When it comes to understanding men, there are two important things I want you to remember. Because I find it’s VERY easy to forget all the little details and everything else when you are stressed out and upset over your dating and relationship issues. So it’s helpful to have one or two simple reminders of how to understand men before you make decisions you will regret when things aren’t going right and you get upset and stressed.
So before I give you the 5 keys to Understanding Men, I want to lay a quick and simple foundation with you.
The most important two basic principles on men are this:
1) Most of the things you worry about to do with men are actually not anything to worry about.
See, you worry for YOUR reasons, with your feminine hormones and feminine brain. You think he is not calling because you haven’t shown enough interest in him so he’s unsure. Mostly, he’s simply not calling because he doesn’t want to. That. is. all. As a woman you read other meanings in to things and think: “oh did he say that because he actually meant THAT other thing?”
Oh. “did he not call for 3 weeks because he has another woman?: No. He didn’t call because he simply does not want to.
You think your boyfriend or husband didn’t do that thing for you because he doesn’t love you enough or care for you enough. Really, it’s because he didn’t hear your request in a way that would propel him to go do that thing for you. It’s mostly never because a man doesn’t care. But your feminine brain interprets his actions that way.
2) Always remember; men are not bigger, stronger, faster females. They are men. (and yes, even a man who is smaller than you has greater physical strength than you).
Which means almost everything you think, feel, hear and see is NOT what he thinks, feels hears and sees. Male and female human beings have evolved over millions of years through two different roles: women trained themselves to be gatherers and men trained themselves to be hunters – this is the work of our ancestors, whether you like it or not.
Now, the EFFECTS of the difference between hunters and gatherers are the reasons behind almost all your troubles. We (men and women) are simple designed for different purposes.
But here’s the best news. Through all my own struggles, here’s what I’ve discovered:
Why Male and Female differences are Painful yet – women are well taken care of…
As much as the male and females differences causes us a world of pain and struggle, ironically – evolution has also made us work perfectly together in many ways; and don’t worry; as a woman, evolution didn’t ditch you. You are actually FAR better taken care of than you or any other woman would ever let you believe.
It’s just that, taking dating advice or relationship advice from girlfriends often makes you dumber, and more stressed. Because most women get women – they don’t get men. Which means 99% of what women think, and the meaning we place on male actions is completely incorrect.
As a woman, you have the power with men, more than you know. And your knowledge in men is your power with men. This is the basis of my program Understanding Men: http://understanding-men-live.com/
With men, when you play it right, and stop taking advice from friends who may not want the best for you, and make your own decisions – you might start to see that, men actually want to be there for you and commit to you and take care of you. Evolution made it that way; but men are wired to take care of a certain TYPE of woman; a woman they see as High Value.
Try to remember – Men are responding to YOU. And what YOU do.
Which means – how YOU show up with men is crucial. If you show up as low value; you get far worse than low value in return. Sometimes, you get nothing. But when you show up as a High Value woman, you get far more than you bargained for.
What do you Worry about when it comes to MEN?
I can remember the days (not so long ago), where I’d stress constantly about how a man I liked might view me, and what he might think of me. I was also very quick to make terribly wrong assumptions about men that were…well, wrong!
Ever worried constantly about being cheated on?
Ever worried about him ‘checking out’ other women? (this is almost never worthy of worrying about; but as a woman, you are wired to worry about it when you’re in a fearful state).
Here’s my personal guarantee… You are always worrying far more than you Need to with Men.
If you consider yourself to be a female…I can guarantee you right now, as you’re reading this, that you have no idea how much you totally over-stress things with men that actually don’t exist, or aren’t true in his world. You have a lot more power with men than you have been allowed to believe growing up. And I don’t think that’s fair; that’s why I’m sharing a little bit from my hard-earned knowledge from my own hand-on-mouth mistakes I made with men.
As the saying goes…”If I had known THEN what I know NOW…” – I want to save you the anxiety and stress you feel related to men, dating and relationships.
And here’s why: 95% of the ‘stuff’ you worry about regarding men is completely groundless anyway.
Your FEELINGS about what Men do aren’t wrong…but your perception about men is.
