5 Signs He is NOT an Alpha Male

he is not an alpha male

When I decided to leave my ex boyfriend for my now husband, one thing made this choice obvious to me. I mean it was as clear as Day: my ex was never going to ‘take care’ of me. I took care of him, in many ways.

This is the one reason I even began this blog: I finally found my true feminine core; I stopped pretending,  and realised how powerful feminine energy is. I had attracted my ex and gotten in to a  terrible relationship where I was the man because I had to be the man for myself, and I spent a lot more time in my masculine energy.  I thought I had to BE that to get love.

The relationship didn’t work out. It never was going to; as my auntie told me about my ex: “he needs someone who can tell him what to do. You are not that woman.”

Huh? Tell him what to DO? It took me years to understand what she meant. Having a strong masculine man in my life to share passion with, to love and to build a life with, is the most important thing to me. And nothing is more important to me.

Not my work, not my looks, not anything. That’s the way it is for me. It’s important that I have an alpha male because it makes me feel like a girl again, and I feel protected. It’s a MUST that my man be very masculine and to own himself.

I don’t mind being told what to do because I know he cares, and I enjoy giving up the lead (and letting him lead) more than anything. That may not work for you. Find what works for you.

If you are with a submissive man, or a beta male, and you feel awkward in your body, be honest! Don’t ignore it. There’s a reason for it.

Just because you can fight for yourself, drive a car (women didn’t even used to drive; men used to do all the driving at one point in history), make you own damn money, have children without a man, DOESN’T mean you don’t crave a man more than you crave anything else. Yet it can make you feel terribly vulnerable to admit that, LET ALONE feel that in your own heart, true?

It is my belief that women around the world have been lying to themselves; thinking they don’t ‘need’ a man.

Well, I need a man. NOT to survive. I don’t need a man to survive. I don’t even need a man to live well. But I need a man because I want to need a man. NOT to be needy, but because I simply find nothing lights me up more than having my husband around me, holding me when I fall, protecting me when someone hurts me.

If it so happens that he passes away (god forbid), then I’ll make my own way; I’ll find my way; but for now, I yearn to need him and I enjoy craving his energy and the passion that we have together.

This is  NEED that I choose to have; because I am OK with making myself vulnerable to a man who is worthy of my trust; and I am OK with loving him and yet at the same time; fearing that he might leave or go away.

How I found the Right Man…

If you are a subscriber to my Free newsletters, you would know the story of me ex boyfriend and how I came to be with my now husband. But to FIND that, took a lot of pain. I had bad past relationships, and it wasn’t UNTIL I decided for real what I wanted and stopped listening to every other person in my life that I got lucky.

I found my one, and there is no other man for me. And that is exactly what I hope for you. If that’s what you want.

My own struggle and BAD choices in the past is the reason why I believe in being honest about your desire for an alpha male; and I believe in this for you, too, if it is truly what you desire.

It’s NOT that I think an alpha male is better; he’s just better for me. He may not be better for you. It’s a choice you need to make.

If you are a woman who in her heart, really, really wants a man who TAKES you places, who throws you on the bed, picks you up and swings you around, or who is an enlightened being who tells you what to do (from a place of care), then this post is for you. (read my post about why every woman should look up to their man)

What kind of man do you REALLY want? Feel it in your body, and Go with it!

You may want to be a very bossy woman and be in control, but you don’t actually feel OPEN and happy, or fulfilled doing that; so be careful who you choose; before you get stuck in a situation that you don’t want to be in where you feel absolutely suffocated.

And then blame him for not eing the man you want. WAIT; you CHOSE him! And there was a reason you chose him.

For example, if you are a highly successful woman, who runs circles around people, who has a degree and can take care of everything better than a man and ENJOYS bossing a man around BUT there’s a small part of you who DOES want an asshole (or an enlightened spiritual man who holds you up when you fall, and who even tells you what to do, then you need to really decide what kind of man you want).

Maybe you are happy with a man who lets you boss him around most of the time, BUT still has the ability to take that role off of you 20% of the time.

Just remember; an alpha male won’t want you to take that role very much at all; he won’t be attracted to that. Maybe he will be able to appreciate it after being with you for several years, and through growing together with you and learning to trust you; but definitely not when you start dating. You can’t attract a High Value, High Status male with bossy-ness, an unsmiling face, swaying shoulders, and a ‘heavy’ vibe.

Beware of these if you are in a Long-term Relationship!

Having said that, if you are in a long term relationship right now, take these 5 indicators LIGHTLY. They do not hard core apply to YOU all the time, because when you spend THAT much time with someone, you realise that we all have moments where we slip in to different roles and he might have done something once or twice that indicated he was a beta male but really he isn’t.

And that is normal, and natural and there’s nothing wrong with that. Just like you show up in your masculine energy sometimes, no matter how beautifully feminine or motherly you are 80% of the time.

If you’re dating…

This post is for you if you are single and dating and want a strong alpha male and want to sift through the men who perhaps won’t be that strength for you when you need him to be. I don’t know about you – but I know when I was dating, it was INCREDIBLY helpful to have signs to go by, before wasting time with someone who isn’t right for you.

What is an Alpha Male?

In today’s day and age, because most of us do not live in tribes anymore, the alpha male might not be as OBVIOUS, so that’s why I believe signs are more important.

Thousands (even millions) of years ago, it was obvious who the alpha male was; he was the guy who lead the tribe, who got the pick of ALL the women, and fathered most of the tribe’s population!

But of course, other men hated that because they didn’t get the opportunity to pass on their genes; one man commandeered all the female reproductive resources; so of course, the society we have today works MUCH better for most of us; where, for some of us, we can be UNEMPLOYED and still pass on our genes.

Hell, we can live off the government, be on drugs, and still Pass on our genes. Not good; but it still happens.

Yet; as a woman, you can feel whether a man is a dominant or submissive man, right?

Here is how I define an Alpha Male

In today’s day and age, signs that a man is an alpha male are signs that he has a strong masculine energy; that he is not afraid to be dominant and to hold his ground.

Just because a man is an alpha male doesn’t mean he can’t have a well developed feminine energy, too. Remember that! It’s simply because he’s more multi-dimensional.

Dominant, BUT in what Way?

Now for some men, they’ll be the ‘dominant asshole’, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing; it depends how he shows up as that asshole. And some women still like this type of man, and it works for them, which is great!

Or, you get the (rare) enlightened man who is spiritual and still very clearly alpha; or has a strong masculine energy. These men are rare; and it takes a well developed feminine energy to create attraction and develop a relationship with this type of man.

And sometimes, it’s hard to tell what man is what, so that’s where some indicators come in really handy!

Here are the 5 indicators that a man is not an Alpha Male:

1) When socializing and talking, he often talks in a way that puts other people down.  For me, there really is no faster indication that this man has a very weak masculine energy. Not only because he’s insecure, that’s not even half of the reason! The reason why this is a sure-fire indicator that a man is not an alpha male is because alpha males are far more centered and focused than that! In order to look to put others down indirectly or directly, it just shows his lack of ability to focus and the lack of direction in his life.

Men who have a sense of mission, and who are focused, don’t have the brain space to look for ways to gossip and TALK about how other people are less than, or are losers.

Plus, lengthy discussion and gossip is something women do. Look out for this one. I really can’t stand men who gossip in a way that puts other down; because I can feel their lack of authenticity.

Sure, sometimes we all have to gossip and maybe tell it like it is; but there’s a difference between telling it like it is and having most of what comes out of your mouth be a put down or criticism of other people. Gossip is a form of sharing of feminine energy – not a strong masculine energy.

2) Other women don’t pay attention, and aren’t interested in listening to him when he speaks.

An alpha male more often than not, has the ability to engage people and is not afraid to engage people. Always take a man out with some of your girlfriends. Firstly; if he cares about you; he won’t avoid it.

If he just wants sex, he’ll try to avoid it. If he comes along, observe what he’s like with your friends. It’s not a secret that if a man is standing and talking, and a few women are looking at him, his attractiveness to women automatically goes up incredibly, studies have proved this, and it is in the subconscious female mind.

It’s a kind of ‘pre-selection’; ie: other women are willing to give him the time of day; other women like him, which means A LOT in the female mind when it comes to choosing the best man. It also helps you feel more secure choosing him.

3) He seeks approval. A big one.

Any man with a strong masculine energy will listen to a woman’s opinion, but take it in to consideration.

An alpha male is so strong in his choices; and he is so stable in his own choices that other people’s opinion only count for so much. HIS choices matter the most.

If he’s seeking approval from other women especially, then observe carefully.

The way I learned this was through my ex. This is a very extreme example. It’s almost….too weird to share. But I’m ok with that.

I used to have to reassure him that his jeans looked ok on him. Not once. Not even twice, and no, not thrree times, but over and over again! Yikes!

See, I know what a bad idea it is to be the man in a relationship when it isn’t natural for you (and it definitely wasn’t natural for me). No wonder I couldn’t stand him; I stayed because I didn’t know any better. AND because I thought it was cool to have everything ‘under control’. Thank Goodness I now know better. (read my article about how to get out of your painful relationship now)

4) He never knows where his keys and wallet are.

You can test this out with a (literal) and fun test, if you are far along enough in the dating process to be able to do this. Have his back turned to where his keys and wallet are and in a playful and excited voice; ask him: “without looking around, where are your keys? And also where is your watch?”

Are you wondering what this has to do with anything? Well; A LOT! Think about it….masculine energy is very directed. A man can’t be a hunter, or fight at war, or take charge of anything if his mind and eyes are lazy and wandering all over the place; he has to have some sort of direction.

I don’t care how long ago men were hunters; it is in their DNA, males have (over the course of millions and millions of years) trained themselves to properly and efficiently hunt.

And a man who is mostly living in his masculine energy and who has a strong masculine energy, will KNOW where he keeps his keys! Why? Because his keys are the reason he can GO or drive anywhere, in the direction he wants to go.

If he loses things all the time; do you feel good? Do you trust him? Or do you just think he’s cute?

Remember that masculine energy is directional – it knows where it’s going; and if it doesn’t, it finds out – or pretends to know, at least for that moment :) A man with a weaker masculine energy most of the time; won’t mind you telling him where to go, and he’ll relax and enjoy that. An alpha male or a very masculine man will probably ignore you instead if you tried. And thank goodness! Finally! A man you can respect!

5) The complainer. You already knew that in your gut though, didn’t you? The man who complains about work, about his boss, about his ex, about his mother, and his father.

The man who has a bad shoulder injury and goes on and on about it. Oh, and ENJOYS telling the story of how bad it is and how it happened over and over and over and over again.

Complaints complaints complaints.

So…..Where or when does he have any time to actually take the problem at hand and deal with it?

WELL! He’s not even looking to deal with the problem. He just wants to blurt a bunch of complaints out. Good for him! But maybe not so good for you if you want a passionate relationship with him!

Talking through things and being hurt and upset or even complaining is what you and I do together, as women, because our natural feminine instinct is not to solve any problems. Connection is the lifeblood of the feminine.

We just need to connect, talk, and 2 hours later; WAH-LA! We feel better, and it’s like that other problem didn’t exist. (what was the original problem again??)

The bounce returns to our step and we are ready to move on to the next thing. If a man is more towards the alpha male on a spectrum of Beta -> Alpha, then he will not complain, but rather, eliminate (move away from), or SOLVE the problem.

Not solving the problem makes him feel like less of a man.

I was happy to finally find a man who didn’t complain, after dating several men.

Looking at my husband’s personality, I cannot remember even once where he complained about anything.  And of course, I adore him for it.

When I realised this about him; it was like a huge light bulb went off in my head (and in my heart); this taught me A LOT about the past men I dated, and how they were nothing compared to the man I have now.

Contrast, baby. Contrast.

And, the best thing about this is that I can trust him to be a man; so I can relax and be a woman. If you’re looking for a passionate relationship where you are taken care of, this is an important one, so look out for it!

Before I found my husband, men used to try to lure me in by telling me how bad their ex girlfriend was and how they don’t have enough sex and how their work is crap…and this is without me even asking; so their complaints were not really in context of an ongoing conversation!

They were random, inauthentic attempts to get my attention. No thanks! Next!

There are a lot of other indicators that a man is not an Alpha Male. Have you experienced any of these Signs with the men you’ve dated? Share it with us! Do you have any comments to add to the mix? Leave a comment below sharing it with us. :)

And one last thing: if you are looking for ways to screen out immature men, I give you all the right questions to ask a man to test him and how good his character is: http://understanding-men-live.com/

Renee the feminine woman

230 Comments

  • him

    Reply Reply April 23, 2014

    Nothing wrong with an asshole leaving an asshole behind too, toss examinations overboard, one male is an alpha male in one womens’ eyes, anyone willing to write this and anyone willing to listen to this has their nose way up in the air and shouldn’t be listened to.. alpha male this.. get ready to be unhappy.

  • Brokebythetruth

    Reply Reply April 9, 2014

    alphas get women thrown at them day in n out, how long untill he gives into that temptation?we all know we’re wired differently and You are fooling yourself into thinking u can tame a alpha forever, he submits to you and slowly becomes beta, you lose intrest and leave or cheat, or he stays the alpha and more than likely cheats on you or replaces u when u get old, you can’t ignore instinct,

    there’s no middle ground, n by the time u hit 30 it’s all down hill, we’ve all been cheated by society and our DNA it’s a hard pill to swallow but hey we all going to die one day anyway,do what makesu happy, do what helps you get most sleep, single n lonely, married and unhappy, beta and unfulfilled or alpha and living in fear, oh n a true alpha male doesent buy you stuff you buy him stuff he sees him selfs as the prize not the other away around

  • Brokebythetruth

    Reply Reply April 9, 2014

    alphas get women thrown at them day in n out, how long till he gives into temptation?we all know we’re wired differently and Your fooling yourself into thinking u can tame a alpha forever either he submits and slowly becomes beta and you lose intrest in the ltr or he stays the alpha and more than likely cheats on you or replaces u when u get old, can’t ignore instinct, there’s no middle ground, n by the time u hit 30 it’s all down hill, we’ve all been cheated by society and our DNA it’s a hard pill to swallow but hey we all going to die one day anyway,do what makesu happy, do what helps you get most sleep, single n lonely, married and unhappy, beta and unfulfilled or alpha and living in fear

  • The Warder

    Reply Reply April 2, 2014

    the sad american cultural idea of worshipping the DUMB, IMPULSIVE, GORILLA LIKE alpha over a non “mans-man” who truly respects women…Or atleast those worthy of respect. I have shared my opinion, hate on it those of you who chose. I’ve seen this junk play out all the time…And i, in a married, appreciative relationship cynically despise it. So nothing can affect me.

  • Johanna

    Reply Reply March 23, 2014

    Wow! Finally I got a weblog from where I can truly obtain
    helpful information regarding my study and knowledge.

  • Anuroop

    Reply Reply March 20, 2014

    Every Women love men who are Delinquents…Knows that through personal experience…Yes,women do some times act ignorant…but eventually they just admit defeat & becomes your Girl…when i ask them,they all said the same thing… that there is no women out there who don’t like tough men…Especially delinquents who are not shy & just be natural at what ever they do…no fakes…no masks…can see through delinquents as clear as sky…Truthful,Tough & Natural…Their Manliness is there hotness…(every girl i met said the same thing but not the exact words)…Delinquents Rule…;)

    • The Warder

      Reply Reply April 2, 2014

      …Delinquents do not abide by the civilized laws of society, or culture. they are an abomination to existence. Alone in this opinion I might be, quite frankly…You Sicken me.

  • Allan

    Reply Reply March 16, 2014

    Only in Western countries are women so mentally ill to think the way you portrait men in this article. Bottom line: Most of you have no purpose to a man other than a sperm depository. None of you can be trusted because you will sue us in divorce court the second we do or say something you don’t like and try to take our stuff. You have overpriced your vaginas which are nothing more than a smelly toxic stink hole. Smart men don’t waste their time with American trash. We find women overseas that aren’t fat and nasty like American women

    • Renee Wade

      Reply Reply March 16, 2014

      LOL. Smelly toxic stink hole. That’s kinda how I feel about your mouth at the moment Allan!

      But to be more serious…I know women suck. Quite often, in America, I hear. But you attracted the women you dated, didn’t you?

      • Serena

        Reply Reply March 16, 2014

        LOL that reply made me laugh Renee :P

        Though she’s got a point Allan. Though some women might have a nasty attitude as you say, the way you talk about women is disgusting. I’m guessing that

        A) You’ve had bad experiences with women that have scared you emotionally for life and you think, since then, that women have no other purpose that “being a sperm depository”. or

        B) You’re just a racist, douche bag who judges a whole nation of women without necessarily seeing the facts.

        Hell I’m not a westerner (I’m exotic :P ), but this kind of hurtful attitude is unacceptable. Go express your butt hurt hate somewhere else with other low value men please.

        As Renee said, YOU attracted the women you dated. Nasty attracts nasty.

        • Allan

          Reply Reply March 16, 2014

          So you are stupid too now I see. This has nothing to do with race. When did I mention race? I never said ALL women were bad just most. You vaginas cheat just as much as men do and you sell you disease ridden blood dripping yeast infection producing stink hole to desperate men who stupidly pay for a whiff of it. Honey, my penis has just as much value as that stale tuna thing you have going on. I will not pay you in the form of gifts, free cars and travel, dates, and free houses to use that ugly thing you have. I get all the women I need without paying for it. You call me a douche bag? You are a CUNT with a capital C. And yes, women are sperm depositories. That’s what your pussy is for, dear

          • Katelyn

            Reply Reply March 16, 2014

            I don’t imagine that you get very many women. Not even so much the quantity, but to have such a negative view of women is quite saddening. Yes, there are plenty of women out there who will take advantage of a man and take him for all he’s worth but not all.

            In my experience men aren’t necessarily just out to deposit their sperm into millions of women. In fact, there are plenty of men that do have respect for woman. Appreciate being taking advantage of and manipulated, NO. But I don’t believe that there are just men such as yourself that think their God’s gift to women and it’s all the women who are horrible. Perhaps, you would benefit from self reflection. Then, maybe the less “toxic” women will be attracted to you.

          • Serena

            Reply Reply March 16, 2014

            Katelyn, behind every man like Allan, is a boy with a broken, insecure heart. Let’s just not comment and leave him to solve his own issues.

            We have better men to give our energy to anyway ;)

          • Scott Z

            Reply Reply March 16, 2014

            You portray yourself as a shockingly unpleasant person, Allan.

          • Rick

            Reply Reply March 21, 2014

            Toxic stink holes? You’re either gay (not that there’s anything wrong with that) or you’ve been stuffing your 5 incher in some low class chicks. Maybe if you raise your standards and drop the bitter-man-with-a-small dick act you’ll start getting some quality pootang.

            • Allan

              Reply Reply March 21, 2014

              Only a woman would write a comment about that since you don’t even know who I am, you moron. I stand by more original statement. MOST women in the USA are nothing but fat bitchy loud mouthed STD carrying whores trying to sell the their stale tuna fish smelling vaginas to the highest bidder. I wouldn’t pay you 10 cents to use that high mileage blood dripping yeast infected second anus you are trying to cash in on, BITCH. Only stupid men pay for pussy

              • him

                Reply Reply April 23, 2014

                Bravo Allan, bravo, women like this…. women like this…. if you can call them that, its our experience that speaks. I had a girl who left me over a hospital stay.. or so it goes…. I looked to her to support me out, two weeks later she was in hand with another guy, shes now single with a kid…. kudos for raising the kid but come on! strength begets strength, otherwise strength will strike down an image…. tell these girls, GIRLS have fun being happy!!!! They got maybelline on their side, or whatever that makeup is….

      • Anuroop

        Reply Reply March 20, 2014

        Every Women love men who are Delinquents…Knows that through personal experience…Yes,women do some times act ignorant…but eventually they just admit defeat & becomes your Girl…when i ask them,they all said the same thing… that there is no women out there who don’t like tough men…Especially delinquents who are not shy & just be natural at what ever they do…no fakes…no masks…can see through delinquents as clear as sky…Truthful,Tough & Natural…Their Manliness is there hotness…(every girl i met said the same thing but not the exact words)…Delinquents Rule…;)

    • A

      Reply Reply March 16, 2014

      I hear some men date women who have similar qualities as their mom. That could explain how they attract smelly toxic stink holes.

