How to Respect A Man

how to respect a man

What does Respect Look like to a Man?

Read on to know how to Give a Man Respect…

Everybody knows men crave respect in an intimate relationship with a woman.

But it’s not always automatic to give it. Lately I’ve been toying with the idea that respecting a man is not 100% always a woman’s conscious choice, specifically in an intimate relationship situation.

Here’s why: I feel deep respect for my fiancee, and it’s not logical. I don’t TELL  myself to respect him. He earned it by not being willing to be a passive man. I FEEL respect. It’s in my gut, it’s in my heart, and it exists as a part of my body. It is a part of me, almost like the lifeblood that runs through my body.

However, I have also chosen to GIVE respect to him even when I was scared.

Do you feel the same? Do you think that respecting a man is not your choice? Perhaps it is something you have to FEEL for a man?

Men who Command a woman’s Respect Automatically

I believe there are some men in the world, a smaller population of men, who command respect from a High Value woman automatically.

For example: we walk past them in the street and it’s just the way he carries himself, the way he walks past you without checking you out and instead is fully focused on his mission in life; and he is true to that mission 100% and know his place in the world – you can’t help but respect him.

A woman who holds herself as Low Value might just chase after him and try to sleep with him and hope he will marry her, but a High Value woman will silently acknowledge him under her breath and give him respect instinctively.

A lot of men don’t deserve your respect; they talk a lot and do little, like many women do anyway. (read my article on the ideal man)

Respect in a Relationship with a Man

But when it comes to a relationship with a man, here’s what I suggest. You may not respect him fully YET. But give him the benefit of the doubt for one month.

You have to give yourself the chance to FEEL respect for him and give him a chance to be the Man.

Unless of course, he is completely useless as a man in a relationship. Some men just like to walk through life getting easy sex and not caring about anyone but their Mom. IF they even care about their Mom. And they like to just check you out and they have no idea that human beings have feelings; and that we have a soul, deeper than just being a piece of meat.

These men are probably not worth your time.

And – you don’t have to respect any man who is not worthy of your respect OUTSIDE of dating or a relationship. But when it comes to dating and having a relationship with a man, respecting a man matters, for the health of the relationship between you both.

BUT – here’s why  suggest giving the man you’ve chosen to date, the benefit of the doubt and respect him:

If you don’t start off respecting a man in any way at all, he can’t trust you, and the foundation of your connection falls to pieces. He can’t be the man you want him to be in the relationship, because you don’t even believe in him. You’re not giving him that gift. And if you don’t believe in him, he won’t trust you, or commit to you fully. He’s going to doubt you and feel afraid.

If instead, you start off dating a man coming primarily from FEAR – you can’t show respect or feel respect anyway. You’re not even there yet, because you are too fearful, and too much in survival mode.

Another thing…

The majority of women in this world prefer to marry UP. To heighten their social status, to be more financially stable…to be with a man who is more intelligent than her and makes more money than her. It’s instinctive. It doesn’t mean you can’t marry a man who makes less money than you do – provided you respect him and are really attracted to him, it doesn’t matter.

But biologically, women are driven to seek men of status; and to seek men of higher status than we are.

Men know women seek High Status Men

And here’s why that matters in relation to respect: men know intuitively, that women prefer to seek men of High Status. They know that intuitively. They can’t always SAY that, but they do know it. Which means, if you are criticizing him, and if you are pointing out everything you think is a flaw, and if you CAN’T let him take YOU places and make decisions, he will automatically feel emasculated, and he won’t commit fully to you.

He might be casual with you, but he won’t commit fully to you.

There’s no reason to. He doesn’t get one of the most crucial things he wants from a woman; respect.

If you don’t respect a man – your eyes show it, your body language shows it, the words that come out of your mouth show it. So he feels it. And if he feels that you don’t trust him; that’s a sign to him that you don’t see him as a valuable, respectable man. (read my article on how to find a good man)

Be Honest With Yourself about the Type of Man You REALLY Want

Although I am almost certain that respecting a man mostly isn’t your choice (though I’d like your input on this one), I DO believe that in the beginning stages of a relationship, you are both quite unsure and don’t know each other that well yet; so you need to give him the benefit of the doubt. And when you DO this; many men will step up to the plate and BE that strong, powerful man for you; earning your respect, but in any long term relationship, you can’t just call him weak or emasculate him and EXPECT him to be the man you want him to be.

This is why it’s crucial for you to NOT just go for any man who seems willing and available to HAVE a relationship with you.

Not only are you hurting yourself, you’re hurting him.

If you want an Alpha Male, if you WANT a High Status man, don’t pretend that you don’t. Be honest with yourself; be authentic. Don’t cheap out and go for a man you’re not really attracted to because you feel desperate for a relationship. I have done this before, and I was essentially a complete fraud. I was to scared to go for a Higher Value man; and I guess for good reason: I had not BECOME a High Value woman myself yet. (read my article about alpha male)

Is Respecting a Man Really Your Choice?

I still believe that if you are choosing to date a man; that you need to at least have the courage to respect him first for one month, unconditionally. But don’t expect respect in return unless you are a High Value woman, either. And unless you genuinely choose to be there dating him.

It’s become obvious to me that many people throw the word respect around as if they own it. They say: “oh I don’t respect that person, I have no respect for them; they did this, and they did that; oh what a loser.” – well, nobody respects you either.

Don’t claim you don’t respect people just so you can feel all high and mighty for a minute. People can feel that empty clawing for a moment of significance and self importance because you feel like you are small. Genuine respect is felt. Genuinely give respect where it is due, and if you are unsure whether to to give respect; give them the benefit of the doubt.

I am aware that there are plenty of people out there who prefer to sit on the couch and do nothing their entire life and who have no respect for anyone. Well, they don’t even respect their own existence in this world; they don’t even respect the life they’ve been given.

If you are able to give a man that you’ve chosen to date respect to start with, then, over time, you will see, and learn more about him. And you can make your decision from there. (read my article on the right time to sleep with a man)

Here’s where you can start with men. How to Give a Man Respect:

9 times out of 10, in the relationships I observe today, it’s the woman who wears the pants. And the man remains passive. In reality, he’s scared as hell. His testicles are in her jar, up in her secret little hiding cupboard.

