A Strong Woman

a strong woman

A Strong Woman

First and foremost, being a feminine woman requires an enormous amount of strength. In a society where the traditional roles of a woman and things like focusing on motherhood are no longer as respected (at least in comparison to the ‘career woman’s achievements and ambitions), it can sometimes feel almost impossible to just relax and not feel the need to conform to modern ideals, and to compete to get to the top of the corporate world or workforce.

Every now and then I get an email asking me about femininity and how to be feminine whilst wanting to chase masculine ambitions. Sometimes I’ll get a woman telling me that my writing is an insult to women all over the world.

Well, let me say that I believe passionately in women’s rights. I believe in human rights. I believe in rights in general. I would never promote something that is an insult to women, or something that marginalizes women. Whilst I love that women have much more freedom now than they used to, and can work as well as provide for their children alone if they have to, I do not believe a woman’s worth should be judged by her “achievements” at university, school, in the workplace, in sports or her physical looks. The real worth of a woman is much more than all of these things put together.

Ironically, a strong woman is not what society tells us it is. No woman is a strong woman because she got a degree. No woman is a strong woman because she got promoted. No woman is a strong woman because of her intellect. No woman is a strong woman because she can do something just as well as a man can or even better than them. No woman is strong because she’s an athlete. No woman is strong because she can lift heavy weights at the gym, or run fast (although I used to think so).

True strength lies in her ability to embrace her feminine core, and whilst she may be a high achiever, and whilst she may be very intelligent – her real strength is in her true femininity. And in her character.

Can she care for others? Can she care not only when it’s easy, but when it’s hard? Can she truly feel, rather than hide her feelings? Can she tell the truth, and influence people for the better? Can she influence without aggression? Can she influence without ego? Can she give without expecting anything back? Can she accept a man, without trying to change him?

Whilst I have nothing against women working or playing sports; all I’m saying is that this is not how a woman’s worth ought to be measured.

In looking for a message that sums up the strength of a woman simply, I came across the above picture. And I’d like to just reiterate what it says:

A strong woman is one who feels deeply and loves fiercely.

Her tears flow just as abundantly as her laughter.

A strong woman is both soft and powerful.

She is both Practical and Spiritual.

A strong woman in her essence is a gift to all the world.

It’s important that women spend time giving and enriching their relationships.

We’re not always taught, in the “education” system, how to be great mothers, how to be great friends, great daughters, great girlfriends, great wives – great people! We’re mainly taught how to do that equation, or how to write the best essay. Or how to be the ‘best’ at something. We’re lead to focus on our own lives and achievements.

By all means, yes, we are taught to be ‘good people’ to the extent that we are encouraged to contribute to society and be philanthropists. We’re also taught to be nice. But nice is not enough. It has to be accompanied with true care.

But, how can a woman ever truly understand the pain and suffering of others, and truly give to others, if she’s not encouraged to feel her own pain and suffering? How can a woman develop compassion, relate to other human beings, revel in her femininity and live in her feminine core if everything is about getting the next thing done and getting the next thing done?

And then we go on to enter the work force – and whilst I think this is fantastic; that it’s great how women have so many opportunities – what about respecting what a truly feminine woman can give from her heart? What about respecting her worth simply as a woman? Simply through her ability to love, and to feel?

There needs to be a balance! A balance between the masculine and feminine energy inside of a woman. (read my article about why being one dimensional will cost you)

For a lot of women, our complexities (something that is at the heart of the feminine energy) are conditioned out of us, and we become like zombies – not really happy, and not really ‘alive’ and radiant like a woman truly should be – but not necessarily unhappy enough to do something about it.

How often have you been walking down the street, or sitting on the train, and people look like they’re machines? It’s particularly sad to see women like this. Personally, I’d rather meet a woman who hates me than to meet a woman who is bland and dead inside. I like to see some kind of emotion; something human. Something womanly.

Unfortunately, it’s very common to come across women who are more like robots.