      • Serena

        Reply Reply March 16, 2014

        LOL

    • Niko

      Reply Reply March 17, 2014

      What good does it do to attack women directly? Sure, everyone knows that in this artificial plastic culture in the U.S. And Western Europe is producing by far the most useless, skill-less women who have EVER walked the earth (ironically, with the biggest egos too) –but it’s not their fault.

      This isn’t a war between women and men; it’s a war between alpha men and the beta males who own the mass media and direct 80% of their sissy gay propaganda at females (fact). Google “who runs Hollywood?” Homosexuals run it, the same men who funded “feminism” which is an extension of Communisim (class warfare for the home). It’s all bullshit used to undermine family life.

      Dude, American women have murdered 55 million babies since 1974. They are utterly lost overall, as are the deliberately feminized boys/males who supports them.

      Find out who owns the media –movies, TV, book/magazine publishing, radio, etc.– and the world will start to make sense.

      Our women need our protection from the media masters, and certainly need help intellectually understanding what has been done to them by powerful men who tell them what to think, what to buy, who to be, ex. with their trillion dollar mass media.

      Those Marxists homosexual men hate our culture, love to degrade our women via the porn industry that they own too, dilberately wish to destroy the American man and break up the family. They have turned women into cheap sluts and mothers into baby killers, and men into metrosexuals jellyfish.

      WAKE UP. Time to cowboy up.

  • Katelyn

    Reply Reply February 25, 2014

    Hi there Renee!

    I have certainly noticed some of these problems in men that have previously tried to get my attention. Especially numbers one and two! As I was reading this article a particular man stood out in my head. I don’t remember much about this man; just that he would attack any of the man that I FOUND ATTRACTIVE. He would say things like “Well, I have a cool car and he doesn’t! He can’t treat you special because he’s too busy being an asshole. He must be gay if he doesn’t want to sleep with you!” and lastly, he would say things like, “Well, I’m such a nice guy, but women just ignore me.” I distinctly remember that when I was around this man that I felt exceptionally uncomfortable, not in the “oh I have so much admiration for you” type of uncomfortableness, but more of a “Oh, I feel like I would be the one that would have to be the man if I ever accepted his attention.” I remember talking to some of the other girls in the dorms, and how he was damn clingy and how we always felt so suffocated any time he was around.

    The one time I needed a ride downtown and I didn’t know who else to ask for at this moment in time I didn’t really know any one else who had a car. He agreed to take me down so I could return my rental book to the UPS store.We were then going to get lunch and I was under the impression that if he was offering then he was going to pay for it. He was then like, “Oh, you thought that I was going to pay?” in such a way that I perceived to be like “why in the hell would I ever do that?! You stupid woman!” We then went to the mall and looked at some things. I decided that I wanted to look at lingerie because I like to imagine myself wearing it and feeling super sexy and feminine. Out of nowhere he says, “Your boobs don’t belong in lingerie, but you have a great ass.” At this point I was fairly fed up and just wanted to go home, but I didn’t want to go home with him. I was willing to take the bus alone (which I never really do. I always ask another girlfriend to come with me ’cause the bus stop at the mall is sketchy). He then drove me to the bus stop and was all like, “If you ever need a good f***ing you can always call me.” My ovaries had this immediate reaction of, “EW!! NO THANKS!”

    I was super excited when I had met my man and he never said things like that. There was never any, ‘Oh I’ll invite you somewhere and then make YOU pay even though I acted like I was going to treat you like you were special.” I remember asking him, “Are we going to go to dinner together?” and he responded “Well, I thought that that was implied when I asked you on a date?”. I then asked him “Should I bring money?” and he says “I’m paying!” And I was beaming when he said that! It was like, “You get it! I’m a woman not a man, and I don’t want to act like a man! I don’t want to be a man!”

    Seeing such a contrast between these two men really opened my eyes and my heart, that I wanted and wanted to need a man like the second and nothing like the first. The second made me feel more like a woman and treated me like a princess! I didn’t feel suffocated by the second man and my respect for the second man greatly increased. I admired this man and never once questioned his masculinity!

    Anyways, that’s what this article reminded me of. I feel that if a man is constantly clinging to you and constantly seeking you out and asking for you to hang out with him, that he’s probably not an alpha male. That’s not to say that I don’t enjoy my male friends, but it’s nothing like when I’m interacting with my girlfriends. When a man is constantly seeking out the attention of a woman, I feel that he is seeking her approval and that there is little to no self validation from within himself. This causes me to LOOSE respect for a man that behaves like this. I feel that men should have enough confidence, direction, ambition, goals/dreams, and self validation from within that they do not need to have outside validation or be given a sense of direction from the outside.

    • him

      Reply Reply April 23, 2014

      How about get some companionship, any other way speaks worlds about a chick, CHICK. How about you be his flipping partner, if you were ANYTHING to him, he probably would feel like taking on the world…. Maybe just maybe you complete him, well up until you typed this….

    • him

      Reply Reply April 23, 2014

      YOU< YOU < AND YOU!!!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU QUESTIONING WHAT YOUR MAN IS!! SO FUCKING WHAT< WHAT THIS CHICK SAYS!! LOOK AT HER PICTURE!!!!

  • Lisa

    Reply Reply February 15, 2014

    I guess this is more a request for advice than a comment… I’ll preface this by saying while I am an accomplished woman in my professional life I deeply value a traditional relationship where I can follow a the lead of a strong man. I thought I had that in my fiance, but since we have moved in together Im finding out he is not the man I thought he was. He is reacting to handling the “manly” aspects of home and just life in general with high drama, complaints, and frenzy. Most recent example of how he operates..he allowed our neighbor to clear all of the snow from driveway from the recent 15″ snowfall and dump it onto a large section of our driveway. Now I come home from a long day at work and have nowhere to put my car because our driveway is filled with snow. I know he was trying to be nice to the neighbors but this really bothered me. I am a huge believer in your home being your castle, so it seems deeply wrong to allow someone to literally dump their refuse on our property.

    I love him very much and think he is a great guy, but Im not sure if I should end this relationship or if there is any way to get him to “man up” for lack of a better term. I haven’t really brought this up to him because I don’t want to say or do anything that will hurt his manhood but Im finding myself feeling unprotected and vulnerable, because Im sensing he doesn’t have the foresight to protect me or our home from harm. As the time progresses I find myself losing respect for him as a man and its making me feel cold towards him, which I am trying not to project.
    I’m never disrespectful to him and Im not one of those women that just beat down their men–so I’ll put that out there now. Should I talk to him and tell him how I feel? Is there anything I can do to get him to embrace being more “manly”? Or do I bail and find a man that is already “wired” the way I need him to be? Constructive insight or feedback is greatly appreciated.

    • Niko

      Reply Reply February 15, 2014

      Lisa:

      The best advise I can give is to begin to understand intellectually what the media has done to our society as a whole; both men and women have been manipulated to behave inorganically for decades.

      Go to YouTube and search for “Alex Jones – Real men and women”

      That’s a good place to start. Search for Alex Jones videos with the key words “Feminisim” and “Weak Men” and also “Feminism is poison”

      Feminism is a poisonous lie that has destroyed millions of marriages and countless millions of children’s lives. For decades now boys and men have been trained and conditioned to act in a weak manner in the name of feminism, they believe it’s what women want (due to the mass medial manipulation). But the more masculine men become the less feminine women too become.

      The matrix is real.

    • Niko

      Reply Reply February 15, 2014

      Lisa:

      I apologize for the typo.

      What I meant to say was that the less masculine men behave, the less feminine women become. It’s a un-natural dynamic that will poison the relationship.

      The Marxist media thinks they can change nature with social conditioning. But all they have done is destroy lives.

      Mother Nature is unchangeable. The she-wolf followers her alpha mate. His instincts are strong and protective of his female and his territory. All mammals are like this, all primates. Humans are primates.

      I wish you and your man luck on your journey toward greater enlightenment. Remember: it’s not his fault, help him understand, and then both of you grow stronger TOGETHER.

      • lisa

        Reply Reply February 15, 2014

        Thanks Niko, and I agree with you 100%. When a man is weaker the woman tends to pick up the slack, take the lead, and over function. Then we get resentful and things spiral out of control. I am a feminist–not by conventional bra burning standards, but in the sense I want to preserve the balance in our roles.

        • Niko

          Reply Reply February 17, 2014

          In today’s world, feminism is the root of all evil.

          The less feminine women behave, the less masculine men become. I think you fail to understand that women, not men, have over 90% of marxisit media directed at them. Women file over 80% of divorce.

          I am trying to help you, Lisa.

          Search for a short video called: “The flip side of Feminisim”

          It’s by an ex-feminist leader.

          You can thank me later.

          • lisa

            Reply Reply February 21, 2014

            Thanks, I have read the book the video describes. What I mentioned before doesn’t contradict any of the points made in it. The definition of feminism that I subscribe to is one that supports women being able to embrace the traditional female roles. Women overfunction nowadays, which is the problem. You raise a really interesting point about the economics behind this decline of mens/women’s relationships. I’m not sure if it would be Marxist ideology, but I think that the narrowing of the middle class is forcing many women’s hands. I know that if my fiance earned enough to support the both of us, I would certainly be happy to stay home. With the rising prices of gas, food,etc..he simply cannot do it alone and I must keep working. I think many women feel the same way whether or not they want to admit it. Thanks for your feedback though. I am working on our relationship with the understandings you provided :)

  • Briana

    Reply Reply November 22, 2013

    I wonder if my boyfriend is losing his male dominance. He is in good shape and toned, but lacks strength alpha males seem to have. The other day he was overpowered by a twelve year old boy in a wrestling class at our gym, and he is 30 and bigger than the boy (he tried and almost cried he was so embarrassed) He does not play physical sports like he use to, but likes to go shopping as much as I do.

    I don’t really mine. I am wondering if this is normal. He is alpha, or perhaps he can be alpha and wimpy. I wonder what has weakened him.

    • dave

      Reply Reply January 18, 2014

      YOU! you have weakened him mentally by having too much control over what he does and so the physical follows. wake up one morning and make no decisions, see what happens, he will have to make them again and become stronger. I hate women like you.

      • Vreneli

        Reply Reply January 21, 2014

        YOu might be right in what you say.. but Seems you have an anger issue dave?

    • Anna C

      Reply Reply January 18, 2014

      I think Dave is partially right. Let him lead for a while in the decision making, relax, and when he makes a mistake, don’t make him wrong. Just relax and take in his suggestions. If you don’t like what you hear, breathe it in for a while, consider it fully, and come back to him with your thoughts. For instance, if he says he wants to take you to an action movie, and you don’t like it… instead of instantly protesting, say… “well that movie doesn’t really interest me.” And see if you’re willing to go with him because he loves it, or he will have to see it with his friends. I mean, if you wanted to watch Sex & the City, does he sometimes cave & watch it with you or does he let you watch it with your friends. I’d follow his lead… if he watches it with you, I’d mirror his actions and watch the action movie with him. But if he suggests you see it with friends, I’d suggest the same. Ok that was a bad example. Perhaps he suggests you go to the Renaissance Festival with him. Instead of protesting (which I only assume you have, because you say he is losing his male dominance), consider how important it is to him and go and have fun, see a different side of him, and know he only asked you to make you happy & show you a good time. Slowly, let him make the decisions, and let him feel comfortable doing so by rewarding him. Ever heard of operant conditioning in psychology? Rewarding behavior helps the behavior continue. Everytime he does something “dominant” tell him how much you LOVE it and how excited that makes you feel… or jump him… or give him whatever type of reward he responds to. See if it works.

  • Sofia

    Reply Reply November 10, 2013

    The guy who was luring me used to compliant about his ex. Then he stop doing it bcos he said it was a bad idea doing that bcos he like me. Is this a good sign or what is?

  • K

    Reply Reply November 9, 2013

    The main problem I have with the article is its perception of femininity. I have seen a lot of this lately and frankly it is beginning to irritate me. “Play” and “maternal” and the assumption that feminine energy is not passionate, and strong is totally untrue. You label Gossip “Feminine energy” which REALLY is a poor choice – don’t put women down, as we don’t deserve it. In one of your points you say “women are not wired to solve problems”. I know a couple women for whom that is true, but I have to say in general I totally disagree. HUMANS are wired to solve problems and change their behaviour for a different, improved result. There is some sort of attempt to elevate lack of focus and automatically assume that women are not capable leaders. So, right away women, according to the article, starting out with a strong set of character traits which are automatically assigned to men. “To be the man in the relationship” is a phrase I heartily detest. Its only basis is from a historical circumstance, totally biased and only catering to less than half the population. Women are quite capable at solving problems, but we use more variables to solve them. We make connections – our brains do it automatically, and that is a strength. It can become a weakness, if not developed and nurtured, but when combined with leadership skills it is very powerful. Some people really need to be led – it seems you (author) are one of them, while some people really need an equal. I, for example, do not do well being led. I have a natural dominant streak and feel confident in my ability to lead, but a strong partner who knows their mind and where they are going are a must for me to have anything like a loving relationship – I love my partner because they are decisive, goal-oriented, and passionate, and we always make room for the other to have their own dominant sphere. At my last promotion, my partner did not try to steal my thunder. When they finished their grad programme, I took more of the supportive role – we recognize our “turf”, and respect it.

    • Renee Wade

      Reply Reply November 9, 2013

      Pardon? Nowhere in this article have I said women are not wired to solve problems.

      I did a search for this phrase on this entire page (“women are not wired to solve problems”) – and variations of this phrase and your comment is the only thing on this page with such words.

      As for “Gossip” – as bad as it can be, it serves a purpose in the social realm.

      Anyway, I’m interested – what is your definition of ‘solving a problem’ & the women who you say who do solve problems – HOW are you thinking they solve problems? Can you describe that to me?

      • Rob

        Reply Reply November 15, 2013

        Yeah I Have plenty one is find out if he’s a momma’s boy second does he drink a lot woman have great noses like a dog 3 is he a cross dresser? ends up wearing your cloths I was I talking to a woman that said that I was laughing she didn’tI said to her maybe I should join him, kidding of course.

        she wasn’t happy with that.You get one of dudes better start running fast.

      • arkady

        Reply Reply November 20, 2013

        You say piercingly true things that are bound to irritate the “modern” women – the feminists who try to be and act just like a guy and whose life’s mission is to prove that their penis is just as long as any guy’s.
        I very much appreciate your work and your mission of reminding women (or everyone) that men and women are different, and it’s a good thing, as differences is what makes us attractive to each other.

      • Budo

        Reply Reply November 28, 2013

        I always thought the alpha male was something that happened among primates and other animals not humans. But this blog really enlightened me about the human alpha males you desire so much. I have yet to see a objective standard for the value judgments you are placing on males but I am sure scientists are working on that. With that being said I have to call you out on some of the things you said here because they seem very odd to me and it is fun to do so.

        “I don’t mind being told what to do because I know he cares, and I enjoy giving up the lead (and letting him lead) more than anything.”

        So you would rather listen to someone and follow just because he is masculine (or alpha male) and he “cares.” Rather than bother to think for yourself and evaluate his judgment with your own capacity for rational thinking.

        “Thousands (even millions) of years ago, it was obvious who the alpha male was; he was the guy who lead the tribe, who got the pick of ALL the women, and fathered most of the tribe’s population!”

        Millions of years ago humans did not exist. But can you provide a historical reference that things were this way thousands of years ago.

        ‘there’s a small part of you who DOES want an asshole (or an enlightened spiritual man who holds you up when you fall, and who even tells you what to do, then you need to really decide what kind of man you want).’

        Didn’t realize assholes were such enlightened spiritual beings.

        “Now for some men, they’ll be the ‘dominant asshole’, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing; it depends how he shows up as that asshole. And some women still like this type of man, and it works for them, which is great!”

        This is not great you are doing a disservice to women everywhere. Being with a dominant asshole is a psychological sign of low self esteem in many women who put up with abusive relationships.

        • practicalh

          Reply Reply November 28, 2013

          *It’s quite possible that what the guy tells you to do is the right thing to do that you don’t mind anyway, so being told what to do does not have to contradict what you wanted to do or wouldn’t mind doing anyway.

          * I believe Renee says asshole “or” and enlightened individual. She never says it’s the same guy.

          * Dominant asshole sounds pretty bad, but assuming that this means that the guy is abusive as probably assuming too much.

          * Renee does an incredible service to women, as she is one of the very few who face the truth about gender dynamics and doesn’t hide behind silly, hypocritical feminist slogans and works pretty hard to not allow so many women to fall victims to their own sheepish desire to be way too independent and way too masculine, thereby becoming sexually repulsive to the opposite sex.

          • Scott Z

            Reply Reply November 29, 2013

            “fall victims to their own sheepish desire to be way too independent and way too masculine, thereby becoming sexually repulsive to the opposite sex”

            By “opposite sex”, do you mean ‘ALL heterosexual men’? I ask because I too often misinterpret things.

            I think Renee does a great service to women whose preferences in a romantic partner are similar to her own, and also to men who prefer romantic partners similar to her.

            • practicalh

              Reply Reply November 29, 2013

              I of course cannot speak on behalf of all men, but I can speak on behalf of myself and many other guys I know, have known and specifically asked. There are men out there of course who like strong, domineering women.

              • Scott Z

                Reply Reply November 29, 2013

                Oh, okay. Thank you for clarifying.

          • Budo

            Reply Reply November 29, 2013

            practicalh:

            Yes it’s possible that a guy tells you to consistently do the right thing, but is it probable? In order for his advice to work he has to be a reasonable person but Renee does not make that a necessary and sufficient condition. The only condition stated is that he has to be masculine and caring. Further even if we assume the “alpha male” is masculine, caring and reasonable it does not mean he will be consistently reasonable. In fact many reasonable people sometimes hold unreasonable beliefs (I can cite research on this phenomenon). This is why evaluating the reasons behind his advice is probably a more important method to assess whether his advice should be followed rather than basing your decisions on his masculinity or capacity for caring. Of course this is no big deal if you are just out and having fun, many women like men to take charge and show them a good time because it is exciting for them. In that case the man’s actions or whether you choose to lead or follow has no serious consequences. But for serious decisions it seems like a strange way to go about things. Let me give you an example:

            Imagine we decided who to follow or who is a credible authority in our society on the basis of masculinity. How do you think a society like that would function? Take Stalin for instance he was very masculine and definitely a strong alpha male type, but many people would not regard the things he did as politically reasonable. He was a terrible leader and a monster.

            I’m sure Renee was not thinking of Stalin when she was writing this but what she is saying is totally consistent with this example. The best way to weed out unreasonable judgments and opinions is by engaging in argumentation and public discussion, the way we are doing right now, and evaluating whether the reasons are justified for a given proposition. Simply following others is what sheep do and it can be very dangerous.

            As for your second point about assholes, once again it’s a matter of semantics. There are a wide variety of assholes. There are the fun loving assholes who are simply being assholes for comedic value. I’m guilty of that, sometimes being an asshole is funny but if you can spin it in such a way to make people laugh as opposed to seriously hurting someone. I know women who dated serious assholes though, people who are not doing it to play games but instead seriously believe that women are inferior to them. Some women want these kinds of guys but they are in no way good for their self esteem and well being.

            • practicalh

              Reply Reply November 29, 2013

              Thanks for your thoughts. I never understood why women who are attractive physically and otherwise put up with all kinds of physical and emotional abuse, and I still don’t. The few I have known did not appear to have low self esteem. Perhaps they were naturally forgiving and also believed that people can change. They don’t realize that going from abusive to not abusive is usually not a matter of one apology or one conversation but it takes months or years of therapy, and the results are still not guaranteed.

              • Budo

                Reply Reply November 29, 2013

                Well I’m glad we have an understanding. A few of my friends that I cared about have been affected for such ways.

            • rivs

              Reply Reply November 29, 2013

              Man where do you sophists come from?

