Why It’s OK (And Even Attractive) For Women To Cry Any Damn Time

its okay to cry

Isn’t life better and easier when you don’t cry?

Aren’t you stronger and cooler than the damsels in distress who cry to get their way? Isn’t it better to have things handled?

People will like you more if you’re a non-crying cool girl, right?

Click here to take the quiz on “How Feminine am I Actually?”

Bullshit. On the surface, people will like you more because you’re agreeable and don’t reflect their own difficult emotions back to them. But if you keep things superficial all the time, who can really be there for you when you are down?

There’s nothing wrong with being superficial when life calls for it, because in a world so heavily populated, we are constantly around people who could feel threatening — people we don’t know very well, and people we don’t want to know very well. But there is something damaging about choosing not to feel loss or any other emotion that you routinely avoid, thereby making superficiality and numbness your second-by-second, daily habits.

What is the importance of crying, anyway? When you allow it to happen, over time it gives you greater sensitivity. When you have greater sensitivity, you experience the depth and richness of all emotions. Without the willingness to cry, you risk living as a perpetually stressed and closed human being. And when human beings (more so women) are stressed and closed, they aren’t as inviting and as attractive as they could be, because part of what’s attractive about women is how open and un-stressed they appear to men.

A small aside: Don’t think of all this as “trying too hard to attract men.” Think of it as giving your gift: a gift that’s more true to your essential core, a gift that’s more aligned with your authentic energy — which is easier to access when you’re not stressed.

Crying is extremely important for your health, and for your ability to relate to a man and to yourself. For example, it’s no surprise that scientists now report crying makes nine out of 10 people feel better, reduces stress and keeps the body healthy. They even suggest that tears may be a way for the body to cleanse itself of chemicals that build up during emotional stress.

What’s wonderful also is that crying may be a way for us to induce physical contact with another human being (the very reason we sometimes avoid crying, for fear of intimacy and having to face our real selves). And touch, of course, is also known to improve our health.

Notice how you feel when you touch someone (or have gone without touch for a long time). There’s something about not being touched for a while that makes us feel dead, and something about touch from a friend or a lover that makes us feel vulnerable and connected (I can literally feel the effects of the “love” hormone oxytocin when my husband and I simply touch hands).

Click here to take the quiz on “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?”

If you’re not crying regularly, something is very wrong and inauthentic; and I mean wrong in the context of your relationship with yourself and your relationship with other humans. Here’s why: The ability to cry — in pleasure or pain — shows how alive and responsive you are.

The practice of crying (or at least regularly feeling loss, or any emotion that you know you habitually avoid), is a powerful place to be, because it means you’re present, not dissociated or numb. It means that you’re on the ball, and able to make good decisions informed by your body — because your body doesn’t lie to you — as opposed to decisions informed through the stress of “over-thinking” them.

Crying shows how open you are, and how open you are is proportionate to how many genuine men you attract into your life. Not just men, but friends, too. It shows how open you are to what’s real and raw. It shows how open you are to your feelings.

If you can’t be open to your feelings, then you generally can’t handle anyone else’s either. For example, people who are habitually closed — or worse, hateful or resentful — often don’t keep loyal relationships because they’re not even able to be loyal to themselves, to their own feelings.

Notice that I say habitually closed, because it’s not being closed that’s damaging in itself. It’s the perpetual practice of being closed that is bad for us, because it deprives us of living authentically.

More specifically, the more we keep our own emotions at arm’s length, the more we diminish or destroy our ability to handle a deep and devoted relationship. This is the definition of superficiality.

When we don’t cry, or when we’re unable to let ourselves cry, our energy is closed, and we are avoiding the deeper places in ourselves. There’s nothing wrong with this; at work, for example, we often need to be superficial. But this fact in itself should be enough, at times, to make you cry. For example: Why can’t I punch that annoying customer in the face? It can be frustrating, or even painful. We live in a society where we have to suppress emotions, especially at work or at functions. This alone is frustrating enough to make me cry.

