How Most Women Reject their Femininity (and How you can stand out from the crowd)

how to stand out from the crowd

A woman who is truly feminine at her core but rejects it always has trouble attracting great man who want to be with her for life. Want her for sex? Sure, maybe. But be with her for life? That’s something very different.

If you are truly a feminine woman at your core, but don’t know how to let your femininity surface, you will end up unhappy, feeling miserable and depleted. It takes a lot of energy to reject a part of you that is there whether you like it or not.

And even if you think you are happy, something will feel like it is missing some day. Why? Because you’re rejecting a part of yourself. Being able to claim your feminine energy is at the heart of your own happiness, and most definitely the happiness of your relationship.

Our culture rejects a woman’s authentic femininity and has replaced it with ‘image-related’ ideas of femininity as well as masculinity.

So if you’ve ever felt like it’s incredibly hard to be feminine in today’s world, many women I speak to feel the same, and you are not alone.

Most women are more than happy to get dressed up, buy clothes that are on trend but clothes they don’t need, and wear bucket-loads of make up. This is not femininity. This is a trigger, and ‘cue’ or a ‘sign’ of femininity. It definitely has enormous value.

However, there’s a problem when this becomes the only idea of femininity. (read my article about how to be feminine)

Being a woman doesn’t mean you are feminine

As the common argument goes: “as long as I am a woman, I am feminine!Being a woman and being feminine apparently go hand-in-hand.

That’s like saying that starting a business means it will succeed, or because it’s an orange, it must be sweet.

Sure, most women are indeed very feminine at their core, but just because you’re a woman doesn’t mean you show up as feminine. This is not an insult. This is a call to you to let who you really are show up for real, before your life passes you by.

We are all either more masculine or feminine at our core, and when this is suppressed, either by choice or through conditioning (usually a combination of both) we become dead human beings. Think of people waiting on the seats on the subway in the morning.

Imagine the look on their faces, especially women.

Imagine their posture. How are they holding themselves? Are their shoulders slumped? Are the corners of their mouth sloping downwards? Are their mouths tight? Are they sensual or are they rigid? Or are they free? Do they smile or acknowledge you with their eyes or do they avoid looking at you?

There’s a reason why many women have trouble letting their true selves shine through, and it’s a very sad thing. That reason is:

How feminine energy is conditioned out of women

In many parts of our society, femininity and emotionality is made wrong. This starts in schools and with some parents. You can’t be like this, you can’t be like that. Sit down, shut up, wear the same thing as everybody else. Do the work. Get the result. Get an A. Suck it up. Please us. This is how you should do it. Get that career. Get in to debt. Die. (Whether literally or not).

And for a multitude of other reasons, women cover up their femininity, and just stop caring about themselves and others.

What happens when a woman’s emotionality or authentic feminine energy is made wrong? She covers it up and becomes a lifeless being. Some would say women become more masculine, and this is true sometimes, but my feeling is that women tend to become lifeless, lonely robots, masculine or not.

You could shake them up in a life-sized blender and they wouldn’t move an inch.

Women who are in this habitual state make themselves miserable, and make others around them miserable. It surfaces as ‘depression’, ‘anxiety disorder’, learned helplessness, an I don’t care attitude, or “I’m just career-oriented”.

What it really is is a part of us dying.

It’s easy to just say “well I don’t care”.

Until you do.

Emotionality and authenticity is the core of femininity

The nature of femininity is that there is life. And there is emotion and authenticity, there is unpredictability and vulnerability, and there is sexuality. To be feminine you cannot be afraid of your own ability to feel, to enjoy and to influence.

Think of a woman, standing in front of you, smiling big. She’s smiling so big, and her smile is so energetic, you can’t help but smile back, but if you don’t smile back, her energy heals you. But this is not just a smile. Any woman on the street can pull a smile, and the majority of women pull smiles that are practiced.

A smile for the sake of a smile.

A smile that is pulled so that you can’t say I snobbed you off.

Going back to the woman. She’s smiling, right at you, all the while, her eyes are lit up, and she’s not shying away from the joy and the infectious energy that her smile brings. She’s irresistible. And I don’t mean sexually (though she is likely sexually irresistible too).

I mean, her energy is irresistible. When you’re around her, you feel more alive. You feel nurtured. Once she’s in your life, you really can’t imagine life without her. She’s a special friend or a special lover.

If she’s sad, her tears fall unapologetically. If she’s hurt, you can see it. If she’s angry, you can see it, and you can feel it.

Most important: she’s not rejecting her feelings.

She’s not rejecting parts of herself.

This is scary for many of us women today. We think authenticity is wrong, because it has indeed been made wrong. Women are raised today to go for the kill. That is not a problem in itself but it is when women feel rejected for being truly feminine.

The scary thing about this is that many women have sweet-talked themselves in to believing that feminine energy is wrong. It’s not ok to feel vulnerable.

We are taught to please and to conform from a very young age. But I’m glad to say that I do see the tide turning. And I am personally also extremely, extremely blessed to have a handful of girlfriends who are feminine, authentic and real in my presence. They gift me with their authenticity, their tears, their laughter and their affection (thanks JF AND YT).

It’s also very hard when there are also some men out there in the big wide world make a woman’s emotionality wrong.

“Stop being dumb”.

“What a crazy bitch”.

“Why are you so emotional?”

