5 Signs He is NOT an Alpha Male

He is NOT an Alpha Male

The following are examples of what I feel an alpha male would not look like. Having said that…

Beware of these if you are in a Long-term Relationship!

If you are in a long term relationship right now, take these 5 indicators LIGHTLY. They do not hard core apply to YOU all the time, because when you spend THAT much time with someone, you realise that we all have moments where we slip in to different roles and he might have done something once or twice that indicated he was a beta male but really he isn’t. (Click here to complete the quiz “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?)

And that is normal, and natural and there’s nothing wrong with that. Just like you show up in your masculine energy sometimes, no matter how beautifully feminine or motherly you are 80% of the time.

If you’re dating…

This post is for you if you are single and dating and want a strong alpha male and want to sift through the men who perhaps won’t be that strength for you when you need him to be. I don’t know about you – but I know when I was dating, it was INCREDIBLY helpful to have signs to go by, before wasting time with someone who isn’t right for you.

What is an Alpha Male?

In today’s day and age, because most of us do not live in tribes anymore, the alpha male might not be as OBVIOUS, so that’s why I believe signs are more important.

Thousands (even millions) of years ago, it was obvious who the alpha male was; he was the guy who lead the tribe, who got the pick of ALL the women, and fathered most of the tribe’s population!

But of course, other men hated that because they didn’t get the opportunity to pass on their genes; one man commandeered all the female reproductive resources; so of course, the society we have today works MUCH better for most of us; where, for some of us, we can be UNEMPLOYED and still pass on our genes.

Hell, we can live off the government, be on drugs, and still Pass on our genes. Not good; but it still happens.

Yet; as a woman, you can feel whether a man is a dominant or submissive man, right?

Here is how I define an Alpha Male

In today’s day and age, signs that a man is an alpha male are signs that he has a strong masculine energy; that he is not afraid to be dominant and to hold his ground.

Just because a man is an alpha male doesn’t mean he can’t have a well developed feminine energy, too. Remember that! It’s simply because he’s more multi-dimensional.

Dominant, BUT in what Way?

Now for some men, they’ll be the ‘dominant asshole’, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing; it depends how he shows up as that asshole. And some women still like this type of man, and it works for them, which is great!

Or, you get the (rare) enlightened man who is spiritual and still very clearly alpha; or has a strong masculine energy. These men are rare; and it takes a well developed feminine energy to create attraction and develop a relationship with this type of man. (Get your “Goddess Report” here)

And sometimes, it’s hard to tell what man is what, so that’s where some indicators come in really handy!

Here are the 5 indicators that a man is not an Alpha Male:

1) When socializing and talking, he often talks in a way that puts other people down.

For me, there really is no faster indication that this man has a very weak masculine energy. Not only because he’s insecure, that’s not even half of the reason! The reason why this is a sure-fire indicator that a man is not an alpha male is because alpha males are far more centered and focused than that! In order to look to put others down indirectly or directly, it just shows his lack of ability to focus and the lack of direction in his life.

Men who have a sense of mission, and who are focused, don’t have the brain space to look for ways to gossip and TALK about how other people are less than, or are losers.

Plus, lengthy discussion and gossip is something women do. Look out for this one. I really can’t stand men who gossip in a way that puts other down; because I can feel their lack of authenticity.

Sure, sometimes we all have to gossip and maybe tell it like it is; but there’s a difference between telling it like it is and having most of what comes out of your mouth be a put down or criticism of other people. Gossip is a form of sharing of feminine energy – not a strong masculine energy.

2) Other women don’t pay attention, and aren’t interested in listening to him when he speaks.

An alpha male more often than not, has the ability to engage people and is not afraid to engage people. Always take a man out with some of your girlfriends. Firstly; if he cares about you; he won’t avoid it.

If he just wants sex, he’ll try to avoid it. If he comes along, observe what he’s like with your friends. It’s not a secret that if a man is standing and talking, and a few women are looking at him, his attractiveness to women automatically goes up incredibly, studies have proved this, and it is in the subconscious female mind.

