What Most Women Don’t Know about Finding and Keeping the Man of Their Dreams

finding and keeping the man of your dreams

What Most Women Don’t Know About Finding and Keeping the Man of Their Dreams

There’s a myth that all you need to do is be a nice girl or a “good person”, and then, everything you want will follow, and line up for you. Including a handsome prince who adores you.

This, in fact, is untrue. Don’t you know of anyone who is a really nice person, and yet still didn’t get what they “deserved” in life, their career, or their love life? I do. If I had a gold coin for every time I heard someone say: “why do BAD things happen to GOOD people?!” Do you know how rich I’d be?

So, the conventional idea of just being a good person is enough really needs to be challenged. Perhaps there is another path; a secret path or a forbidden rule of success in dating and relationships that we are never told because it’s taboo. Remarkable men and loving husbands don’t come in to your life and STAY in your life without commitment on your part. Commitment to continuously being the kind of woman who that kind of man would want to be with.

So this means there can be no: “this is how I am, accept me or leave”. Or “This is how I am – deal with it”.

Is there a shortage of GOOD men?

Many single women bemoan the fact that there aren’t enough good men. This ONLY needs to be true for you if:

1) You SETTLE for this belief; or

2) You are not showing up as the kind of woman who is sure to attract the man of your dreams.

If YOU do not take the time to see the good in men, you are settling for a false sense of superiority. People in this position tend to be quite self-righteous. I hear it all the time from men and women: “oh, I don’t see why a woman WOULDN’T like me.” “Oh, men are PIGS.”

YOU will only attract mediocre men when dating or a mediocre man out of your current partner if YOU don’t do whatever it takes to get the relationship or man of your dreams. People end up in unfulfilling relationships because they have terrible (low) standards. (read my article about why women fail to attract men)

And I’m not talking about the kind of standards that lead you to say “oh well, I have high standards for men!” And be really proud of it and then you sit on your butt and do nothing. WAITING never got anybody anywhere.

No-one ever got a good man for just bitching and whining.

If we did, it would be easy. And if it was easy, everyone would have a fulfilling relationship for the long-term. And if everyone had an ultimately fulfilling relationship, then the fulfilling relationship would be devalued.

Some women let good men go or force men away, because of a lack of humility (among other things). A lack of character. One must push through resistance to grow, and to become MORE as a woman, so that you can attract a good or better man. And when you DO do this, guess what happens? You suddenly become deserving of this good man. (read my article about how to attract men without being low value)

The rule of success…

This is the taboo solution. The forbidden rule of success, as simplistic as it may sound. This is what most people would rather not hear, and most parents would rather not tell their children. After all, it produces a much warmer and fuzzier feeling to hear that it would just all come together for us if we were just nice, good people.

The truth is that it’s not enough to just be a ‘good’ person. You can be a ‘good’ person or a ‘nice’ girl, but have poor standards. A poor outlook on relationships.

Like anything in life; once you begin to do something, to strive for something such as the ultimate fulfilling relationship – you will be met with resistance.

So, as difficult as it may be for some women, if you tend to complain about being single, or complain about your husband or boyfriend being lousy – it’s time to stop complaining and raise the standards you have for yourself.

Even if you attract a wonderful man and fall in love, 3-9 months down the track, when all the fuzzy feelings wear off, you’re going to have to find a way to grow and keep this relationship with this person you love so much. Again, if it was all so easy, we would all have it.

It’s like having good money management: if you do not invest, your money is being devalued, year after year.

Here is a quick example:

If you are a 10 out of 10 woman – will you date a man who is a 5/10? And I don’t mean looks. The answer is of course, a No. Because you know you deserve better. Not only this, but you would naturally ATTRACT better.

JUST maintaining the status quo is not an option if you want the best. Whether that be in your relationship or in your life in general. You must always be bringing more to your current situation; to be improving it.

Over to you now, lovely. Yes you! :) What do you think? Do you think there are lots of good men out there? Or do you think there is a shortage of good men?