This is not about being an emotional wreck (although you are free to be that too). It’s about showing who you really are as a woman, and feeling what you really feel. If your life is always about getting things done, pleasing people, achieving something, keeping to the ‘rules’, pretending you don’t have fears, and you are always up to your neck in responsibilities, your femininity is probably being suppressed. (read my article about the secret to being yourself)

Feminine energy is scary

Women who freely express what they’re feeling scare a lot of other women. Why does it scare them? Because they have rejected this about themselves. They’ve got to be ‘in control’. There’s nothing wrong with that either.

But my question is:

How free do you really feel when you put encumbrances on what you can or can’t be?

How free do you really feel when you put restrictions on what you can or cannot feel?

How free do you really feel when you make your very own essence as a woman wrong?

I see women everywhere, every day putting other women down for being real and feminine. A spontaneous laugh that is authentic and silly; that expresses true joy and vulernability is scowled at.

A woman screams once more than is ideal on television and she’s just a nuisance.

A woman who is not afraid of her femininity, her sensuality and sexuality and ability to enchant is unfairly labelled a slut or treated as an outcast, though maybe all she’s doing is gifting people with her energy.

A lot of women do often project something that is fake (fake feminine) – some women cry repetitively to get attention, or scream to get attention. They try to get something from men, as if men should just be there at their beck and call.

This is not real or authentic, and it’s not feminine. It is just manipulative and a sign of desperation.

I have a really goofy side and a childlike girly side that would make many a modern woman sick to the stomach. But I don’t make it wrong, because I don’t want to suppress different parts of myself. I also have a masculine side if the situation calls for it.

To be human, and indeed, to be a human female means to allow the full expression of yourself and your femininity.

Here is what you can do to become more feminine:

1)Look toward the men (or the man) in your life and allow them to influence you. consciously allow yourself to feel happy, excited, and attracted to masculine men or the man in your life. Masculine men have a wonderful gift to give you, and that is realizing your own feminine energy (warning: do be careful! Some men will want to just take advantage of you).

If you feel yourself rejecting their masculine energy (you’ll usually feel it in your body), ‘wanting to keep it out’,  or not allowing men to influence you (like so many women do for the need to not be out of control, or for the need to be independent), just remember that that is a part of yourself you are rejecting.

If you feel yourself rejecting men or their masculine energy (usually out of fear – move your body to a different position, or rapidly change your posture and you will feel different.

In return, you will feel men and women expressing their appreciation for your energy.

Allowing a man to influence you could mean acknowledging their presence and their masculinity and what a gift that is, because men these days also reject their own masculine energy. It could mean letting a man you don’t know open a door for you or letting your man put a big smile on your face.

2) consciously notice yourself when you are rejecting other women for being feminine or for being themselves. A huge warning sign! If you reject other women, or you judge them, you’re not being smart or superior, what you are really doing is dis-owning a part of yourself, and you’re not free. And what happens when you’re not free, is you cannot be feminine and you become tight, controlling and dead.

This is not only unattractive and pointless, it’s tiring, for you.

3) Surround yourself with feminine women and celebrate their feminine energy.

4) You must hold the belief that your feminine energy is a gift. It’s you being authentic. It’s not selfish, it’s not stupid. It’s a gift to yourself and to your man, and to any other men in your life. Just as you would love and appreciate a masculine man of integrity who is present, humorous and confident, other human beings feel your feminine energy as a gift, even if they can’t consciously define it as feminine. These 17 feminine attraction triggers that I’ve put together are a door way to your outer and inner feminine essence.

Now, over to you. Please share your thoughts and experiences. Let us know of any thoughts you have that could help other women embrace their femininity.

Renee the feminine woman


  • Bianca

    Reply Reply March 5, 2014

    I just want to thank you renee for the enlightenment. It really helps. I am a young 21 year old woman experiencing some changes both good and bad both internal and external. My question to you is how can I continue to work on expressing my feminity on a daily basis?

  • Sad

    Reply Reply March 3, 2014

    Yes, this is really quite sad to read as I feel totally lost and confused at a soul level.

    I just know what to think anymore and the more I figure it out, the more rapidly confused I feel.

    I’m reading all this and I’m thinking, what?!?, what am I suppose to do when my inner messages conflict all the time. I feel a human yo-yo stuck in limbo :-/.

    Definitely I have rejected my feminine side and I feel too conditioned from as far back I can remember so this is the only thing I know – I’m the recipient of characterlogical low self esteem, that means my core foundations are of nothing value.

    I’m scheduled for CBT, but I know that this rejection of my feminine side is just as much trouble as my faulty thinking.

    I keep randomly crying and thats because I keep changing my mind more rapidly than I can find my path and direction in life, so I’m trying to figure out what I am suppose to do in life…

    Maybe now is the wrong time decide as I’m too mentally unstable atm.

    However, I do wish I could be in touch with my feminine soon. I just feel lost at the moment. I don’t know what I have to do.

    I don’t know what I want, I don’t know what to think about anything. I hope time will tell.

    P.s, Renee, I know you might never, but it would be really helpful if you could create an e-book/program just on what feminine is how to follow the path of an authentic woman.

    I know you probably do stuff in your other programs but I feel so confused, such as I have no idea how to formulate an idea on how to be an authentic feminine woman.

    I don’t feel myself to have a feminine role model and I’ve only known this way off thinking because this is all I’ve known.

    I could join the feminine woman attraction triggers/understanding men soon, but I DON’T need or want to know how men think at the moment, I don’t want to be more attractive to the opposite sex atm, because I don’t feel mentally well or stable so it would only do so much good.

    What I do want is to feel well and have mental stability before I can even thinking about wanting to meet men, because it wouldn’t be stable for myself or my daughter, no more than it would be good for a man with a broken leg to fight in a boxing match. Lol :-D

    Well he could try but I should imagine it wouldn’t be a very nice or comfortable experience for him to behave in ways that does his broken leg injustice.