I believe a strong woman should never be content with content. Women are a symbol of beauty; of femininity – and we ought to live enriching lives and bring LIFE, energy, love and hope wherever we go.

And, I believe that there needs to be more manly men, more masculine men to respect and love her for the contrast she brings to him; and for the many ways in which she completes him!

What is a strong woman to you?

Renee the feminine woman

30 Comments

  • Chivs

    Reply Reply October 31, 2013

    Hi Renee,

    This is the the best blog ever! Yes you are right. There are women that I personally know that what they seek are achievements that won’t make them accept their femininity. There are lots of women who thinks sexy body is femininity itself but don’t have the heart of a good, true feminine women. What’s more, there are women that don’t do make ups or dress properly like a woman should because they are embarrass to show their womanhood. Too many of them, and that’s why there is this so called GENDER CONFUSION.

  • Holly

    Reply Reply July 21, 2013

    Aww, this is lovely :-), it felt emotional to read and I would say that I feel that some of the work on here has helped as much as it can, into permitting myself to feel emotion and open up/be more true to myself as a person.

    Sadly I would say that I’m a little confused within myself, I’m not even sure what to expect of a man’s behaviour or my behaviour for that matter.

    When I say that, what I mean is that I would guess that I’ve been attracked to men more in touch with their feminine sides. This is possibility due to a poor child hood up bringing were I precieved a masculine man (my dad) as unsafe and lacking in emotion.

    It’s as if I’ve grown up with the mental attitude that I must protect and provide for myself , that I would be ridiculed for expressing my emotions, so I trained myself to pretend not to care when people bullied me in the past, not to ask for anything in return , to put anyone out or offend anyone for that matter.

    Sadly my experience in earth has been very painful as I’m hyper sensitive anyway and I’ve felt indiffirent to human nature.

    Well that really should come as no suprice considering I’ve literaly trained myself up to be a self coping , none expressing of emotion human being, that accomodates to every body else’s needs before my own.

    This is the reason why I don’t have friends to spend time with, have been walked and treated disrespectfuly my whole life time.

    • Holly

      Reply Reply July 21, 2013

      And now :-), life brought me the experience to recieve psychological help, life brought me to this point in my life and helped me find the feminine women blog, which I consider two great gifts from the universe :-).

      I must say that I’m so happy with the psychological help that I’ve recieved. The psychologist has saved me from myself and set me free as a person. The feminine women blog is guiding me in the right direction so I’m truly greatfull for that too :-)

      I simply couldn’t imagine my life without the feminine women blog.

      Well, I was with the farther of my child from 17-24. He is an affectionate man that is good at expressing emotion ect but I left with my daughter 9 weeks after she was born due to the fact he was controlling and the relationship was toxic.

      I’m now 27 and by choice I have been single ever since and will remain on my own until I find what I’m looking for and become a better women to find real love.

      I met up with a man recently as I think it’s a good idea to meet new people to gain insight and experience .

      Well I shall not be meeting with him again as it was a strange experience.

      When I met up with him, he brought my drink, even though I took my own money. The strange thing was that he said “don’t get use to it”, in a humorus way. It was strange because I hadn’t desired weather I would see him again, but that was an indicator

      • Holly

        Reply Reply July 21, 2013

        That he planned to see me on a regular basis.

        He also commented on my quite smoking (now 18 months and permant)that it was early days and would start again if I would be spending time with him. He said he was concerned about telling me about his holiday that he planned to go abroad and when I asked him why he said something about me wanting to go on the holiday with him!?!?

        THe text me the next day and said after a few text messages that he missed me. I told him that he was way to forward and felt scared by his behaviour.

        I shall not be having contact from him again but it was a good learning experience, at least now I will allow a man to buy my drink without feeling guilty . Even though I would always plan to take my own money places it was nice to not be so accomodating.

        Also, I know that I need to create a clearer picture of the type of man I would like to find.

