Do Men Prefer Younger Women?

Do Men Prefer Younger Women?

I’d like to refer you to this video in which Bernard Chapin (a devout anti-feminist) talks about women, age, what men like, and this article titled: Cougars and MILF’s Rule! 40 Year old Women are WAY Hotter Than 20 Year Olds!

I will say that I am a fan of Bernard’s. He is very entertaining on camera (hilarious in fact), and he does have passion and a strong presence of which I respect and like. However, in this video he says (among other things):

“What men desire more than anything in women is youth; that’s just the way that it is. Youth Correlates with fertility. Men are devoted to women for the purposes of reproduction”.

This doesn’t send the nicest message to women around the world. What woman wants to think that when she reaches a certain age, that her man is going to want someone younger than her? Or that she’s no longer as valuable as a younger woman? What happens then, to the notion of love and attraction? (Click here to take the quiz on “How Naturally Feminine Am I Actually?”)

This is like saying: “women are devoted to men for the purposes of resources/money”. And though we know this is true for some women, for many women this is simply untrue. What about women saying that they only like tall men? What then, is to become of shorter men? Should they expect a lower quality of life because they are shorter than their male counterparts? The short answer is no.

Manliness has nothing to do with height. I’ve seen very short men who were so manly and attractive that I didn’t even consider their height to be an issue.

I would like to say however, that Bernard’s statement does have value, and it does have truth to it. For example, if a man is incompetent/unintelligent/cannot provide for a woman at all, he may not be as attractive to most females as other men  who have more resources. But my point is that women wouldn’t necessarily be devoted to men solely for their ability to provide/their money. If they were, they would take up any so-called ‘better opportunity’ that  comes along even if they were taken. (read my article about is it wise to pick a man who love you more than you love him?)

I believe women are devoted to a man  who is in his essence, a man. In other words, if he represents strength, has passion, is confident and driven; that’s attractive to a woman. There are exceptions though. A less driven man will, conversely, attract a woman who is more driven than him, because it makes up for his lack of direction. We attract what we deserve, and we attract a partner based on the energy we put out.

A sexually ‘neutral’ person (although they are rare), will not be so big on the masculine/feminine dichotomy however, and will be happy in a relationship where the roles are interchanged regularly. Most of us (80% of us) are either more masculine at our core, or more feminine, and therefore prefer (as well as attract) someone whose sexual essence is more opposite to ours.

Both Bernard’s statement above, and my example statement that ‘women are devoted to men for the purposes of resources/money’ indicate ONE thing. That in each respective scenario, the man/woman wants a partner of the opposite sex for what they can GET from them. This is what most people are like. They go in to a relationship thinking about what they can get from the other person. They want someone who makes them feel good. This is not the way to run a relationship!

And, though I do believe men want a woman who has great reproductive value, who is attractive, radiant and gorgeous, that’s not all there is to it.

I wanted to address this issue, because progressively over the years, I’ve heard women around me bemoan their age, and feel upset that they are ‘past their use-by date’, and they fear that their husband will leave them for a younger woman. And this is a terrible feeling for all women. We want to be loved! We don’t want to be traded in for a more ‘up-to-date’ model!

It’s true that there are women in their 50s who are being left by their husband – sometimes for a younger woman. But it really has nothing to do with your age.

What is Youth

‘Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” – Anthony Robbins

Youth is energy. Youth is vitality. Youth is radiance.

Youth – is not dependent upon age. Youth is how a woman acts. Youth is a state of mind. Youth is founded upon your beliefs and values. There are a lot of 18 year-olds who look and act like they are about 40. Conversely, there are a lot of beautiful older women who look and act like they are 16.

Take Goldie Hawn for example. I’ve not seen a woman 60+ with more radiance in a while. She just oozes sex appeal, femininity and sensuality. I remember I was at a seminar run by Anthony Robbins back in 2007 with 5,000 other people, and he asked for a show of hands from the men who thought that Goldie Hawn was more attractive than her daughter, Kate Hudson. There was a significant number of men who raised their hands. No, I’m not kidding.

