It’s ok to need a man.
It’s ok because you choose to need a man.
It’s ok to be a mature woman and make that conscious choice to need the right man. A good man.
It’s ok to admit that you do (or have) needed your father. Or at least imply that your father is protective. Which is to openly imply that you allow your father to be in a role where you need him.
Why isn’t it ok to admit that you need a man who isn’t your father? Just because it isn’t cool amongst your tough, “independent”, fake girlfriends? Just because a man who isn’t your father might be more likely to hurt you? Betray you? Or worse, make you feel used?
Well, having that mindset is a very small way to live your life. Sometimes blood family betray us the most and the people who aren’t blood, who we were most scared to trust; surprise us the most with their dependability. It is certainly true in my life.
So why is it ok to need a man? And more importantly, why is it so taboo to admit that? I believe it’s taboo because in general, most women in history and now, don’t have a good understanding of men (with the exception of our female ancestors in hunter gatherer tribes, where women probably respected the role of men more, as women and men were naturally assigned different tasks in those days, and perhaps accepted each other’s biological and genetic strengths a lot more).
And so in the past, when a man did something that his woman didn’t like, they automatically assumed the man intentionally wanted to hurt them, and they blindly influenced the next generation of females to be “self sufficient” and make a Masculine Man LESS important in our lives. Just so they could get back at the men or somehow ‘protect’ themselves.
Why do we need to do that?
Why do we need to make men less important the minute we feel hurt by them?
Is this REALLY the ONLY alternative to SHOWING him that he hurt us?
Or would that just be too honest and too authentic? And fakeness is more desirable?
Many people prefer fake to real, that’s their choice. But why should it be Yours?
Most of the time, men don’t even know they’re hurting us unless we make it known to them. (See this article…) Many men are just not that emotionally sensitive. Some are, many are not. They are built differently; which means they may not even know what is hurtful to you; since most of what would hurt YOU would never hurt them. The truth is that, yes, some men intentionally hurt women. Not all.
But I believe you are smart enough (or at least have the freedom to research and understand men so you KNOW which ones are genuine and not) as a woman to choose the right man to trust and need, and learn from your mistakes when you’ve chosen the wrong man.
We don’t have to encourage each other not to be vulnerable. That in itself is already betraying our own sex. Because to live is to be vulnerable.
The right man hurting you is DIFFERENT to the wrong man hurting you.
The right man hurting you could just be that he is being a man and didn’t foresee how his actions would upset you.
The wrong man hurting you would be bad because he never cared for you in the first place. It is up to you to choose the RIGHT man who cares for you, and not blame the man for your mistake in choice.
Self sufficiency is overrated…
Self sufficiency is overrated. Self sufficiency is a lie. We need people. We’ve always needed people. We can’t make our dreams reality purely by ourselves.
We are lonelier when we act like we don’t need a man.
Men are ALSO lonelier, and more addicted to other substances and behaviours when we don’t allow them to feel needed by us. To get anywhere you need others, whether explicitly or not.
You’ve had people influence you in your life, male or female.
You may not depend on them to pay for the roof over your head and the food on your table, but they may have once said something that inspired you, that kept you going when you most needed.
As Helen Fisher, the Anthropologist who has studied the human brain in love says: “‘Men and women are like two feet; they were built to put their heads together.”
It took me years to fully surrender to my Hero, my husband.
And as a result of surrendering to him, and surrendering to the uncertainty of trusting a man, I am MORE of ME. I am more radiant because I know he is there to protect me and I don’t have to hide. I’m more of me because I’m not walking around wearing armour.
Since being with David, I am far less caught up in other women’s BS that they feed each other (eg: you need to follow fashion trends, or the popular ‘leave him!’ the minute he does something remotely to hurt a woman’s sensitivity).
Because of surrendering to my need for my husband, I am stronger because he shares his strength with me. I am 100 times more courageous. I am smarter, because he thinks objectively, which balances my sometimes erratic and often emotional thinking. I am more evolved and authentic, because he sees right through my BS if I ever dish it out, so I can’t live behind armour.
