “giving in”, I could retire early. Over time, they begin to loathe it and resent it. Every one of them then tell me that if they stick up for themselves because they had a super long day and are tired, or don’t feel “pretty” that day, or just feel like they want to be alone, they get treated in a substandard fashion and get an onslaught of whining.
        Newsflash, women have the right to their own bodies, including when they don’t want them to be used. There is nothing wrong with the regular female sex drive, whether it’s lower or higher. We’ve just been set up in a society that believes men’s desires trumps all. And that’s just plain wrong. You’re idea is that women should over-ride their natural sex drive and do it anyways, even if they don’t want to. Him being a “skilled lover” makes no difference. If a woman is not in the mood to be touched, that should be respected. The guy can use his hand for one night ffs.
        If you think the almighty penis should be catered to above your own needs and wants, or natural incliniations, go right ahead. I’m just saying, I’m glad I don’t have to deal with it. I like being in a relationship where I can be myself and respected as a human being. I would never try to ply or coerce my partner into sex if she wasn’t feeling it. Because it is creepy. Creepy and selfish.

        • Viki Samoja says:

          If women have right to deny sex to men, then men have right to search for it elsewhere, women are the ones who preassure men into monogamous relationships, and if they do so they should hold up there end of the bargin, which is to fulfil her man’s need, if they can’t do that then they are not fit for marriage, and should stop luring innocent men into such situations.

          • JingFei says:

            Didn’t take long for your sexism to start showing ;D. Why am I not surprised.
            “It is a woman’s job to fulfill men’s needs. If men cheat it is the woman’s fault. Women trap poor innocent men into monogamy. Women aren’t fit to be married unless they’re sex kittens. A woman’s sex drive, or if she is enjoying sex, and her right to her own body, is a lower priority than a mans.”

            Thank you for proving my point.

            • Viki Samoja says:

              Notice that it’s not men who buy fake pregnency tests to coerce women into marriage, and for your information witholding sex(by either gender) is grounds for divorce in many states, sex is only thing that differentiates lovers from roommates, once it’s gone attraction just tapers away over time, and before you know you find yourself bound to a person you feel nothing for. Worse yet if a woman witholds sex a man can’t help but think it’s his fault, if she loved him she would want to have sex with him, that is just how it is, if you can’t stand the thought of being intimate with somebody how the hell can you say you love the person. If a person does not feel like being intimate with there spouse is something they desire(not out of obligation but because it feels good for them) then by all means they should not get married in the first place, goes for both genders as i saw a number if women who complained about there husbands doing the same to them, and equally, if a guy does not fulfill his woman’s needs she has a guilt free pass to seek it somewhere else. Next time don’t jump to conclusions.

    • GerryAllwin says:

      Men such as myself comply with many things we don’t personally want to endure. It’s called “work.”
      Marriage and family involve a lot of work for which I don’t get paid anything in a material sense.
      Even the best jobs have many duties and conditions that are no fun. Sometimes the wife wants to make love and I really don’t want to. Nevertheless I do what I can to let her get at least some satisfaction if not 110%. She has on occasion had her way while I was asleep. I’m pretty sure one of our children was conceived in that manner!
      But if I’m desirous of sex, she has to be “in the mood” or no go.

  • Red says:

    Thank you, thank you!!! I’ve just read your articles about a mans need for sex in order to feel loved. Reading these will have most likely saved my marriage! I’ve been married for 14 years and my husband always wants sex. Of course my libido is no where near where his is and I don’t want sex on a regular basis. This is a huge problem in our marriage. I thought that he wasn’t normal for always wanting so much sex but obviously this isn’t true. He is NORMAL and just wants to feel loved by having so much sex!!! Reading your stuff makes so much sense to me now. Thank you again!!!!!! Wow, what a relief. I thought our marriage was in big trouble but I guess I’ll just give more sex and see what happens in return. I’m hoping the benefits are what you describe and our marriage will be saved.

    • Screw_Globalism says:

      Don’t feel forced !! I greatly admire your honesty..you are typical of most women so don’t feel guilty , “pity ” sex is not really good for man either , it can feel soul destroying to him..but equally it seems you are a caring wife that wants to give her best to him , we need more women like you , too many women are self centered drama queens.

      • bill says:

        I met a girl 8 years ago do anything to have sex in public places in airports.now 6 years married the last 6 mths she has lost all interest in sex. What is going on 45years old.

        • King43 says:

          Your relationship is lacking sexual tension

          • Margaret Opine says:


            • King43 says:

              LOL…okay. Communication is overrated. Jobs, bills, children are the excuses we use for the lack of sexual tension in our relationships. Like I said…read the book. You want answers, you want to read that book. You want to continue to lose this battle, you’ll continue to do what you’re doing. Your choice.

        • Margaret Opine says:


          • Andre Garcia says:

            Just reading what you have written let’s me know that you must either be single, or have a miserable relationship.

      • Margaret Opine says:









    • Viki Samoja says:

      I think it is very important to make a distinction between having sex and making love, having sex includes next to no emotion and will only statisfy his phisical, but not emotional needs, if you make it seem like a chore you are doing yourself and him a bear favor. I don’t exactly know how women think but maybe you should try to reframe sex in your mind, and maybe the problem is that your needs are going unmet, try to work on that so it is enjoyable for both of you and you should not have a problem leting go when he wants to have sex, like a present you did not exactly expect but is welcome anyway.

      • BobTrent says:

        Making full love and having sex are not “either ors” or “one or the others.” It can be one or the other but can be anywhere in between.

    • Ryan Turner says:

      Boy I wish my wife had your same thoughts on this

    • Mike Jones says:

      why oh why do women not get this…..

  • T says:

    I’m glad I came across this. I am spiraling down a bad path in my relationship and you so clearly and brilliantly said what I need to hear and comprehend! It makes so much sense

  • Kevin says:

    Kudos to Renee for sticking up for decent guys , all too often women use sex as a tool of control to keep ” him ” in line !! In general the female sex drive is way lower than a mans , I’m just glad mine has declined with age , high sex drives are a curse….anyone that invents a way of killing the male libido with no side effects will very quickly be a billionaire !!

  • A woman at heart. says:

    I feel like I am the man in my relationship who is being neglected. I feel like my needs mean nothing. I have gone through a rough patch with my boyfriend. He says things like “You need to earn my affection” and “You don’t stimulate me emotionally and or mentally.” or even “All you want is sex.”
    Now, myself as a woman would like to disagree on what he is saying and doing to me. I believe I am above average when it comes to intelligence and that because I am so emotional I actually do notice his change in feelings and I try to be there from him. I should have his affection without earning it. We probably have sex once every 2 months. I feel the passion is lacking. I am severely upset about how our relationship gets treated. I want to have a loving, warm place I can snuggle into and know the same is wanted from his side. Can a relationship like this be fixed? I don’t want to live a life where I have no passion. Hell he has never even kissed me. He says “Way too many Germs” or “Your Breathe smells bad.” Any advice or opinions please.

    • Jessica says:

      Woman at heart, I know how it feels to be deprived of sex. My husband did that to me too. He said I wanted it at the wrong time (not during the Monthly) and he didn’t want to wear it out. I almost had sex with another man because my husband wouldn’t give it. If you’re single, find another man who won’t neglect you in that department. If you’re married, keep on initiating and if he still won’t get a toy and relieve those sexual frustrations girlfriend (lol).

      • A woman at heart. says:

        We have been dating for just over 2 years. I am sorry you are married and that you are stuck with a man like him. I will need to let him go and move out. I am as good as being an abusive relationship. There is no passion for me within this man, and it hurts. I resent him and hate him. All I want is love and I doubt I will find it here. Thank you for taking time to write back to me.

        • Jessica says:

          You’re welcome Woman at heart. I did tell my husband how I felt. He also knows that I have toys when he’s not in the mood. He straightened up and flew right because he knows that I don’t have to sleep with another man to relieve my sexual frustrations, but I will if comes to that. Toys go only so far. It’s not the same as having a warm and loving man in bed next to you. A man/woman will take no from his/her wife/husband only so many times until he/she goes out and finds another woman/man that will tell him/her yes.

  • ruby says:

    Sex is not food, nor an obligation, don’t make your woman feel like she has to do it..you won’t have this problem if you are satisfying your spouses needs in all departments spiritual physical and emotional..Life and love is not all about sex..there’s so much more to life…

    • Megan says:

      Research Maslov’s heirarchy of needs. This is basic human psychology.

    • Jackofblades says:

      You’re right. Sex isn’t an obligation. However, if you decide to not have sex with your guy constantly and consistently, then I would argue that at least some of the onus will on you if he cheats. If you’re not giving him what he wants/needs, why should he take the time or effort to make sure your needs are met? I’m not saying it’s right to force a woman to have sex all the time. Though you need to at least be providing regularly. I think that’s fair.

      • who cares says:

        I get sex maybe once every 3 months when she feels like it. I am tired of women complaining that there husband wants sex at least 3 times a week maybe 4 times a week. My wife uses the kids to keep from giving me sex. Or she will be fine all day but when we go to bed she suddenly has a headache or tired but yet plays on her damn phone talks on FB or other crap. And completely ignores me. I thought about cheating but never have but my wife has cheated on my a couple of times that I known of. Think of that crap.

        • Jessica W says:

          It’s one thing not to be in the mood when you’re sick, that time of the month, etc. It’s another if a person is constantly rejecting along with those reasons. A man/woman will take no from his/her wife/husband only so many times until he/she goes out and finds another woman/man that will tell him/her yes. I’m glad that you chose not to cheat. She better wake up or she will lose you.

          • Screw_Globalism says:

            Thank you Jessica !! Aside from being lazy & unappreciative as well as the above , I have started separation & divorce proceedings….& intend to stay single permanently once I’ve sorted all affairs out. I’ve learned that relationships are not for me…& for a 44 y/o man ,dating will just be a money burning , soul destroying exercise , plus so many women come across as hostile to men.

            • Jessica W says:

              I’m sorry that you’re going through this nonsense. Nothing wrong with staying single either. My grandmother said it best. Being married once is enough.

              • Screw_Globalism says:

                Thank you…why can’t more women be like you !! Very wise words from your grandmother indeed. I’m so thankful my libido has declined..the male sex drive is generally a huge curse for the vast majority of men !!

                • Umesh shivaraju says:

                  HI.. Secrew_globalism, I ask you to think different a bit. I am sorry that you are going through this undesirable nonsense. Sorry. You are just 44 dear. I agree. Dating etc is just money burning exercise. You re going through divorce proceedings etc. That’s another money eating & time killing journey. In fact, mine is no different from you. Still hoping for the better and never cheated in life out of my own commitment to myself. Now I am smelling Divorce helplessly. MY wife has got diff belief system that SEX is not important and asking for sex is perverting. Uh.. I do not know. We have not had sex for last 18 MONTHS. So much of distance is created. I wish you be positive and get married again. Take risk. Some good thing may be possible.

            • DAVID DAVID says:

              It’s called the feminist movement.
              And we as men are powerless to do anything because of the laws of the land that protect women in EVERY way, the only way to try to protect ourselves is with pre nups, that ALL women question and never want to sign or to just try to move on, but we can’t as they have us there too with the laws of separation and then divorce.. A lot of women have moved up the wealth ladder on men’s backs after a divorce, never the other way around, a true double standard, and they know this and use that ace up their sleeve every time to win their game that was already planned out YEARS before the wedding day, all they needed was a man, any man will do as long as he has a job or is well to do in his life, and if he’s handsome or as the call us “cute” then that’s a bonus for them, it gives the marriage a couple of more years.

            • Margaret Opine says:


          • Thejist says:

            Can you please speak with my wife? Lol……… I have honestly been loyal to a woman who has basically cut me off for the last decade.

            Every year or two she comes around for a week and then back to her insecurities and abusive behaviours.

            For the longest time I didn’t think she would mess around but the more time goes by and the easier it seems it is for her to step on my dignity, I would assume it wouldn’t be much harder for her to step out of the house. She isn’t ur typical Barbie type or the type who would die without it. In fact I know she could go without sex forever if she if she decided to. But I think there has been more than 1 now and I’m putting house up for sale without her knowing ahead of time.

            I was contacted by a woman who I had this MASSIVE crush on in high school. “”Pam”. We shared the same best friend (female) but never crossed each other’s friendships with “April”. I would tell April all the time to set me up with her friend, she knew how much I liked this girl. She always said that she wasn’t in to me or not same type of crowds blahblah. So I stopped asking as u h and would only enquire on her over the last 20 years.

            Well I get an email from Pam over the last year.
            She has heard through mutual friends of my wife that things are not good, she is worried about me.
            That all through highschool she would beg her friend “April” to set us up and sees a chance now
            That she doesn’t want to not take and regret!!
            AYFKM?!!!! I could have been with the one I was suppose to be with this entire time.
            Should I just ruin Aprils life? Lol

        • Are Leen says:

          You can’t possibly be giving her a clitoriial orgasim.

          • Thejist says:

            obviously not if they are not having sex and seems to be ur answer for everything. shes cheating just like im going to after a decade of waiting. they make you hand your nuts over at the door then turn on you when you don’t act like a man cause they have forgotten how to treat a man. They expect men to love them like a woman loves, not like a man would love and then realize they have a sensitive b/tch that has no clue how to get them to collapse when they try to stand when we are done showing our love like the man use to.

            Its a waste and will actually be the reason for the complete collapse of the western world,,,,,seem extreme? think about it. Unfortunately, men run the planet and always will always have. But when the more male dominant societies like in the middle east,eastern Europe and most of Asia come to take whats ours in business, money then eventually for control of our countries, ideals including absolutely no women rights with any resistance resulting in beheading, they will walk right through these pansy ass, no confidence, no courage or balls cause they have them, mushy b/tches “men” they have created. The People that were instinctively programmed to protect you have been rewired to let them get taken over by these backward societies who at least still had their balls but will be the complete opposite of what you threw away cause they took the rights movement waaaaay too far and to the extreme. well have fun getting forced to marry Kuljeet the wife beater who LEGALLY can beat his wife,,,,,,,Yay fun!!!!!!!!!! I just wanted to f’ck you a few times a week, was it really that much trouble?

            But hey! the new society wont effect me really . im a man.

        • james says:

          Fuck dude, I feel you, i’m sorry buddy and you aren’t alone. If you start raging just go out and pick a fight with some known douche-bag and let it all out. I’ve done this and it helps, came back with her favorite groceries from the store, watched a movie with her, end of night…-_-. It’s so much better then patching holes in your own walls before your significant other wakes up.

        • Jordypoo says:

          Murder that ho

        • DarkJuju says:

          Maybe when she looks at you the last thing that crosses her mind is sex. Ask your self why that is.

      • DarkJuju says:

        So if they guy doesnt do his job it is OK for women to cheat on him?

      • Jim says:

        I have to disagree a bit here. Intimacy in a relationship is an obligation. Without intimacy a relationship or marriage becomes a friendship. Women can tell themselves all they want that they can have a relationship without intimacy, but the simple fact remains: A woman needs to feel loved to want sex but a man needs sex to feel loved. It’s a cosmic joke that seems to be poorly understood.

      • BKNL says:

        Well then, he had better give her the attention so she wants also. Not just this, hey baby, I’ve got a hard on. Love your women, woo her, like you did when dating. A man will be a lot happier with those results. It takes a bit, but once that button clicks on … smile.

      • Margaret Opine says:



    • Trailer Park Prepper says:

      I’m calling BS. Why? Because i’m in a relationship where I meet all of my wife’s needs yet we’re in a sexless marriage. Explain this.

      • Jessica says:

        The less I am around my lover the more I want him. During the time we’re apart we both focus on making our bodies more desirable because we work out more and everything feels new again.

      • Are Leen says:

        Simple – You don’t sexually turn her on, or porbably don’t know how to give her a clitorial orgasim

        • Trailer Park Prepper says:

          This you are totally wrong on… When we were first married I could give her multiple Os with fingers or tongue.

        • Margaret Opine says:


      • King43 says:

        Your not creating any sexual tension. Read No More Mr Nice Guy

        • Trailer Park Prepper says:

          I’ve been an asshole also which doesn’t help either.

          • King43 says:

            Women typically don’t mind a little assholeness in their men as long as he continues to make them wet.

            • Trailer Park Prepper says:

              Ah, but she would actually want to get wet your that to work. She has negative sex drive.

              • King43 says:

                If you are creating sexual tension that’s not a problem. Read No More Mr Nice Guy

                • Trailer Park Prepper says:

                  You’re really good at repeating yourself. With some women it doesn’t matter if your Mr nice guy, Mr asshole or anything in between. With some women it doesn’t matter if you’re Ron Jeremy or Pewee Herman. Some women just have no sex drive, period. Thanks for your irrelevant nonsense. Next.

                • King43 says:

                  You’re welcome! But when your ready and done with the excuses go read No More Mr Nice Guy

                • Thejist says:

                  so me going from never taking her shIt in the begining to being a complacent “yes man” has pretty much been my biggest mistake?

                • King43 says:

                  I don’t have all the answers but the book does

                • Margaret Opine says:


          • Margaret Opine says:

            HEY TRAILER:

      • DarkJuju says:

        If you were meeting her needs YOU would NOT have the problem you do. YOU just like to think you are meeting all her needs.

      • Margaret Opine says:


      • Maxx says:

        A really good article that alot of women wont want to accept.

    • P.J.101 says:

      Love, Affection, Attention, Care etc etc is not food, nor an obligation, don’t make your man feel like he
      has to do it..you won’t have this problem if you are satisfying your
      spouses needs in all departments spiritual physical and emotional..Life
      and love is not all about female parasitism..there’s so much more to life…

    • Michael Watts says:

      … “you won’t have this problem if you areceived satisfying your spouses needs in all departments spiritually physical and emotional..”

      This statement is not necessarily true. There are plenty of one sided relationships out there where one partner satisfies successfully while the other takes it all in and provides nothing or little in return.

      • DAVID DAVID says:

        Read my post above.

      • Wen says:

        That is 150% correct, that is my marriage which is in divorce court now. My husband is nothing but a worker and expects me to greet him naked and I’ve also raised his 3 kids and all I am is a “piece of shit and a loser who doesn’t work.” I had it with the abide and insults so I filed for divorce!

    • Are Leen says:

      I agree!

    • DAVID DAVID says:

      Ruby is so A typical, she has answers for everything that she knows nothing about and just likes to make cyber waves… Do you actually have a man? are you fulfilling your feminist goal of depriving him of sex to make him jump for your “spiritual physical and emotional” needs?.. Why do you think that men hate chick flicks?.. Because we are not into this bullsh*t of spiritual, physical, and emotional needs that every woman is tied into, men are wired differently, beyond the mentality of a woman to decypher, same goes for a man trying to figure out a woman, a real man is a real man, not a pus*y whipped cream puff that is into feminine stuff, a girly man. (Arnold Schwarzenegger) that all women love because they can control them so much easier like a puppet as he is almost a woman but with a REAL di*k that they can use whenever THEY want to when the batteries are dead in their personal 12″ rubber dildo’s….. FYI, sex IS food for a man, a real man, look into it before you make yourself dumb again in public.

    • Mike Jones says:

      no it is not food. and yes life is more than sex. but it is a human physical NEED just like food is. don’t take care of your man and he will get angry, shut down not listen not care and you will not like him at all.

  • matt says:

    Anonymous needs some ASAP!
    I never heard such a hateful feminist in my life….now.. I’ve been married to my beautiful wife for almost 12yrs now. Her libido use to be thru the roof! Now it seems like she couldn’t care less and makes it seem like a job. I have a high sex drive, am open to try new things, basically do ANYTHING she wants in bed. I don’t make her get a job, tho I struggle with bills. I even cook dinner 95% of the time. Its very depressing when the one u love only let’s you touch her once a month. I’ve never cheated on her. Dont even entertain the idea… I hope I’m strong enough to keep it that way. I tell her everyday how beautiful she is… Usually get a sarcastic comment back…it really hurts.