    Personally I feel if someones mind is fucked up then it affects every other area in life.

    Actually, forget the man fighting in boxing with a broken leg, imagine him trying to fight in a boxing match if he’s been in major accident and that he will never be able to work again, he is also became impotent at the same time.

    I don’t know men but if that isn’t enough to make a man feel deflated and then to have to conjure up then energy and enthusiasm to get in a boxing ring with a champion boxer then I don’t know what else deflates men.

    But anyway as I was saying before lost on track. If their is ever a chance of you creating a feminine book on then I’m the first on board!

    I know this might not happen but I wanted to put the thought out because I’m sick of never asking people questions, I’m sick of not stating what I want weather I get what I want or not. You know what, I’m not a human problem so I need to stop treating myself as one because it’s one of the core elements that has been detrimental to my feminine energy.

  • Joan

    Reply Reply February 28, 2014

    You know, I can’t understand why the church doesn’t teach this stuff. I’ve been a churchgoing woman all my life, still something was missing, and now I am reading stuff that has been true to my heart all along.

    It feels very close to my heart. I once dated a man who would challenge me, to try to teach me to suck it up. Boo hoo, I’m really a big sucky. Friends would say he is good for me, as I needed to grow up. I ended it with him, as it didn’t feel right in my body. I felt it in my body.

    Now, I am in a relationship, and I had told him I like to help hauling in wood from the bush. He never asked my to, I volunteered. I guess I was trying to impress him, stupid I was then. Well a stupid mistake. I was sore and bruised and tired after 2 hours. What was I thinking? Well, some women like that, not me. I don’t like being around men when the language and behaviour is not to my liking. Some women can chug beer along with the men. Not me.

    It was the worst 2 hours of my life! Now, I do the things I want to do while he does the wood with his friends. I no longer reject myself.

  • Oliver J R Cooper

    Reply Reply December 4, 2013

    Hello Renee,

    great write up. This is full of important points and it empowers woman to embrace who they are and not who they have been told to be.

    All the best,


  • Camilla

    Reply Reply October 15, 2013

    If society discourages and disrespects femininity, then doesn’t it make sense that most men prefer less feminine women for long term relationships?

  • Julie

    Reply Reply October 8, 2013

    This is an excellent article. At my age of 56 I am still trying to learn to be more feminine. If you were to look at me you would think that I am definitely feminine because I look the part, however life has made me a very strong woman as well. I have always prided myself in being strong. Taking care of myself and my children. Not really needing a man, I thought…. Yes I can do most anything myself and have, however it really has not been much fun if I think about it.

    When I let my guard down and let a man take care of me I have found that it feels really good!
    I am working more and more everyday to let more of my feminine side come out more and to relax that masculine side. It feels good to be and act like a feminine woman. Men really do like that side of me. It gives them a reason to feel masculine. Men like competition, however they do not like to compete being masculine with a woman. That is a HUGE turn off for them. No wonder they walk away. They want to be who they are meant to be and that is someone who can take care of a woman they way God intended and made them to be.

    Again, I remind myself everyday, and work to be more feminine, which really is a lot of fun if you just let it flow.

  • Anna

    Reply Reply September 11, 2013

    Thank you for being the force that brings back true femininity to this deprived culture, and teaching women to cultivate it, appreciate it & treat it as a gift to bring us closer to ourselves & to our men. I think this is a beautiful thing.

  • Camilla

    Reply Reply August 10, 2013

    “A woman who is not afraid of her femininity, her sensuality and sexuality and ability to enchant is unfairly labelled a slut or treated as an outcast, though maybe all she’s doing is gifting people with her energy.”

    This has happened in my life since puberty. Very frustrating and stressful. I am still blessed however and the universe continues to work and bring me the things and situations I desire. I am getting less frustrated and more peaceful as I accept my feminine qualities and stop taking opinions of others personally.

  • Donna

    Reply Reply June 21, 2013

    I enjoyed most of the article, Renee, especially the part where you mentioned that criticizing other women for expressing their femininity is something to avoid at all costs – I absolutely agree, I think we should celebrate each other, rather than tearing each other down.

    However, I had an issue with the part where you speak about trying to avoid ”arguing at a man’s level”. When I speak to men (I’m talking about outside my relationship here), I think my opinions deserve to be heard, as do theirs. We deserve equal respect, and I’m shocked that you would write that women should not speak to men as equals! For example, the other day I was with a group of friends when I heard a guy (who I hadn’t met before) make a joke about rape victims. I was taken aback, and I respectfully explained that I found it offensive, and why. He was visibly annoyed at my interjection, but left it at that.
    I think that my view was just as valid, if not more so, than his – rape victims deserve our support. Were you trying to say that this sort of interaction is not feminine?
    I hope not, but I think perhaps I don’t fully understand what you were trying to get across.
    Would you mind explaining your stance on this a little further to me, Renee?
    Thankyou in advance, and thanks for the article :)

  • Adele

    Reply Reply April 20, 2013

    Women today are afraid of masculine men, but a lot of “feminized” men are afraid of feminine women. Feminine women can end up with unjustified labels such as “slutty”, “bimbos”, “dumb”, or “silly”. In the same way, masculine men can get labeled as “players”, “jocks”, “jerks”, “a-holes”.
    Good thing masculine men and feminine women aren’t afraid of each other!