Unless you are a naturally masculine woman, this isn’t your natural place. It’s not your place to emasculate a man and not trust him to do anything, or make any big decisions, or feel the need to point out what the should do and where he went wrong.

So try not wearing the pants for one month with the men you meet.

Don’t be passive either; that doesn’t work. I know that most women who hear this will go and be passive instead; and start operating from another extreme.

But – don’t sit there waiting for a man to do everything; you can give a suggestion, but trust him enough to let him make his own decisions for you both about where to go, and YES – let him make every mistake under the sun in his life without telling him what to do.

The reason you don’t want to do this is the reason you have to do it. Because it scares you.

That’s what it means to be with a man; allowing him the opportunity to be a man for you, and to make his own mistakes. He will want to do better for you when he sees that you will accept him even when he stuffs everything up. That’s the way men test women.

And if you feel you are too scared to do this; try anyway. You can always leave the relationship if you want. You won’t die from it.

So with all this ‘Talk’ about respect, respect, respect, you might wonder; what IS respect, and what it means to respect a man. I’ll give you some suggestions.

How to Respect a Man:

(Choose from these options based on whether you’re just dating a man for 1-5 months, or in a long term relationship. I trust you to choose.)

And if you are more masculine  that’s fine. Ignore these; because you may not want a relationship where the man is masculine and you are feminine. Choose another type of relationship that is true to you.

1)  Respecting a man means to not wear the pants.

2)  To give him the gift of your joy and not withholding your joy out of fear.

3)  To respect the fact that he has an ego, and this ego needs to feel good. You have the choice to laugh at that and say to this: ‘what a joke’ – that’s up to you. But it all depends on how much you genuinely want a relationship and want true love, and not just a significance trip for yourself. People can feel the difference between these two, by the way.

4) When he makes a mistake, don’t say: “I told you so.” or “Remember when I TOLD you NOT to do that?!” Find something more compassionate to say. He’s a human being.

5) Smile and enjoy the fun when he forgets a turn off or goes in the complete wrong direction. Oh. No? Do you prefer to roll your eyes and cross your arms and shake your head and tell him where to go? If you do, them I ask; do you choose a loving and passionate relationship, or do you choose a dictatorship?

6) Want the BEST for him by actually wanting him to trust his OWN word first. NOT yours. He can’t feel safe to trust yours until he is man enough to trust his own and follow his own path.

 

*************

I remember an acquaintance of mine, they are a couple. His wife was extremely controlling and would say condescending things, and it was clear she never wanted the best for him; but just to keep him close. My fiancee and I would talk to her husband about a new business idea of his around our dinner table, and we would give him ideas and suggestions, and he would ponder them; during that time his wife would keep yelling out objections.

Whilst her husband was pondering new ideas with us, we’d discuss them with him and then he might say: “actually, I think I’ll follow David and Renee’s reasoning and listen to you.” and she would blurt out: “What?! NO! Listen to your WIFE!”

Here is my conclusion on How to Give a Man Respect:

When in doubt, and you’re just dating a man and he is not committed; give unconditional respect for one month. Genuine, real respect. Don’t wear the pants. If after a month and you’ve done this genuinely, and you are not more attracted to him, and you’re not ‘feeling’ it, then leave.

And if you’re reading this and you’re in a long term relationship or marriage, you do it for 90 days. Yes, 3 whole months.

Thanks for reading. I’m still wondering; do you agree that to respect a man, you have to FEEL it in your gut?

Do you believe that respecting a man is not your choice?

Renee the feminine woman

61 Comments

  • Will

    Reply Reply December 4, 2013

    You’re gettin’ there. But, your foundation isn’t quite solid. You’re missing the vital stone that must be present. That foundational stone is that all men deserve a woman’s respect. Women must recognize that all men must be honored for a woman’s very existence and everything that she has is from men. Think about it, you owe it to men that you could write your post.

    Women don’t define a man. Your post says as much. Thus, if one has a Y-chromosome, then honor him for you life depends on men. When you, as a woman, think you can judge which men get your respect, then you will purposefully dishonor those men you think are less than worthy in your sight. Dishonor one man and you dishonor all of us men.

    Just this afternoon I watched a tall, well-dressed, but hunched over 50+ year old man following behind 2 much younger career type women. As they approached the corporate front entrance, this man tried to open the door for these women. The obviously senior-ranked woman opened it instead and irritatingly demanded the man walk through. She dishonored this man and all men.

    A huge number of marriages have dissolved simply because the wife refused to honor her husband. A husband in that situation will try for a time to get his wife to recognize this fact, but a man will also instinctively remove himself from that which dishonors him.

    • Jonatan

      Reply Reply January 17, 2014

      man its time we accept that we all grew up in a womans womb and that actually they have xx chromosomes and we men have xy meaning that in essence we have half female essence and actually the y chromosome is a deffect. we as men want to be respected but we need to respect women first.

    • Paul

      Reply Reply January 17, 2014

      TO Will, i think your way of thinking its kinda unnatural and full of resentment towards females. I urge you to look deep into your fears and star realising that woman are far superior that men in so many levels… The world its a mess because of war, rape, murder all things that men have comitted for centuries, fortunately we are entering into a fase where we as men are becoming real men, meaning we are not afraid of women and therefore respect them and feel inspired from them. Femininity its the future if we want this world to be a better place. PEACE

      • Luke

        Reply Reply January 22, 2014

        Ah, but Will is right in some ways.

        Men have created everything in society and most women take it all for granted. They only hear the same crap that you just dished out, that men are responsible for war and misery. BUT, creation is harder to do than destruction. It’s easy to destroy, but to invent the computer and cell phone, making women feel more better about socializing…? That took work. That took a lot of years to get right.

        If there ever was a patriarchy, not only did men pay for it in blood, but also deeds. I’m sure many men, slowly dying of black lung – because they had to go work in a coal mine most of their lives, would’ve preferred to stay home and take care of the kids.