I won’t deny that there are men out there who want a younger woman. There are many men out there who want a woman for what she can do for him. Give him sex, better social status, make him look good, make him look like the ‘alpha male’, etc. But needless to say, there are plenty of men out there who are not looking for this specifically.

Some men will say they find younger women more attractive than an older woman and then talk about how attractive Halle Berry or Catherine Zeta-Jones are. Most women will talk about how these women have all had plastic surgery. But if you don’t believe a woman can look youthful and gorgeous 60 or even 70+ without surgery, please check out Mimi Kirk (if you haven’t seen or heard of her, please take a look, she is incredible)! (read my article about how to achieve youthfulness and radiance)

What do Men Want?

So, what is it exactly that men want? Is a woman unattractive past a certain age? Maybe to a certain type of man. But here’s the truth: ATTRACTION has little to do with age. Attraction has to do with polarity. Polarity meaning the masculine/feminine dichotomy that creates a spark in your relationship. Why else would there be so many younger men dating older women?

Polarity creates passion, excitement, that feeling of being in love, and ecstacy!

Attraction can be triggered regardless of age, and even despite a perceived ‘lack’ of other important factors. That is one of the reasons why you see good-looking men with women whom you may find very ‘unattractive’ or not pretty. (read my article about how to make a man want you)

Femininity knows no age. Men love femininity. Men love women full stop. Femininity attracts masculinity. As long as a woman remains feminine, she won’t have a problem. Why is femininity important? (Click here to download your copy of “Goddess Report”)

Well, no woman can truly rely solely on her looks. A lot of men may go for a younger woman because younger women tend to be more innocent, youthful, carefree, ‘un-burdened’ by life’s responsibilities, un-burnt (not bitter from past relationships and past experiences) and of course, it seems to be generally true that before a woman has children and other huge life responsibilities, she is a lot more free.

Younger women tend to also keep their hair long, are sometimes more fun to be around, look up to an older man more, admire an older man more, and be attracted to his masculinity. A lot of older women let themselves lose their zest for life, become boring and ‘serious’, and lose their youthfulness and radiance. Youth doesn’t have to be lost. Looks may be lost, but youth is forever. And, if a woman really, truly keeps herself in shape, eats well, stays happy and exercises, she needn’t have wrinkles even past her 70s!

What men really want is to make their woman happy. Women often seem to, progressively over the years develop a chip on their shoulder and lose their femininity. They lose their precious sense of freedom, radiance, liveliness, innocence, trustfulness and sensitivity.

A man wants to be trusted and looked up to. Just because a woman is older and has more so-called ‘experience’ doesn’t mean she cannot still be feminine, be innocent, look up to her man, let him lead her sometimes (I’m not talking about being docile) and act and feel young.

For many men, as they get older, they want to feel young again. They want to feel like they are still as strong, able, ‘invincible’, and important as they were in their youth. Often, this is why they go for a younger woman. Because they feel a younger woman can make them feel younger and more youthful and bring them more happiness and excitement. And we all know that a lot of the times, older men are being replaced in their job by a younger man, which is difficult for a man.

Many older women also lose interest in sex. I’ve discussed this before in the article 5 Reasons Why Women Shouldn’t Deprive Their Man of Sex’. A younger woman is sometimes more interested in sex, more willing to make time for it. and more likely to make a man feel like he is still attractive and still ‘has it’. Basically, a man wants a woman who makes him feel like a man! That’s it!

Whilst a 60 year old woman may not look like she did at 20, 30 or 40; femininity is forever. And the greatest thing is that older women often have incredible grace, wisdom and confidence. How beautiful!

As I see it, the reason a man would go for a younger woman is exactly the same reason a man may want to go for an older woman; he’s looking for a feeling.

All men are different. Some men may feel that they can get that feeling from a younger woman. Some may feel that they can get it from an older woman. But ultimately it has nothing to do with age. Both women and men are mistaken in thinking that it is solely to do with age.

In the words of a man….