        I’ve also met needy men in the time I’ve been single so that’s an indicator of an unhealthy aspect within myself.

        I’m now working past that and have made a consiouse decision not to focus my attention on a man like that.

  • Nair Diniz De Moura

    Reply Reply February 18, 2013

    I like what you are writing but is this relating to European culture specifically or for all woman’s all over the world?

  • Aquila Burdeos M.

    Reply Reply January 30, 2013

    HELLO ATE!!!! how are you? i really like the content of your output its so awesome….its been a long time since my last message to you last year…

  • Melanie

    Reply Reply July 7, 2012

    I like your content! I totally agree that it is hard in our world to be feminine, we have to be strong to be feminine! I promote similar ideas on my website though I haven’t honed in on the relationship side like you have. I will have to follow your posts! If you have a moment, pop over to my website! I have some pink products that are masculine in their purpose, (boxing gloves, tackle box) but pink, so girls can embrace and even flaunt their blessing of being a woman. Chicks rock!

  • Naomi

    Reply Reply October 6, 2011

    Great to be connecting with other women in the fight to reclaim femininity. I live in a society (New Zealand) where being feminine is regarded, in my opinion, as a weakness. Many people think femininity only means what a woman looks like, or how she behaves, neglecting creativity, compassion, tolerance, nurturing and all the other core strengths femininity encompasses. So many girls and women fear their own feminine nature and downplay it. Being like a man does not make us strong – and it sends the wrong message out. It says ‘womanhood is not as good…’ Let’s keep up the good fight and be loudly and proudly feminine.

  • Liara Saffir

    Reply Reply July 14, 2011

    A woman is truly strong when she relaxes completely into the beauty and sexiness of her femininity (not talking about her looks). She realises her gifts and strives to excell in them to serve herself, her community and humanity. This strong and beautiful woman completely nurtures herself in order to nurture others. She supports her man or partner in his masculine power and yet stands strong in her feminine self. She stands completely and proudly in the strength of her womanly role. There are many models of strong powerful yet feminine and sexy woman way back before Christianity diminished the role and power of women in the world. I am writing a book and workshops on this very topic :)

    • Lila

      Reply Reply October 25, 2011

      That sounds really interesting! I would love to know more about these pre-defaming womanly women.

  • Kitty-Kat

    Reply Reply April 26, 2011

    I totally agree with the falling numbers of the true ladies. When i go to the train every morning to get to my college, i observe those nonchalant women who not only hide their feminine nature but even hate it. They dress up like tomboys even at the age of 30 and 40, speak loudly all over the train, and generally give you a bad impression. And tell you what, all these “ladies” admire men, and think them superior to a woman. It strikes me with shock how can men ever love them. I’ve asked tonnes of people in this country, and most of them can’t cook at all. SO MANY, including businesswomen, do not iron their clothes. And just too many do not want kids or family at all. (I’m only 18, and already feel like kids are the most adorable creatures^_^). Originally, Chinese education developed feminine ladies with a lot of beauty (just like my best friend), but what happened now? I am not trying to offend anyone, but all i can see is the metamorphoses of ladies into men. It’s pretty scary.

  • ariess

    Reply Reply August 30, 2010

    i m dat woman!thx~!

  • Connie

    Reply Reply July 11, 2010

    As a Mother of 8, Grandma to 1 and former Foster Mom to some 15 others I found my true purpose many years ago. However, it was not until recently that I embraced my femininity. I was always told as a child that I was fat and ugly. My mother was an unfortunate woman and it was sort of like Snow White and the wicked Queen. My mother was physically very pretty and incredibly narcissistic, no one else in our home was allowed to be as pretty as her. I was the only girl of 5 children. . Recently I lost weight, but what really led me to this point of feeling and believing in my feminity was my Faith.
    I feel pretty and feminine because I tell myself I am. So does my husband. I dress and behave accordingly and my husband loves it.

