When is the Right time to Sleep with a Man?

When is the Right time to sleep with a man

We live in a politically correct world right? In other words, it doesn’t matter how soon you sleep with a man, right? Wrong.

But, not for the reasons you think. Not because men have double standards. But for your happiness and relationship success. (Click here to get your “Goddess Report”)

Men will ‘categorize’ women in to either one of two categories, whether we like it or not. They still do it. You are either a ‘just for a good time’ girl, or wife material. This doesn’t mean that men are right, or that this is a good way or categorizing women; it’s just what commonly happens, on a surface level, and you need to be aware of it.

Pre-framing your relationship with a Man

And, the sooner you sleep with a man without building ATTRACTION first, the harder it is going to be to develop a committed relationship with him. Why? Because the beginning stages of a relationship or courtship are when the FUTURE of a relationship is pre-framed. (Click here to find out if you’re “Dating a Commitment Friendly Man” by completing this quiz)

What I mean is; if you sleep with a man early, it’s highly likely that he will only see you as someone he sleeps with, not someone he marries; and he might be more likely to keep expecting that. When it’s done, it’s hard to change the original ‘terms’ you created for the relationship at the start. There’s a reason for this, and it has to do with how men are built; how their brains are wired, but I won’t go in to that stuff here.

Is this fair? Not at all. It’s downright painful at times, for a woman to be in this position, or to make such a move and then find herself in a position she never intended to be in, but it’s how it is.

I don’t believe in holding back sex out of fear that he will run. That decision is coming from the totally wrong place. And more importantly, I don’t believe in feeling guilty over sleeping with a man too early. Neither of these two things are in the least bit relevant, or useful in your life. We’re aiming for happiness and passion in your love life, not feelings of guilt or just becoming overly controlling about what the “right” decision is.

So what is best for you as a woman, is to start off with awareness of how men think in this area, and then make the right decisions for your own life, through true awareness. (read my article about understanding men)

When it comes to men and your choice of when to sleep with a man, you need to be aware of only these two important things:

1) Men want to have sex, but what they actually NEED is to feel attraction. That is what they are looking for, underneath the many cries for sex, sex, sex.

So, sex is rarely what they really want. As a woman, its your job to remember that, for your own happiness, and not expect men to tell you that.

Because too many women do not know this, and then they don’t know what else to give a man, so they feel pressured to have sex with him (which they do), and then the man leaves, which is very hurtful the day after, when you are left feeling used.

2) If there is not enough attraction between you and a man, he will be more likely to push for sex, and with much more urgency.

If you want to be a High Value, High Status woman, you need to realize that if you are not focusing on building attraction with men, you will find yourself having slept with men, but most of them would have run; only because there was not enough attraction. (Click here to learn what are the 17 Attraction Triggers)

Is the Question: How Soon is too soon to sleep with a man?

To be frank: the question is not WHEN should you sleep with a man, or how SOON is too soon to sleep with a man. The question is: how much attraction is there between you and the man that you are dating?

That’s the simple secret to men: Attraction. It’s not sex. After all, if it was sex, why would men actually turn DOWN offers of sex from hookers? I was recently in Singapore, and mistakenly ended up in a hotel in the red light district after a mistake in booking a hotel (a long story) and to my dismay, for the two nights I was there, every morning and evening I would look out the window, and witness many young women approaching men with offers of sex (at a price of course), and a majority of men turned down the offers for sex.

Most single men can afford a night with a hooker, especially in parts of Asia where I was, yet I personally witnessed one man after another, turning young women’s offers for sex away. (read my article about the side effects of birth control pill)

Men must just want sex, right?


Men want to feel attraction.

What if YOU want casual sex with a man?

So, what if YOU just want to sleep with a man, you ask? Well, that’s up to you. That’s your decision. Perhaps, if you have already decided that a man is not marriage material, that you want to just have casual sex with him. That’s your choice. But you DO have to be aware that, even though this might seem safe and convenient, what you are doing, effectively, is tarnishing your own ‘associations’ with sex by settling for what’s comfortable and convenient at the time. A 5/10 experience.

