10 Signs of a Commitment Phobic Man

Signs of a Commitment Phobic Man

As a woman is it not hard at all to get stuck in a relationship with a commitment phobic man. Sometimes even if you’re a beautiful, smart and classy woman, you’ll have to deal with some sort of commitment-phobia in your man.

Your task is to really see what a man does for what it is, and make your decision from there.

If the man you are seeing exhibits many of these signs, it’s time to question: why are you wasting your precious youth, time and worry on someone who is NOT worth your time?

I truly believe in patience and understanding when it comes to men – it is part of being a mature and feminine woman. But you need to choose the right man to have patience with.

Sometimes, no amount of patience and understanding will get a man to be the man you crave him to be. And that’s ok.

You didn’t do anything wrong, and neither did he. He is simply not the right man for you, and there is someone out there for you. Someone whom you can truly live a full life with, a passionate life with, a man who truly fills you up with love, and who adores you like you are his princess. Here are the 10 typical signs of a commitment phobic man:

1) He only seems to respond to contact from you that is sexual.

You may think that being sexual is a good way to get his attention, and it sure is. But if he only replies reliably and consistently when you make hints towards sleeping together or send a dirty text, then perhaps he is only in it for the sex.

If he regularly ignores texts, calls and emails from you suggesting dinner, a movie night, or time with your friends, yet quickly replies to anything sexual, there’s a chance that this man only has fun and no-strings-attached sex on his mind and doesn’t mind keeping you around for the sex and ONLY the sex.

 2) He has too many strange reasons not to ‘friend’ you on Facebook.

When a man doesn’t allow you in to his world on Facebook, it could be a sign he is resisting commitment to you.

Facebook is a tell-tale place for making sure that a man is interested in you and is proud to have you in his life.

Why? Because if he is proud and happy to have you in his life, he doesn’t fear you appearing in his news feed, tagging him in things, or commenting on his facebook updates.

Because Facebook is such a public place; if he has other women, or if he puts you low on his priority list, he may avoid adding you on Facebook because it’ll be easy for you to bring issues up and inconvenience him.

A catch: if the man is a womanizer, he might gladly add you, as more women commenting and liking his updates means he receives higher status and higher regard in his social circle or among his Facebook friends.

It depends on the man and his blueprint of the world.

So, it’s up to you to work out, from the other points in this article, whether he uses Facebook as a way to have women make him look good, or whether he actually has a Facebook and deliberately avoids ‘friending’ you for fear of ‘issues’ that arise from that, that might complicate his life.

3) He is in his late 30s (even worse, 40s), and has never been married.

A man has plenty of time to find the right one and to settle down. But, if at the age of 38, the most LIKELY place you will find him 5 nights a week is at the gym, for a minimum of 2 hours, then maybe, just maybe…he actually loves being single and prefers to live his life that way.

4) He talks about women in a way that actually makes you feel uneasy or queasy in your gut.

This takes a little bit of patience on your part. You need to stop and actually start listening to what he is saying and how it makes you feel.

If the way he talks about women makes you feel like: ‘hang on…what the hell….’ and yet you have a voice in your head making excuses such as “oh well maybe he’s just…” stop it.

A man that doesn’t talk nicely about women has never felt like he was worthy of them, and probably spent many years feeling like he could not handle them.

Which means there is a good chance he doesn’t feel like he could handle you. Some men are just downright bitter and angry towards females and see them as a pain because they have felt rejected by them their whole lives.

If he says things like: “WOMEN! You can’t live with them, you can’t live without them!” or “women just complain all the time” - he might be right, many women do complain all the time….but…if this is his strongest ASSOCIATION with females, then maybe he won’t have the time and patience for you.

What matters here is HIS association with women. For example, what I mean is, in HIS head, what does the word WOMAN equal to?

If it’s always one of frustration or indifference and he says things like the above, then listen and watch carefully and be smart about things. (see my article on

5) He rarely asks you about your life, or how you are. And if he DOES it seems more like a pleasantry to you (something he mentions just for the sake of mentioning)….and he doesn’t really listen to your answers. (read my article on Casual Relationship)

6) He ignores your birthday (even when you tell him that it’s your Birthday soon) and ignores you around Easter and Christmas.

