If we as women, are truly feminine at our core but reject it, we can sometimes find ourselves in dating situations where the man doesn't commit, even after the relationship got sexual. Especially after the relationship got sexual. Wanting a woman for sex is one thing, but wanting a woman for a relationship, that tends to happen when a man perceives high value in a woman.
I have a couple of ideas on how our feminine energy can help us distinguish whether we are showing up in the dating market as a 'one of many', or a man's 'one and only'.
If you are truly a feminine woman at your core, but don't know how to let your femininity surface, then you might be wasting a lot of your energy just pushing down your natural drivers, for the sake of being enough or gaining society's acceptance, perhaps.
And even if you think you are happy, something might feel like it is missing some day. Why? Because you're rejecting a part of yourself. Being able to claim your feminine energy is at the heart of your own happiness, and most definitely the happiness of your relationship. (Click here to complete the quiz on "How Feminine Am I Actually?")
Our culture rejects a woman's authentic femininity and has replaced it with 'image-related' ideas of femininity as well as masculinity. This can make things very hard for us.
So if you've ever felt like it's incredibly hard to be feminine in today's world, many women I speak to feel the same, and you are not alone.
Most women are more than happy to get dressed up, buy clothes that are on trend but clothes they don't need, and wear bucket-loads of make up. This is not femininity. This is a trigger, and 'cue' or a 'sign' of femininity. It definitely has enormous value.
However, there's a problem when this becomes the only idea of femininity. (read my article about how to be feminine)
Being a woman doesn't mean you are feminine
As the common argument goes: "as long as I am a woman, I am feminine!" Being a woman and being feminine apparently go hand-in-hand.
That's like saying that starting a business means it will succeed, or because it's an orange, it must be sweet.
Sure, most women are indeed very feminine at their core, but just because you're a woman doesn't mean you show up as feminine.
I have met women who were obviously soft, flowing, feminine souls in their core (or so I felt they were), but on the outside, they were intense, domineering, abusive women...and that wasn't natural to them, because they were doing those things to be enough. To feel important. Not because they were just being themselves.
How would I know this? I don't, necessarily. But this is just what I see in the world and it's what I believe.
I test these women sometimes, and respond to their domineering, aggressive outsides without an attempt to be open and to soften them...sometimes, they begin to respond with a cover up of what their actions were for. I believe this is because they know, inside, with their infinite bodily intelligence, that their actions were a facade. They weren't being who they truly are.
We are all either more masculine, feminine or neutral at our core
We are all either more masculine, feminine or neutral at our core, and when this is suppressed, either by choice or through conditioning (usually a combination of both) we become dead human beings. Think of people waiting on the seats on the subway in the morning.
Imagine the look on their faces, especially women. (Click here to take the quiz "How High Value High Status Am I on Facebook?")
Imagine their posture. How are they holding themselves? Are their shoulders slumped? Are the corners of their mouth sloping downwards? Are their mouths tight? Are they sensual or are they rigid? Or are they free? Do they smile or acknowledge you with their eyes or do they avoid looking at you?
There's a reason why many women have trouble letting their true selves shine through, and it's a very sad thing. That reason is:
How feminine energy is conditioned out of women
In many parts of our society, femininity and emotionality is made wrong. This starts in schools and with some parents. You can't be like this, you can't be like that. Sit down, shut up, wear the same thing as everybody else. Do the work. Get the result. Get an A. Suck it up. Please us. This is how you should do it. Get that career. Get in to debt. Die. (Whether literally or not).
And for a multitude of other reasons, women cover up their femininity, and just stop caring about themselves and others.
What happens when a woman's emotionality or authentic feminine energy is made wrong? She covers it up and becomes a lifeless being. Some would say women become more masculine, and this is true sometimes, but my feeling is that women tend to become lifeless, lonely robots, masculine or not.
You could shake them up in a life-sized blender and they wouldn't move an inch.
Women who are in this habitual state make themselves miserable, and make others around them miserable. It surfaces as 'depression', 'anxiety disorder', learned helplessness, an I don't care attitude, or "I'm just career-oriented".
What it really is is a part of us dying.
It's easy to just say "well I don't care".
Until we do care.
Or, I guess, until life forces us to care.
Emotionality and authenticity is the core of femininity
The nature of femininity is that there is life. And there is emotion and authenticity, there is unpredictability and vulnerability, and there is sexuality. To be feminine you cannot be afraid of your own ability to feel, to enjoy and to influence.
Think of a woman, standing in front of you, smiling big. She's smiling so big, and her smile is so energetic, you can't help but smile back, but if you don't smile back, her energy heals you. But this is not just a smile. Any woman on the street can pull a smile, and the majority of women pull smiles that are practiced.
A smile for the sake of a smile.
A smile that is pulled so that you can't say I snobbed you off.
