7 Keys to Becoming a Classy Woman

7 Keys to Becoming a Classy Woman

Traditionally, classy means to be stylish and elegant; respectable and lovely. However, I find the traditional definition and ideas of how to be classy can be slightly limiting, depending on how you interpret it.

So let’s re-define classy in a better way: a genuine, feminine and high quality woman who holds herself and thinks of herself highly regardless of what life circumstances may present, and despite what other people may think. A classy woman does not judge herself regardless of what mistakes she might make and knows that aiming for perfection is really failure because it is just a way to beat yourself up inside. Moreover, because of these attributes, a classy woman can handle all social situations and conversation with confidence. (Click here to take the quiz “How High Value High Status Am I on Facebook?”)

That being said, here are the 7 Keys to becoming a classy woman.

1) You should start by being a high quality woman and projecting (marketing) yourself as such.

What is classy is special. Classy is something you don’t get on your average street corner. However, the reason high class women are so rare is because most women give trash. The reason they give trash is because they think trash (about themselves and others), talk trash, and habitually focus on trash.

You cannot be high class if you don’t THINK you are high class. You have to start by believing you are top stuff. (If you’re wondering how to do that, please see the next dot-point). It’s your job to market what you have, and to market yourself, you have to believe you are It.

If you don’t think marketing yourself is important, then I must tell you that you could be the best woman around – loyal, sweet, dynamic – and people wouldn’t have a clue. Marketing yourself doesn’t mean to yell and shout about yourself (far from it). Marketing yourself – is all about holding yourself highly, and acting so (impeccable self-respect, NOT carelessness). There’s a difference. For example, the difference between making a mistake and “not giving a ****” and making a mistake, acknowledging it, and proceeding to move on and do better. The former is about the woman having little regard for herself, and the latter is all about her valuing herself and others. (read my article about the quick contrast of light and dark feminine)

A high quality woman is a woman of value and a woman of value is one who values the happiness of others, and who is considerate. People will rarely perceive real value in you unless you give THEM something. Think of what a typical low value and low quality woman looks and acts like. Usually, this kind of woman is so significance-driven that she is habitually unable to listen, to care for or to help others. Typically, this kind of woman makes you cringe because she gives the female gender a bad name. She may even frustrate you with anger because you simply can’t get a word in and let’s face it, it’s HARD being around someone who doesn’t care about you at all.

A woman of low value has such a low sense of self-worth that it’s impossible for her to perceive what life is like from another angle. She’s too in to herself! It’s very much a case of ‘the empty vessel makes the most noise’.

Here is what a high quality woman is NOT: She is not someone who is constantly sucking value from others.

2) Develop rituals that support your sense or self-worth.

As I stated above, a classy woman is a woman with a high sense of self-worth and who also projects herself that way. And high self-worth only comes from knowing you are worthy.

However – you can only truly know, and feel, with certainty that you are worthy when you DO enough, ACCOMPLISH enough, and GIVE enough (to yourself and others) that you have little choice but to give yourself utmost respect. (read my article about do beautiful woman intimidate men)

If you think I’m talking about accomplishments in the traditional ‘career’ sense that this world so encourages for women, you’re wrong. This is not a true, lasting accomplishment. I’m talking about emotional fitness: a woman who can hold her own yet give her heart in the face of grave fears.

So – develop rituals: whether that be a daily practice of gratitude, A daily resolve to push a little further on your spiritual path with your spouse or your children, a daily practice of viewing life as a playground rather than a battleground and looking for the evidence to support that belief, a daily ritual of giving love rather than judgments – it’s up to you.

These rituals are a way to make you actually feel great about yourself. Not just empty self-talk. And have you ever been in a group of women and one was crying over a tragedy (being lied to by a man or something) and all the girls are saying “don’t worry honey, you can get anyone you want – he’s just a slag”. Well, this is mostly useless because most women in this situation don’t make any changes – and just then proceed to think trash. You must to think GOLD thoughts to become Gold.

Example: you can use this as a measure of your sense of self-worth and confidence: If you were dropped in the middle of a daunting social situation, say, the red carpet tomorrow in among the most respected, poised and famous leaders, philanthropists, business men and women, actresses, designers, etc – would you be comfortable, and looking forward to the event? Would you believe that you too, have something of value to bring to the occasion?

3) A high class woman rarely loses her cool.

There are, of course, situations in which a woman will feel and seem crazy, needs to raise her voice and get angry and that is fine. You don’t want to be one-dimensional.

However, the point here is not to just not lose your cool, or not to have anger, it’s about having the mindset that allows you to move forward and not damage things with people unnecessarily because of your need to feel better and significant in a moment, in a misunderstanding with someone who means a lot to you, or any other difficult situation.