    • A woman at heart. says:

      I know how you feel. Know you are not a lone…. there some of us women who need to deal with this rejection as well. I just don’t know how you do it for 12 years.

    • Screw_Globalism says:

      If she’s at home doing nothing , whilst you are working & treating you like this , then you are better off just dumping her !! OK we both work FT , but I do all the housework..she sometimes cooks ,so can mostly relate to this. No wonder more men are just giving up on women…you can’t win !!

  • anonymous says:

    What a load of crap. Sex is a purely physical thing. It’s a desire. It is not necessary to live. Men need to get over themselves and quit making women their sex slaves. Plain and simple. If you want a woman to want sex with you, BE NICE TO HER. Don’t be a douchebag who is only nice when you want sex. Until you can do that, get over it.

    • Patrick says:

      This is for anonymous: You have no idea of what you speak and are quite ignorant. A man’s #1 emotional need is sexual intimacy. It is part of his biology. This article is not about men who treat women badly and then expect sex. I am sure the author is not in favor of that. There are other blogs to discuss that kind of thing. It is about women who deprive their men of sex because they are not in the mood, don’t want it, etc. and don’t understand the betrayal a man feels, the sense of being unloved, the diminishment of his self-worth he feels. If a woman continuously deprives a man of her body and there is no physical illness or disability to explain this, then she simply does not love him. That is assuming the man is a good man and treats her well. If he doesn’t, why would she want to be with him anyway. But a woman does not get to deprive a man of sex and still say she loves him. She doesn’t have that right, in my opinion.

      • anonymous says:

        Patrick, do not judge without knowing. You do not know who I am or what my experience is. I happen to be in a long, very loving relationship, and my husband agrees with the fact that sex is a desire, not a need. Sex is a distraction, one neither of us feels is necessary, except when we conceived our children. He treats me very well, by the way, as I do him. We have both seen men who treat women horribly then turn around and expect sex from them, using all the same logic used in this article. We have seen many a marriage crumble because of the same logic used in this article.

        I wish you the best, Sir.

        • Patrick says:


          I guess you and I read the article differently. I agree with most points in the article. However, I think it would be better if the author said that this applies to men who love and honor their women and to women who love their man. If a man treats his woman well and she says she loves him, then what is said in this article should apply. Can we agree on that? I do not agree that a man who does not treat his woman well should expect that she would want to make love to him.

          What about women who say they are not in the mood all the time? You say that you and your husband believe that sex is only a desire for men, not a need. That is not true, anymore then love is not a need. You are asking a man to go without love, because sexual intimacy is his #1 emotional need. That is too much to ask and as I said before, I believe any woman forfeits the right to say she love her man, if she continuously refuses him for no other reason than she is not in the mood.

          If your husband truly believes that sex for a man is only a desire, he is in the very small minority of men who believe that. Look at the research, talk to marriage counselors, he is so wrong. But I wonder if he really believes it. If you are depriving him of sex (which I hope you are not doing), then I doubt he is truly happy.

          I don’t mean to be rude, if you think that I am. But there are so many women (including my wife) who don’t understand the truths in this article. For you to say the article is crap is your right. But I assure you that what is said in the article is true and more true than you could ever believe. Don’t ignore what is said here.

          • Evito says:

            The article applies to both the asshole and the gentleman, jackass behavior does not chamge the basic biological need. However if you are with a man who treats you badly even when you treat him well you’re the architect of your own misery and should start planning your exit strategy from the relationship.

        • A woman at heart. says:

          I disagree. We as humans need sex. Without it you don’t have a healthy relationship. You and your husband in my opinion sound more like friends and not a couple.

          • Screw_Globalism says:

            I partly disagree..there is a large percentage of women that are asexual & find sex repellent. Most men in LTR’s / marriages are in sexless relationships , these are the vast majority. I wonder if women & men are really compatible at all , we are wired so differently !!

            • DAVID DAVID says:

              Women will give you anything before their “special day”, then after that it’s up to her discession about everything, especially sex, and it’s up to you to adjust or face the consequences that you blindly made on her “special day” .

          • DAVID DAVID says:

            Yes, so true..
            I bet anonymous has his and her bicycles that are colour matched to her blouse and his (chosen for him) underwear when they go for their sexless rides into the sunset that she arranged.

        • Anon says:

          BS. Your husband says that because judging by your knee jerk response, you’ve deprived him into submission and he probably doesn’t want to argue with you anymore so agrees. He’s probably watching tonnes of porn and thinking about other women but too afraid to confront you and your extremist views.

        • Noddy says:

          Only feeling sex was necessary when conceiving children? Okay.

          lol by your immediate hostile response to this article, it seems like he
          is probably hen pecked and just says “yes dear” to keep the peace and then goes off to his porn collection for release.

          • Screw_Globalism says:

            Upvoted…& I believe you are 100% correct !! I was never henpecked , but most men are in sexless relationships ,I dumped my wife for being a burden , as well as the above !!

          • DAVID DAVID says:

            Ha, ha, ha…
            Good one Noddy, very well observed.

            Did you noticed Sir Noddy, how snoddy anonymous is, she even speaks for him too, probably dresses him before dropping him off at work while she lounges with her lover somewhere.

        • Disqus-tado... says:

          check his phone… surely he is in a very sexual relationship, a real one in another bed. otherwise, check his testosterone surely he has 0 left.

      • Living Authentically says:


        Your response is so true. I am in a loving relationship and enjoy sex in a way that is just amazing. I really love my man — we have a balanced and healthy relationship with a strong and growing bond filled with respect, understanding, acceptance, fun, and trust — and I just love all the many connection points we have with each other, sex being one of the most loving and amazing experiences shared between us. Without going into my history too much, I understand that which you speak, and it is true — when you really genuinely love your man (and he is a good man that treats you well), you want to share the physical part of the bond — regularly and often. 🙂

      • DAVID DAVID says:

        Yes!.. Most women are users, if they dont get what they want they
        de-sex us for ANY reason, and if you force the issue the cops arrest you for rape, which she can claim at any time and you are automatically guilty… Look at Ghomeshi, the guy has money fame, had a high paying job, ended up with a bunch of washed up nympho sluts that weren’t satisfied with his performance and decided to punish him by trying to take it all away from him with trumped up charges… Wait when he sues them back for deformation and the CBC for unjust dismissal, this was the best thing that happened to him.

      • BKNL says:

        There actually are men out there that, no, sex it not their # 1 emotional need.

    • T says:

      Key words “be nice to her” my man threatens to cheat on me if I’m not more sexy,or provocative. He says to keep him interested. Although he puts me down so much some times I wish he would cheat on me and leave so the pain and self-loathing would stop. How can you be sexy and depressed at the same time … I haven’t figured that one out yet.

      • JingFei says:

        Dump him. Seriously. He seems to have no respect for you as a human being. Take the power and just leave him behind.

        • DAVID DAVID says:

          I would too, if I was a woman… I’m in the same boat but at the opposite end being a man with a controlling (in every way) spouse, and I’m trapped like an animal in a cage due to the legal system so I can’t dump her without setting up residency under a bridge… But just before you do it, it doesn’t hurt to have evidence of him cheating, but not in a blackmailing kinda way as that’s illegal.

    • Noddy says:

      It sounds like you have problems.

    • clo01 says:

      I’d like to understand your logic. You say sex is not a need, but I disagree. Sex is the soul reason of our existence. I do agree that sex is a desire for another person, but why would you see it as not necessary to live?

  • lynn says:

    I agree with this article to an extent, but if men need sex, they should be willing to accept it as just sex (i.e. f’ing) if the emotional needs of the woman are not being met. They can’t expect the woman to ‘make love’ if she is basically just giving it up to meet his sexual/release needs. I think a lot of men still don’t understand that having sex is their means to an ends and then allows them to be emotional vulnerable, whereas with women the emotional connection is what comes first and is, in other words, the means to the sexual ends from the female perspective.

  • Lessons Learned says:

    I’ve been thinking about this article for quite some time now.
    I’m trying to figure out why an article like this is necessary. Why don’t women already know that men don’t feel loved or connected without sex? Why don’t we already know that sex makes men feel accepted and attractive?
    Why don’t we already know that the only emotional outlet men have is through sex with his partner?

    Why do we feel like it’s “just sex” they want when men badger us or whine for more sex?
    Why don’t we get it? Why don’t we understand? Why do mature women need this to be explained?

    I wonder if it might have something to do with growing up learning that “all men want is sex?”
    I wonder if it might have something to do with going through the dating years being dumped for not “putting out?”
    I wonder if it might have something to do with feeling used for sex and watching our girlfriends be used for sex and then be dumped?

    I wonder if the media is filling us with thoughts that men like lots of sex and that the one with the most sex wins the macho prize? Maybe it’s because we know men love to look at naked bodies and love to look at pretty women even when we are standing right next to them. Maybe it’s because we know men love porn and ask us to do repulsive acts to make them feel like real men.

    I wonder if it’s because we keep hearing that if we don’t give our man constant regular sex, he will find another woman who will because heaven knows, it’s not the love from a particular woman he needs, it’s the sex and what he gets from it that he needs….it doesn’t matter who he gets it from. Remember: “Don’t expect to just be loved and adored for who you are.” Men Need Sex.

    We’ve been conditioned to think and feel this way over the years.
    We’ve been programed to think that “all men want is sex”.
    We are told over and over again that it’s sex men NEED. Even our own partners remind us of such.

    That must be why we need articles like this to enlighten us that after a man decides to commit to a relationship, all of a sudden sex takes on a whole new meaning and no one told us women! After a man commits, he suddenly turns into a passionate, loving, emotional person who suddenly doesn’t feel whole without the loving sex you show him. It’s no longer a sexual need now, it’s turned into an emotional need. All he wants is your devotion and warm body next to his. His days will be brighter and his stress levels will decrease. He’ll walk into work with a glow about him. He will worship and adore you . All he wants is you and your physical devotion! Wow! Why didn’t anyone tell us that in high school? How did we all miss that memo?
    How did we get it so wrong?

    Lesson Learned: Once committed, don’t deprive your man of his new emotional needs.
    It has nothing to do with give and take.
    It really doesn’t matter if your emotional needs are being met, cause heck, you’ll feel adored and worshiped by being your man’s sexual/emotional provider.

    • anonymous says:

      Maybe it’s because we know men love porn and ask us to do repulsive acts to make them feel like real men.

      This is exactly the problem nowadays. They don’t feel like “men” unless women do these disgusting, repulsive acts. It’s sickening.

      • DAVID DAVID says:

        You should stay anonymous, anonymous… You dont even have to post that you’re a woman as your stupid answer says you are.

        Perverts are NOT men, they are perverts watching porn, if you stay with a pervert then we don’t want to know about it here.

    • T says:

      You hit the nail on the head..

    • Zach says:

      Spot on. I also don’t understand why sex is a chore for a woman. Oh noes….you have to feel pleasure, have orgasms, release stress, have fun, burn calories,etc etc.??!! Poor you! 🙂

      I understand women have emotional needs (newsflash, so do men) but because women can control their sexual desire better…they use it as a weapon. A tool for control. That takes away ALL of a man’s masculinity. That’s a dangerous spiral. The less manly we feel…the less manly we’re going to be around the house. Then we become less attractive to you. Then we become desperate and that’s not attractive either.

      If we watch porn, we’re gross. If we masturbate, we are gross and have no self control. What are we supposed to do? We will literally go crazy without a release. It’s not learned behavior, it’s biological. Especially in younger alpha males. It’s so incredibly important to our ego and that doesn’t make us weak or pitiful…it’s just a need we have like a woman’s need to talk with their girlfriends or do some other activity that is generalized to women more than men.

      Everything is so over complicated…as Tony Robbins says, “Do what you did at the beginning of the relationship and you’ll never have an end”.

      • DAVID DAVID says:

        Excellent reply!

      • Umesh shivaraju says:

        Everything is so over complicated…as Tony Robbins says, “Do what you did at the beginning of the relationship and you’ll never have an end”. — PERFECT..

      • BKNL says:

        Sorry, but this is bullshit for many women. You would be surprised at how many men don’t want to make love, do not want to take the time or they have other things to do.

      • Shannon Dorman says:

        Well, truth is, women are more sensual than men…if you’re woman doesn’t want sex, you’re probably doing something wrong. She doesn’t feel loved or you’re not actually providing her with intense pleasure…

        • Mike Jones says:

          you are saying women want real male sorts of men…..yes?

          • Shannon Dorman says:

            Yes most women do…we want a man who is comfortable with his manliness. And comfortable with our femininity…

            • Screw_Globalism says:

              Anti male propaganda , influencing girls / women to view men as worthless , sex crazed excreta , plus boys / men are taught that having a Y chromosome is a crime & that you are expendable garbage , whilst also encouraging male type behaviour in women ..there is no gender polarity & neither gender finds the other attractive. This has been deliberately engineered , look up Agenda 21. Notice that the crazy , man hating feminists are well funded & supported & it’s no accident they lead & control the feminist movement. This is exactly why there is friction between the genders. A salute to you , Shannon , at least you see the truth.

            • Good ol' Countryboy says:

              We do feel OK about our manliness. It is feminists who put us down, deny sex, build yourself up, and we are supposed to be OK with it. You can not constantly put a man down and expect him to be alright with the situation. You can not have a masculine man, and expect him to share his feelings like Richard Simmons. You want a man, but feminism turns them into a pussy. .

        • Good ol' Countryboy says:

          Not true. Everyone’s sex drive is different. Because I have a higher sex drive than my wife, that doesn’t mean I am doing something wrong. If you are going to say something you should either try to be helpful or just not talk at all

        • Jared Crawford says:

          My wife has multiple orgasms everytime we make love. Unfortunately for me she only wants it a couple times a month, where I want it close to a daily basis..can you give me pointers on an over a decade relationship

        • Zach says:

          I tend to agree. I don’t think I’m the perfect lover. My current GF does not like foreplay and I love it. She’d rather quickies, no matter how calm and sensual I try to be…she’d rather be f’d really hard really quickly. I’d rather spend time building everything up and exploring. So, to her, maybe I’m not what she wants but, in my previous experience, most girls like my style but, obviously, not all. Regardless, it sucks right now for me.

        • Sundaram Shreyas says:

          Disagree. What do you mean “she doesn’t feel loved”. Is that it ? What about the guy ? Since it is the guy that has sexual need, it is his prerogative right ? Bullshit. I cant stand such women.

      • Screw_Globalism says:

        ” but because women can control their sexual desire better…they use it as a weapon ” Women can easily do this , as their sex drive is around 5% of a mans on average , at least 30% of women are asexual. Also women view male sexuality as sick , perverted & disgusting , but this is mainly due to feminazi & ” media ” anti male propaganda.

    • DAVID DAVID says:

      No, because women are selfish and dont give a shi*t about a man’s feelings because we are not supposed to have any, women are only concerned about the euphoric feeling of security of a man in their presence in every way, usually it’s money wise security.

    • BKNL says:

      I feel a bit of a sarcastic note here 🙂

      • Mike Jones says:

        I know innummerable men who are nice guys. they work their buts off. they are great dads. they don’t drink or some or have affairs. they truly try to be good husbands and do care and love their wives. the wives turn off sex like a spigot. they ask more and more and more and more of the husbands. they complain and complain – he is not this. he is not that. he does not listen to me. he does not validate every damn feeling i have. you know what honey – show the hell up in the bedroom
        initiate. make him feel great. you will get a very, very different guy. sorry for my language but some of it seems obtuse.

        • BKNL says:

          But you guys are trying to talk for all women and all men. Happens completely both way.. You don’t know because you are not with a man. Goes both ways. From what most guys are saying here.. I think maybe they should go date another guy who is like them.. their hate for a women is so strong.

        • Shannon Dorman says:

          Check out the red pill…the more feminine a man behaves, the less attracted a woman will be. Also, listen to the song “Johnny get Angry”

          • Mike Jones says:

            I think some women like the part of the feminine guy cause he can be directed more easily. But when it comes to attraction I think women prefer more alpha males will masculine qualities.

            • Shannon Dorman says:

              Agreed, women will try to control things, often without even realizing what they’re doing…but, if they can control their man, they lose respect for him. Folks are all messed up in our modern culture….the feminine woman blog addresses the issue of de-polarization quite nicely. Men & women hardly know how to relate to each other these days & often times don’t even know themselves! I’ve been married almost 17 years in a good marriage. People have always remarked that my husband & I have a “perfect marriage”…it has certainly been better than average, but only this last year have we started really rediscovering the passion that comes from polarization of the sexes. We’ve never had problems with lack of great sex, as we’re both people with high sex drive, but since really embracing our natural gender roles there’s a fire like when we first started dating-19 years ago!
              Wives today are largely spoiled(not in a good way-rotten) & husbands are miserable & waiting for death….so tragic when there’s such joy & passion to be had in REAL relationship!

              • Mike Jones says:

                Your perspective on that (gender roles) is really interesting. I hope you will say and write more about that. I agree with you – men and women seem quite lost together and really different species in many ways. You are so right that there are many, many simply miserable husbands who are grinding to a halt and just doing time. I also agree with the idea that many women are spoiled but I would like to hear more from you on any and all of that. You seem knowing.

          • Screw_Globalism says:

            Yes , it’s called gender polarity , which has been deliberately sabotaged by those REALLY in power , creating girly boys ( so called metrosexuals ) & scowling , male negative women …that ironically stomp around like men !! Shannon & Sugarnspicelass …decent men are crawling the walls for women like you …however a large & growing number have simply thrown in the towel & given up even dating !!

        • Violeta says:

          Men & women get bored no matter what their partners do, so why bother impressing each other?

  • Anna says:

    So. I am a woman, 19 years old, and I have a boyfriend who is like 10 years older than me. HIS libido is lower than mine, and I really don’t understand. Don’t get me wrong, but: I am a pretty goodlookig young woman, and he keeps telling me as well, that my appearance is ‘totally not the problem’ but yeah, meanwhile; he still doesn’t want to have sex with me at least as much as I want it, dont even think about him wanting it more than me (ofcourse it does appear, now and then, that the roles do turn around)… but I just don’t get this; why is our situation so different than the cliché stories of men wanting more sex than women, and why do I have this and why now I’m 19 (again, don’t get me wrong, I absolutely don’t have a big attitude…, actually, I do ‘feel’ this article very good at the point of feeling rejected, o my god, it hurts… I really can’t explain what it does to me, it is making me really insecure and i did start doubting about myself and my looks since I date my boyfriend, although he keeps saying it has nothing to do with mw, but it’s just him who is different… but why? How can I not make that difference of him suddenly having a bigger libido? and why does these clichés don’t count for him and for me? Is this normal? Does it appear often? Cause he keeps saying it’s pretty normal, ofcourse cause he doesn’t want to be weird…) and we did talk about it, but there doesn’t seem to be a solution, he just seems to be ‘different’ in this, butI am getting pretty desperate… I really don’t want the situation to get so bad that I’m ending up cheating because of my unsecurity and unfulfilled needs… I would really like, and appreciate some help, cause these thoughts are getting me down and I really don’t understand the situation…

  • Anna says:

    Oops, wasn’t ready yet, rest will follow in a bit

  • Anna says:

    Hi guys, I am getting a littke desperate too, although I’m not a man.
    I am a womsb

  • Orc says:

    What a joy to read of a woman who understands how men work. I’m male. I’m 69 years old and I am active sexually (yeah, still!). I came across this article by accident when trying to make sense of what has happened to me. I have a partner who gave up on sex during the menopause. She was always shy about sex but we enjoyed a good sex life until she started the change. She just kept refusing me. I asked her what was wrong and she said ‘Too tired, too ill, too late, too cold, too hot, too sore’. I don’t think it was physical, I think she just didn’t want sex at all. I think the emotional part of it had died in her but she didn’t understand that it hadn’t died in me.