Renee the feminine woman

 

 

27 Comments

  • Holly

    Reply Reply December 10, 2013

    This is a great article :-)

    I use to have a friend that said the same thing in so many words. I’ll call him Ben. Ben said, “I’m a nice person”, as if that’s enough to get him a girlfriend.

    I did tell him that relationships aren’t built on niceness alone. What I was really dieing to say to him also was, “it’s ok Ben, your a nice person so that’s all that matters. Don’t worry about having a job, I’m cool with having a smoker for a boyfriend, even though I don’t smoke, you don’t have to take any interest in me as a person and ask about my life, you check out women in a secretive way, because that’s ok, being a no person is all that counts”.

    Well no! No it isn’t ok actually. For a woman to say I’m a nice person, and think they deserve a man is just kidding themselves, if it’s based on those foundations, because even if it kills you to be a better person, you will only get out of life what you put in.

    In my personal opinion, it takes a brave person to have the courage to be honest with yourself and stop taking the easy route.

    I use to drink coffee, I use to have 6+ cups in a day sometimes and as much as I loved it, I decided to stop drinking it because it ages the skin.

    Even if a person thinks their doing well in their life, believes themselves to be good, nice, or what ever glorified word they label themselves, theirs a good chance they might not be the person they think they are. It’s only by keeping an open mind and having a flexible attitude in life a person can begin to try and be the best version of themselves.

    Men too, I like to feel that I can keep an open mind and a flexible attitude when it comes to interacting with and understanding men. That’s all that I can do really is try my best.

  • Neferyuya

    Reply Reply March 12, 2013

    I think there are a lot of good men out there.

    I think that one needs to not jump in too soon
    before you see enough of their moods too.

    I personally need to know how the coping style of a man meshes
    or does not mesh with mine. I am quick to help myself
    out of a bad mood for clarity to think straight – it would be
    hard to deal with a guy that just wallows in defeat or
    gets crazy at the sign of a problem for example.

    All types of people are good types for some one out there…
    just maybe not me.

  • Robin

    Reply Reply May 13, 2011

    Thank you so much for this blog! I love it and plan to spend much time here catching up on everything. I’ve recently divorced from a long-term abusive marriage. I’ve done a lot of therapy and a lot of work healing myself and trying to be a better person. As luck would have it I did happen to meet the man of my dreams, a great guy – and even more luck, he’s pursuing me! I’m really trying to be a better person – more open, friendly, affectionate, etc. (being in a long term abusive marriage I have shut down emotionally in a lot of ways).
    It’s definitely a learning process, but I found a keeper and don’t want to lose him. At first I thought that my trying to be a “better person” for him would be doing something false – but thank you for this post because it’s changed my mind. Now I feel like I really should become more enjoyable for myself, and he’s helping provide some extra motivation.

    • Renee

      Reply Reply May 13, 2011

      Hey Robin :) You’re welcome, and congratulations to you for having higher standards for yourself.
      I hope you and this new man live a blissful life together. -XxX-

  • janet

    Reply Reply December 24, 2010

    WOW… so much of what I stumbled upon, when finding this website, has totally hit home for me. Coming out of a train-wreck of a 10 year 2nd marriage, I could and did feel so used, devastated, angry, hurt, etc… all those emotions. I have scoured the internet and found some total healing and empowering information. I have also prayed for strength.

    As Ms Summer stated my motivations for finding the man of my dreams has completely changed. I am empowered! I see I my worth and that I am worthy. I had a husband who would not wear the pants and me the man in the relationship… I feel I was forced to wear all the pants. From managing all the finances, being “in control” of everything ( even though I so wanted and needed him to be in charge ) and even sexually initiating it all because he said he could not initiate anything – even so much as a kiss and hug.

    I am learning and will be a work in progress for many years … however I have learned about my lost femininity, which I love and so yearn to express. I have forgiven my ex… can feel that I am thankful for the relationship and what I have learned about myself since. I have learned that “loving” and being open to love is so key.

