How to be the World’s Most Confident Woman
Alright, so that’s a big promise, I know, to be the most confident woman in the world, but I know it’s possible for you, otherwise I wouldn’t bother writing this.
Let me just ask you: what is life like without confidence? What is the quality of your relationship without confidence? What do you achieve in your life without confidence? How do you FEEL, on a day-to-day basis without confidence?
The answer is: crap. Confidence is everything. If you don’t have unshakable confidence, then you’ll probably never live your dreams. Not only that, you will find that a lack of confidence means you don’t offer much value as a woman. If you know my work, you know that I talk a lot about becoming a valuable woman, but that’s just too big a topic to delve in to here.
To put it simply: confidence is the difference between you getting what you want and deserve in life (whether it be that career or that special man) and you never, ever getting what you want and deserve.
Comfortable is not confident…
What you really want is to feel CERTAIN about who you are and what you stand for. We don’t want ‘comfortable’ here, we want confidence. Feeling comfortable with yourself is just not enough. Comfortable is another way of saying ‘yeah, I’m content, but as soon as something comes along that challenges me, I crumble.’
If you don’t learn to develop unshakable confidence, you can’t have the quality of relationship that you want, you can’t achieve your dreams, and without confidence, you tend to feel more jealous and depressed than other women.
I’m sure you would agree with me when I say that the feeling of jealousy and depression is an awful way to feel. Believe it or not, some people just get used to feeling this way, and they don’t know any different – but you really don’t want that. And I certainly don’t want you to feel this way!
Moment of truth: worse still, if you don’t learn how to build confidence, you’ll become less and less confident over the years, and you’ll lose that spark – that beautiful radiance that confident women have. I mean real confidence, not that in-your-face, fake-ass confidence and attention seeking that comes from a place of paralyzing fear. I’m talking real, authentic, feminine pride and confidence that just draws people to you like bees to honey and gets you what you want and deserve in life.
Just quickly, what do you think confidence really is? What makes a woman confident?
Confidence really is knowing that you have high worth. As well as knowing that you have value to add.
Confidence is a feeling of certainty that lies deep within you. Certainty that you are worthy, that you will do good and/or perform well.
Now, I just want to quickly mention that we all have scenarios and things that we feel more confident with. However, there will always be situations that crop up in your life where you don’t have the same level of confidence as you would in another area of your life.
The goal is not to have perfect confidence at all times, because as humans, we all fear that we are not enough; it’s just about whether we live there (in that state) or not.
I’m not going to tell you to engage in positive thinking, and to keep saying to yourself that you are capable, worthy and wonderful when you’re just ‘saying’ it, and it’s just words. You may be able to keep saying ‘I’m great at such and such’, or ‘I’m the best at such and such’, and it may work for a little while, but it’s not sustainable.
You need REASONS to feel confident. And more importantly, since confidence really is a feeling, you need to always be building up the feeling of confidence and draw out the confidence within you. This is what will give you a sustainable base to work with.
Confidence is built through pushing through what is uncomfortable. I don’t care whether you’re lacking confidence at work, or whether you lack confidence with men, it’s all about pushing through what is uncomfortable so that you become better.
For example, if you feel uncomfortable and insecure around beautiful women, and you tend to prefer hanging around women who are less pretty than you are because it feels comfortable, I suggest you go and find some very attractive women to hang around. Plus, don’t forget, we become who we spend our time with.
Let me ask you this: how confident are you that you can brush your teeth every night? Do you worry that you might drop the toothbrush or brush the wrong way or brush your eye instead?
What about putting on your bra?
What about tying your shoelaces? How confident are you with these things?
The reason you feel confident doing these things is because you’ve done it so many times that you don’t even think about it. Serena Williams is totally confident hitting a ball with her tennis racquet and getting it over the net, but somebody else may not be as confident with it because they’ve never really done it before.
Here’s what you need to do…
So here’s what I want you to do: right now I want you to pick only 1 area of your life and work on becoming more confident in this area, because here’s how life works: the more confident you are in one area in your life, the easier it is for that confidence to spread and influence your confidence in other areas of your life.
It’s much harder to be confident in 100 different things than just one single area of your life. You just don’t have the time or energy or focus on becoming really confident in 100 different things.
So we need to start with one area. It could be small, as small as tying your shoe laces (for all those who don’t know…) or it could be as big as a complex dance routine.
We need to master it, because it’s through mastery that we get to realize our own ability and confidence. And the way we’re going to master it is through learning and taking action. Learn everything you can about it and take action so that you become competent and confident at it.
If it’s putting on make-up for example, I suggest you look on YouTube for videos that will show you how to be great at putting your make up on. And then, actually put your make up on and try different looks. (read my article about going without make up)
If it’s being confident speaking to people and making friends, I suggest you study communication, but MORE importantly, actually go out and start speaking to people – ANYONE, even the check-out chick or the bartender or the old man next door, to get you uncomfortable, and so that you practice connecting with people.
Confidence is you knowing that you CAN – even on a bad day. And that comes with practice and repetition.
Once you become absolutely confident in something – just one thing even, however small, that sense of certainty you develop inside of you and that confidence will transfer to other areas of your life. You’ll realize that you have more confidence inside of you and you can draw it out during times when you really need it.
By the way, I am sure there are dozens of things you’re confident with right now, this moment. But the reason why you’re not as confident as you deserve to be or want to be is because you’re not focusing on them.
So here’s How…
So let’s do a quick exercise.
Get out a piece of paper. I want you to write down everything that you can do confidently. I mean everything you can think of.
I really mean, everything, like…your ability to walk confidently without tripping over, or your ability to swim 20 meters without drowning. Maybe you can do a particular dance move, maybe you can cook a certain dish better than anyone else, maybe you know a little magic trick that brings a smile to people’s faces every time you perform it, you probably have many other skills that you have forgotten about.
I want you to keep writing and don’t stop for at least 10 minutes. Whenever you finish writing something, think of something else and write it down.
Go now and don’t read the rest until you come back. (I’ll hold you to it!)
Ok, welcome back. Now this will be your list that you will draw your confidence from. I want you to add to this list whenever you can and anytime you don’t feel as confident as you wish to – bring this list out and read every single item on the list back to yourself.
Go through the whole list again and again and draw out the confidence that you have within you.
And remember this confidence list is something that is ever growing, it doesn’t stay stagnant. And if you just keep adding to it a few times a week, you’ll realise very soon that you’ll become much more confident overall in every single area of your life.
And one final tip I have for you is this: I am aware that some of us don’t allow ourselves the feeling of confidence even when we deserve it.
So here is the final thing I want you to do:
drop your rules. The more rules you have for feeling confident about something, the less confident you will feel. For example, you may have the rule that you have to be having a ‘good day’, and FEEL radiant and beautiful before you will allow yourself to feel confident. This is not sustainable! In fact, by feeling confident, you actually become that radiant! (read my article about the power of femininity)
Some people have the rule that they cannot feel entirely confident about something until they’ve done it 100 times. Some people feel confident about something after doing it well just once.
If you want to give yourself the gift of being confident, allow yourself to feel confident with something as soon as possible, and even when you think you “shouldn’t” be confident. Always refer back to your list and draw out the confidence you have within you.
Ok, that’s it for now. Please leave a comment below, sharing with us what you have learnt, and letting us know of your tips for becoming more confident!
By the way, can I ask you a quick favor? if you got anything out of this post, please ‘like’ it on Facebook or share it with a precious friend. Thank You.