The Dark Side of Femininity
If you consult any source specifically about Femininity, or any dating sources that discuss the importance of a woman’s femininity, you will find they teach that Femininity is soft, gentle kind, innocent and caring. Whilst femininity certainly comprises these things – most people consider only the Light side of Femininity.
Think good housewives, think princesses; we’re taught to be a good person from when we’re kids – but sometimes this is all just not enough to attract the man we want.
The reality is that there is so much more to Femininity! Traditional ideas and concepts of femininity confine women to a particular way of acting. Hence for many women, they find that they are not at home being this ‘dark’ facet of the Feminine.
To be blunt, you need to be both dark and light, to survive in this world. How many times have we heard of stories of a goodie-two-shoes girlfriend, staying at home whilst the boyfriend cheats on her behind her back?
Being a nice girl is simply not enough. It may be a pleasant experience for a while, but guys will get sick of you.
What you need to do is to tap into the darkness of your femininity. Dark and light exists in both masculinity and femininity. There is a Dark and Light Feminine, and there is also Dark and Light Masculine.
Feminine energy is an absolutely phenomenal gift – both for women to experience within themselves, and for the men and women around them to behold. As such, it frustrates me much for people to think only of the girlish and innocent side of the Feminine.
This may sound bizarre and slightly ‘new age’, but there is more to you than most of us think, believe acknowledge or understand. Many of us reject something within ourselves or within others if it doesn’t fit a particular mold, or if it doesn’t suit who they have shown up to be over the years. What happens then is that you are locked in to one way of doing things. This ultimately leaves both men and women completely dissatisfied and unfulfilled.
For example, You are never simply just a mother, a daughter or a best friend. You are also a lover, a chef (if this is a part of you), and many other things.
The majority of women are unaware of the Light and Dark Feminine and how liberating it will be for them to embrace both. They are also unaware of how the Light and Dark energies work, as well as how each one attracts and fulfills a man, or how absolutely crucial these two facets of femininity are in an intimate relationship.
Some men and women feel ultimately dissatisfied and even leave their spouse because of the very restrictions that being one ‘type’ of femininity or masculinity causes. It confines an otherwise beautiful and passionate relationship to boredom, and ultimately, either one or both partners will feel unfulfilled at best, and/or lose interest in their spouse at the worst!
Dark and Light Feminine The Program………
By the way, I am nearly finished a New Program called ‘Dark and Light Feminine’. As I approach the final chapters, I am extremely excited for the release of this new program!!
I am also interested to know what questions you may have about Dark and Light Femininity, and what you would like to see covered in this comprehensive Program. It will be released within the next 4 weeks and will delve deeply in to how to discover and embody the light and dark side of your femininity, as well as how to attract the light and dark masculine either in your current man or in a future man. I will also be releasing more information about Dark and Light Feminine – the Program, and what it will cover in each module/section prior to the Release date.
So, please leave a comment below this post telling me about your thoughts, opinions, or concerns (any concerns or confusions are welcome) about Femininity, being a woman, about men, or your relationship. I want to make this program as comprehensive as possible for you.
Lots of Love and Femininity,
Renee.
Click Here to learn more about Dark and Light Femininity (The Secret to Keeping His Attention and Fascination for Life!)
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Tags: Dark And Light, dark and light feminine, dark feminine, dark femininity, light vs dark, One dimensional



Leave A Reply (26 comments so far)
Ash
572 days ago
this is interesting. i know many of these comments are old but i wanted to just say, i can relate to this well. im 24 now. i remember being 19 years old writing in my journal, which i still have, about being confused with this duality i always felt..i felt like both the vixen and the sweetness. i genuinely was confused in deciding “WHICH one am I”? and this made me realize i am both, in truth. i was always more the creative, darker kind of feminine though. i never realized that this vixen side wasnt me being rebellious against the sweetness, it really was a very real side of femininity. i have always been a more creative, dreamy type of individual…more hope sandoval or demir lara parrot than jessica simpson. and i always feel more alive when i am residing in this side of femininity. i think that my creative energy and feminine energy are greatly intertwined. when i am expressing myself creatively i feel most alive as a woman. i also realize that when i being my authentic self in this darker feminine energy, i am far more captivating to people around me. it reminds me of a quote from the book “captivating” by stasi elderedge…”beauty flows from a heart at rest”. when i stop striving to be a contrived idea of feminine and start just being true to myself, i feel beautiful..alive..free…breathy…vibrant. i feel like i am living.
just my grain of salt.
