Light and Dark Feminine: A Quick Contrast

Oh my gosh, thank you so much for this article!
I’ve always been considered very attractive to guys by my fierce attitude (all of my guy friends tell me this), but as I read your blog about how gentle, sweet and caring women were considered “feminine”, I didn’t understand how a girl like me could be attractive. Of course, I have those qualities, but I’m mostly a “bad girl” that prefers ‘sexy’ to ‘angelic’.
Now I understand that even a ‘bad girl’ can be attractive, thank you !
Lost of love <3

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Aww I wished I discovered this blog last year. My curiosity is more than piqued regarding the whole light and dark feminine and I really want to understand dark femininity more. A highly interesting subject of study.

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Thanks for putting in so much work Renee, your blog as truly inspired me, because you put your heart in it . It’s really quality stuff and i really liked your light and dark entry among many others keep writing! love the quality here

Try reading ”Captivating” by John and Stasi Eldredge, awesome stuff

-another feminity crazy questioner and seeker

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Some people could also consider too, that there is a difference between showing your ‘dark’ femininity in public and perhaps being a bit over the top… then there’s naughty behind the scenes

If someone knows and loves you, wearing a kinky little outfit is not the same as wearing a mini skirt and see through top to a club

I myself had actually started using what I percieve as ‘dark feminine’ whilst Renee was posting all about it – tis very useful.

As one woman suggest above though, it’s not about changing who you are, it’s about harnessing different aspects that already exist within you, unleashing the fun

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Renee, thank you for taking the time to explain – and I suppose it makes sense. This is getting a bit frustratring, there are so many things I start to question about my life when reading through your blog, and i’m starting to wonder how i ever thought a relationship would work out in my life!!
Anyway i at least i am now aware of things and can work on it.

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I’m far too light feminine. I wish I could be a little more dark feminine. I don’t think I’m confident enough.

I’m a traditional country girl who likes making things, cooking, wants a family… everyone describes me as very ‘sweet’… but that’s not enough to keep a man’s attention.

Help me!

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I love this dark/light feminine idea!

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hey Ms Summer! You’ve brought up a great point. What you perceive is the truth will tend to be what you see in the world, so I am not surprised that you think that there is more ‘dark feminine’ around.

However, don’t assume dark femininity has to be promiscuous. A lot of what you perceive to be dark feminine around on the streets is actually not dark or light feminine at all….it’s nothing….really. A lot of women may DRESS dark feminine, but not truly be it or act it. Acting cheap is not dark feminine. Acting slutty is not dark feminine – it’s more androgynous, and sometimes, depending on what the woman is doing and how she is doing it, is even masculine.

When women act cheap and act ‘easy’, this is treading in to an area other than the realm of femininity.

True dark femininity is rare. I delve in to this in the new program.

Also – don’t be so quick to judge Liz Hurley in this video. For as long as you are judging her to be acting promiscuous, you will neglect to see the main point – that in this video, she represents a part of what dark femininity is. Not all by any means, but a part.

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Thanks Masaleen, I also love your blog!
I also agree with you, I think that the light feminine is to be seen in public and the dark side for your partner. But I also think it depends on what you are trying to project.

Hi Renee, I agree with you. That’s what my mum teels me all the time. That as soon as I step outside the house I have to be with my eys wide open! There will always be someone trying to step over you, trying to take your place, have what you have…

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I am a bit confused about this post Renee… seeing the videos I thought you would go on to say that today is more the era of the dark feminine! Isn’t being conservative and showing (and feeling!) emotion rather criticised? The second video on the other hand I find very typical for current media representation of women, and the promiscuity we see in the streets. It is the light feminine that I find harder to encounter.

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Oh Zigma Pluto!!! Thanks for your comment sweetheart. Indeed, you are asking the exact question that I will give an answer to in the book. Changing old habits can be ridiculously hard – a lot of it is subconscious, but I am a woman of possibilities

@ Volleygirl: hello!! Thanks for your comment, and for your lovely kind words. As for your question about how I have discovered that a woman being feminine would have more positive effects – well, simply because I went through that process myself. I was very masculine – in my mind, I had to be to survive. After being introduced to this idea of feminine energy, I noticed my relationships becoming better, and I felt I was being more true to myself. Over time, I introduced the idea to my close girlfriends and saw major changes.

@ P: I should hope you are still alive!! Thanks for your lovely comments.

Oh dear Sachmet: I am so sorry for this. I wonder why it doesn’t play?! If I find and answer I’ll email you.