At our core, what we want, is not just some sex, or just a good time. We want something deeper, something infinitely passionate, something that makes us feel alive. The longer you go with just a sex friend, rather than opening your heart and being vulnerable to the right man, and the longer you have sex with someone you are NOT passionate about and would NOT die for, the more you imprint associations in to your brain of mediocre, ‘ok’, experiences, and that in turn effects the energy that you put out in to the world, to another man who may be worth spending the rest of your life with. (read my article about how to make a guy want you)

So what is the solution?

This is the solution: keep your focus where it benefits you and your future relationship the most: focus on creating attraction with men.  Then, everything else will fall in place naturally, and it will all feel ‘right’ to you.

Become that woman who is irresistibly attractive, playful, fun and fascinating, so that men are more interested in committing themselves to you than just having sex with you.

The situation is right when a man is compelled to keep contacting you even when you haven’t had sex.

And this is ESPECIALLY true for a man whom you want to spend the rest of your life with. Attraction is the truly valuable experience that a man wants, not just sex. If you want to become an expert at doing that with men, click here to join Attraction Control Monthly also learn about the 17 Attraction Triggers.

Attraction and passion FIRST; then sex. Once there is enough attraction, sex will happen at the right time completely NATURALLY, without you having to beat yourself up with guilt over ‘sleeping with him too soon’ or laying awake at night wondering when is the ‘right’ time. It’s for your own future and benefit.

And when you prioritize the feelings of Attraction between you and a man, you let the tension build up slowly, and everything will be a much better experience for both of you.

Now over to you: what are your thoughts on sex with men? How soon is too soon and what recommendations do you have for other women who are unsure about when they should and shouldn’t have sex with a man?




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  • TElle

    Reply Reply January 22, 2015

    I’m just honestly at the point where I refuse to even think about sex until AFTER the contracts are signed & he has but his name on the dotted line. & my contract I mean a ring, & a ceremony.
    I don’t believe in wondering when the perfect time is at all, the perfect timing is when he is ready to go through with becoming one with me & that’s not even good enough, he has to go through with it.

    & if a guy leaves after knowing that’s what it requires to sleep with me, then GOOD! He wasn’t worth my time to begin with. & even if his attraction is there if lying ir any disloyal actions or communication happens I’m ending it. Love, convenience, attraction, none of that honestly matters to me anymore, I simply can not & will not put up with uncompromising circumstances from men any longer.

  • Joe

    Reply Reply October 19, 2014

    Guy here… Forget the guy who don’t appreciate your and what you put out. If the guy wasn’t ready for a relationship and lacks the tact to express it, he still is not the guy for you, move on. Guys are definitely looking for high value women and this is demonstrated in a number of ways. Any man worth his salt will recognise the positive in the woman such as her generosity, kindness, honesty and vulnerability. The same man that is worth anything will recognise the negative such as manipulation and general bs. This gets magnified when it comes to sex so be careful. Whatever approach you take, the man will either choose to accept or decide you are not the woman for him and move on. Doesn’t matter the consequences as long as you are coming from an honest place within you.

  • Stacy

    Reply Reply October 17, 2014

    I think that I’ve had this problem. I slept with someone who was pretty interesting, however I was too available and too attached therefore he saw me as “low quality”. I don’t think of myself in this way, but its hard to forget that men and women alike judge women harshly for their sexual behavior. I think slut-shaming is bad, but if that’s the way the world works, I’d prefer to be seen as “high quality”. The important thing is that no matter what I do, I feel confident in who I am and what I do, but in the future, I will definitely pay more attention to how others think of me. Not because I need their validation, but because I want my vision of myself to match my perceived vision… It’s the harsh reality, but I will not sleep with someone so quickly or be more discreet about it and realize that that’s all it will ever be.

  • Juliette

    Reply Reply September 5, 2014

    The thing about attraction is right, I had times when dated for weeks before having sex, and it was a awful when it happened. And there been man I slept on a first date, and it was fab, and we been together for long. If you are tight for each other, and enjoy sex, share fantasies together, than time is not a factor, joy is.