Going back to the woman. She's smiling, right at you, all the while, her eyes are lit up, and she's not shying away from the joy and the infectious energy that her smile brings. She's irresistible. And I don't mean sexually (though she is likely sexually irresistible too).
I mean, her energy is irresistible. When you're around her, you feel more alive. You feel nurtured. Once she's in your life, you really can't imagine life without her. She's a special friend or a special lover.
If she's sad, her tears fall unapologetically. If she's hurt, you can see it. If she's angry, you can see it, and you can feel it.
Most important: she's not rejecting her feelings.
She's not rejecting parts of herself.
This is scary for many of us women today. We think authenticity is wrong, because it has indeed been made wrong. Women are raised today to go for the kill. That is not a problem in itself but it is when women feel rejected for being truly feminine.
The scary thing about this is that many women have sweet-talked themselves in to believing that feminine energy is wrong. It's not ok to feel vulnerable.
We are taught to please and to conform from a very young age. But I'm glad to say that I do see the tide turning. And I am personally also extremely, extremely blessed to have a handful of girlfriends who are feminine, authentic and real in my presence. They gift me with their authenticity, their tears, their laughter and their affection (thanks JF AND YT).
It's also very hard when there are also some men out there in the big wide world make a woman's emotionality wrong.
"Stop being dumb".
"What a crazy bitch".
"Why are you so emotional?"
This is not about being an emotional wreck (although you are free to be that too). It's about showing who you really are as a woman, and feeling what you really feel. If your life is always about getting things done, pleasing people, achieving something, keeping to the 'rules', pretending you don't have fears, and you are always up to your neck in responsibilities, your femininity is probably being suppressed. (read my article about the secret to being yourself)
Feminine energy is scary
Women who freely express what they're feeling scare a lot of other women. Why does it scare them? Because they have rejected this about themselves. They've got to be 'in control'. There's nothing wrong with that either.
But my question is:
How free do you really feel when you put encumbrances on what you can or can't be?
How free do you really feel when you put restrictions on what you can or cannot feel?
How free do you really feel when you make your very own essence as a woman wrong?
I see women everywhere, every day putting other women down for being real and feminine. A spontaneous laugh that is authentic and silly; that expresses true joy and vulernability is scowled at.
A woman screams once more than is ideal on television and she's just a nuisance.
A woman who is not afraid of her femininity, her sensuality and sexuality and ability to enchant is unfairly labelled a slut or treated as an outcast, though maybe all she's doing is gifting people with her energy.
A lot of women do often project something that is fake (fake feminine) - some women cry repetitively to get attention, or scream to get attention. They try to get something from men, as if men should just be there at their beck and call.
This is not real or authentic, and it's not feminine. It is just manipulative and a sign of desperation.
I have a really goofy side and a childlike girly side that would make many a modern woman sick to the stomach. But I don't make it wrong, because I don't want to suppress different parts of myself. I also have a masculine side if the situation calls for it.
To be human, and indeed, to be a human female means to allow the full expression of yourself and your femininity.
Here is what you can do to become more feminine:
1)Look toward the men (or the man) in your life and allow them to influence you. consciously allow yourself to feel happy, excited, and attracted to masculine men or the man in your life. Masculine men have a wonderful gift to give you, and that is realizing your own feminine energy (warning: do be careful! Some men will want to just take advantage of you).
If you feel yourself rejecting their masculine energy (you'll usually feel it in your body), 'wanting to keep it out', or not allowing men to influence you (like so many women do for the need to not be out of control, or for the need to be independent), just remember that that is a part of yourself you are rejecting.
If you feel yourself rejecting men or their masculine energy (usually out of fear - move your body to a different position, or rapidly change your posture and you will feel different.
In return, you will feel men and women expressing their appreciation for your energy.
Allowing a man to influence you could mean acknowledging their presence and their masculinity and what a gift that is, because men these days also reject their own masculine energy. It could mean letting a man you don't know open a door for you or letting your man put a big smile on your face.
2) Consciously notice yourself when you are rejecting other women for being feminine or for being themselves. A huge warning sign! If you reject other women, or you judge them, you're not being smart or superior, what you are really doing is dis-owning a part of yourself, and you're not free. And what happens when you're not free, is you cannot be feminine and you become tight, controlling and dead.
This is probably a bit tiring, for you.
3) Surround yourself with feminine women and celebrate their feminine energy.
4) You must hold the belief that your feminine energy is a gift. It's you being authentic. It's not selfish, it's not stupid. It's a gift to yourself and to your man, and to any other men in your life. Just as you would love and appreciate a masculine man of integrity who is present, humorous and confident, other human beings feel your feminine energy as a gift, even if they can't consciously define it as feminine. These 17 feminine attraction triggers that I've put together are a door way to your outer and inner feminine essence. Click here to get it and get the first volume of Attraction Control Monthly for free.
Now, over to you. Please share your thoughts and experiences. Let us know of any thoughts you have that could help other women embrace their femininity.