To close this article, I want to leave you with this passage, written by David Deida, the American author, independent researcher, and teacher (yes, written by a man) which is just so beautiful:

‘For several months, I lived on the Indonesian island of Bali. While I was there, I established a friendship with a Balinese fmaily who owned and operated a little restaurant with three bamboos tables, and where I frequently ate. The family consisted of three sisters and their mother. The three sisters, all in their early 20s, were extraordinarily beautiful. Any one of them could have been a magazine cover girl. Two of the sisters were, in fact, professional models. Their bodies, their faces, their hair – everything about their appearance was captivating. I could hardly eat, their beauty was so enchanting.

For the first few weeks, they were the only people I saw at the small restaurant. Then one day, their mother came out from the kitchen into the dining area. I will never forget that moment. The three beautiful sisters were sitting in the dining area, talking. Their mother walked out and began talking with them. I was shocked by what I saw.

The mother was about 60 years old. Her brown skin was wrinkled from the sun, and she was clearly no longer a young woman. But her beauty was incomparable. From the mother’s eyes shone a rare light of love, compassion and humor. Her every move was filled with an ‘otherworldy grace’. She looked at me, and her smile lit up my heart. I couldn’t believe it. As beautiful as her young daughters were, this old woman was far more beautiful.

It wasn’t her physical appearance but her disposition that so enchanted me. She was so relaxed, so loving, so happy, so wise and so radiant that I felt like bowing in honor of her feminine fullness. Her daughters were but small buds compared with the fullness of her flowering………

My heart widened at the sight of her and continued to do so every time I saw her over the next two months.’

Gain better understanding of men now. Click here to get more information about our popular program Understanding Men.

As always, if you have any thoughts to add or feedback, please share! :)


  • Bill Spence

    Most older women I’ve met since my divorce several years ago are too old and set in their ways for me. I’m sixty five and still very active and prefer a woman in her forties who is educated, attractive, and willing to do things out of their comfort zone.

  • Viki Samoja

    I think there is somethingto it, but it has limitations, i as a 24 year old man would never go for a 50 year old woman, i have a life in front of me and she ahs only old age, i want a woman who i can share life with, not become an old man in my 30es because my wife is a grandma, so in case of older men trading their wife for someone younger, i don’t think it has anything with age, but if you are trying to pull a man twice as young as you forget it, it will not make either of you happy in the long run.

  • Jessica Wade

    I agree with Ashlee. Everyone is attracted to what they like no matter the age. True beuty is on the inside. Proverbs 31: Charm is deceptive and beauty does not last, but a woman who fears the Lord shall be praised. So how beautiful is anyone’s HEART.

  • Julie

    I’ve been seeing a guy for a few months now and I’m really confused. I know this may seem weird to some people but I am not looking for judgment because this is my situation and no one else’s is exactly the same as mine. Anyways, I’m 19 years old, and the person I’m seeing is in his very early 30’s. He’s an amazing guy and I care deeply for him even though our relationship is casual (in other words, doesn’t have a label on it). We work well together, but sometimes I feel like my youthfulness is almost…annoying? to him, I guess that’s the way to put it. I’m extremely full of energy and I love life and sometimes it seems like I have to stifle that excitement and act older and more mature than my age in order to feel like I can connect with him. What should I do?

  • Ruth

    If a man treats you as if he loves you, but looks at other women online or in street, does it mean he is bored of you? I thought if men were in love they would have eyes for no one else. Is this unrealistic or true?

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  • Andre

    That’s a lot of nonsense. Women are sexually attractive when they are physically young. It doesn’t matter if they are grumpy, obnoxious, despicable human beings. Youth is physical in nature, it’s not a personality trait. The essence of femininity IS youth. That is why women are shorter, have less body hair, have smoother skin, have a higher pitched voice, have more tear ducts, etc, etc, etc. And that is also why what is attractive in men is usually the exact opposite. Every single “feminine” trait is actually about youth and every “masculine” trait is about maturity/adulthood. That is why there is more flexibility to men as they age; because women want a “daddy” replacement but even if men wanted a “mommy” replacement, all they can find in older women is a worn out child that is looking for a “daddy”. Male homosexuals also align along the same lines of “youth” (bottoms) versus “maturity” (tops).

    • Renee Wade

      Andre, do you care to make some more sense here? The daddy and mommy points aren’t points….they seem out of context unless you explain what you are trying to say. I suppose the taller women should pack it up then?