    • Donna

      Reply Reply June 21, 2013

      I don’t see masculine as synonymous with ”player”! A man who sleeps with a lot of women is just that – a man who sleeps around. He might be masculine, but he could also be, as Renee puts it, ‘feminized’; having a high number of sexual partners is not necessarily a signifier of high masculinity.

  • Raquel

    Reply Reply April 13, 2013

    I am a feminine woman in a relationship with a masculine man and we have very strong chemistry and have been together for almost 2 years. He adores me and is totally sexually faithful to me, but loves to flirt and dance with other women “for the fun of it”. When I express how I feel hurt when his attention turns away from me, he says that I’m trying to control him, even though I am very good at communicating my feelings without asking him to do anything different. I actually feel less attracted to him in those moments, like his male attention toward me is what pulls me in, and when it turns away, it feels like a cord is cut. I am wondering I am in my authentic femininity for feeling this way, or if somehow I have been messed up in life and my attraction for him should not depend on his attention for me. I’d welcome any thoughts on this!

    • Renee Wade

      Reply Reply April 13, 2013

      Hi Raquel, thank you for your comment :)

      It’s likely that the reason you are not feeling attracted to him in those moments is because of 1 or 2 reasons:

      1) You pull away love from him by not being attracted to him, because you feel like HE is taking something away from you when he dances with other women.

      2) you don’t feel you can trust him. You close down, and when you’re closed, you can’t be attracted to him.


    • Doug

      Reply Reply May 4, 2013

      Hi Raquel:

      It sounds like you have the foundation to build a strong bond with your man that can last.

      Betting that your hurt feelings are being driven by fear — figure out exactly what it is your afraid of, and then decide whether or not it’s a well-founded fear. If it’s not, then talk it out with a girlfriend who knows how to reinforce your confidence (and not flame the fear). If it is, then work it out with him (as a team — try to avoid a one-on-one style).

      Let him be masculine — as long as his flirting and dancing with other women doesn’t cross a boundary (like making passes or being overtly sexual). If he does, then let him know (with love and care for him, but more importantly with confidence in yourself) what your boundaries are. If not, then be confident that he is “totally sexually faithful to [you]” and ramp it up with him. In either case, reward the man (not just sexually) when he respects those boundaries — whether or not you’ve told him what they are.

      Bottom line: Approaching him out of fear is a turn off. Approaching him with playful confidence that he’s your man and your his woman is a HUGE turn on and will reinforce his attraction to you.

  • Jennifer

    Reply Reply March 11, 2013

    All I know is that am happy to be who am. Someone who can cook, clean, go for a walk and live my day free of women crap. love is the answer in our awesome world! As for men if you wake up and stop dating ugly hearted demonic witches then maybe you would find a great gal like me to just love you. no assembly required

  • Tina

    Reply Reply August 5, 2012

    The idea behind your article resonates with me because I have encountered many situations in which I was encouraged to hide my vulnerability. As a small, soft-spoken blonde, I am quickly typecast as too emotional as well as vacuous, so I often feel like I’m vacillating between ruthless and sweet, depending who’s ego I’m stepping around.
    The problem I have though, is the concept of femininity. Lots of what is considered “typically feminine” in our society is actually cultural. The color pink, long soft hair, and lace undies are considered the epitome of feminine here in the West (specifically, the USA). What we don’t see is how we confuse “being cute” with being feminine.
    Many women are by nature not girlish or cute. The older (and more experienced) we become we get matronly, earthy, gangly, stocky, heavy-footed, Amazonian, sharp-tongued and arrow-piercingly resolute. Women who have these traits are not automatically masculine or conditioned away from their authentic feminine. It is this lie that the girly, the cute-sy, and the pixie-footed, own vulnerability (and authenticity) that does not sit well with me.
    Like you I do encourage all to show authentic emotion. Letting ourselves feel vulnerable is part of building a strong, authentic self. Again, though, the feminine does not own vulnerability nor emotion. Men feel just as strongly as women do, and they are just as vulnerable as women. It is just that our current structure does not allow them to live this reality, yet has encouraged women to do so to the detriment of their creativity and confidence. What I’m saying is – we can own traits such as strong, enduring, brave, risk-taking, but do them in a feminine way, and we can also be authentically vulnerable without being immature or child-ish.
    PS: Also, in response to many women’s comments: Yes, you do not have to hide your tears, but if they end an argument, it’s not a good sign. Whether they were manipulative tears or not doesn’t matter, if it leaves a matter unresolved, they are a distraction. Tears should never end an argument. Cry, take time out, and then talk when you feel calmer.

    • Renee Wade

      Reply Reply August 5, 2012

      Hi Tina,

      The essence of the article is not to reject any part of yourself. It has never mentioned being only typically girlish or cute. I am not sure where you got that idea…

      And – men have vulnerability too, yes, however -no, it’s not that our society doesn’t allow them to live this reality. Masculine men are built and wired differently biologically – with most emotions, they do not show them nor express them, not because of ‘society’, but because they are not genetically built that way.

      It’s true for men who are masculine at their core.

      • Ola

        Reply Reply March 3, 2013

        Awesome article, but I disagree with you saying that men don’t show emotions because of our genetics. “Boys don’t cry” is a societal thing, and although men are less emotional than women in their core, the times when we actually are emotional, we are not supposed to show it because it is not seen as masculine. It might not be masculine, but in every man there is some degree of feminine energy just as women have some inherent masculine energy. It is just as big of a problem for men to reject our inner selves as it is for women, which is what we are doing when we are constantly holding our emotions inside. Unhealthy

  • Kira Occido

    Reply Reply June 17, 2012

    One of my favorite memories, oddly enough, is of my best friend and I sitting in a police station together waiting for our parents to come get us (we were minors and had gotten ourselves into a little trouble). Anyway, we were put into this holding room together. We spent the time going back and forth between crying because we were scared, singing because we were bored and then laughing because we were singing in a police station, and then back to crying again because we were afraid that our parents wouldn’t let us hang out together anymore.