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lola
926 days ago
my interest is peaked. have always felt a dark mist within me. spent almost 40 yrs tryn 2 stuff it down, hold it n, keep it hidden. done wit dat now. its true if u stop running from ur dark side it will loose its power esp. if u let it go through u. but im feeling like ur expressing something different here. it feels like a distinction btween the dark side of humanity vs. dark side of femaleness/manliness iz being made. id like 2 become a more intriguing woman than i am currently. id like 2 express my power more. my mission iz 2 find a healthy, way 2 express my dark feminine self. y not. esp if its part ov me anyway. it fits n2 my commitment 2 find az many facets ov myself az i can and tenderly, intimately accept them, and lovingly express them. n its not gonna hurt if it comes wit the added bonus of making my man breathe hotter 4 me. i got nothing 2 lose n only stand 2 gain. plse. notify of release.
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Melinda
966 days ago
I love the tigress analogy! It captures something I don’t know how to describe. It also reminds me of one of the articles on Melina’s site, The Art of Being Feminine. I think it’s called The Man and the Tigress.
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Gabriella11
966 days ago
Hi!
I can FULLY relate to this article. When I met my boyfriend, he always said that what he loved about me was my innocence and sweetness. After hearing this I tried so hard to always appear sweet, innocent with great morals etc. Well after a year or two, he got bored and his attention got diverted to other women. I believe he got bored because he could innately sense I wasn’t being completely authentic by always appearing perfect and holier-than-thou. SOOOO…..
I began showing my true feelings and true power. In addition, I made my sexuality loud and clear.
I started showing him how much I loved sex and revealing a true feminine prowess. I began (mildly) flirting with men, and showing my devious side. I didn’t cheat or anything serious like that. But he had to know the ability I had to break his heart. He had to view me as having a vixen side to me. And a little bitchy side that showed him I would fight for my rights.
Now I have his full attention, and I balance it out with being sweet too. It keeps it exciting. And I love being my true self, it’s so much better. I’m sweet as pie, but my tigress will put him, or leave him in his place, if I have to!
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Jackie
970 days ago
“Many of us reject something within ourselves or within others if it doesn’t fit a particular mold, or if it doesn’t suit who they have shown up to be over the years. What happens then is that you are locked in to one way of doing things. This ultimately leaves both men and women completely dissatisfied and unfulfilled.”
Ummm Renee this is soo spot on!! I have felt this way in my own life for a long time and have debated these exact issues for a long time and always wondered if it was better to have an edge or always be feminine and sweet since I’ve seen both types have huge success with men.., I think this program can really help merge the two in a way that you can apply both in life..I know I want and need to!
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Denise
971 days ago
Renee, I think a lot of us tend to associate “the Dark Side” like in the Star Wars movies… something to fight at all costs! But it seems, to me at least, that the dark side is merely a term for one half of the personal duality. It reminds me of the yin-yang symbol that represents light/ dark, or feminine/ masuline, in harmonious unity. And in Attraction Control, you mentioned all the different personas within ourselves- some were light and some were dark (the femme fatale that Clay mentioned).
VolleyGirl & Livi- I wouldn’t worry about a “bad person” surfacing. You are who you are, your core values won’t change. But maybe you’ll tap into another part of you that will lead to personal growth, in different areas of your life.
Thanks again for all the enjoyable & enlightening posts Renee!
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clay
982 days ago
the dark side of femininity is, of course, sexuality. It has nothing to do with the Hollywood fantasy babe kick-boxing, word-wielding and gun-toting her way into masculine oblivion. Nor has the “dark side” to do with the assumption of masculine traits or qualities, or becoming a “bad person”. The hidden female is sexual – dangerous, provocative and liberated. The dark side of femininity is personified as the femme fatale.
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VolleyGirl
984 days ago
Hi Renee ,
I have already read the article 3 times but I still have no idea to what exactly you mean with the “dark side of femininity”! Has it something to do with revealing your evil /bad side?
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Livi
984 days ago
I’m a little worried about the idea of embracing the “dark” side of femininity but am looking forward to learning about it. I just worry that the “dark” side will stop me from being a good person.
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Kira
985 days ago
I like it. In a past relationship, I’ve shown mostly the dark side of my femininity but in the relationship I’m in now, I’ve shown mostly the light side. I think I need to balance the two out because I went to the extreme with both. The dark side was an amazing experience for me, I felt powerful, and mysterious. I had him drooling, but it didn’t last long. I think from there, and into the relationship I have now, I’ve made a switch to the light side of my femininity, choosing to be more innocent.I went from the Panther to the Kitten. He’s still with me now, but he complains I’m too uptight and I find myself a tad bit afraid to venture into my panther state, especially when he becomes the Lion. It might have to do with my previous relationship, and the fears that come there. I think for now, I need to work on balancing those out so I’m not becoming an extremist.