        I mean, I swear women make WAY TOO MUCH out of housework today. I mean, do they love their children? If they do, it shouldn’t be soo hard to make sure that they’re living healthy lives. If kids are out of control, it means that fathers aren’t given enough authority in the house. That’s a mistake for women and their “liberated” ideals. Take the man’s last word in the house away and guess what, you get rampant, wild, disrespectful brats.

        It’s nothing to do with men being mean. It’s about the way males present themselves. It’s about our low voices. We command discipline and authority just by speaking our minds. BUT, as Arthur Schopenhauer once pointed out, women are very much like children. It helps them baby their babies. It helps them with showing their children compassion when they’re hurt. Or, play with them when they don’t have anyone else.

        BUT, a father should always be the most responsible and thereby, the most respected person in the household.

        This constant battle of independent wills has only destroyed the mother / father dynamic in the household. Men don’t care about the kids, respecting mom. Mom doesn’t care about the kids, respecting dad. Because of all this and more, the divorce rates today are insanely high.

        • Will

          Reply Reply January 22, 2014

          Luke: I vaguely remembered something about Arthur Schopenhauer, probably from college nearly 40 years ago. Even though he was into eastern religions, he pretty much explained in his various statements Genesis 3:16 “To the woman God said…’Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.’” Most people don’t know that the Hebrew word for ‘desire’ here is the same found in Genesis 4:7 where God tells Cain, “[Sin] desires to have you, but you must rule over it.” It means “to devour as in one’s prey.”

          Even if you don’t believe in God, still simple observation of history and our own society today, left to themselves, women will turn on men and even murder their own children, each other, and eventually themselves. The only way to bring sanity to all this is for men to resume their role to rule. Only then will women return to sanity.

          For your point about men needing to be honored, Steven Goldberg (retired President of Sociology Dept, City University of New York) wrote in his 1973 book, “The Inevitability of Patriarchy”, in his 1993 book, “Why Men Rule,” and his 1993 article “Can Women Beat Men At Their Own Game?”:

          “The women of every society save our own have understood that the male’s nature is such that he must be given a special position in the family if he is to peacefully take his place in it. These women have understood the male’s greater readiness to choose competition over compromise, his greater resistance to socialization, his inevitably lesser role in his children’s lives, his lower threshold for sexual arousal, and, perhaps most powerfully, the attraction to the new that constantly threatens to overwhelm his mere social and moral agreements. Women have realized that men will not even attempt to suppress these tendencies if they are offered no distinctive and respected position in the family, a position that can act as counterpoise to both the limits marriage sets on male behavior and the centrality that the woman’s unique physiological and psychological bond to the infant automatically gives her. If being ‘the man of the family’ means nothing special, many men will find it not worth the cost.”

          We men are no longer honored and droves of men are abandoning women to their foolishness because men don’t “find it worth the cost.” But regardless of the dishonor we men receive from women, we must rule. Only men have the realistic vision for the future of a society. Women only envision a world where men are castrated & eradicated. Men must rule for our society to have a vision. If we don’t, it will go to hell in a hand-basket. Unfortunately, the basket is filling up quick.

          • Joan

            Reply Reply March 8, 2014

            I certainly don’t believe in a world where men need to be eradicated and castrated. I also think its harsh to say that men aren’t taking there responsible position in the family is because of the women so the men don’t feel its worth it.

            Ok, for sure there are some take over women out there but that I don’t feel is the problem entirely. A lot of women living in masculine energy can be a problem for the men though. There are also a lot of men who shouldn’t be breeding (sorry my opinion)cause the women aren’t being selective enough. They are low value women unable to connect to the alpha male. These men aren’t able to be a family man. The woman has to take the reins so things don’t go smoothly and so he leaves.

            If I had it all my way all the women would be high value. And all the men would have had high value moms.

            Now, that women’s movement which caused a blur in the masculinity and femininity was a movement. A movement which took over society, it was really very brainwashing, so women didn’t really fall for it but was driven into it. I don’t think blaming women for it is the right answer.

            Feminine women are free flowing and go with their hearts. I sense your words are harsh.

            I hope I am not giving you a hard time cause I do respect men. But sorry to say men that say those things might stir the pot and bring back those old ways. I personally can’t stand feminism even when I was a little girl.

          • Henry

            Reply Reply April 19, 2014

            HUMANITY WAS BRON THROUGH A VAGINA EACH OF US HAVE LIVED AND NURTURED IN A WOMAN’S WOMB. BIGOTED MEN ALWAYS FORGET THIS DISHING OUT SOME OLD RELIGION CRAP. RELIGION HAS BEEN ALWAYS THE CAUSE OF DESTRUCTION, SEPARATION, FEAR AND VIOLENCE. WOMENS NATURE IS CREATE, THATS WHY THEY MAKE BABIES IN THEIR BEAUTIFUL BODIES AND PRODUCE MILK THEY ARE THE REAL CREATORS. I FEEL HONOURED BY THE WOMAN WHO GIVES ME HER TIME AND LOVE(MY WIFE) AND ALL MEN SHOULD BE GRATEFUL WHEN THIS HAPPENS TO THEM.

  • Geraldine

    Reply Reply October 22, 2013

    I believe that I should always respect my man and I’ll take your advice on not to wear the pants for 3months. Thank you for this beautiful article on respect

  • Intrigued

    Reply Reply September 26, 2013

    Hmmm. I read your article and I think that the concept of respect is simple. If you respect yourself, then others respect you. I don’t think gender is the issue. I am definitely an alpha female and I find that most people are way too insecure. To be successful in anything, handle your business. When it comes to femininty or masculinity, you can be feminine and be alpha. Some people are just stronger and meant to lead. Most are meant to follow. I have always attracted alpha males who knew not to do some of the dumb stuff in the article. All men are not created equal. Some are better than others. That being said, you can’t give all men the same respect.

  • Holly

    Reply Reply September 11, 2013

    Well firstly I have to start off saying that the man that springs to mind is the man from terninator five that’s the human robot.