It doesn’t mean that your feelings are wrong or that you are making it up (you’re definitely not; after all, they are your feelings! And being a woman, you KNOW that your feelings are the truest and most real thing in your life!) After all, we have feelings about EVERYTHING!
The thing is….they are YOUR feelings. And you know what that means?
It means: they are not his. They are not a MALE’S feelings. Which means, the man you are dealing with doesn’t do the things he does for the reasons YOU think he does.
When Men “Look” at other women…
I’ll give you a little example.
The other day I was driving to the mall, and at a set of lights I stop on red. Whilst waiting for the lights to change, I look to my right to see….two men in a car, staring at something to my LEFT….and they were very concentrated on this particular thing.
I turn around to look what they were looking at, and saw a man in a car to my left, also staring intently this yet ‘unknown’ thing. 2 seconds later, I see two young women in bikinis washing cars.
Now….because I understand men, I can laugh at this and not roll my eyes.
But I have a question for you? What is your instinctive, gut level reaction to this? Do you sigh in disgust? Worry that your boyfriend or husband might look if you weren’t there with him?
By the way, what ARE you actually worrying about? You’re worried that he thinks those half naked girls are better than you? You’re worried that he wants to have sex with those girls?
The answer to all those things is a resounding NO.
See, it took me a while to get this. Men are conditioned as hunters, and just as humans, to take note of changes in their environment. So to them it’s actually like: “oh. There’s a bikini car wash in Melbourne Australia? Oh. Oh, ok then!” lights change. Moving on now. half an hour later, most men would have forgotten all about that bikini car wash and the girls that were there.
They’re wired to look. Some men might want to have sex with those women or any woman; mostly desperate men; mostly men who feel DEPRIVED. The question is; do you have a deprived man? Do you have a desperate man? Then, your worries might be well-founded.
Are you Attracting Desperate Men?
But not because he’s desperate; the worry really is: WHY did you ATTRACT this particular man in to your life? The answer is most likely because you are desperate for something as well. Maybe attention. Maybe variety. Maybe the idea of security in having a man who is not as good a catch as other men. Maybe you secretly feel you’re second best to other women your whole life, so your brain thinks attention is lacking; which is why the first man who seems to come along and give it to you….even if he’s a desperate heeby-jeeby, will do.
It’s not your fault. It’s just what you’re going through.
Would it surprise you if I told you that men would look with the same concentration at a row of 10 rabbits running across the road?
And that they’d look with the same level of detachment and lack of emotion?
If it does surprise you, or that makes you angry, or you just don’t want to believe me, it’s ok. That’s what we do as women. We make things big in our minds; and we want to be reassured and convinced. Again and again and again. (see my article on femininity)
But before I spend too long on this…right now I’m going directly to share with you 5 Insights about Men that you should know before worrying yourself sick.
Insight Number 1) Men don’t judge you.
When you are having a conversation with a man and say something you don’t think you should have, and then have multiple conversations with yourself in your head about that, he’s more worried about impressing you, or he’s just clueless and has already forgotten what happened and what you said within 5 seconds after you said it. This is because masculine men have trained themselves to ‘forget’ over millions of years of being hunters.
No, we’re not past all that. Men still have hunter DNA that has been bred in to them as a species over the last millions and millions of years.
Now, I want to clarify. Because if you know me and my work at all, you know that I firmly believe that there are very FEW absolute truths in life. There are VERY few absolute truths, and everything is contextual.
So I want to say that yes, some men will judge you, but the men who actually spent time judging you and talking negatively about you are not men; they are either very feminine men or gay men. I don’t mean that as an insult; it is just what it is.
Men spend their lives ever since they were little boys, trying to be enough, and to be worthy of a High Value, High Status woman’s attention. It’s not the same for a woman. Whether you enjoy this fact or not, the truth is that, this is most men’s personal experience going through life:
It goes like this. “Ok. I’m a male. I like females. I like them a lot. If I want to be worthy and enough in this world, I have to prove myself and earn my respect by making enough money, being funny enough…etc.”
That was my best attempt at speaking as a male; which I am not a male. But as a woman, that’s the best I could muster up. I believe you understand what I am saying.