              The Stalin example is a red herring and a misleading vividness fallacy. One detailed contradiction doesn’t spoil the statistical generalization. Nice attempt. Try again.

              • Budo

                Reply Reply November 29, 2013

                Do you look for a strong and masculine doctor when you get your medical check up Rivs?

                • rivs

                  November 29, 2013

                  Just as I thought. Doesn’t take much for the weasel mask to slip. Ay boss?

                • Budo

                  November 29, 2013

                  So you are saying I was wearing the mask of a weasel this entire time?

                • rivs

                  November 29, 2013

                  Ah feigned indignance. You move right out of the playbook don’t you?

                  What’s up with choosing Budo as your handle? You took the term keyboard warrior literally. Or was it that the name Bubbles was already taken?

              • Budo

                Reply Reply November 29, 2013

                Bubbles was taken.

                I don’t know what playbook is but it sounds like you are trying to score over the internet sir.

                • rivs

                  November 29, 2013

                  Sir? There you go again. You’re hiding underneath your veneer of false civility. You’ll do anything to get the last word. You just can’t help yourself with your gay innuendos.

                • Budo

                  November 29, 2013

                  Well you just had the last word would that not make you gayer than me? You know homophobic and people who accuse others of being gay tend to have a lot of repressed homosexual fantasies.

                • Parallel Universe Rivs

                  November 29, 2013

                  Hey guys I am a successful adult that does not insult people over the internet.

                  Sincerely,

                  Budo, I mean Parallel Universe Rivs!

                • Rivs

                  November 29, 2013

                  The strong masculine doctor fantasy came out of your skull bubba. And congrats on qualifying your masculinity and success to a complete stranger.

                  You just lost. haha, lame busters these days. What can you do.

      • janice

        Reply Reply April 2, 2014

        Yes you did….

        ” as women, because our natural feminine instinct is not to solve any problems.”

        that means women are not wired to solve problems.

        instinct is the wiring.

        and I digress. . . . women’s CONDITIONED feminine instinct is not to solve any problems and let the man do all the work because that’s how we’ve been socialized. like we are helpless and men are all powerful.

        being feminine does not mean being weak.

        I don’t agree with you.

        I solve my own problems first by catharsis (that’s the purging of emotions) and then by coming up with a plan on how to solve my problem. if I need help, I ask for it.

  • Rivs

    Reply Reply November 9, 2013

    I’ve always felt women are the best feedback to a male on how well he’s leading and on how strongly present he is.

    When I’m in a flow state and owning the present situation, all women become more feminine. The alpha women become more alpha, non-alpha women become more maternal and the insecure women become more insecure. Not just with me but also with each other.

  • Joe

    Reply Reply November 7, 2013

    I’m quite a bit of a feminine guy (who’s straight), and would like to comment on this article and this site. I came across this column while Googling “feminine men” and “finding a girlfriend,” since I was curious to read about people’s experiences.

    To make an understatement, these “pick-up artist” and John-Gray-type of materials and websites feel like a total alien world to me, and on a fundamental level, I just cannot relate to them. They also project far too many stereotypes about people — especially about those in particular minorities, such as feminine men. For example, none of the “5 signs” in this article describe me at all.

    To give you some personal background, I’m 35 years old, 5’9″ (179 cm), 165 lbs (75 kg), single, never married, have never had children, and *never want* to have kids nor raise them. (At age 10, I was unsure about whether or not I ever wanted children; at 15 years old, I absolutely knew I never wanted kids; and at age 25, had a vasectomy.) It’s not that I dislike kids; it’s just that raising them doesn’t spark my passion.

    I simply wasn’t born with a paternal or maternal instinct, nor with a “male ego” or “female ego” that most others take for granted. While I do have a masculine voice and mannerisms; my personality, hobbies, tastes, and interests could be considered ***androgynous*** — possibly 60% feminine and 40% masculine. The same is also true about how I view women, men, relationships, and life in general. I would describe myself as an individualist, feminist, and libertarian, and my Meyers-Briggs personality type is ISTP. But even as a staunch “thinker,” I also am very much in tune with my feelings, and have no problem sharing them.

    I usually prefer “chick flicks” over war/mafia movies; am a diehard fan of happy, sappy, bubbly dance-pop music and bright, rainbowy colors; and am a non-drinker and non-smoker who’s strongly into natural and holistic health practices. I also personally *abhor* grunge, bad smells, messy living spaces, and body hair; and shave my chest, arms, and legs regularly in addition to my face.

    If someone calls me “girly,” then I don’t take it as an insult, because I don’t perceive femininity to be a weakness. (An excellent video blog commentary discusses this subject: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lwnixd5FeKE ) If someone says I’m not “manly enough” in a sexist sort of way, then my response goes something like, “Guess what? I am *not* a ‘real man’! I’m a unique individual, and am darned proud of that.”

    (And I could care less what an “alpha male” is, either, nor do I really want to know.)

    While on a date, I’ll just relax and be myself, go Dutch, not try to “please her,” etc. If she likes me for who I am and we’re compatible,…great! If she or I just want to be friends,…good. If she doesn’t like me,…fine. I also don’t go on blind dates, either, and make sure we might be compatible first. I have no desire for promiscuity or one-night stands.

    Basically, I’d like to become friends first, then boyfriend/girlfriend after 1 to 3 months, then get engaged after 1 to 2 years (either one of us could do the proposing), then we’d move in together as a final test of compatibility. After 9 to 12 more months, we’d either get married, or get out!

    Since early adolescence, I noticed I couldn’t relate very much to other guys when they talked about girls. They always liked the smaller, shorter, thinner ones, and thought the hottest outfits were bikinis, or complete nudity. I, on the other hand, have always preferred “fat chicks” (i.e., plump women with cute faces), and taller ones. (And if they’re taller than *me*, then that’s even better!) I also think the hottest outfit a woman can wear involves a mid-length skirt and opaque tights, and not a bikini. And ever since my teenage years, I’ve always thought the hottest age for women is around 40, since they tend to have bigger curves, and their faces project more wisdom, power, maturity, and stability.

    (My current age range for a girlfriend is 24 to 49, by the way, and height range is 4’11” (150 cm) and up…all the way to infinity!)

    Relating to other guys about girls’ *inner* qualities has also been a night-and-day contrast since adolescence. Most other men seem to prefer women who are more “submissive,” and with tender personalities, but I’ve always liked women who have strong, positive, androgynous (or slightly-masculine) personalities, but while still having feminine mannerisms and voices, of course.

    In other words, when searching for a girlfriend, most other men want to be “the strong one” in the couple, but with me, I simply wish to ***join a strong female-male team***. In my own preferences,…the smarter she is, the bigger, the taller, the faster, the richer, the wiser, the more genuinely confident, the more mature, the more accomplished she is, etc.,…THE BETTER! And the more smart, big, tall, fast, rich, wise, genuinely confident, mature, and accomplished *I* am,…THE BETTER!

    My romantic desire is to “join a strong team,” where she and I view each other as teammates who are on each other’s side, where we can relax together and share our feelings, ideas, interests, and lives together as lovers. While I definitely am not the subservient type, I’ll happily “obey her command” as long as she leads me in the direction I want to go, and especially — as long as my various needs (physical, emotional, inspirational) are adequately met. If not, then I’d calmly sit down with her and warmly discuss our unique needs together. And if she came to me and said, “Joe, we need to talk,” then as long as I’m not super busy at that moment, I’d absolutely *love* to do that! She and I talking about our unique needs together sounds incredibly romantic and sexy, since it could build our strength as a strong team, and could help us understand each other and ourselves better. Hmmm,…what a concept!

    Of all the people in the world, I would love her the *2nd most*, while loving myself the most. And she’d love *me* the 2nd most, while loving *herself* the most. Basically, she would live her life for *her*, I’d live for *me*, and she and I would both come together in a romantic relationship so that each of our unique needs could be well-met. We’d also protect both each other and ourselves — each using our own unique strengths to do that. This sounds very romantic to me, and it’s the exact kind of “fairy tale” that I dream of.

    So anyway (to move on), here’s a few questions about this article:

    1. Renee, you said “nothing is more important” to you than your lover, but what about your physical and mental health, your integrity, and sense of inspiration? Where do those things fit on your totem pole of values in life? Shouldn’t those three be placed at the very, very top?

    2. You wrote a little bit about gossiping, but how is this relevant to masculinity and femininity? Gossiping seems more about extraversion, not about being feminine. Extraverted men like to gossip with each other about sports, business, cars, gadgets, and “hot chicks,” don’t they? Some even enjoy gossiping about crazy conspiracy theories.

    3. You mention some shortcomings of your feminine ex-boyfriend, but are you sure that his femininity was his worst “problem”? It sounds like he also was quite immature, insecure, and naïve. Shouldn’t *those* be the bigger dealbreakers, instead?

    Here’s a question for you: if you had to select between one of two potential boyfriends, who would you choose:

    a. A very masculine man who also happened to be ultra immature, insecure, and naïve? (This combination probably would carry a high risk of physical aggression and abuse.)

    or…

    b. An androgynous or somewhat feminine man (but with a masculine voice and mannerisms) who is also mature, genuinely confident, and wise, and who also shares your values, interests, and outlook on life?

    What’s your take on this?

    Personally, for me, there are *a plethora* of other traits I would consider about a potential girlfriend firstly, before caring about how masculine/feminine her personality is.

    Well, to conclude my long post, remember that minorities of people (such as feminine men) are just as diverse as majority groups are, so it’s best not to use a few bad examples to stereotype the entire minority. People with various agendas have been using this form of propaganda for millennia, and probably always will. Just be smarter about it when you encounter this kind of stuff.

    And with that, I’ll leave you with an article of my own from a year ago, covering the topic of abusive manipulation tactics. It’s entitled, “If I Wanted to Hurt You.”

    Share my piece with everyone you know — especially younger ones. Here’s the link: http://discoprojoe.hubpages.com/hub/If-I-Wanted-to-Hurt-You

    Feedback on this post, and on my article, is welcome. Enjoy!

    • Rivs

      Reply Reply November 12, 2013

      I wish this were an elaborate troll but unfortunately its not.

      This post doesn’t contain the language of a feminine man. These are the thoughts of someone afflicted with covert-narcissim. Since men are supposed to be assertive and not covert-narcissistic, I can certainly see why you’d label yourself feminine. That’s preferable and invokes sympathy {giving you leeway for manipulation} much more so than being passive-aggressive.

      “I simply wasn’t born with a paternal or maternal instinct”

      {no kidding, se la vi for the covert narcissist}

      “Just be smarter”

      {condescending and over ambitious}

      “Enjoy!”

      {I did thoroughly, I’m laughing my *** off reading your post}

      “Share my piece with everyone you know”

      {over-ambitious and delusional}

      “What’s your take on this?

      Personally, for me”

      {answering your own question, the one you supposedly are asking Renee}

      *a plethora*

      {everyone knows this word, why the asterisks? delusional}

      “various agendas have been using this form of propaganda for millennia”

      {overly formal, straw-manning, try-hard}

      a feminine guy (who’s straight)

      {self-conscious, qualifying something that could go unsaid if you had higher self-esteem}

      Well, to conclude my long post

      {self-conscious, if that’s the length you needed then the length is just right, not long}

      “So anyway (to move on)”

      {pretentious but creating the illusion for yourself that anyone would still be reading your tripe}

      • Rob

        Reply Reply November 15, 2013

        Get the no no hair dude Better than shaving. I to like slap on some high heels panty hose and such live it up man!!Life is short.

      • jake

        Reply Reply November 19, 2013

        i disagree with your take, rivs. joe seems like quite a decent fellow, even if he’s a little different. you, on the other hand, sound like you just had your feathers ruffled.

        • rivs

          Reply Reply November 22, 2013

          Mmm. There you go projecting. However, I’ll play. I’ll take the candy from this naive jealous baby. You’re less than that and more. Where do you suppose you Miserable Weirdos come from? I wonder. Are you all kept in a lonely warehouse some place?

          • Scott Z

            Reply Reply November 22, 2013

            Wow, just…wow.

            • rivs

              Reply Reply November 22, 2013

              Ah, the perpetual cynic. Overcompensate much? Congratulations. You are now-that guy. Or did I forget my hall pass?

              • Scott Z

                Reply Reply November 22, 2013

                On November 9th, you posted an insightful response to Renee’s article. On November 22nd, you posted an incredibly hostile and unpleasant response to jake. The purpose of my previous post was to express shock at your drastic change in tone. While I’m almost positive you don’t care about my opinion, I think you may care about Renee’s. Do you remember she said true ‘alpha men’ don’t waste time putting others down?

              • you're a douche

                Reply Reply November 29, 2013

                Where do you get off being a fucking douchebag over this whole blog post? You’re a pathetic manchild! Just shut the fuck up!

    • Joe

      Reply Reply February 8, 2014

      I actually thought of one little “rescuing the damsel in distress” fairy-tale dream that I *do* have for a potential lover, which goes something like this:

      ————————
      Once upon a time, there was a Beautiful, Big Strong Powerful Woman. She was very beautiful. She was very big. She was very strong, and very powerful.

      But unfortunately, she also was very lonely: none of the men wanted to date her. They just weren’t attracted to big, strong, powerful women. So the Beautiful, Big Strong Powerful Woman was very lonely. She tried everything she could to find the right boyfriend while staying true to herself, but to no avail.

      One day, a guy named DiscoPro Joe came along. He was very different from most men, and liked things that most other men didn’t like. He liked happy, sappy, bubbly dance-pop music. He liked bright, rainbowy colors. He liked talking about relationships, and really liked big, strong, powerful women!

      So on that day, when DiscoPro Joe first saw the Beautiful, Big Strong Powerful Woman, he was mesmerized: she was exactly the type of girl he’d been looking for — his whole life!

      And so DiscoPro Joe came along as the hero — as the knight in shining armor — to rescue the Beautiful, Big Strong Powerful Woman from her long years of loneliness, and from her empty lack of romance. She was forever grateful; no longer did she feel that no man could appreciate her for who she was! She finally had a special someone to enjoy her wonderful life with.

      And so DiscoPro Joe and the Beautiful, Big Strong Powerful Woman lived together as lovers, and absolutely lived happily ever after. The End. :-)
      ————————

      Here’s some song lyrics to go with this story: the beginning of the 2nd verse of DJ Bobo’s “Love is all Around”:

      “I’m dancin’, and I feel like flying,
      “And I see this girl, she is crying.
      “I take her in my arms, it’s like a dream,
      “The most beautiful girl in the world I’ve seen!”

      :-)

      Sweet dreams, everyone….Good night….

  • Mark

    Reply Reply October 24, 2013

    Kokujin.

    You are forgetting what we are. We are animals. The only problems we face when it comes to attracting our mate is forgetting we are animals.

    Instead we over think things. Every generations is smarter than the next generation. But its not the smarts of the mind that get the women. Its the animal brain that switches into gear when you see an attractive woman you desire. You see and you act.

    The real reason as to why guys are suffering. Is every time they see a woman they desire they instantly start thinking. They play the mind reader and believe they know what the girl wants or is thinking. You only need to think for yourself. You can only think for you. The key to being a Man is thinking for yourself and making your own decisions. You lead your own life and the woman you desire comes along of her own choosing.

    Alpha is simply a guy who is using his primitive brain. Beta is a guy who is overriding his own primitive animal brain and by doing so gets frustrated by being caught up in a mind game. He gets frustrated because his wants are not being met. This is his own problem not the woman’s problem. When you are a man and have needs you communicate. If your needs are not met you don’t waste your time and you move on in the pursuit of getting them fulfilled.

    The only person accountable for his own life is himself. Its not about suppression, its about expression.

    All the best on your quest

    Mark
    http://www.iwillteachyoutogetagirl.blogspot.co.nz/

    • Rob

      Reply Reply November 15, 2013

      Pretend you’re gay and got plenty of woman..I am a actor then later move in for the target..sorry honey I’m not gay no way.My wife had cancer and I was one bad mother Long story short I did a lot of research like the doctors didn’t know, two years with non Hodgkin’s then another hit hospitals reek with staff..

    • rivs

      Reply Reply November 22, 2013

      If you read Joe’s link on hub pages you would know that Joe is a troll and that Jake is Joe. The linguistic signature is identical. “quite” “your take” “on the other hand,” all appear as does “decent.” In both Joe’s language and Jake’s.

      Furthermore who would read the inanity of Joe’s post just to defend him from me without any further comment? Come on now.

      You saw a divergence from my style but instead of reading thoroughly and giving me the benefit of the doubt you made an assumption when the data was there.

      Then you make an intercession that does nothing but undermine my point and for what? You could have figured this out yourself. That is impolite behavior.

      • Scott Z

        Reply Reply November 23, 2013

        I read through Joe’s entire article on hubpages, as well as both the comments on it. I read through your posts on this article, Joe’s post on this article, and jake’s post on this article. I did all this WITHOUT realizing “that Joe is a troll and that Jake is Joe.” More importantly, I did all of this well BEFORE I left my “Wow, just…wow.” comment.

        “Furthermore who would read the inanity of Joe’s post just to defend him from me without any further comment?”
        I would. However, I would have left out the feathers part.

        “You could have figured this out yourself.”
        I had done all the reading you suggested, but I did not make the connections you did. Therefore, I do not think I could have figured it out by myself.

        *sigh* I have high-functioning autism. It honestly never occurred to me that Joe would be so dishonest as to pretend to be another person in order to defend himself. However, such behavior would be in line with your observation that he is a covert narcissist.

      • Scott Z

        Reply Reply November 23, 2013

        I am sorry for behaving impolitely toward you, rivs.

    • rivs

      Reply Reply November 22, 2013

      Now you’re speaking for Renee. Someone you don’t even agree with? When will your display of haughtiness end? Let Renee speak for herself. Speak for yourself and stop taking the cowardly birds eye view that you continuously conclude your posts with.

      • Scott Z

        Reply Reply November 23, 2013

        I assumed Renee’s article spoke for Renee. I do not see anything wrong with such an assumption. If I misquoted and/or misinterpreted her article, I apologize.

  • Kokujin

    Reply Reply October 23, 2013

    my god you’re all really fucking stupid. especially all the women.

    energies, cosmic energies. no that’s your hormones. no that’s you taking your good male friend for granted and wanting some giant toolbag to push you around.

    and then damage controlling it ffs.

    males fighting each other (I”M alpha – you BETA) is silly as fuck too.

    You are promoting nonsense. Both sides.

    Hey we now live in a society where “nice guys finish last.” Do you really think women energy is holy and enlightened?

    FUCK.

    I am convinced 80% of women don’t even like or know their husbands. He prolly snagged her by being a dick and not too nice.

    You all suck.

  • Mark

    Reply Reply October 22, 2013

    I’ve enjoyed this article very much.

    As a man who is Alpha you get a sense for relationships happening around you. You smell a woman who is unsatisfied with her man. You know he isn’t being a man and fulfilling his purpose as a man to her. He isn’t being masculine with her and leading her in the bedroom.

  • rafael smith

    Reply Reply October 12, 2013

    To sum up. Alpha F*cks Beta Bucks….take the about of money you have spent on the girl and divide by the number of times she’s s*cked your d*ick… E.G $3.50/4 = $0.875 per BJ = APLHA…$2000/1 = $2000 per BJ = BETA the higher the number the more BETA you are the lower the number the more ALPHA.