    Now, for the interesting part – I have happened upon a man that is a true “man” and has so many of the qualities that I want… It has only been 3 dates – and I am treading lightly in hopes of not pushing him away…we are doing one day at a time. I do want to be pursued and do not want to come across as needy and clingy. I wont and have not called him. In the past 8 months I have learned so much about loving, being feminine, and being open to love. I do feel like I have this renewed outlook on life as a whole… I know what my true feminine energy is and it affects all aspects of my life.

    Any thoughts or wisdom ( delivered kindly ) would be greatly appreciated from all of you readers…. in reference to proceeding openly, lovingly and not reverting back to prior feminine energy ways. I want to take one day at a time with this “man” and keep him coming back to me.

    Thank you and thanks Renee…. this is an awesome place for women!!

  • stefanie

    Reply Reply August 18, 2010

    I’m not sure if I should feel proud that I have such a wonderful relationship, or worried that it’s not feeling like it’s a lot of effort! LOL

    I think it takes a certain type of geekiness! I have always, ever since I remember, wanted to have the fairytale life. And I have always, ever since I remember, read all information I could find about anything to do with men, attraction, love, sexuality, relationships and everything that could be related to this in some manner. I have always looked out for insights I could find by observing others. I have always discussed it to find out how everyone felt about it. I am a love-geek! It used to just be about the fairy tale, but now I realize what an enrichment a satisfying relationship is to life.

    I disagree on one point of the article though. I do not think the market laws apply to love – I do not think that relationships would be worth less, if they were easy to attain. I don’t think it’s about having something that other people don’t have – I actually believe that in the case of love, more is more.

  • Ms Summer

    Reply Reply August 17, 2010

    I noticed my motivations for finding my dream man have completely changed! And for the better, as well, as I feel much more empowered. Finding someone strong who would stand up for me and for whatever I am feeling or saying is no longer highest priority next to good looks which would finally show the world how hot I must be to get such a guy;)I have truly been believing this!

    I am so grateful i read all your articles Renee and now know better. I actually feel prepared now to handle my emotions and to be strong in a feminine way – and give love to someone who might not have had an as loving childhood and friends to build a strong character on. I want to become that angelic woman and be a source of inner serenity and love to my man.

    This change in mindset also lifted a HUGE burden from my shoulders – I have been carrying a lot of responsibilities in my work and my home, not so much because there had not been someone else to carry them for me, but because I claimed them for myself, because I aimed for personal financial security and total control over my life. I was continuously stressed!

    Now, whenever I encounter a situation which would have stressed me previously, I have the long-term goal in mind: to be serene and at peace. Not that this worked from one day to the next, but I do feel much calmer.

  • Renee

    Reply Reply August 13, 2010

    @ Helena: Welcome lovely! I’m so glad I’m covering the topics that you want to hear about. That’s one of the main points of this blog!

    @ Maya: Hello darling! For some reason I get the feeling you are deserving of him….Don’t know why! :) Thank You for your comment.

    @ Clarice! Thanks so much for your comment! The word ‘battlefield’ is a dangerous word to use when it comes to marriage. I think most people view it this way, and that’s partly what makes marriage or long-term relationships so hard.

    It doesn’t have to wear off ;)

    It’s good to have you here Clarice.

    -XxX-

  • clarice

    Reply Reply August 13, 2010

    hi

    been married for 3 years now and yes its been going as they say, that it`ll all wear off after a few years. but really i dont think it is as natural and predictable as it is said. i think it really has to do with what you are saying…knowing how to find and keep the man of your dreams…then maybe too marriage wouldn`t be such a battlefield.

    clarice

  • maya

    Reply Reply August 13, 2010

    Renee i absolutely love this article and your website as a whole .
    I am in a new relationship with this really amazing guy and sometimes I feel undeserving of him…I know i have to continually work and commit myself to make it work and become a better woman.
    I love your articles! thanx!:’)

  • Helena

    Reply Reply August 12, 2010

    Hi Renee,

    I love this website, found it by mistake via google a month ago! Registered for updates! You cover topics that are very near my heart. I try hard and give a lot of though on my own femininity and put effort into incorporating femininity in everyday life as much I can through behaviors, attitude, dressing, style.. Etc

    Thanks for a great website!