    • turtleluv

      Reply Reply January 21, 2013

      That is a fond memory to have. I can see how that will forever be something you remember!

  • Eleonora

    Reply Reply June 15, 2012

    I live in Kazakhstan, not far from Russia.
    I can not order your book “17 Triggers are…”
    Can I send money to an account for you personally?

  • Sydney girl

    Reply Reply May 28, 2012

    Lets not confuse feminine energy with Emotionally Immature.
    You need to be able to balance responsibility with the silly self entitled femine traits or as described in this article as fake femininity. It’s Ok to have fun but dont go to the extreme where other feminine sisters feel icky (not that doesn’t mean I’m suppressing anything).

    Having said that, even if you do, you’ll still be adorable to men

  • Explore Nature

    Reply Reply January 7, 2012

    Most of women who are rejecting femininity are following western feminism, it teaches women to give up their own femininity and be masculine or be gender neutralized. This feminism is the germ here.

  • LittleOrange

    Reply Reply November 8, 2011

    Hi! I just wanted to say that this is a very good article. I totally agree with you. I am a truly feminine (vulnerable) women and people (and mostly women) are making fun of me all the time. They call me childish, uncapable, weak, submissive, unintelligent, they treat me like I’m inferior to them when I show my femininity, they say I will not make it in life if I continue to behave like this. Last couple of years I got really sick of it so I was trying to be strong, independent, self sufficient, self reliable and a little bitchy. I must admit people do respect me more now but I just don’t feel happy. I feel awful. I hate being like this. You really opend my eyes although I don’t know if I would ever be free to be a women to the world. It’s really funny how nowadays women reject their femininity and men reject their masculinity. It really makes no sense. No wonder the divorce rate is so big. And could you answer me one question: why are feminine women perceived to be stupid? ( although they have college and they are well educated). Thank you! :)

    • Renee

      Reply Reply November 9, 2011

      Hey LittleOrange (such a cute name!)

      Women as a whole women in developed countries generally feel like they have to reject their femininity, so they make harsh judgments about other women who feel and have the ability to act authentically vulnerable.

      Why? Because they reject that part of themselves.

    • Tara

      Reply Reply January 22, 2013

      I can so relate to LittleOrange’s comment. It hurts so much when you are just trying to be a good person and fun-loving and joyful and feminine and others don’t appreciate you. This last year or so, I have allowed it to affect me and have also turned into a grouchy meany person and I feel awefully uncomfortable with myself because this is not me. I am now having a hard time going back to just being who I genuinely was before as if I am scared others will see the difference.
      I am learning from this that when others attack you for being you, maybe we can try to feel sorry for them because maybe they don’t have the tools to be otherwise and often, others are mean out of jealousy.
      Thank you Renee

  • FeFe

    Reply Reply October 22, 2011

    Oh honey, there is nothing like a womans tears! Great therapy for the heart and soul! When my husband tells my little girl to not cry, I tell him “Back off! You are not a girl or woman and you will never understand!”

  • mary89

    Reply Reply September 1, 2011

    I correct the first line:
    I don’t KNOW ehat you mean …..

  • mary89

    Reply Reply August 31, 2011

    I don’t what you mean exactly ” being feminine” , so I just comment according to my own understanding from it. Usually when we use such a word, we mean being overemotional, submissive & really vulnerable. I’m an athletic girl, though I guess I’m not a tomboy & NEVER try to look like men. But I wouldn’t be happy if I tried to have the “feminine” features I said. I know I can be at times agressive or cold, however I love who I am, I’m comfortable with it & usually people use to it after a while. If I try to be someone else I feel I’m destroying something in me.
    Sorry for my bad english

  • John

    Reply Reply August 3, 2011

    Good Post.Ladies…you are out and the guy insists on getting your number….you know if you give it to him he will go away….no problem Doucheline is here. Simply access your local free number, pass it to him… and it is on.

  • Peculiar

    Reply Reply July 11, 2011

    Hi Renne ,am a single lady and i want a man in my life,how wil i do that

  • Peculiar

    Reply Reply July 11, 2011

    Hi Renne ,thank you so much for your loving heart.

  • Ijay Onwuadi C

    Reply Reply July 3, 2011

    I love your article..I really learnt alot!!!

  • Sha-Nae

    Reply Reply June 9, 2011

    I cry for the most part when i am really angry and i dont want to explode…i jus go quiet bury my head in a pillow or withdraw to my room and let it out i dont encourage people seeing me cry for anything…be it sad, angry or jus plain emotional. I am single rite now but one time i cried when my ex and i were kissing…and he didnt say anything about it till days later and he asked if he did something wrong when i told him no and explained his response over surprised me…his words “…made him feel more like a man to know that he could touch me in such a way to bring sweet tears to my eyes…i now understand the emotional connection to our love” That was not to manipulate him everytime im moved to remember that moment i know the tears were genuine and i could not resist shedding them…they gently caressed my face in the moment and he wiped them and it look at how it made him feel because i was being feminine and it felt damn good to feel that way and to know that i made him feel extra special as well. Thank You for revealing the femininity aspect to me hun…