I know that a lot of women don’t want to need a man, or pretend they wouldn’t secretly like to be married because they are trying to protect themselves.
And to that here’s what I want to say -
Getting Hurt doesn’t make everything you had a Lie
Even if my husband did cheat on me one day, would that make the strength he shared with me in the past a lie?
What is a LIE is me telling myself I don’t need him, and closing off to him. Good men really do fear their woman closing off to them. Women don’t often believe this (or even act like they care to even TRY to believe it).
See – I don’t CHOOSE to need a deadbeat, a douche, and I don’t need a narcissistic man, but I need David, my Hero. The only right man for me.
What is a lie is me pretending that by myself I am more of a woman. No. I’ve made the choice to need my man, and because of that, I am more radiant than I would be without allowing myself to need him.
And I believe that women everywhere would be MORE radiant if they allowed themselves to need a good man.
Sometimes, you might be more radiant alone; you might feel more radiant being single. Very few things are true in all situations.
But what I really wish is for you to consider the possibility that your radiance (your feminine energy, your level of attractiveness, and sense of emotional freedom) would increase by allowing yourself to need a good man.
You don’t want to need a murderer, or a narcissist, or a dead beat, or a dumb man, but you might choose to need a good man. A devoted man. And that is your choice.
Needing a Man is not what is WEAK…
People think needing a man is weak. (See my article on how to become more confident with men)
I believe what is truly weak is not ALLOWING ourselves to surrender to our deepest desire to have a protective, strong, caring, masculine man in our life.
Here’s what I believe…
If it’s something we yearn for behind closed doors, and if it’s something we yearn for when we lie in the dark alone in our bed at night, trying to fall asleep, then it’s real. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that!
It’s weak to pretend that what does naturally exist as a biological need in our bodies does NOT actually exist.
Honestly, how long can you pretend you don’t need to go to the toilet and deny yourself of that innate need?
Eventually, it all gets compressed and it has to be let out somehow. Your biological need to go to the toilet won’t wait until you find a restroom if you hold on for days on end.
It finds its way out.
Even if you don’t consciously know it, but pretending you don’t need a man creates the same kind of compression and is then let out in other, pathological ways.
It could be your judging other women who have passionate relationships with a protective man, it could be through the use of illicit drugs, it could be through hurting others in a myriad of ways.
Suppressing any natural need of your own usually equals more hurt that you cause others.
It’s weak to be defensive about this need.
We are all vulnerable.
Just to be alive is to be vulnerable.
Trying to be overly self sufficient doesn’t change this truth.
And by the way, it’s when you try desperately to be self sufficient that you turn the best men away. Usually, good men who want to take care of a good woman don’t feel emotional attraction for women who won’t allow themselves to need him. This self restriction isn’t what attracts men emotionally.
You may still attract men sexually, but they may leave repeatedly. Because there’s nothing to take care of.
When you, as a woman, don’t have the freedom and flexibility to allow yourself to BE that vulnerable part of yourself, your energy becomes tight and masculine. And men can feel that from you, whether you want them to or not.
If it’s ok to surrender to this need by reading 50 Shades of Grey, or any romance novel, why isn’t it ok to choose to need a man for real?
If you don’t need your man, he will Eventually seek out a woman who does need him
Here’s the uncomfortable truth: If you are in a relationship with a man who is masculine at his core, and you don’t NEED him, he will at some point, unconsciously or consciously, seek OUT the energy of a woman who DOES authentically need him.
Because he enjoys feeling needed. And because it makes him feel alive to feel genuinely needed by a woman.
My observation is that the bitchiest women in the around, and the nastiest, most spiteful women in the world are the women who have rejected the part of themselves that wants a romantic relationship where they can rely and depend upon a man.
OR the Women who are with a man with a weaker masculine energy than they want often also fall in to the same boat, in my view.
What is your belief? Do you think more women need to surrender to needing a man? Why? Why not?