Imagine a long-lost friend you really liked but haven’t seen in years. Imagine you bump in to them on the street while you’re shopping on a Sunday afternoon.
You stop in your tracks. “Heyyyy! Oh my goodness!! It’s been YEARS! What have you been up to? What are you doing here??”
You guys talk and talk continuously for almost 10 minutes, and at the end, you are so happy to have bumped in to this friend and you say: “hey, let’s exchange numbers so we can catch up”.
Your long lost friend says “sure!” And she pulls out her cell phone, takes your number down, and then you do the same – you type in her cell phone number in yours.
You guys part ways with a warm, friendly smile and a promise to catch up for “coffee” soon.
Does it happen? In real life? Does it actually HAPPEN?
Does the long lost friend call you?
Do you call him? or her?
But mostly, no.
My guess is that the breakdown of times when it DOES happen is about 20%. And 80% of the time “stuff comes up”, and you guys don’t catch up again.
Do you get home and plan “I’ll call her in a week or so for a catch up”….and a week later, you remember to do it….but…you don’t know…you just didn’t feel that motivated to contact her. Or him.
And now it’s been 3 years and you guys still haven’t done that “catch up”.
Have you had an experience like this?
Well, you just got the answer to your question: why do men TALK about marriage and babies with you and then disappear.
Yes, what happens with a friend IS different to what happens with men, but principal is still the same:
People make PROMISES when it suits them at the time, and then they do not deliver on them.
It happens a lot. “I’ll call you”. And nothing. Not a sound.
“We’ll catch up next week”. And you don’t.
It’s because we would LIKE to me Mr or Miss ‘Promises and Performs”, but, as it turns out – doing what you SAY is much harder than saying what you might DO.
NOW here’s the real, key question:
Why did HE do that? Why do MEN do that?
I mean, why SAY they want marriage and something long-term and then disappear off the face of the planet?
There are only TWO possible core reasons.
1) Because he wanted to feel more passion, and attraction in his life, and he really DID want to provide that to you, (he DID have good intentions) but in the end, he just felt too incapable.
He might have SAID something like:
“I can’t do this anymore” or
“I’m so busy” or
“You need someone better”
BUT – what he really MEANS and what won’t TELL you is this:
He’s scared. He doesn’t want to not be able to make you happy as a woman, because as a man, he’d rather DIE, or lose two legs, than feel like a failure in front of you. Or feel like another man could provide so much MORE.
See, what I’ve learned through counselling hundreds of women from all over the world – and learning and observing men, is that MEN intuitively SENSE that they need to be able to PROVIDE.
If they can’t provide, they have to live with the feeling that they have failed.
Question: if you were a man (and I mean a man, not a woman – so really see it from a man’s perspective right now, not just your own, feminine thinking)…
Would you feel just LITTLE BIT like death inside if you had to face the reality that you couldn’t provide for a woman?
Whether emotionally, spiritually, emotionally, physically?
If you answered yes, great – you’ve just got inside a man’s mind.
2) The second reason:
Because he wanted to have sex with you, and he thought he could get it if he promised marriage and babies. Does that sound bad? Yes?
If it does, can I make a suggestion?
I know it sounds bad – but here’s the thing: if men didn’t have a desire to seek out sex, you wouldn’t be here.
You wouldn’t have access to chocolate (wink). AND – your mum and dad wouldn’t be here.
AND – you would NOT be attracted to him. You know bad boys? And alpha males? Well, I don’t care how much you try to say you don’t want one of those – it’s in the female human’s DNA to SEXUALLY mate with the bad boy.
You might reject that sexual desire in yourself – but you can’t deny the sexual attraction to a bad boy, even underneath all the attempts to resist them, because you’re really afraid that they will just leave you if you get involved with them.
That’s why some men become the bad boy. There would be no purpose to being a bad boy if there was no benefit with women.
So, give yourself a gift: start having some compassion for men and their desire for sex. It’s not wrong. Once you skip along with their desire for sex in your arm, allowing it to be an acceptable part of your life and an accepted fact about men, instead of pushing AGAINST their desire like you’re pushing a 2-tonne truck off the highway (hint: you couldn’t do that, just as you can’t push a man’s sexual desire off the highway) – you’ll attract way more FAITHFULNESS and COMMITMENT from a man, because he’ll feel safe with you.
Just because a man wanted sex with you doesn’t mean he JUST wanted sex.
What he was really seeking was the feeling of attraction.
Men WANT sex, but what they NEED is attraction.
They want to feel something in their lives – some aliveness, some attraction and energy – something that gives purpose to their life, because guess what? A masculine man’s life is pretty straight-forward and one-dimensional. Not much feminine energy in a man’s life. Which is what he’s really seeking.
Why He Can TALK Marriage and Babies so Easily:
It’s not you. It’s not men.
If you are really SEXUALLY attracted to a man, when you first meet him, do you try to put your best foot forward?
Imagine for a moment, you happen to meet, in PERSON, the most sexually attractive, successful, charming, handsome, loving and masculine man you can think of. Who is he?
Name him quickly in your head…
Do you try to smile and be happy and exciting and seem healthy, maybe even COOL?
Or do you sit opposite him at the dinner table burping and farting and spitting?
(Hint: if you chose the last option, there’s no hope for you).
