Surrendering To Masculine Energy

surrendering to feminine energy

Here’s How & Why You Need to Surrender to Masculine Energy

There’s no denying it; the masculine energy is intense. In fact, masculine energy is sometimes scary, from a woman’s perspective. Of course, I won’t neglect to acknowledge that many modern women won’t relate to this notion. Some may not think masculine energy can be intense or even scary at times.

Whilst Feminism has done some great things for us, it has also made women quite domineering with a tendency to castrate men with a single look. I suppose this is partially where the term ‘Ball-Breaker’ began to tread our vocabulary.

You don’t want to be a ball-breaker. Nuh-uh. Some women think this is really cool; to have a man’s “balls in a jar”. It’s not. It destroys the virility and spirit in men. When I was in Law School, girls used to talk about how some powerful women had their man by the balls. This is quite insulting – it’s not funny. It’s a real problem.

I know that in this day and age, the idea of “stereotypes” is not encouraged. Neither is the notion of gender differences. In fact, some people believe that there shouldn’t be gender differences at all. That there ought to just be ‘people’. Yes, we are all people, but there exists in every one of us, a combination of two energies. Masculine and feminine.

Some women are more masculine at their core, but most are not. Men have feminine energy as well. All humans need a good balance of both; but most females are feminine at their core, and most males are masculine at their core.

This post is a bit of a follow-on from my post ‘How to Be Submissive’. So be sure to scoot over to that article when it suits you, if you haven’t yet read it. Whilst many women understand femininity and the role that it has, very few ever manage to truly surrender to a man’s masculine energy, and finally be free.

I want to start by indicating that much of a woman’s inability to ‘surrender’ so-to-speak, is to do with this underlying power struggle that plagues many relationships (when I say power struggle, I mean in terms of egos battling, in a relationship). Many people don’t want to ‘make the first move’, say I love you too much, be vulnerable to their partner/show their vulnerability, show love as often as they should, because they fear that the other person may then have more ‘power’, or ‘control’ of the situation.

This doesn’t just happen in relationships – it happens in friendships as well. And, it is a common trait among women these days. Men do this, too. But I think you’ll know what I mean when I say that, as a group of women in this modern age, many are taught to be independent and ‘strong’, and have the ability to ‘not be hurt’.

Pain is a part of life

The reality is that, no matter how much we want to avoid pain, it’s going to come. Pain is a part of life. It’s there to remind us that we are alive. Unfortunately, in today’s society, honesty (and I mean REAL honesty, not insensitive bluntness disguised as honesty) and showing our emotions/vulnerabilities is not encouraged.

Surrendering and power

This is where the idea of ‘surrendering’ to a man can be mistaken to mean ‘the man has the power’, or that ‘the man has control of the woman’, or the idea that ‘the man is oppressing the woman’, and that the women is WEAK. This is not true. If a woman shows her vulnerability, then it seems that she is ‘weak’.

In a loving relationship, there is no such thing as power, or control. Both spouses are equal, yet different. One of the most beautiful things about a relationship is that the feminine energy can feed a masculine man’s heart. And, the masculine energy can totally light up the feminine energy.

The feminine energy is never truly free unless and until the masculine energy shows up for real, and is ready and wiling to protect and serve. Both energies need to feed each other. I won’t deny that it IS hard for women to be truly feminine in today’s society, because there are lots of terribly egocentric people around, and once they see vulnerability – they will step all over it. Especially women. In fact, women are the worst to other women.

If you look carefully, it is the modern ‘butch’ type woman who senses vulnerability in a more feminine woman and tramples all over it. But, given the masculine energy, no feminine woman has to be afraid, if she has or is able to attract a masculine man in to her life, because she knows that he is there to protect if and when she needs it.

Surrendering to Masculine energy

The idea behind surrendering to the masculine energy, is not becoming more masculine to survive, no longer fearing it; and needing to stand up to it or fight it – but to trust it and let it protect you, and to actually let it have its own role in your life. That’s what it’s there for. A lot of men do use their masculine energy in a very bad way (rape, sexual/mental/emotional abuse). But, we are not looking to attract these types of men, and whilst you should always be alert and aware of that type of man, we need to nourish and encourage the men who use their masculine energy for the better.

Surrendering means letting go. And trusting, and letting a man (or woman) take care of you when you need it. It’s also about letting him in, and liberating yourself from your fears.

Masculine and feminine core energy is very much about sex. But, this does not always mean you must have sex to express this energy, not at all!! Sexual energy encompasses the mind, body, soul and spirit. SO many women have trouble truly opening up and letting go during sex. And, that’s u

nderstandable. These days, the word ‘slut’ is thrown around a fair bit, and most women don’t prefer to be labelled a slut.

But, any normal person knows and understands that having sex is a part of life, and it’s there to be enjoyed. Human beings are made to procreate! By the way, might I just say that, if you don’t have an orgasm (most women don’t) it’s not because of anything other than your mindset. And not opening up and relaxing fully.