We are human beings, and human beings, with the possible exception of elephants, are the only species known to produce tears for emotional reasons. We need to be able to cry. We need the honesty and the freedom not to judge ourselves for crying, even in public. Sometimes, in public, I have tears in my eyes. And it’s OK.

Your Daily Practice: 15 Minutes Feeling What You Avoid The Most

Am I suggesting you go out and cry in public? No! I am suggesting that each day, in a safe place where nobody can hurt or distract you, you put aside 15 minutes to bring up a memory, a song, a loss in your life — and feel it. For what purpose? For you and the people you love, so that you have a more infinite quality of life. If you’re numb, it doesn’t matter how many sexy holidays you go on; your quality of life will be shit to average, at best.

Most of us keep a few particular emotions — especially loss — far away, unless they’re forced upon us. But loss is everywhere, every second. And if you are open and sensitive to loss in its many forms, you have character and strength. You naturally have a more expansive quality of life because you’re sensitive, and sensitivity across the board means a greater openness to pleasure as well as pain.

Many people go through life hardly ever crying, just going through the daily motions and forgetting that they are human. Many of these people, because they push any uncomfortable emotion down and away, also treat their loved ones like shit.

You’ve been around people like this, right? People whose eyes are perpetually absent when you’re talking to them, people who consistently judge others just to avoid their own raw emotions? People who blame everyone else just so they can avoid their own feelings of failure? Jump onto Youtube and read the video comments; the haters there are these people, who perpetually avoid their own rawness and realness.

Is It Necessary To Cry Each And Every Day?

So, am I saying that you actually need to break down in tears on a daily basis? Well, not exactly. Because if you’re an overachiever, you might be upset with yourself if you can’t do it. What I am suggesting is that you put aside fifteen minutes of your day in order to feel emotions, like any of the following, that are crucial to reducing your stress and improving your attractiveness and your ability to have a devoted relationship:

  • loss
  • ecstasy
  • pleasure
  • pain
  • anger
  • yearning
  • desperation
  • self-loathing
  • humiliation
  • embarrassment

Incidentally, even feelings like ecstasy can bring up tears. But because pleasure in various forms is made wrong for many people from early childhood, sometimes we shy away from it — without even realizing it — for fear that allowing ourselves to feel it would make us disgusting in some way.

I honestly believe, without any hard scientific evidence to back myself up, that tears are the external sign of our self-erected walls melting. It’s a process of going from “separate self” to “connected” and/or “authentic self.” Sometimes, crying is a sign of saying “YES” to openness — and “YES” to life.

But the most important reason we need to feel what we habitually avoid every day is that if we don’t, we become hardened. We lose touch with our lives. And when this happens, we lose everything: We lose ourselves, we lose our value as open, alive, and therefore attractive and sensual women. We lose our ability to be sexy and spontaneous and pleasured women. (We become dull, uninviting, and uninspiring). We lose moments — and the richness — of life.

When we are numb, we become the irrelevant idiots who treat life as if there’s always “more time.” We think it doesn’t matter that we’re getting older because “I don’t look my age.” And we treat our children and our lovers as if they will always be there.

But when we give ourselves permission to feel loss, to cry, to breathe into ecstasy, pleasure, shame and humiliation — and to overwhelm jealousy and hate — we eventually get to the place where we realise, not just intellectually but in a visceral way, that nothing we have is guaranteed. Not even our existence.

Nothing we have is everlasting, except who we are. Everything — money, lifestyle, gorgeous boyfriend or gorgeous children — can be taken from us by forces beyond our control. So, if you were to approach all your interactions, your life, and even yourself with this understanding, would you show up differently? If you could recognise that loss is everywhere… that every single day, every single moment, is gained and lost… it would be painful — but isn’t it also empowering?

Whether you can open to your emotions and cry makes all the difference to how deeply attractive, graceful and mature you are. It makes all the difference to how well you treat yourself and others, and how much depth of character you have. So don’t search for things to make yourself “feel better.” This is what most people do. Allow for things that make you feel loss.

Fifteen minutes a day. Go.

Then leave me a comment so I can experience what you did. Really, you’d be giving me a gift, too.