  • Sunny

    I really don’t think that it’s fair to the grumpy, older, married women for their children to take the side of their father without taking into account what their mother says. Isn’t it true that she once was the feminine adoring young girl he fell for? What happened? She had to take over more responsibility in the marriage than the women who stayed cheerful and feminine. Try doing your own car maintenance, lawn care, home repair inside and out, a full or part-time job, laundry, grocery shopping, meal planning and preparation, child rearing and all it entails; you’ve got one tired woman. Does he still surprise her with an evening out? Does he show her how much he wants her in the ways he knows she loves? I doubt it. He’s doing that for the other woman who is so sweet, sexy, and feminine, sometimes with family money and most assuredly with family time. He isn’t a real man. Real men are equal partners in every respect, with the ability to think and act for the good of the family so that the wife does not have to lose that adoration and respect. Real men earn their respect.

  • Anais

    I agree youthfulness is more about your spirit than your age. I mean, I’m 30 but I still get mistaken for as young as 17. I feel I look younger than my age, not just because of other people’s opinions. But I think it’s not just my appearance. I also have a very youthful mindset. I don’t only relinquish in the “responsibilities” of adulthood and value having fun, as well as adventure a lot outside work. So I still attract a lot of younger men.

  • Sofia

    OMG, you are right!

    I have an aunt whos husband always is telling her that she is ”old” and that he is gonna leave her for someone younger. Of course, this hurt my aunt so deeply but she doesnt does anything for her to change, maybe bcos she doesnt know how to and even if I tell her, she would treat me like crazy.

    He is always has cheated on her (I know is not a good thing, but I know he is looking for what he cannot have from her), but now I know why he is this way with her.

    She always wants to be right. She always wants to have the last word. Always be assertive. Such a terrible, terrible thing for him, innit?

    She is SO masculine, she is not ugly tho, she takes care of herself, she always smells good, she dresses up well, but her actions, her masculine energy make her look ugly behind his eyes.

    He cheats on her but he doesnt find any better out there (with all this woman becoming masculine)and that is when he returns with her, and she thinks that he loves her (not).

    What I want to say with all this is that if you are not all this good things, of sense of freedom, radiance, liveliness, innocence, trustfulness and sensitivity like you just said, he will def leave you for someone who has them. Most def.

    Unfortunately, my mother has this traits as well, and as sad as it may sound, her partner left her, not bcos the other woman was so beautiful, but bcos my mother is pretty much of a MAN and he was the FEMALE, he felt suffocated bcos my mother drained him with money also.

    As a youngster you dont know anything about this things you explained on here, so we just went around and judge him and even hated him for making my mother suffered (he was my step dad), but I am not dumb either so I am not gonna tell all these things to my mom and make her feel more bad about it (although it has past like 11 years of that). My mom is 55 and she says she is too old to change.

    All my 3 aunts are more like a man, except one.

    And my mother wants me to be exactly like her. To have masculine energy and to defend myself from the cruel world out there. But thank God I dont have it. I love been a feminine woman. Is all I was given as a woman so why should I quit about that precious gift? 😉

  • Holly

    Aww Renee :”-), that story by the man named David was soooooooo beautiful!! Thankyou for sharing all your beautiful insight with the world,that’s what makes you beautiful just to say the least.

    It’s so true! That if a person takes care of themselve propolaly then they can age well.

    Look at Carol Vordamen, she also looks amazing for her age and I’ve put her on my law of attraction board as she’s my insperation, she’s a Capricorn sun sign just like myself.

    Weather astrology is ture or not, it’s something I like to hold onto for the positive aspects.

    Capricorn is ruled by saturn the hard task master and takes 8 years to orbit the sun. That translates into astrology that life is hard going for Capricorn sun people but they are suppose to get better with age/life is suppose to get easier for Capricorn people.

    When Geri Haliwell said to Garry Barrlow on the Ex factor that he’s got better with age, I looked it up and yes, funnily enough he’s a Capricorn too, lol.

    David pelsor (aurther of the boy called it who sufferd tragic childhood abuse from his mom is aswell, so I’m hoping to get stronger in life.