  • Molly

    Reply Reply June 8, 2011

    I stumbled upon this site a few weeks ago and I have to say I especially relate to this article. For years I have been working on an advanced degree, putting my career first and the whole time failing miserably in relationships. Now that I am done, I realize how much I had to reject my femininity at times to accomplish my goals. It’s difficult to be feminine in academia because you’re looked down upon by other women if you don’t proclaim yourself a feminist and swear off men and marriage and motherhood. Having to compete with men does make women more like men and I feel so happy and so free to re-discover the full potential of my feminine energy and know that I can embrace it and still continue to be a strong person. I am glad that I found your blog because now I know that I’m not crazy for feeling this way. When I read I feel like I’m being reminded of what I always knew but lost sight of. I feel sorry for women who don’t know these things, but that just leaves more of the good, real men for us! ;)

  • antonia

    Reply Reply June 6, 2011

    You are so right when you state “consciously notice yourself when you are rejecting other women for being feminine or for being themselves. A huge warning sign! If you reject other women, or you judge them, you’re not being smart or superior, what you are really doing is dis-owning a part of yourself, and you’re not free. And what happens when you’re not free, is you cannot be feminine and you become tight, controlling and dead.”
    Its so strange that you wrote that because I could definitely relate indirectly to what you were saying because today I read an opinion of a woman who was bashing other women verbally for just being themselves. They women in question weren’t being “airheads” or making fools of themselves, they were just talking about how they felt much younger than they were and weren’t ready to be perceived as less than desirable or to be unimportant in society because they were no longer younger. That they still felt vibrant and weren’t ready to be some social stereotype of what an “older” woman should be. But the woman bashing them felt the women in the article were being absurd. I couldn’t help but think that the woman doing the bashing was very angry. That her anger at the women in the article was so unwarranted. I feel nothing is wrong with still wanting to be desirable and feel important at any age. That for the angry woman, there is something going on within her that she needs to address because her being judgmental and angry at other women for being themselves belies a deeper issue in relation to herself.

    • Asma

      Reply Reply June 10, 2011

      Love your post, Antonia. I have also been noticing that so many women do this. WHY? I love wearing pigtail braids. I have an oval face and I look like I’m a pixie because of my size lol. Instead of feeling depressed and whiney that I am not tall like the beautiful models, I accentuate my cuteness with clothes and accessories and yes, I do look young for my age and I accentuate that. I’ve read adn heard so much criticism that girls over nine should not wear pigtails because that’s like saying you need your mummy to cut the bread crust of your peanut butter sandwich for you. Good grief. I have been exasperated with over analyzing, “well educated” women to the brim these past few days. Since when did well educated (not a put down. I want a PHD myself) ever mean being so critical, harsh and negative? Whatever happened to looking at the best in things and people too? Makes me want to cry.

  • Louise

    Reply Reply June 6, 2011

    Oh, how much I love your articles!

    I felt related to this one because I tend to feel a lot (e.g. when I see an old man sitting alone in the park, a little child playing and smiling, or even my friends when we are together) and I’m easily moved. During the years, I have learnt to supress these feelings because people think I cry a lot and that’s childish. So there are occasions when I just block the feeling and lately I don’t find as much charm as I did before in small things.

    Sometimes my boyfriend tells me I’m too sensitive and that bothers him. But yes, I’ve noticed that supressing the way you really feel only takes you to feel nothing at all.

    So I think it’s better to cry when you feel like doing so than not having any feelings at all!

    Thank you for the great comments and reflections! I always love to read you. =)

  • Nico

    Reply Reply June 4, 2011

    This is my first visit to your site. I read this post and the ones on surrendering to masculine energy and how to be submissive with tears in my eyes. As a self-employed female who works with her husband and handles almost all aspects of the business and has for years I feel broken, used up and exhausted. I long to surrender to my husband. To have someone be strong for me if only for a moment or two. To protect and cherish me. To make me feel safe again. If that was ever in my husband’s nature (and I’m not sure it was) I have taken the cold, hard bitch route for so long I honestly fear I have broken him.

    If only I had known then that it was okay to be weak and vulnerable. That I didn’t have to fight tooth and nail I think maybe…. I don’t know. But you touched me and helped me see just how much of myself I have neglected. You have also helped explain why, as I told another man in my life just today, my soul died.

    I don’t know if this will come in time to save a marriage that has suffered a decade long battle for dominance but it will save me from making that mistake again. And possibly choosing a stronger mate in future. For tonight I surrender to the emotions raging inside of me. I accept the pain as part of growth. I’m going to let it be okay to be weak and needy. Honestly, I don’t feel it compromises my strong nature one little bit to do so either.

    Thanks to Katie below as well. I for one would LOVE more tips.

    • Renee

      Reply Reply June 4, 2011


      Thank You for for your comment and your trust in sharing, it means a lot.

      I just want you to know that you don’t have to be weak. It’s ok to FEEL weak, I’m sure we all have, but being feminine isn’t about being weak. I don’t think you interpreted it that way, but I had to put this out there.

      I am not a believer that nothing can be salvaged. It can. If you love your husband, which I know you do, it can be better in the future.


      • Nico

        Reply Reply June 4, 2011

        Thanks for the reply. You are correct. I knew you didn’t mean being a feminine women is being weak. We aren’t. We are strong and beautiful creatures. But we are emotional at times and where I used to let that be okay for me over the years I have denied my feeling in my struggle to “play” in a male dominated field. I tried to think and feel like them and I can’t. I’m not one.

        I remember being told that if you cry in business you are dead. I do believe that perception is accurate and tears at the workplace are a bad practice but how do you hide something onlysometimes? How do you NOT cry when you need to cry? The only way I managed was by shutting down. I just lost the on switch along the way….