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Jennifer
986 days ago
This sounds amazing – we as women need to integrate all aspects of the feminine. Also – I remember reading a story about the little match stick girl – she built a huge warm fire and so many people crowded into it for the warmth she had created, she was pushed out and sideswiped from her own kind and creative act! When I do too much or find I am praising another – at my own expense – I think of this. Is that one aspect of dark femininity? We nurture and allow ourselves to be overcome or even made invisible? Sometimes I have to make an effort to be strategically nasty – to stay in the warmth of my own fire. Then I have to resist guilt. Is that ‘dark’? I know you will come up with so many factors for this. I belive tha tif we know more about this we become more confident and may attract better men too.
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Masaleen
989 days ago
Absolutely! I’ve always felt, at least with MY particular man, that if I chose to be a constant “goody-two-shoes,” he’d be a little bored and disappointed. He likes adventure, excitement, surprise. So with him I feel very comfortable bringing out my “dark” side. And I bring it out only for him when we’re alone…in public, I’m always an angel, a proper lady. He loves this…It makes him feel special that only he knows this secret side of me, and it creates strong contrast between who I am for others and who I am for him:P
Can’t wait to hear more on this!
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Melinda
990 days ago
I think of the dark side as being the base; the old part of the mind that controls instincts and desires, appetites and addictions, gut-reactions, sensualness and pleasure, and intensely passionate emotions. The animal in us. Many men seem to both yearn for and fear this in women.
Great post.
I look forward to reading more.
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Sachmet
990 days ago
Altough I am not sure if you and I would define the dark side of femininity the same way, Renee, I think that you are absolutely right.
As long as you deny and fight those darker aspects of your personality, you deny and fight your humanity. After all, we are not those ethereal creatures of light some people want to make us believe we are. We are human and all humans have their good and not so good sides. Those aspects cannot be denied, fought or surpessed because they are part of us and want to be “lived”. If we try to surpress them, they will only come back to haunt us and bite us in the … foot.
However, if we mustered the courage to turn to them, see them, come to know them, find out what triggers them etc. – i.e. accept that they are part of who we are and that they to are our friends, not our enemies – then we could actually learn a lot about ourselves and why we sometimes (re)act in a certain way and finally be complete and more free. More importantly, we would no longer be slaves to our dark sides and unable to “control” them but be able to master them and truely integrate them into our personality in a more positive and fruitful way. We might then find out that those dark sides are not so terribly “dark” after all. I think that in this case we would also hurt other people less because we would no longer lash out blindly when our dark side surfaces. And, of course, we would also hurt ourselves less because we could stop fighting and chaining up half of our personality.
By the way, I think this is a problem that most people – women and men – face. Men might act their dark sides out more than women do but in the end, I think, they are just as ignorant about and slaves to them as we are.
Maybe our world would be a better place if this were different?
@ Amitabh: I might have gotten this wrong and simply misunderstood you (admittedly, I often find it a bit difficult to get your message) but I feel that what you write about is exactly the problem Renee would like to address. I feel that you concentrate on or acknowledge/approve solely of the light/gentle/sweet side of femininity.
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Amitabh Pandey
990 days ago
Women are powerful, have always been so despite of their dark side, which gets revealed when ever they find themselves cheated or are hurt & the revenge follows having its own uniqueness. But their power is not crude or brutal like that of men. The power of women lies in tenderness, love, beauty & feminine grace. When they start seeking the same power as sought by men, they lose something very precious. Of course women should be strong & courageous but not in the same way as men are. When they realize this uniqueness, no man can match their power.What makes a man fear a woman? Her feminine strength. Man can argue endlessly but, in most cases, the woman always wins. She may not even produce a good argument, but win she does. Why does the woman win? She is so soft. in fact she never fights, she persuades. She does not fight directly; her fight is indirect & subtle. If she wants to say no, she will not say so directly, but in thousand & one ways her whole being will say no. in the way she places the plate, in the way she moves, in her robe’s swish… She will say no. How can you defend something so subtly? If you love the woman, you are defeated. And it is good that hard is defeated & the soft wins because that is the only possibility for God to win in this world. The devil must be hard like rock. God must be soft.