This is about a confidence in yourself to be able to handle anything that happens. I know this is not easy, because sometimes, we feel very uncertain, vulnerable, lost, unloved, hurt, shocked, and overwhelmed. We all have those moments – but remember, it is what you do about it, most of the time (not some of the time) that counts. (Please see dot point 2 for a strategy on what to do). It really goes back to valuing yourself.

4) Great Posture.

Probably one of the most important attributes a classy woman must have is great posture. I’ve done a video and post on posture (with the help of my Hero, my Man, David). You can see it here: 3 Steps to Good Posture Instantly. The reason posture is so important is because it affects how others perceive you a lot more than you could imagine. If a woman holds herself highly, she usually has great posture and people are drawn to this. It’s one of the quickest, fastest and best ways to market yourself and to feel better about yourself. As humans, we are all drawn to people or things that seem to be of high value, and to humans who project themselves as high value.

We want the best because it means a better experience, a better quality of life, more safety (at a primal level, mostly in our subconscious).

If a woman walks around with her shoulders slumped, people subconsciously pick up on this energy! I promise you! Even if they don’t consciously know your posture is bad. Go check out the video now. Go! Here it is again: How to get good posture.

5) Authenticity, authenticity, AUTHENTICITY.

Contrary to popular belief, being classy and elegant isn’t about “self-control” or holding things in. It’s not about being a stoic.

Always be authentic. You could have just lost a dear family member, your dog could have gotten run over, you could have had a big issue with your best friend, you could be down about losing your job, or just life’s problems, and that is all fine – as long as you are authentic.

A classy woman doesn’t fake happiness. This is false advertising, and false marketing! You can be grieving, or experiencing emotional suffering, and still be classy. All you have to do is acknowledge the pain, perhaps share your feelings with others, but still hold yourself with grace and poise.

To actually be authentic, you must value being authentic more than you value having another kind of ‘identity’. This identity problem consumes a lot of us women. For example, a lot of women are actually feeling hurt at a given time but pretend to be the happy mother, friend or wife, because they don’t want to have the identity of being silly or overly sensitive (in this masculine world, we tend to look down on a woman’s natural and biological gift of emotions – and our ability to feel these emotions for an extended period of time).

Drop the identity thing and go for authenticity. Authenticity rules over anything. More than ever now, people are starting to want what is real. Secretly, deep down (behind the masks that many of us put up) I think we all prefer to be around what is real. In the old days, it was a lot about ‘show’ and keeping ‘face’. Now, things are becoming more transparent. Also, we are sick of living in a fast-paced environment where people are always climbing the corporate ladder, valuing ‘things’ or money, and we want people who are clear rather than obscure.

6) Be True to Yourself

You cannot be classy unless you are true to yourself, so stay true to your feminine core and be OK being a woman. Don’t view having long hair as a drag, put the effort in to looking pretty and beautiful – women are supposed to look and more importantly, be attractive. This is only going to happen when you exude femininity, however.

It’s not about wanting to change what you’ve been given, or being superficial, it’s simply about taking pride in your femininity and your appearance. (Click here to take the quiz on “How Feminine Am I Actually?”)

Many younger as well as middle-aged women simply let themselves go. In other words, they start to value themselves less. They get fat, stop combing or styling their hair nicely (or cut it in to a short style that their husband hates), stop making the time to exercise, eat well or socialize.

Letting your appearance go can sometimes be a tell tale sign that you habitually feel bad about yourself, your life. or that you don’t care about yourself, which negates class.

Aging is not an issue for a classy woman. Age can and often does do wonderful things for a woman – including giving her added class, if she loves herself. Meryl Streep is a prime example.

Hint: Here is what classy is not: it’s not about having money. Look at Paris Hilton! Or perhaps Amy Winehouse. Enough said.

7) Dress modestly where it fits.

Don’t turn up to a classy function with your breasts overflowing. I have noticed that a lot of women use their large breast size as an excuse for not being able to keep them out-of-view. Regardless of breast size, small or large – a woman can choose to put them on show or not. (read my article about dressing feminine in the workplace)

Don’t turn up to your father’s 50th in a backless dress with plunging neck-line and a hem that barely passes your hip bone.

At certain times, or on certain occasions (social or private), it’s fine to show leg or cleavage. However, you must have the awareness and self-respect to judge correctly. And for most women, it’s not a matter of stupidity or ignorance of dress code, either. It’s really a matter of: how desperate are you for attention? Even if only subconsciously. How sure are you that you are valuable as a woman without revealing everything? How small do you really feel inside?

If a woman has a nice figure, (nice legs, breasts, bum) – people can actually tell, even if you’re wearing a turtle neck and tracksuit pants! Even if you’re wearing a paper bag! It’s just that it may not be as “eye-catching” because the vie for attention isn’t so obvious.

Make sure there are some nicely tailored dresses and pants in your wardrobe that are form-fitting, well-made and good quality. Even if you can only afford one or two pieces. It’s worth it.