    • mike

      Reply Reply October 18, 2013

      huh!it´s funny to see all the beta males getting ofended

      • Mike 2

        Reply Reply October 30, 2013

        Ha, listen up Mike, I’m about to use you as a point. I was what would be described as a beta once. Grew up all my life listening to guys like you trying to tell me how it is, and of course always wondering why there seemed to be so many gaps in the kind of crap you would put out. Then it finally hit me, I’m the one who knows, not you. That’s why I can perceive the gaps. Well eventually I realized that I really am smarter than literally 100% of people like you, and that it’s got nothing to do with genes or superiority. It had to do with effort. I put in the effort to sharpen my mind, and you didn’t, you watched some tv shows and emulated them. DAMN SON, DATS IMPRESSUV. The reality is that guys like you are completely disposable when I’m around, because there’s nothing I can’t do better than you. Guys like you really are in the truest sense the weakest among us. Sound harsh? Not harsh enough yet, pay real close attention to the next thing I say as it’s very literal. Having learned growing up that people like you substitute cruelty for a personality, I eventually realized turning the other cheek is the wrong way to respond. Crippling a man for life is the correct way, if the offense is serious enough. Bottom line, you might think your hot shit but in this day and age I’m not going to suffer for my perceived weakness because you can’t be bothered to fire some neurons up there. I’m not a murderer and I’ve never stabbed a man before, but if a guy like you is a big enough problem in my life, you can bet I’ll slit your throat in an alley and sleep soundly that night. Quite frankly, I’d have that peace of mind because I legitimately struggle to wonder if people like you are truly human and deserving of human rights. I’m not the supreme court though, so if you berating me is costing me a job opportunity, you can count on disappearing. If there’s such a thing as alpha, THAT’S what it looks like, not your pea-cocking around. If you consider me a psychopath because I would do that to survive, I would consider you a pussy because you wouldn’t do it. I don’t want or need to murder anyone, nor do I condone it, but if you’re so insistent on pushing the narrative you have to realize that you will eventually find someone who understands reality better than you do and would fight for it. Nothing I’ve said here is the result of any biases or prejudices, and I can in fact argue from beginning to end that killing people like you off is one of the most logical and ethical things we can do to preserve the human species. So understand this, at the end of the day, I’M the one giving YOU the choice, because I prescribe to noones philosophies in this day and age. I just want us all to get along, which seems to be the exact thing you don’t want. More evidence you’re inferior and another inability. If I still acted beta, then my lot in life would be basically nothing. I’m supposed to just sit and accept that? LOL, NO. Since you seem to grant yourself the ability to make decisions about my life, I’ll see fit to do the same, and I don’t half-ass things. So while people like you are getting your shit together, you get to be my verbal punching bags anytime you try to put someone else down. Not because I’m biased, not because I’m jealous, but because I’m capable and you aren’t, and nothing you’re doing helps anyone but yourself, and you need to stop. I just wish I knew you in real life so I could follow you around and show you how powerless you really are against hard-earned intelligence, because I know you’ll read this and think I’m just some over-compensating beta. Well do that in real life and it’ll be the biggest, and possibly last mistake you ever make. It comes down to this, how can I be your inferior, when I can do EVERYTHING better than you. Don’t bother inputting on that by the way, I know it’s true from repeated experience no matter how much you’ll protest it, and your opinion does not warrant my second-guessing myself. That means when I feel like it, I’ll abuse you, and when I don’t, I won’t, but the decision is mine. You really are helpless against me, and guess what, it’s because you earned it. The WORST result I can hope out of writing this is to be written off, but you people would have to do that amongst yourselves and at a distance because you’d get schooled in that argument if you tried to take it up with me. The best is that youll learn to re-think how “submissive” some betas are, or at the very least learn not to openly disrespect people. Because heres the real twist, if you pick on the wrong guy one day you will be found dead in an alley, and it won’t be me that did it. It’ll be someone whose face you barely know because you made an offhand comment about them in order to score points in front of your friends, and THEY WON’T WRITE YOU A MESSAGE WARNING YOU OR EXPLAINING WHY FIRST. When you’re an asshole, you’ve got to watch your back. On the flip side though, if I were to ever see you question the mentality you’ve worked so hard to build a facade for, I’d be the first person to buy you a beer. Because I’m just a NICE GUY LIKE THAT.

        To the author of this site- I realize this is a rather heavy-handed message, which at times conveys some fairly dark tones, and because of that I’ll understand if this comment ultimately never makes it on the site. However I hope I’ve managed to convey that this example is just one of many choices I or anyone else could take, and not that it’s the example I wish to take, or wish for other people to take, but have also done it justice in describing that even an act as heinous as this can be an all-around win for someone who already has absolutely nothing, so people should be careful in just how far they’re willing to write people off. For the record, I do still believe in “male energy”, even if our definitions may differ, but I would certainly say our number ones match up. Alpha males bring out the best in the people around them, whether its through enthusiasm for some, stoicism for others, taking the lead or even just being present. Mike 1 here is no alpha, he’s a shit-head.

        • Scott Z

          Reply Reply November 7, 2013

          “If you consider me a psychopath because I would do that to survive”
          Unless I’m misinterpreting, what you actually stated was you’d kill someone to get ahead: “if you berating me is costing me a job opportunity, you can count on disappearing”
          I’m fairly confident most people think killing someone in self-defense is not immoral. I certainly can’t say the same about killing someone to get a better job…

          However, based on your entire comment, it seems you were speaking purely hypothetically. And, that you’d never do such a thing yourself.

          • Mike 2

            Reply Reply November 7, 2013

            I absolutely agree, but the question I’d ask is, to be blunt, given a limited station and assumed hypoagency in life, why then would I care that most people consider it immoral, if it was achievable and profitable? Most normal and moral people believe that killing is immoral, but there’s actually very few of them, and all of them can explain why it’s wrong to kill without bringing the law into it. The only reason most people in society agree not to kill is because they enjoy torturing live victims a lot more, and if you need proof of that just look at what some of the people have done with the advice about “being an alpha male”, advice which is intended to encourage you to better yourself. Or you know just look anywhere, at any time. Everyones convinced themselves all of life is a power play. I take a lot of opportunities to argue with people like this, because otherwise they will ultimately justify abuse in their minds as a privelige given to them by their position. The thing is noone has ever even managed to score so much as a point on me in that argument, because inequality doesn’t exist, it’s created. Ironically, everyone who believes in inequality places themselves somewhere near the top of the scale. I’ve been saying since I was literally in elementary school, that most people will accept the existence of “higher-ranking” people than them, if it means they can make the same extension and place everyone else below them. Ultimately, it’s a perfect storm of greed and cowardice. Getting it all without even having to fight for it. Back when I was a beta (in other words, still smarter than everybody else, but silent because I had no hope for them) I never perceived people like that as strong, I perceived them as fundamentally flawed. It wasn’t until I started realizing most of them are exactly the same as the rest that I realized their personality is coming from somewhere externally. It’s really no different than grunge, goth or emo. That’s when I started speaking up, because I shook myself and went “what the fuck is going on here? Are these people actually entirely devoid of independent thought, even in their personal lives?” I took the initiative to become more outspoken, and quickly found that even through probably 8 cognitively strong years of silence, I had developed my world-view to such an extent it encapsulated most other peoples. I was once impressed with myself about that, but then I realized that it’s really not that impressive when the majority of those world views are, to be polite, miniscule. Does that mean I know everything? No, but it does mean I know eating someones heart doesn’t give you their power. That puts me ahead of a lot of crazy Africans. Just like I know shouting someone down or intimidating them doesn’t make you know better, and that puts me ahead of a lot of crazy Americans. It’s the exact same with any culture, people mostly develop their beliefs to fit in, easily accessible beliefs are widely adopted, and then America collapses because everyone took out a mortgage, knowing what would happen but expecting divine intervention anyway. Yeah, these beliefs aren’t limited to spirituality or self-governance, they literally extend to financial issues, as if the economy was a god that doled out rewards and punishments based on your worship of him. It’s actually quite causative. You want a mortage? Here you go. Time to pay, oh you can’t? Get out. In that same spirit Scott I’d ask you this, and keep in mind that no, I’m not a murderer, I’m just also not clearing that option off the table, ever. Would it not be akin to self-defense if one was committing the act of murder in order to open previously inacessible routes to opportunity? I don’t mean become VP and kill your boss to take over. I mean given beta status, which in all honesty is something bestowed upon you by others and leads to you being acted on accordingly, (actual hypoagency), what is a legitimate reason why that person shouldn’t eliminate the people who are in all actuality destroying his life? It certainly is not because life has intrinsic value, even though that’s true, because it would then mean that the persons life has intrinsically less value than the people who are abusing him, which invites discussion as to what qualities make it intrinsic, and even now in this hypothetical example we both know who would fair better in that conversation, and it wouldn’t be the alpha group. Alphas don’t “discuss” anything remember? It’s not because they can’t though, no that’s not why. It’s because alpha. By the way Scott, thanks for the comment, even though I’m fairly sure you meant it to show me for a fool, but I invite the discussions that come with being who I am and having such strong opinions. It only helps me understand my own position more and more, and explanation becomes extrapolation. Don’t expect replies as speedily as this though every-time, I’m not on the internet everyday. All the best.

            • Scott Z

              Reply Reply November 7, 2013

              “given a limited station and assumed hypoagency in life, why then would I care that most people consider it immoral, if it was achievable and profitable?”
              I’ll need some time to look up ‘hypoagency’ before I can really answer.

              “even though I’m fairly sure you meant it to show me for a fool”
              That wasn’t my intention. I found the majority of your first (and second) comment very insightful. The statements I addressed in my first response were actually the only factually inaccurate ones I saw. To be honest, I addressed only that one part because I found the insult inaccurate and somewhat offensive. I added the last sentence because I didn’t want to come across as implying you were a sociopath and/or immoral.

              “no, I’m not a murderer, I’m just also not clearing that option off the table, ever.”
              Err, okay. I guess I should amend the last sentence of my first response to say: “…you’d likely never do such a thing yourself.”

              “what is a legitimate reason why that person shouldn’t eliminate the people who are in all actuality destroying his life?”
              Can you give me an example or two of this kind of situation? I don’t think I’m fully grasping what you’re trying to ask.

              “Don’t expect replies as speedily as this though every-time, I’m not on the internet everyday.”
              Of course. I really appreciate the respectful tone of your reply. I’m very impressed by the exceptional length of your posts. I do know the content is what’s most important, though.

              All the best to you, too.

              • Mike 2

                Reply Reply November 7, 2013

                Thanks for the compliment Scott, to be honest I find you pretty well-spoken myself. It’s clear to me that you and I are a lot more alike than either of us are to the people who are much more likely to get offended at what I have to say. Incidentally, thats why I speak so pointedly sometimes, the intention is partially to offend, because it’s the only way real confrontation can happen with those particular types. These are people who have lived mentally sheltered lives, and used to getting their way with little to no effort or discussion, and likewise, little to no understanding. To the people it doesn’t offend, it just illustrates that I’m strong in my beliefs and that I won’t be swayed by perceptions. That doesn’t mean I don’t understand that perception has a large role in understanding though. In fact a lot of my beliefs hinge on the idea of perception, but probably not quite as most people would consider it. I’ll illustrate right now. ‘I do know the content is what’s most important, though’ This particular part of your quote is what most called my attention to how similar we are, it in fact means we share a characteristic. That characteristic is the ability to be objective, and I realize that’s a large claim, specifically because I’m claming that many people simply don’t have it. You can test this though, and I’m in fact going to explain a lot of my rationale with the same concept. I’m sure you’ve heard the expression “In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king”. You can tell a dozen people that and get a dozen answers to what it means, but I think you’ll find that most peoples natural inclination is to pick one and only one. I’m guessing you can already see more than one meaning, and in fact a lot of people can see a few, but it doesn’t change the fact that most people are almost impulsively driven to give one meaning precedence over the others. That is the presence of natural bias in it’s rawest form, whether it be cognitive or automatic. It’s the same thing that causes people to react so strongly to things that have no emotional connection to them, tryptophobia comes to mind for example, (if you haven’t heard of it look it up in text before you look up a picture of it. It’s fear of certain plants, plants which have a honeycomb-like structure and have a lot of holes or shallow divots in them. Even the image causes some people who’ve never even heard of them to react with extreme fear.) That doesn’t mean however that more objective people don’t get phobias, but you will actually find there’s a correlation, and it does mean they can control their responses better. It’s quite the opposite of what most people believe in terms of personality types and handling pressure, which has always been plain to me and I’ve never understood how aggression has been seen as a well-thought out and delivered response to any stimulus. They know that too, that’s why nobody fucked with Chairman Mao. That’s an interesting segment in U.S. history you might want to check out. That’s always been obvious though, I mean who gets along? They don’t. Who were the people who ran any half-way decent events at high school or city hall or the office or even the apartment building, the go-getters? They weren’t. I mean, look where we’re meeting and the circumstances and we’re getting along, enough to accomplish something anyway. They can’t even get along with each other, when they’re in the same place, doing the same thing, that’s why they compete. I’d go so far as to say competition is healthy for us, but not for them, because they misuse it, and to them the game of life becomes a game for life. This is where it gets dangerous. Their perception of life as a game or competition often leads them to establish their own rules, and these aren’t people who have everyones best interests at heart. I mean, these people have to be kidding themselves if they don’t think gang members end up reading sites like these (although this one’s written…..better….than most. She’s trying not to be offensive anyway, but I mean, women like her are one of two things, they’re either priveliged and live devoid of sincere empathy, or they’ve hard a rough go at it and they’re trying to be strong. It just looks the same because women tend to measure themselves by their culture where men measure themselves by their accomplishments. You want some good advice on how to find a woman worth being with? Look for empathy when it’s unwarranted, and unrewarded. I’m assuming the author’s not going to be reading this, but if she does, try not to get offended by my statement there and think about what it could mean.) This is getting to be a very long post, so I’ll try to wrap this up for now. Hopefully you can understand why to me killing somebody else is never off the table, although it’s the actual-last ditch effort that should be taken in any circumstance. It’s rooted in the questions of what is life and what is a life worth living? Hypoagency is when one has an assumed status of being acted upon, slavery is a good example. How a slave (in some but not all slave cultures) was considered less than a regular person, or for a clearer example given 3/5ths of a vote, and not a whole vote. There are many examples of hypoagency alive and well today though, and the alpha belief is one of the biggest proponents of it, male and female. It’s no coincidence it usually evolves from feelings of aggressiveness and supremacy, or that the people who usually do it are doing it on multiple levels at once. It gets you what you want, at least immediately. However that belief soon loses the quality of supremacy it bestows on the person, since it’s so common, and, still searching to validate their superiority, it evolves into the belief that they’re superior because they were different, and their own assertiveness in those beliefs becomes their evidence for it. Eventually when the feelings of superiority are no longer sustainable by their own standards, they come to hate those differences they see in people, and that becomes a lifetime supply of validation for them. It can lead to genocides, like it did in Rwanda faily recently where the Hutus commited mass murder in droves against the Tutsis, two tribes that had co-existed up until that point. Hitlers beliefs of the Jews contains the same ideology. The same story has occured over and over in history, and will continue to occur if people can’t wake up to the concept of collaborative effort. In the same vein that I started my response I’ll end it, by saying that the whole is greater than the sum of it’s parts, another phrase with multiple meanings, but I find the one people tend to skip over the most is the expression of how important any 1 part is.

  • SvanUlf

    Reply Reply October 8, 2013

    This was really interesting reading (and also interesting how many men seemed to take offense) and I should probably feel flattered (if being an alpha is something to strive towards) but at the same time I gotta admit that some parts kind of made me feel like a caveman.

  • Suth Kolu

    Reply Reply October 7, 2013

    I think an Alpha male should beat the hell out of his girl and then keep her on her knees all the time… Im sure girls would love it..

  • A.

    Reply Reply October 2, 2013

    Good point Dwayne!

  • Dwayne

    Reply Reply September 28, 2013

    The most affective way for a Beta to become alpha is to travel over seas and meet real authentic natural feminine women guys you are living in a society where everything is working against you are around women with bad behavior and they are very unatural

    • Cody

      Reply Reply October 17, 2013

      The honest to God truth. I know; I did it. I left a no-momentum and underconfident man; my masculine nature was isolating me because my lack of confidence wasn’t up to snuff. The buzzword is “creepy,” I think, for orphaned masculinity.

      I came back a changed man.

      Going overseas and being around real women really accelerates a young mans growth in to the fullest version of himself.

      The masculine and feminine do that. They build each other up and work together as counterparts.

  • Dwayne

    Reply Reply September 28, 2013

    I think good men are also confident and I think good men should ignore women

  • a

    Reply Reply September 19, 2013

    Is the feminine woman beta or alpha? My guess is beta.

    • rosie

      Reply Reply October 19, 2013

      No I don’t think so, I’d say the feminine woman should strive to be even lower then beta – you don’t see beta men sucking alpha dicks on their knees. The feminine woman seems to be a servant.

      • A

        Reply Reply March 16, 2014

        Thanks Rosie! But, what’s lower than Beta? It would be interesting if we got a five step description explaining why she’s not the beta or omega woman for the alpha male. :)

  • Holly

    Reply Reply September 15, 2013

    Hello Renee

    I’m quite sure a man I fell in love with many years ago was an alpha male. Although I didn’t really know him that well,I could sense deep down that he was different from everyone else I’d ever come across.

    He wasn’t perfect by any means, but when I fell in love with him he made every other man look invisible on the plannet.

    When I say he wasn’t perfect, I sensed that he was possibly the manipulative type ect, but still I fell in love with him because he had some amazing qulites.

    I couldn’t even pin point exactly what an alpha male is but I would say that I’ve experienced alot of the bad stuff your talking about.

    Weather I like it or not, I must be living in masculine energy or something as I keep attracting the types of people for a reason.

    Recently I attracted someone quite a bit younger than me and I don’t know I didn’t tell him up front that I’m not interested in that way but I swapped numbers with him of the intentions to just being friends.

    I don’t feel any attraction for him, just his age makes me feel that on a subconscious level but also I don’t feel he could protect me. What I mean by that, is that when I’ve spoke to him/been in his presence, I have that, I’m on my own feeling/I’d be left to fend for myself.

    I think that’s more of an evolution/primative feeling but it’s the last feeling on earth that would make me feel attraction to a man.

    I also have a friend that’s shorter than me in height when I have my shoes on and he has soft, small, round fasecial features and he could remember the outfit I wore prior to meeting him the last time I saw him. He said I must like the color pink as I was wearing the last time I saw him.

    Maybe that’s not all bad but from what I’ve read, I wouldn’t expect a man to think that way or remember what I was wearing.

    He did try to make something more of our friendship but I’m not attracted to him in that way, as much as he’s a good person, I wish him happiness with someone right for him.

    I must be doing something wrong but I can only go off the best of my knowledge which I’m always open to advancing.

    What I really want is a man with good values and integrity just to say the least.

    Defently I would prefer a man to take the lead as I know in my own body that it wouldnt feel right

  • Bob

    Reply Reply September 13, 2013

    Do you have to be a douche bag to be an alpha male? The photo at the beginning of the article is a perfect example, that guy just looks like a tool and is exactly what I picture when someone uses the term “alpha male”. I don’t work out with weights, I don’t have a retarded haircut, I am not loud and obnoxious, do not like to fight and I couldn’t give less of a fuck what most women think of me. I guess I am a beta male. Oh wait I’ll be an alpha for a moment, go fuck yourself. Is that alpha enough for you.

    • Ian Ironwood

      Reply Reply November 6, 2013

      If you were really Alpha, you wouldn’t have had to say that. But you’re not even a Beta. You’re a Gamma.

  • Colin

    Reply Reply August 24, 2013

    Beta males are not real men. They are geldings.

  • kelvin

    Reply Reply August 21, 2013

    The perfect guy should be more alpha for the days your ovulating and more.beta for the days your on period pms etc then for the rest of your cycle he he a good mixture of alpha beta…..what I mean by this is when your ovulation he has to be a lot more dominant aggressive sexual fun …and when your losing your eggs he needs to be beta by helping out around the house cooking massaging you cuddling and more empathy/ thoughtful towards you….then for the rest of your cycle he needs to be alpha beta mixture first officer in command of your relionship and your the copilot second in command but still have respect and a opinion u have……now all this is on a primal level…your perfect guy is your strong respected lover and provider……. now we have three minds….the primal mind which I covered then there’s the emotional mind and the logical mind. Emotional mind is the chemicals the guy makes you feel and love/bond that you build….that’s very basic……then logical is answer its own purpose itself……….now a final touch to my comment would be that you need to find what your primal attraction number is on a scale of 1-10 and find someone who matches equally who ever has the higher rank will always have the power if a 5 dates a 9 the 9 will have all the power…..women can date up but then men should stay same level rank as themselves or date down 1-2 points Max…….and that’s after the girl is completely dolled upkuz if her sex rank without being dolled up is 7 and your a 7 she can become a 9 with beautifying herself for the night. Sorry for all the grammar and spelling errors I’m typing from my phone…….