  • rawr

    Reply Reply September 3, 2014

    you forgot to mention that men don’t want to marry sluts. if a woman is so out of touch with her femininity that she has many sexual partners just for fun, or without expecting marriage and a family, that tells a man that she is low value, toxic, and probably not capable of appreciating a quality man. sorry ladies, your past does matter, in fact it’s the probably the first thing men look at.

  • Britney

    Reply Reply August 17, 2014

    Same here Sue. I didn’t enjoy sex with my partner because he wasn’t good. I could orgasm if I masturbated, but not with him. I was also at a point were I was vulnerable and lonely and he also took advantage, constantly deceived me, and lied. I finally left him after all the cheating and I just can’t stop thinking of him. I’ve never contacted him since but he is always on my mind


  • Elle

    Reply Reply June 4, 2014

    I have only been on three dates with a guy, but we went to a party together and i got too drunk and slept with him. I am aware that i shouldn’t have done that, and i have learned my lesson! He hasn’t talked to me much since. I may have turned him off by getting too drunk. He did look after me though which was nice.Are me and him finished now? i don’t know what to do except give him space…

  • soul sista

    Reply Reply November 22, 2013

    i have sex when i want to. if he leaves me, fuck it. i’m too old for this bullshit. there are plenty of men that want to spend time with me.

    • Karri

      Reply Reply November 24, 2013

      I agree, there is time in life when fuck the games, I have been in a sexless marriage for 5 years, I am single now and dammit I am horney! I don’t sleep around either, just want one guy but damn if they don’t all run….whatever

  • ark itk

    Reply Reply November 22, 2013

    I love how you say that you don’t believe in holding out on sex out of the fear that the guy will run away. As a man, I know that what makes you stay or run is not how soon I have sex with a girl, but other far more significant factors, including the quality of the sex we have and especially how much I like the girl as a person otherwise. Femininity is surely one of the most attractive qualities sexually and in just about every other way.

    I wish you wrote an article about feminism, business women in big cities and how it affects their life, dating and interactions with men. So much to be said about this very current issue.

  • sandra

    Reply Reply November 19, 2013

    Renee Hi!

    I have learnt a lot from this lesson.
    I have this problem and i dont know what is causing this and how to solve it. Quiet alright i don’t do sex much with men, but when i want and feel like having sex and the man comes again the feelings go away. This problem started the first time i had sex with my boyfriend, I didnt feel anything good but pain and it is still continuing.

    Even if i have a new boyfriend its just the same i don’t enjoy sex. Thats why i dont have sex with my man mostly even if demands it. But when we have sex my man always say he enjoys it and that am sweet. Am afred of telling that i dont enjoy coz he not his problem its mine and all the men i slept with is just the same.

    please i need help, i might loose my life man because of fearing to have sex with him.

    I dont ENJOY SEX RENEE!!!

    Help me.

    thank you because you are my best adviser ever since i started going through your article, am changing in all parts which i have to.


    • Karri

      Reply Reply November 24, 2013

      Hi Ark,

      Thanks for responding, I prefer to hear how a guy thinks over what women think. I have to agree with you. Just because I may sleep with someone I find very attractive inside and out does make me a bad person or a person who sleeps around. I am the full package and if they can’t see that, then I guess its not meant to be. Anyway, thanks again.

    • Sue

      Reply Reply July 23, 2014

      Hi Sandra: I fell just about the same way you do. I am sure I am older than you but the truth is that I just do not enjoy sex. If I masturbate by my self I enjoy and can have an orgasm. But I can’t have it with a man. I have been in a relationship with a man for almost 4 years. We had sex the first day with met. I felt a great attraction for him but the sex was terrible, painful, not enjoy. I was feeling lonely and did not want to let him go because I ended falling in love with him. He deceived me, lied, and took advantage because I felt lonely and needed him. We have been apart on and off and I cant take him off my mind. But no more sex with him. And I don’t even want to try to meet another man. My loneliness is terrible and I no longer want to be used.

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