It’s a kind of ‘pre-selection’; ie: other women are willing to give him the time of day; other women like him, which means A LOT in the female mind when it comes to choosing the best man. It also helps you feel more secure choosing him.

3) He seeks approval. A big one.

Any man with a strong masculine energy will listen to a woman’s opinion, but take it in to consideration.

An alpha male is so strong in his choices; and he is so stable in his own choices that other people’s opinion only count for so much. HIS choices matter the most.

If he’s seeking approval from other women especially, then observe carefully.

The way I learned this was through my ex. This is a very extreme example. It’s almost….too weird to share. But I’m ok with that.

I used to have to reassure him that his jeans looked ok on him. Not once. Not even twice, and no, not thrree times, but over and over again! Yikes!

See, I know what a bad idea it is to be the man in a relationship when it isn’t natural for you (and it definitely wasn’t natural for me). No wonder I couldn’t stand him; I stayed because I didn’t know any better. AND because I thought it was cool to have everything ‘under control’. Thank Goodness I now know better. (read my article about how to get out of your painful relationship now)

4) He never knows where his keys and wallet are.

You can test this out with a (literal) and fun test, if you are far along enough in the dating process to be able to do this. Have his back turned to where his keys and wallet are and in a playful and excited voice; ask him: “without looking around, where are your keys? And also where is your watch?”

Are you wondering what this has to do with anything? Well; A LOT! Think about it….masculine energy is very directed. A man can’t be a hunter, or fight at war, or take charge of anything if his mind and eyes are lazy and wandering all over the place; he has to have some sort of direction.

I don’t care how long ago men were hunters; it is in their DNA, males have (over the course of millions and millions of years) trained themselves to properly and efficiently hunt.

And a man who is mostly living in his masculine energy and who has a strong masculine energy, will KNOW where he keeps his keys! Why? Because his keys are the reason he can GO or drive anywhere, in the direction he wants to go.

If he loses things all the time; do you feel good? Do you trust him? Or do you just think he’s cute?

Remember that masculine energy is directional – it knows where it’s going; and if it doesn’t, it finds out – or pretends to know, at least for that moment 🙂 A man with a weaker masculine energy most of the time; won’t mind you telling him where to go, and he’ll relax and enjoy that. An alpha male or a very masculine man will probably ignore you instead if you tried. And thank goodness! Finally! A man you can respect!

5) The complainer.

You already knew that in your gut though, didn’t you? The man who complains about work, about his boss, about his ex, about his mother, and his father.

The man who has a bad shoulder injury and goes on and on about it. Oh, and ENJOYS telling the story of how bad it is and how it happened over and over and over and over again.

Complaints complaints complaints.

So…..Where or when does he have any time to actually take the problem at hand and deal with it?

WELL! He’s not even looking to deal with the problem. He just wants to blurt a bunch of complaints out. Good for him! But maybe not so good for you if you want a passionate relationship with him!

Talking through things and being hurt and upset or even complaining is what you and I do together, as women, because our natural feminine instinct is not to solve any problems. Connection is the lifeblood of the feminine.

We just need to connect, talk, and 2 hours later; WAH-LA! We feel better, and it’s like that other problem didn’t exist. (what was the original problem again??)

The bounce returns to our step and we are ready to move on to the next thing. If a man is more towards the alpha male on a spectrum of Beta -> Alpha, then he will not complain, but rather, eliminate (move away from), or SOLVE the problem.

Not solving the problem makes him feel like less of a man.

I was happy to finally find a man who didn’t complain, after dating several men.

Looking at my husband’s personality, I cannot remember even once where he complained about anything.  And of course, I adore him for it.

When I realised this about him; it was like a huge light bulb went off in my head (and in my heart); this taught me A LOT about the past men I dated, and how they were nothing compared to the man I have now.

Contrast, baby. Contrast.

And, the best thing about this is that I can trust him to be a man; so I can relax and be a woman. If you’re looking for a passionate relationship where you are taken care of, this is an important one, so look out for it!