    • kelvin

      Reply Reply August 21, 2013

      Reply to this comment as I forgot to click notify me on my comment with full. Explanation I would like to here what your guys thoughts are

  • Kevin

    Reply Reply August 20, 2013

    Designed for the female reader because she is meant to believe that men ought to change for her needs and that she does not require any modification to her personality. Women are perfect little angels that are benevolent wholesome creatures that just require “the right guy” for her…. she is not meant to be criticized or reminded of any imperfections that she has…. in other words she must be turned into a narcissist.

    • Monica

      Reply Reply September 1, 2013

      Agreed. Better to let people be who they are and let love happen than judge men on some character traits or a few ideas blown out of proportion and taken way out of context. The whole “men must be alpha, women must be feminist damsels” motif is ugly.

      Also figure articles like this only make men feel more insecure. Calling a man a beta because he doesn’t live up to one person’s highly subjective checklist is just as wrong as criticizing women for not living up to unrealistic beauty standards.

  • Renee Wade

    Reply Reply August 16, 2013

    Thanks for your comment Asstastick. It is an honest yet brief look in to a man’s mind.

  • Asstastick

    Reply Reply August 16, 2013

    It’s interesting to see how strong the beta male’s ego is when I read these comments. Beta’s read this article then bash it to death by “complaining” about how the woman doesn’t deserve an alpha or how they are psycho’s ( beta male rage is psychotic btw, and betas you know what I’m talking about). Btw they are reading this article because they googled alpha male something or another…I’m on the path of discovering and improving my masuline and have found that once you do, you more than likely will not have the same people in your life as you did when you were in the beta mindset. On a side note: Feminism did destroy the polarization between male and female, so in order to change it, we need to have a men’s revolution, a men’s movement if you would, to restructure our society.. Don’t let the threat of losing out on sex not allow you to be a man..Once you develop your masculine side, sex will not be something you hope and pray for anymore and this is a mind blowing awareness!! Almost Matrix red pill stuff..And that depression you carry with you all the f’n time goes away to, but it takes work.. I’m a year into it and still have a ways to go.. Years of being betarized by society…

    • mina

      Reply Reply August 16, 2013

      great comment!

      • Ian Ironwood

        Reply Reply November 6, 2013

        Welcome to the Manosphere. Have a cigar. We’re rebuilding the patriarchy one recovered Beta at a time.

        • T

          Reply Reply November 10, 2013

          You can’t turn all betas into alphas. That destroys the very meaning of the terms. Some men are simply better than others, physically fit and strong, more handsome, smarter and richer. Those will be alphas. The rest of the ‘building confidence thing’ works because women perceive evil, narcissistic and manipulative betas as alphas, so any other beta can do that. But real alphas cannot be copied, just like a small gorilla male cannot become bigger than the nature meant it to be.

  • henry

    Reply Reply July 28, 2013

    The term alpha male generally refers to the sexually dominant male.. They are characterized as the one that all you women flock to. The betas are the ones that women settle for after not getting an alpha–secondary male class that need to negotiate with women (being the nice guy) to get what women’d willingly give to multiple alphas.

    Thus, by definition you don’t need to tell woman who is an alpha, because whoever they naturally flock to is it. As for the pros and cons, it depends on the individual. Though as an alpha, and since they attractive female attention, they likely had numerous partners and probability of cheating at some point in the marriage is quite high. Of course that is assuming they are willing to marry. Most women chasing after Alphas will become Alpha widows as Alphas are more than happy to sleep with those beneath their “alpha” class but will not commit to them (classic pump and dump). And as alphas who didn’t have to bargain (being nice) for women’s sexuality, an actual marriage to a spoiled alpha will likely be an disappointment.

    The loser is the Beta male whom the Alpha widows settles upon because the shadow of the Alphas will linger in their relationship. Similar to Alphas’ high risk of cheating, an Alpha widow likely have high N-number by the time they have to settle for a Beta in their late twenties or early thirties. Thus, the emotional and physical bonding to the Betas will be weak, especially when they compare the experience to numerous alphas they’ve had in the past.

    Poor Betas, as the common male they probably felt blessed to get “any”, only to be cleaned out in a messing divorce. Morale of the story: have a good pre-nup.

    • Ian Ironwood

      Reply Reply November 6, 2013

      Actually, there are three kinds of Alphas: Bull, Wolf, and Bear. All have strong Alpha characteristics, but the focus of their devotion is different.

      Bulls are focused on themselves — they are who you usually think of when you think “Alpha Male”. CEOs, entrepreneurs, that sort of thing.

      Wolves are focused on their family, first and foremost, and tend to make ideal husbands and fathers even if they are not climbing the corporate ladder.

      Bears are focused on some external ideal or mission, such as the church, the military, a sport, a revolution, and ideology.

      All three show the same passion, devotion, and Alpha characteristics, they are just displayed differently.

      • T

        Reply Reply November 13, 2013

        There’s also another type :)… Neither alpha nor beta. It’s called the Alphabet :). For every letter you choose, he can say a name of a girl he banged, beginning with that letter. He doesn’t have time for B.S.

  • Lisa

    Reply Reply July 7, 2013

    To reply to a poster who said women feel entitled to something when they themselves are not at their peak themselves may be true, but that is not what Renee is getting at. If women want an “alpha male” as described, women must aim to be the feminine woman these men are attracted to. It goes hand in hand. Renee has never said women don’t have to work on themselves and the “best” men will be knocking on their door.
    I have been with alpha males. . .and I must say, I am so grateful I had that in my life. He was the rare type where he was the alpha male, but also had just the right amount of feminine energy. He wasn’t perfect for me, though, unfortunately, and we wanted different things in life.
    I think this article is helpful. It’s not that I want someone who suppresses their feelings. But, just the other day a guy friend was complaining and I had to tell him, “Quit whining and get it done.” Hahaha. I felt like a b****, but seriously! Quit whining, everyone, and improve your love life by improving your self first!

  • Niko

    Reply Reply July 6, 2013

    What this article fails to mention is the issue of “Toxic Women.”

    Some facts: More women cheat then men. Up to 40% of American men are raising children that are not their own. Up to 90% of divorce is filed by women (who immaturely site “unhappiness” as the reason to abandon their family). Most American women are shallow gold diggers who think men are ATM machines. “Feminism” was conceived by Karl Marx, promoted by socialists and their mass media in the early 1960′s as a form of class war (men vs. women), and the ONLY point of feminism was to break-up the family and TAX the “other half” of the population and put women to work. This is why they invented “The Pill” – to make women more dependable employees. We don’t live in some kind of “post-historical” world; we’re still little more than peasants to the elites. Also, studies prove that over 90% of media is directed at women (movies, radio, music industry, magazines, book publishing, TV, etc.), so “what women want” is constantly being decided for you. As Roger Waters wrote, “We told you what to dream.” Another point I’d like to make about most women these days is this – they don’t realize that feminism has destroyed them, along with men. Look up a book/video called “The War on Boys,” written by an ex-feminist leader. They are hurting our young boys in very deep ways, and it saddens me to see that feminism has mislead these young men and that in the end none of you toxic women want them (these beta males that feminism has created). The suicide rate among men is truly shocking, especially for 19 year old men. If you want to become truly enlightened as a woman then I suggest learning about the Mens Rights Movement.

    I’d like to make some observations about the Alpha Male issue. Do to the above mentioned “feminism” propaganda promoted by the mass media in California (overwhelmingly proven to be owned and run by homosexual men), most men are indeed beta males. Hollywood has artificially changed our culture. It’s plastic. In the 1980′s satellite dishes started popping up in even the most remote small towns like poisonous mushrooms. They have destroyed our genuine and organic culture. We live in VERY confusing times. Feminism has destroyed both men and women. Understanding these facts is key to your growth as a person. It has led to women becoming perennial children who will not take ANY personal responsibility for anything. It’s not and never was about equality; it’s about destroying the family unit (which is good for big business and big government). The “women’s movement” was founded by MEN (fact) and promoted and funded by the CIA (who funded Ms. Magazine in the 1960′s, an easy fact to prove with Google).

    All that being said: the less masculine men become the less feminine women become; the less feminine women become the less masculine men become. In today’s media-saturated world, “masculinity” is politically incorrect and is now a dirty word.

    Men and women naturally compliment one another (in a natural cultural environment, unlike our media-culture promotes). I think of an Alpha Female not as masculine, but as ultra-feminine. It’s polarity. How can an Alpha Female be defined by acting like a MAN? That is nonsensical. That’s like saying an Alpha Male is defined by how feminine he acts. Nuts. An Alpha Female is indeed a leader – among women. She naturally gets just what she needs from an Alpha Male. And he gets what he needs from her.

    The reason most so-called alpha males have to LEARN how to be masculine is, again, due to the modern media. It was traditionally the manly father who taught his son HOW to be a man. There used to be numerous examples in society all around the boy to serve as healthy role models. But if boys grew up watching TV post-1970 they will be very confused indeed. My point is, blame the media for this. American men invented electricity, conquered mighty armies, left their footprint on the moon, invented flight, computers, too many wonders to mention. And now look at what has become of them. I think that song “Where Have All the Cowboys Gone” is alluding to this fact. And yet, even in this “mangina” state – men still invent everything, filing over 98% of all patents. Most of you “women” have no skills at all (can’t cook, manage a household, etc.) yet complain that you can’t find a “good man.” My point is that you should understand the world you’re living in as a start; then look for a good man once YOU are a good woman.

    Being informed about the world around you is the mark of a genuine adult.

    We live in the Age of Materialism. People are utterly dependent on others (big socialist government) for the most basic needs; food especially. We as a people used to be able to do a number of things for ourselves, like grow food, make clothes, soap, etc. A REAL man is self-reliant, can survive if the economy crashes (very likely to happen), can hunt and fish, and is generally PREPARED for any event, has food storage, medicine stock-piled, water purifiers and filters, etc. My point is, most of you ladies think you have a real alpha male but you are not even close to the real thing. A man doesn’t have to be the Southern ideal of manly, like Matthew McConaughey, but a man who is only alpha in the context of capitalism is not going to do you much good in the coming world of starvation, inflation, social unrest and war. It’s a wiser move to find a man who is both wealthy AND raised to be manly (watch the old Disney movie ‘Follow Me Boys’ to understand my meaning).

    Fashion is another confusing topic often misunderstood by all the media-infused women out there. A so-called metro-sexual is little more than a socially-conditioned TV-product (aka brainwashed). This is another example of media-manipulators and marketing men. It’s simple: genuine fashion is Perma-Fashion (permanent fashion), clothes that are timeless and never go out of style. Some would call it Preppy (read the book: True Prep). Real mens fashion is the opposite of trendy. Think Ralph Lauren at it’s most traditional. Read books like The Gentleman’s Guide to Fashion. Girls who don’t understand this about mens clothes are unaware that they reveal low social status. They reveal that they don’t understand genuine culture. A real alpha male takes care of his appearance. A genuine alpha male doesn’t hide behind tattoos, black muscle shirts with skulls, etc. But he does stay in top physical condition because he knows that a healthy mind can only exist in a healthy body.

    A man who acts macho is not an alpha male. A real man is confident in his ability to handle violence. I am polite and courteous to everyone I come into contact with, especially those I meet that are less educated than myself. But when a man looks into my eyes he can instinctively tell that I am not a man to be disrespected. I think that this must come from experience. As Nietzsche stated: “what doesn’t destroy you makes you stronger.” For a man to be genuinely strong and alpha he must have experienced war or a hostile environment for long extended periods. Not that a man can’t stand up for those around him without these experiences, just don’t expect every man you consider “alpha” to have these ultra masculine traits. This is why I feel we lost something as a society when young men were no longer required to serve two years in the military (which did them a lot of good, and rarely involved actual war). In short, real alpha males command respect and an unspoken understanding when dealing with other genuine alpha males. Real men show respect until disrespected.

    I find most of these comments to reveal a sever lack of understanding about reality. Not surprising when collegiate level math today was 5th grade math in 1950. Our society is severely “dumbed down.” I believe intentionally (the elites see us as peasants). I make around $14,000 dollars a month (and at only 35), run my own business that I inherited from my father, have been told dozens and dozens of times that I look better than Matt Dillon did in the 1980′s (I’m Greek so girls think I’m always a little tan), and yet all this ego-inducing outward crap still doesn’t confuse me – I understand history (the story of human events) and therefore know for a fact that I am nothing more than a peasant. The elites understand this and exploit us at every opportunity with their extremely powerful and opinion-shaping media.

    “Let me write the songs of a nation and I don’t care who writes the laws” –some smart guy

    This comment is rambling but I’m trying to shock some of you out of your shell. WAKE UP.

    To be my women you would have to be much, much more than you think. Beautiful AND intelligent; this is paramount to a man like me. Most of you wouldn’t stand a chance. The very “woman’s magazines” you read are destroying your confidence in unseen ways. It really is about what you know and don’t know.

    My advice to men is DON’T GET MARRIED. There is a 90% chance it will fail and destroy you. If a woman displays even the slightest “feminist” attitude – RUN.

    How many of you women know what NRE is? It’s what social scientists call New Relationship Energy. It’s lasts for 3 to 6 months, then tappers off. In today’s “culture” women are conditioned to believe that once that ‘excitement’ is gone, so too is the “love.” These “modern” girls are addicted to chasing that feeling (very dangerous to a man).

    But love is a very misunderstood concept. No one married for “love” 60 years ago (very, very few did anyway). Marriage was about practical matters. And what IS love? I’d say the most genuine expression of love is that displayed by a mother for her new born child. Beyond that, it’s little more than the emotion of loyalty and admiration. And “loyalty” is a dirty word in today’s plastic ME ME ME culture. Hollywood invented the modern concept of Shakespearean romance and “love” in the mid 20th century via their movies. Stay away from women addicted to NRE.

    Hollywood is bent on destroying and defaming religion in order to replace saints with so-called celebrities. They do this is order to exploit women especially. But I’m not sure it was for the better. Look at the great societies our grandparents enjoyed (or for some of you younger men and woman, look to your great grandparents).

    I’m not a religious man (yet honor my Greek Orthodox roots). But science proves that humans are NOT monogamous. Less than 3% of mammals are naturally monogamous – and none of those are primates (like humans). Men produce 5 kinds of sperm, 4 of which serve only to attack other mens sperm – and for only 24 hours! Look up Sperm Wars on Wikipedia. This is why men make passionate love to you if they see you flirt with other men or suspect you of cheating. Just look at how many people cheat, and even those that don’t still FEEL attracted to those other than their spouse. My point? With the way today’s women are, marriage is a fools bet to men. These girls give it away for free anyway, why limit yourself to being her ATM machine? Not even kids (60% chance they are actually yours) will stop a woman from missing NRE, believe that the “love” is gone and will leave you anyway. All this is a very negative side-effect of media promoting the worst instincts of women (who they aim 90% of their media at). Hell, the media have even convinced young women that killing an unborn child for convenience (the ultimate act of selfishness) is somehow “okay.”

    Don’t get married. If you find the ultra-rare enlightened woman (maybe 5% of them) then by all means get married and enjoy your life-partner, raise children and be happy. Everyone is different, but I have yet to meet a woman who lives up to what was common 60 years ago.

    I think this article is proof that intelligent women are waking up from the poisonous lie that is feminism. They want strong men. Good men. Real men. They are just now becoming aware of it. Studies show that women are FAR less happy today than before they were “liberated” 40 years ago. Hopefully our society will somehow correct itself. But I fear this can only come to pass once our sick society destroys itself first.

    Good luck out there.

    • bob

      Reply Reply July 8, 2013

      Man, that reply was outstanding. You raised many excellent and very interesting points and I agree with most of them! Your post is the post of a true “alpha male” if there is such a thing. Intelligent, confident and very aware of his surroundings and place within it.

      • p.s.

        Reply Reply October 3, 2013

        Thanks for your answer Nikos. I live in the South of Europe. Things here seem slightly different but if we are not careful they will change.

    • Lil

      Reply Reply August 18, 2013

      Thank you ,
      Outstanding . I never doubted …. But it feels good when you read that you are not alone …… You have to be born with this you cant learn .
      Even B-ground does not guaranty being Real Man (Alfa Man).
      But I except woman the way they are … most of them have problem with me . It does not bother me feminine philosophy .I get way with who I am .

  • Manikesh

    Reply Reply June 27, 2013

    Beautiful article Renee. I think in this day and age, even guys who have the alpha in them tend to suppress their natural instincts cause of the negative feedback they get from a feminist media right from their younger days. The same media which tells women why the feminine energy is a weaker energy and why they should try to act more like men. Articles like these are definitely a breath of fresh air.

  • damodar dahal

    Reply Reply June 26, 2013

    1st I am not clear to actual meaning of alpha male, then how can be commented?

  • Sarah

    Reply Reply June 14, 2013

    This is a great article! I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 7 years. At first, i felt his masculine energy and i was totally attracted to him, but as time goes on I find him getting more and more into a less masculine role and it is such a turn off. He’s great in the sense that he takes care of me emotionally and mentally, financially, hes my best friend, and would do anything for me. He understands me more than anyone, but hes becoming too much of a push over. Sometimes i just want a man who can put me in my place. Sometimes i will push his buttons just to see if he can stand up to me, but he will just end up agreeing with whatever i say. Hes overly romantic even at times when its uncalled for or when he needs to be serious. He lays on the “romance” so thick that its starting to turn me off. I find myself being attracted to more alpha male type guys, although i never act on these feelings. Is there any hope for this relationship? Do you have any advice on how I can shift the dynamics in the relationship and help him to become more manly? Or is this a lost cause? I dont want to throw it away unless im absolutely sure that theres nothing I can do to make this relationship better. I’m so confused and i feel guilty because i know what a great guy he is. Please help!

    • Anna

      Reply Reply June 14, 2013

      Hi! I read your comment and one thing came to mind: Flash him. So, you said he used to be really masculine… so he has it in him. If you tell him what to do, that would be directing him, so that would mean you are putting out masculine energy. So telling him to tone down the romance for instance might not be best way. I tell you to flash him because it’s a good way to make him stop and go “Whaaat?” or … even more… which would bring out his masculine energy. Whenever you feel him getting to be a pushover, just flash him or do something else to break his feminine mood & pattern & see if it works. I think before you categorize him as mainly feminine or masculine, you’d have to see what he’s like at his core.. I wonder which it is. But since relatively 80% of men are masculine, you have a good chance of that. Also what brings out masculine energy is feminine energy, and vice versa, so I would try to connect with my feminine self more. Cheers!

  • Adele

    Reply Reply May 8, 2013

    I don’t know if if I would call the man I’m seeing alpha, but he is confident, mysterious, masculine and it seems a lot of women are afraid of getting close to him. I never was afraid to get close. but it can be hard at times. I never said, hey I want an alpha man, I just date who I feel attracted to and typically that is confident men. somehow we ended up liking each other even though we are so different. I’m emotional and sensitive and he is unemotional and insensitive. somehow he started taking over a lot of my thoughts and it almost seems impossible for another man to come take me away from him. I can see why women are afraid to get to that level of dependency. Afraid to get emotionally wrapped up with a man, and a confident masculine man can take you there. I can see why a lot of the “alpha” types have trouble sustaining something long term, its usually the woman’s fear that stops things from progressing into true intimacy.

  • john

    Reply Reply May 1, 2013

    I ll be the alpha male every day for you, since i can flirt with other girls. if you want my energy just for you, then i expect from you total dedication… fight fire with fire…p.s. i can date women like you but not exclusive, in the long run, you are high maintenance. John

    • Anna C

      Reply Reply May 1, 2013

      Total dedication seems like a fair price to pay for a TRUE alpha male – a man who knows what he wants, knows how to get it and knows how to keep it.

