What does Respect Look like to a Man?
Everybody knows men crave respect in an intimate relationship with a woman.
But it’s not always automatic to give it. Lately I’ve been toying with the idea that respecting a man is not 100% always a woman’s conscious choice, specifically in an intimate relationship situation. (Click here to complete the quiz on “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?”)
Here’s why: I feel deep respect for my fiancee, and it’s not logical. I don’t TELL myself to respect him. He earned it by not being willing to be a passive man. I FEEL respect. It’s in my gut, it’s in my heart, and it exists as a part of my body. It is a part of me, almost like the lifeblood that runs through my body.
However, I have also chosen to GIVE respect to him even when I was scared.
Do you feel the same? Do you think that respecting a man is not your choice? Perhaps it is something you have to FEEL for a man?
Men who Command a woman’s Respect Automatically
I believe there are some men in the world, a smaller population of men, who command respect from a High Value woman automatically. (Click here to take the quiz on “How High Value High Status Am I on Facebook?”)
For example: we walk past them in the street and it’s just the way he carries himself, the way he walks past you without checking you out and instead is fully focused on his mission in life; and he is true to that mission 100% and know his place in the world – you can’t help but respect him.
A woman who holds herself as Low Value might just chase after him and try to sleep with him and hope he will marry her, but a High Value woman will silently acknowledge him under her breath and give him respect instinctively.
A lot of men don’t deserve your respect; they talk a lot and do little, like many women do anyway. (read my article on the ideal man)
Respect in a Relationship with a Man
But when it comes to a relationship with a man, here’s what I suggest. You may not respect him fully YET. But give him the benefit of the doubt for one month.
You have to give yourself the chance to FEEL respect for him and give him a chance to be the Man.
Unless of course, he is completely useless as a man in a relationship. Some men just like to walk through life getting easy sex and not caring about anyone but their Mom. IF they even care about their Mom. And they like to just check you out and they have no idea that human beings have feelings; and that we have a soul, deeper than just being a piece of meat.
These men are probably not worth your time.
And – you don’t have to respect any man who is not worthy of your respect OUTSIDE of dating or a relationship. But when it comes to dating and having a relationship with a man, respecting a man matters, for the health of the relationship between you both.
BUT – here’s why suggest giving the man you’ve chosen to date, the benefit of the doubt and respect him:
If you don’t start off respecting a man in any way at all, he can’t trust you, and the foundation of your connection falls to pieces. He can’t be the man you want him to be in the relationship, because you don’t even believe in him. You’re not giving him that gift. And if you don’t believe in him, he won’t trust you, or commit to you fully. He’s going to doubt you and feel afraid.
If instead, you start off dating a man coming primarily from FEAR – you can’t show respect or feel respect anyway. You’re not even there yet, because you are too fearful, and too much in survival mode.
The majority of women in this world prefer to marry UP. To heighten their social status, to be more financially stable…to be with a man who is more intelligent than her and makes more money than her. It’s instinctive. It doesn’t mean you can’t marry a man who makes less money than you do – provided you respect him and are really attracted to him, it doesn’t matter.
But biologically, women are driven to seek men of status; and to seek men of higher status than we are.
Men know women seek High Status Men
And here’s why that matters in relation to respect: men know intuitively, that women prefer to seek men of High Status. They know that intuitively. They can’t always SAY that, but they do know it. Which means, if you are criticizing him, and if you are pointing out everything you think is a flaw, and if you CAN’T let him take YOU places and make decisions, he will automatically feel emasculated, and he won’t commit fully to you.
He might be casual with you, but he won’t commit fully to you.
There’s no reason to. He doesn’t get one of the most crucial things he wants from a woman; respect.
If you don’t respect a man – your eyes show it, your body language shows it, the words that come out of your mouth show it. So he feels it. And if he feels that you don’t trust him; that’s a sign to him that you don’t see him as a valuable, respectable man. (read my article on how to find a good man)
Be Honest With Yourself about the Type of Man You REALLY Want
Although I am almost certain that respecting a man mostly isn’t your choice (though I’d like your input on this one), I DO believe that in the beginning stages of a relationship, you are both quite unsure and don’t know each other that well yet; so you need to give him the benefit of the doubt. And when you DO this; many men will step up to the plate and BE that strong, powerful man for you; earning your respect, but in any long term relationship, you can’t just call him weak or emasculate him and EXPECT him to be the man you want him to be.
This is why it’s crucial for you to NOT just go for any man who seems willing and available to HAVE a relationship with you.
Not only are you hurting yourself, you’re hurting him.
If you want an Alpha Male, if you WANT a High Status man, don’t pretend that you don’t. Be honest with yourself; be authentic. Don’t cheap out and go for a man you’re not really attracted to because you feel desperate for a relationship. I have done this before, and I was essentially a complete fraud. I was to scared to go for a Higher Value man; and I guess for good reason: I had not BECOME a High Value woman myself yet. (read my article about alpha male)
Is Respecting a Man Really Your Choice?