  • Renee

    Reply Reply August 12, 2010

    @ Amara: great quote, thanks! :)

    @ Sharon – yes, high self-worth is an absolute must.

    @ Livi: Thanks for the comment and birthday wishes darling. :) also Thanks for the post suggestion. I will do a post on that topic. I am sorry for your situation. You’re welcome to email me, as I cannot tell much about your situation just from your comment. Much Love and blessings from me. You can feel welcome here, and I can see that you’re already keeping the strength just through reading your comments. I really admire that.

    @ Lauren: fo’ sho’. Complacency is dangerous! Thanks for your comment lovely Lauren!

    @ Jackie: Hello gorgeous! We discussed something like this in Attraction Control. Although not in the same context. The best way is to acknowledge that sometimes giving means not giving. ;)

    Interestingly, I’ve noticed a solid presence of Attraction Control crew interacting here on this post. Hehe, you girls are thinking along similar lines! :) xoxoxo

  • sharon

    Reply Reply August 11, 2010

    It all comes to down to having high self-worth. I heard a wise teacher once say that You don’t get what you deserve in life, but only what you THINK you deserve deep down.

    So deep down if you are feeling doubt, don’t see the good in yourself and don’t value yourself as a spiritual being having a human experience, and know that you are already loved by God, then you don’t manifest all the good that you desire for your life.

    It’s all about inner game. Get that right, and the outer, such as wearing the right clothes, make-up etc will enhance the inner beauty flowing outwards.

    Peace out everybody.

  • Jackie

    Reply Reply August 11, 2010

    I do have one other question though: How should modern woman go about striking the BALANCE between their own efforts and being someone a guy will want to be with and not being overly motherly or a “nice girl”?? David’s feedback is definitely welcome too of course :)

  • Jackie

    Reply Reply August 11, 2010

    Renne you are the absolute greatest… your blog has answered so many of the questions I’ve had. In fact, at this point in my life I’ve taken the time to be this kind of woman and am really working hard in areas that include not only looks, but assertiveness, confidence, femininity, poise, grace, and sensuality. I am also going back to my studious ways. It’s difficult and definitely an uphill battle but as the old saying goes “everything you want is right out of your comfort zone or else you would have it already!”

  • Lauren

    Reply Reply August 11, 2010

    Yes Yes YES!!

    Renee has done it again.

    This is why a little jealousy can be healthy for a relationship. Even if you have been with your man for years, you can/should still use little feminine tricks to seduce him. The same goes for him.

    Complacency in a relationship has the effect of holding a loaded gun to someone’s head.

  • Lisa

    Reply Reply August 11, 2010

    I agree that how you respect yourself is how other’s will respect you. Dr. Phil has said, “You teach other’s how to treat you.” So there must be a balance between self respect (high moral character for example) and how you give to others. Frankly, what I believe firmly is that having a sexual relationship before marriag is not only an objective moral wrong, but also practically speaking, causes a man not to value you very much no matter how nice he is in the beginning. Men like a challenge and once they’ve won so easily as so many do today they tend to lose both respect and interest. Save sex for marriage and find the type of guy willing to make the ultimate commitment. If he won’t stick around because of it, then you’ve just learned that you’re not worth it to him. Sex is cheap these days and it’s a great way to learn if the man you’re interested in is a selfish, shallow jerk or a keeper.

  • Ms Summer

    Reply Reply August 11, 2010

    Yes there are so many good men! However I really don’t find myself getting along with women as well anymore, since I am suddenly so aware of that feminist attitude that is everywhere.

  • Livi

    Reply Reply August 11, 2010

    @Valerie: Thanks. I agree a post on being too predictable and “motherly” would be very useful. It’s often hard to find the line between proving that you would make a wonderful wife but still being exciting and keeping him interested.

  • Valerie M

    Reply Reply August 11, 2010

    @ Renee: I love coming on here :) And, yes, it definitely is a challenge!