  • T

    Reply Reply April 26, 2013

    Well, it depends on what alpha men are… because it’s not quite clear. Let me give 2 absolutely arbitrary (off the top of my head) examples:

    1. SMOKING
    a- I don’t smoke, because it has no purpose, it’s bad for me, I don’t need it, people that are smoking and are dependent on cigarettes are weak
    b- I smoke because I want to smoke. You can not stop me, I do what I want. I don’t care about your opinion or others’ opinion.
    c- I wish I could stop smoking but I can’t. I’m too dependent.I envy those who can stop, or just don’t care. I’m also afraid of the consequences of smoking.

    2. CHEATING
    a- I don’t cheat women because I don’t need to. I can find good women instantly, so when one of them proves not good enough for me, I find a better one. If I want to have multiple one night stands just for fun, I do that easily. I let women know that I want only sex from them and they are ok with it, since I am manly and irresistible. They want to have me, even if for a day.
    b- I cheat on women, because I can. Women are players too and I have to prove to be an even better player. I want to break them, to hear them crying and it makes me feel powerful. I like women and since they like me too, it’s a waste to stay only with one. I also lie to them always, I can get more women in a short amount of time that way.
    c- I don’t cheat women ever, because I’m afraid they would find out. I would want to do it, but it’s too risky.

    The “c”s are betas and omegas.
    The “a”s are very rare alphas.
    The “b”s are 90% of the guys women perceive as alpha, but which are really betas and omegas that got smart, have experience, are cunning, but lack the alpha’s strength and merits entirely.

    The article mostly talks about the “a”s, which is correct. But it also talks good about the “b”s, and women that like the article, and relate to it, almost certainly (90%), are envisioning a “b”.

    And THAT… is a problem.

    • Anna C

      Reply Reply April 26, 2013

      Very good analysis; I like it.

    • Scott Z

      Reply Reply April 26, 2013

      “people that are smoking and are dependent on cigarettes are weak”
      Only if needing help to stop one’s drug addiction makes one weak.

      Also, what about people who don’t cheat because they find such behavior morally wrong?

      Are all males supposed to be alpha, beta, or omega? Because none of them seem to accurately describe me.

      • T

        Reply Reply April 27, 2013

        The examples with smoking and cheating, described 3 hypothetical men. Not you, or the other people. Of course you can have a different opinion and you will still be alpha/beta/omega according to your opinion, which I cannot describe here. There are too many opinions of both subjects, for them to be described. I was just talking about a Hypothetical Alpha John (a), a Hypothetical Beta Ted that passes as an alpha for most women (b) and a Hypothetical Beta Mike, who can’t fool anyone (c)

        • Scott Z

          Reply Reply April 27, 2013

          Oh, okay.

          Wait, my “opinion” is that since the alpha/beta/omega categories are so inaccurate when it comes to describing real people, they shouldn’t be used at all. I think they would be much more accurate as a sliding scale or as descriptors of traits, however.

          • Ian Ironwood

            Reply Reply November 6, 2013

            You’re forgetting the Deltas and the Sigmas. Vox Day’s Sociosexual hierarchy is pretty explicit.

            • Scott Z

              Reply Reply November 7, 2013

              Huh; I’ve never heard of such a thing before. I will definitely have to look that up–it sounds very interesting.

              After looking over it briefly, I still don’t know which category I would fall into. I do know, however, which ones I wouldn’t fall into: Alpha, Sigma, and Lambda

            • rivs

              Reply Reply November 22, 2013

              No, he thinks he’s too smart to get emotionally involved in the discussion. Hence every response of his being a question. He hasn’t presented a supported argument/opinion of his own anywhere on here.

              Either he’s too lazy to find the info himself or this is the easiest way for him to feel cerebral by asking questions and being apathetic to your answers.

              • Scott Z

                Reply Reply November 22, 2013

                Uh-huh. It couldn’t possibly be I was asking questions because I wanted to learn, could it?

                While reading about Vox Day’s Sociosexual hierarchy, I discovered my personality traits and behaviors were spread across several categories. Since I thought my response adequately addressed Ian’s comment, I didn’t bother going further.

                As a general rule, I try not to get “emotionally involved in [discussions]” with people who will (most likely) disapprove of what I value.

      • rivs

        Reply Reply November 22, 2013

        It’s a lot easier to ask questions than answer them. A lot easier to poke holes than to fill them. Classic cowardly argumentation style. Why don’t you back to serving as your 2-year philosophy professors bidet? Or instead you can explain to us what it would take to convince you in the alpha/beta/omega hierarchy. What do they need to provide to convince you? Help them out.

        • Scott Z

          Reply Reply November 22, 2013

          The characteristics of my personality and behavior place me in multiple spots even on Vox Day’s impressive version of the hierarchy.

          I don’t know how to change the hierarchy to make it an accurate descriptor of many real people. I imagine it would be a very difficult undertaking. You’d likely need to learn both how to accurately survey a representative sample of people, and how to properly analyze survey data to draw conclusions. You’d likely need to both send out many surveys, and use results from previous surveys to refine future ones. It could literally take years. I shall offer proof I’m not making how hard it could be: do an internet search for a book called “The Authoritarians” by Bob Altemeyer, and read about how he came up with his test for his RWA scale.

          If you haven’t already, I recommend looking up Vox Day’s Sociosexual hierarchy. It’s really a lot better than the standard alpha/beta/omega one.

          • Scott Z

            Reply Reply December 1, 2013

            After coming across several disturbing blog pieces by Vox Day, I feel I need to clarify a few things.
            I remain impressed by his formulation of the human male sociosexual hierarchy. And, while I still think it has significant flaws, I also still think it is vastly superior to the alpha/beta/omega version.
            However, since I find some of the thoughts and ideas he expresses to be utterly repulsive, I cannot at all approve of him as a person.
            If anyone wants specifics, just let me know.

    • BiBi

      Reply Reply May 2, 2013

      I totally agree with you about the perception of most women with this article. I like yours better.

    • Sandy

      Reply Reply June 8, 2013

      I agree with you 100%! I used to date a B and yes, at the time I totally thought he was an alpha, and I thought that’s what alphas were… strong but assholes. Needless to say, he ended up breaking my heart and laughing about it. I’m with a true alpha now (a total A by your description) and the difference is night and day! :)

  • Kira

    Reply Reply April 26, 2013

    I would like to try out a masculine man although I am not sure how that would go over. I’m worried that I’ll hate it or resent him. I’m the type of person who wants to do what she wants to do and I’m not sure I’ll take too well with a man who’s always making the decisions for us. I suppose I’m a little finicky when it comes to activities. When I don’t want to watch a movie, I really don’t want to watch a movie. And in some cases, I’ll flat out refuse to do so.

    • Renee Wade

      Reply Reply April 26, 2013

      Lol, Kira, is it really the man making all the decisions for you that you feel you wouldn’t take too well? Or is it perhaps the thought that a man is making decisions and telling you what to do but he doesn’t do it for YOUR good, and is selfish about it, that bothers you?

    • Lil

      Reply Reply August 18, 2013

      All this concept for some woman will be misunderstanding …… Just be your self ….. No one can make decisions for you , not even your father …… Understand and admit that you are selfish , can’t deal with other man regardless who they are. Get read of your feminine thinking …. I could tell most feminine grow up without father ore without brother .( no male authority)….. maybe there appearance is satisfactory for horny males , so they use there fem sexuality …..ore some else is there that let them to collect males.
      But finally they admit to them self that they are unhappy with there male collection.
      Some time I miss signs (not looking for them ) and as soon as I hear woman state I have more male friends than fem …. You know who is she . I don’t think woman would date flamboy guy with very feminine behavior , so why would we be stay longer around you….. Ladies just be who you are …. And don’t ever play hard to get …. It will back fire sooner ore later. We tolerate till we get what we want than … :)

  • Wayne

    Reply Reply April 9, 2013

    It’s interesting how tantalized women have become at the mere thought of wanting an “alpha male”. You hear about it in various articles and websites. And in the popularity — mostly with women — of erotic books like “Fifty Shades of Grey.” After a generation of denying any need for a man, has it really become a novelty for a woman to want her man to assume the masculine (and traditional) role?

    Many males among us are directionless and unsure of what they want, much less how to get it. As a result of these problems, they become envious of men who seem to have it all, including all the women! These troubled men become bitter and even self-loathing. They complain a lot, as the author explains. They live with a constant sense of lacking control. If you had to use the “alpha” model, these men are the betas and omegas, depending on the severity of their problems. Women are attracted to them in much fewer numbers EXACTLY because they are not suitable for a normal, healthy relationship. And it should make sense, because these men (perhaps including the author’s ex-boyfriend) don’t have good relationships with themselves!
    …Ranking them as “beta-males”, however, does nothing to help them find their rightful paths to health and personal fulfillment. Many “betas” acquired their unfortunate traits through no fault of their own, by way of neglect, abandonment and abuse when they were children. I understand the need we all have to simplify things for ease of understanding, but I have heard too many intensely stupid conversations in hip groups of mixed company that tried to use this model to explain sexual preferences.

    I’m not suggesting that women should change what they want — or anything else. I just think that this monkey-ranking system is a major distortion of reality, and that it is receiving waaaaaay too much credence. It doesn’t incentivize men to grow, it just tells them to be assholes. I’d wager that’s not the author’s intent and that “alpha male” means something more positive to her, but that is not what men are going to hear. She says she likes a man who knows what he wants and knows how to get it. Madame, you simply are attracted to a mature, masculine, healthy adult male — a rare find in these times of gender confusion, and dysfunctional families. Congratulations!

    There is no such thing as an alpha male. Simply, there is no need to bring in terms that are foreign to the current fields of human development and there is DEFINITELY no need for ranking (unless you are a male asshole or a bitter female who thinks turnabout is fair play and that this demeaning system makes us even for the looks-ranking system scale of 1 to 10 — sorry about that :) ). We should honor all men simply as men, some of whom — if they are lucky — live through periods of darkness and confusion which, ultimately, make them emotionally richer AND more attractive to females. Does it make them “alpha males”? I hope not.

    • Adele

      Reply Reply April 23, 2013

      Great points!!

      • Ian Ironwood

        Reply Reply November 6, 2013

        Not really. The Sociosexual hierarchy is as good a method of describing behavior as any, and dismissing it because it doesn’t feel good is pretty lame. Pretending all men are more or less the same is dangerous, particularly for the men in question. Men develop metrics for a reason; we abandon them at our peril.

  • Rochelle

    Reply Reply March 27, 2013

    “The complainer. You already knew that in your gut though, didn’t you? The man who complains about work, about his boss, about his ex, about his mother, and his father.
    The man who has a bad shoulder injury and goes on and on about it. Oh, and ENJOYS telling the story of how bad it is and how it happened over and over and over and over again.”

    Oh gosh I met one of these lately. He was caring but I noticed every time we spoke he had something to complain about in some area in his life, or whine how he wished he had a chance to do something. he didn’t have solutions and I was feeling afraid he’d start looking to me for solutions. Made it a clear sign I needed to run. Naturally we can’t be happy all the time but I desire a man who is fundamentally happy just like I am. Complainers give out negative energy and feel really draining!

  • T

    Reply Reply March 24, 2013

    A lot of guys spend their entire post-adolescent life practicing alpha-male-behavior. Some practices that I noticed:

    Going to the gym to look tough, not fit; Befriending other tough and dangerous males to avoid conflict with them and attacking weak males to score aggressiveness points; Avoiding showing kindness in most situations, for fear of looking too weak, and being picked upon later; Never letting any verbal attack slide, and be quick in counterattacking verbally, especially when in public; Avoiding situations where there is a possible contact with not-befriended, stronger males; Treating women badly, to show and induce power over them; etc…

    Tough acting and tough looking men are warriors, they go to war their entire life and the war makes them stronger than the inexperienced ones. Picture the Vin Diesel act and look here. Sexy, strong, confident and a men of few words. But the power of these men lies in acting and looking only. Their inner core is not always as strong as the shell. Most of the times, their shell is build during the years, especially to cover their fragile and soft inner core.

    Women are the beautiful sex, and they will always need a stronger sex to give them a straight posture throughout life. They are easily impressed by hard shells, and very vulnerable later on, to the sudden proof of a soft filling. You know what they say, “bad boys are often good inside”. Well… yeah…

    A strong alpha man won’t “throw you on the bed” and won’t keep complaints away from your ears, just to show you he’s tough. He doesn’t care about all that, he does what he wants, complain if he wants and take you to bed in his own personal style, a style he did not adopt from cable TV. He just is, and always will be, stronger than most, stronger than you.

    • Alice

      Reply Reply April 8, 2013

      Actually, I disagree with your opinion.

      Not every woman is submissive and wants to be protected. And not every woman needs a man to take care of her.

      I am a young woman, and am independent, self-reliant, and strong. I have ambitions and want to create them for myself. I do wish to find love some day, but I don’t want a daddy, I want a partner; someone who would tackle life with me, not solve it for me.

      And women are most definitely not weaker than men. We both have our own strengths.

      • T

        Reply Reply April 24, 2013

        Then maybe you’re not into the alpha man described in the article. If you are, you may have a wrong image of yourself. It may be that you WOULD THEORETICALLY LIKE to be like that, but you SECRETLY LOVE to be a little weak girl. Did you like the 50 shades of grey? Yes? Then a) you like alpha men at their worst and b) no, you are not independent, self-reliant or strong.
        It’s not bad to be weak as a woman. You should’t fight it. Women had been like that for millenia and men loved them very much.
        The thing is “alpha male” behavior, in the wild, and in the human society, works because of weak people being drawn to strong people. Strong people are not drawn to strong people. They already have it. They are into nursing the weak, protecting others and being a role model. Other people are drawn to them.
        It is the result of sociological studies, that 3rd world countries show a trend between women to like very masculine and tough men. That’s because they are in danger, life is hard for them, they feel weak and they need protection. Also 3rd world countries have a culture saying women should be submissive. The western models promotes men that are not as strong emotionaly, not as mean and tough looking, with facial traits that are more beautiful than masculine, and promotes women that are stronger, emancipated and not submissive.

        • Lil

          Reply Reply August 18, 2013

          The book 50shades of gray ….Is not really like that …. You vanilla peeps made it big….. And believe me …. Im dominant male (never being switch) in BD&SM most of my life.
          there are 3 kind :
          Dominant
          Submissive and
          Switch.

      • Lil

        Reply Reply August 18, 2013

        That’s great … Like that … (Code) Stand by me , don’t lead ore follow .
        There are some out there …. when you see him you will know .
        Hopping you will meet him sooner.

      • Ian Ironwood

        Reply Reply November 6, 2013

        If you don’t need a man, you probably won’t get one. That’s just how it works, now.

        If you’re independent, you don’t need a man.
        If you’re completely self reliant, you don’t need a man.
        If you are strong enough to face the world alone, you don’t need a man.
        Men who make good partners are looking for someone who needs them, not someone who needs to be entertained by them.

        It doesn’t matter who is weaker . . . a woman’s receptivity is by far more attractive than her self reliance, independence, and strength. I suppose it all depends if the love you want is just for dating or if you actually have what it takes for a commitment. From what you’ve said . . . hey, you’d be a great co-worker. Probably not a great wife.

    • Scott Z

      Reply Reply April 26, 2013

      “Picture the Vin Diesel act and look here. Sexy, strong, confident and a men of few words.”
      Yes, but I’m pretty sure Vin Diesel himself genuinely cares about people in his life and isn’t afraid to show kindness or compassion.

      “Women are the beautiful sex, and they will always need a stronger sex to give them a straight posture throughout life. They are easily impressed by hard shells, and very vulnerable later on, to the sudden proof of a soft filling.”
      The above description only applies to SOME women–not all.

      • T

        Reply Reply April 27, 2013

        I was talking about the women that wrote or approved to this article. They need a stronger sex to give them a straight posture in life. This is what the author is actually saying: “I mean it was as clear as Day: my ex was never going to ‘take care’ of me.”.
        Now, regarding other women that are not like that, I don’t know, they may exists… but I wasn’t talking about them.

      • T

        Reply Reply April 27, 2013

        Also, about Vin Diesel, nobody knows how he is in real life, except those around him. I don’t even care, I don’t like the guy.
        What I do care, found interesting about him and actually wrote here, is that women don’t need to know how he is in real life, they like him for the act. He looks tough, so they like him. His physical attractiveness is mediocre for a Hollywood actor, but his tough act is what’s so catchy. So I was giving him as an example of how beta males can act to be perceived as alphas.
        I’m not saying the guy IS a beta, but he certainly COULD BE, because his fans don’t really know him.

        • Scott Z

          Reply Reply April 27, 2013

          Oooh, okay. I think understand now; thank you for explaining.

          “Now, regarding other women that are not like that, I don’t know, they may exists… but I wasn’t talking about them.”
          Wait, you don’t think they definitely exist?

  • JB

    Reply Reply March 12, 2013

    Great info and personal insight…I wouldn’t mind reading more top content like this ..i’ll be back ASAP!
    JB

  • Michael Chief

    Reply Reply March 7, 2013

    I just found this blog today and I have to say I love it.
    As a “pickup artist” I agree with this article as a whole but as a man living in the modern world there are a number of problems I have with it.

    “Plus, lengthy discussion and gossip is something women do.”
    While I agree that there is a strong distinction between masculine and feminine energy, the egalitarian side of me always has a problem with comments like these. It’s the blatantly hypocritical tone of passing blame on to others for an action you strongly identify with yourself. “You shouldn’t do this because I do it.” I hear women blaming men all the time for being like women and it’s like they’re perpetuating the patriarchal indoctrination of attaching negative labels on the feminine. This is also a dichotomy in my own mind, however, because – hypocritical tone aside – I know that men should be men and women should be women.

    “Talking through things and being hurt and upset or even complaining is what you and I do together, as women, because our natural feminine instinct is not to solve any problems. Connection is the lifeblood of the feminine.”
    I agree that connection is the lifeblood of the feminine, but I disagree with your implication that you need to complain and share negativity with your friends to establish that connection in order to revel in feminine essence. I think you can – and should – do it through sharing more positive thoughts and feelings. I don’t think it’s a matter of masculine vs. feminine here; I think it’s a matter of maturity. Regardless of gender, anyone can learn how to process their negative feelings in a mature way without spreading the negativity to others. I’ve learned this from both Buddhism and Positive Psychology.
    Science has shown that women who practice more “co-rumination” (sharing negative thoughts and feelings with your friends) are generally more depressed than women who don’t. If something leads to depression, I wouldn’t say it’s a natural part of any human essence, feminine or masculine.

    • Renee Wade

      Reply Reply March 7, 2013

      Hi Michael, thanks for your comment, I appreciate you sharing your views!

      One thing: I actually am not implicating that we need to complain and share negativity to revel in feminine essence – I am stating it as it is. ie: women complain and share negativity or they share positivity, through talk.

      It’s the talking (about anything) that women do to try and share energy.

      • Michael Chief

        Reply Reply March 8, 2013

        You’re very welcome. I’m rather excited to have found your blog. I am officially your fan now! I’d love it if you commented on some of my blog posts about relationships sometime. :)

        Another thing I forgot to mention is related to what you say here:
        “Always take a man out with some of your girlfriends. Firstly; if he cares about you; he won’t avoid it.”
        I can’t believe I forgot to comment on this the first time.
        You intended to write this article primarily for single women who aren’t in long term relationships with the men they are dating.
        Why do you think women should feel entitled to having random men care about them? If I’ve just started going on some casual dates with someone, I’m not going to CARE about them. Would you care about a man you barely know?
        To a man, when a woman he is interested in suggests that they hang out as a group, it’s a sign that she is not interested in him, and that he might just be wasting his time. He’ll simply feel rejected, and that he would be less of a man if he walked straight into the friend zone by accepting the hangout.

  • Catherine

    Reply Reply March 5, 2013

    omg I think I am with an Alpha and I HATE IT. He is always trying to tell me what to do. And I am always yelling ” don’t tell me what to do you know I hate that!” and if I am slow in doing something he takes over to try to help me and I yell” hey, just because I am slow in doing something doesn’t mean I want or need everything done for me!!!” I hate it. I think he picked me because he thinks I am stupid. I am always telling him Im not stupid and if I want his advice I’d ask.