Below is a list of women whose style and mannerisms you could choose to model. The best way to start dressing classy is to choose someone you identify with and see what she wears. Carefully observe the posture on these women!

Here are some possible examples of women with class:

Catherin Zeta-Jones

Meryl Streep

Kate Middleton

Michelle Pfeiffer

Natalie Portman

Nicole Kidman

Michelle Obama

Lucy Liu

Drew Barrymore

Julianne Moore

Rachel McAdams

Vanessa Paradis

You 😉

One final note: please remember that as a classy woman, you have the audacity to contribute to, as well as care for, those women who you perceive as less classy. Being classy is not about excluding people.

If you haven’t downloaded my Goddess Report… click here to do so.

What do you think makes a woman classy? Please add your thoughts and advice in the comments section for what makes a classy woman so that we can learn from you. Peace and Love -XxX-

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  • Hanna

    My god, this was soo inspiring, Thank you so much for sharing, really wow!

  • mimi

    Thank you for the wonderful article!! Really inspiring. 🙂

  • monicarobinson2

    I stumbled on this article and found it muy interesante!

  • Linda Jensen

    I always knew I was that something special…..A Classy Lady

  • Liza

    Renee, you have some of the best articles and advice on all of the internet. Kudos for another point on article.

  • Gaily

    Hi Renee, I just recently found this site and I’ve learned so much from it! Thank you for taking the time for writing these wonderful articles. It makes me so happy that there’s someone like you out there. You’re truly a beautiful woman and I admire you a lot. :’)

    • Renee

      Hey Gaily! (Beautiful name)
      Thank You for your kindness! And I admire YOU for reaching out.
      -XxX-

  • female intuition

    keys to being a classy woman,,is BEING YOURSELF! without toxic people near you,getting better and NOT BITTER,,knowing what u are as a woman,,knowing happiness lies within ur self,,and not a man,,or a baby! dropping emotional baggage,learning how to move on past old hurts,,u will never forget,,but if u forget to think with ur brain instead of ur heart then maybee ya may have a tough time being a classy lady.

    • butterflyuncaterpilla

      *speech !*

  • Emily

    I have read a few articles here after discovering the site a couple of hours ago. I do find it really very insulting though, that you claim a woman should have long hair. I am 20, and had long hair for most of my life, but in the last 3 I have had it cut very short, and even shaved at some points in time. Guys tell me they love my short hair, and that they find it very attractive.

    I view myself as an intelligent, attractive, confident young woman, and I have nothing to hide from the world. I am proud of who I am. And I don’t need long hair to be a lady.

    • Renee

      Hey Emily,

      Thanks for your comment. Indeed, you don’t need long hair to be a lady. Or to be feminine. See my post ‘what is femininity’ where I address this.
      I believe you have misinterpreted my point. I never said a woman SHOULD have long hair. In fact, in the list of classy women, I include Natalie Portman who has had her head shaved at some point in her acting career, and she was still very much a lady.
      My point was about women losing value for themselves – “a short style that their husband hates”. Some women simply stop caring about being attractive (some perhaps feel there’s no point, they lose interest in life, etc). They stop caring about what their husband likes, etc. It’s not about the shortness, but the reason it’s cut. A lot of women fall for this idea perpetrated by the Feminist camp saying that they can’t have long hair after 40.
      Some women are very attractive with short hair. Audrey Hepburn even had her gorgeous short style, which looked fabulous.
      Whatever makes a woman feel attractive and feminine (if she naturally prefers to carry feminine energy, which is most women).

  • I just found your blog and wanted to give a big thank you for this post Renee. In the modern world this blog is truly a breath of fresh air.

  • andre

    Ladies,

    This post is interesting, but…

    It’s missing a few items: classy women, if there is such a thing, know themselves. I do not refer to book knowledge now, I refer to self-knowledge. A woman without the knowledge of self does not really have a basis for action.(Think about it for a moment). Second, classy types know something about the world, for example Narcissism, what it means, its dangers and what this blog seems to be really about, for the most part. That is my humble opinion of course, and a man’s to boot. I may be wrong, but what do you girls think?

    • Liza

      I do believe you are right. A “classy” woman isn’t interested in what her class is. She knows herself, sets her boundaries for herself, and yet allows others to be who they are without ridicule from her. She sees the realities without looking down on others but judges her own behaviors only. Just my thought.

  • Rebecca

    Thank you so much for your post Renee, I especially appreciated your thoughts on authenticity. It’s so funny, just over Christmas some girlfriends and I were sharing on this exact topic of authenticity. I think you really are onto something in noting how much people want to see authentic people.