Do you want to know what’s keeping your man from committing to you? Find out from the Commitment Masterclass, click here and register to watch for free.


  • fara

    Hi Renee,

    I want to say thank you. I was feeling very emotionally congested and sorta stuffed. You article reminded me how therapuetic it is to feel your (pain) emotional stuff. It is very easy for me to block stuff. Because it has been absolutely life safeing to do so in the past. I want to get beyond it and do it less.
    After reading all the comments I think maybe I am a secret cryer. But I am not good crying infront of others. I am not quite sure why
    your articles make me cry because at times they feel like a needed slap in the face.
    Any way Thank you.

    • Aww, fara, thanks for your comment. And I really laughed at your last line: ‘your articles make me cry because at times they feel like a needed slap in the face.’

  • Aisha

    Hi Renee,

    I received your email about “why its ok to cry” And everything you pretty much said is how I started allowing myself to feel years ago after i ended a toxic relationship that suppressed my emotions on all levels and I feel now that I’m loving myself more and knowing who I am, I will attract the right person into my life and thats its ok to be feminine.

    I know you receive a lot of responses I hope you read mines.. As I was reading it, I started crying because sometimes I feel like, I feel to much, I’m a cancer, a highly sensitive person not to mention an empath too and a master number 11, so I have alot going emotionally and spiritually…. Sometimes when I feel the need to cry I will try to stop it but then I just let go and surrender to it. I was listening to a song that touched my heart and just the mere thought of it before I put it on, I was tearing up, didn’t even take 15 minutes, lol :). But that’s ok though.

    I kept feeling like my feminine energy was attracting the wrong men.. when thats the last thing I want.. but i realize that when men feel an attraction and emotional connection. They want that all the time. but I’m not going to be the one to give it to them, especially if you have someone. but I know thats what men need or want. Men feel like they can talk to me because #1, im not their significant other and #2 I listen and I’m myself and my feminine energy comes out when I talk to them. I don’t nag a man, never had. But someone where along the way my needs got unmet.

    But most of all I know its ok to cry. I always had to be tough, especially when my mom passed when I was 14, I’m 34 now and I always had to be the strong one and its exhausted. Finally I was like I can’t do this… Adults depended on me, this trickled over into my adult life and I just went numb.

    • J.a. Ct

      My twin flame is a Cancer and he cries a lot. I can feel it when we are not together and it wears me down. I’ve asked him to stop at times. I am a highly functioning empath so it wears me down fast. What I’ve realized after reading this article is that I’ve asked him to be disingenuous. That is not fair. He needs to feel these emotions to work on himself and grow; the ability to process all he encounters as a sensitive, empathetic soul.

      • Super Janice


  • Tara Robinson

    It was comforting to recieve this email after a very emotional week of crying. I just recently met the Man of my dreams and moved to another country to be with him. Trying to make a new life and be away from home is difficult. Sometimes i have trouble crying because i think i am staying positive and do not want to admit something is hard. When this happens i get
    migraines. When i finally let go and cry theheadaches are gone….so headaches are always a sign it is time for a good cry.


    • Oh Tara 🙁 of course making a new life away from home is tough. And, i’m really impressed at your awareness to connect the headaches with the lack of crying! That’s good stuff.

  • Stacy M

    This came in my email box this morning as a confirmation of what I have been feeling lately! Thank you so much!

  • Joan

    I tried the exercise. I felt shame, loss of ego, relentless pain and I felt like I’d be stuck crying for the rest of my life. I kept looking out the window at this late winter day with the sun shining, and my mind kept trying to tell me to cheer up. Its weird because even though my mind was trying to think happy thoughts it was based in fear and that I was trying to control crying. It was like a cycle. Hard to explain. I think I try to be happy all the time to avoid fear. It seems that way. Not that its bad to be happy, but I think I have been brainwashed into thinking that I have to be always positively thinking.

    But that was the sad tears. I don’t think I can do happy tears. I’ve never cried over being too happy. That’s an emotion I want to explore more.

    • Wow Joan, you really did well with this. “I think I try to be happy all the time to avoid fear.” – thanks for sharing this with us.