    I love this article Renee and I hold onto with all my will and heart.

    I’m so glad and lucky that I found you Renee as your an outstanding person based on my own book of life, my story…this is my life, including chapters such as my first bra, why chips are bad for you in the long run and god dam it!, I can’t sleep again at night time and opps How did I manage to attract a cresh on my night (sorry, 18s too young) and no I’m not psychotic, the hospital just gave me the tablets when I was feeling psychotic and all the rest of it and stuff, plus an extras section called oh you know, just stuff, lol.

    Well I’m just being silly now but the life story in my mind is so glad that you’ve made such a positive contribution, you practically an auther of insperation :-)

  • Stacy

    Renee, this is amazing! I have been reading your articles for a year and you have just become so insightful! All the comments below that disagree are talking about “getting something from someone” and I never thought about it like that. It IS easier to live in fear! So easy to live shut off, guarded and believe we are only worth how we look and some men are supportig this without realizing. Many woman are too.

    I felt the most beautiful, the most young and the most free when I was not scared. When I loved to love not to gain! Thank you for the beautiful post and your words! Amazing :)

    • Stacy

      Hahaha nice faces here :)

  • james

    The only way an older woman is beautiful is if she aged in my arms and we grew old together.

    • Stacy

      That’s your perception.. maybe because you are young. When you get older you could find a woman with vibrance, energy and a love for life VERY attractive :)

  • lilbee

    Ok…here it is…men are visual…of course they prefer younger women. Until the universe stops expanding or clinique finds a way to turn back the hands of time,it will remain the same. I was actually with a man 10 years my junior. I was extremely interested in an active sex life and he would deny me sex on a regular basis. It was so obvious he did not enjoy sex with me..not even fellatio!! I was 39 when I met him..he was 29. He put me through hell throwing me lousy bones once in a while. He had a serious erection problem and it was horrible. Whata waste on a crazed beauty like me. Younger is not everything and was always assume the obvious. Most of the younger men Ive been with have had erection problems. They probably thought I would not want sex as much. They were sorely mistaken!!

    • james

      It is kind of hard to get it up if the woman isn’t visually appealing. You said most of the young men you were with had a hard time getting up……..what is the common denominator? You are; so that leads me to believe you probably aren’t too easy on the eyes. If it was one guy, you might have a point, but that isn’t what you said.

  • madamebeaute’

    i am a woman of 60.,,,,,
    the guys that ask me out are several ‘centuries’ younger than me
    i would just like a man around my own age..
    no offense youngins’ but ya’ll bore the hell outta me !
    i could nevah do online ’cause i believe in destiny blah blah …

    my final observation is that young guys like older women & old guys like young chicks …
    if you are between 55 & 70 call me ! lol

  • Anna

    This is a good article but it doesn’t chance the fact that men simply find young women more attractive than older women.

    It’s always women who come up with theories how certain behavior, attitude or energy attracts men, and other women naturally want to believe. But in practice if a man has a chance, in 99% cases, he will choose young woman (20-35years), not older (over 40yrs).


    • Stacy

      This is funny to me because my Dad is 50 and he has dated around his entire life.. even when married to my Mom. Believe me he goes for status, he goes for “attraction” and anything else you typically think frolm a guy. He also dates vibrant women his age, 10 years younger and 20 years younger. The one he is currently comepletely attracted to is 5 years younger than him. Men are not just visual… you don’t just chase men for money do you? Amazingly, we ARE all more evolved and have deepr desires than we think.

      Renee, you are wonderful! Your passion is to help people love, to help people overcome fears and to ignore the false things about life. You truly inspire me and I am so thankful for your guidance!