I still believe that if you are choosing to date a man; that you need to at least have the courage to respect him first for one month, unconditionally. But don’t expect respect in return unless you are a High Value woman, either. And unless you genuinely choose to be there dating him.
It’s become obvious to me that many people throw the word respect around as if they own it. They say: “oh I don’t respect that person, I have no respect for them; they did this, and they did that; oh what a loser.” – well, nobody respects you either.
Don’t claim you don’t respect people just so you can feel all high and mighty for a minute. People can feel that empty clawing for a moment of significance and self importance because you feel like you are small. Genuine respect is felt. Genuinely give respect where it is due, and if you are unsure whether to to give respect; give them the benefit of the doubt.
I am aware that there are plenty of people out there who prefer to sit on the couch and do nothing their entire life and who have no respect for anyone. Well, they don’t even respect their own existence in this world; they don’t even respect the life they’ve been given.
If you are able to give a man that you’ve chosen to date respect to start with, then, over time, you will see, and learn more about him. And you can make your decision from there. (read my article on the right time to sleep with a man)
Here’s where you can start with men. How to Give a Man Respect:
9 times out of 10, in the relationships I observe today, it’s the woman who wears the pants. And the man remains passive. In reality, he’s scared as hell. His testicles are in her jar, up in her secret little hiding cupboard.
Unless you are a naturally masculine woman, this isn’t your natural place. It’s not your place to emasculate a man and not trust him to do anything, or make any big decisions, or feel the need to point out what the should do and where he went wrong.
So try not wearing the pants for one month with the men you meet.
Don’t be passive either; that doesn’t work. I know that most women who hear this will go and be passive instead; and start operating from another extreme.
But – don’t sit there waiting for a man to do everything; you can give a suggestion, but trust him enough to let him make his own decisions for you both about where to go, and YES – let him make every mistake under the sun in his life without telling him what to do.
The reason you don’t want to do this is the reason you have to do it. Because it scares you.
That’s what it means to be with a man; allowing him the opportunity to be a man for you, and to make his own mistakes. He will want to do better for you when he sees that you will accept him even when he stuffs everything up. That’s the way men test women.
And if you feel you are too scared to do this; try anyway. You can always leave the relationship if you want. You won’t die from it.
So with all this ‘Talk’ about respect, respect, respect, you might wonder; what IS respect, and what it means to respect a man. I’ll give you some suggestions.
How to Respect a Man:
(Choose from these options based on whether you’re just dating a man for 1-5 months, or in a long term relationship. I trust you to choose.)
And if you are more masculine that’s fine. Ignore these; because you may not want a relationship where the man is masculine and you are feminine. Choose another type of relationship that is true to you.
1) Respecting a man means to not wear the pants.
2) To give him the gift of your joy and not withholding your joy out of fear.
3) To respect the fact that he has an ego, and this ego needs to feel good. You have the choice to laugh at that and say to this: ‘what a joke’ – that’s up to you. But it all depends on how much you genuinely want a relationship and want true love, and not just a significance trip for yourself. People can feel the difference between these two, by the way.
4) When he makes a mistake, don’t say: “I told you so.” or “Remember when I TOLD you NOT to do that?!” Find something more compassionate to say. He’s a human being.
5) Smile and enjoy the fun when he forgets a turn off or goes in the complete wrong direction. Oh. No? Do you prefer to roll your eyes and cross your arms and shake your head and tell him where to go? If you do, them I ask; do you choose a loving and passionate relationship, or do you choose a dictatorship?
6) Want the BEST for him by actually wanting him to trust his OWN word first. NOT yours. He can’t feel safe to trust yours until he is man enough to trust his own and follow his own path.
I remember an acquaintance of mine, they are a couple. His wife was extremely controlling and would say condescending things, and it was clear she never wanted the best for him; but just to keep him close. My fiancee and I would talk to her husband about a new business idea of his around our dinner table, and we would give him ideas and suggestions, and he would ponder them; during that time his wife would keep yelling out objections.
Whilst her husband was pondering new ideas with us, we’d discuss them with him and then he might say: “actually, I think I’ll follow David and Renee’s reasoning and listen to you.” and she would blurt out: “What?! NO! Listen to your WIFE!”
Here is my conclusion on How to Give a Man Respect:
When in doubt, and you’re just dating a man and he is not committed; give unconditional respect for one month. Genuine, real respect. Don’t wear the pants. If after a month and you’ve done this genuinely, and you are not more attracted to him, and you’re not ‘feeling’ it, then leave.
And if you’re reading this and you’re in a long term relationship or marriage, you do it for 90 days. Yes, 3 whole months.
Thanks for reading. I’m still wondering; do you agree that to respect a man, you have to FEEL it in your gut?
Do you believe that respecting a man is not your choice?