  • Mila

    I have started to allow myself to cry recently, it usually happens during my yoga classes … especially while I am doing certain types of postures (like camel which is ‘a chest-opening’ posture, i.e. opens the heart). What I find amazing is that as I cry, I feel like I surrender to the pain and discomfort in my body and my mind. Surrender, not give up. In other words, I acknowledge it and move on … and then I release I have improved my posture(s). So, I am thinking crying = surrender = improvement/progress, definitely not to miss out on!

    Thank you Renee, you are awesome, you have changed my life.

    • This is a great comment, Mila, thank you for sharing it 🙂

  • Helene

    I have never been able to hide my tears, feelings and thoughts towards myself, my husband or anyone else. Looking back i must have lost people or made people uncomfortable by being real. Its never meant though ive been hurtful or disrespect towards them since thats not who i am.

    But even my husband is often amazed over how easy i cry and show and talk about emotions and thoughts. Weve been talking a lot about such things. Hes a very sensitive, gentle and caring gentleman thats not afraid being the man he is at the same time. But hes changed so much since we met.

    He say ive helped him so much especially with stuff like this. Being real. He had a bad background with a lot of abuse and no guidance. Now hes very mature, manly and confident, and completely open emotionally and my very best friend. Its true a woman is the heart and hearth. We both come from abusive narcissistic parents and weve raised above it all. Its very true a woman can destroy or create her family. My mother destroyed. I create.

    We cry in eachothers arms, he tells me everything that goes on so do i. We are our biggest supports and hes so caring. He works i dont and were happy. Hes learned so much from me showing tears and emotions and being real. Women you are their emotional compass. They need you to show them about the insides and about feelings and tears.

    Hes admitted and weve talked that the conditioning of boys and men are soo cruel and from other boys and men. Theyre not allowed to show emotions. Its just competitive and the moment you show something youre made fun of, or taken down for it.

    Its extremely harsh concerning that. You have no idea. So the end result is a boy and man that are scared of any emotion. And tears.

    Oh my man is so brave and so open hes shown me how its like. Hes explained how much women are needed to help!
    This is a big part of arguements.
    As a consequence men are extremely sensitive to how things are said. Thats why they cant take when we just blurt out with feelings. Its something they have to learn. They need it soft. Theyve been abused for a long time in society.

    So they need us to show them how to handle tears and our tears. They do feel free too by seeing us cry. My man first stares on me thinking of his programming. He admits hes jealous how easy it is for me. And hes been trying. And it works wonders. Hes much stronger for it.
    Hes such a brave man.

  • Heather

    This is so true and I’ve never been a “crier”.

    As a nurse in elderly I’ve had to somewhat keep a professional demeanor. I do care about them, but I can’t break down sobbing while they’re dying. However, the stress of holding that in for so long was taking it’s toll. Add in personal stresses and I was a mess.

    I finally broke down and cried after one of my favorites passed away [I’d been her nurse for over three years]. I kept up that brave face for the family and as soon as I got home that night, I bawled. It was incredibly freeing.

    So bravo, glad you posted this, it’s so true. 😀

  • Jackie

    I’m really glad I read this. I’m 32 weeks pregnant, so I can get pretty emotional from time to time. Like the other day.. I don’t hace many clothes that fit anymore so I usually wear yoga pants and a hoodie.. Well when boyfriend was taking me to a doctor’s appointment, he put on a nice button down shirt that he looks amazing in and I suddenly felt very ugly in comparison. In the car, I tried to hide my emotions and stifle my tears but when he asked what was wrong, I couldn’t hold back.. I started sobbing and saying things like, “I look so ugly” and he said “no, you look like a mama bear” then I said “whoever sees us is gonna wonder why you’re even with me” and he responded “well I know why I’m with you, and I don’t care what people think” … I just want to let you know, Renee, that I found your site about 3 1/2 years ago, which was right around the time that I met my boyfriend. I read every blog post you had back then, and I can honestly say that he and I would not be together if it weren’t me taking your advice. Granted I still have a masculine side, and I desperately need to work on my temper (fear instinct), but whatI learned allowed me to go slow with the relationship in the beginning and slowly become more open and vulnerable, and I think that honesty is what has kept us together, so thank you!

