Listen to yourself when you are talking.
To friends, to your lover, to your boyfriend.
The words we speak are mostly blind to what is really going on inside.
And worse; the words we speak cause the men you WANT to ignore you or think ‘nope, not for me’ when they spend time with you.
For the purpose of this article, I am going to assume that the men you WANT to attract are the men who see your vulnerability and want to take care of you. Forever. And adore you.
A lot of women don’t want this. They say they do, with their words, but their actions show that they want a loser prick who leaves after he got the sex he wanted.
If you want the depth of love yo so crave, listen to yourself when you are talking. What are you saying?
Go over your own words later on; and think about why you said the things that you said in that particular conversation.
You’ll realise that you say what you think people want to hear, most of the time.
You’ll also realise that you say what makes you look GOOD, most of the time.
You’ll further realise that if you didn’t say what makes you look GOOD, then it’s because you thought THAT would make you look good.
You’ll realise that most of the words you say are spoken to make yourself look cool, smart, in control, rather than out of control, and consistent (feminine energy NEVER is consistent, though).
It’s not you.
No, it’s the way you were raised. It’s what this society teaches us to be.
In this society, we are taught that looking good is more important than being who we really are in our true nature, whether that’s masculine, feminine or neutral.
What you’ll realise though, is that, in order to be in your authentic feminine energy (if that’s what you are, underneath all the masks), then you’ll need to talk less and FEEL more, because talking often stops you from feeling. Once you feel more, and talk a little less, you are and WILL be naturally more feminine because you are being more of yourself.
This is the way I have learned to become more of who I actually am, not who I think I SHOULD be.
I struggle with talking BS, especially to my parents; mostly to my parents. Because they were the ones I felt I had to impress and please.
Those times when I actually have the awareness to remember and pull myself up on my BS, I let go of the talk. I just connect instead, which is what we really want. Interact with my husband. I smile, I dance, I ask him about HIM, I kiss him; and it flows, the way it is designed to flow between a masculine man and feminine woman.
Disclaimer: please don’t think this is the answer to having more approval from or even more dates with men. SOME men will run from you when you do this; when you remain open and vulnerable; and that’s what we want. We want to get rid of the weaker men who will just run; because we are not willing to settle for anything less than a man whoa t least tries to respond to your vulnerability with total devotion.
In order to weed out the men who aren’t serious, just BE. The right man will come eventually, even if that’s a newer version of your existing boyfriend/husband.
One thing you’ll want to do when you begin noticing yourself talk also, is that you’ll be tempted to justify your own talking. ‘Oh I didn’t say that to look good!’
Another thing you’ll be tempted to do is assess yourself. In other words; you’ll try to look for where you did well, to AVOID feeling the guilt you’ll have to feel if you acknowledge that your words were trash for the gold that is actually beneath that mask of talk.
But that’s what you need to do. Feel that which you actually feel. Not avoid it. Avoiding feeling it just takes you away from your authentic energy.
Now, I’m not saying don’t talk. I’m saying, listen to yourself talk if you want to radiate deeper femininity.
Certainly, when it comes to connecting with girlfriends, talk can be the most valuable thing in the world. It CAN be. But right now, we’re talking about interacting with a man.
Deeper femininity attracts deeper men. Men you can trust.
Surface femininity (dressing and acting solely for the approval of others) attracts surface men. (What is fake & superficial femininity?)
But first, you have to be willing to trust the light that is feminine energy that you were born with OVER trusting the garbage that you sometimes use to cover up the vulnerable, real you. (See my article on how most women reject their own deeper femininity)
It’s that light that men crave, and it’s not always pretty. And it’s definitely not predictable or in control. You have to be ok with that, at the very least.
P.S – what happens when you start to do this successfully, is that you start to notice everybody else using their talk for various reasons other than to be their authentic self. It’s tempting to then hate them for doing it; because you think you’ve already let go of that part of yourself who USED to do that. That might be true. But mostly, when you do this; you’re just getting caught up in an old cycle of separating yourself from others; and making yourself the successful person and them the lesser person.