@ Masaleen: lol, yes, I know you’re adamant that a woman should only show the dark side to her man. Ir’s just personal choice really – but I can see many a man disliking his woman/wife showing her dark side too much in public.

I’m noticing that men tend to lock women in to certain roles, too, which is very limiting.

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i really appreciate all the thoughts here! Thank u =)

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Great post! And before I go on I have to say, I really like VolleyGirl’s comment:)
I think one big difference between light and dark is this:
Light lures in without trying by breaking down people’s fears and letting them become vulnerable, and through innocent charm, while…
Dark lures in consciously using a strong, mysterious force that makes people feel brave.
Does that make sense?;p
Also, I definitely agree that society puts approval too solely on the light side, but really, the most intense dark side of a woman SHOULD only be seen by her man alone. Especially since, although there is more to the dark side, it DOES have a lot to do with sexuality.

I’m so excited for the first free chapter of your new program, I can’t wait to learn more about this!

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Well, unlike zigma pluto I do not like your approach with the videos so much, Renee, because the Liz Hurley video won’t play in my country so I am kind of left with only half a post … sigh.

Nevertheless, I strongly second Tiara’s comment. Can you see me nodding enthusiastically?
There is a book that I would recommend to every woman, especially to one who is rather scared by her “dark” side: “Women who run with the wolves” by Clarissa Pinkola Estès.

And to answer your question whether it is a sign of dark or light masculinity when a man loves to fight: I guess it depends. Does he love “controlled” fighting like martial arts, boxing, fencing, maybe even video gaming, because he loves the physical and mental challenge, likes to perfect his abilities, feel the exhaustion afterwards, wants to get rid of excess energy, it makes him feem alive and so on … then I think it’s light masculinity.
When he loves to pick fights in bars and dark alleys because it makes him feel powerful and less insignificant when he can beat up somebody or because it is the only way he knows how to deal with (perceived) conflicts … then I think calling it “dark” is a vast understatement. It’s dangerous, destructive and a “golden ticket” to prison and he needs help fast before he harms another person or himself seriously and spends the rest of his life regretting it.
It all depends on why and how he does it.

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and i look forward to your coming post …

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Hello! just to let u know i am still existing (in fact, alive) and reading

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Hi Renee, thanks for taking the time to post the videos!
Now I clearly know what you mean when you refer to the light and dark feminine side of a woman.
Keep up the good work. Your articles have already started to impact on my life in a positive way…
I didn’t know that being feminine would take so much work…
I always thought, that for a woman to be feminine, she would have to dress girly and be nice/polite.
But by reading all your articles, I can see that to be feminine it takes a woman to another, higher level that requires persistency, effort and determination.
But I have to admit that being feminine nowadays is really complicated. In this competitive,egocentric world, where people only think about themselves and their needs, its hard to not include yourself.

I have to admit that before finding your website, I think I was kind of masculine. And then I wondered why I only attracted, ( what I like to call feminine guys). This issue used to do my head in!! But thankfully, you have shown me “what was wrong with me”, I guess I had a lot of masculine qualities.
Now I’m so happy, I only attract masculine guys, even though I don’t want to be in a relationship right now, but I’m already starting to see the results by applying your techniques.
Thank you Renee, keep up the good work!
By the way how have you discoverd that a woman being truly feminine world be more positive for her life that by having a lot of masculine qualities?

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Renee, that was an excellent post. I like your approach of using the videos instead of just writing words to get your point across.( not that I don’t enjoy the long blogs, your writings are perectly articulated and touch hearts everytime)
I believe that every woman has both light and dark sides, but in different proportions. For a woman to truly thrive and even survive, she needs both. Having only the light side has its disadvantages:trusting wrong people just because one is too hellbent to see only the “good” in all people, being played around by selfish persons, lacking the klling instinct( or maybe willpower is the right word) to go and get what a woman really wants and deserves personally and professionally. What happens in some cultures is that a girl is told by the family and society to be nice and good and submissive. Then the girl goes out of her way to burry her dark side, in order to be loved and accepted by one and all. But as she grows up, she can hardly follow her instincts anymore. The point is, all women need the right balance of light and dark, but it does’nt always happen. So a dark sided woman needs to embrace her softer side, and vice versa. The question is, how do women do that after a lifetime of conditioning and living in a particular lopsided way?

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@ Cindy: Thanks lovely

@ Shel: Thanks for your comment. None of us are just one kind of person. This is limiting and problematic. Tiara is on the right track!