        Loving this place btw. Thanks for the encouragement.

  • Katie

    Reply Reply June 4, 2011

    Once again you have provided another excellent “food for thought” topic, congrats!- and your insights and suggestions are brilliant as usual. This is such a huge topic that I don’t know where to begin.
    I suspect that the core of your article is how to appear more feminine. OK, if that’s what is is, let me suggest my humble opinion(s). Of course, I hope that “appearing” more feminine does not entail some sort of a superficial act or “fakeness”. Each woman should perhaps decide how much it suits her according to her personality or needs. What is certain is that people make subconscious decisions on “us” in the first few milliseconds upon meeting us. And it’s so true that it’s all too easy to just let ourselves go in this 21st century rat race madness. So here are a few tips or refreshers that I think will benefit many of us women that may have become all too complacent or even have been too distracted by our everydayness to think twice on how we should conduct ourselves as women or letting our femininity loose from bondage. So here goes: (tips from Katie on how to appear or let loss your felinity)

    -We should try to loosen up our upper bodies…by this I mean to make a conscious effort to pull up our torso with head up & back straight. Of course this may suggest that we may be flaunting our breasts, but hey, we are women and yes women have breasts! whether large or small, and should feel proud of them! Plus, women don’t slouch when sitting (or standing), men do.

    -As women, we subconsciously tilt our heads and shoulders in all sorts of strange ways, left, right, up, down, forward, back, etc… (loosen up our upper bodies). So go ahead, let that upper body loose and compliment what you’re saying by those girly upper body gestures.

    -Hands! A woman’s hand gestures I think is a huge overlooked concept. One of our secret powers as women is how we conduct ourselves with our hand gestures. Woman use their fingertips to handle objects, men just grab things! I think a woman’s hand gestures is an extension of her femininity. Be conscious of your hand gestures, always! And men subconsciously (or consciously) can get aroused by this hand dance. Another tip is to keeps those up-near your upper body or face.

    !-Ok, I know this reply is getting rather long but I feel that’s it’s important and I’d like like to share so next in line is:

    _Stroke yourself…that’s right, stroke yourself!- I know it sounds erotic but nothing is more feminine than lightly stroking your body limbs such as arms (and/or legs) as you’re having a conversation with men (or whomever). As women we are truly hopeless (hopefully hopeful!) romantics! Stroking not only says that I’m comfortable with myself but also in the presence of a man is that as a woman, yeah, I would really like it to be caressed similarly.

    OK ladies and Renee I know I’m rambling…could write a dissertation on this subject…. but I wanted to share at least some insights as to how to appear more feminine to some souls (including myself) who have not had the luxury of having mentors while younger to inspire me to some of these concepts. I look forward to replies and criticisms on my reply

    Love you all who care to be involved

    • Renee

      Reply Reply June 4, 2011

      Thank You lovely Katie! This (and you) are much appreciated for sharing.

      • Sharon

        Reply Reply May 10, 2013

        omgoodness Katie, thank you ~ you sweet thing! I love your suggestions!
        and even thinking about doing them made me feel softer sitting here ~

  • Chivz

    Reply Reply June 2, 2011

    great article renee! I love this one. It is true that some (not most) tends to reject their feminine side just so to cope up with a world / society that projects too much masculinity. The tendency here is that woman (who is supposed to be feminine) gets more masculine and gets confuse about how they should react as a woman with a feminine core.

  • Asma

    Reply Reply June 2, 2011

    Love this article, thank you Renee! :)

    I have been on the quest to discover what feminine energy is for a couple of years now. It’s interesting because there are other coaches out there that teach it and it can get confusing. While I always understood that femininity is all about your emotionality and authenticity, there are teachings out there that seem to get all this tangled up that make you become sick of your own emotions because the view seems to be skewed always to the negative. Then there are other teachings that teach that femininity is all about recieving and masculinity is all about giving so if you want to be truley feminine woman in your relationship with a man than he should do all of the giving whatever that may be. However, giving life, nurturing, caring for and mothering is all feminine. If you share any intellectual knowledge and stimulation than you are just becoming his teacher and that is not “attractive” to him because than he’ll only see you as a friend. There is only a specific template and specific set of topics to talk about, and that is you expressing your feelings in a certain template and him being invited to take care of that. It’s a very specific idea of femininity and can be very frustrating. I like Renee, how you mentioned “fake femininity” where rather the expression of true emotions can come out as trashy talk show drama instead and expectation of being weighed on hand and foot either physically or emotionally. I can’t help but become confused and frustrated because I end up not know what femininity is sometimes. Renee, your ideas are resonating with me a lot better so I will just stick to them of being authentic, non rigid yet also considerate about other people’s feelings as the best guide to stay in my feminine core. Sorry for rambling, my mind is just raveling and unraveling all the different teachings I’ve absorbed from different teachers these past years.

    • Renee

      Reply Reply June 2, 2011

      No sorries required here. I love you rambling. You always bring quality points and discussion.

      I hear you. My man and I don’t believe in masculinity being giving and femininity being receiving. Both energies give and receive – there isn’t an absolute.

      The whole idea of feminine energy being receiving and masculine energy being giving really angers me! my feeling is that this idea is one-dimensional.

      Femininity is about aliveness – whatever that is in the moment. It’s being who you are at your core, with the masks stripped away.

      • Asma

        Reply Reply June 2, 2011

        Hi Renee,

        your explanation has me so elated that I want to go and seduce a beautiful man! :0 Lol, in all seriousness though, thank you so much for your post and explaining wht femininity truly is. It really resonates with me. It just makes sense! Aliveness in the moment and unmasked. Simple, pure and totally true. Thank you also for the compliment, I really appreciate it. :) This is so much fun and liberating. I feel so happy and teary, YAY.