    When she stopped wanting it, I did it myself to relieve the tension but it wasn’t enough. I realised that I missed the emotional contact. I missed the intimacy that you only get when lying with your woman. The intimacy will be sexual of course but there is a very big emotional response for a man when a woman gives him her body. If he loves her, he will take care of her body and her needs as well as his own. He will make love with her, not to her. He will learn what she likes and what she doesn’t like and he will be gentle sometimes and more forceful sometimes, according to her mood. If he is lucky, and his woman loves him, she will do the same for her man and she will understand how deeply he links with her emotionally when she gives him her body. It is a very special thing when that happens. If it is taken away, it hurts, it really hurts.

    After a couple of years of rejection, I decided to look for someone else. I didn’t want to leave home, I just craved intimacy with a woman and wanted to feel the love and tenderness that only a woman can give. I wanted to feel emotionally connected with a woman. I went on-line. I met a number of women and had sex with some of them but it took a couple more years before I met a woman who really connected with me emotionally.

    I knew she was the right one within 30 seconds of meeting her. There was something in her eyes that told me she would give me herself with a level of intimacy that would have the emotional element I needed. The excitement between us was almost crackling around the room as we talked. She wanted love and intimacy with a man and I wanted love and intimacy with a woman. We are both in sexless relationships that would be difficult to leave but we enjoy each other because I fulfil her needs and she fulfils mine. She gives me herself totally. We are completely open about our physical needs and desires. We try things together, we abandon some of them, we experiment but about all, we are honest about our needs, desires and fantasies. Above all, we have a deeply emotional relationship.

    If any woman reading this wants to understand her man, she only has to realise that a man’s emotions are tightly linked to sex and intimacy and, if she loves him and gives herself openly and intimately to him, he will continue to love her.

    • Patrick says:


      I find your story interesting. I am about 20 years younger than you but with a partner who is like yours and has lost interest in sex. I would like to know how your partner feels about your situation. Is she aware of it? I feel she has no right to complain as she is not addressing your needs.

      I wonder how many people can make the connection that when you ignore a partner’s need for emotional and physical intimacy, then he or she is likely to look for it outside of the relationship. I used to be very judgmental of those who were unfaithful. I am not so much anymore because I do not know their situation. Even for those who feel that infidelity is morally wrong, a conflict develops between one’s values and needs. Asking a man to go without sex for a long time is like asking him to go without love. If you love your man, you would not ask him to do that.

      • Orc says:


        Your comments are spot on. My partner knew only too well how I felt. I told her how important sex was to me and to our relationship. However, she does not feel the need for sex. She thinks that because it is easy for her not to bother with it, it must be easy for me to forget about it too. She is very wrong.

        My partner does not know about my lover. I spend some nights away from home but I have work that allows me to do this regularly. I have made the best of my situation. I doubt I will ever get to live full time with my lover but we do get time away together and that is delightful and very fulfilling. Parting is a wrench emotionally but we are in contact several times a day and we know we will be together again soon.

        If you decide to look for someone to connect with, on-line is the simplest way. Choose your site carefully. There are some dreadful ones out there. You need to take time to write a good profile for yourself and be honest about everything, including being in a sexless relationship. Expect to meet a few chancers and some strange ones but there are a lot of lonely people out there.

        Good luck.

        • Patrick says:


          My wife feels the way your partner does. If her desire for sex has waned, she thinks mine has as well. She could not be more mistaken. She thinks this is the natural progression of marriage, not realizing how sexual intimacy is a man’s #1 emotional need. My wife does a lot of things for me but I just cannot feel loved without the physical intimacy.

          You say that your partner does not know about your lover. If she did or suspected it, do you think that would change how she treats you? If she was afraid to lose you, would that cause a change in her, one strong enough to make you happy by increasing intimacy in the relationship? Of course you do not know, but what do you think? I am interested in this question of whether women will be more responsive to a man’s needs if they think he will look elsewhere for love. I believe that both partners in a relationship have a right to expect loyalty to each other when they are meeting each other’s needs, but in the absence of that they have no such right. People cannot be expected to be loyal when they do not feel loved.

          • LunaDisc says:

            If a man can so easily cheat on his wife, whom he vowed to love and honor, then he is not worth fighting for. She should just let him go. The same can be said the other way around. Loyalty and honesty is everything. If you’re not getting your needs met, maybe you’re not meeting hers, either. You need to be open and commutative.

      • BKNL says:

        But if person A who is going thru menopause is wrong for ignoring a partner B ‘s need for emotional and physical intimacy, so they must have sex with that person A. Well then person B also would be wrong for ignoring partner A’ need for understanding and support while she is going thru this. Her’s is not being done on purpose, just so you know. Works both ways.

    • It don't come easy says:


      It sounds to me like you don’t have a clue about menopause.
      You want your wife to understand your needs but it doesn’t sound like you have any idea what is truly going on with your wife.

      Please see my response to David (Jan 30) below.

      Besides no longer being able to be sexually responsive (physically speaking) many women find themselves with a complete lack of sexual desire.

      Thats when the husband needs to step up to the plate and help his wife through this change.
      It’s called partnership. Her sexuality has changed so it’s time to change your expectations of what your sexual relationship is. She can’t do this on her own.

      If you are expecting her to have the same sexual responses she always had, she will find herself feeling inadequate and if you can’t understand her lack of response, it will be easier for her to shut down. This takes two…your response to her, then her response to you.

      My husband and I had a steep learning curve through my menopause. I was always changing.
      He stuck with me. He tried not to take my changing sexuality personally and I tried very hard not to shut him off, but I can tell you, it is such a vulnerable time that any anger or resentment from my husband would have made it easy to take sex off the plate.

      Yes, women need to understand men’s emotional/sexual ties but men also need to understand that sex doesn’t always come easy for women. I’m wondering if your wife gave up on sex because you were more concerned about your needs at the time as opposed to understanding what your wife was going through. When a woman shuts down, there’s usually a reason other than just being mean.

    • LunaDisc says:

      Wow, you are an unbelievably horrible person. You have been with your wife (I’m assuming, based on your age) a long time. Certainly you developed deep feelings of connection and love, aside from sexual intimacy. Don’t you love her as a person? For who she is? Not just the pleasure she gives to you during sex? Don’t you respect her as a person, as your partner? Hasn’t your life together bonded you to her? If yes to all these things then how on earth can you just betray her in a most vulnerable time? A time she is probably so frustrated (due to not being able to live up to your expectations). Don’t you think your wife would be so saddened if she found out about your affair? You took vows to love this woman no matter what. It’s absolutely disgusting how frivolous and insignificant people treat their vows nowadays. I thought someone of your age would at least respect them.

  • anonamous says:

    How do you women deal with a man who CAN’T satisfy you sexualy? I love him and had a high sex drive before we got into our relationship. Since the first time we had sex, he finished in under 1 min BTW, i have found my sex drive decreasing. The only way he last more than 10 min, from beginning to end, is if I’m on top and doing all the actions. How do you deal with this? I have found myself not desiring him and do not want sex with him. I tried books and talking. Showing him what turns me on, etc. He says that with me in control its easier for him to last a little longer. Even though its still not long enough for me. He races to get an orgasm. HELP!!

  • Elsa says:

    Bah. Not helpul article for me at all, but it’s nice that it can help other men and women. My problem is that when I give my bf sex he gets really rude afterwards. I have testet this out in different ways. It doesn’t matter if I give him sex every day or once a week, he gets rude and hurts me no matter what. So if I don’t give him sex he gets nice. And this is so crazy since I have higher libido then him. Don’t know what to do, and he refuses to talk about anything. I can say things really nice and he only yells back even more hurtful stuff.

    • mjay says:

      Hi Elsa ..ur comment similar to my situation. But I’m this way to my girlfriend because she’s mean ..she does and say hurtful things. Disrespect to me in public and very jealous.. I’m not perfect but I’m not a bad guy nether. the only thing that will help ur situation is communication. Understand his needs without trying..not saying give in all the time but compromise. and if this doesn’t work u guys just not ment for each other ..I love my girl but she doesn’t understand me ..she tries to be nice but anything makes her mad. I don’t see a future with her if this continues. I hope u have better luck. If he loves u he won’t let u go and us men know a good thing..see u with another will drive us crazy if we’re in love. Take care.

    • Jessica says:

      Honey, don’t tolerate that crap from him. He is a season coming to teach you one thing and moving on. There is someone out there who won’t do this nonsense to you. All these mind games, lies, hell, and deceit is letting you know to get back to you. Let him pack his raggedy duffel bag and funky ass attitude and leave.

  • nero says:

    I want to share this article with my girlfriend of 2 yrs but fear she wont take it as a cry for help, but react defensively as she did before when I tried to fix a problem. Every time I try and talk things out with her she gets defensive even after admitting I am to blame as well. I am frustrated and sad but mostly feel rejected and insecure. I want to work things out but whenever I bring this up she says “its all about sex with you” . Ive come to notice that she is only intimate when she drinks and thats only after I initiate, she nvr wants to go any where and we have no pictures of us. I dont want to think of cheating as it goes against my beliefs and the thought of moving on is heart breaking but I feel like im sinking and know this is not healthy, the constant rejection is affecting how I feel about myself and submitting this is scary cause I feel now I cant share this with her but need to vent as I have no one to talk to about this problem and have brought it up to her multiple times and always get accused by her of wanting her just for sex, which is not the case I love her and want a future with her but not one that doesn’t involve sexual intimacy. Rejection is the worst feeling at this point and is tearing my psyche apart. The only reason im submitting and admitting all this is for help and I know it was kind of an ego boost knowing there are others out there in the same predicament

    • Cody says:

      Nero your relationship sounds EXACTLY like mine. I’m experiencing the same predicament. I just had a birthday where I paid for everything and even mentioned weeks in advance that I was hoping for birthday sex and still she rejected me. You are not alone!

      • nero says:

        Thanks cody. Being rejected sucks. Im at a breaking point, I know ppl change but shes not the same person I started dating. If change doesn’t happen soon then I myself must change .

  • Tom says:

    thank god for the bravery of a woman who finally understands us. I hope heaven is full of women like her. Bravo

  • Danielle says:

    My boyfriend sent me this link for me to read and can understand to a certain extent but some of it is rubbish. Me and my boyfriend have sex around 3 times a week yet he is still unsatisfied and acts like a spoilt brat if he doesn’t get sex, he will start kissing me in bed an il say not tonight im tired/ill or just not in the mood he will push me away throw himself around and turn his back to me, he will then continue his strop the next day by ether ignoring me or trying to argue and be rude all day up untill 9-10pm then he will try be nice as he knows bed time is coming soon. Im not sure how much the average couple have sex a week but im sure its not 7. We have been together 6 years and have 2 young children, surely 3 nights a week is acceptable? ???

    • marcus says:

      What part of “never say no” didn’t you understand? Ok, I get it if you’re ill/sick/on your period. For those under 45, 3 times a week is a bare minimum. My parents are pushing 70 and still go at it 3 times a week or so. If he does act like a child about it, confront that issue.

      A good suggestion: say give me an hour to relax or teach him how to turn you on! Also, do you ever initiate sex? You need to!

      • Elsa says:

        “We have been together 6 years and have 2 young children” + he gets 3 times a week, and the 4th night when he doesn’t get any he’s acting like moron the day after, he’s clearly immature. And not to forget to mention he gets really nice right before bedtime. If you want to have sex with somebody you gotta start many hours before, to build up, lust for sex does not start in bed.

        So please don’t ever tell this woman to “give” more sex.

        I want more sex than my bf, it hurts in my vagina for days if I don’t get sex, I start to think about sex 24/7 if I don’t get sex. And I don’t act like a moron because I don’t get it, because I’m not immature.

    • Patrick says:

      This is for Danielle. I do not think you are unreasonable. I think most men would be satisfied with 3 times a week. I am a man and I firmly believe that a man feels loved the most when his wife or girlfriend shares herself physically with him. It is a stronger emotional need than even a physical need. Many women do not understand that and make their man feel unloved by depriving them of her body.

      I would be inclined to understand your boyfriend more if you were never in the mood but 3 times a week is reasonable. He should feel loved.

      • Elsa says:

        Such a great answer to this woman, you are very toughtful! 🙂

        You said many woman don’t understand. That is correct. I’m a woman and I have only once in my lifetime been with a man that needed more sex than me, I was 21 and he was 18 at that time. I need sex like I need food, and I have many times thought about becoming a nun or removing parts of my vagina, because I can’t take the need anymore. And when woman have high sex-drive she is called a nymphomaniac, that is such a lie. But taking control over my needs have helped a lot. And reading that this can lead to cheating makes me furious, that’s not true. Lack of communication leads to cheating, and also lack of respect. <– smells like PUA.

        The problem with my bf is that his need for sex, 2-3 times over 3 days and then a pause for a week, is more holy for him than me needing it every day. We never talk about my sexual needs only his. His sexual pattern makes me feels humiliated, he only touches me and say nice things to me in those 2-3 days. He never ever touches me in a non-sexual way or say nice things to me on the other days. It's such a turn-off. I don't get less horny, only less horny on him.

    • Macro says:

      Hi Danielle. Tell your boyfriend he needs a good kick in the face and to read my comment I posted on 11 Jan.
      He has no idea how lucky he is, sex 3 times a week is a distant memory to me.

  • David says:

    I have been with the same woman for about 10 years, it started out great in fact she was the one that started talking about having sex first. Our sex life was the best, there were times I would tell her I just wanted to look at her lying there before we did anything. She always enjoyed me just looking at her, I would be looking today but no way. Haven’t seen her even in her PJs, she makes sure she gets dressed before I arrive now. I did enjoy looking at her lying there naked to just adore her body, by the way we are both now in our late 60s. I still crave her all the time but for some reason about two years ago she said no more sex. She won’t talk or discuss it with me says she is old, unattractive and not desirable, all wrong in my book. I am as attracted to her today as I was 10 years ago, she is still a very sharp looking lady and my desire for her has never wained. She has a body that a lot of younger women would envy. She won’t go to a marriage counselor because she says we’re not married. It is so hard for me to look at her without wanting her badly and she knows that. All of my hugs are pushed away, she never hugs me back any more either she has her hands up in front of her chest or just hanging down at the side. For as kisses go I have to ask for one and then it is only a very small peck, like I would call a sister kiss. Nothing like in or romantic life before, she loved kissing, I think it was the part about love making she enjoyed the best. The way she would kiss me was really special, now nothing. She says if I kissed you anymore then that you’d want something else that I don’t want to give.
    So what can I do, I don’t want to give up on her, I’m in it for the long haul. There is no way I’d ever cheat on her, and I can’t just walk away from someone that I feel is a big part of my life. Someone help us.

    • To Everything says:

      Hi David,

      Sounds like a common side effect of good old fashioned Menopause.

      I’m in that boat and about 10 years younger than her..

      It takes a lot of energy to mentally muster up feeling sexual because my body doesn’t respond sensually anymore. Often sex is painful, I can’t arouse and forget about orgasms. I have to use my imagination and engage in sex for reasons other than physical pleasure.
      All of these things make me feel broken. Therefore, thinking about sex brings about anxiety for me which further lowers my limp libido.

      I too gave up on hugging and kissing because it Always led to sex and that brought on anxiety. We actually had to schedule sex so that my anxiety level would decrease and I could pump myself up mentally. It also gave my hubby and I permission to hug and kiss without the intent of it leading to sex. That was the best thing for me. I missed the non-sexual closeness.

      Our sex life has changed…it had to. It is now more formally arranged as a date, I have to mentally find other ways to enjoy sex besides physical pleasure, I have had to tell myself I am not old and broken but different than I was when I was 20. That’s OK.

      My husband has had understand that I am not rejecting him. That is a tough one for men.
      But now that he understands that sex isn’t that easy for me anymore, he’s willing to help find ways to make it a pleasant time for both of us.

      My suggestion: don’t be defensive, try not to take her sexuality personally, have lots of non-sexual intimacy (make sure she knows it’s not leading anywhere, you just want to show her you love her), and tell her you are open to following her lead.

      Good for you for not wanting to give up on her!
      I wish for you a wonderful future. Menopause is not easy.

  • Gunwanti says:

    My boyfriend didn’t talk to me please help me….
    We share everything with each other but suddenly now a days he started ignoring me….
    He never reply my call or sm…
    I know he loves me but he didn’t handle out everything…..
    Please help me….

  • Evangel says:


    My man is not an intimate person. He doesn’t kiss me, doesn’t touch me (other than during sex) and doesn’t tell me he loves me. I feel the love from him but without the much needed intimacy from him, my desire to have sex has taken a serious plunge.

    That said – I am a very sexual person and love everything about it. I do not feel reciprocity but still, I made a promise never to refuse sex to my husband and he the same. Regardless of what’s going on, if he wants to have sex I want nothing more than to satisfy him. I love having sex with my husband though he does not fulfill me emotionally or intimately. I still know he loves me! He is one of those guys where nothing else is going on (on the side) with him but he has serious intimacy issues. Yes, it hurts like hell but that doesn’t mean I’ll compromise my values.

    The point is, two wrongs don’t make a right and someone has to love strong enough to nurture change and growth. My feeling is that if you feel like you need to withhold sex because you aren’t being fulfilled (in whatever way – not just sexually), then maybe it isn’t the right situation for either one of you.

  • Macro says:

    I’ve had no sex for two years. My girlfriend after her pregnancy just refuses to be intimate with me.
    I consider myself a good father and I do a vast majority of the household chores. Our financials could be better but we’re certainly not on the breadline.
    She says she still loves me but whenever I try to talk to her about my needs (and her needs) it just breaks down into shouting.

    My girlfriend and I had a fantastic sex life before the pregnancy and it just suddenly stoped when she discovered she was pregnant. Our self life just stopped, it did not even have any sort of gradual decline. It’s like it was a sudden drop when everything was on a perfect high.

    Recently my state of mind has become very dark and all I feel right now is anger, bitterness, resentfulness, depression, fury, I can’t even watch films without the feeling of wanting to smash the tv whenever there is a sex scene. I also have dark thoughts towards my girlfriend and sometimes imagine smashing her face in, i sometimes draw pictures of her being tortured. I have started watching porn and masturbating more frequency than what would be considered normal. I never used to watch porn and now I feel even more sick and disgusted with myself, and as a result my resentment towards my girlfriend is increasing. All this is also effecting my work, I’ve been making all sorts of stupid mistakes.

    Despite all that I’m feeling a still love my girlfriend and I just want us to reconnect again and be happy for ourselves and our beautiful daughter. I know I cannot keep going on like this but I really do not want to cheat on her as its against my values. I want do do all I can to fix this, I just want the mental tools to do it.

    Now, please don’t mistake me as a violent person. I am not capable of hurting anybody at all and never will.
    Please note that I love my daughter very much and I am glad that she is here, I do not blame her in any way for my f##ked up state of mind (in fact she is the only thing in my life that is keeping me sane).
    All I have are lots of negative feelings inside me and I don’t know what to do.

    • Macro says:

      Just to further add, I have tried exercise to try and channel this vortex of negative energy but I often come back even more angry from a jog than I was when I left.

    • Dan the man says:

      Hello man, i read your comment and it hit me hard. I feel for you and your current situation.

      I have had friends with similar situations. The best solution for them was to go and see a sex therapist and really understand the root of the problems in their sex life.