Before I found my husband, men used to try to lure me in by telling me how bad their ex girlfriend was and how they don’t have enough sex and how their work is crap…and this is without me even asking; so their complaints were not really in context of an ongoing conversation!

They were random, inauthentic attempts to get my attention. No thanks! Next!

There are a lot of other indicators that a man is not an Alpha Male. Have you experienced any of these Signs with the men you’ve dated? Share it with us! Do you have any comments to add to the mix? Leave a comment below sharing it with us. 🙂

And one last thing: if you are looking for ways to screen out immature men, I give you all the right questions to ask a man to test him and how good his character is, click here to check Understanding Men program.


  • audio player

    Wow, you’re a piece of shit.

  • Michael Simmons

    Maybe if people quit talking all this alpha-beta-white knight-blue pill crap and just were themselves and acted like decent human beings trying to be the best they can be — society might not be quite as messed up as it is.

  • Michael Simmons

    This article is bullshit. It’s ok for women to piss, moan, and gossip …. But it’s not ok for a man to say “my shoulder hurts really bad” or “my supervisor is a jerk”? Total hypocrisy. Goddess energy ? What a bunch of nonsense. You women go for jerks and dominant types —–fine, that’s your choice: just don’t complain when you get burned.

  • Finney James

    Alpha male is a man to man relationship I am not able to understand how a woman can decode this by looking at a man’s behavior with women
    even an alpha male has butter fingers and his knees stat knocking when he is in the prescience of women and starts blurting out nonsense

    • Michael Simmons

      I don’t respect bosses who are terrors. I loathe them. In fact, I’d like to send all the Type A people (male and female) to a designated island, where they can battle it out with one another…..and leave the rest of us the fuck alone to live and work in peace

  • Tahatch Bearwolf

    You are part right, but never forget that truly dominant men are defined by their force, not their charm and certainly not by little girlys writing blogs.

  • Victor

    Wow…I stumbled across this and I must say that this has just put gender relations back about 40 years. This is such a load of complete crap. I really hope this woman does not have any actual influence on her readers. Let me give just a few examples:

    “Or, you get the (rare) enlightened man who is spiritual and still very clearly alpha; or has a strong masculine energy.” WTF is this supposed to mean? So a man who has put in the time to consciously examine his life, look beyond himself, and seek spiritual truths is rarely masculine. What complete drivel.
    If he gossips or complains he is not Alpha…he is acting like a woman: Two things about this…first, the implication is that being a woman is inferior because they gossip and complain. And while many women in my experience do gossip and complain, are we ready to make this general statement. Second, to say that it’s OK for women to gossip and complain (cause that’s how they are) and not OK for men, is a complete cop-out. How about we just say to gossip and complain are undesirable and unattractive qualities in anybody (man or woman) and we should do our best to avoid them.
    I could go on….what a joke.

  • Super Janice

    My father is not an alpha male! I am more directional than him!
    Unlike him, I always know where my keys, wallets etc. are because I prefer to put those stuff in same places every time.

  • Bongstar420

    No wonder women are getting the progressively shorter end of the stick with dating and marriage.

    Just remember, alphas are sex toys for you to use while your beta is your slave you depend on for every other need you may have.

  • CO

    What are you whining about?

  • CO

    So in short you want to date a wife beater? LOL

    • Jim Johnson

      Abuse has nothing to do with being alpha, quite the opposite. A guy that beats on his wife/kids is insecure and decides to pick on the weaker people around him to compensate. Effective leadership is not coercion, it is taking charge of a situation in a way that people will follow your lead, not being herded like cattle.

  • Bongkey

    It was never clarified why one would choose an alpha male. Is it really that obvious why an alpha would be the best choice?

  • kosten

    Being masculine does not mean being Alpha! I know plenty of Alpha men that constantly put others down, it is part of the competitive Alpha streak! Also all men are biologically masculine in some way, but not all masculine men are Alpha! If all men were Alpha we would not have any single working social Group, Because they would all kill each other ! What you are refering to is the “new gender”; it is not male nor female, and it has no place in any relationship. . But than again, if you decide to dump a guy because he can not find his car key, I think you should check your priorities ..