What does surrendering to masculine energy involve?

- You have to be 100% in your feminine energy at a given time to fully be open to/surrender and let the masculine energy in. Femininity is beautiful, and any masculine man will live AND die for it. My man tells me that the masculine energy is here to protect, and I believe this wholeheartedly.

All we have to do is look at the large number of powerful movies about some villain who slaughters a man’s family or wife/girlfriend, and what that man becomes when this happens to him. Think of the movies Death Sentence, A Man Apart, Law Abiding Citizen, Taken, and Man On Fire (get them and watch them if you haven’t already) :)

The simple message taken from these movies is: never take away a man’s wife and children, or a woman who is close to him in his life.

- The more feminine you are, the more masculinity you will trigger in a man. If you want to experience powerful sexual drive, passion, and aliveness, let go of the past hurts, the pains, the men who may have hurt you or taken advantage of you (or the women), let go of your need to be ‘in control’, let go of the need to be ‘strong’ and vicious.

Once you really let go and learn to breathe and relieve yourself of the past pain and suffering, you can and WILL either attract that masculine/loving male in to your life, or if you are taken, you will bring out the most amazing and intense masculinity in your man – and not only that, but you and your man will be able to heal each other.

Resisting masculine energy

- Don’t resist the masculine energy. At times, it may seem like a man is angry, moody, or intense and perhaps these things may scare you or cause YOU to become more defensive (very common problem)/angry/resentful/pushy/aggressive. Instead, despite how intense or intimidating he may seem, smile to yourself and know where it all comes from. Feel confident that the FEMININE energy CAN and always will be able to handle the masculine energy (without matching its aggression and anger). And, not only HANDLE it, but inspire it, drive it, and influence it!

The more you let go of emotional, sexual and physical resistance, the better your love life or dating life will become. You will also have the sex life that other humans only dream of. And, your man will be so smitten by you and the purpose you give him that he would never want to leave. (there are definitely other big purposes and roles in a man’s life, other than the life he has with his woman; and I do acknowledge this of course).

- Surrender with love, acceptance and openness completely and fully to the masculine energy. Whilst a woman has her ‘ocean of emotion’, the man should understand this and be her rock during these times. If a man lives in his masculine, he equally understands his responsibility and treats a woman’s vulnerabilities and emotions with strength and understanding.

- A woman’s feminine energy fuels a man’s masculine energy. Remember this when you feel resistance and tension in your relationship. If you are both in a bad state, remember that you can break a man’s state and get you both in to a more resourceful and loving place.

Bad states, arguments or tension can be broken by one or both of you working to bring out your true core (whether masculine or feminine) and removing the masks.

This also helps to create positive associations. Relationships break down because of too much negative association that outweighs the positive association.

Polarity

It’s like the positive and negative charges. This translates to the feminine and masculine energy. A woman ‘wearing the pants’ in a relationship is the worst thing that could happen. Whilst a woman should be able to hold her own, be a challenge to a man, have her own ideas, dreams and be able to influence people in her own feminine way – the man must have a very real masculine role with her and his family.

If two people are too similar, they’re more like friends. This is why sex is so important in a relationship. If sex is gone – then there’s not much left to your union as a man and a woman. You become more like housemates or companions.

And, really – most men just want women to relax, stop thinking about 150 million things at once (especially during sex) and make time for HIM, to be open to him and be intimate. And, intimacy is not just about sex. You must make your man feel important, and not second to the homemaking, your career, the children, your girlfriends, the laundry, feeding the dog, going shopping, visiting your parents, etc etc. Women always find  things to worry about or think about! :)

So, even though this may sound kind of cheesy – let your hair down, be a little crazy, out of control and have a good laugh or giggle about something that isn’t even that funny. Or, cry about something you’ve been meaning to for ages. Love things, rather than criticizing or turning your nose up at things. Revel in freedom and learn to LOVE and enjoy men and the role that they have. If you’re single, you’ll attract them like you wouldn’t believe. If you’re taken, you will still get interest, too ;) but, most importantly – you will have the most amazing relationship.

Men just cannot resist a woman who loves and respects men. And I mean genuinely. I don’t mean the kind of woman who just wants to sleep around. I mean true appreciation and acceptance of masculinity.

And, I’d like to leave off with this quote: “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it” – RUMI

I hope you enjoyed this article. :)

Have a lovely day!

Renee the feminine woman

 

zp8497586rq

72 Comments

  • Sasha Rose

    March 4, 2013

    Your butch comment is offensive, ignorant, and disgusting. I am a very feminine lesbian, and I only date stone butches (very masculine lesbians). They do not trample on feminine women. Butches embrace and adore their femme counterparts and typically, as long as the butch is healthy, will not do anything harmful on purpose. It’s the same as with men, except that butch women have menstrual cycles (and understand women’s bodies better from personal experience), are usually kinder, express love directly more often, and don’t go bald. I was on track with some of your writing tips, because I believe in the balancing of energies, but your butch comment, made in utter distaste and possibly even discrimination, has turned my stomach. Besides this, you obviously don’t proofread your articles for mistakes; it is quite apparent and annoying, and in addition to the fact that at times you are writing with little regard to your “tone”, which does not always reflect respect for whom your audience may be. This is rather unladylike and I am saddened to say that I will be boycotting your books and site from now on.