      Explain to your partner it would mean a lot to you and your relationship to see one and you want to go to further the love you have for each other.

      I hope that helped you mate and best of look with everything!

  • Offended Reader says:

    To be honest I found your article (men need more sex) offensive. As a woman you seem to not mention why some women refuse to have sex with their boyfriends or husbands. What if a woman doesn’t feel loved and isn’t emotionally fulfilled? For some women having someone give them non-sexual contact is just as fulfilling and is a sort of foreplay. It also means that yes they can have sex,but they wont it enjoyable because they arent emotionally fulfilled.
    I also saw this same question from a reader and instead of positive feedback she has to have a mental issue? Sometimes men don’t do what they have to do in order to get their lover into that frame of mind. Simple things such as not listening to her, constant groping, pressuring/thinking they are entitled to sex from their partner or etc can contribute to their lack of sex.
    I’m not writing this to insult you however, sometimes its best for you (as a man) to try to see a woman’s side of things. Some women understand sex is a physical way to connect with their men, but even fewer men show any emotional contact with their woman.

    • Marc Alone says:

      This response comes from a man who has not had sex with his partner in three months: it hurts.

      You talk about sex as though it is something that women give to men. Like it is some kind of reward or something. That’s unhealthy. If you view sex as a commodity, to be given and withdrawn on your whims, I feel sorry for any man who enters a relationship with you. Sex is something you should want to do and if it isn’t, then you should make that clear before you start getting into his head. Whether you choose to believe it or not, most of the points being made here are valid, if a little exaggerated. Except point 3 – that’s just new age crap.

      Yet in reading your response, I begin to wonder, is this how my girlfriend thinks too? Because at the start of our relationship, we used to have sex very regularly. In the past year, we’ve had sex maybe fout times. Once in the past six months. How do you suppose that makes me feel? Women go on about how things men do make them feel unattractive; well ditto. I’m at the point now where I feel genuinely afraid to initiate sex. Why? Because if I don’t try, at least I won’t feel the crushing rejection of being told ‘no’, ‘I’m not in the mood’ or the most horrible of all, ‘leave me alone’. Every time, I feel sick to my stomach.

      And god knows I’ve tried to find out why. Every day I talk to her about her day. I do a hell of a lot around the house, I work long days to give her all the things she wants. She works too, but I like to buy her presents. It makes me happy to see her happy. Yet every night (well about one a week if I feel like taking the risk), it’s the same old story. And I ask her why. And she tells me she doesn’t feel like it or she’s tired or she’s not in the mood. And I ask her why. Silence. That hurts too. And god help me if I push the issue. I’ve got to think there’s something wrong if she is NEVER in the mood.

      It’s a feeling of the most complete and utter rejection you have ever felt. Even talking about it now is making me feel like crying. Yet I put up with it because in every other situation, she seems happy with me. For all the world, I feel like she loves me back. Yet I’m now at the point where I’m questioning whether I’m willing to go the rest of my life without sex because the woman I love doesn’t want me. And I’m getting to the point where I don’t think that I can. But it’s like the author says, love and sex are not mutually exclusive. I love her, but the lack of a physical relationship is pushing me further and further away. Hell, I’ve even thought about cheating on her, something I could never do in practice. But I’m so, so desperate for it that it’s looking more and more appealing. And I hate myself for even thinking like that. So you see, I’ve been reduced to a wobbling pile of self-loathing by this.

      But of course, you don’t see it that way, because sex to you is just a commodity. You don’t think of the physical and emotional implications of refusing to have sex with your partner. By the tone of your response, it sounds like you don’t care who gets hurt. You talk about not giving your man sex because of something he’s done to offend you. Well if he’s done something to offend you, tell him. Don’t passive-aggressively refuse to do something for the sake of proving a point he doesn’t even know your making. Don’t say you don’t feel like it without saying why. If I’ve done something to upset my partner and that’s why she doesn’t want to have sex, then I’d rather she told me. At least then I could do something about it. But at this point, I can’t do a thing and she won’t do a thing. So all I have left now is the long wait until she gets some particularly good news. Then maybe, just maybe, there might be something in it for me.

      Think before you speak, darling.

      • Elsa says:

        Have you tried to turn on your woman emotionally? Do you fulfill her emotional needs? If you don’t that’s the answer. When you fulfill your woman’s emotional needs you can get sex.

    • Tom says:

      This article tells it like it is-or at least should be. If you were offended by this article then you obviously dont wish to believe that for a man an emotional connection is not possible without a sexual connection. They go hand in hand. If you are waiting for the emotional to happen before the sexual you will be waiting a long time. Sex is not something that a woman gives to a man it is something she shares with him. Maybe get yourself a dog and leave the men for women who are not offended by reality.

  • Jessica says:

    Sometimes women feel the same way a man does when she is rejected sexually. I’ve experienced this with my husband when I’m feeling freaky and want it, he wouldn’t give it. He said I wanted it at the wrong time (not during that monthly)and he didn’t want to wear it out. I even told him I wanted to dance for him and got rejected. I was angry and it made me want to cheat because if you keep rejecting your mate, someone else will pay attention and receive what you’ve been wanting to give to your mate.

    • DAVID DAVID says:

      Wear it out?… If you don’t use it you lose, it and by the sounds of it he already has… Get him a pump.

      • Jessica W says:

        He meant that he didn’t want to lose interest and keep from stretching out my p*ssy. He doesn’t need a pump.

        • DAVID DAVID says:

          With a name like Seniorita Slapahoe your not serious…
          This is a serious discussion forum no Slapahoe Senioritas are allowed.

          • Seniorita Slapahoe says:

            I only changed it from a topic in Disqus called Rename A Love Stinks Commenter. I am serious while you’re jumping to conclusions about people you know nothing about. So what else you got?

            • DAVID DAVID says:

              Well Slapahoe, ’ems the serious confused trailer trash coming out in ya… Ya’ll needs to sit a spells to giv your head a a chance stop a spinnin..

              • Seniorita Slapahoe says:

                I’m not white. I’m black so once again stop jumping to conclusions about people you know nothing about. So you sit down stop your head from spinning cowardly white person.

                • DAVID DAVID says:

                  He, he, he… I’m not white.. So who did you say is a jumpin to conclusions? A racist, narcissistic, Slapahoe, trailer trash, that got booted off the other forum for being a stupid pussy that got her ass handed to her and forced her to change her name and now she tinks that she can do better here?.. You came across the wrong cock to mess with mama jama.

                • Seniorita Slapahoe says:

                  I wasn’t forced to do anything. Still wanna keep jumping to conclusions I see. I’m far from racist, narcissistic and stupid. Plus, I’m no where near 300lbs. You started jumping to conclusions first not me. The name change was only in fun. So you got the right one sweetie.

                • DAVID DAVID says:

                  Yeah right.. Just look at your avatar, dont tell me that you used some ugly, fat persons avatar to represent you? That would just be stupid, stupid… Your a 100% delusional, must be from that carpet smell of dog pee in your trailer, but hey what ever floats your boat, its part of your rehab.

                  Aww, that was so nice of you for the complement.

                • Jess Getoverit says:

                  That is my picture sweetie. I’m sitting in my truck. I’m also far from ugly. Not delusional either. I don’t live in a trailer. I don’t even have a dog. Where’s your avatar since you want to judge mine. Are you not what you seem? Finish your counseling session while I still keep it 100. And I’m happily married.

                • DAVID DAVID says:

                  Ya, U seriously ugly… and by you saying you’re not shows that you Are delusional.

                  Gee… You’re so full of complements, for a sack of rotting potatoes with a hole in it.

                • Jess Getoverit says:

                  That’s your opinion. I know what I’m capable of and so does my husband. I know I’m not ugly. If I was, I wouldn’t be married. You on the other hand are ugly because you insult people without getting to know them. Aww, honey you’re jealous.

                • DAVID DAVID says:

                  Jealous of what? That they modified a telephone pole into an ugly stick and beat you with it and i didn’t get to use it..

                  You started this bullshit cuz you got nothing to say nor did you contribute anything to this post in any way, your just a stupid grotesque transvestite looser that keeps editing all your previous posts, changing your name 3x times now for whatever reason cuz you can and that’s all you can do…. Oh yeah I almost forgot, and sit in your truck taking selfies of your revolting face… You dont have to be pretty to get married just a lot of liquor, case in point look at yourself, two transvestites does not equal a marriage, that equals a freak show at the circus.

                • Jessica W says:

                  I must be still on your mind because you still keep insulting me. My husband took my picture. You probably look no better because why else would you insult other people. I can change my username whenever I feel like it the last time I checked. You must have been bullied a lot growing up because you can’t even say something nice about anyone else. I’m not a transvestite either. I look at myself and see beauty radiating inside and out. Why don’t you try that for yourself? I like having fun not judging books by their covers like you are. The people who throw the insults are the ones who are insecure. You will never know what true love is with an attitude like yours. That’s why you’re jealous and hurling insults at me.

                • DAVID DAVID says:

                  Naw, every time you spew your bullshit I get a notification to reply, I can’t help myself cuz you’re so stupid and narcissistic with a exclamation on vain.. You say that your our husband took the picture? How? By hanging off the ugly stick that you got beaten with.. What u see is outside is unimportant as you dont see the full picture as we do, and what you have inside is nothing but pathetic loneliness. I dont have to prove nothing as I dont care about what people think, see, or know about me, (as in no ME avatar) unlike you posting your ugly face, changing your name every other post, editing your already posted posts, arguing with someone that you dont know and know nothing about the subject herein, to prove to yourself that you are all that.. Well you’re not, your not even on the same planet, you’re just a stupid lonely transvestite troll that is getting it’s ass kicked all over this and other postings you haunt to waste your useless, unproductive time…You said that you have a pussy a while back, Well a medically reconstructed dick slit down the middle and folded over itself and tucked back in is not a pussy, its a wannabe just like you.. This is a forum about sex, obviously something you know nothing about by all your useless “I’m beautiful inside and out” posts.. You’re right he doesn’t need a pump, you need one, for both of your heads.

                • DAVID DAVID says:

                  Someone that changes the plying field evey single post by editing out important facts in its previouse posts has a lot of self esteem, mental issues that no one can help here…This site should NOT allow for posters to change their posts after posting, change their usernames, everything what this headcase Seniorita Slapahoe or Jessica Getoverit or Jessica (which is the same person here) does every day as there is no continuity to this conversation.. I dont do that as I dont have issues like this ugly s black trash does, and for some reason, some of my best replys to this ugly transvestite went missing, so for me to continue to waste my time her is not an option.. I havent given in to this ugly silver back gorrila in the truck taking selfies and is in love with itself but with the current set up of this site its just a waste of my time and is an insult to anyone trying to hold a conversation on this site if every post can be edited to fit the future post replys..

                  If you posted it here then it stays posted the way it was posted in the fist place and not edited afterwords to have a totaly diferent meaning.. That is just stupid on the web page developers to allow this to happen.

                • Jessica W says:

                  Also, I did say and contributed to this post. You started the nonsense with me with your insults. Losers start nonsense with people they know nothing about and judge on the superficial side. I can also edit my posts if I wish to do so the last time I checked. I’m far from stupid. No need to be bitter and take your frustration out on me because you handle the truth being told about yourself.

                • DAVID DAVID says:

                  Let’s go ahead and add childish to your many tags that you wear, “I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE BUT WHAT AM I” posting..

                  Thats a contribution to this posts?.. Nope not even close to being useful here, Go and re-read your posts that you admittedly POST edited as to who started what.

                  There is no judging the facts, it’s blatantly obvious, you just can’t see it nor accept it, maybe if you go and kiss a toad…

                • Jess Getoverit says:

                  Because I’m having fun unlike you. Loosen up and live a little. It’s still me. I’m free to change my username whenever I feel like it the last time I checked.

                • DAVID DAVID says:

                  Well, I’z a sitting in ma truck, cuz thats all I duz… Well, well, lookie here what we have here is an ugly deformed inbred redneck!..Ya, u realy ugly, like guy in drag ugly, and for you to say that you’re not proves that you are delusional. A round bubble head with da hair pulled back to cover the bald spot on your fat head, bulging eyes, big cheeks and no chin. Yup, the cream of ugliness is u.

                  Keep it at 100? Is that some sort of redneck talk for scoring 100% on the ugly sack of rotting potatoes with a hole in it scale.

                  Happily married?.. Who cares if you’re happily married with yourself, seems like you came here to say your not, chubby.

                • Jess Getoverit says:

                  Keeping it 100 means being honest. I’m not a redneck. I already told you why I changed it. Too bad you didn’t bother to read it. Don’t have a bald spot either. Still jumping to the conclusion that I’m white. Nope, I’m black, beautiful, and employed. And I do have a nice ass. And that was only a rough patch at that time I posted. I’m married to a man not to myself. You’re jealous because no woman wants to deal with a superficial dickwad like you. Most men I know like something to grab a hold on to, not a wire. No need to be bitter and take your frustration out on me because your boxers are so tight up your ass to where you want everyone else to be miserable with you.

                • Jess Getoverit says:

                  Not a transvestite either. All woman is me.

              • DAVID DAVID says:

                That last comment about my lame ass, did you like pose in that cracked bathroom mirror like a gangsta with a hand jesture to resemble a gun… Did you like stroke your goethe beard too.

  • Jay says:

    Hi I would like to say that you have hit the nail on the head harder than anyone I have come across. I wish I could have my partner understand men as well as you do. It would make my life perfect as everything else is, except for her way of dealing with our sex life! It drives me crazy with frustration and sometimes I feel as though I am getting to that resentment stage, then she puts out and it’s better for a bit.

    Myself, and a lot of mates I have spoken to about this, feel like women just find it impossible to digest that men just want them to come onto us and make us feel like they love doing “it” with us!

  • anima basnar says:

    Dear writer/ mother,

    You really understand man on primal level.

    As a man it cannot be helped because we are being program by our creator that way.I don’t blame creator for this.

    This it just great.

    Man instinct always wanted to protect and provide for their blood and loved one.

  • Kitty says:

    What about relationships in which one of the members identifies as asexual? Asexual people can and do have sex and some enjoy it, but in my case, I do not. I have no interest in having sex and will decline if someone else initiates. My boyfriend is not asexual. He understands my sexual orientation, only occasionally tries to initiate sex, and will never force the matter, but I’m worried that this will get to him in the long-term. We both make sure that we spend time together talking, kissing, cuddling, etc. so it isn’t like we are not intimate at all, but will this meet his emotional needs? This isn’t something I’m willing to compromise on (I will not give him false, insincere consent), but I don’t want to ruin our relationship either.

  • Joan of Arc says:

    So what does a woman do if sex doesn’t make her feel loved but makes her feel more disconnected?
    Been married for 35 years and have been having regular sex the whole time. As the years go by, the sex makes me feel worse and worse to the point that I am depressed for a full day after we have sex and dread our next encounter.
    How can sex make a man feel so loved and make a woman feel so unloved? Making sex a priority has made my passion disappear. I’m beginning to build up negative association with sex.

    • Spain of Frank says:

      That’s not normal, better see a mental doc!

      • Elsa says:

        Don’t need a doc to understand this. Both her and her man have neglected her emotional needs. But I don’t blame you, you look rather young, but just don’t tell women these things anymore.

      • Normal Reaction says:

        Actually, that sounds like very normal reaction to having sex often when you aren’t emotionally up for it. I believe the term is Sexual Aversion.

        It often happens in long term relationships where the man is expecting or demanding sex more often than the woman is up for and she goes along with it anyway. Over time, she will come to dread having sex with her partner because she isn’t getting any positives from sex only resentment that she has to keep giving when she isn’t into at the time.

        She doesn’t need a mental Doc, she needs a non demanding husband.

  • Anthony says:

    I came across your website/blog today. Your writings are astute and bravely expressed. I am 59, married to the same lady since the late 1970’s.
    We have on average some form of sexual intimacy around 3-4 times a year since 2000, most of which is pretty average. I don’t ask, hint, suggest anymore. Who wants to be rejected. Before I begin to sound like a loser. Let me say that apart from this sexless issue which is an enormous frustration much of the rest of my life is pretty good. I am reasonably good looking, told I look I my late 40’s often, eat healthy and attend a gym regularly. I have no problems with getting hard.. I adore a woman’s body and have a reasonably good idea how to have satisfying sex with a woman. I love passion and intimacy. I think of sex often each day. I am finding it hard to feel emotionally connected with her. We are good friends and laugh a lot together. Sadly what I want right now is a secret friend for sex who has the same unmet needs. The trouble with this idea is that is the total opposite of my personal values. Basically I am trapped. I have 4 choices. Leave her. Accept my sexless marriage. Fix the problem. Find a lover. I am open to suggestions.

    • canim says:

      I felt the pain while reading what you wrote there and it stayed with me. And I feel even more pain on the thought of you finding a lover. I am glad, though, about your values. Hang in there. The first thing that came to my mind as a suggestion was why not first try to fix the problem and if it doesn’t work then leave? I hope you will not find a lover. I don’t believe that is a healthy and dignified way to deal with this situation. Take care.

      • canim says:

        P.S. If you have an unmet need, as it seems you do, get it met, but do so in a beautiful and dignified, honest way. Love

    • Marc Alone says:

      This is exactly how I feel although I’m not married. Yet marriage, to me, is besides the point. I’m with a woman I love and that is as good as any ring. Yet, like you, I feel the crushing disappointment and rejection you feel every time she refuses sex with me. It’s a hard feeling too describe, but you’ve hit out on the head. I can identify with everything you’ve said here.

      I think it may well be mismatched sex drives in both of our cases. Yet this wasn’t the case at the start of my relationship and I wonder if you can identify with that too? I wonder if many women understand what a lack of sex after a relatively fulfilling sex life feels like? Because I think if they did, there would be less cheaters in the world. You and I are a dying breed. The faithful, I mean. Don’t cave in. You’ll get through it. And if not, perhaps – as much as it pains you – it may be time to move on. Difficult to hear, but there’s still time.

  • Kellen says:

    Hi I’ve been with my girlfriend for 3 years, 2 of those being long distance and then this last year being together in the same city. Everything was going fine until late spring where there was a drop in intimacy, granted she hasn’t been the most intimate type and I understood that from the get go but we still had amazing sex. I believe a big indicator as to her drop in libido was when she wasn’t into oral as much anymore, every now and then I would give her oral but she’d prefer penetration 90% of the time. I figured it might just be a preference thing but hell I may just be aloof. Despite the difficulties I rode things out until the other week (a few months later) where I found out (accidentally coming across her diary word document) she had a crush on an older coworker. I just let it pass because she didn’t cheat and I understand attraction is a natural thing and me coming across that should have never happened as it infringes on her privacy. There was a point in the summer where we almost broke up because she felt like she wasn’t able to pursue herself and interests but at the same time she said she was deeply in love with me and was essentially at a crossroads but felt that her love was still strong and worth it. We had a good few weeks of great sex but recently she came back from a family vacation the other week and she just seems out of it intimately. We had the worst sex last night and it really hurt me but I didn’t tell her that. I love this woman like none other, I know she has many insecurities that she wants to change about herself but I want to shine the light on her greatness and show her how she’s special to me and others around her. I’m at a crossroads and all I want to do is just rekindle the flame.

  • Keith Daniels says:

    So what do you do when you have had sex with your girlfriend and now she wants to stop having sex until marriage because she feels convicted for religious reasons. The wedding is 8 months away. I have been married and I am use to having sex on a regular basis but she has not. We seem to have sex when she wants to a times but not when I would like it. I am beginning to feel like the guy this article talks about, but I truly lover her and don’t want to feel that way. What should I do

    • Ben says:

      Wait until after marriage and the baby comes. We got pregnant right away in our marriage as soon as she found out she was pregnant sex stopped.Been 18 months and counting,I ll take 8 months bro.