As a woman, we don’t have to do as much at all to attract men in to our lives. We’ve just been manipulated by money hungry corporations and other competing women around us that we DO have to use make up and clothes. In reality, our radiance is enough. our radiance IS what attracts men, and make up is not radiance. In fact, it can tamper with your radiance.
But if you’re anything like me, you’ve spent quite a considerable amount of time in your life trying to DO things to get a man’s attention when you could have worried a lot less and simply enjoyed yourself and that would have done the job.
Men don’t judge women. Especially masculine men.
As far as I can tell, men will simply be repelled by you (because your type of feminine energy is not what they’re looking for), or be indifferent to you because they’ve already met their one and only, or try to impress you because he’s interested in you. But men are not women, and they don’t care about all the little details you think they care about or judge you for.
Insight Number 2) Men don’t leave you because you weren’t good enough
Men do not leave You because you weren’t good enough.
Men leave because of many reasons, but mostly because of how they feel with you. They leave usually because there was no good reason to stay with you and they felt bad enough about themselves around you enough times that it was time to call it quits.
And they feel BAD because you weren’t happy.
Insight Number 3) Men don’t actually want you to hold everything in and pretend everything is ok.
Move on from this terrible belief and do something silly like actually express yourself!
Now, don’t take this too overboard if you have only just had ONE date with a man…you need time to prove your value to each other before you can even think about unleashing the crazy.
But believe it or not, soon enough, if a man is masculine and you have attracted this masculine man in to your life, he won’t mind you expressing yourself. In fact, he’ll mind you holding everything in and being a sloth about your emotions!
Holding things in is not attractive, and it doesn’t keep the right man around. The right man wants you to express.
By the way, I said EXPRESS. Not Blame. If you want more on this, see my article – the Fastest Way to Push Men Away.
Being Real and Expressive, not Blaming…
I’ve done crazy things that when I tell women what these things are, they cannot BELIEVE my man is still with me; but these things I did, if you ask my husband, he would tell you that they were endearing. He loves that I’m expressive, and if you want something real in your life, not just a relationship for the sake of ‘having’ a relationship, then be real and be raw.
If you want a man to love you for you, well you need to BE you. It’s not helping you to reject yourself when all you’re truly yearning for is to step out of your own shell and start fully expressing yourself.
Like that 5 year old girl you were who simply played and expressed and did silly things. You don’t have to act like a little girl; you just have to use her as a stepping-stone to finding yourself. You’ve probably disowned her. She doesn’t like it! Try inviting her in to your world again to get you out of your shell and to loosen your body up.
Insight Number 4) When your official boyfriend or husband is NOT there for you, or doesn’t do what you wish he would, you can almost always be sure that it is because you haven’t communicated your need to him in a way that he understands.
You may think that means I’m putting the blame on you. No, not at all.
In fact, when I discovered this for the first time, I realised that this was such a gift of knowledge. It’s a well-kept secret. A well-kept reason not to worry.
Thank God, maybe many men actually want to be THERE for you?
They actually WANT to be your hero? What a novel concept that other female friends could never tell you!
And this is not just your boyfriend, but even male friends and relatives.
The Only catch: they don’t want to be there for women who don’t reward them with their feminine energy; through their gestures, their eyes, their body movements, their smile.
Because men don’t get it otherwise. They don’t understand that you found something helpful, or that you were scared, cause they don’t often feel scared and they don’t often need help; but if they SEE (through you) that they are helpful to you and make you feel safer, guess what? Their brain makes the association that doing good, helpful things makes YOU happy.
Beware. The longer you have withheld your gratitude, the longer you have withheld your happiness and energy from a man, the longer a path you need to take to regain his trust.
Insight Number 5) Men wish YOU Understood them deeply.
Because when you truly understand them, you stop worrying and getting hurt and upset all the time; and when you’re hurt and upset all the time, your feminine energy doesn’t show up. You’re tight and controlling. And that is not pleasant from a man’s perspective.