    I hope you and the community here don’t mind, but, one of my friends sent me a link to a talk done regarding shame and authenticity in women. It’s very good, it’s not my web site, but, it impacted the three of us a great deal, and it seems so on topic that I thought I would post it here in my comment; anyone can view it at the TED archives, a free educational video web site. Dr. Brene Brown is a social worker in the U.S. http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

  • VolleyGirl

    Classy = reputation, elegance, poise, intelligence, adaptability, self – respect among other things. Nowadays it’s hard to see classy women.

    • Harry

      Hate to intrude, but when it comes to reputation there are plenty of trashy women who are only too ready to form an instant coven from which they will do and say anything they can, backing one another up in the process, to trash someone else they see as being on, you might say, a higher plane. And they are as likely as not to do this selectively, like jackals feeding on gazelles.

  • Uschi

    Michelle Obama is NOT A CLASSY WOMAN. She is TRASH.

    • Sachmet

      Hi Uschi,

      could you expand a bit on this rather harsh assessment? I do not know if Michelle Obama is classy but if she were trash, I think her husband would not have been elected president.

      • Klo

        In my opinion I think she looks and carries herself as classy, but however I think her action speak louder than worlds. How are you going to be the first lady and put down the country you live in? I have always been proud of my country, and that’s classy!

    • Kaikou

      I like how instantly someone comes and counters the very essence of this post. Calling anyone trash is not classy, especially online via anonymous forum – nothing but cowardly.

      • ITA with you Kaikou. But rather than engage, it’s best to respond with kind demonstrations of class.

    • Chulito

      People tend to idolize the image of a person therefore finding it hard to discern who they truly are. Uschi has it right! Michelle Obama, regardless who she is or represents, is not a classy lady. She demonstrates class for the camera sake, but off camera her true character is bossy, commanding, rude, hateful and discriminatory toward white people [more so before husband was elected to office]. Jackie Kennedy should be on the list. Joyce Meyers also. Classy is being knowledgeable about truths and being truthful. Ignorance is not classy. Living with your head in the sand is not classy. This remark goes for those who refuted Uschi’s comment.

    • Liza

      I believe this can be a lesson on what a classy would not say. It shows disrespect and is the opposite of what “class” really is.

    • Bea

      Interesting. She is the only African American on the list. Could that be why?

      • Rochelle

        The bias is could be politically or racially driven, because I am too I am wondering how some people are so positive about how Michelle Obama is off camera, and not the rest on the list., when they never met her. Either way she does come of as a very confident and classy woman to me. And it looks like she has really supported and nurtured her husband in growing and vice versa.

  • Great post! I really love the part about valuing yourself, and knowing your importance. I know I need to work on this! And the example of visualizing yourself suddenly on the red carpet…how many of us would really feel comfortable or excited there? That we would feel we’re as valuable as those surrounding us? Not many…and yet, we all should.

    Thank you for another thoughtful and enlightening post, Renee!

  • Manda

    I think humility in everyday life is a major part of being classy. Not just dressing modestly, but acting modest and not feeling the need to boast about your accomplishments or go around telling people how “hot” someone said you were. Actions speak louder than words and if you are a high-quality woman, people will be able to tell by your actions and you won’t need to go around telling people how amazing you are (nor will you feel the need to).

    I am so glad you mentioned authenticity because it seems in most cases when we are given advice on how to be classy, part of that includes always “keeping your cool.” But like you said, most of us are drawn to people who are genuine, and being able to express our emotions in healthy ways is a key part of being feminine. Not to mention, I think guys secretly love it when we express emotions that might be considered “silly” because it brings out their protective instincts 😉

  • May

    Fantastic ideas ladies! Someone once said that to be a noble man, you need to treat a servant like a prince and a prince like a servant. This probably refers to women as well!!!

  • maggiet

    In my view being classy is about making people feel comfortable around you whether you go up or down on the social ladder you must make people feel good about themselves. If you look down on people they will feel awful about themselves and that is not the behaviour of a classy woman. The clothes and posture are important but the attitude is everything. This is really a question of developing a caring and empathetic personality. Silp has hit the nail on the head when she says that nobility is lies in the way you treat other people.
    Money cannot buy this nor can background as you so rightly pointed out. We can all be the classy woman if we just learn to put ourselves in other peoples shoes and show concern and interest authentically.

  • Ruthie

    Thanks for the nice post.
    I have learnt how to pose as part of being classy.
    Keep up the good work.

  • Classy to me also includes the way you treat other people something you touched upon. People who may not necessarily be trashy, but poorer, less confident, less sophisticated etc.

    Somebody said nobility lies in the way you treat other people and this to me rings true.

    And of course, unclassy is certainly the inherint negative attitude that some people have to life.

  • Tope

    Hi Renee

    Thanks so much for this post. it is packaged with lots of powerful insights and just reading through addresses a core desire in me to be classy.

    Thanks i treasure this article so much. Keep up the good work.

    Wishing you all a nice vacation.