  • Anthony says:

    Hello, my name is Anthony and I have been going through this with my girlfriend. My girlfriend and I have been together for 6 months now and so far nothing of sex.

    She told me what happen to her when she was young and I understand the reason of why she didn’t want. I told her I’ll give her time and she ask for time.

    Sometimes I want to have sex but I face the reality what she went through at her young age has affected her. I try not to pressure her but at times I want to but I know what the answer would be.

    Sometimes I feel neglected and I get bit sad about it. I try to control my needs but its a bit hard she wants to meet her needs but I feel like she doesn’t want to meet mine.

    I just want to know what can I do?
    I don’t want to follow the path of other guys that cheat. I love my girlfriend and she feels the same for me but what can I do.

    • mike says:

      My advice is to leave. Either she really does gave some past issues and she always will or she’s making it up as an excuse and always will. She wants you to be everything she wants but doesn’t want to have to give what you need. Split now or split late. It only gets harder and more complex the longer you are together. I thought I could help my girlfriend. 20 years of marriage and constent trying later I finally got it…There is no fix. There’s tempory acceptance which gets you a little further along and there is trying which gives you hope but if you want fulfillment in your relationship find someone else.

    • Jay says:

      Mate run in the opposite direction for as long as u can. If u have been together for 6 months and u get sex never. It ain’t gonna get more abundant. This is the stage where she should be pulling u into bed without even asking!

  • Anette says:

    Hi Renee,

    Thank you for the great job you are doing. I hope there will be more feminine woman in the world 🙂
    The thing I wanted to ask about is what to do if my man does not want to make love? He always says he is tired and has does not have a feeling to have sex.
    We are habing a tough time at the moment and we have both left our jobs – me because I felt I have lost myself in this kind of job and my man – he just wanted to change something in his life (he worked at this company for 20 years). The thing is that nothing has changed, he has no work, he is going to countryside to help his mother all the time, and we spend very few moments together and when I try to talk to him about this situation, he just tells me that he thinks he is not the person who is willing to have a family or children/ He is 10 years older than me and I fell in love with him some 5 years ago but nothing happened. Now this is a huge mess, I am desperate and not sure should I leave him.. 🙁

    • Jan says:

      Just wanted to let you know I loved this article…Never have I seen anything like this…but much needed read at this stage in my marriage to my partner of 26 years…

  • Matt says:

    Totally agree with this, especially point #4. Nice article.

  • Alisha says:

    An exercise that I practiced when my own sex drive was low for whatever reason, was to never say no. At first it was just for a week and every time he initiated sex, I would comply. Then it turned into a month long thing. Then it was just how I went about things when dealing with my husband and sex. If I ever feel like I absolutely cannot have sex, now he is less hurt by the rejection and more understanding. I can definitely say that it made us a stronger, closer and more communicative type of marriage. I find it empowering to be wanted by this man who I love. I also found that the more I give to him in the bedroom where he needs to receive love, the more I get from him outside of the bedroom. I would encourage any woman who loves their husband and wants to be a feminine goddess to him, try this tactic.

    • K.C. says:

      Good for you. In a marriage, we are supposed to give ourselves to one another physically. You loved your husband enough to show him.

    • Alexandra says:

      So your practice is to deny your own feelings and have sex even though you don’t really want to, like a prostitute? Yeah I’m sure over time you become numb to your own needs of intimacy. Sweetie what you do is nothing new. Women have been faking it for generations. Next!!

      • Jay says:

        Alexandra, you will end up a bitter old spinster thinking like that. Guarantee no man will stay with you or stay faithful with that selfish attitude. Alisha just articulated what a solid marriage is about. Giving and taking equally. And then u turn around and call her a prostitute because she satisfies her husband who deserves to be loved? She gets a stress free husband because he is satisfied at home and therefore probably does anything she asks no matter the lengths he has to go to for her because he knows she does not reject the simplest form of giving to him.

        You really just sounded like a total bitch…

    • Mike Jones says:

      smart lady!

  • Pride says:

    These are points to be noted to women who are treated right by their men but treat their men less then satisfactory….. Time to step it up or lose him. Honestly though if some of you had a partner that was just like you it wouldn’t last a week.

  • Baldivia says:

    Hmm is anyone else having problems with the images on this blog loading? I’m trying to determine if its a problem on my end or if it’s the blog. Any feed-back would be greatly appreciated.

  • Amy says:

    I never deprived my husband of sex, in fact it was the opposite! We only had sex, intimacy, interaction among ourselves once in 46 years. He hated sex from our wedding till now! he thought it was disgusting, vile, not worth the energy and time and wanted him to throw up. Day after we were married he moved to the basement and has lived there all these years, also he worked the midnight shift all these years. He was never home for holidays, weekends, nothing He had no interest in me nor our parents. His life was all about him and no one was allowed into his life. We are much older now and I’m tired of depression pills and shrinks, all men. There just animals who think they are perfect and never care.

  • ste says:

    First of all great article, posts,replies and I will be talking in general because it everything mostly falls under one category and most of these issues could have been prevented or resolved easily.As myself I have been struggling with these issues lately and it came to me that our sexual communication was diminishing thus we both did not know how we were sexually feeling at the moment.Communication is the key. If you realize that something is bothering you and you don’t tell your partner about it is not going to resolve itself. The longer you abstain the more difficult it will become to tell and consequently your feelings will start accumulating. We may be the most intelligent & advanced living being in this world but once our feelings take over we become a completely different character based on those feelings. Said that don’t expect anyone to be a mind reader so speak out your feelings any time and don’t be afraid too because it might be inappropriate or it will change your image on you about other people. This basically applies to anything from friendships , relationships, family , sex , work… anything is expressed trough communication because it is the only really way we can explain someone what is going on and not by getting angry and yelling/swearing. That is just the way around to temporarily liberating the feeling that is keeping your from whom you really are and it will come back again if the issue is not addressed. So basically what I really mean is all of you who posted their problems here just take them and make them up into words sit down with your love and tell them to her. Don’t get me wrong it might work or not, they might get angry or not , but at least you hit the start button and from now on you will see where it goes. Most of you will be surprise to find out that your partner had no idea how you are feeling and if they react negatively maybe it’s not you then maybe it’s just them who don’t know what they really what, if they really love , if they really like you for who you are and never expect people to change their character and the way they are as an old Italian proverb says “Il lupo perde il pelo ma non il vizzio” which translate to “The wolf can lose its fur but not its bad habits”. I hope this will help any readers and I would like to point out that with this technique we take so much for granted if practiced right it can help you out throughout your whole life . I haven’t had fights with any friends or families in a long time simply because I expressed myself and they understood.

  • Falan says:

    I both liked & disliked this article. I mean, the sexual problem between a man and woman can also be determined by the situation the couple is in. I know men need and want sex a lot, but he hours bother his significant other like Every single day asking for it. I don’t feel that daily sex would be healthy. I would feel like that’s what the entire relationship was based on, instead of love, respect, etc. also, I believe some women change after having a baby. I recently had one, got birth control, & ever since then my desire to have sex has gone waaayyyy down. Idk if that’s a problem with my BC, a post partum issue, or normal, but that’s how I feel. This article Did help me understand a lot though! It described some activity in our relationship exactly. I just wish I had bed answers to “MY SIDE” of this.., I’m not understanding right now. How can I give him sex while I’m not wanting it? I don’t want to feel like blow up doll to my man….

  • Benice says:

    haha, sorry guys not Shad but user “found my love” – sorry ’bout that

  • Benice says:

    the previous comment was meant for Shad

  • Benice says:

    You should go see a therapist about YOUR issues with sex and with your body. Oh my soul, you’ve got so many criteria as to how and where he can touch you. How he YOU want him to have sex with you etc etc. . I don’t get it. He wants YOU so, what is wrong with this scenario? I think you need to stop being so selfish and picky about sex. Maybe you just dont love him!? I really dont get it. You complain about him not being a “bad boy” (hahaha – girl, grow up), being touched and everything else in between. If you REALLY LOVE someone – hairs on his chest (OMG – like that is some of the features that distinguishes a man from a woman), morning breath whatever DOESN’T and SHOULDN’T make you not want him anymore. My man is hairy, manly and I love him for who he is. Thats my advice to you. Change your attitude or get out of this relationship because clearly you have hang ups with almost everything about him ~ jeez

  • Benice says:

    Hi All

    I don’t understand some of these women and the reasons for them being turned off when their man clearly WANTS THEM. I mean, if a man cheats on you and says “nasty”?? things like “suck my d***” to other women then fine, but if he says that to you, touches you, wants you then what, may I ask is YOUR problem??? I am a woman who constantly have to innitiate sex. I feel loved and wanted when the man in my life wants to have sex with me and I believe that its me not him, who has a very high sex drive. my man and I connect emotionaly and he is my best friend, the one who makes me laugh and the one who makes me happy however he says he “prefers” mornings but, wont wake me up to make love to me, turns me down if the time or day of week isn’t early evening and wont do it during weekdays. I basically feel like I am a beggar begging for sex in my relationship. This to me is very frustrating and to be honest, I have thought about cheating on him or even finding myself a guy that wants sex and someone who wont turn me down, someone who WANTS me whenever the mood arises and who wont make me feel like I am begging for sex and wont deny me just because, i dont meet the “when he wants and will allow himself to have sex” criteria. BUT and this is really how I feel: I really do love him. I really do believe that he is my soulmate. Like I said, he makes me happy, he makes me laugh, he provides and cares for me, he spends his time with me – its just the sex problem we have. I require sex at least 3-4 times a week and can settle on once a week however he denies me sometimes for more than 4 weeks and then I am granted the privilage of having sex with him. Dont get me wrong, whoever wants to judge, please do so but, hell, I have GREAT simpathy with men and women who are denied sex in their relationship and who, as I, feel like a beggar, emotionally hurt already, and who feels like maybe they shouldn’t even ask anymore! That, is why most men cheat because most MEN are DENIED. Now men, here’s one lady out of a thousand (just guessing), sitting in the same boat with you. And for anyone who feels offended, I really do appologize, I dont condone cheating but, I can understand why some do cheat because believe me, if a person feels like a beggar, not wanted and sexually frustrated (that has a BIG part in Emotional frustration) then you dont feel loved (in that sense) anymore. I think that all these women complaining about men wanting to make love to them should go take a good look at themselves to realise that they might be the problems in their relationship!!! Are there any men who’d like to give me advice on this? I have tried dressing up sexy (this will draw his attention, he would look at my legs etc . . . 😉 and even sometimes comment on how sexy I look however will sometimes (most times) tell me how tired he is and “sorry, not tonight”. He sometimes even turns dow BJ’s – is this normal? LOL – I would think that ANY man with a woman who’s got a good sex drive would be thanking his lucky stars (considering all the posts I’ve read thusfar (women complaining about her mans sex drive)!!!! LOL so, any advice would really help. Thanks

    • K.C. says:

      I agree. If someone isn’t compatible and you can’t live with it, then please don’t waste their or your life by trying to make it work. If there’s no chemisty, it’s pointless and painful.

    • Ben says:

      Well said Benice, thanks for sharing.I hope you find true passion in your life.I to hate feeling like a begger especially since that hasnt even worked.I told my wife and hopefully we can work things out.I have agreed to counseling maybe that will help.I mean we havent even been married two years.When we were trying to get pregnant all the time.The day she found out she was pregnant stopped.I feel like a sperm donor/roomate.I have thought about cheating but thats not the kind of guy I want to be.We do have a beatiful little girl so trying to make things work.

  • shad says:

    This is great advice, I want my girlfriend to read this. I dont know if she has a low sex drive or what but she always tells me how handsome I am and how she really likes my body and whatnot, but shes never into sex.
    she will say she wants sex all day when we are out and about and that as soon as we get home its on, but then when we get home she makes excuses until she falls asleep on the couch early, usually like 8 or 9 pm. Then the next day its the same thing again.
    I feel bad because I get frustrated and kinda resentful because she is VERY attractive and I tell her that and how much I love her all the time. Its hard to look at your VERY attractive girlfriend all day and have her get you all excited just to be let down time after time. We were together for a year, then I broke up with her because the sex was only once a month, even though it was about 5 times a week at first, it slowly dwindled down. We were broken up all summer, we hooked up a few times because she was all into sex again. Eventually she convinced me to get back together with her and the sex was frequent at first, but its been about 5 months and its drying up again. It just seems like falling asleep on the couch is more important to her, which makes me feel unwanted and unattractive. Ive tried everything you could think of from being romantic to giving her some space, nothing works, and Im not sure how long I can do this. Im a 30 year old man with an active sex drive, and I just want to feel that connection with her again. I dont know why im complaining here, I feel bad because I was cold with her this morning because she promised me sex all weekend but we havent had sex for 2 weeks. I guess I just needed to vent.

    • K.C. says:

      Tell her she’s hurting you. I know you want her, but if she keeps doing this to you, she’s not attracted to you enough, or she’s not into sex. Give it a little more time, and if you just can’t stand it, get out. There will be a woman you wants you.

  • FoundMyLove says:

    this is a great article. it really helped me understand how men think about sex. my boyfriend explained this to me as well…he is an AMAZING boyfriend, by the way. The problem is…. I haven’t been wanting to have sex with him lately. In the beginning, hot sex all the time. And we have great sex when we do…its just that he can’t just snap his fingers and turn me on like guys in my past has. He isn’t a “bad boy” like I’ve had in the past. But what I really mean by bad boy..is a guy that is kind of cocky and confident in himself. My boyfriend lacks that confidence. I guess his last relationship may have affected that? I don’t know.

    His love language is affection…he likes touch. I….don’t. He is VERY touchy. And it drives me crazy sometimes. He gropes my breasts, grabs my butt, smacks my butt ( Not in a disrespectful) way but HE DOES THIS ALL THE TIME. And it drives me crazy. Not only that, but I don’t like my nipples being touched except for when I’m highly aroused. So when we are having sex and he does this…it almost turns me off. I don’t know how to explain to him that I want him to be more confident. I’m lost here. The article helps a lot and I have tried my best to think from this point of view but when he goes to touching and feeling in the bed, I kind of shut down and I’m afraid he can sense that.

    I don’t know if it’s lack of physical affection because before I had to tell him that I liked when he was freshly showered and had a fresh breath. Major turnoff. He started showering more and getting rid of the morning breath before trying sex but I don’t know if it’s because he was doing that before that my sexual image of him has changed…..I”m just lost. I love a guy that knows he can get it if he wants it…. maybe I can sense that he isn’t that confident. I would’nt mind if he shaved his chest hair. He’s just so different from what I’ve dated before but he is my heart.

    This hurts me because I’m afraid of losing him or our relationship changing because I’m not giving it to him as often as he needs. Everything else is great. I just don’t like the overdosing on affection and leading up to sex. any advice?

    • Benice says:

      You should go see a therapist about YOUR issues with sex and with your body. Oh my soul, you’ve got so many criteria as to how and where he can touch you. How he YOU want him to have sex with you etc etc. . I don’t get it. He wants YOU so, what is wrong with this scenario? I think you need to stop being so selfish and picky about sex. Maybe you just dont love him!? I really dont get it. You complain about him not being a “bad boy” (hahaha – girl, grow up), being touched and everything else in between. If you REALLY LOVE someone – hairs on his chest (OMG – like that is some of the features that distinguishes a man from a woman), morning breath whatever DOESN’T and SHOULDN’T make you not want him anymore. My man is hairy, manly and I love him for who he is. Thats my advice to you. Change your attitude or get out of this relationship because clearly you have hang ups with almost everything about him ~ jeez

    • Adele says:

      I think you’re just not attracted to him. Don’t force yourself.

    • Josh says:

      Have you told him what you like and don’t like? Most men want to please their partners but they aren’t mind readers.

    • K.C. says:

      You’re clearly not attracted enough to this man and you are denying it to yourself. Be truthful with yourself and get out of this relationship. You’re hurting this man and yourself. It’s a waste of time. I was in a marriage for 12 years to a man I really wasn’t physically attracted too. I tried to blame him for not wanting me more, but honestly, when I look back, I wasn’t attracted to him on a deep level and it started spilling out into our relationship. I’m divorced now and we are great friends. But that’s all it should have ever been.

  • Joan says:

    I have a question that other women probably can relate to.

    Why does he want to have sex after a huge fight?

    I’m tired, exhausted, hurt and still angry, and so is he, I assume. We haven’t talked or worked it out yet. Then he gets grabby and I’m confused.

    Is this his way of working it out?

    • Anna says:

      Hi Joan, I have to laugh at this, because it’s so true. I think it’s his way of mending the fences. During a fight, a man might feel like there is a gap between the 2 of you, and he might feel remorseful after that, and apologetic. Like Renee said above, sex is one of the main ways men get their needs for love and connection met. After a fight, a man might feel distant from you and unloved. So he wants to close the gap. He wants to feel close to you again. I take it as a sweet thing.

    • Benice says:

      Yes, it is his way of showing you that he loves and still wants you and “make up sex” is great anyway

    • Adele says:

      He likes the make up sex. Maybe he likes the idea of having power over you and screwing you into submission. Stand your ground if you don’t feel like having sex after a fight.

  • Beautiful One says:

    I really appreciate the points you made in this article, Renee. I agree with what you are saying and would LOVE feedback from men and women who agree with this article but struggle to have a healthy sex life. I want to say that I date great men and the IDEA of meeting my man’s sexual needs is fine with me. However, actually doing it in my last relationship – I couldn’t. It is true that we lost connection more, but we were already not connected enough for me to keep meeting his sexual needs in the first place. Sex was done COMPLETELY in sacrifice for 2 years. He was a very nice and dutiful man who treated me like a queen. However, he did not groom his body, he dressed very bum like after work, and he would grow wild hair everywhere and leave it. He was sqishy all over instead of on the firm side(I am not a fitness freak)and he f*cked like a porn video doggy style ALL of the time in stead of making love. I don’t mind some aggression but I feel like I have NEVER had intimate sex with him. I did have lots of non intercourse affection, however. But, when affection led to sex, it is like he switched into performance mode following a standard routine and I could have been any woman. I experienced NO satisfaction from that at all but he would congratulate himself on his performance and be proud that he ‘gives me what I like.’ If I had bad sex with him long term, he would count that as affection and then not give me any non sexual affection. Ongoing sexual intercourse meant that ongoing affection ceased. I had to not have sex to get affection. I know he needed more sex – just as I needed more lovemaking. However, he is so disconnected and checked out from me during sex that he doesn’t comprehend the concept of affectionate love making sex. He would ask me what I wanted sexually (when he had a full erection ready to go), but he could only hear and process scripted step by step instructions and complete them as a task. Connection isn’t scripted. He would just quickly rush through the steps I told him I needed for about 90 seconds and then go to his LOOOOONNNNGGGG porn movie like routine. He was proud that he could last a long time (which made the disconnection and frustration seem endless for me). Then the next time he figured ‘I know what to do from last time.’ He would do exactly the steps from before (which ignored and filtered out intimate connection)and feel like he was a great lover because he did what I wanted. He totally didn’t but felt he did so I just couldn’t keep having sex with him. He released but I was left empty – nothing got filled in me. I miss him, but how can a woman show up like that sexually year after year for a man who is a bad lover?

    • Benice says:

      You also have a LOT of issues – grow up. Maybe he needs a better woman than someone who wants to change him and someone who doesnt love him for him. Love is not about the how someone looks on the outside!!! and to be that shallow makes YOU ugly. A woman can help her man to better groom himself by suggesting a haircut, plucking of ear and nose hairs etc and ussually if a man feels loved and wanted in a relationship he will most likely do this automatically however, if you really love someone, what does being flabby or anything else matter anyway. You too will grow old and might even someday become a little flabby – my point is – SO WHAT.