    • Jackie

      Oh, I also wanted to say that a few days later, he and I got into a fight that I clearly started (and regretted). He went outside for a while, but then came back in. I said I was sorry and so did he. I was about to tell him he had nothing to be sorry about, but before I opened my mouth, I was floored by what he began to tell me.. deep stuff. One thing that he said was, “you know the other day when you were crying in the car… Well, a part of me was actually jealous of you.. I don’t think I even know how to cry.. but I think if I could just cry for a few minutes in the shower every day I could release the stress inside me, and I would feel better. But the only way I know how is to shoot pool, have a few beers, and smoke a few cigarettes..” Anyway I just wanted to share this because it’s not every day women get to see this side of a man..

      • Wow, how lovely that your boyfriend was able to tell you that 🙂 thanks for sharing this so generously with everyone Jackie. You’re pregnant! That’s so exciting!!

      • Jessica

        I am a psychology major and I love your insights on all this love and relationship advice, Renee. I think the 15 minutes of just taking some time to yourself and really feeling whats inside would really help alot of girls to possibly open up when it comes time to face a situation with people involved. I also love the idea that David shared on one of your telecasts about practicing in front of a mirror and I do believe that these 2 ideas definitely go hand in hand because its about opening the self up , but the thing we need to remember is that were doing it for ourselves, not for someone else, that it will help to Enrich our lives as feminine creatures. I have cried several times in front of my bf and this is the first time I’ve Ever been this open and I’ve even told him that! And he says its his first time too..bc I’ve never cried in front of any male before except my father. . But to feel the beauty of sharing something that we normally feel is so personal and private, is just so life enriching in relationship form. I encourage all ladies out there to never hide from your man or even your father! He did help to create you so he will understand, im sure. And btw Renee, I have been informed that my bf is looking at engagement rings for me and has been for the past 2 months since we moved in together! 🙂

        • Jessica,

          He’s looking at engagement rings? That’s so exciting!!!

          And thank you for sharing your story – I think it’s poignant that you see this openness and your choice to be so open as life enriching. It’s intimacy – a lot of us avoid it and therefore, never have it!

    • Love first

      Hi Jackie,
      I just had to comment, since I feel my story is similar to yours. I started dating a great guy, and following Renee’s advice about being more feminine, how to not freak out when he’s pulling away, letting him “be a man”. If I hadn’t found Renee when I did, I really believe I would have scared him off straight away! We’re together 10 months now, and I give him plenty of space, and it’s been one of the most respectful, loving, honest relationships I’ve ever been in. We’ve been going at his pace (letting him lead), and things are going great. But I just found out I’m pregnant. Now I’m so scared and can’t stop crying in front of him. This is too fast for him, I know, and I don’t want him to feel trapped or obligated to me, like I’m trying to take something from him because I’m really unsure what to do.
      How did your boyfriend take the news, and do you have any advice on how to not make a guy feel like he’s been trapped by an accidental pregnancy?
      Thank you!

      • Jackie

        Well I can’t say I have all the answers since my situation is a bit different. My boyfriend and I were together over 3 years when I got pregnant. We had wanted to get married and start a family (do things “the right way”) but there have been many major hurdles, mostly financial. So although it wasn’t planned, we were both very happy…. But it wasn’t always that happy. Only a few weeks before, I had sobbed to him about needing to move forward in our relationship. He had gotten pretty disappointed with our situation too, and very lazy as a result, so I became fed up and was actually on the verge of leaving. Then we found out the news. We still argue sometimes because I feel like I’m doing all the work. I mean, I worked in construction until I was 7 months pregnant.. and now I’m constantly researching information about giving birth and raising a baby.. and I wish he would do more than watch tv. Sorry, that was probably more info than necessary ..As for your situation, all I could suggest is to 1) tell him the truth and expect him to withdraw (probably more than once) to “figure things out” .. He will probably come to the conclusion that you’ve had a great relationship so far, so there’s no reason to run. Just continue being your genuine, loveable self and share with him the same feelings you just wrote, about feeling scared because you don’t want to lose him but you would rather that than feel guilty over making him stay. That you don’t expect anything and you love him so much. How could anyone resist that honest truth? …Now, you might get a little crazy (hormones) sometimes, so if he does stick around, make sure he knows his efforts are always appreciated.