    He’s made up of a human but robot underneath and he’s been designed to have killer instincts.

    Their was a part in the film were he’d been set up to kill the humans that were set to destroy the machines and win the battle.

    Because the terminator is such a good person underneath, he doe’s the hero thing and destroys the killing mashincines. He basically risks and puts his own life on the line for the good of humanity.

    I know that it’s only a film but that’s the type of feelings it evoketed watching that.

    In my opinion, if I admire someone then I respect them.

    However, do I feel worthy of such man? No way and I’d probably feel uncomfortable if anything.

    Still I just can’t bring myself to settle since I once fell in love with someone who matches the things said on hear, such as being tall, having a good job and pay, and probably quite a masculine man actually, or at least that’s the impression I have of him when I think of him.

    In fact he was probably the most masculine man I’ve come across as of yet. I remember how he would never collect nector card points on those Sainsburys shopping card as he said he doesn’t do girly stuff.

    I don’t neccecarily need one of the types of men described hear but I can’t force myself to feel love, respect or admiration for someone who hasn’t earned it.

    I’ve had some low value men attracted to me but I just can’t bring myself to it so that leaves me with a problem since I’m so low value that I can’t feel worthy at a core level (it’s ingrained so my psychologist said), but even still I can’t feel past it.

    I do have a friend who is decent as he has a good enough jog that pays well, he has good morals ext, he is a good person but I feel no attraction for that matter.

    I think realistically I would like to find a man with good morals/integrity, that has a life of his own, has a job he enjoys, down to earth and likes interlectual stuff but also I like sporty men/men into sport.

    I’m trying to be realistic as I know that men are visual beings and I question my face.

    The only thing that I can hope to work on myself as much as humanly possible.

    I feel unguided and unsure. The only thing I can say is that I feel like I’m on a one woman mission and I know for sure that I’m trying to earn a career working with children and that’s it.

    Maybe when I’m older I might work abrord helping the poor people in Africa or some place like that as I’m thinking a bit what’s the point of it all.

    Maybe I’m just one of life’s miss fits after all because I’m uncertain what to think of myself it life at the moment.

  • Lone Alpha

    Reply Reply June 12, 2013

    It is about time! The veil of ignorance that feminism has placed over your eyes is beginning to thin. The warmth of the light of truth feels good on your face doesn’t it, ladies? While I am happy to see a trend moving in a positive direction, I have some regretful news to deliver. Many men have given up, as this war of the sexes has claimed many casualties. Even me, a lone alpha(the hallmark of a true leader is a man who leads himself) has decided to bid you farewell for the time being(perhaps not forever as I do not deal in absolutes). I am not afraid to admit that many of you have shredded my emotions & for that I have decided to focus on my life, my ambitions & my goals. I am the handsome, strong gentleman that passes you by with my head held high & will NOT check you out or make eye contact with you. What I have learned is that while I move mountains on my road to success that will begin to help mend that damage I have suffered in the war of the sexes. As a veteran of this futile war, I can tell you that while you have focused your artillery on us, you have caused collateral damage to our CHILDREN. Our kids for Christ’s sake ladies! (Don’t tell me about the lame men you dated, slept with, known, I don’t care b/c they are unlike me & I am not responsible for them). Now I give charge to all you, WOMAN up, drop your pride & make peace with us. The ball is in your court, you all wanted this war & now you must reap the consequences that come with it, good & bad. For example, your willingness to show respect to the man you watched give up his seat, willingly, to the old woman will help bury the hatchet and heal wounds faster than you can imagine. Get to work, ladies, I am watching. Keep moving forward and perhaps I can begin to believe again that I can spend me ENTIRE life with ONE of you. Thank you & God Bless you.

  • myriam

    Reply Reply April 14, 2013

    Renee this is yet another awesome article by you. Iam learning so much from youinto my relationship and I am seeing great results…Thank you so muchfor your work.

  • Andrew

    Reply Reply April 8, 2013

    Most woman don’t know how to respect men these days and the other way around too; it is a vicious circle. I’m a nice guy that is tired of being verbally abused by women thus I have made the personal choice not to share myself in any relationship now. I am happy being single to the day I die. Sorry ladies too late!

  • Certainly The Truth

    Reply Reply April 4, 2013

    most of the women today don’t know how to respect us men, and they are so very nasty to talk too nowadays and do curse at us much of the time. ATTITUDE PROBLEM.

  • Lissah

    Reply Reply March 18, 2013

    I love u n ur work is gud thnx alot am nt in a relationsp bt am learnin so much may God abound ur knwledge

  • Bill

    Reply Reply March 10, 2013

    most women nowadays don’t respect men anymore, i guess they don’t know how.

  • Bambi

    Reply Reply March 8, 2013

    Your thoughts resonate with me. Only wish I had this knowledge earlier in my life. Recently realized my deep attraction to Alphas. I’ve been out of touch with my feminine core, and overly vested in feminism. Your blog is refreshing Thank you!

  • Felix

    Reply Reply February 13, 2013

    Hi All,

    I was recently in a long term relationship that ended with my girlfriend at the time telling me that she does not respect me. It’s been very hard to deal with this, mainly because I can not deny that there were some behaviors and traits I displayed that were indeed not very respectable. I ended up loathing myself for a few months.

    Im relatively young. It was my first real love and relationship, and I made mistakes. Also, I was (and still am) trying to figure out who I am. I know I was not always the most confident guy, I’ve always had a problem with self esteem. I have my shortcomings, no doubt. All that being said, I still feel very slighted and hurt that she would say this to me.. I guess I have two questions:

    1. Do you think it’s ok for a woman who claims to love a man to tell him this? Must I accept that I deserved to hear this from her?

    2. When I finally figure my shit out and become the man I want to be, should I seek her out again? Should I welcome her if she recognizes my progress and comes back? My instinct and admittedly my pride tell me no, but after reading this post I’m starting to think that I shouldn’t hold it against her for not being able to respect me.

