How to Solve a Relationship Problem

There’s a lot of relationship advice on this blog, and there are a number of forums, blogs and websites out there that aim to give you answers about your most pressing relationship questions, life questions and aim to solve your relationship problems.

When a woman is stuck, doesn’t know what to do (none of us are really taught how to relate to others), if she has no quality advice or guidance from the people in her life, the internet is often a logical and quick solution. But here’s the truth: no knowledge or information out there is going to be the actual catalyst to better your situation. You are. It’s all fine to say you ‘know’ something – but knowing it intellectually is absolutely useless. Knowing it is doing it. Resources are fantastic – we all want them – but different people use them differently – or not at all.

In the dating and relationships arena, where everyone has an opinion, where there are a number of discussions going on, and advices offered – you absolutely must know the following absolute truth:

There are very few absolute truths in relationships. There are very few absolute truths in life.

Whatever advice you read, always question it. Apart from my advice, of course (Just kidding). And by question I don’t mean treat it with suspicion (although this has its place sometimes, too) – I mean, always build your own mental puzzles. Always reflect. For example, if a source says you should never sleep with a man before the third date or on the first date (many sources do), and that this is a huge mistake – but you’ve done it, and things aren’t going so well in your new relationship at the moment, it’s easy to attribute it to the fact that you slept with him too early. It’s easy to just start going nuts and to drown yourself in regret, but the truth is – it’s very possible that that is not actually the reason things aren’t working out so well.

Don’t let external sources derail your focus. No-one knows your relationship as well as you do. No one knows you situation as well as you do. Build your own mental puzzles and come to your own solutions with the help of books, courses, other people, life experience and whatever else you want.

Another example: say a source says that you shouldn’t ask a man where your relationship is going – and you have; what do you do then? Drown yourself in regret and worry? No no no…..no. Even if it feels like that in itself caused problems. Even if this advice is sound. Even if it might be true; doesn’t mean it’s true in your situation, and doesn’t mean you have to fall on your knees and think there’s no hope for you. Moreover, even if everyone is telling you you shouldn’t have done this or shouldn’t have done that – doesn’t mean it has to be true for you.

It’s like women saying all men cheat. Well, what about John Wooden? Who stayed with his one woman Nellie for 59 years, and vowed to keep his devotion to her – (even after her death), and wrote a love letter to her each month on the anniversary of her death, and placed it under her pillow?

Well, that throws that statement out the door, doesn’t it?!

Again, there are very few absolute truths in life.

So…..exactly what do you do when you encounter a relationship problem?

Here is what you need to do: ask better questions. The answers are not in the answers, they’re in the questions.

Example? Sure. When your man is not being attentive, and doesn’t seem to give you the attention you’re wanting, instead of asking why the hell he is not in tune with you and doesn’t care about you; instead of asking what’s wrong because you’re so pretty and nice and why would he treat you like this, and instead of throwing in the towel or acting pitiful (hey, we’ve all done it) – ask yourself: what would be a better way to get his attention in a way that serves both myself and him? Better still, seek some understanding of what life is like in his shoes.

When things go wrong, when you feel like you’ve made a mistake, and especially when and if you start mulling over every action you’ve taken with a man, and wondering where you went wrong – just stop. Pick yourself up and keep moving forward. Keep asking better questions.

Apart from that, keep your faith and hope. Relationships can be so taxing, confusing, complicated, painful and tiring. Yet, hope is everywhere, if you will just see it. And finally, read this blog – because readers of this blog are hot

On that note, I wanted to ask you a question: can you think of any absolute truths? What do you consider to be an absolute truths when dealing with men or in life? Something that you cannot argue with?

-XxX-

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