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Tiara
990 days ago
Look forward to you releasing this and going more in depth on it, sounds great from what you just wrote
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Renee
990 days ago
Thank You beautiful ladies for your feedback, opinions and thoughts. I already have new points to work on and delve in to further in the program as a result of your feedback!
@ Jess: Thank You, I am glad.
@ Emily: Hahaaaah, Emily thanks for your comment and sense of humor
@ Eva: Wow Eva, you’ve really brought up a good point. Thank You, I really appreciate that. You’ve highlighted one of the major problems women have with the dark feminine, and this is one of the reasons I’m writing the book. Thanks for sharing, and this issue will be addressed. I do know exactly what you mean when you say you’re afraid of your boyfriend’s darker side. Again, this is something many women also have a problem with. It leads to blockages in the relationship because one or other partner feels as though they are somehow being rejected.
@ Daniela: Thanks lovely
and exactly – two of the same never goes well, at least not in intimate relationship! -XxX-
@ P: Perfect! Thanks for sharing.
@ Niki: Thank You lovely. I appreciate your comment and thoughts. It’s good to have you here.
@ JP: lol
nope, not like being a bitch, but it’s also about not rejecting that part of you. You know I’m big on that! Also, I will keep you up to date re: examples in the next update about the program.
@ 1Yogini: Thanks lovely
Your oomment and description is briliant and accurate. I love it!
@ Twinkle: Twinkle, you’re on to it. Yes, many women move further in to the masculine when expressing their dark feminine – such is the influence of many cultures around the world, and the masculine dominated society many of us live in. Thanks
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twinkle
990 days ago
Yes, we can be both ‘dark and light’ the problem is that we don’t show the ‘dark’ side of our feminity without it looking like overly masculine energy–it would be nice if someone shows us that. I know the dark side of feminity could keep us shrewd and not take too many chances with our bodies and ourselves around men–feminists blew this one completely.
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1Yogini
990 days ago
Renee, absolutely we women need to not only learn of our own dark side but to put it to proper use. Thinking of the mother wolf who kills her imperfect cub, there is much wisdom in accepting our dark nature. We should not judge it so harshly because there is a higher order established by the balance of polarities within us that translates out into the world as well. In general women establish the heart in their home and community. By “making nice” all the time, we actually do a greater disservice to the whole in allowing certain dysfunctions to continue. Great topic and looking forward to reading more of your insights as well. You Rock, Renee!
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JP
990 days ago
Im curious as to what dark femininity would be…do you mean like being a bitch? lol idk. Could you give an example?
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niki
990 days ago
Hi Renee,
I really think you’re on to something great. Thank you for communicating these ideas with us in a practical and down-to-earth way.
I’m looking forward to your take on the negative or dark aspects of feminine energy.
I came across the article below that I thought might interest you and the readers of this post because of it’s take on male-female polar opposite energies.
http://www.blissdreaming.com/integral-shamanism-blogs/2009/11/30/masculine-and-feminine-energy-and-attraction.html
Keep up the great work
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P
990 days ago
it is like saying if the light is born from innocence or from richness …
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Daniela
991 days ago
I am also very excited to your next program. Since I am always attracted to the very masculine man, have I just found out about myself that I have never been in much luck with them because I have displayed a lot of masculine energy and two of the same never goes well. I have been working on of finding my femenine side and many things have become easier in a relationship and even in myself I have found some sort of a freedom. However I still have not gotten quiet the result I am looking for and I feel have not found the healthy balance. Now I think I have become too sweet. I am hoping in finding some ideas in your coming up program how to find that healthy balance between the light and dark feminine side. Thank you so much for your good work.
all the best Daniela
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Eva
991 days ago
I am not sure how to embrace my dark side because I am afraid my boyfriend would leave me, because when HE shows his dark side, I don’t want to be around him and it upsets me. I don’t like making him feel bad, cause doesn’t that create problems too? And, building on that, should I be afraid of consequences, or is part of embracing your dark side saying to hell with the consequences, YARG! So how do you act right while embracing your dark side?
And thanks, Renee, your posts are fun to read.
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Emily
991 days ago
Ever since I was young I could feel a more dark side of myself. A little bit of tude or mischief under the surface. There is definitely a part of my inner woman that wants to slightly dominate my lovers. I would love to embrace this part of myself and not feel ashamed of my dark tendencies. Teach us how, show us the way, u beautiful Yoda you!
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Jess
991 days ago
Wow this is exciting and it sounds very interesting! I loved Attraction Control so I’m looking forward to this next program as well! Love your work.
Jess
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