    • Benice says:

      You also have a LOT of issues – grow up. Maybe he needs a better woman than someone who wants to change him and someone who doesnt love him for him. Love is not about how someone looks on the outside!!! and to be that shallow makes YOU ugly. A woman can help her man to better groom himself by suggesting a haircut, plucking of ear and nose hairs etc and ussually if a man feels loved and wanted in a relationship he will most likely do this automatically however, if you really love someone, what does being flabby or anything else matter anyway. You too will grow old and might even someday become a little flabby – my point is – SO WHAT.

  • Jack Bridger says:

    More senseless garbage by an overemotional broad. Here is some advice for you, oh dear terrible writer and logic-ridden human being:

    1. Stop writing about energy. This makes you appear delusional. Are you a liberative hippy or someone with something constructive and realistic to say?

    2. Not everything is about what you can get out of a relationship.

    Stop and put some damn thought into what you write. This is ambyssal.

    • Jennifer says:

      Renee specifically said in this article that you shouldn’t look at a relationship as what you can get from your man but rather what you can give.

      And “liberative” means “to set free”, so it seems you inadvertently complimented the person you intended to insult. Did you mean “liberal” instead? Either way, if you’ve nothing truly constructive to say, why bother?

    • Johnna says:

      Renee is THE SHIT! There ya go Miss Renee, now you can curse without remorse!!!!

      I luv ya!
      Johnna Lynn

    • Paul Abruzzo says:

      You tell her to put some thought into what she writes and then you go and use a word like “ambyssal”. I bet the irony is lost on you but I chuckled at this one for quite a bit.

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  • camilla says:

    not to be overly explicit, but lately my guy has been asking for anal. My ex-bf used to push for it and it annoyed me so much and now 2 years later my current man is doing the same thing! I’m in love with my man and can’t break up with him over it, but I’m wondering why all these guys want it so much.

    • Ifeelyou says:

      Ugh! Mine too! It’s flipping annoying! I finally gave in and it hurt like h**l. Cried my eyeballs out and he felt so bad and promised he won’t ask me again. I’m very open about sex with my man and a free giver and willing to try just about anything but, I’m with you why the back door request? What’s wrong with the front door?

      • camilla says:

        Wow, Im so sorry you went through that. Why can’t some men take no for an answer? This chauvanistic society leaves some men feeling so entitled, bordering on abusing women and us women being so overly accommodating because of our own self worth issues that come from being constantly objectified. My man watches porn and I think that’s why he wants to do it. After thinking about it, I don’t know if I can be with him because of this. I don’t feel respected. He also has asked me for explicit pictures more than once, and i sent some because he kept asking for momths, caving under the pressure, which now I see that I just don’t have to do. I will discuss my concerns with him, but Im pretty sure that this a deal breaker for me.

        I think when Renee talks about why men need sex, she is not referring to painful, humiliating requests, sexually deviant behavior and degrading requests for pictures of vag and tits.

        • Pedro says:

          Let me anwer your doubts as a man. Yes, the porn has some vague influence in that, but it’s not the only thing. Truth be told, as a man, not even I know why we want it so much. It may be related to sex if you use condoms (especially on long-lasting men, that really takes away the pleasures of normal sex), or the fact that he, although not putting it in words or even realizing it, he is starting to feel like you two are slowly drifting apart, and that is his subconcious way to erase that feeling, to ask you of something you’d only do if you really truly loved him. At least I can tell, the first time I ever mentioned anal was with a girlfriend I loved a lot yet it felt like the sex was dying out, and even though I tried everything I could think of, things didn’t seem to get better. Sorry for any grammar mistakes, English ain’t my first language

      • Abi Jaiy says:

        True love waits.

    • Abi Jaiy says:

      True love waits.

      Have self respect or he wont respect you as you have let him force you.
      A real man shouldnt ask his woman to do anything she doesnt want to do.

  • Tshifhiwa Christopher Mudau says:

    Its really simple, if you were just as beautiful and didnt have vigina.he wouldnt have married you

  • Holly says:

    Very insightful :-). I felt alot of compassion reading this.

    I actually really look forward to meeting someone in the future and sharing my whole world of thought with the right man.

    Luckily I’m in tune with my body and think sex is a great way to exercise creative energy. Most defently it’s the thing I feel the most passionate about when I think what do I want from a relationships .

    I think that I use to have an addiction to the chemicals in sex but even still it’s a fun and important part of life.

    Lol, f**k TV soaps, get in bed and make your own story lines 🙂

  • Tracy says:

    I love sex, I enjoy it, I want it…however I do not like the way my partner initiates it…
    give us a blow job/shall we fcuk/come on climb on etc are massive turn offs for me and despite telling my partner how these phrases put me off, he still says them, which makes me want to avoid sex. We do have sex several times a day, but I would want to be more active, if he made me feel more comfortable rather than just laying there dishing out demands. Every woman has a sexual beast inside her, I do believe its a mans job to find and awaken that beast, then to feed it to maintain its presence, and that’s honestly what I believe. While I was reading 50 shades I became insatiable in the bedroom, wish my bf could make me feel the way that book did x

    • James says:

      That’s your problem right there. That damn book has created a fantasy for you that you’ve built up in your mind & your man will never be able to live up too. And because he can’t, you label him as inadequate. Get off your high horse, you should be submitting to your man accepting his demands. As long as he isn’t physically abusing you, then you should accommodate him. Did you even read the article?

    • camilla says:

      Tracy, I really relate. I enjoy sex but the way my man asks for sex is so explicit.”Come and suck my d_ck” “I need your lips on my d_ck” “I wanna stick it in and f__k your puss_” And he never runs out of ways to talk dirty, i love him though and let him have his way with me most of the time. but lately he’s been asking for naked pics and different sex acts. We were friends before we started dating and I had no idea he was so horny. He also calls me at night occasionally for sex, i told him to stop and he stops for a while and then starts up again.

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  • ConfusedGal says:

    To those that say this article talks about pleasing a man and what of the other way around? Well the website is called “thefeminewoman” if you want to know how a man should please a woman perhaps you should go to a site for men, which by the way there are tons out there.

    Renee rocks!

  • OhioPatriot says:

    If a woman is already rejecting her man and not having sex with him and has to be told “don’t deprive a man of sex” the relationship is already doomed. It is like a ship that has been hit by a torpedo, it will eventually sink, it is just a matter of time.

    When a woman repeatedly rejects a man, he is going to internalize that, the resentment will grow, and eventually he will wind up with a woman who is eager to accept him.

    • Anna says:

      I didn’t realize this was such a serious issue for men. I won’t argue with you there. About the avatar, I think it is randomly selected from a computer database. I didn’t get hit with a jackpot either, but they are all kind of cute.

  • OhioPatriot says:

    I have had some conversations with friends [guy friends] that lasted for 4-5 hours. I had a friend whose sisters was going through a nasty divorce because her husband cheated on her and my friend wanted advice to forward to his sister and he wanted my help to track down hidden assets that the man might have had. I was able to track down some holding companies the man had created [while on the phone with my friend] and gave him the information.

    When men talk for hours it is not just to cry, throw a pity party, and talk about feelings. Men talk about problems, they discuss solutions, they discuss possible outcomes from pursuing each solution, different possibilities, etc. They work out scenarios, they don’t just cry to each other about their problems.

    There are about five men in the USA with whom I’ll share my problems and who will share their problems with me and come to me for advice ranging from legal advice to technical advice in electronics, firearms, outdoors, etc.

    But it greatly annoys me that a woman cannot be in a relationship with a man without all of her girlfriends knowing the size of the man’s penis, the positions he prefers.

    I don’t know what women think goes on in the guy’s locker room but most men don’t talk about how long intercourse lasts, they don’t talk about how big their woman’s boobs are, they don’t discuss any of those details. If a man is having a problem with premature ejaculation, he might talk with a close friend or consult a doctor, but they don’t share nitty gritty details about sex with their friends.

    Men have 2-3 very close friends [other men] in whom they are comfortable sharing important life details with. Women seem to have 20-30 superficial “girlfriends” in an extended/large social circle and they share details like it was going out of style.

  • kwashington says:

    I like this article.

    Mainly because my woman can have sex with me when ever she wants, but when I want it, well, it isnt always so easy.

    We have had this issue for years;

    We break up…she can still have sex with me.
    We fight…she can still have sex with me.
    We arent emotionally connected…and you guessed it. She can still have sex with me.

    Giving it to her isnt a problem as I am a very SELFLESS lover, but when I go to her ti turns into war of the worlds.

    • Anna C says:

      Hello kwashington – I certainly feel your pain, even as a woman. There are certain things I do at the drop of a hat that my man does not do if he’s in a mood… like always ready for a hug and encouragement… these are things that a woman needs to feel loved, sort of like sex for a man. I think it happens in some way to both sexes. And I think if I were to get inside a man’s shoes, this is really frustrating, and you might think it’s not fair. But maybe… just maybe 1) she does not realise she is neglecting you with sex because it’s not as intuitive to her to think this way 2) you are not communicating to her in a way she understands and relates to. Maybe say “When we make love, it makes me feel so much closer to you”? Also it is said that foreplay for a woman starts the moment you walk into the door, not when you first touch her. So that means, if you had said something insensitive to her that day, or ignored her, or criticised her, she’s not going to want to do it with you that night. I would start paying attention to how you act thoughout the day and if you do something to piss her off or make her go quiet.
      About being selfless or selfish… I believe that most of the time it is relative. My man thinks I am selfish for some things he finds intuitive (and I don’t think I’m being selfish by it) and then I think he’s being selfish for some things I find intuitive (and he doesn’t think he’s being selfish). …
      Hmm, so the point of my response is, I understand where you are coming from, but there’s 3 things you can do – 1) wait for her to understand where you are coming from (one day a lightbulb will go off) or 2) try different methods to get there until one way resonates with her to get the sex you want 3) accept that it is what it is and may never change, and it’s something you learn to live with, if this is not a deal breaker for you.

    • Anna C says:

      And the longer it takes the lightbulb to go off inside your woman’s head, the more negative associations will build up here for you… though I believe the only way to make someone change is if they want to change themselves. I’d try any way I can to make her see that sex is an important (albeit the only) form of connection for you… perhaps you can show her this article, or perhaps it might make her angry… only you know the best way to show her… but one day I do hope she sees and understand that sex means something different to you. It helps if she’s an open person or a spiritually open person, to make this connection. All the best.

      • kwashington says:

        Thanks Anna C.

        Foreplay for me starts with a simple good morning. It’s breakfast in bed, and the 2.9 million things I do to be the chivalrous, playfully corny guy that I am.

        And unfortunately, this has been going on for years. So I dont see a light bulb going off in her head, however, my tolerance for this has run out.

        Dealbreaker, yes…but in my heart says stay. I dont want to leave, or cheat…but without her ability to understand where I’m coming from, I am being pushed away.

        • Anna C says:

          kwashington – I feel that because you know this is pushing you away, and that you don’t want to leave or cheat (very applaudable), then there MUST be some way to show her. There MUST be some way to communicate this. I would start by listing all the ways you have tried to communicate this in the past to her which have failed. Then cross them off your list. Now, I would try the opposite of those things, or brainstorm new ways to get your point across. Or, here’s what works for me – tell her directly: “I know you have your reasons, and I’d like to know what they are, but whenever you reject me for sex, you push me away from this relationship. It’s just how I feel.” If you can get her to tell you why she does it, great, maybe you guys can come to an understanding that way. On a personal note, I used to read a lot of marriage books. Then my man came out and said to me directly “When I see you reading those marriage books, it pushes me away from you.” At first I was angry – why couldn’t he let me be who I am? Why can’t he see that I was doing this so that we can have a great relationship? It’s like studying finance before having a finance career. Then I realised that it was not about me, but it made him feel like less of man, because he felt not good enough, or judged. When he came right out and said that, although I was angry at first, it made me think about it, and because I loved him so much, I was able to see where he was coming from. Sometimes they need a jolt or the rug pulled out from under them for the lightbulb to go off.

        • Anna C says:

          By the way, I know what you mean about your heart saying stay in… that’s what my heart says too. Which is why, whenever I go through some really hard time, I just stay in… then I figure it out. I don’t know why my heart keeps telling me to stay in every time I get scared and want to go. But I think it all has to do with how much you like the person. What is your threshold exactly? How much are you willing to work on it and try to understand, and make her understand? Did you know, that in your grandparent’s era, people were taught to work on the relationship rather than leave? And in this day & age, it’s much less common to stay in & fix things, much more common to leave and find a better model. Just something to think about. If your heart says stay, it becomes so much more important to find a way to make her understand… to teach her these things that are important to you.

  • hmmmm says:

    what about what the men should do how bout that

  • hmmmm says:

    what about what the men should do

  • A brown says:

    The truth is man and women are made different and the more we deny this the more the relationship between man and woman breakdown you can be as sexist or as feminist as you want but the truth still stands. What is important to a woman might not be the same for the man and the same the other way round.

  • Mona says:

    Sooo true. When my husband’s mother passed away, bless her, he wanted to sleep with me that night, even though he was very upset. I was amazed, thinking how on earth can he want it in that situation. I never thought men could want sex for comfort, but it all makes sense. Im so glad I found your blog, it has already changed my life so much, and I feel the sky is the limit!

  • Fasto dion says:

    This is both controversial and interesting

  • Nico says:

    Brainwashed Christian/republican beaten down woman bs.
    In partial some of this is true- however- the word intamacy is completely overlooked. Giving a man blowjobs to keep him from cheating is the opposite of intimacy!!! Yuck.
    if that’s what ‘god wants’ I’d rather be a godless, manless woman.

    • Anna says:

      I dunno but I am a “social democrat” woman and my religion would be classified as a mix. I relate most to the Buddhist philosophy. I’ve begun to think of sex in a different way and acknowledge that men might see it in a different way than I see it, and what we think is truth might not actually BE truth. I think of blow jobs as a gift to someone I love. It’s not the blow job that is the gift, but more so the intention, love, and feeling behind it. It’s not really doing it to prevent cheating, I just see it as doing it out of love. It’s the same as when a man listens to us, I think, and when we feel he understands us. If he doesn’t, we’d be at least a little tempted to wander right? Yes I think this is a very powerful and controversial article and its unlikely most people will agree with all of it, but I’m just trying to think of it as a secret glimpse into the male mind.

      • ConfusedGal says:

        Anna you are so right. Women need to look and think of sex differently. I am also a “social democrat” like I’ve said before I got married young the first time around. Lack of sex was an issue in our marriage because of the way I was raised (in a “Christian” home where masturbation was also viewed as a “sin”) and how I viewed sex. Thank God I found a way to overcome that because sex is not an issue in my current relationship nor are blow jobs or whatever else in between. He gets it when he wants and I get it when I want.

    • River says:

      Huh? I do get how you could possibly see some aspects of this (pleasing one’s man) as being related to a particular religion or patriarchy.

      Not trying to get into religion here, but I’m an atheist and a very intelligent woman, and I agree 100% with what Renee says. Religion and its mandates for women (especially because of how they’re misused) make me spitting angry — but some things are just true. Men and women are evolutionarily and biologically different. This is a blog about understanding that and navigating the waters of difference and compassion. This IS about intimacy. I don’t think Renee is advocating women do anything to keep their men from cheating. It’s a sneak peek into men’s brains, and what they want, need, and desire, and we can do with that what we will. 🙂 If we’re loving partners, of course we’ll want to make our husbands/boyfriends happy, and they will happily return in kind. Receiving information and being given free rein to decide what to do with it isn’t brainwashing. Or Republican.

    • Riv says:

      Whaaaaat I don’t even

      I’m a liberal atheist and I am TOTALLY ON BOARD with all of Renee’s teachings. It’s all about psychology and respect. About being the adult in the situation. Someone’s gotta approach the relationship from a giving mindset first, because as humans we’re all reacting from fear and defensiveness, playing games. You DO get what you give. I think that’s the opposite of being beaten down.

      • Riv says:

        Hahaha I encountered this comment TWICE in separate perusings, and replied both times without seeing my prior comment. Guess the same stuff still riles me up.

  • Stupidbitches says:

    “however I see no expectation in the above article regarding womens’ needs and wants regarding intimacy.”
    Thats because women dont put out.
    If you would INITIATE SEX then there wouldn’t be a problem with emotional intimacy.
    over 80% of women NEVER initiate sex in marriages. NEVER.
    And this is in marriages, not in divorces.

    • Beautiful One says:

      Women don’t initiate sex because they don’t want boring disconnected porn video reenactments. The average man is not a good lover. His ego wants lots of sex while his heart is detached. There is ZERO intimacy in sex with the average American man.

  • Gchild says:

    Its alryt, i av seen d argument. Pls to avoid much argumetum ad ignorant, let d men state all d@ d need 4rm women, and women should also state all w@ d need 4rm men and then post, okay?

  • Sabine says:

    really interesting article. I think,, when a woman desires a man, she would not denie. If she does so, maybe ists not the right guy…

  • Evan petit says:

    Lols!!!! Really I enjoyed everything I read in d article.. Its seriously improving n making ma relationship blossom!!!!! Fnx kip it up…

  • Wise says:

    There a girl i love somuch but she dont regard me as the man, so im much confussed.

  • LCL says:

    Men are simply taught one thing growing up and women are taught another. (for the most part). Why does anybody question whats going on? Its clearly in our faces. Why we are the way we are is not the question. How do we fix it moving forward is what we should be asking.

  • Tom says:

    Really good article. Enjoyed it.

  • IB says:

    I agree on some points but disagree on concept of men releasing energy. It’s actually the opposite: women release it, men – fill up. Think from the point of a birth conception. From what angle are you seeing fill and release process? Both have to do their part. Both are equally responsible for an exchange. Then a woman taking the weight in it. Who is filling the need?

    Now.. It’s an old adage as if women deny sex. There more data about the reverse effect. Hard to find a man who actually would like to have sex on weekly basis. Or if there’s one, than viagra or loss of weight is needed.

  • Jean says:

    I believe that either some of the commenters who agree with the article, show characteristics of being either close minded to females’ points of view, or maybe just clueless, or maybe a part of a darker, subtle movement. I realize that I keep writing the same comments. I will eventually not write here anymore, because no matter how many of us women try to point out the imbalance and unfairness, anti-female commenters keep justifying it.

    One of the other women posters wrote that she understands it. WTF? How can you get a light turned on regarding what male supporters write, but not what the females are saying? Are you all that anti female.

    You see, women also get fed up and distant in relationships …….when our physical needs are not being met. We just do not act like spoiled kids and pout like the men do.

    When will some of you all get it ? The wives have needs too. A relationship is not about the husband’s needs being met and ignoring the wife’s needs.

  • Jean says:

    Oh, I forgot to answer one commenter who made mention about denying sex. At no time have I advocated that one partner should deny the other sex. So don’t try to make it seem like I suggested that. Don’t twist my words.

  • Jean says:

    Hello to everyone! Sometimes, I get pretty passionate in my comments. I honestly am not looking for an argument. I am looking for geniune answers and solutions to understand the imbalance in the way we treat women. I am not trying to be rude to men, it’s just that every time we turn around, there is an article from men and even my own gender-women, who have this longggggg, list of things that they want women to do to make a man happy and satisfied. I do not see articles like that for men, that tell them how to keep the woman satisfied and happy.

    So if someone can direct me to these articles that these men keep referring to, I would appreciate it and stop my fussy commenting. 🙂

    I just want respect and fairness for women, that’s all.

    And to some of the men on this blog who keep referring to age. For your information, some of the rest of us are young too. And I’m sure even those who are younger, still know how to treat the opposite gender with respect, in spite of what you see and hear from others who may be unfair and crude .