A client of mine once drove me to intense frustration after several private sessions with her; telling me about a guy who was clearly not ever going to commit to her, who ignored her birthday even when she TOLD him that it was coming up, and ignored the actual day of her birthday and yet she still told me….:”But…but he TOLD me I’m his GIRL!!”

Question is: if someone tells you constantly “Oh my dear, I’d NEVER set your house on fire!” “I’d never hurt your family and set your house alight!” and one day, you come home, and he has burnt your house down…do you believe what he said?

Do you believe that he would never do that?

Or would you believe the actual facts: that your house has been burnt down right in front of you by this man? I hope you believe the obvious.

For most men who are willing to commit or will commit in the future, your birthday is an important event for him.

In the beginning stages, he may not spoil you, but at least he’d make an attempt to call you – not just to wish you a happy birthday – but to ask you how your actual birthday was.

7) The story his mouth tells is almost always more enticing than the story his actions tell. Simple. Don’t be dumb, because you are not dumb.

So don’t let a man’s words fool you. I understand, as women, we all make this mistake at least once – we all fall for a man’s words at least once; we are designed to.

Nature didn’t make us to be smart all the time; it made us to be as easily willing to have sex as possible with the man who got to our ears by sweet talking so we could pass on our genes and propagate the human species.

Be good to yourself. And give the right man for you, more time with you!

Do that by losing the man who talks a lot and delivers little, so the right man can wake up next to you every morning and kiss you on the head with a goofy smile on his manly face.

8) He often responds to you with defensiveness or deflects questions with verbal abuse.  

Defensiveness and verbal abuse – these two things are extremely difficult for a woman to have to deal with in a relationship; and these are the last two things I want YOU to have to deal with.

Ideally, a man would be centred and strong, and would take full responsibility for himself, and would think things through rather than act snide or abusive.

But unfortunately, some males were not raised very well, or had bad childhood experiences that lead them to be this way; and it’s painful for the women in his life.

One thing you need to be careful of – if you grew up with abuse, YOU might think this is love. You may not know love in it’s real form. Because that’s the only way you know love from the way you were treated.

It’s a terrible thing to get stuck in a relationship like this and find out 30 years later that you only ended up with an abusive man because of your own childhood – what a waste of years.

This is why, as a woman, you need to stop blindly doing things without THINKING. Think, analyse and tap in to your masculine abilities. SEE something for what it is. And IF – on top of that – your intuition actually tells you that this is a bad situation, listen to it. And listen to your friends – often, you can’t see something for what it is clearly when you are IN IT.

9) He blames you a lot. Some men just constantly blame women for things that go wrong in their life. There’s a legitimate reason for this; men don’t understand women; so they cannot handle them; and when they can’t handle them and they see their lives falling apart, then the EASIEST thing to do is look for someone to blame; a WOMAN!

See – If a man’s reaction to problems in the relationship is to blame you, or constantly point out where you went wrong, then you have a problem.

Either 1) you’ve been together a long time and YOU have been blaming HIM a lot, so now he does it to you because he can only take so much blaming from you – OR blaming women – or blaming you – is a habit he uses to avoid properly dealing with problems.

A side note: a man who responds to problems with silence and disappears for a day or even 2 and then calls you again doesn’t mean he is a commitment phobic man. He might be the type to go away and think about it.

Don’t rule this out. Sometimes it’s hard to know if a man is the more spiritual type and actually DOES do the work to think through a problem and quietly deals with it himself away from you without talking about it but that’s part of the game of dating and of life – you have to learn and understand and make decisions in your life.

The other thing: 2) This man might simply not want to take responsibility for anything in a relationship. Some human beings remain adults in children’s bodies for the rest of their lives. It’s unfortunate, but it happens.

10)  He looks down on other married couples. If a man talks badly about men who are married, or who are taking care of children, then it’s a pretty good sign he doesn’t care much for a deep commitment with a woman.

And it’s a good sign that he is turned off the idea of family and prefers to be alone.