  • Ryan


    I have a question for you and any other woman that reads this…

    What exactly is a ‘cool girl’ in the way you mention it at the beginning of your article? I guess it’s not ‘in style’ to be feminine?…Would you explain this to me.

    • Jackie

      I think what is implied as a “cool girl” is a girl who seemingly lets everything roll off her back. Often she is “one of the guys” who can take a verbal punch as well as throw one back.. she appears to not take much personally, and she has her shit together. But the problem with the “cool girl” is that she may be denying or suppressing her feminine emotions. And by withholding these feelings or feminine vibes from the men around her, she is basically dooming herself to always be “one of the guys” instead of “somebody’s girl”.. By hiding her true self, she is actually weak. To be strong would be to be able to express her emotions in an honest, non-manipulative way.

      • Ryan

        Thank you, Jackie.

        Getting deeper into what I really want to know….

        Is acting ‘cool’ something that women are striving for? And if so, why? Protecting themselves? Acceptance? Do a lot of women think that men are attracted to that?…

        If a woman is openly feminine does she get ostracized and socially attacked by other women? It seems that way. But I’m a guy, so I don’t really know.

        I can tell you that the majority of the ‘beta male’ guys out there are not acting that way because that’s who they are. They were conditioned to think that they are doing the ‘right thing’, and that women will be attracted to that. I know because I used to be one of those guys. When I discovered the true nature of the situation a few years ago it felt like the door to my cage had been opened and I was finally free to let my masculinity flourish. It was one of the most amazing feelings of my life.

        • Jackie

          Yes, I think there are a lot of women who believe that is the way to 1) actually attract men and gain acceptance or 2) simply protect themselves from getting hurt.. I was both at different points in my life… They may look and dress feminine but cling tight to their emotions because, if it doesn’t work out, then, hey, at least he didn’t “take” too much of me. Makes them feel safer to have the “upper hand” emotionally… I don’t think women get made fun of for “looking” feminine, but some women would definitely feel awkward around/ threatened by/ jealous of another woman who is emotionally feminine, especially if they are getting a lot of male attention… I hope that answers your questions. Could you expand on what you were saying? How were you before, what did you learn, and how have you changed?

          • J.a. Ct

            I do not think this is totally accurate. I am not a crier by nature while I am highly empathetic. I think this is due to the fact that I understand that people have life paths to lead and life lessons to learn. I understand that most things are not good or bad, it is what we personally do that creates light or darkness. Then it becomes an issue of personal choices and the equal and opposite reaction of said choice (to borrow from Newton). It is really a form of non-judgemental, unconditional love. Accepting the person at that moment in their journey.

            Where this becomes an issue is that many people start to depend on these types of women because this level of understanding is so rare. I have a lot of people around me because I am “so selfless”. However, I have had a man call me “a hot little number”. My twin flame once said after seeing a particular dress on me “I need to be careful not to walk into walls”. I did not tolerate either. I said to my twin flame that when he says I am beautiful that he compliments me. When he says the aforementioned comment, he objectifies me. Not all “cool girls” accept this type of behavior nor roll with it.

  • Sylvie

    This is such a beautiful article. Thank you for sharing. I’ve allowed myself to feel my emotions in the last several months and I can’t agree more. I had people blame me to avoid their failure and judge me to avoid their raw feelings. You put into words exactly what I experienced. Thank you.

  • Naomi

    For the life of me I couldn’t understand how or why I became so lonely! Since, I started reading your articles much of it makes sense. This exercise was a bit scattered for me. I had a hard time picking one memory. I was overwhelmed with hurt because of the parallels between the hardened, dissociated and numb person and myself-I am that person. The more I read your articles, the more critical, sad, and angry I become with myself. Really, a bit more hopeless too.