    • Star42

      Reply Reply February 21, 2013

      Hi Felix. I’m sorry for your pain but applaud your honesty. Something that might help clarify your understanding is this: women often see love and respect as two different things, while men often see them as either the same or inseparable. If you and your ex-girlfriend agree that some of your behavior was not respectable, then if that behavior changes for the better (permanently) you can repair your love relationship by rebuilding that lost respect.

      To answer your questions:
      1) Yes, though painful you need to hear her out. You can express your hurt but also admit that you have made mistakes that you recognize and want to change. Sometimes when people are hurt they say things out of pain.
      2) While you are working on you, take time to evaluate the relationship. If you shared love and are compatible (can meet each others needs) and you can forgive her frustration with your behaviors, and have stopped those behaviors because you also agree they were not appropriate, then yes, forgive and take steps to get to know each other again and see what develops (she too will need to forgive).. You both deserve love, respect and friendship in your relationship. Wishing you the best on your journey of self.

    • Joseph

      Reply Reply August 11, 2013

      These articles- and blogs, are some of the best insight I’ve come across.!.. I wanted to share a definition for “respect” that came to my attention not long ago. “Respect, is not- fear; I’ts- acceptance”. Please keep up the great work, Rene and David ! It’s strong with reality, truth. Joseph

  • Heestarr

    Reply Reply January 23, 2013

    This is awesome,,,wish every woman could get her way here to learn!! Thanks Renee GOD BLESS!

  • Sarah Blanchard

    Reply Reply December 12, 2012

    I agree with your comments. Men need respect in a relationship and women need to be cherished. Women can be respected at the office.

  • Beans

    Reply Reply November 7, 2012

    I have been with my man for 5 years. We have a slow relationship, on some levels – We don’t live together. I am a single mom of two and have my own business, and am “in charge” all the time. I automatically take over and don’t let my man be THE MAN. He directed me to this post and I am starting my 90days tomorrow. I will let you know how it goes…..
    (thank you for such a straight forward and common sense post! Sometimes we need it laid out in “plain English” to realize what we are doing & the effects it has! Thank you!!)

  • Chanel

    Reply Reply October 21, 2012

    I just wanted to add to this article…back in July I commented here on how I can only respect alpha males, after being married to a beta male who was content being beta…and I must add, that it is now October, and after many, many dates with men of varying caliber, I think I finally found the right guy for me. He respects me as a woman and I easily respect him as a man, because he is very masculine, smart, in control of himself, has goals, is a leader, and treats me like a lady. And he’s hot!

    I am remembering Renee’s main message of ATTRACTION & CONNECTION and it is definitely 100% true. It’s all you need.

    Not all alpha men are players…and there are good guys left, who are looking for that one special, sweet, feminine lady to steal their heart.

  • Peter-Andrew: Nolan(c)

    Reply Reply October 18, 2012

    Lyssah,
    it seems my comments are not coming through so I answered you at the top in the facebook plug in.

  • Peter-Andrew: Nolan(c)

    Reply Reply September 8, 2012

    Renee,
    “But don’t expect respect in return unless you are a High Value woman,”

    Ok. I will bite. What value does a woman bring to a relationship with a man like me?

    I have asked THOUSANDS of women that question? So far only my fav#3 gave a sensible answer.

    You women talk a LOT about your “value”. But when you are pressed you never have an answer.

    • Lyssah

      Reply Reply October 17, 2012

      Hi Peter-Andrew:Nolan(c),

      I’m not Renee, but I’ll attempt a response to your question.

      To me, a “High-Value” woman is one who is emotionally healthy first of all. She has addressed her childhood issues (if any), she has addressed her past emotional hurts and has done work to resolve the issues resulting from them, either through therapy or some other effective means. She has taken a close look at herself and identified her short comings. She has accepted those short comings and accepts herself for the radiant unique creature she is. She loves herself unconditionally (without arrogancy or the need to assert that fact). Where her shortcomings may influence her ability to have a loving, passionate, committed relationship, she makes a committment to herself to work on those shortcomings.

      After this framework is in place, a woman needs to know herself. She needs to know who she is and what she wants so she doesn’t unconsciously pick a mate that cannot fulfill her needs and there are no unfulffilled expectations or pressure on her man. She can then select a mate who can meet her relational needs without having to change himself.

      Here is where the value comes in, in my opinion. A man that enters into a relationship with such a woman will not need to change himself fundamentally at all to flourish in the relationship. He naturally meets her needs so she is naturally happy and thrilled with him. Since she is emotionally healthy, there will be no unnecessary drama or defensiveness. That is high value in itself to me.

      A high value woman is also one that is not afraid to be authentic and honest with her emotions. She will tell you in the moment with tact and love what is upsetting her. She will notify you in the beginning of any issues that may upset you later in the relationship so you are aware.

      A high value woman honors integrity, harmony, and her committments to her friends, family, and lover. She respects her body and attends to her heath and beauty. She is also a sexual creature and wants more than anything to explore and share that intimacy with the man she loves. She is eternally optimistic and adaptable.

      Hope this helps.

      ~Lyssah

  • maria

    Reply Reply August 21, 2012

    What an excellent post! I often hear “players” complain about not getting respect from women. I think you hit it on the head when you said “some men don’t deserve your respect. They talk more and do little.” I ABSOLUTELY love that and believe that.
    Truly masculine men who are taking care of business and I mean, with their lady, do not sit around and complain about respect. They are EARNING it all the way.
    I know women who completely emasculate men but with her “SUGARDADDY” , (and i dont know if this is a good example or not) but she completely respects him. She does NOT cuss him out, talk bad about him, jumps when he calls, I mean it is a complete 360.
    EVERYONE earns respect. I do believe that some people are just disrespectful because they do not even respect themselves and/or they think they are better than everyone.
    But this article hit it on the nose. I do not think I have read one relationship post about how to respect a man which is CRUCIAL in a relationship. And I follow about 6 relationship coaches.

    Thank You VERY MUCH for the post! Much Love!