    • River

      Reply Reply March 8, 2013

      Erm…Catherine…that doesn’t necessarily sound like you’re with an Alpha male. It sounds like you’re with someone who doesn’t respect you. And that, my dear, is never acceptable.

      My lovely man takes my input all the time. He thinks I’m a genius — smarter than he is in many ways, in fact. But he still loves to drive, still loves to be the “man,” still loves to open jars that I hand over to him with a bat of the eyelashes. ;) However, if your guy is responding to your issues with solutions — they naturally do that. They want to fix things. It’s in their evolutionary biology. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t think you’re capable, but he’s just responding to a perceived need. Next time, just tell him you want him to listen.

  • Mike B

    Reply Reply March 5, 2013

    Haha…look, nothing against women who like a strong guy, but any woman who talks about alpha theory is either uneducated or just spiteful. It takes about 4 seconds on google to discover that alpha theory doesn’t work. The guy who invented the damn term took it back so shortly afterwards, I’m amazed as many people latched onto it as they did. Mostly because scientists have discovered, it’s not the alpha the girls attracted to, it’s the social capitol. On top of that, common sense dictates that most of these “alphas” are vindictive assholes that ruin the lives of people around them. And her first point was she doesn’t want a man who puts others down. The idea of “beta” males being cowardly and afraid, (more proof she doesn’t understand, alpha male theory doesn’t state that the betas are the weakest, it states the omegas are the weakest) is definitely crap. I’m someone who will freely and openly tell alpha supporters that i would be classified as a beta male, but I literally fear nothing and noone. When these alpha males get upset about it, which they do since they think it’s my natural right to back off and give them whatevr they want, they throw tantrums. Just like little boys. I refuse to back down to these people becaue right now we’re in time in the world where we have to shame these people. Look around, things are awful right now because we’ve vindicated selfishness. These people have no real redeeming qualities, they just spend their whole life manipulating people. These people need to be confronted and publicly shamed and humiliated, and if their response is a fight, you need to best them. Only when this has been one do they have a concrete reason to finally understand that they dont naturally deserve more than anyone else. See the difference between me and most people is that I’ll fight the world out of spite, assuming I have a reason to. That attitude has allowed me to really see into the personality of these kind of people, and primarily, it’s a childs mind inside. They really just want the biggest and the best toys. I love how JC down there is actually trying to entreat users into understanding that people are being hurt because of these choices, and a females immediate response is “but..we want”. Yeah big surprise, I’m pretty sure everything you’ve ever done started with “i want”. Anyway I’m here to talk to the other men, so here’s the deal. These alpha males aren’t much, really, in general they don’t think quickly, they don’t innovate and they don’t know how to do much except “appear masculine”, even when it comes at the cost of ACTUALLY GETTING SOMETHING DONE. Theyr’e the male equivalent of eye candy, brainless and entitled, so overall a lack of abilty. Guys who want to have flings with girls who like alpha males, it really just comes down to pretending you’re one. They’ll fall for it if your act is good enough,they have no instincts telling them otherwise. If they did they’d be staying away from “Alpha males”,who will usually end up beating them later out of unhappiness with themself. Look everyone at the bottom of this article is discussing their “Various alpha males” who don’t display this quality or that one. I’m really not trying to be mean, but how much more proof do you need that it’s a subjective term, as in not science. In fact now that I’m re-reading the comments underneath this I’m starting to understand what kind of tone a lot of the women here have. I definitely don’t feel bad for them, it’s a bad position in life when you’re ugly-hearted and stupid, and worse when you’re greedy to boot, but they put themselves there. Bottom line, men, start using your brains to make alpha males look stupid. This is something I talk about openly anytime it’s brought up. You’ll usually offend a few goofballs around you who’ll feel like you’re attacking them. That’s the point. The ones who demand better treatment are the ones who have nothing to offer but expect subservience anyway. Ineptitude is not to be treated as mastery. Yes you’ll likely get in some fights, but there’s nothing better than the look on everyones face when youve just laid someone 1.5x your size out, which you definitely can do especially if you have good dexterity and accuracy. 9/10 fights arent won by the tougher male, they’re won by the first person to hit a nerve hard enough, because life isn’t WWF. It’s what needs to be done because it leaves them with no argument, which is where we need to get them. To the author: What do you want me to say? What you’ve posted her is meant to make a woman feel good, but it’s by making bad choices with little reasoning. You’re married, so as much as you think that entitles you to discuss this, I quite frankly think that means you’re disconnected from the other women here. I’m not here to tell women don’t fall for muscly guys, or to tell men not to build muscle. Im here because alpha males, a group I find generally don’t know how to do much in the real world, are being given title and job positions simply for their supposed alpha status. Job positions which, surprisingly, are run into the ground later. Or straight stealing from society. It’s extremely frustrating when you constantly challenge everyones alpha belief in themself, and win most of the fights, and are still being considered as a “lesser person” by people who are running and hiding from you.

    • Lil

      Reply Reply August 18, 2013

      It looks like you need male friend who will respect you. Hey you never know maybe will grow in to something more serious .
      Good luck to you.

      • Shane

        Reply Reply September 13, 2013

        WOW Lil. Typical useless response. You just ruined every bit of credibility you didn’t have

  • Alpha

    Reply Reply February 27, 2013

    So true, beta males are easy to spot they complain
    As if its their full time job! Never happy with nothing!
    Talk like girls to others complaining about other guys
    Or puttin other people down! They are so insecure and girlish
    Surprised they don’t have a vagina haha! Laters! Man up!

    • Lil

      Reply Reply October 28, 2013

      here we go ….. coming out of wood work.

  • revenchg

    Reply Reply February 15, 2013

    You’re right with the complaining thread !! Guys i used to like doesn’t complain. So as my current relationship. My past relationships always had complainment about everything and sometimes even I dont care about what they say LOL

  • Lindsey

    Reply Reply February 4, 2013

    OMG Jillian I love your stories!! I hope to hear more :)

    • Jillian

      Reply Reply May 23, 2013

      Haha Lindsey!! Ive got lots of funny stories..u got a facebook page?

  • mel

    Reply Reply January 27, 2013

    :( what do you do if this is who you married? And have children with:(
    He fits these characteristics to the T and I have been unhappy for Years
    I have 4 young kids and most of my marriage he blamed me for our problems and got me to believe that was true! The past couple years through healing and coaching I know it’s not just me.

    Can it ever work? Can someone like this EVEr become even close to Alpha?
    When he loses his keys (or his credit card or debit card I die inside BC it happens sooo often I can’t stand it.he loses our family money, doesn’t do importamtjobslikefixing the cars headlights or putting in antifreeze etc.blames everything on ork and no time. He is always scattered ans can’t find his things paces and wastes a lot of time.it’s so hard to be a Girl in this house!

    Sorry my phone is not allowing me to go back and fix typos :/

    Please help:(

  • Prince

    Reply Reply January 18, 2013

    The day you find me a classy female who is intelligent, affectionate, and respectful, then I’ll stop complaining and be more Alpha like. It irritates me that women have to have things their way. What about men? I have high standards for women because I go to law school and expect someone mature who can joke around and be there for me. Just because I am a man does not mean I do not need comforting when I had a tough day at work. So men are supposed to do all the work while the women fall in love and do all their complaining? I do not think so.

    • Renee Wade

      Reply Reply January 18, 2013

      Hi Prince; you are right. Just because you’re a man doesn’t mean you do not need comforting.

      I will say that too many women are far too judgemental of men when they aren’t ‘at their best’ – and it hurts women more than men; mostly because they aren’t seeing that they’re pushing men away who would actually potentially be GREAT at taking care of them, and be manly and present.

      I do want to know though – does it actually feel good to you to refuse being alpha and basically state here that you’re a beta male?

      By the way, women don’t have to have their way if you don’t let them. xoxox

      • Jason

        Reply Reply April 24, 2013

        People are so closed minded and can’t comprehend something that can’t be labeled. They expect someone to always act the same, and follow a routined way of being. Different situations call for different actions and ways of thinking. Women think they are perfect and always know what is best. Well This is like expecting history to always remain the same, nothing unchanged and improving. open your minds. You put men in a box suggesting that they cannot become, better. As in, if an alpha male, is truly an alpha male. He will become other than an outdated form of alpha male, a “better than alpha male” male. Could you recognize such a man? Would you be willing to change? Would you be willing to cast out your old programming? Men are so concerned with what women want, to attract women. Any man that acts like an alpha male to attract women is a tool.

  • Spraggles

    Reply Reply December 29, 2012

    I think tests to find an alpha male are fine, but some of the tests mentioned are somewhat cruel. An alpha male might pass the test, but still walk away anyway knowing what sort of woman he’s dealing with.

    • Serena

      Reply Reply December 30, 2012

      I completely agree with you Spraggles. There’s nothing wrong with testing a man to see if he’s good for you (in fact, being a biology student, I know that this is purely evolutionary and normal). It can save a woman a LOT of time, energy and tears. However, there is a limit. Even though a man is a beta or omega, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t have any feelings :(

      What if your guy tested YOU? Now that’s something to think about.

      And yes, I do believe an alpha male would realize this and escape from this situation :P

    • Ian Ironwood

      Reply Reply November 6, 2013

      A real alpha would welcome the test and not worry about whether or not he passed.

  • Jillian Lynn

    Reply Reply December 10, 2012

    Hers another one!!! I start dating a guy named Michael and I tell him I want to know EVERYTHING aboout his friends..he’ll think you’re interested in his friends cuz u like him…u get a your best looking girlfriend and tell Michael were going out and I want to meet ALL Of your good friends..make sure to tell mike your gf Jessica is single..but she’s really not she’s just helping u do a beta test on your current subject..so naturally mike gets all excited to impress his buddies and they all come over to meet me and Jessica..so I’m observing his friends and notice his best buddy Brian is a muscular hunk of a man..I think to myself this is the Alpha not mike.. So I ask everyone at the same time where we should go of course Brian speaks up. And suggests a club and mikey just nods in approval..mmhhmm just as I thought Mikey’s the beta follower..so we all go out and naturally Jessica gravitates to Brian and they are chatting it up..the point of this test is EVERY GROUP OF FRIENDS HAS AN ALPHA MAN WHO IS THE LEADER OF THE PACK u know the best of the best the guy who all the women flock to not a beta follower.. And you have the right to know who the real man is… So i did a final test on him to finish this up… I told him Jessica wants to hang out with Brian so lets all 4 go to my place.. Of course he’s ok with that cuz he thinks he’s safe that Jessica will be with Brian and Brian won’t want me… Beta males know in the back of their head that their alpha leader can swoop their girl away from them anytime they want…so then tell him Jessica likes to get frisky with me once in awhile and likes 2 girls on 1 guy.. But only 1.. Ask him this.. We can all 4 hang out and the 3some could possibly happen but if it does its a 50 50 chance you’ll be left out and asked to go home or if it would make u feel more comfortable we can just split from them 2… Watch closely to see how he reacts.. If he immediately starts panicking and wants ro split the group you found out he’s the weakling of the pack..so of course he chooses to split cuz he’s so scared and knows well end up with Brian… Now Jessica asks Brian the same thing only Brian was not scared and did not flinch he knows that he’s the better choice and hell win!!! Case closed!!! Brian is the Alpha Man and Always knows women will choose him over mikey..so we all 4 go to my place in the hot tub and I pulled another trick on mikey I started making out with him and invited Jessica over to join… Mikey didn’t know how to handle it… Brian put a stop to yhat by picking up Jessica firmly and passionately and carried her away then Jessica caled me to join and I DID.. Mikey sat their pouring all night and ended up walking home…see the difference Alphas never let someone take what’s theirs but Betas always cower and submit to the dominant male.. Pit males against each other and the Alpha always wins!!! And poor beta will always lose lol

    • Scott Z

      Reply Reply February 18, 2013

      It almost sounds like you enjoy watching people suffer… I’m beginning to think it’s a good thing I’m attracted to women most men aren’t interested in…

    • Anna C

      Reply Reply February 27, 2013

      I don’t know but this post offends me. It’s like you are treating men as subhuman. It’s one thing to watch a man’s actions and decide if he is right for you, but it’s entirely another to put him into a threatening situation in order to weed him out. In my opinion it is not loving, and not compassionate. I as any feminine woman am attracted to men who display more alpha qualities, but I can also appreciate a man who refuses to get into a 3-some situation. In my opinion that shows class. And who cares if he’s not the TOP dog? I thought the point of being with a man is how he treats you, not how much status he has. I don’t know about others out there, but I’d prefer a man who shows some alpha qualities but treats me kindly and like the queen of his world, because then I’ll know that he’s top dog in MY world.

    • Sammy

      Reply Reply March 19, 2013

      haha another way to test if he’s the alpha is after he buys your drink let him talk to you and kina flirt and giggle at his jokes and stuff but after like two drinks tell him your already in a relationship if he keeps buying you drinks BINGO ALPHA lol

    • Sandy

      Reply Reply June 8, 2013

      This is gross. What Alpha male who is dating you and serious about you would agree to a threesome? SERIOUSLY…. let’s think about this. If you want an Alpha male, do you also want some man-whore who would agree to threesomes and random hookups at the drop of a hat?!? OR, if he would agree to it, it would be because YOU have exposed yourself to be a LOW VALUE WOMAN. No true alpha male wants a low value woman like that. Sure, he make have sex with you and engage in the threesome, but after a “test” like that, you would FOREVER be marked off his list as a high quality woman he might like to form a healthy, adult, mature relationship with. Sorry. This is just the truth. If you want an alpha male, you also have to be a hyper feminine woman who is in touch with her true self. And I’m sorry to say, but a hyper feminine woman would never play stupid “tests” like these are try to organize threesomes with the guy she is dating and her “single but really not single” girlfriend and her guy’s friend!

  • JC

    Reply Reply December 9, 2012

    Jillian and Chanel and the Woman who wrote this article..please stop sharing these tests… I am a beta male and not only am I being optessed by the Alpha male but all the women are sharing all the ways to get guys like me outta their life with these tests and its not fair… Alphas get their choice of ANY WOMAN and I get zero women because I’ve been recently trying to date a girl who is very attractive and I’ve been trying to get a date with her for years but she’s always reading stuff like this and she tells me I’m a beta male and I’m not relationship material? So since ALL the sexy women have banded together and agree to only go after The ALPHA MAN this leaves me with NO WOMEN.. Say their are 20 beautiful women and 20 nice looking guys what’s happening is ALL the Women through testing find out who the 1 sole Alpha is and they all chase him NOT FAIR cuz now he gets 20 women and I get nothing…my boss at work gets any woman he wants cuz he’s the manager at hooters and drives a corvette now he has EVERY GIRL THERE CHASING HIM and since I’m only a dishwasher I get zero dates with the beautiful girls there now to make it worse y’all are sharing the alphas winning formula for every woman to see do now I don’t have any chance it’s like y’all are taking my weaknesses and publishing them out their in public sight and alphas get more sex because of this and I get even less..I hate that women need a man more dominant than them because every month a new pretty girl gets hired that I want to date and the boss always tells them they have are in charge of me and I’m just a dishboy so then I never have a chance…it’s like y’all know the Alpha man rules over us but y’all are now laughing that were worthless and women only should pursue alphas who already have everything

    • Anna C

      Reply Reply December 13, 2012

      I feel for you JC. Sometimes an alpha male is not what a woman wants though. My grandma used to say “for every pot there is a lid”.

    • Serena

      Reply Reply December 30, 2012

      Hey, I understand how you feel :(
      But you simply cannot blame women for wanting the best man possible. It’s in their nature. As a man, you would want the best woman for you too huh? In your comment, you weren’t using words like “amazing” or “radiant” women. You used the words “sexy” and “beautiful”. While there’s nothing wrong with that :), I hope you realize that you’re probably doing the exact same thing to women that they’re doing to you…just in another form.

      I also understand your frustrations with alpha males. It’s not fair that every woman go after ONE guy when there are so many men out there isn’t it? :(

      First of all you need to accept that women want the best man they can get and you can’t do anything to change that. It’s their nature, since alpha males=security and power, and we love/need that.

      The only thing you can do is raise up your level. If you want the best girl, then become the best guy ever. Become an alpha (or at least have some alpha male traits). Work for it (in this world, you need to work for nearly everything) , have ambition, build your own life and empire, be masculine. That’s all it takes :)

      Good luck :)

      • Brandon Green

        Reply Reply October 11, 2013

        Hello

        By a man that has been around. Being
        an ALPHA MALE is ok. But i have had to defend myself against the so-called ALPHA. Because i am fairly muscular
        and have a commanding presence people still desire at some point to challenge me(i am 53 years old). The men of the past(before 1960) were the REAL ALPHA’s. Soft spoken and mannerly but watch out. In today’s environment the so called AlPHA will get himself killed.

    • Sandy

      Reply Reply June 8, 2013

      JC… chanel and jillian are not women you – or any true alpha male – would want to be with. If a woman pulls something like what they’ve described on you, consider it a test of HER value and character. This is just disgusting. I am appalled and embarrassed by women like that. I’m with a true alpha male and he would drop a woman like that quicker than you can say “test.”

    • Ian Ironwood

      Reply Reply November 6, 2013

      You aren’t a Beta. You’re an Omega. Big difference. Learn Game and kwitchyerbitchen.

  • Jillian Lynn

    Reply Reply December 9, 2012

    Haha Chanel get em girl!! Manly men will NEVER allow that to happen but a beta will fail for that every time and I hate it when they offer to pay for everything uhhhh desperate… Do u have any more tests? I’d love to hear more..and it might seem mean but I was angry that he had wated my time I just wish I’d done it sooner.. He proved he wasn’t worth my time so there was no way he was gonna see me wearing that EVER! Poor guy

    • Chanel

      Reply Reply December 9, 2012

      I think I give guys a bunch of mini tests. Sometimes I will be a little difficult to see how he handles it…like, I’ll run 10-15 minutes late on purpose or take forever to decide what to eat in a restaurant. If he calls me multiple times in that 15 minutes wondering where I am, and is upset when I get there, he is usually not the guy for me. If he gets impatient with me staring at the menu, he is not the guy for me…alpha men will take charge and try to help you decide what to eat (nicely of course). Also – alpha men usually ask you what you want, and relay that info to the waiter “the lady will have the steak with salad” etc…

      Another good thing to try is when you are driving somewhere, if he asks you for directions, he is not the take charge type…. or EVEN WORSE, if he asks you if the parking space he chose is okay. Just eww to that.

  • Jillian Lynn

    Reply Reply December 9, 2012

    HAHAHA Chanel it might seem mean but when the Dallas Cowboys have training camp every summer lots of players are invited to try out but very get big money contracts.. The others are told thanks 4 your effort but were not interested even though that sad hopeless wanna be player who dreams of success put in all his effort and spent time and energy is it mean? No of course not he was put through grueling tests to test his worth..years after years of being mean to do many hopefuls they find their star player but they continue to test him knowing if he slips any moment he could be cut…if you don’t test and weed out these wanna be men you’ll never find a real man..if not you’re wasting your time..I never forced that boy to do that he did it willingly and then I gave him his test results lol…you need to realize you’re time is valuable and worth every penny…cuz you might think you have an alpha but that’s why I put my suitors through these tests to tell me who has to go… I want a real man who respects his time and money and wouldn’t allow me to abuse him like that…I like your test idea do you have anymore I love sharing ideas cuz you can never test them too much

    • Scott Z

      Reply Reply February 18, 2013

      Actually, it is mean. As you said, however, it’s also an effective way to find and get great football players.

      “ever repulsive Beta Male” “so he begged uhhhh yuck I was so disgusted” “Eeewwe needy”
      It would be wrong of me to fault you for what you are and aren’t sexually attracted to. However, you had found out enough to know you weren’t interested well before he paid for what you picked out. Allowing him to pay and then telling him you aren’t interested is quite a cruel and manipulative thing to do.