    • Lol? says:

      But that’s what I’m telling you, lol. There are MORE articles on how men should act to keep their women happy. I see no complaints on those. Men are RAISED to keep every woman in their life happy, be it mother, sister or significant other. We are conditioned to sacrifice in order to keep women happy, or at least I was raised this way. It’s only ever when men have an article on how women should treat them that the complaints start pouring in. I’m not trying to be rude. And yes, I bring up my age because I am only a teenager, i’m telling you this because the younger you are, the more different your perspective on these things tend to be. I highly doubt you are younger than me, but that’s besides the point. I know how to treated my girlfriend properly, who is 1 year younger than I am, and she in turn respects and appreciates me. I understand you are passionate about this topic, I was only offering my opinions

      • Jean says:

        There are no such articles.

        • Lol? says:

          Also, you tell me not to do what men do and bash women who stand up for themselves and you accuse me of not respecting women. You don’t know me. Some of the stuff you’ve said in here DOES seem like man hate, and I accused you of no such thing. Please, grow up.

        • Dinnerman says:

          Yes there are. Why should I even state this to you. Denying this almost well known fact is almost like denying gravity. You’re just being intellectually dishonest with us and yourself so that you can keep your argument relevant.

    • Daniel says:

      All I hear in the mainstream media is men need to understand women, how clules men are to womens needs. Do you ever hear it said how clules women are to mens emotional needs, NO! Men only want food, sex, toys and laughing they go on to the next topic. They wont begin to mention most of the issues brought up in this artical.

  • Alyssum says:

    I find it really funny that this artical talks about men having these feelings and yet says nothing about women having them. I am what you call a sex positive feminist. Look it up if you don’t know what that means. I find if I am denyed sex i too feel rejected. I need sex from my partner to feel loved and excepted. If I don’t get it I start thinking I’m not pretty enough. It’s funny because I think the description of the man fits me rather well and I am all woman. I don’t like asking for sex and I lagitamaly want it. Not to solve all my problems or mask over a deeper hurt witch i think is a degrading steriotype placed upon very sexual women but just because its the most obvious way I know to show how much I love someone and to get that love in return. It makes me feel damn good. It makes me feel needed excepted loved not to mention it feels good on a physical level. I show my love in other ways including cooking cleaning and cuddling. But all of these things I do for me just as much as I do them for my partner and at the very core of that is sex I have a lot of passion and I want to show it as often as possible.

  • Dexter says:

    I have a great sex life, I don’t withhold sex from my partner, he does not withhold sex from me. We have always had a sexual commitment too each other. Even if one of us is not in the mood we oblige one another. I feel sorry for men and women that are not having a sexually active lifestyle. I feel sorry for men that are frustrated and I feel sorry for women that use sex as a tool, it’s sad.

  • harvey says:

    Good article. Renee understands how men feel. Nothing to do with women being subservant meatholes: some pple didn’t get it at all! – Too bad for them; for they are missing the point entirely. Thanks Renee

    • Jean says:

      No Harvey, you are the one who did not get it. Why do you think that women do not take favorably to these type of articles?

      Any man with any sense would react the same way, if one of his fellow males, wrote such unfair comments about his own gender. Some, even many men act all arrogant and righteous when unfair writers produce these imbalanced and unfair articles that exalt and coddle you. What decent, compassionate writer would do this to their own gender without writing one from the other angle? Do women haters actually think that every woman is stupid? Do you actually think that all of us will keep our mouths closed? Do you men not want women to be treated the same way that you expect for us to treat you?

      I am not attacking the writer, but I do challenge all these anti female, people who continue to scold and demean us, but never scold males. Negative comments from people who do not respect females, gives impressionable young females a lot of confusing messages. This must stop. We should not be giving the young girls the idea that they should deny their happiness and well being, while exalting and coddling the men in their lives. No female is validated by a male. Females are important human beings just as they are. Females are vital and needed. Females should not allow themselves to believe otherwise. In fact, females would almost come out better if we just avoid men altogether, what with all you anti females write about and expect of us. What do we get from males, from men. We get nothing but a lot of put downs and demeaning behavior from men. What are men willing to do for us. It must work both ways.

      So now you all see why I cannot sit back and allow this to be written about females without commenting. I cannot allow these young girls who are watching us and listening to us, to believe that a woman is to deny her comfort and happiness and exalt and satisfy a man when he is not exalting and satisfying her. These huge injustices to women cannot go unchallenged. And harvey, you had the nerve to write that we do not understand men. Well Harvey, it is men who do not understand women.

      where are the articles that are written in women’s defense? Do you actually believe that all of us women are brainwashed and afraid to speak up? I may be the only woman who is brave enough to challenge all you women haters, but I will not allow your name calling to stop me……….so disappointed in Renee and her article.

      • Lol? says:

        Never expect to just be loved and adored for who you are without having to put any effort and sweat in to anything. We are all enough – but you can never, ever – expect to have and keep the man of your dreams or to have a passionate lifelong, loving relationship where you’re worshipped and adored by your man for life if you do not give to him.

        It seems as though this is exactly what you expect. “I want to cuddle with you and have you hold me.” Of course, I, as a man (though admittedly only 19) love doing that with my girlfriend. It just seems to be that, perhaps subconsciously, you ARE being biased, putting more weight on what the female wants than what the man wants. It should be equal. Girls should NOT withhold sex from guys as punishment, just as men should NOT ignore her and not give her attention when he is upset for whatever reason. It goes both ways, it’s not all about men and it is certainly not all about women. Many girls these days think they can stand there and look pretty and men will come to them and worship them and give them what they want. Perhaps some men will, but real men will not.

        • Jean says:

          That shows how well you did not read my comment, because if you had read it each and correctly,, you would have not come up with the understanding that you seem to have gotten.

          Sorry to burst your bubble, but what you wrote is exactly what my comment was about. Next time, read my comment before you do the automatic thing that you men do, and that is automatically get in the scold mode to any female who writes in defense of her gender. Golly!!!!

        • Pffft.. Men says:

          @Jean @lol?: I dunno, lol? I think you’re just trying to say that it’s up to both parties to make it work and to understand each other, which is what I think too. My only issue is this article and what I, from my experience and knowledge on the subject, know to be true/untrue about the male and female psyche. Read my other comments – I’m not a crazy feminist but I disagree with a lot of what is said here, or that it’s not the entire truth; at least not for most of us. This article is offensive and I feel strongly about defending most of us women (I say most because not all agree with me).

          Also, I understand where you’re coming from too, Jean, but you know that posting the same extreme essay comments is going to make guys want to argue with you and call you names, whether they mean it or not they’re probably just enjoying stirring the pot. If you want to stay here and stand up for people, just focus on actually debating people’s opinions – not just typing 50 paragraphs of the same material in a fit of rage. He was agreeing with you – your words (a man, too!) – and you’re STILL having a go at him. What more do you want?

      • Lol? says:

        Well Harvey, it is men who do not understand women.

        where are the articles that are written in women’s defense? Do you actually believe that all of us women are brainwashed and afraid to speak up? I may be the only woman who is brave enough to challenge all you women haters, but I will not allow your name calling to stop me……….so disappointed in Renee and her article.

        Very well, I’ll leave it at that. I just turned 19 so forgive me if I “Dont understand women.” You just seem to have a subconscious bias against men. If the same article had of been written about a female, you wouldn’t have had a problem with it, is all I am saying.

  • Leonel says:

    This is why things ended with my previous girlfriend.
    I loved her very very much, I think more than any other girl I’ve known.
    But one and a half year with no sex was just too much.
    She was used to guys just using her for sex and never speaking to her again once they got what they wanted from her.
    So she wanted our relationship to be special, I guess she just tried too hard.
    Now she’s back to where she started, guys doing the same thing again, just using her for sex and leaving her.
    Now she wants me back, but I don’t want to, I feel betrayed somehow, is hard to explain.
    She gave them what she wouldn’t give me for a year and a half !!!
    I feel devastated 🙁

  • Lola says:

    The people who complain about this article, are the same ones who
    complain about sexual harassment: ugly & fat people. Good read. X

    • Pffft.. Men says:

      Haha okay babe. I’m neither of those things, but would rather not post photos and reveal my identity. But that’s fine, everyone’s allowed to have their opinion. Just because its not the one you’re looking for doesn’t make that person fat, ugly, stupid or any of those things. Name calling is for losers. Just voice your opinion on the subject… Not on the people giving theirs.

      • Lol? says:

        Okay, fair enough. I’m still in my teens so maybe I don’t look at it the same way grown ups do, I just feel that, in my experience, there are tons and tons and TONS of articles on how to pleasure women and make them feel good and men never complain about it. It’s ‘Okay, sweet, thanks.’ But women have to nit pick and correct and complain on nearly EVERY article that is FOR men. I’m not trying to sound sexist, but it just seems that way to me. You don’t seem like a feminist man hater, you want women to not have to do anything they dont want to and that’s perfect, they shouldnt. Was just expressing what I usually see. My girlfriend is wonderful and thank god, does not deny me sex lol. But she is also well taken care of, so never fear :-] Thanks for the reply!

      • Lol? says:

        I am realizing perhaps that I am somewhat bias for my male colleagues, but Im not trying to be. Relationships are about both contributing the same amount, with perhaps the guy doing a little more because it is the gentlemanly thing to do. I admit, I only skimmed over the 5 points in this article, but nothing anti female jumped out at me. Sorry if it seemed like I was trying to bash women

  • Jonny says:

    Im amazed at how well a female can understand a mans emotions. Im a man, and after reading this understand myself a little bit better! Thanks so much for the thoughts!

  • HA! Its dirty woman that make all these problems more real! says:

    I think the latter kate.
    No offence but think we’v all come across girls like you. Thanx 4 ur honesty but u do reasilse (2 me atleast) u really do come across like a ho so funny u thought perhapes u could make a good prost.. Sorry but perhapes that is so. It seems like by the way you talk you not that into the sex not for any other reason then your a little player who uses men to boost your already big ego. Which is probably why u dont have a relationship but openly skrew around with people who do! Its people like u who help keep women at a degraded level. U probably have never had a long,meaningful relationship in your life for the clear simple fact that men see you for the easy piece of meat you are.
    Sorry just had to say something. Nasty.

    • Jean says:

      Who are you addressing?

    • Kate says:

      Hahahah, yes I would come across as an ‘easy peice of meat’, with a massive ego! In fact I have had 4 long term relationships, the last one lasted 10 years ending not because I am a ‘ho’ but because that person ended up being officially diagnosed with Narcisstic Personality Disorder, little to do with putting out or not putting out. And whats more I am 100% committed when in a relationship. I never even went near a man for 12 months after that one ended and have only slept with 2 men since, 2 men in 2 years is hardly a bloody player! You missed the point of how much women play a game with their man if they want to keep him happy, apparently this is what the article was about, keeping your man happy. Is it my fault that men become over excited about putting their penis inside the body of an attractive woman and how tedious it is for us to watch them ‘court’ us to ensure that we will let them, knowing full well that they want nothing else. And then they end up being a boring lover. Women have been pretending and putting up with mens advances since time began, a little truth really does sting doesnt it? I have no idea if you are a man or a woman, but good grief you have made a savage judgement.

      • cathy says:

        ‘ Is it my fault that men become over excited about putting their penis inside the body of an attractive woman and how tedious it is for us to watch them ‘court’ us to ensure that we will let them, knowing full well that they want nothing else’………Are you serious? I just dont relate to this…MOST men(not all of course) I know are kind and loving and want to find someone thier attracted to and be in love with…where do you meet all these horrible men?

  • Jean says:

    I am not a troll, I am not a man hater, I am not trying to start an argument. I am just sad about the
    bad way that we treat females.

    But, I must say that I am so proud of my female comrades on this blog, who are strong and not afraid to stand up for respect and fairness for females. Women must continue to speak the truth so that the young girls coming behind us, will not give in to this subtle movement to exalt men and scold and punish females. Anti-female people, want us to join the “Worship Men Club.”

    If we are honest, we would admit that females are born with a preplanned, difficult road to follow, as it is. Seems like we could at least get society to acknowledge this, while recognizing the awesome responsibilities that are on women’s shoulders. When the anti-female people attack us all the time, it’s obvious that something evil is going on, something so powerful, that weak-minded females, succumb to it.

    In conclusion, females, please be strong. Do not allow anti-female writers and authors to sway you with their own biased opinions. Do not allow them to tell you that you are supposed to apologize to men, worship and exalt men, brag on men, please men who do not respect you, accept threats to cheat on you. You are not validated by any man, not your dad, or your husband, or your boyfriend. It is okay to love a man, but love yourself FIRST!! You are a valid human being, made by the most High God. Love yourself, respect yourself and love others too!!

    • Lol? says:

      Where do you get off that this article is such a bad thing? There are 15 billion articles about “How to give your girl a better orgasm” And “What women want in their men.” What’s so bad about this article? Because it is FOR men? Are we not allowed to be pleased also? You seem as though WOMEN ought to be worshiped and praised, but as soon as an article comes out showing women what men want, it’s “ohhhh but what about us? What about what the women want?” There was nothing Anti-female at all in this article. You’re victimizing yourself, like so many other women do, when it is completely unecessary

  • Jean says:

    @ AC See, just like men want to be understood, women want to be understood too. Is it that hard for you people to see your bias and unfairness? Just like a man wants sex, a woman wants the caressing, touching, and cuddling. Women are not like men. We do not have the same desires. We DO NOT THINK like men. We do not want sex ALL the time like men. Do you get it, just once? Women can and do enjoy sex, but it is not on the top of our prority list. So what?? Stop trying to make women have the same desires as men. We are not men. We are women !!!
    By trying to get women to put sex high on our totem poles, goes against our nature. It throws our natural balance completely off. We want to connect to our men, but we do not want sex everyday. Wouldn’t it be to the man’s benefit to listen to women, not these brainwashed women writers who are either men posing as women, or are told by their bosses to write these anti women articles. ( I am not referring to Renee)

    Now, if you men would just realize and understand that we do not have the same needs as you, then both genders can work towards a compromise and get both genders’ needs met. Otherwise, we will continue to have these back and forth battles online.

    Anyway, I really don’t get where all these anti women writers are popping up from. Now, if only we can get Renee to defend women for once. Makes you wonder if something fishy is going on on this blog. Hah!!

    But if brainwashed women writers, continue to defend men and demean their own gender, you will continue to have women who attack you back. We refuse to let you women haters tear us down. So stop the criticism and scolding.

    • Sexless Sarah says:

      Amen! I don’t kick off every time my man fails to make me come, nor do I accept that I must screw him when not in the mood. Maybe if men were better at listening to a woman’s desires he’d actually get what he wants. We’ve all had men who made us want it more– and most of them did so by charm and charisma offensives, not by heaving themselves on top after a long day looking after kids and work And all that shit is girls have to do- heaving on top of us and expecting us to fall open and squeal with desire. Bollocks! Charm me, respect me- turn me on and you can have it. If you want to get it for less effort go pay someone else.! Rah!!! Lol xx

  • AC says:

    Look, Renee is just trying to present women (or anyone reading this article) with a different view than the one that they have in their own heads. She is honestly trying to help women see a different perspective. I’m a woman… it took me at least a few reads to entirely wrap my head around what she is saying. And it appears quite a few men have expressed gratitude that someone finally understands. And she is not saying that we women should spread ’em whenever he is in the mood, because if YOU’RE not enjoying it, and wanting it at least how much he wants it, then HE’S not going to enjoy it, and sex would be pointless. What she is saying is that… just because you might not value sex as high as say… I don’t know for me it would be training Brazilian Jiu Jitsu… or whatever you value, shoes, whatever…. it does not mean that HE values it the same way. It’s likely that he values it so much more. And a man values DIFFERENT things than a woman does. Please understand this people, but by us putting sex lower on the todempole, it’s depriving our men (in committed relationships) from an important source of intimacy that he cannot get anywhere else, nor wants to. He simply wants to connect with you and make you happy. He is not a horndog. He might seem that way, the way he drools over you sometimes lol, but he just wants to connect and show his love sometimes. I think Renee only wanted us women to try to see things from a different angle, and really listen without getting defensive, and see if what she wrote might fit what our men might be thinking…. so the next time he puts his hand seductively on your thigh, you might pause to consider what his longings might really be about.

    • Pffft.. Men says:

      I agree with everything you said, but I still don’t think that’s what the article is saying at all. It’s not telling me to maybe just think about him for once, it’s saying that he’s going to cheat on me if I don’t put out and that it’s how a man feels an emotional connection. Yeah – there might be a deeper connection when you love someone, and it means more, but my man knows I love him and appreciates all the things I do for him, whether we have sex whenever he wants to or not.

      If Renee was trying to say the same thing you are, I don’t really see it. It still seems one sided. I don’t deprive my man of sex cause I’m a feminist bitch who demands to be pampered over without giving anything back, but sex isn’t the only thing I have to give him, and the above makes me feel like its the only thing I can give my man to make him ‘happy’ and make him feel ‘connected’. I reckon men should learn to talk to their girlfriends more.. Why is sex always the only option?

      • man says:

        What you have to understand is men and women are built different and therefore think different. You’re right men should learn to talk to their girlfriends because that is what you desire just like you should learn to meet his physical needs more because that’s what he desires. It’s all about providing what the other wants and meeting eachothers needs and wants and it’s important so one side doesn’t feel like they’re constantly giving to the other what they want but not receiving the same in return.

        • Jean says:

          Isn’t this what we women folk have been saying all along?? Women are not built like men. We do not have the same sexual needs. We are totally different. Women are scared to admit it, but it’s the truth. A bunch of thrusting of the partner’s genital, doesn’t usually do it for us, unless at the time, she is just horny. We have been trying to get men to see this, but some peeople do not seem to get it, or do not want to get it.

          Men need intercourse all the time, and they basically want it centered around their genital. Women can and do enjoy intercourse, but much of a woman’s enjoyment, satisfaction, and orgasm, will usually come from one or a combination of the following activities:

          -caressing with his hands all over her body
          -fondling of all over the chest area
          -stimulation of her clitoris
          -after or during one or more of these, stroking and thrusting will be welcome, but women need more than thrusting

  • Pffft.. Men says:

    I hate this article.

    And, it’s important to remember that women (and men) must give to their spouse in a way that their spouse can receive it! If you just give or express love to them in the way YOU think is best – but the other person doesn’t perceive love in this, then it’s very easy for that relationship to break down.

    Are you fucking kidding? So I have to let my man stick his dick in me every time he wants to feel loved? I can tell you now from my boyfrind’s mouth himself, it’s so he can feel my vagina around his penis.. That’s about it. Yeah, he loves me, but he actually just wants to have sex.

    The men you got the info off for this article are secretly giggling behind your back that you believed THIS is the reason men have sex.

    They do it mostly because they’re built to procreate. That’s their main prerogative. We’re just the sacks of flesh that carry their spawn around for 9 months.

    Again – I earn more than my bf and don’t live off him by an means – but I don’t dictate our sex life. Should I? I mean, I’m technically the breadwinner so if he’s living off me, does that make me the boss?

    Didn’t think so. It’s called compromise – the article above is basically telling women to do what their boyfriends want them to sexually – otherwise we’re not being fair.

    Fuck that.

  • mary says:

    Wow… after reading this article it seems to me that women should satisfy men no matter what even if they are not getting the attention they need. This article suggests that women should try to put themselves in a mans shoes but not vice versa. I’m sorry but if a woman is expected to try to understand how a man feels then I believe a man should TRY to understand how a woman feels sometimes, too. We all know that men connect through sex but women need to feel a connection or bond before having sex. I’m not saying all men are like this but men need to stop hiding behind the “men are wired differently” reason and start trying to understand women more. No one wants to feel like a doormat or house/sex slave.