And look – when you understand them, they can give you what you need and be the man you want them to be for you. Trust me, there is an incredible allure to women who understand men that completely surpasses any ‘flaws’ you think you have. Men are drawn to this kind of allure like bees to honey. They want to commit to you just to OWN that allure and own your soul for life.
Only, the key to getting that genuine commitment from a top man is NOT make up. It’s NOT a slimmer body. Men don’t care about that; they care about a woman’s energy.
Those things are the Feminine brain’s solution! Remember that! And take a look around…open your eyes…and view all the attractive, successful men, committed to far less attractive, perhaps jobless, and perhaps very overweight women!
And by the way….Make up isn’t ever the solution when it comes to men. Ever.
The key is Understanding them.
See – Men who are masculine at their core (around 80% of males in the world), don’t have many words, especially when it comes to their “feelings”. They don’t talk all that much about what they feel, most don’t even understand what that word means in many contexts, which is like a foreign planet for you and I.
You and I GET feelings, and we can speak about them well. Yet, when you try to talk to a man, they’ll go quiet or look blankly back at you.
You can’t turn him in to a woman, so the very best thing you can do is put in the loving care and thought and understand them. Then more you are willing to do this, the more that men will approach you for the right reasons (not for sex), and things will start to fall in to place for you.
You don’t Actually WANT Men to put more work in to a Relationship…
I understand that, as a woman, sometimes you wish that MEN would ‘put in’ the so-called work in to relationships that you do as a woman, because you’re sick of doing it yourself. But here’s the plain and brutal truth:
1) You don’t actually want that. Your fear tricks you to belief that you want that.
You rather he was the man you could respect, the man who spends more time on his mission and actually made something of himself -you rather he be the man you are attracted to, not the soppy man who is obsessed with relationship and deep connection like you are. That’s what you’re built to love in males, as a woman. Men are built differently. Thank goodness. I love men for being men.
Personally, I have little respect for women who insist on keeping a man close to them and try desperately to not allow him to do whatever he wants to do. A man has to be a man. His world CAN’T be about being with you all the time – if it did, you would no longer be attracted to him.
You want a man who does what HE wants; EVEN WHEN you ask him not to do that thing. You know it’s true, too!
In life, sometimes, what angers us is EXACTLY what we need to feel alive and passionate. And guess what is alive and passionate? A man and woman who are attracted to each other. Not a man and woman who are restricted by the woman’s need to control him. (See my article on not being a boring woman)
The second plain and brutal truth:
2) What you think is ‘work’ or ‘effort put in’ in a dating situation or your relationship is actually what you thought would work in your mind at the time, but was actually pointless.
Here’s an example: a lot of women think that discussing what’s wrong about the relationship with their man, or discussing their deep feelings with their man means that they are putting ‘work’ in. Yep, I still make this mistake every now and again. It’s the curse of being a woman – we want to talk things through. It’s the way we heal.
BUT – it’s not and never will be the way you get a man’s full attention, and will never work to get him to adore you and cherish you and commit to you.
In fact, he’s really just sitting there thinking ‘why the hell is this human being talking about all these things?
1) Isn’t it already obvious? Why is she stating the obvious? and
2) This isn’t helping me. It’s not solving any problems. It just makes me feel like shit.
Often, you’ll find that the MORE you try to ‘talk things through’ with a man, the more he will pull away and run from you.
I know. It’s a pity that what totally works with your girlfriends is the WRONG medicine with a man!
But lucky you that you get to understand that, because most women around you will forever go their whole lives without understanding this. And end up alone and fed up with men.
Thanks for reading! I want to make you an offer. I wish that you will experience the freedom, joy and self confidence that I have through understanding men. I have made a course on this very subject, with my husband (who is my Hero), and it is designed for you to become the goddess that you were destined to be with men. The course will eliminate your mistake, anxiety, confusion with ANY man.
I invite you to join me and my other members in this course in the exclusive members area, you can start that right here: http://understanding-men-live.com/
If not, Thank You for reading my article. I appreciate you for taking the time out of your day to read, and to seek answers for yourself. The universe will reward you for that.
P.S – I love reading your story. What do you feel you’ve gained from this article? What are your feelings about men and women are our differences? Please share your thoughts and experiences with men in the comments section.