  • Vincent Sebastian

    Hahahaha… you have to be kidding. Conjecture.

  • mac90

    The alpha having the pick of all the women in the tribe? I think not. Surely that is a very weak hypothesis. Jelousy would have sorted that out.
    I know, because I get it now from short guys who think I am out to tup their wives after saying good morning, which leads to threats of violence. With them hiding behind the Police if I ever dare to retaliate and distribute some much needed manners.

    I prefer to have female friends who come around now and then, rather than a ‘living together, long term thing’. Tried that. Women weaken men with their demands and mind games, takes the edge off of a man’s strengths, as well as fattening him up.

    As for long term relationships, do not bother. I have lost count the amount of married women drooling, no joke. Well versed with the ‘It’s the childrens after school club today…….

  • guest

    interesting. this is a pretty good description of beta females too. i don’t buy in to the whole alpha/beta thing. people are dynamic and adaptive. but if i had to make a call, i would say any man that describes himself as alpha, is most certainly not alpha.

  • Clarissa Hope

    One of the most foolish, useless, banal, insipid, immature, ignorant and destructive aspects of humanity is an apparently universal penchant for placing ourselves and others into trite, juvenile, overly-simplified boxes and categories and slapping labels on everything we are too effing lazy or disinterested in to bother examining and considering in the detail that invariably is warranted. I thought we had all evolved to the point where we all agreed that everybody is unique and different? No, wait, scratch that…let’s go back to the childish box and label crap…good effing night! Humanity, just when I thought you had it together you just pissed all that away. At this rate we will never truly become intelligent life.

  • Yuri Seki

    So basically this girl wants her boyfriend to be a selfish, narcissistic, arrogant guy that disrespects his girlfriend’s opinions, cheats on her or flirt with other women that are attracted to him, doesn’t give a shit about her requests, controls/dominates her, makes her stay at home and cook for him/clean the house etc.

    I’m not even a supporter of feminism nor am I a liberal, but a guy being a misogynistic dick doesn’t make him a man. This girl doesn’t seem to get that because she probably comes from a Christian family that still lives according to the Bible. The type of guys she approves of are the type of guys that end up beating their girlfriends up or cheat with other women and stuff.

    I think a real man with respect and self-confidence are actually “good listeners” or they tend to be “accepting” “tolerant” with the woman they love and willing to respect her requests or opinions but share his own thoughts. Usually this these type of men are monogamous, unbiased, caring, gentle, intelligent and warm-hearted. They have there own opinions and have solid principles but are still open-minded to listen to the woman’s idea as well and knows when to have a discussion. I think the type of guy that are too selfish to listen to a girl’s request or doesn’t allow to spoil his girlfriend, isn’t worth the time seriously.

    I know what I’m talking about here. This article is bullshit and don’t get brain-washed by an idea that comes from a girl that was raised by some kind of patriarchal household.

  • karma

    Is this article serious?

  • Tekla Mae

    Great article. So I tell you some of my opinion. I am an alpha woman. Yes, i know it, my hubby is a great beta, if you want to talk in categories. And all i can tell about my relationship with him: is perfect. I know him more than anyone in this world, i like lifting him up from childish complains, from isterical cries, and so on. He looks great, i help him in this. He is mature, and even with his submissiveness he is my hero because he stand me, my controll, my visions and my ordering tone. I would walk through fire for him. Why? Just because love is like that. We always learn and always go on. But, what i cant take is other people gossip absolulty wrong about betas. They are man, male, yes they will be managers, and so on with a great woman behind them. Even an alpha male needs sometime an alpha woman. But, just to see clear this stuff: look around, and see. Most of the womans are beta, and you cant find alpha male on every every corner. So? We change. 🙂 our self, or them. That means to be human. No? Just love, fight for your relationship. Because, even if he is a beta or an alpha male, you will have problems, you will have family. And sometime, being beta or alpha means just a respons to situations. Believe me.