  • Kira

    Reply Reply August 12, 2012

    So I was with my family the other day and I noticed that my grandpa told his fiancee (My grandma died a while ago) to sit. She actually listened to him. I don’t know what to make of this. Now that I think about it, he’s also the one who says when it’s time to leave and generally the one who makes the decisions. At least, that’s the way it appears.

  • Zandra

    Reply Reply August 4, 2012

    Rene, do you believe that femininity and submissiveness in a relationship are one and the same? Can you comment on the idea of man-woman couples where the woman is the more dominant partner, yet is feminine, and her partner is masculine? Are those relationships doomed? Misguided?

    • Peter-Andrew: Nolan(c)

      Reply Reply September 8, 2012

      Zandra,
      “Rene, do you believe that femininity and submissiveness in a relationship are one and the same?”

      May I ask how can you even ask this question? Femininity and submissiveness are so far apart it would be like asking are watermelons and tomatoes one and the same thing just because you can eat them both.

      Where are you young women getting your social queues from? I can not believe the questions I see here. At first I thought you girls were kidding…..but for the life of me you look like you are serious. I am very, very shocked at what I am reading.

  • Chanel

    Reply Reply July 31, 2012

    Oh – and I was married to a beta male once…as hard as a I tried, I just could not respect him. Everything about him was great, on paper. He was a good guy, with a good job, nice personality, and and we lived in a beautiful house…but at the end of the day, I just could not respect him because he was very beta…it was a turnoff 7 days of the week…. Respect is not a choice at all to me.

    I do like the idea of giving men a little time to get it together in the beginning of a relationship. There are some men out there who are superficially beta, and all they need is the right sweet woman to come along so that he can be himself. No harm, no foul if after a month you have to leave…

    I consider myself high value, so I can only respect the alphas out there…

    • Bianca

      Reply Reply August 1, 2012

      I can see that kind of great man, good job, lovely house and car thing but too passive in my current relationship.worst is I’ve resorted to pointing out where he has failed. I’ve told him he is childish, sigh. Respect is really not a conscious choice. I find it difficult to respect him cause I’ve lost confidence in his ability to create a relationship. Any conscious effort to respect someone I think is fake though I’ve heard practice makes habit. I will respect him unconditionally for a month. He’s the kind of man many would die for. Lol. I just feel like I have to wear the pants in the relationship. So I’m gonna put on the skirt and dress and surrender my withheld respect. From a conscious level thhough it will be forged and may seem illigit and he may not believe he deserves it. He’s actually asked me what has he done to deserve my love and why do I love him. He believes I deserve better…

      • Chanel

        Reply Reply August 1, 2012

        Oh Bianca, I hope it works out for you and your man. Please come back to update us a month from now. :)

        He needs to be careful – one day you might wake up and believe him when he says you deserve better…

        With my ex I surrendered for almost 6 months, hoping he would get it together…I even had a mutual friend of ours recommend some alpha male books and websites to get him on the right path. I gave it 100% because we have a child and it not working out meant I would be a single mom. Unfortunately, it was just not in his DNA to be alpha, he is the kind of guy who wants a bossy, masculine woman to tell him what to do next. He was also emotionally very unsupportive when I needed it but I had to be his rock when his emotions got out of control….which was all the time.

        The final straw was – Once there was a tornado warning for our neighborhood…the tornado was 2 miles away or something…most the other husbands on our street were outside looking at the sky and securing things in their yard and bringing pets indoors – my husband was in the house looking at me and our daughter, scared out his wits! He actually asked me what I think should we do if the tornado comes!

        That was two years ago and I am so much happier these days…

    • Peter-Andrew: Nolan(c)

      Reply Reply September 8, 2012

      “Oh – and I was married to a beta male once…as hard as a I tried, I just could not respect him.”

      yep…women HATE betas with a passion. Only problem is 90% of men are betas or lower. Only 10% of men are alphas. At the end of my 23 years with my wife she claimed she had no respect for me. This was DESPITE me being the sole income earner for 16 years of an 18 year marriage with FOUR children.
      DESPITE rising to being top 20 in the world in my profession.
      DESPITE helping save the life of her son from cancer.
      DESPITE earning more than EUR150K and generally working very long hours for 20 years to provide for the family.
      DESPITE being a great father and husband.

      You women will not show respect to betas no matter HOW good they are as you are brainwashed into thinking you deserve an alpha. But only 10% are alphas and 80% of women are chasing those 10%. So after marriage I graduated to alpha slowly but surely. I would now be called something of a “cad” to women. I alpha them and make sure they know I am alpha…they drool all over me.

      One of my women friends even asked me…..”All my girlfriends have something wrong with them. They all want to find a husband and have babies….but they mostly date the most horrible of men…and to these men they are like little puppies or kittens…the man dominates them and controls them terribly and the LOVE it. But these men are not husband material. Then, every time one of them gets a really nice man who really wants children she abuses him terribly. She turns into a monster. I have seen this time and time again. What could be wrong with my friends? Surely this is not normal, is it?”

      And I explained to her that it is completely normal. When a woman senses a man is beta she will dominate and control him and try and make him into her own private manslave.

      My fav#1 asked me “why do you think I have such bad luck with men?” By this she meant she always ended up with beta or zeta males who would not do anything for themselves and had to be told what to do and had to be pushed and nagged every inch of the way.

      I laughed at her and asked her if she seriously did not know what she was doing. Apparently she did not. So I told her “when we met I was a beta, and what you did was to try and dominate and control me….you tried every trick in the book. When I graduated to alpha and started dating another woman at the same time and told you about her you dropped your whole domination and control routine and competed for me instead….but after a while you quit and you are out looking for betas that you can dominate and control again.

      When you pick a man who will tolerate you dominating and controlling him? Then what you get is a man who HAS to be dominated and controlled….exactly what you tell me happens. You are getting the men you are getting because THAT is who you are choosing. You will not choose an alpha like me now because you know you can not dominate and control me.”

      I am amazed how little women know about men really…..you never bother to ask US anything. As Dick Masterson said…the most ridiculous thing of all is women asking other women about advice on men like women know anything about men at all.