For example, if he sees men with babies and says things like: “when I see men like that, I think, “I don’t envy you!” or “I’m glad I’m not you!”.

Or…he sees married men and talks down at them, like they are less than him, and are stupid, or dumb for making the choice to be married – then you know this man takes A LOT of self importance and feelings of significance by being un-attached to a woman, and without a family.

Please remember, no ONE sign here is a definite indicator that a man is a commitment phobic.

Any random one or two signs could just be isolated signs that don’t mean a man is a commitment phobic.

I cannot say for SURE what combination of the above 10 definitely indicates that a man is a commitment phobic.

But – I CAN say for sure that, a mix of at least 4 (FOUR) of these signs of a commitment phobic man means you should tread carefully and re-think the situation you are in. (Learn how to make a man commit)

A WARNING about the above Advice:

See, the problem is always this, and it’s something that is purely your responsibility as a female:

As a woman, you WILL at times, see a lack of commitment irrationally when a man IS actually committed.

This is going to happen!

And you have to learn to recognise that; or at least tap in to your masculine energy a bit more, and therefore think more logically and from a detached perspective, so that you don’t over-complicate EVERYTHING and push away a perfectly committed man.

Let me quickly tell you why you see a lack of commitment irrationally when a man IS committed:

1) As a human being with proportionally more FEMININE hormones, your rules for commitment won’t always be the same as his, since he is a male and his world is completely different to yours

2) As a woman, you have a certain behaviour that is hard-wired in to you.

This behaviour is called Testing.

You test, test, test, men all the time, subconsciously, irrationally, and well…nearly constantly, until a man has spent long enough with you that you can relax and trust him more.

Truth is, men leave, men disappear – it’s happened for centuries.

Mother nature GAVE you the gift of testing to keep you and your future children safer, and to help you be more in tune with men and what’s really happening.

But this gift from mother nature also comes at a price: you test sometimes when you don’t logically need to.

Convenient, huh? The complications that can come with being a woman and the emotional pretzels we can be!

What to do Now:

1) Remember, 4 or more of these above signs means: seriously think through the relationship you have gotten yourself in to.

2) Less of these signs or any ONE of these signs beings present could just be put down to the fact that you are with a MALE, who really is just a wild animal.

He might still be willing to commit – but he’s also still a male. And you will encounter this with every single masculine man on earth – there’s always some commitment resistance, even if a man doesn’t tell you that there is. He is made that way.

3) If you are unsure what to do with your relationship situation, yet you think the man you are with has the potential to commit to you (you’ll be surprised) – then I have the solution put entirely in my Commitment Control Program.: http://commitment-control.com/

Now over to YOU – help the rest of us women out and let us learn from you! What sign (or signs) have you noticed indicate that a man is a commitment phobic?

Renee the feminine woman

 

91 Comments

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  • Natalie

    Reply Reply March 6, 2014

    Let’s see:
    2) FB – not friend (says it’s just for family, although there are few friends as well) but posted some of our photos together – so Im undecided here
    3) never married with 2 live-together experiences
    4) There’s one phrase: “Never trust a woman” – usually said when we see in a movie a woman screws a man or takes revenge, or hear a story of such sort. Said in a joking tone, but still… makes me feel uneasy. Or “women like play games”.
    7)somewhat
    8)somewhat
    9) not a lot, sometimes, often as a defence, and do my lot too..
    10)”I hope it will last” – usually when I tell news about happy couples; nominally positive comments but sounds like he does not believe that it will last.
    So, what do you guys say? Do you think he is the lost case?
    Btw, my understanding of commitment does not necessarily include legal marriage. What’s important is that daily promise to bring your best to the relationship and daily choice of your partner. I love Renee’s article about why marriage vows do not matter, so well said!

  • Holly

    Reply Reply December 10, 2013

    When I read about the abusive part, that made me feel uncomfortable because it’s a reflection of my interactions with men. I grew up with low self worth and as an unhealthy person, so I haven’t known any other realty. I can read positive advice, but it’s foreign to my map of the world. Realistically, I feel that a person has to work really hard if they are to break self destructive behaviors, such as inviting abuse in the first place.