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Renee,

Fascinating Post…

I think that this dark/light balance is one aspect of femininity that can’t be “engineered” or “cultivated.” It’s either in a woman’s character to be this way or it’s not.
Those who have a significant dark side know how to work it–they are also prepared to suffer the consequences when things go awry. I should also think that they are more willing to take risks than their less fiery sisters.

Now, THIS is the time when Angelina Jolie would seem to be a PERFECT example. Angelic? No. Dark/Light? Perhaps.

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Wow, I’m really looking forward to embracing more of my dark side. I’m definitely light. I don’t think many women truly portray the dark without seeming slutty, so I’m glad you’re here to teach us how.

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@ Tina Carr: You are welcome! Thanks for your comment, and yes, some women do often do exactly what you say; masking their true intent!

@ Tiara: Thanks for your additions. You’re right – we all want something that is whole, rather than a partial, when it comes to feminine or masculine energy.

@ Rachel: you are welcome! Light femininity is certainly not all that exists. Thanks for your comment and the feeling of freedom is wonderful.

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Wow, I am very grateful for your insight Renee! I would have to say I am much more prone to dark femininity, but have never thought of femininity in such a way. I always felt that what you are calling light femininity was all that existed.
That being said, after reading the previous post, I, as a dark feminine female, don’t feel natural acting in the light, I feel fake or cliche.
After reading your post I feel free to harness my dark side and embrace my own true feminine nature as opposed to the societal norm.

Thanks for your insight!

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@Tina the key is to balance the dark and light and to live with the energies complimenting each other not rejecting each other…and yes I agree to not “mask” parts of ourselves and yet most of us do, we have to learn to unmask ourselves, see ourselves, love ourselves in every aspect

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Love you addressing this..it plays into the “division” of the woman that is perpetuated in our society…the madonna/whore complex that many men have with women and many women have with themselves…the dark and light side make up a “whole”…when we reject a part of the self, we reject it all, and we wonder why we (esp) women are in such dire states of self loathing and always searching from validation from men, always rejecting aspects of ourselves or playing into extremes of them and flip flopping through out our lives in them….

good girl gone bad rejecting the “good”
bad girl gets saved and is an over the top extreme zealot bashing the “bad”

men desiring the “whole” woman yet deliberately conditioning the division….and we women will choose to play into one side of her and we are constantly in a state of fear of the “other” woman that our man wants

guess who the other woman is…the side of yourself you reject that more than likely he will go out and find, no matter what he is consciously saying or doing or thinking he wants, deep down he desires wholeness just as we women do

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Shel Reply:
October 6th, 2010 at 8:19 am

Renee,

I don’t mean to be a dissenter here, but in fact, men desire whom they desire. If a man gets bored with you, it’s probably because you’re not “the one.” I love most topics here, but somehow this one seems like a stretch. It’s just not that complicated. If what you are advocating is for women to be themselves, then that’s great. In healthy relationships, accepting someone’s darker aspect is par for the course. A man WHO LOVES YOU will do this automatically. While a little (or a lot)of spice is healthy for a relationship, IMO men tend to see through it when we suddenly try to alter our basic nature to keep them interested.

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Karin Reply:
October 6th, 2010 at 3:52 pm

Shel, that’s not what this is about. You seem to have the wrong idea, Renee is not saying that you have to change your nature. She is saying that we all have that dark and light part to us. Have you read the first chapter?

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Shel Reply:
October 7th, 2010 at 9:02 pm

OK. I read it–very interesting and useful advice. I guess I’ve had difficulty seeing why this is an issue because I don’t know too many one dimensional women. Hubby and I are still spicy after 10 years, but I haven’t changed much physically or otherwise. There are those who say that women marry men hoping they’ll change, and men marry women hoping they’ll NEVER I sometimes think that women change TOO much during the course of a marriage/ relationship, and it’s usually not for the better. It’s much easier to start out spicy and KEEP it that way: you only have to make small adjustments to do that. But, I can see where dark and light femininity definitions guideposts could be useful if a woman is not naturally inclined to accept both parts of herself.

I believe to be truly ” Light feminine” it comes from your nature as a person.It could be a learned trait but I feel some have an advantage over others when you can rely on your instincts,femininity comes more naturally.it’s hard to be able to fake it.
As far as recognizing light and dark feminine…my experience is that cunning dark feminine women tend to attept to mask thieir true intent by appearing to be light feminine as a means to an end.Eventually their anger and discontent towards life in general comes to the forefront. Some mask it better than others and some don’t even bother to. I would prefer to deal with someone that dosnt try to hide who they truly are.At least what you see is what you get. You can then make conscious choices.

Thank you continuing this topic Reneee !
Every read turns on the little light bulbs in my head….lol

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