  • JP

    Reply Reply June 2, 2011

    I think I tap into my feminine energy every now and then, but its hard to stay there and live in it all the time. Something to work on for sure! I can sense what it is and how it feels to be there in my feminine self… it’s a very strong state, surprisingly enough. (so many people think feminine = weak) It’s happy, self assured, caring… almost motherly, real, and very honest in a disarmingly vulnerable way. Does that make sense? Idk. I do know that it feels very good to me, like who I am innately suppose to be. I feel very comfortable when I can be this way.

  • zigma pluto

    Reply Reply June 1, 2011

    I am really touched, Renee, that you did mention that there are men out there in the big bad world who make the emotionality of a woman wrong. Its exceptionally hard on a woman when the man she chose to be with acts like that with her ALL THE TIME. Renee, do you have any tools, tips or suggestions for such women, apart from leaving the man for good? I would also like to e mail you about a huge realtionship problem I have been facing for a while now, and it will be really great to get your advice on it, as I really appreciate your wisdom and way of thinking and living.I did try the feminine woman e mail, but it does;nt work. Thanks a lot in advance.

  • Stephenie

    Reply Reply June 1, 2011

    I liked the article. I have an older sister that was married and moved out before I was born. I grew up with 5 brothers. My parents wanted another boy but I was born. I also ended up 6 feet tall.

    I had no role models and being large was teased a lot when I tried to ‘be a girl’. This is one of the reasons I had asked if you could do an article or ten on mannerisms and how to hold ones self etc.I simply never learned it as a child.

    Growing up I was more of a tom boy as that was what was expected of me. Also my brothers played with me like I was a boy not a girl.

    This article truly hit home for me and even now at age fifty I have girlfriends that make fun of me for crying at movies or giggling ‘too much’. Thanks for the article again :)

    Anyhow, enough belly aching. Thanks again.


  • Yas

    Reply Reply June 1, 2011

    beautiful Renee, brought tears to my eyes xx

    • Renee

      Reply Reply June 1, 2011


  • Iris

    Reply Reply June 1, 2011

    Love, love, love it!!!! I really appreciate, own & breathe my femininity. Thanks for a much needed article. Most women/men do not recognize true femininity when they see it. Often they mistake it for being happy all the time or overly optimistic. Again thanks for a great article & confirmation;0)

    • Renee

      Reply Reply June 2, 2011

      Thanks Iris. Keep living and breathing your femnine energy. :)

  • Charlette

    Reply Reply June 1, 2011

    The article was perfectly timed!!! Last week I decided to leave work and go home. I was not at my best on this particular day and thought it better to go home. Well, my co-worker [male] happened to stop me in the parking lot and his demeanor and conversation sparked life in me. He then persuaded me to stay and work for the rest of the day. With no thought at all, I stayed the rest of the day, yet I felt embarrassed that I was so open to his persuasion. Your article helped me to see that I was rejecting the feminine in me. I am glad to have you share your womanly knowledge and I look forward to more articles. Keep this knowledge flowing!!!

  • Lever

    Reply Reply June 1, 2011

    This was painful and powerful; goodness! Thanks so much for posting it. I feel that in it? You’ve given so many women BACK their secret weapon, one that was stolen (from a certain generation of us) so long ago.

    • Renee

      Reply Reply June 1, 2011

      You’re welcome, Lever. Thank You!

  • Robin

    Reply Reply June 1, 2011

    Excellent Article. A link is posted on my website, I hope you don’t mind. ;-) Feminine energy and feminine grace are something we talk about a lot. These qualities are what draws men to us. Once you embrace it, become it, it is very powerful.

  • Mary

    Reply Reply May 31, 2011

    If a woman is in tune with her cycle that’s a great start for being more aware of her emotions and feelings. Most women are more extroverted two weeks after their cycle, and then become increasingly introverted with a heightened sensitivity a few days before and during their cycle. During this time it’s pretty hard to hide emotions, and masochistic to put yourself in trying situations! But most of us do because we’re not self-aware. When possible, I do not plan social events or anything of major importance during the introvert part of my cycle. It’s less stressful and I don’t have to strain to be polite or bite my tongue when I really just want to be alone.

  • Jordan

    Reply Reply May 31, 2011

    Lovely article! I really need to work on number three!!

  • Ahsinat

    Reply Reply May 31, 2011

    #2 struck really close to home. I have 7 female co-workers who try and tear me down in small, under the radar ways, everyday. I struggle to find the good in them because they’re so mean spirited toward me. So after reading your post, i’m left to wonder if i’m rejecting my mean spirited side? I definitely have it, I use it as a defense mechanism. And it rarely gets used because i’m usually caught off guard when someone is outright mean to me when i’ve been authentically nice to them.

    Maybe I need to bring out more of the mean spiritness in myself? That sounds so weird! Is this a characteristic that should be embraced? Is that a feminine quality? Is this why i cant seem to build strong bonds with other women? (Well besides my Grandmother!)

  • Katie

    Reply Reply May 31, 2011

    Thank you so much for #1, I really needed to hear it! Confirms that I can just relax and experience the attractive, masculine energy of the men in my life. I am blessed with some very masculine and attractive men figures and it is nice to know that just relaxing and being myself is enough :)

    And thank you for the body tip- so true! I did not realize it before but this is an excellent gage for receptivity to male energy. In fact, it happened to me today!

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