    Funny thing is that somwehwere on this site is a statement about how men love pink on a woman. I recently purchased a pink and white floral dress that has a fitted waist and belt. I wore it to Church this morning. Honestly I did not feel as good in this dress as I do in some others. However, my husband could not get over it. He LOVED IT! I got several compliments on it. Ironically though this was an Isaac Mizrahi dress I only paid $6 for it at a Thrift Store with the new tags on! You are right about the color pink and ladies you CAN dress well on very little.

    Thank you for this lovely site.

  • Miiko

    Reply Reply June 16, 2010

    Definitely agree with your summation of a strong woman. I was raised around women who were either passive and/or agressive, not really standing up for themselves or whenever they do it’s hardly constructive, it’s destructive. Even the tv shows like Bad Girls Club show that a strong woman is always angry, loud, combative and slapping people to put them in their place and it made me wonder, “Should I be like that too in order to gain respect and love?”

    To me a strong woman keeps her serenity and peace throughout the times. She’s the eye of the storm. Most importantly she realizes that it’s okay to be kind and sweet to others. It’s okay. It saddens me when I see other women be cold and jaded about life in order to be ‘strong’. Gentleness is a path rarely traveled upon these days. Just saying IT’S OKAY to be kind yet assertive (firm yet respectful). There’s no need to be aggressive (firm yet destructive). It’s timing.

  • Cody

    Reply Reply May 21, 2010

    Thank you for working to preserve femininity. Femininity is that quality which men cannot explain or fully understand, but which subconsciously attracts us to certain people.

    Men, either knowingly or no, will always value womanliness. But it is those women who feel empty or lost and don’t know why who lose in this society. Some women are simply more masculine than the mean, but I believe there are many, many girls who would be much happier if they knew that there is strength, dignity, and true heroism in feminine qualities, activities, and toil.

    It is a tragedy that girls who would feel most natural and authentic to self were they embracing their femininity or providing for their family in a way a man never can never do avoid this because they fear it lacks prestige.
    As you say in another article, the woman is the beating heart in the family — nothing in the world is more important, or is more prestigious in the eyes of adoring family.

  • Clever Idiot

    Reply Reply May 20, 2010

    “No woman is strong because she can…run fast”

    Doesn’t that depend on what she’s running FOR?

    If she’s running FROM something, like the feeling of “her own pain and suffering”, then surely that’s not strong?

    BUT- running TOWARDS something? If that shows, like you said, a woman “who feels deeply and loves fiercely” by running towards that goal of protecting something dear to her(in that “both soft and powerful” way that is the essence of femininity), then is that not a strong feminine woman?

    So really, your comment could be taken as true…in the right context ;)

    (Don’t worry, I’m just playing with words and taking them more lighthearted and less literally than you originally intended :P)

  • Renee

    Reply Reply April 15, 2010

    Thank You very much, Jenny, Manda and Catherine! :)

    @Ella: Feminine women are well balanced, and can stand up for themselves if pushed down – just by doing it with class. And, yes – there’s a lot of pushing and shoving going on as well as competition between women out there.

    Just remember that it really doesn’t matter where you ‘come’ in the competition – but what matters is that you contribute to the world beyond yourself.

    A feminine woman can definitely still work. It’s just how you do it that matters :)

  • Ella

    Reply Reply April 15, 2010

    Personally, women who I find inspiring in the workplace are the ones who have done well – but have got there because of their kind and feminine natures. I think it’s ok to strive to do well and achieve, but to do so in a kind, respectful way – without pushing people over to get there. As I’m just about to step into a masculine workforce, I’m going to stick to my values of helping out others (both those above and below) and to conduct myself in a feminine, kind and polite way. Hopefully this masculine world doesn’t push me down :S

    • David

      Reply Reply April 16, 2010

      @Ella: “Hopefully this masculine world doesn’t push me down :S”
      I truly think that if true femininity is around, there will always be plenty of men wanting to protect that, nurture that and give their lives for that. Men will feel compelled to do that, because true femininity is so rare and so precious.