    This article resonated with me most because it articulated the root of my concerns so well. I am “dissociated and numb” and I’ve been this way for sooo long. I’m also apparently 52% feminine and I have mixed feelings on whether I want that to change or not (mostly because it becomes another thing that’s “wrong” with me). Anyway, I know I started reading your articles for some enlightenment and constructive criticism even. However, I have a hard time appreciating them as much as I could because I’ve been the way that I am (not-very-feminine, dissociated, hardened, and numb to name a few) for so long that it seems like doomsday for me.

    I love being there for people that cry. I pride myself in how loyal I am but to expose my own tears unless I absolutely couldn’t help it, is emotionally unstable and therefore irresponsible.I can go on and on but why is it so undesirable to resilient?

  • sandra

    The funny thing is that many women who take on the more feminist “you have to be a strong woman!!!” mind-set don’t want to cry in front of a man in order to be strong – but NOT crying and NOT showing your true emotions is actually a weakness. Like a poster above me said, sometimes as children we’re told “not to burden others with our emotions.” So by refusing to burden others with our authentic emotions, and pretending everything is fine and we’re strong, we’re actually telling ourselves we’re not good enough – which is the antithesis to being a “strong woman” and to true empowerment.

    • True Sandra.

      And…agh, people don’t want people to take resources from them -that’s one fear they have if someone cries in front of them.

      But also, they just don’t want to connect with the person who is crying – a crying person is most likely connected – people who reject that in themselves want to remain separate.

      Screw people. If you want to cry, if you need to, then that’s it – you’re not asking anybody for anything, you’re just doing it regardless of whether anybody comes to save you or not – that’s real.

  • Khang

    I have long discovered this special beauty of letting myself cry…. It softens me, it lightens me! there is saying: “after the rain comes the rainbow” which is the same as crying (raining) makes us feel light. If I find hard/dry inside for a time, I will find a private place and find a reason (memorizing a loss, a story, watch a emotional movie or reading my loved book) to cry. A long time for not crying to me is about a month. It helps me get back to my own emotional person. Even I already get crying easily… such as seeing a miserable one on street can make me tearful.

    What I regret was I never let myself cry in front of my guy… Never… I get used to cry alone, even scream… If I let him know how much painful I have to get through, he might not leave….

    • Aw Khang, thanks for your beautiful words and your final observation (in your last sentence) could be true – only in that, he would just be more pulled in to you, and he would naturally be more connected to you – unless he really chose to leave.

  • Heather

    Renee I read every one of your posts and they never fail to inspire me and help me grow! I’d like to share this song with everyone reading – it always makes me cry and I think it very much relates to this discussion… “Remember When” by Alan Jackson: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TTA2buWlNyM

    • Ooh wow, this is very beautiful and tear jerking. What a beautiful song.

  • Rita

    Hello Rene
    Welcome back! it is so good to start reading your wise words again,dont stay away too long please. So good to have you back.

    • Mami

      I agree Renee. I know someone that cries in a dime with her boyfriend and always gets her way. In fact she brags about it and says all she needs to do is tear up and he’ll come running. Her little 8 year old daughter does the same thing! And he must love it because he paid an 809. Ticket for her and does just about anything for her.
      I am a pretty emotional female but just feel I would not do this. I cry when I’m frustrated or angry, when I’m sad, overwhelmed and happy, but it’s genuine.

      • Well, Mami, I did hear the well respected anthropologist Helen Fisher say once that tears are generally not fake…or something like that, and except for actors…they do it by moving their facial muscles in a certain way to trigger the crying response.

        So what I’m wondering is if your friend’s actually crying, then…she’s crying. And I don’t know their relationship so it’d be silly for me to say much more.

    • Aww! Thank You Rita!

  • Just to add…

    Just wanted to add!! I have a friend who is super efficient, she won’t let anything faze her and isn’t afraid to express how she feels in the fact that if she has a problem with someone then she will say straight up say how she feels and I know a lot of people respect her and so do I for that matter.

    She can express a lot, but not sure if she cry’s, so when I went to her recently and was really upset, I blarted out that I was sorry but I couldn’t hold it in. If I’m sad then I’m really not the type of person that can hold it and be pretend to be A-OKAY. Thats really not my style at the end of the day.