      • Lyssah

        Reply Reply October 17, 2012

        Peter-Andrew: Nolan(c),

        It is not fair to put all women in a box. Many women have had experiences that have shaped them into who they are and are not self-aware enough to know how to correct these things. Both men and women have shortcomings. What it is important is that they recognize these things, put their egos aside, and attempt to correct them so their future relationships don’t suffer.
        You sounds like an amazing man for everything you did for your ex-wife. You should be praised and commended for it. Don’t give those wonderful qualities up just because one woman or even 100 women couldn’t recognize it. You see your own value and though the percentage may be small, other women see it too and will appreciate you for it.

        ~Lyssah

    • Anna C

      Reply Reply December 13, 2012

      What’s it like to be with a beta male? I’m just curious.

      • Chanel

        Reply Reply December 15, 2012

        It’s just not enjoyable, Anna. You can’t have two criers in a relationship. I couldn’t be my happy feminine self because I was constantly put in a position where I had to protect HIM, instead of the other way around. I got tired of having to be strong all the time, it wears on your soul.

        The constant need for reassurance, the approval seeking, the “I’m a victim, feel sorry for me” mentality is just not what I need in a man. My ex also always asked me to direct him on the freeway (What if I was passed out unconscious, how would he ever find the hospital?), had absolutely no respect for himself, was too timid to voice his needs and was a people pleaser. He kissed butt constantly but had a terrible passive aggressive streak. He would always assume the position of kiss-ass when in a group of other men. It’s enough to make you want to throw up.

        Just the other day, we had to modify orders for our divorce…there was one little issue that I had a question about. I asked him to please explain it to me, and he broke down crying. So pathetic. He is extremely beta.

  • Chanel

    Reply Reply July 31, 2012

    This is one of your top 10 articles, Renee!

    One thing I have noticed since stumbling on your website is that I attract more alpha-males now. They pick up on the feminine/submissive cues. The beta males tend to just want to wait on me hand and foot but never actually ask for a date. This is usually how I can tell them apart immediately. lol

    • Renee Wade

      Reply Reply August 11, 2012

      Hi Chanel, great news for you about the Alpha Males. :)

      • Peter-Andrew: Nolan(c)

        Reply Reply September 8, 2012

        What us men are observing is that you women are chasing alphas in your 20s..then you seem surprised that they will not marry you and have children…by your mid 30s you are desperate for children so you settle for a beta and then despise him for not being alpha. You steal his kids and destroy his family and take the welfare checks and shack up with some alpha again.

        We are seeing this over and over again. Guys like Roissy and Tom Lykis and I are pointing all this out to the lads and telling them that they are best advised to treat woman as you are now…dangerous adversaries that will destroy you as soon as look at you. This is how you want to be treated by your actions.

        It seems that women have lost all sense of reason when it comes to selecting husbands and understanding the whole purpose of marriage and commitment. Women cause 90%+ of divorces and that number was found by two women so don’t be blaming us men for it.

        Because of the actions of women these last 30 years what you are seeing is the rise of “game” and “players”.

        I was telling my fav#3 one time….. “If men EVER decide that it is ok for other men to lie to women the game is over for you women. You have only 10 years maximum to find a man to marry. If you are lied to just 2 or 3 times by a man telling you that he wants children but he does not? Then you miss your chance. Us men know this and so we protect you by telling you who the liars are.

        But if we EVER decide to stop telling you that? All is lost for you. And given how much women have lied to me? I, for one, would not tell a woman if a friend of mine was playing her. You women are running out of time to decide you are going to be honest and to decide you will protect men from bad women.”

        She got it right away…I fail to see how women do not understand that betas, though they might not be the most exciting guys and might not provide you with all the drama you want, they are FAR better for you than alphas and players.

        But since you do not know that? I will remain alpha and enjoy dating nice women until I shuffle off this mortal coil. After all…having been faithful for 23 years and there being no reward for such? I shall not be faithful again and I recommend to all the lads not to be faithful either. I tell them if women wanted faithful men then they would protect them and reward them from women.

        Do any of you women read the spearhead? You can find out how women have poisoned the well for everyone from over there.

        • Chanel

          Reply Reply December 15, 2012

          Sorry Peter, I don’t fit your mold…I married my beta in my 20′s, had a child in my 20′s, and I am nearly 35 now. I have complete faith that as a gorgeous, smart, and funny high-value type of gal I am now, there is an alpha man out there looking for me. :) We just haven’t met yet. I am having a ball dating in the meanwhile!

    • Ali

      Reply Reply March 22, 2013

      So you attract more alphas because they are picking up on your “feminine/SUBMISSIVE” cues? I’ve always been attracted to and equally attracted alpha types. I am married to a fantabulous alpha male. I didn’t see where submissiveness was part of her suggestions. I am not submissive. Times I tried to play that part, it backfired. It’s not in my nature to be submissive or be seen as such. A man who needs a submissive woman is damaged goods in my opinion. A man you can respect (and be attracted to) respects you and doesn’t need you to be submissive.
      If I were to act submissively, my husband would know I was faking. I show him respect by being his biggest cheerleader, trusting his abilities and most importantly appreciating his sacrifices, capabilities and efforts. As a feminine woman I do the things that come naturally for me, to compliment all of the things he does. In areas where he is not strong (not many), that is where I focus energy to improve myself to take it on as one of my roles.
      All that said, I appreciate this article. Relationships require effort. I need to be reminded to keep working on respect for him because it makes us BOTH feel good. I myself make the mistake of mothering him sometimes and that is a big no-no. My guy does not enjoy that. I make my mistakes, I can always improve. Thanks for the refresher!

  • ABIGAIL

    Reply Reply July 31, 2012

    yes i agree

  • Natalie

    Reply Reply July 31, 2012

    This article actually reminded me of a time when I was misbehaving – just like that aquaintance of yours – and was doing it because of my own ego. But when I saw my Man actually withdraw, I thought to myself “Oh dawg, see how horrible He must feel because of my behavior”, and became more supportive, patient, helpful, but not overwhelming. We, women, are pillars for our men. And when you feel the love for him, see how hard he works on whatever is important to him, and decide to be his best support, respect comes intuitvely.
    Brilliant thoughts for food, Renee. You always give me something to think about.