  • larry

    Im a 53 year old divorced twice. First wife same age. I divorced her for her infedelities after 7 years. 10 years later while raising my two boys on my own I met and married my second wife (18) years younger than me. I divorced her after 4 years for the same reason….go figure…guess I attract losers…at any rate…10 years later…I find myself attracted to women that range in age from 30 to 40….older women do tend to have more baggage and can be very harsh and unforegiving in their attitude toward men but also are more grounded and much less needy. However my greatest turn off is older women tend to have deep voices…like a man due to menopause I suspect. Most men prefer women with high voices (feminine) just as most women prefer men with deep voices (masculine)…..this again sends me toward younger women….I also find younger women exciting and full of life and a desire to explore and have adventures. They say a person should split their age in half and add seven…to determine how young a person they should date….e.g. 53/2 is 25+7 is 32….so I should date a women no younger then 32. This formula seems to be on target. Men should beware of women under 30 since these women are still developing into who they really are….once 30 they are who they are and are real women by then. I would also add that there are three basic things a man should look for in finger a mate….1. She must be crazy about you. 2. She must have her own stuff….car..home-appartment…job…and be able to keep up with you I.e. ambition. 3. Confidence in self….ability to go see a movie alone and think nothing of it. Then once you have found these three things….you have a tea…coffee…or drink together. Its really not that easy and shouldn’t be! If taken lightly you may find yourself at 53 still searching for someone to share your life with that only wants to be with you for who you are and not what you can give them. So age is not important..its really about who you feel most comfortable with….and having the knowledge that the other person feels the same way about you…needs or wants you just for you and again not what you can give or do for them….lastly always remember nothing last forever and we all are continually changing to some degree….cherish the time you have together…and live your life in the present three minutes…one minute ago…the minute now…and the next minute. Do this and you will find fulfillment. You will see things that have been right in front of you all along that are simply amazing….we were made to enjoy the simplicity of everything…stop and look around by living in the three minutes. Good luck.

    • rony

      “1. She must be crazy about you.”


      “2. She must have her own stuff….car..home-appartment…job…and be able to keep up with you I.e. ambition.”

      This one sounds like something a woman would say (I could careless about these superficial material things)

      “3. Confidence in self….ability to go see a movie alone and think nothing of it.”


    • http://Google Donna

      Larry: I liked your analogy of a relationship. You must always live in the minute/moment and you must do things alone because it makes you a stronger person, independent and self worthy. That is why I need to go for a younger guy. The guys over 60’s are crumpy old men. what life has not done for them. They do not appreciate what they have in the moment/minute. The big problem a lot of men over 60 cannot perform if they have diabetes or asma. These men need younger women sorry to say The Relationship will not last. LUST is not forever.

      Unfortunate, I am still learning @ 60 years old. I do not look bad for my age; but I am not out to play games either. I hope everyone finds their sole mate but only look in the right places not a BAR.

      • Gene Novak

        Holy crap you’re a 60 year old woman and complaining because 60 old men are too old for you. I’m amazed you can even find 60 year old men interested. I’d figure you’re have to look in their 70s. Doubt you’ll find younger.

  • franko

    it is very hard to date a younger woman, especially that i am in my late fifties now. just finding a good woman again is hard enough for me, after a divorce.

  • Jill

    Some men live in fantasy land. They have no clue how they hurt their wives by constantly looking for hot women on tv and the internet. I am no girly-girl. I cut the grass, paint, clean house, do all the errands, take care of elderly dad. I have to be pretty no-nonsense to achieve all this work and keep up with responsibilities. Some men will always be wanting what they can’t have. There’s nothing I can do about it. I have gone the extra mile, only to be let known that I will be doing all the work in the bed. I’ve learned to live with it and find pleasure in the day-to-day business of living. The one thing that scared me about getting married has come to be my reality. Attraction does not last.

    • Renee

      Jill, I know how responsibilities can get piled up and it’s overwhelming!

      Just as your husband can look for *what he apparently doesn’t have*, so can you.

      That is irrelevant. I believe what you, your relationship and your husband are missing is your energy. You being you. Right now, your energy is as dull as it could be, from reading your comment. But there is much more to you than this.

      You are not a victim. You are the one with all the power here, although, whether you choose to take that power and use it, or chose to babble mindlessly about what is going on (which we all do, including myself, so I have no judgements at all) is your choice. xox

      Try this article if you want more information about using your feminine energy. What is Femininity and how to be Your Feminine Self

  • Ashlee 20

    who cares older men like younger pussy and younger guys like older pussy who cares as long as youre enjoying yourself :)