    My friend is very loyal though, bless her, as she tried to cheer me up with her support. It does take all sorts to make the world spin round, so perhaps that the people who cry easily can teach those who are more solid and stable that its ok to cry and shed a tear, and maybe for the emotional wreckers, they can learn something from handling emotions in a more balanced way.

    Just my thoughts but I know that everyone experiences life from a different perspective and everyone goes through life experiencing life in a unique and individual way. Plus we all have our own unmet needs.

    Sometimes people can’t because of the experiences they go through in life. Like my friend who doesn’t readily express emotional tears but expresses everything else went through some harsh life experiences that perhaps others couldn’t handle.

  • So its ok then I guess…

    “how many times do I have to tell you even when your crying your beautiful too, the world is beating you down,I’m around through every mood”…

    Well you may or may not have guessed, but those are part of the lyrics to John Legends song, all of me and if that along with the video can’t make a person cry then I have no idea what else can.

    I think that song, plus the video is really good for triggering a whole rae of emotions because its very primitive and has lot’s and lot’s of raw emotional content in the song.

    When I was a child and in my early twenties, I would cry over anything as I’m very sensitive anyway, but soon learn t that it wasn’t necessarily save to express my emotions or shed tears, so I became blocked to all my emotions, and then certain life events forced me to grow when I’d been habitually closed off and now I guess that I can sing my own song…

    “all of me can now thankfully cry and I’m so blessed for all of my feelings, even if they make me cry”…

    Also, I think my mum says that if someone can cry free flow then they are allowing base chakras to do their jobs properly. So I totally agree with this article that its so good and healthy to cry your heart out and to feel every emotion.

    Sometimes I look out my window – kitchen or bedroom – I look out and it triggers memories and emotions, where it takes me back to a time from my past. The one is where I can see a neighbors window from the beautiful houses directly opposite to my home. I look at the house and then suddenly its like, omg, I can remember when I first moved here. I was only 25 – 26 at the time, but almost feel as if I lived life as a different person back then and now it almost feels alien, as if I’m no longer that person that I use to know back then. Well I’m only 29 now, but some people go through many changes I guess that they are no longer the person they were yesterday.

    I think people can keep themselves so busy sometimes, either through choice or because of life events so its easy to loose touch with certain emotions, but personally I wouldn’t be without mine as I feel so much happier being able to express and feel everything rapidly.

    There is someone who was once apart of my life who always puts on a brave face and has to be strong and yes, that person did treat others shitty when I knew them, so I would say that I choose being an emotional wrecking ball opposed to treating others dirt.

    With love x x x

    • This was a beautiful comment to read, thank you!

  • Katelyn

    For me, I feel that the place that I dislike the most is anger and/or jealousy. Particularly, when I’m accused of being the “jealous type” when I hadn’t felt jealous or angry. It really pisses me off when this happens! Just about a week ago my former roommate told me I’m the Jealous type but that it’s SO SUBTLE that it was only detectable if you’ve previously seen the personality type. I ended up talking to two of my friends (one male and one chick-a-dee). Mainly, my chick-a-dee friend.I was really pretty peeved about the whole thing because I didn’t particularly appreciate being accused of being jealous. Even typing it out makes me angry as I don’t particularly feel jealous. Though I do not consider my not wanting to share my man or even calling a man “my man” as being jealous or possessive. I really kind of just wanted to scream at this woman and tell her off. Though, I wasn’t sure if giving her that kind of response or energy was worth it.

  • Joan

    Oh boy this is a tough one for me. I think I heard a message years ago that we are not supposed to burden others with our feelings. But how real is that? How does my feelings burden them? Sure it might send the people I don’t want in my life running(superficial people) who spend their days like the day before not even thinking that everything is threatened by loss.

    I always want to be this strong person, but what is strength? To be authentic and present with others. The other way around is the weakness, so I agree with this posting. Thanks again for this great posting, something I’ve been needing. It would be amazing to live in real life with real tears and real emotions.