    I was actually in a controlled relationship for almost 7 years, I said to myself, never again will I ever get into a destructive relationship. I had lied to myself, because I was in the ultimate, abusive, relationship with myself! I’d say that so many people are, such as if they are records with their health, with how they do or don’t treat themselves. Being passive is just one of many ways I can think that a person might abuce themselves. Nevertheless, I’m picking myself up and working on myself is a constant process.

    As for men, I feel that I would know really quickly if a man is worth the time and effort. I don’t know about you, but I sense things out really quickly, by listening to the way my body feels, that’s the biggest indicator to a healthy man. Combine it with thinking, I know that I’ll be all right. Women’s intuition, that’s what’s going to get me through.

    Even if a woman doesn’t know a man, surely she will sense on an intuitive level if he’s into her or not, subconsciously, I would have thought that a person will pick up all the indicaters and then her gut feeling would do the rest of the work.This is how I.feel anyway.

  • kris

    Reply Reply October 30, 2013

    I keep ending it with a guy that after 2 years won’t commit. This is my fault he strings me along I allow it. I tell him what I want I said I don’t want to jump into marriage but I told him beginning this is who I am. He tells me how much he loves me bla bla how he needs me so I end up going back. He knows I Will so he doesn’t have to I guess. I am trying to move on now I’m just going in circles I want to give myself to someone that Will want to share this back…one day.

  • Elle

    Reply Reply October 20, 2013

    Who cares if a man has commitment phobia? I am VERY career oriented, and enjoy companionship, but don’t necessarily have to be married. Marriage isn’t what it is cracked up to be these days. Give me a sane, successful, handsome, older man who is 100% straight to spend time with occasionally, and I am good.. I enjoy my freedom. Maybe I am a commitment phobe?

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  • Joeliene

    Reply Reply September 6, 2013

    You mention “testing” to verify that a man can be trusted. I agree that women “test” men. But all the women I know are “testing” him to ensure that he is an Alpha Male. We do this periodically when first dating a man. And if he begins to fail those tests, he gets dumped. These “tests” continue into marriage. And if a guy fails too many tests after marriage, he finds himself being divorced. This is because we’re programed by Mother Nature to be with Alpha Males… not just to procreate… but for our entire lives.

  • John Doe

    Reply Reply August 31, 2013

    Maybe you women need to WOMAN UP, and start acting like a REAL WOMAN again? And that means COOKING, CLEANING, and RAISING CHILDREN!

    • Alexi

      Reply Reply September 10, 2013

      Dream on, pal. This is belittling and very, very insulting. You men do not keep us anymore, we have jobs and salaries. Cook, clean, and raise children yourself if you are into such things, and do not expect someone else to do this on your part. Believe it or not, some women hate the thought of having children.

      • Jonathan

        Reply Reply October 31, 2013

        There we have here is exhibit A of why many men are turning to looking for a wife overseas…because the cancer that is feminism has ruined a good 80 to 90 percent of the American female population turning them from feminine women into men with breasts. I believe society has suffered from women entering the workplace. It is OUR place to be the breadwinner, provider, defender and a woman’s role to take care of the homefront while we’re running in the rat race in the cutthroat business world. Those women who hate the thought of having children, I assume you’re one of them, should just get sterilized..then you never have to worry about having children. It’s sad that women have come to despise the one unique thing they can do that we men can’t..bring a new life into this world. Such an awesome and wonderful power that has been turned by feminism into a curse. Frankly women like that don’t deserve the term ‘woman’ or ‘lady’ for that matter..female in gender only. Hopefully your kind of woman will go extinct or else the human race and civilization is doomed.

        • can't stop laughing

          Reply Reply December 29, 2013

          The real reason you love traditional gender roles and want a little wifey at home who is 100% dependent on you is because you are an insecure control freak. You hate the thought of women having any kind of authority or control. Did Mommy not give you enough hugs as a child?

  • mimi

    Reply Reply August 30, 2013

    Women select mates using instincts instead of logic because most of the time they are lazy to think.