      • Curtis

        Reply Reply October 14, 2011

        This is the reason y women who are as u described them, steal my heart and get my upmost respect and attention. It is the real strength of women and is in high demand. Unfortunately, its also in short supply.

  • Catherine

    Reply Reply April 14, 2010

    I definetly agree that ones sense of strength and achievment should not be based on their achievements on paper, or in material posession.

    If your life WAS like that, imagine on your death bed – realising how you had no connection to your children, a bland relationship with your partner, and no real friends, just the people with whom you had to schmooz with to get to where you were – not feeling whole.

    You can of course be successful on paper, and have a lovely lifestyle – but to give up your beautiful nature as a woman in order to achieve it – it will bring you short term pleasure, not long term joy.

    • gail reale

      Reply Reply July 16, 2011

      i enjoyed your opinion. it helped me to reflect . thank you
      gail

  • Manda

    Reply Reply April 13, 2010

    You totally embodied the essence of what TRULY makes a strong woman . My mother was a stay-at-home mom and got a lot of guff for choosing this over her career. And I have girlfriends who have gone through terrible family/personal issues, yet have managed to retain their sense of femininity through it all. For me, a woman who is very feminine but sticks to her values and has the ability to get through any crisis, is a million times stronger than our society’s stereotype of a “strong woman” (aka a woman who values career/intellectual success above all else, but is not traditionally feminine). Very inspirational post, I loved it and totally agree with you!

  • Jenny

    Reply Reply April 13, 2010

    THank you for this Renee!! Amazing article, amazing blog, amazing woman!
    Keep it up! :D

  • Renee

    Reply Reply April 13, 2010

    Thank You Jennifer, Valerie, Addy and Real :)

    @Valerie: Welcome, lovely!

    Referring to your statement: “a world where it’s ’suggested’ that we need to look the equivalent of a porn star to get attention shows that there is something seriously wrong.” – I couldn’t agree more! :)

    @Addy: What a fabulous line! Wow – YES, Femininity is indeed the new ‘f’ word!

  • real

    Reply Reply April 13, 2010

    I only wish I’d learned this early on. It’s something that mothers, aunts, grandmothers need to explain to young women before serious relationships, marriage, babies and careers come. It can be so confusing. At work, women are encouraged to be more like a man or be tough. Then, when they go on a date, they don’t know or aren’t sure how to be feminine. Thanks for the post.

  • Addy

    Reply Reply April 13, 2010

    We are so busy trying to be in a rat race we often times do forget about the importance of character vs. achievements. Some of my most inspiring women may have great achievements, but it’s not what draws me to them it’s how the conduct themselves, express themselves, and who they ARE. Instead of trying to be our best selves in any area (especially internally), we are trying to be the strongest most independent women in order to prove something. I’d rather be happy!

    This a much needed post because even though I wholeheartedly agree I sometimes feel “less than” because of all of today’s pressure. It seems as though femininity is the new f-word…and the very women who claim to be “for women” are the ones that sneer at the word feminine.

  • P

    Reply Reply April 13, 2010

    i thought you might appreciate that i solve equations ……

    just teasing, of course! =)

  • Valerie M

    Reply Reply April 13, 2010

    New reader here! This is a wonderful post, Renee. I enjoyed reading it and it is a beyond amazing reminder of getting back to the core of who we are as women. In Generation Y especially, I feel like alot of women have lost their way in the name of feminism. Like you, I appreciate the opportunities we now have, but at what cost? And a world where it’s ‘suggested’ that we need to look the equivalent of a porn star to get attention shows that there is something seriously wrong. Thank goodness you’re here to remind us that it’s just a ‘suggestion.’ :)

  • Jennifer

    Reply Reply April 13, 2010

    This article is about the preservation of women and beautifully identifies that profound strength that should be championed. Well done!

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