      It’s unfortunate such males seem only to be attracted to/interested in women who physically attractive… I’m a male who’s bisexual, and I think I’d be fine with dating “beta males” as you call them. However, I imagine they’d be just as repulsed by my attraction as you are repulsed by theirs.

      My idea of a good relationship, however, does not involve continual ‘testing’ of the nature you described.

      In the future, I suggest using less sociopathic methods of testing: I doubt any “real men” would be interested in a woman so willing to take advantage of others…

      • Sandy

        Reply Reply June 8, 2013

        “In the future, I suggest using less sociopathic methods of testing: I doubt any “real men” would be interested in a woman so willing to take advantage of others…”

        well said! If you want a good, strong, faithful man, you have to be…. (drumroll)…. a good, strong, faithful woman! SHOCKER

  • Jillian Lynn

    Reply Reply December 8, 2012

    Hi Renee I’ve got a great test to weed out the ever repulsive Beta Male lol it’s very helpful and lots of fun! I always take a new boyfriend I’m dating to go shopping with me and go into Victoria’s Secret..I act like I just had to pick something up really quick and then tell him ill wear anything he wants from this store and wear it for him when we go back home but only if he buys.. The last guy I did this to got so excited he said yes without hesitation do I tryed on something then told him to hold it for me while I try on more lingerie…the more he kept giving in and not saying no buried him more and more in the dreaded non boyfriend material friend zone beta male category..he started to get frustrated and asked how much more I was gonna get but he didn’t know this was a test that he’s already pretty much failed out completely..he tryed coming in the dressing room and I said he’s not allowed so he begged uhhhh yuck I was so disgusted I told him to go wait outside..so he pays for it and he’s so excited about seeing me in lingerie he asked me’ so umm when do you think u can try on all that stuff for me in bed?’ Eeewwe needy..I ended it there by telling him I don’t can’t respect a guy who doesn’t respect himself so good riddance , then he walked away with his head down no confidence no selfs esteem and no sex for him MISSION ACOMPLISHED BETA HAS BEEN DETECTED

    • Chanel

      Reply Reply December 9, 2012

      OMG Jillian! Your story is funny…but it’s not nice to make him spend all that money first. Bras at Victoria’s secret are like $50 now girl!

      I think a good test you can perform on your first meetup with a guy is to offer to go dutch. If he accepts, he is beta. No manly man wants a woman to pay for him.

      • Anna C

        Reply Reply December 13, 2012

        I agree with this. If a man accepted to go dutch on a first date, there won’t be a second one. Not because I can’t afford it, but because it feels weird inside.. like he doesn’t want to provide for me. I want a man who’s a protector and a provider. I will provide in more feminine ways.

      • Lil

        Reply Reply October 28, 2013

        jillian Lynn , I am so surprised you know how to write and spell .

    • Brandon Green

      Reply Reply October 11, 2013

      Dear Jillian

      This is a sure fire method to get you
      physically harmed.

  • Gemma

    Reply Reply November 19, 2012

    I am sooo looking forward to the alpha female info! I’m a feminine alpha female that has a great relationship with a guy who’s very much in the middle of the alpha/beta scale and I’m glad someone asked about alpha females!! Can’t wait to read that information!

  • Gina

    Reply Reply November 16, 2012

    This is the Alpha male test I give prospective suitors. I ask them…. If you were going on a car trip with other people, who would you want to drive? Then, I may ask…If you and I are going on a car trip, who would you want to drive? Alpha males want to be in control over as many variables as possible to ensure safe and positive outcomes. They always want to drive. After he has gotten to know and trust you, he may allow or even want you to drive sometimes, once you are in his inner circle/sphere of influence.

    • Renee Wade

      Reply Reply November 17, 2012

      Hi Gina! Thanks for your generosity in sharing this test :)

  • Jackie

    Reply Reply November 16, 2012

    If your man is usually an alpha, but life has thrown a curveball and he seems to be in a slump or without direction, are there ways or words to inspire him to get moving again?

    • Renee Wade

      Reply Reply November 17, 2012

      Hi Jackie, it’s really good that you recognise who he normally is inside. This makes you a valuable woman; because you’re not acting on your fears that HE is not being man enough.

      Yes, your feminine energy will inspire him. Be real, be fun, and also let yourself be vulnerable.
      xox

  • Anne Vanhofwegan

    Reply Reply November 16, 2012

    A man that does not treat his family and parents respectfully is a huge turn off

  • Julia

    Reply Reply November 16, 2012

    Hi Renee,

    Thank you for writing this blog entry, what a perfect timing – definitely needed it today!
    I wrote to you a while ago about my Alpha male… and me being Alpha female, how his masculinity and strength feels overwhelming to me at times, since i’m used to be in control.

    You advise to me was that I need to start loving through my fears… and I did just that, which made our relationship that much stronger. Despite that we’re going through a rough patch right now (mostly me), your article really helped me readjust my focus and see the bigger picture. Ultimately, that’s what I want… a strong, masculine Alpha male, otherwise i would be walking all over Beta as I have in the past.

    There are a lot of positive factors of being with an Alpha male, however, one negative aspect of being with an Alpha male is that sometimes you emotional needs may not be met. You will always be left starving for his attention and affection, but when he gives it to you – it’s like HEAVEN on EARTH lol

    Thank you again for writing about this, I was hoping you would :-)

    • Renee Wade

      Reply Reply November 16, 2012

      Hey Julia, I remember you, and well done for seeing so much GOOD in your situation!

      Remember it takes time for an alpha to learn to give you the attention you need – and thank goodness for the journey. What on earth would we value as human beings if everything came at once or when we wanted it? xoxox

  • Mary

    Reply Reply November 16, 2012

    I’ve got another big red flag…
    Financial Irresponsibility. He asks you to borrow money and is often too broke to pay for dates. His phone gets shut off often due to non-payment, and his coffee table is scattered with pink ‘past due’ envelopes. He still lives with his parents, relatives or a houseful of roommates. He spends impulsively and lives paycheck-to-paycheck. If you stick with this guy, guess who will soon be picking up the job of family provider?

    • blogster

      Reply Reply March 9, 2013

      but aren’t you an empowered, modern, sassy, independent, EQUAL woman?

  • Jacobitess

    Reply Reply November 16, 2012

    I have a question about the other 20% of the time, when he’s not being an alpha :) My boyfriend went to a political march the other day (he’s a man of strong convictions) and met with some friends from an organization he’s a member of. He touched base with a few, and they agreed on meeting up, but one of his ‘brothers’ gave him a few weak excuses about not knowing where and when he was joining the march.

    ‘I got the impression he didn’t want to meet up with me.’

    Well, you can guess what I did. Before I could even stop myself I asked if that had hurt him. My boyfriend shrugged and genuinely said that it didn’t concern him much. Of course, it didn’t, he’s not my sister. Yet, that is the kind of thing that would have hurt my dad.

    What do y’all think I should have done in such a situation? Do you commiserate humourously, look sympathetic, shrug (as he did) or, or what?

  • Ingenue

    Reply Reply November 15, 2012

    For me another tell tale sign of a beta man is when he knows or even cares about fashion..I understand and welcome compliments about my clothes or my hair but if he knows the right color of my dress and notices my hairstyle then for sure not an alpha male.. Also if he dresses well and wears slim fit clothes or pink, not very masculine… I want to be the pretty one in the relationship. Of course that doesn’t mean I want a bum

    Also an alpha male doesn’t have to be necessarily rich but have some ambition and show it. When I meet a guy that’s stuck in a dead end job and not doing much to change it, for me it’s a red flag that he’s not going to be a good provider for me in the future. Sure, we all hit dry spells in our life but I’m observant of his attitudes and if he’s doing something to change it other than look for a woman to take care of him.

    • May

      Reply Reply November 15, 2012

      Totally sign up to the 2nd paragraph, not so much to the 1st one though. What about a guy who owns a fashion empire? Is he still not “alpha” enough for you?)

      • Ingenue

        Reply Reply November 16, 2012

        Not really, fashion is an industry for women, gays and metrosexuals.

        • Tom

          Reply Reply November 16, 2012

          Hmm.. I can see the second point you make but the first, about fashion sense I do not. There are many men who are alphas and observe, actually pay attention to whats going on around them. Just day-to-day watching can tell a man if something fits together or not, and any man can tell if they think something looks good on a woman or not as well.

          I find that comment interesting from a social perspective. So many women complain their guy DOESNT notice something and then if they do, they arent man enough.

        • Donna

          Reply Reply November 16, 2012

          Hey Ingenue,
          with all due respect to you, I have to say that I disagree with your comment that ‘fashion is an industry for women, gays and metrosexuals’ – though I do have a gay friend who is involved in the fashion industry (and it does seem that many prominent designers are women or homosexual), there are some men who dress well and are alpha – and even some who work in fashion (I know a few alpha male photographers, for instance).

          I think taking care of one’s appearance – whether you’re male or female – is important, though I agree that pink is a turnoff, and obviously caring excessively about one’s appearance isn’t very attractive, especially in men.

          Definitely agree with your point that men who don’t take control of their financial situation aren’t particularly masculine, I think that when men complain but don’t DO anything about issues, it’s a clear signal that they’re not really relationship material.
          - Donna

        • May

          Reply Reply November 16, 2012

          I think we’ll agree to disagree here. We have a popular quote from a 19th-century novel in my language that goes like “you can be a man of affairs and yet take care of your manicure”. James Bond is the epitome of masculine and well-dressed, in my opinion.

  • May

    Reply Reply November 15, 2012

    Oh but do they stay around, these alphas?
    It hurts to know that for the most part, you are nothing but a lingering episode in his biography.
    Or, if you are “lucky” enough to become his wife/permanent girlfriend, you would have to put up with a quazillion of other “bidders”.
    Maybe we should just admit that the Indiana Jones type is only good for three-day relationships?

    • Renee Wade

      Reply Reply November 15, 2012

      Hey May! Are you thinking of a player? Or a serial monogamist?

      Here’s the thing…there are plenty of steadily committed & married (or marriage-material) men who are alpha.

      In fact, the men who treat their WORD & their promises as serious are often the alpha type!

      Many men will stick around and be your alpha male :) remember though how crucial it is that You be the type of woman who inspires this heartfelt commitment!! (something we address in Commitment Control).

      Thank You for reading, lovely! XoxoX

  • Inna

    Reply Reply November 15, 2012

    Hi Renee,

    Thank you for the wonderful post. It touched my heart. Here is a question I have: can a Beta male ever become an Alpha male or is it something in his DNA – unchangeable? And if that kind of change is possible how his woman can help?

    • Donna

      Reply Reply November 16, 2012

      Hi Inna,
      I know that you were hoping for Renee’s input, but I hope that my experience with this might be helpful to you.
      I was in a relationship with a ‘beta’ male last year, and it was great at first – but then he started to be needy, always wanting to know where I was, who I was with, how long I’d be, etc. (and it wasn’t as though I was out at all hours of the night, just going to the gym, popping down to the shops, seeing friends – normal stuff!).
      When I found Renee’s blog and started to actively, consciously use and strengthen my feminine energy, I felt great – more calm, more ‘balanced’, more at home with myself – but my boyfriend started to get even more clingy! I think, on some level (though I feel a bit bad saying this) he might have felt as though now that I was more confident in myself, and getting more male attention, that he no longer held as much sway over my behaviour – it was sort of like he was a toxic girlfriend, rather than my partner!
      Eventually, I just had to end it, because I felt that he was pushing me to ‘wear the pants’, and I no longer felt happy to do so.
      I think it might depend on where your man is on the ‘alpha > beta’ scale – maybe if he’s in the middle he just needs your feminine energy to ‘unlock’ his masculinity?
      I really hope everything works out for you, Inna, but just remember that if it isn’t working out, there’s no shame in moving on, lovely.
      - Donna xox

      • Inna

        Reply Reply November 17, 2012

        Hi Donna,

        Thank you very much for sharing experience! You are right it depends on the alpha – beta scale. He does have many masculine traits. But there are a few things I am very upset about like him critisizing everyone. Almost every man gets his critical opinion and very few (his friends) don’t ((

    • Ian Ironwood

      Reply Reply November 6, 2013

      He can break his Beta, if he understands what’s wrong. You can even help him.

      But it isn’t easy. It requires commitment and support. But the right kind of support.

      These alpha-beta designations are used to describe behavior. Behavior can be changed. It has little to do with genetics.

  • Chanel

    Reply Reply November 15, 2012

    Yes yes yes! I wish I had this guide years ago, Renee. I have a problem of giving men the benefit of the doubt in the beginning of relationships…I see one “alpha” sign and think I have the real thing, and ignore all the beta signs flashing in my face…but experience has taught me that all your points are soooo valid. This is a great guide and I will definitely use the key & wallet test :)

    I really, really thought I found my alpha male…but just recently realized he is not the one. First sign? Despite visiting my apartment THREE times, he couldn’t remember which building I lived in in my apartment complex, or my apartment number. He needed me to come out and “wave” him in…on his fourth visit. This really made me feel like I couldn’t depend on him to know where to go.

    Second sign? He (too comfortably) called me at midnight and asked me to pick him up from the auto repair shop across town in the morning…and forgot that I have to work (shouldn’t he have a buddy for this sorta thing?)

    Third sign? He would call for impromptu dates, and forget that I have a six year old. I can’t just meet for tacos in ten minutes. I felt very sad about this – how can you forget that I am a mom?

    Maybe he just suffers from a bad memory – but I certainly cannot place my life in the hands of a man who forgets everything.

    • Renee Wade

      Reply Reply November 15, 2012

      Ah dear. Waving him in, yes, this wouldn’t feel good, in my body and I can see why it felt bad for you. Good thing you picked up on these things.

      PICK HIM UP? hmm….yes, I’d be second guessing things, too.

      Nothing wrong with driving a man, but it wouldn’t feel right to me if a man expected me to pick him up.

      Think about this: a masculine man feels at home when he can drive YOU.

      Unless, you know, he’s in DIRE NEED of your help to pick him up and you’ve already established trust together.

      It’s so important to feel what your body is saying to you in these moments and if it feels really BAD…re-consider your choice to date him.

  • Serena

    Reply Reply November 15, 2012

    Wow! I must say that I’m impressed by this article Renee, it really hit me in a special way since I’ve always wanted an alpha male myself. It’s a fact that women always love a man with confidence, focus and masculinity ;)

    However, I have a question for you: what about alpha females? You know, the strong, independent (and still very feminine :P) girls? I heard alpha males and alpha females make very HOT relationships together because the woman has a strong character. Is it because she’s a challenge?

    I’m asking this because you mentioned letting the man take over and tell the girl what to do. Being an alpha female and my boyfriend being a VERY masculine alpha male, I still don’t like it when he constantly tells me what to do. A part of me wants freedom since people have always tried to boss me around and control who I am. I do let him be in command and help/support me like I want a man to do, however, I don’t think it’s trully the right thing to do as a feminine woman when she lets him command ALL the time. I want to be listenned too!

    So, I’m asking you : can alpha females and alpha males form a long-lasting and passionate relationship when the woman doesn’t always let him take the lead (but still does sometimes). Does she ALWAYS have to be submissive even though sh

    • Renee Wade

      Reply Reply November 15, 2012

      Woahhh – this is a BIG topic Serena! Maybe to be addressed later.

      For now though? OF COURSE it’s fine to not want to be told what to do! Totally, totally fine.

      Neither do I like to be told what to do, BUT I’ve learned to trust my man (and he’s earned my trust) so I ENJOY being told what to do when it’s right.

      It’s fine to let him tell you what to do when it feels right and to fight it other times – let yourself find your way; and allow you both to find your way together.

      Every relationship has to find its own tune.

      Submissiveness isn’t something you should do all the time. That would feel awful :S

      It’s more important to have passion; and it’s incredibly important to be able to not be nice all the time and as you say, be a challenge.

      I’m definitely NOT telling women to be submissive all the time. I’m not even saying be submissive.

      I’m saying let yourself be vulnerable and let yourself trust the RIGHT man. xoxox

      • Tom

        Reply Reply November 16, 2012

        My guy friend says that he likes a women too allow him to be the leader but not be incapable of leading or expressing her emotions over something. He admits that some decisions are 50/50 and some are more for the guy to decide and others for the woman to decide. A balance is what is best.

      • Donna

        Reply Reply November 17, 2012

        Thanks for clarifying this, Renee, I really appreciate it. I know that you are always so busy working on your programs and the blog, as well as needing to spend time with David and family and friends, but when you get the chance to, I would be very interested to hear what you have to say on the alpha female and alpha male relationship issue.
        Also, thanks for a great article!
        - Donna :)

        • May

          Reply Reply November 17, 2012

          Me too!!! Can’t wait to hear your opinion)

  • Michelle

    Reply Reply November 15, 2012

    This article (and ALL of your emails for that matter) was very informative about my relationship. Parts of him, he’s an Alpha man (literally fraternity wise too lol) however other characteristics show me his weaker side. He can be very, VERY indecisive about everything, he never takes charge…anywhere …(yea, there)…and it’s rare that he’s too quiet and reserved often times. Unless he’s being a jerk with his friends and gossiping.

    • Renee Wade

      Reply Reply November 15, 2012

      Hi Michelle, interesting. Thanks for reading and taking in my points!

      Indecisiveness in a man is ok a small percentage of the time. SMALL!

      Here’s what’s interesting – the longer an alpha man ha been committed to a woman, the more room there is for him to be indecisive (about specific, maybe small things) and for it to still feel safe for you as a woman; because it means he has learned to trust you and let himself feel deeply connected to you.

      YET – I believe that if your body is saying “EWW” or “YUK” to his indecisiveness A LOT – think about it carefully. Is this what you want? If it feels really wrong, it usually is wrong.

      Either way, thanks for reading :)

      • anonymous

        Reply Reply April 6, 2013

        If you love the quality that alpha must be independent and should not be needy, Isn’t it a logic that he won’t be dependent on you. He will also put you through the tests and if you don’t measure up to his needs, then, he will,of course, find someone else.

        Thanks Renee, You are awakening lot of beta males. They are going to learn this and use against women like us by acting like alpha until their needs are met and move on. Or if they find that we are not going to satisfy their needs, They will break up and leave for somebody else. All you are doing is encouraging gaming on the part of men.

        I am afraid that men now started sharing what works and what is not with women like us. They will also start keeping scoring system for every one. It will come back to bite us then..

        • Eric

          Reply Reply April 23, 2013

          I am alpha. Human services field. There are many different kinds of alphas depending on the personality of the person. Basically he is just a mature responsible male. That is why wo men feel safe with them. Most require an alpha female as a partner. These ladies are kind and classy.

        • Sandy

          Reply Reply June 8, 2013

          I wouldn’t worry too much about this… if YOU are truly feminine and TRULY in touch with your feminine energy, with your intuition, with YOURSELF, and with what is right for YOU – you will be able to tell. You will not fall head over heals with a man who isn’t right for you. At a certain point, energy cannot be faked. Sure… these “beta” males might be able to fake it for women who are insecure, don’t trust their intuition, and/or who aren’t truly centered in their feminine energy. But remember… relationships (from casual dating to marriage) are a two way street. There is an INTERMINGLING or energies and an interdependence: the feminine and the masculine entering into a dance with one another. So you also must be in and act out of your feminine energy. Being vulnerable, feminine, even submissive does NOT mean “sitting like a log waiting for whatever to happen to you.” Eric is 100% correct. Alphas are mature and responsible. They aren’t given to trends or tricks or games. Eventually, a player’s trick will show, but it is up to us women to not fall for the shiny outer shell, but to have enough confidence in ourself and our intuition to know when something is right and when it’s not. My guy doesn’t play games. I think he probably couldn’t really if he wanted to. Not because he’s a beta or an omega (actually betas are the MAIN players and gamers….not the alphas) but because he simply has no interest, and because his mind is not wired to create convoluted games and manipulations. He is to the point. He is simply too busy and focused on his work, his passions, his career, to be playing games and chasing tail. Now, he does have the same need for female companionship and sex… but once he finds it and finds the woman who provides it for him, he commits to her. He doesn’t need to game women in order to feel powerful or accomplished. He gets his power from his work and his accomplishments, not from women.

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