There’s no Such Thing as a Home-wrecker

There’s no Such Thing as a Home-wrecker

There’s no Such Thing as a Home-Wrecker

It always disappoints yet amazes me the number of women and men who blame and hate on “the other woman” or “the other man”. Yes, affairs and cheating are heart-breaking, and for most couples, it’s the kiss of death.

It makes me cringe when I hear of the wife or girlfriend screaming at the other woman, blaming her, and asking how could she/he do this!? Don’t they have any respect? What normal person with morals would tempt a husband or wife?

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Though I understand the pain of being cheated on (I’ve been through it myself), and I can understand that in those moments of vulnerability and pain, that we want to lash out at the “other woman”, it’s actually got nothing to do with the other woman.

There is no such thing as a home-wrecker simply because if a third party can enter the relationship bubble, then your relationship was weak to start off with. There is no such thing as a home-wrecker because if it was all based on another person ‘tempting’ our partner, or entering our partner’s proximity with bad intentions, then no relationship would ever work out, and we might as well never have an intimate relationship, and they would never be worth it, and we could all remain single. (read my article about if you keep doing this you will always be single)

This is like constantly fearing you’re going to be robbed. Imagine what this would do to your state of mind. You may not always actively worry about someone stealing your man, but if underneath you have the idea that other women are threats to you, then your whole world is going to be unbalanced, and you will ultimately experience suffering within yourself and in your relationship.

Tell me, what exactly is the point of being in an intimate relationship if other people can threaten your position as husband/wife or girlfriend/boyfriend so easily?

The problem is that a lot of women fear the apparently more attractive woman having the ability to take their man. Take a look at the brouhaha surrounding Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt.

It’s easy for women to look at another woman, and think that her beauty, status and enchanting disposition are a threat. Then the jealousy ensues…..and the controlling behavior surfaces…..and worse still; women start to cause themselves suffering and pain. Regardless of whether or not someone like Angelina Jolie or the gorgeous girl next door have bad intentions with your husband or boyfriend, a successful and passionate relationship will thrive and remain strong.

I understand that another woman disrespecting your position as girlfriend or wife is disappointing, and yes, a lot of women do get a big rush from seeing if they can steal a man from a woman, and this is not right. I’m not making this behavior OK.

However, it’s ultimately about the relationship, and the man you are in a relationship with. It’s his decision to value the relationship. It’s his perception and values that matter in this situation. As soon as you blame the other woman, not only is this not classy, it completely strips you of your power as a woman. Power to learn and grow and do what’s best for your relationship. If you blame a third party for something that is ultimately your own responsibility – your relationship – then all hope is gone. You are supposed to have the power in a relationship, not a third party. A woman who knows the power of femininity knows this.

Other women are simply not threats and should not be to a loving and passionate relationship where there is a lot of attraction already. Ultimately, if we choose to see other people as a threat to our special relationship, then we cannot be empowered. We cannot do anything about it, and we’ll end up in disappointment.

Hint: know who you are in a relationship with. Don’t get in to a relationship with somebody whom you know doesn’t value their relationship as number one.

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Do you think the notion of a home wrecker is an out-of-date idea?


  • You are very young. There really is a big difference between a relationship and a marriage. Eventually every marriage has to reach a companionship stage, but not every relationship moves beyond the superficialities of sex and that feeling of being in love. Some men and women walk away when the thrill is gone, and some realize there is a thrill in what tomorrow may bring. One must choose to stay in a marriage and no one can judge a woman or a man who decides to not divorce. Too many people have relationship-ADHD. You are very young. You are making abstract points that do not matter in the hard work of getting from a relationship to a marriage and then realizing after 25 years that being able to sit in the living room and take turns yelling at the television is about as good as not yelling at each other. You are young.

  • Melanie

    Whilst the responsibility absolutely lies with the man and the quality of your relationship is the responsibility of both partners, please don’t deny the fact that some women will move in on men who may, at a weak moment, give in to temptation. Most wives will be nervous about this kind of woman because every marriage has days of doubt and uncertainty. My best friend of many years is one such person and she is an absolute master at moving in on any bloke and making herself sexually available as well as undermining the wife because the wife doesn’t give her man what he needs. She does it with my husband which is futile because my husband wouldn’t cheat, at least not with her. But the act of trying is breathtakingly vicious. Our friendship is over because of her predatory behaviour, she has slept with 5 married or partnered men in recent years and is having an ongoing affair with a man who I think does love his wife but is a weak bastard. It infuriates me that his wife is being demeaned by both of them.