That is sexual attraction at work. That’s evolution at work.
Human beings are compelled to unconsciously put their ‘best’ selves forward when they are sexually attracted to someone.
So, yes, we’re basically liars.
Because what happens 2 years down the track if you get in to a relationship? The other parts of you start to come out.
You don’t try to put your best foot forward all the time anymore.
Because there’s no need to.
The less sexually attractive someone is to you, the less you care to make any promises or put your best foot forward.
So, why do we do this?
Well, because if we didn’t, we wouldn’t pass our genes on. You and I wouldn’t be here today.
If we can ‘hold out’ and be our best selves long enough for mating to happen, or long enough to keep a relationship to raise a human baby until it is at least 4 or 5, then we’ve done our job.
At least according to that evil dude named Evolution.
So as a woman who wants to have a family, and a loving man in her life, what do you do about this?
I’m glad you asked, because you really DO need to do something about it. You don’t want to waste your life away attracting men who run off on you.
Here is what you do:
1) You STOP ignoring your intuition.
Look at a man’s body language as he’s speaking to you.
Don’t just listen to his words.
Watch his body. Watch his eyes carefully, and not so much that you look like a stunned rat.
Trust yourself. You were born a woman, and you are smarter than that.
Right off the bat, I can tell if a man is genuine or not, by reading his body language. And you need to get good at that, rather than buying in to your own story in your head that he means what he “says”.
A WARNING: A lot of men KNOW to SAY they want a long-term relationship if they want to get easy sex.
They know the trick. Many women are suckers for men who seem like the ‘reliable’ ‘father-type’ – a lot of men already know that and play on it to get sex.
Just like women dress in mini skirts and barely-there fabrics when they want some easy attention. Most men can’t help but stop and stare. Those women got what they wanted. The attention doesn’t last, but hey, the men looked, right?
Here’s the truth I want you to know:
You KNEW he didn’t mean it when he said he would give you babies and marriage.
You just WANTED to believe him, and that’s ok. I understand.
Sometimes in life, it’s better to believe in something than to sit around with doubt. And that’s not a bad part of you.
It’s GOOD that you have the ability to believe. Just got to balance it with some practical thinking.
But let’s admit: it made you feel good to believe him. To feel hope, for a minute. And that’s ok.
Only, it’s not ok if you want a committed relationship, is it?
That’s where step 2 comes in to it:
2) You get REALLY good at attracting a selection of mature men in to your life.
You need to know that not all men are worth your time.
Learn to ELIMINATE the men who are not genuinely wanting something long-term. And that also means you need to stop “going with the flow” and trusting every man on his word.
Do you want kids?
Do you want your daughter and your son to have a father who is SERIOUS, who will stick around, and who will be a dedicated Daddy? Or do you rather go with Mr “Good Enough” – only to see your children’s father disappoint them because he just wasn’t truly committed?
Do you want to have a kitchen with bright lights and a family sitting around the table, enjoying being together?
Then don’t ignore the need to attract a mature man.
Don’t settle for a man who seems ‘ok’ enough because you think you might not find anyone BETTER.
My students have done it, and they do it over and over again.
See, it’s JUST as easy to attract a bunch of mature men as it is to attract the low value, un-committed men, if you just start thinking differently.
It’s not rocket science.
By now you may be wondering if these kind of men exist.
Of course they do.
Not just in my fantasy, but in real life. And, in my life of course. J
Only, these men come at a price: that price is: YOU getting better at attracting them; because these men only want high value women.
The best only want the best. The idea is as simple as that.
The one thing you need to do is this:
Increase your value so you find better and better quality men entering your world.
High value men only want high value women.
Ask yourself this question every time you feel desperate and weak, like you’re about to lose him:
Where would I WALK – where would I GO – how would I HOLD MY BODY – if there were 1,000 men waiting outside my front door right now?
I guarantee that your whole aura will be different.
Your posture will be tall, you’ll feel more OPEN and feminine from the eyes of men, and they’ll start to WANT you like bees want honey.
The idea is simple: men love to be around women who hold themselves as high value.
It’s like anything – we run from the desperate and give to the grateful, the wealthy, the happy, the people who are truly giving inside.
And here is how you know when you are getting it right: when you will seem more high value to men, using this visual of 1,000 men standing outside your front door:
You’re getting it right when your breathing starts to slow down, your heart stops beating so fast, you take a deep breath in, and your body is not so full of tension.
You’re REALLY getting it right when you start to feel a big smile creep across your face instead of being so scared.
You’re free then, to be the best version of yourself.
I have much more on building your value in my video tutorial series in my home study program Commitment Control here:
And to instantly tell if a man is mature or not in your first few conversations, I have several unobvious, INNOCENT QUESTIONS to ask a man in conversation to find out if he is mature or not in my home study course Understanding Men.
Your friends will wonder how you can be so good at reading men.
If you want to stop wasting your precious time on men who don’t give you what you want, Understanding Men will alllow you to stop doing that.
Skip over to check out Understanding Men here:
By the way – I have two great stories of women who have taken my information in Commitment Control and stopped getting bad results in their dating world. Their stories are humbling and heartwarming. You can find their short stories here: Eva and Diana’s story.
One last thing! Share your opinions and thoughts on this below. I love hearing from you! xox