    • What? says:

      Wtf? Who wrote this and what experience do they have in an ‘equal relationship?’

      Now I feel like if I don’t have sex with my bf, I don’t love him and that sex is the ONLY WAY I can make him happy.

      How about when I’m just having sex with him to ‘make him happy’? I feel uncomfortable, disgusting and like I’m having sex against my will… So this is what makes my man happy? I highly doubt it.

      I think I’m just not going to get married if I have to constantly have sex when I don’t want to for the rest of my life.

      I can’t believe all men are THAT bad… Or the ones that aren’t can at least control themselves… But I guess most men DO think with their dicks. Most of my ex boyfriends were sex fiends. I wish some guys just didn’t have blinders on.


      wish my boyfriend could say something to me that WASN’T a sexual connotation, sexual advance, or something that LEADS to sex, but that’s what happens to me at least 5 times a day, every day.

      • cathy says:

        WOW…I just havnt had this experience with men at all! My boyfriends didnt want sex that often….now that Im single i get quite a lot of attention…get told i am very attractive ….kiss a lot of boys…but it doesnt seem to go anywhere…i would LOVE to have wild passionate sex but I dont seem to get many offers…reading these stories that men want sex all the time doesnt ring true for me…..???

        • cathy says:

          Here is a confession: I am a dude, and sometimes I don’t want to have sex. For good reasons, or no reasons at all. It just depends.
          I know that’s not actually shocking, but bear with me here, because that is somehow still a radical thing to admit. It’s still the default assumption about men, still casually reinforced basically every day. And women explicitly get told that it’s true, by men, even when they’re asked directly. Here’s just one recent example, from Cosmopolitan‘s “Ask Him Anything” column, in response to a question about why a woman’s husband wants to do it the moment they check into a hotel room anywhere: “Guys pretty much want sex no matter where they go – work, the mall, funerals, etc,” the “Him” who writes the column says, before explaining that a hotel room is just a part of that endless chain.
          Now, there are a whole bunch of reasons why her husband may want to have sex right away when they check into a room, but here’s the thing: None of those reasons have anything to do with my dick, or anybody else’s. So why do we constantly get dragged into it when someone is talking about the male sex drive like it’s a universal constant? And who gets screwed over by this really shallow understanding of male sexuality?
          The second question is easy to answer: If you had “Men, and everybody who has sex with men” in the pool, then go collect your prize. (It’s the possibility of a less fucked-up sex life.)
          The answer to the first question, though, is complicated. Virility is prized in most cultures, through most time periods. People also learn about sex, and the male sex drive, during their teen years, and it’s likely that a fella is going to be hornier in his teen years than he is as he matures — so people who have sex with men, and the men themselves, tend to base their idea of what men’s attitudes about sex are based on what they exhibit during those years. In other words, this isn’t strictly a product of marketing that benefits from treating every social interaction as an understood agreement that a woman’s value on her ability to give men boners, or a culture that portrays the ideal of version as a perpetual adolescence. But once you factor those things into it, hoo boy.
          What you end up with when you add all of those things up is a world in which just about everybody is confused about sex and feels like they’re doing it wrong. So much of the sex dynamics between men and women expects women to be chaste, and men to win sex as a prize. And what kind of man doesn’t want to get a prize all the time?
          That’s the sort of question that makes this stereotype so destructive to men (and, by extension to women) — when it’s agreed upon as a society-wide given that part of being a man is wanting sex constantly, then there’s a lot of pressure to meet that, in order to prove — to others, to yourself — that you are, in fact, a real man.
          Maybe that means writing in advice column that all men want to do it all the time, even at a funeral. Maybe that means pressuring your wife to have sex with you every time you check into your hotel room. Whatever it is, it’s a real pressure. Like, even while I’m writing this, I’m anticipating comments suggesting that my problem is just that I can’t get it up and there’s something wrong with me. The editors may well have to remove a parenthetical “but I totally get awesome boners, for real” that I feel compelled to sneak in here to clarify.
          And when that pressure is put on men, that pressure ends up on anybody who has sex with men, too. It’s on the woman whose husband wants her to go for it the second they walk into a hotel room, but it’s also on the woman who is with a guy who’s not getting hard when they’re getting intimate. If a man is supposed to want it all the time, and he doesn’t want it when he’s with her, then there’s something wrong with at least one of them. Either he’s failing as a man, or she’s letting him down. A lot of the time, they probably both end up feeling like shit.
          Which is the point of continuing to talk about this stereotype, even though most people, if they stop to think about it for a minute can probably recognize is inherently stupid: “All men” don’t want anything. “All men” won’t agree on anything at all, especially not something as personal, complicated, or idiosyncratic as sex, and the notion that we might is absurd. Some guys want to have sex more often than others. Sometimes even guys who want to have sex a lot of the time aren’t into it for whatever reason. There’s nothing wrong with any of that.
          It should be obvious, but somehow it isn’t. As long as men keep pretending like they can speak for everyone — when they may well not even be speaking for themselves — then men and women are going to stay confused. So let’s be real, dudes. I’ll start.

    • Farai says:

      I am from Zimbabwe.I think this issue should be weighed equally on on every scale inorder to come out woith the best for both parties involved,,,,a balance is all is required to come with a satisfying outcome on the ground.whats sauce for a goose is sauce for a gander–what women want man want also

  • Kate says:

    Gee I have had an eye opener of a day. First I find that the guy that I had been dating for 2 months has gone back online wihout telling me. Second I have done some soul searching to find out what part I may have played to instigate this and the realisation for me is not nice. Regardless that what he has done is disrespectful, I unintentionally have hurt him by what I thought at the time was playfully diverting him from having sex with me in the morning last time I saw him. I just didn’t want to do it and I would say he has taken this as rejection. Some mens ego’s are just so sensitive and I have no skill in handling it. The fact is that after reading this article I have so much more of understanding of men and what sex means to them and I have come to the realisation that I have a low sex drive and will never be able to keep a man for very long. Oh they find me beautiful, at first, but I just can’t keep up with the sex thing as they are always trying to please me and bring me to orgasm and I sometimes just can’t stand it.

    It is NOT that I don’t care and don’t want to give to them I just find that time after time of having sex and not just straight boring sex it all becomes repetitive for me. Smetimes say ‘have this one for you’ meaning I am here, I am not a starfish, but just please yourself this time’. Or I give a blowjob but I just can’t do the swallow, just can’t. Sometimes I feel I would make a very good prostitute. And get rich. I really enjoy good sex but I just don’t want it all the time and have had only handful of amazing lovers, but so many men are just so bad at sex, no idea how to touch a woman or know anything about our bodies or even know how to kiss. And BTW I have never had a man not want to come back for seconds, thirds etc so I can’t be that bad either. In fact when they have sex with me they pursue me like there is no tomorrow, it is hard to calm them down and eventually I have to get rid of them. Some of the men have been in long marriages and I am blown away as to how the ex wife put up with THAT performance for so long. They have something to answer for to allow their man to have intercourse with them like a rabied rabbit without complaining. And the man is now single and has no idea how bad he is.

    As I write this after reading this article I either have not yet met the right man or I am just a selfish bitch.

  • JLM7688 says:

    I feel a bit less guilty now. I thought perhaps I was odd by keeping track on my phone. The problem is my wife kept swearing we had sex just last week, when in reality it had been two months. Of course I would have been grateful for 20 times we have only managed 6 in the last two years and 5 the year before that. I don’t understand because she hasalways been emphatic that it is good, but she just doesn’t feel like it. For those women who suggest men make woken do all the housework and care for the children, my wife often admits to friends that I’m the one who keeps the house from falling into complete ruin. I seriously resent the generalization that all men are over indulged pampered babies. I would argue there are equal shares of men and women that fit that description.

    • Jean says:

      @ Kate, don’t be hard on yourself. You are not a bad person. But what is happening is that you now are at the point in your life where you see the reality of male female sexual relationships. Some women are so brainwashed, that it is difficult for them to see the reality.
      A point for us all to be aware of is, that most men, not all, but most of them do not understand the way women are built and they blame us for our being made the way we are. We are not like them just as they are not like us.
      I will tell every man on the planet. Your woman may tell you that she likes sex and that you are satisfying her, but the truth of the matter is, that women were not built to need to have sex all the time. Stop getting all mean about it. You know how men do not like to cuddle like women and not like to sit around being chatty? Well, that is how you all are, and we do not threaten to cheat if you dont cuddle, do we?
      Furthermore, women can and do enjoy sex, but the right series of things need to happen to help us on the way. Now, sometimes, there will be some women whose men know exactly what is needed to help satisfaction and that elusive orgasm. Those men will find that their women look forward to sex. But these other men will continue to be frustrated and wonder why their female companions avoid and find excuses for not wanting to have sex.

      And this thing about shaming, threatening women just because they do not want sex like a man and not want to put their mouths on his genitals has got to stop. Also, dont let him scare you into believing you are supposed to swallow his nasty, slimy semen. Women, this is not natural, normal, and not what sperm or your mouth was made for. Don’t swallow his semen. Will he scoop up and swallow your juices. Even if he does, semen is more than our juices. And women have got to stop allowing men to shame us and threaten cheating. If you read or hear the word cheat again, tell them so d—– what!! let them go and find another woman and cheat. When a man cheats, he wanted to and would have done it anyway. Women you need to know that many men are selfish, egotistical, and misogynists anyway and they will show you in due time how low they can get. So stop reading those articles and books from a certain woman and a certain man, who have the nerve to tell women that we need deny ourselves, ignore our children, be ready for sex 24 hours a day even when you are sick or have to go to your job, exalt men, think like a man, take the blame for men’ s sins and failures, dress up all the time, even when he is a slob, do all the housework, and the list goes on. Listen, women, we are not respected in this society, and we allow this. If they ( men and some other women) did respect us, you would see articles from them that scold men too. We cannot continue to allow others to put us down, scold us, blame us, degrade us,
      make fun of us, use us, beat up on us. Women, let us challenge men and women haters, to play fair, or we will rise up, you can count on me. I am a strong female. My name is jean and I am a wildcat/trojan who is in the valley, waiting for females to open their eyes to the truth.

      • Lance says:

        Wow, not trying to be rude but reading Jean’s comment, all I could think of was MAN HATER…..

        Sounds a little beyond defensive. I’d almost call comments like that OFFENSIVE.

        • Jean says:

          @ Lance, it’s okay if you are rude to me. I can take it. I’m a big girl. I’m not like some women , who are weak and gullible, and easily brainwashed. I still believe in protecting my gender.
          I understand how you as a male, take offense to a female speaking up. I am used to it.
          Your comment is just what I said in a previous blog. Men do not want women to speak out against the injustice, that is done everyday in this country and all over the world, against females.
          In general men don’t want females to have an opinion, or a voice.
          You men think that females should sit back and allow you to continue to demean, objectify, and talk about us.
          Lance, don’t use a tire, old, used up label like “man hater.” That is the one most women scolders use. You can be a bit more up to date and creative than that, can’t you ? 🙂

        • Mike says:

          Pointless to listen to her ramblings, she’s what people call a feminist lesbian hybrid (the use of misogynistic gives that away). She is totally clueless about men. Even if she were straight, if a guy constantly refused sex with her she would be more upset then any man. When the script is flipped on a woman, they see it as an unthinkable act because the media gives the perception that woman should be the gatekeepers to sex in a relationship. Search, “boyfriend denies sex” on google and you will se how woman react when sex is withheld by a man.

          I have “gone down” on my girlfriend countless times (not a fan of the taste) and she wants me to finish in her to make her orgasm greater, and I do it to please her. My main focus during sex is to please her, and her goal is to please me it’s give and take. I denied her sex recently and for the rest of the day all I heard was, “you don’t think I’m attractive anymore (plus a lot of pouting).”

        • Emmy says:

          Jean, you have a terrible inferiority complex! Beating your chest and telling everyone how strong you are doesn’t make it so! I don’t think I’ve ever seen so much venom on one board as I do on this one. ALL FROM FEMALES! You jean are the reason why you perceive to be abused because of your gender! In gonna go on a limb here and bet the house that you’re the kind of chick who will don a human sized vagina while demanding respect! You suck Jean, and your (and other deplorable feminists on here) inability to hear about what a man may need is indicative of how selfish you are, and reveals your deplorable inferiority complex! Women like you ARE INFERIOR. And you know it and you HATE IT!

        • Pffft.. Men says:

          @Emmy: your (and other deplorable feminists on here) inability to hear about what a man may need is indicative of how selfish you are – hope you’re not referring to me. I only have an issue with this article and what it’s trying to say. I totally respect my mans needs, but wanting to fuck me 4 times a day isn’t so he can feel an ’emotional connection’ every time. The above article to ME is completely wrong. Now if someone wanted to give me a more realistic view of how a man and woman can compromise to meet both parties needs, then I’ll listen. Reading an article written by a woman that in MY eyes is a massive exaggeration and actually quite offensive to women. I’m not a feminist… But I do believe in equality. Men should have to compromise sometimes, just like us women should. I’m not going to sit here and run at every opportunity to have sex, even when I don’t want to, JUST so it’s not MY fault if my man cheats. I understand what you’re saying, but am not sure whether you just read all these comments instead and NOT the article. It’s not telling me to gently take my man into consideration every now and then, it’s trying to throw 100 reasons at me that my boyfriend wants to fuck me 24/7… Yet none of them are ‘Just because he’s horny’. You can’t honestly sit there and say that men fuck for all reasons other than feeling a tight vag around their boner.

          • nemesis says:

            I have been married for a long time, now divorced. My ex wanted sex a lot more than I did and nine times out of ten I did not refuse. However, over the years, the sex became a chore for me, in addition to other chores such as cooking, cleaning and going to work.

            For almost ten years my body shut down and I did not feel like sex at all, I was dead from the neck down. My ex would become angry with me because I was not turned on by him even though I forced myself to have sex to keep the peace. He behaved like a pig, abused me verbally, emotionally and sexually. I hated him with a passion. One night, he became ill, if our children weren’t there I would not have called the ambulance and would happily let him drift into oblivion.

            Now that I am single I found that I can enjoy sex again. Sex is enjoyable for women too, when it is not a chore and when the relationship is healthy with no abuse and putdowns.

            I don’t intent to re marry or live together with anyone that way I wont’ have to have sex when I dont feel like it.

      • Phoxfire says:

        I find it amusing that any article about men having needs is drowned by vitriol. Of course we women have needs and should be treated well and respected. The same goes for men, the article is saying that men get most of their connection in a relationship through sex. Take that away and you will have problems, the extent of them varies. It took me ages to see this in my relationship, my boyfriend was becoming distant and spending more time with his mates and at work. He spent less time with me and we did less couple stuff, work and children took over my priorities. We ended up in counselling, and this all came out. Now we are going strong and married happily. He does lots around the house and with the kids, as well as things to make me feel special. I know he doesn’t feel like coming home from work and making dinner and helping with homework and getting the kids to bed. After cleaning up the house I get a foot massage anytime I ask for one and I know sometimes he’s dead on his feet. I don’t say yes to sex every time, but I say yes more than my own sex drive would need to be satisfied, and that’s OK. It’s not degrading anymore than wanting a massage is. He could say no, but he virtually never does to any requests like a cup of tea or help with a chore. Get off your highhorses and work with someone rather than against them. You’ll both be happier.

      • Lol? says:

        Men do like cuddling. You’ve had bad experiences with men, that is all this is, just like I’ve had bad experiences with girls who cheat and scratch me. I still respect women.

  • don't know what to think says:

    I get where you are coming from, but what if it’s the opposite? My husband is the one who never wants to have sex, and I am the one who wants it and needs it, and I almost never get it. He KNOWS I want more sex and is starting to hate coming home for fear i will mention it, but it is so hard to live like this. I feel like he doesn’t love me because he doesn’t want to have sex with me. When we do have sex it is great, and I know he enjoys it. I don’t know why he doesn’t want it. It’s opposite of everything I thought I knew about men…

    There are so many articles out there geared towards woman who are cutting their men off, but I can’t find a single one geared towards woman who are being cut off. Help?

    • Pffft.. Men says:

      I wouldn’t e asking for help here, babe. You’ll probably just get email from pigs asking where you live x

    • Pffft.. Men says:

      I wouldn’t e asking for help here, babe. You’ll probably just get email from pigs asking where you live x

      Also google: women deprived of sex

      There’s about 5 million sites out there.

    • Enaid says:

      It could have nothing to do with you personally, maybe he has low libido or a condition he is embarrassed about? maybe reassess the relationship and see if there’s hidden resentment there. I truly feel if two people love each other their would be no need to deny their partner anything, whether it’s sex affection or just a shoulder to lean on maybe he just gets tiered from work and pressure to perform is making him uneasy not because he doesn’t want to but because he doesn’t want to disappoint you.Try to have a blunt conversation and find out why he doesn’t want it as much and work it out that way. My poor husband lol i try and get it several times a day 😉 but sometimes if he can’t he can’t life gets in the way he has been really stressed since he went back to school, maybe, also work on aspects outside of the bedroom first then address your sex life.I hope things work out! 🙂

  • don't know what to think says:

    I get where you are coming from, but what if it’s the opposite? My husband is the one who never wants to have sex, and I am the one who wants it and needs it, and I almost never get it. He KNOWS I want more sex and is starting to hate coming home for fear i will mention it, but it is so hard to live like this. I feel like he doesn’t love me because he doesn’t want to have sex with me. When we do have sex it is great, and I know he enjoys it. I don’t know why he doesn’t want it. It’s opposite of everything I thought I knew about men…

    There are so many articles out there geared towards woman who are cutting their men off, but I can’t find a single one geared towards woman who are being cut off. Help?

  • Jean says:

    @Atlas, you make some very valid points.Your comment should be read by as many men as possible, because husbands actually act as if they do not care that wives shoulder most of the childcare, household responsibiliites, and still go oustside of the home to work on another job. If I didn’t know any better, I would say that we as females are so gullible(so stupid), for what we allow men to do to us. I could write a book. Don’t get me started. I’m on my soapbox.

    As I have matured, I have studied men and have observed that females are to blame for the terrible way that men are in relationships. And now I can safely say that we as a female gender have, spoiled men from birth to oldmanhood. Somewhere in between when the male, meets a woman and falls in love with her, he causes her much distresss and discomfort, all but because swomen have spoiled, coddled, exalted, bragged on, them so much, that they are ruined for treating women the right way.

    If this country, would support my book, I would go ahead and publish one to help women and tell women what we can do to protect ourselves, love ourselves, and respect ourselves as females. It would give women guidelines for surviving in male female relationships.It would give women tips to advois no good men, etc.

    But right now, I just want to tell all females who have men that are selfish, all the way from the bedroom to the kitchen, is be strong and hold on. Help is coming soon.

  • Brian Konicki says:

    I agree totally! This is true to the T! 100%. And I do agree also that Kate is obviously got issues. Must be a lesbian.

    • Pffft.. Men says:

      Why are all the men defending themselves against the women who choose to voice Thor opinion on this ridiculously sexist article? Lolzzzz to the above comment. Totally unsubstatiated and very typical of a guy… ‘Yeah!!! Men power!!! I’m macho and am going to pay out the chick voicing her opinion cause she must have her PERIOD!!

      Probably because men are the ONLY people who agree with the above article and any women who do should probably grow a brain, be a bit more independent and start thinking for yourselves.

      Both are equal in the relationship. Neither should have to ‘give in’ to the other – it’s called communication and compromise.

      Let me guess… Men are going to disagree with my comment… Now why doesn’t that surprise me?

  • Sexless Sarah says:

    Bruce- I am no bait and switcher! I absolutely love sex and before my current relationship was a swinger, so great was my need to sha