    @ Livi: Sorry for all the stuff that you are putting up with. It sounds like you are a huge giver – and there is really nothing wrong with that. Givers are wonderful people that make the world go round. Unfortunately, the takers outnumber the givers. For that reason, givers do need to be tougher every now and then … and not feel guilty about it.

    I don’t know the whole story with you and this guy. But I’ve heard time and time again that as long as you are not married to said guy, you shouldn’t be acting as if you are. If you’re always doing *everything* for him (especially during the courting stage when he really doesn’t owe you anything and vice versa), you become too predictable and you’re not really giving the guy a reason to step up and work for anything in the relationship. I think Renee talks a lot about being too predictable and too “motherly.”

  • Livi

    Reply Reply August 11, 2010

    I have always believed this philosophy and always strived to be the ideal girlfriend/wife, my friends all say that I am, yet I still find myself surrounded by women who don’t care but find wonderful men and myself being landed with awful ones.
    I was recently left by my fiancé, who I had believed to be “the one”, after being strung along and cheated on despite being there for him in every way, supporting him in his chosen career and fighting to make our long distance relationship work.
    I’d really appreciate a post on how to keep positive in situations like this.

  • J.D. Meier

    Reply Reply August 11, 2010

    You really light up the point that you get what you expect, and you get more of what you focus on.

  • Amara

    Reply Reply August 10, 2010

    Informative post darling! Also when women take time to date before rushing into the physical aspect of relationships we see things a lot clearer and can pull out before any damage occurs to our standards.

    “If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there.” Lewis Carroll

  • Renee

    Reply Reply August 10, 2010

    @ Poppy War: thanks for your comment and thoughts :) I agree that if you want a good man, you need to be a good woman.

    @ Valerie M: It’s always a pleasure to hear from you. I do the same – I often check in with myself to make sure that I’m living according to my values. And it’s a challenge. It’s much easier to stay comfortable. It takes a lot more energy to look yourself in the mirror and to become 100% self-aware!

    @ Sarah: hello! :) indeed it is difficult. I’m glad you have noticed the difference in the way men treat you. This is something a number of women have written to tell me about – that becoming more true to their feminine core has changed the way men treat them for the better – and then they don’t want to go back ;)

    -XxX-

  • Sarah

    Reply Reply August 10, 2010

    I really like this post! Especially the line “Remarkable men and loving husbands don’t come in to your life and STAY in your life without an enormous commitment on your part. Commitment to continuously being the kind of woman who that kind of man would want to be with.” It really resonated with me that I should work on improving myself, that way I can attract the kind of man I want to be with. It sure is difficult though!

    It was only a few years ago when I was 17 that I realized there was something wrong with modern society, and that I wanted to be feminine, and have a chivalrous, masculine, man. ( Even though I always wanted that deep down! But that was when I first started admitting it. ) I’ve tried for about a year or so, to become more feminine, and have noticed a marked difference in how men treat me. I still have a long way to go though. It’s challenging to change after years of trying to be “tougher” more “independent”, “career-oriented” etc. like society encourages us to be today. Which is funny, since it was challenging at first to be more that way, but I did it since it seemed to be the norm. ( Which it’s not! ) So now I am trying to change back to actual normal. lol.

    Anyway, I love this website!

  • Valerie M

    Reply Reply August 10, 2010

    Renee, you are 100% spot on. One of my “rules” is if I want someone worth my time… I need to be worth THEIR time as well. Anyone can believe they are “high quality” and even look “high quality”… But do they have the actions to back it up? Are they living their lives according to their values? If not, how can they expect a mate to? I ask myself this question every day… and if I’m not happy with the answer, then I try to think about what I can do to BE high quality.

    The sad fact is many people have this long list of qualities in a mate that they don’t even have themselves. That’s pure arrogance! If they ever do find the person who fulfill those qualities, they’ll find that this person is NOT looking for them…. because a person with a lot of excellent qualities is looking for a high quality person as well.

    I’m 100% behind you. This cannot be said enough.

  • Poppy War

    Reply Reply August 10, 2010

    I agree with you. In order to attact a good man you also have to be a good woman. Also, the relationship cannot be one-sided we all have to do our own part. :)

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