  • Anna

    Reply Reply August 13, 2013

    So I have a question: if a man seems perfectly willing to commit (or shows none of the signs here), how long must a girl have to wait until he’s influenced? When do we know if we are just being stubborn & should let go because he’s never going to commit, versus when do we know if we are letting go of the best thing that could have happened to us?

    • Anna

      Reply Reply August 13, 2013

      I mean if he loves you and wants to commit but says he can’t due to insecurity issues. He wouldn’t commit to anyone. How do we know if he’s never going to open up ever or if he’s still open to being influenced?

      • kris

        Reply Reply October 30, 2013

        I think we wait and hope the emotional unavailable guy were with Will change. I know I do I’m trying to end it with someone that just tears my heart apart over and over. Tells me how I do it for him and every other love thing u can think of. But he won’t completley give himself to me. It’s pretty painful…

  • David Lara

    Reply Reply August 1, 2013

    This is most retarded shit I have ever read. I had to opt out after point 2 because it was just that illogical.

    Point 1 basically describes every man in existence and point 2 is so illogical that it is literally hurting my brain trying to understand why you would even think such a thing.

    Problem: You’re thinking into it too much, trying to find gashes where there are scratches.

    Solution: Stop it. If a man does something he doesn’t automatically make him something else. He is he. You are you. A man is a man, let it be.

    • Candi

      Reply Reply September 29, 2013

      David,

      I am very cool and patient with guys, but how can you defend a guy never asking you out to dinner, etc. – only responding to sex? That is fine to want and love sex, but you should also respect her with dinner or going out. If not, you are the kind of guy most girls do not want to meet.

  • OhioPatriot

    Reply Reply June 11, 2013

    Asking a man to marry you “or else the relationship is over” is absurd. This is 2013, marriage is absolutely and totally meaningless, it has no value to it. I say this as a fundamentalist Christian and a Christian leader/teacher.

    Marriage is a legal contract, a business agreement. It is defined by the Ohio Bar Association as “a legal agreement between you, your spouse, and the state of Ohio.”

    I am not interested in inviting the state into my life anymore than they are already involved.

    If a man is sharing his house with you and is willing to have you as his woman, and is even willing to have children with you and raise them with you, then that is commitment. To call him commitment phobic because he refuses to sign a legal document that he gains nothing from and risks much by signing, is absurd.

    I will never enter into a legal marriage contract with any woman in the United States or in the Anglo/Western world as a whole for that matter.

  • Dawn

    Reply Reply May 26, 2013

    I loved this article about commitment phobic men. Even though my “so-called” boyfriend has been married twice before, his last relationship of ten years was spent living apart from her.
    We live together, not by choice, but by necessity, (we were both out of work when we met, and I was scared of loosing my house).
    Bottom line, here are my tell tale signs.
    1) refuses to sleep in my room, prefers his own
    2) at 11 months no one in his family or previous work colleagues or friends knows where or who he is living with (I have not met a single person from his life)
    3) I am still not on his facebook, but did recently add me to his linked in because he wanted an endorsement
    4) he can’t make love without fantacizing about me with other men, even though I have said this bothers me.
    5) refuses to let me make the first move…it’s always on his terms..won’t let me touch him affectionately outside the bedroom…never shows any signs of PDA…often walks ahead of me in stores and out in public..which is rare, prefers to do those things without me
    6) although he says he wants a life with me, still has not changed his driver’s licence to my address, has not changed his bank branch or pharmacy to where he now lives…
    7) any time I try to get to know him better by asking about his childhood favorite things, or other stuff he gets down right defensive and angry.
    8) he is often verbally, emotionally abusive and often passive aggressive
    9) he only tells me what I need to hear, (I have asked him to leave three times) “Oh but I do love you’, never ever said this when we have sex…. it certainly isn’t “lovemaking”
    10) gets very angry if I need to call him on his cell, rarely if ever calls me back. When my tire exploded on the Gardiner Expressway he didn’t call me back until 5 and half hours later

    • sadiesays

      Reply Reply September 19, 2013

      He’s gay and you are convenient. Kick him out. Seriously, why?

    • kris

      Reply Reply October 30, 2013

      Wow ur a Christian leader….scarey…and what bible do u read…

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