  • mary

    Reply Reply July 30, 2012

    I think that there are very few men left these days that have an energy about them that commands respect.
    Most are self-centered irresponsible little boys and it is difficult to not let your masculine energy overrule you in order to plow a weak man into the ground. We are all in a primal sense looking for a real alpha-male to guide our relationship/village/family and it is in us to run off the weak ones from the tribe.

    I think respect is something that is earned from being a high-value male and not something that is owed of us to just any male in the vicinity.

    • Renee Wade

      Reply Reply July 30, 2012

      Hi Mary….I’m wondering…if we run off the weak ones, the what is the worth of the alpha male? How could we see the worth of an alpha male?

      Beta males have their value, I think.

      I don’t think ‘weak’ males are weak necessarily – although I do admit that when I see passive men, and experience, for eg, losing a male friend to a controlling wife who can’t stand him being friends with other females – I feel angry that these types of men don’t own themselves more.

      I guess when a man is very passive – it does encourage our own masculine energy. Especially in an intimate relationship.

      xoxox

      • Inna

        Reply Reply July 30, 2012

        Renee,

        If a woman develops her femininity and becomes more feminine, does the man she is with automatically become more masculine? Is it true? With your expertise, what are your observations?

        • Renee Wade

          Reply Reply July 31, 2012

          Yes this is natural. It doesn’t even have to be with a man – it could be with two females in a relationship together or two males. Often, the more feminine one is – the more the other becomes masculine.

      • Lone Alpha

        Reply Reply June 12, 2013

        No matter how much masculine energy you have Renee, it cannot stand up to the force of my masculinity & it is indeed a force to be reckoned with. I never realized how aggressive I was until women began to tell me that & that my voice was so powerful. Sometimes, I even try to tone it down because I do not wish to scare people. Now that IS power.

  • Sara

    Reply Reply July 30, 2012

    True masculine men are the only ones that receive respect, not leeches that just want the benefits of a relationship without the responsibilities. Parasites do not receive or deserve respect, and I think that is the majority of men and women until their late 20′s or early 30′s, when the mom and dad bank shuts down and they’re on their own. When I encounter a leech, I respectively leave.

    • Renee Wade

      Reply Reply July 31, 2012

      I guess you’re speaking from experience Sara? :) thanks for your comment. I guess sometimes the people we come across and the things they do, can make life and relationships seem so disappointing.

  • Inna

    Reply Reply July 30, 2012

    Hi Renee,

    Thank you for another brilliant article. I believe respect is a feeling from your heart, not something you choose with your mind. Although you can treat someone with respect, an outer respect I would call it. As for not respecting the man you are dating with or married to – it’s the case of not respecting yourself. I truly cannot understand how a woman can live with a man she does not respect. If this is the case then she doesn’t respect herself and needs to solve her inner problems first. Maybe we need another article about self-respect?… Like what it means to respect yourself?…

    • Renee Wade

      Reply Reply July 30, 2012

      Hi Inna, thanks for being here.

      “I truly cannot understand how a woman can live with a man she does not respect. If this is the case then she doesn’t respect herself and needs to solve her inner problems first.”

      - in response to that, I say it’s comfort. Often, for many of us, comfort outrules the need for something more, something better and comfort provides content. That is one reason why.

      Although, to me, personally, comfort often feels dangerously close to suffering, because it’s that middle ground where you’re alive, but it feels like you can’t really breathe fully and live your life fully.

      Thanks for the comment!

  • Just Someone

    Reply Reply July 29, 2012

    I don’t need to feel respect. It is an intrinsic value I have internalised to apply to everyone worthy of respect.

  • Mara Grace Ford

    Reply Reply July 29, 2012

    Hi Renee,

    I can’t believe no one else has responded.
    I heartily agree with your observation.

    Respect appears to be two-sided,
    (1) the feeling, the confidence, that one generates by being authentic and knowing what (s)he wants and where they’re going, and the feeling and trust that we experience when we encounter such a person, and
    (2) the allowance that we should give to all persons, as in respecting their rights, and treating them with respect, even though we have no relationship with them at all.

    Apparently, if we lack the former type of respect and trust and confidence in a man, it can spill over to a lack of the latter form of respect, even becoming disrespectful of their person and their dignity.

    Here’s hoping all your readers get to experience full respect for a man that loves them dearly.

    Cheers,
    Mara

    • Renee Wade

      Reply Reply July 30, 2012

      Thanks for your comment Mara, that’s a smart observation about respect, thank you for sharing it.

  • Mona

    Reply Reply July 29, 2012

    I’m sorry, I should have explained that by the end of my statement I thought about what I had written and changed my mind, that “NO” it’s not always a gut reaction to respect him, but it should be the choice we make as Women.

  • Jasmine

    Reply Reply July 29, 2012

    yes, I think respect is something you feel for a man that has value. Though I’m learning that what I respect a man for has changed over the years. I respect more his values, his heart, his integrity. I notice that I am learning to be quiet, to not “wear the pants” to “not be the expert”‘ but to let him, be the lead.

    • Renee Wade

      Reply Reply July 29, 2012

      Hey Jasmine, thanks for leaving your mark here. I just want to let you know that you don’t have to be quiet. In the article I mentioned that you don’t want to be passive. Maybe that’s not what you mean by being ‘quiet’, but just in case, I wanted to remind you that quietness is not the answer. It’s allowing him the freedom to be the man and feel good.

  • Mona

    Reply Reply July 29, 2012

    I believe that yes, you should start out respecting any man in a relationship. I don’t understand why would you want a man that you can’t respect…
    It is a gut feeling right away to respect him, and it’s imperative to do so if you want that relationship to go further and succeed. There have been times that I had to make myself respect someone because I felt that they weren’t demanding it. However, that relationship didn’t last because I’m not sure he was worth the respect. No, you don’t have to feel it in your gut to respect him, however if you respect yourself, than it should come natural to do the same for him. Just my thoughts…

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