  • bob

    February 28, 2013

    Your pretty much on the money… the more submissive a women is in the bedroom with her real lover ( husbands or long time relationship ) the more the men goes nuts and does whatever it takes to please her sexually and financially

    Its a huge turn on for a dominant men sexually when his lover accepts his request or makes his fantasies happen… If hes a whack job in space with his requests or fetishes, hes probably off deep down emotionally, and not worth it

    as a man, im telling you, when wifey does these things, i go wild and shes more then taken off sexually, emotionally and financially… The men feels extremly happy coming home to his women, cause she makes him feel alive and appreciated, never underestimate the power that good sex has, along with good communication

  • Adele

    February 19, 2013

    When I was getting to know my boyfriend, I felt resistance in my body and mind. It was powerful. I really was scared to let him in and share my heart. I felt like a wild horse. but somehow I gave in and let myself trust him. Its still an ongoing process. but it can feel like death when you feel those walls coming down. But the love I feel for him is deeper now.

  • Arthur

    December 17, 2012

    Great article. I need to learn how to be a man and a nice guy at the same time.

  • Jahanara

    December 8, 2012

    I have to admit, as a beginning gedaenrr, I did have that cosmos prejudice that you talk about in . Guess it comes from every single person in my hood planting their tree squares with the Exact. Same. Variety. You just get bored of seeing the same thing all the time, you know? Little did I know that there’s more to cosmos than the basic kind.

  • Delia

    December 1, 2012

    I can’t help but to laugh because that is how I felt when I was first told to be submissive. I thought that it meant that I had to put me aside and only do what my hubby wants me too. That outlook was wrong and in reading this article it states that we are here to compliment one another. We were created differently for a reason a man is masculine and a female is feminine. I love everything about it because it does not say loose yourself in admiring your man but use the tools given to you to uplift your man that in turn will fill your relationship up! I have to thank you for your words Renee wade and the way you wrote it because I am the manipulative, and egotistical woman that drives men away only because of my past hurts. Thanks again and God bless!

  • Lyssah

    October 16, 2012

    Hello Renae,

    Thank you so much for your words, they make a lot of sense. I am an engineer and have struggled for years on how to properly show my feminine energy. I have endured two failed marriages and it is time to stop and figure out the problem. I want to show this beautiful energy to the men in my life and make them feel strong, competant, loved, and respected. Your article is very convincing on the concept of allowing ourselves to reveal our energy, can you provide a method to accomplish it and more examples of how a woman may be displaying masculine energy? It is honestly never apparant to me that the way I behave out of love may be emasculating the ones I care about.
    Thank you, wonderful advice! :)

    Lyssah

  • KMFDM

    February 25, 2012

    This article fails so much.. but I guess it’s because I’m a transgender man who hasn’t transitioned and is pissed about this stuff. Maybe if I was a ciswoman who related to women I would actually not see this for the idiotic gender-binary nonsense that it is. Why does everyone think that MEN are ENTITLED to this so-caled “‘masculine’ energy”? Why is it “masculine” to be strong, independent, have fun, invent, play video games, sports (other competitive games), enjoy science and math, win at stuff and to be “feminine” is to be some boring, spineless submissive that stays in the kitchen to make sammiches, put on make-up and high heels (because her only POWER is beauty, amirite?) and is a f**k toy for whatever man she “surrenders” to? Gawd am I glad I’m not like a woman. Also, feminists piss me off too because they’re blatantly sexist and hate men. Being yourself and having a strong, winning energy (why does it have to be trademarked as “masculine”) shouldn’t f’n “castrate” anyone. Why should any woman have to walk on f’n eggshells around men lest they “castrate” the “energy” he thinks he’s entitled to by mere birthright? It’s stupid. It all boils down to energy rape. Thank you. *still recovering from a hangover but bi-winning*

  • Michele K

    October 1, 2011

    Thank you, I was amazed to find an article that articulated my beliefs so well. I am 44 and want to find a relationship with a man who welcomes a submissive woman. I hope that it’s not too late for me.

  • David

    August 29, 2011

    As a stereotypical “alpha male” and “mans man”, I have to say I found this article to be incredibly wise and insightful. In an age where our society emasculates men, and truly feminine women are becoming an endangered species, I cannot tell you how refreshing it is to see a woman who really “gets” it.

    This is an outstanding article and should be required reading for every woman who aspires to have a happy, joyful and fulfilled relationship. There are just too many highlights for me to single out as every word rings true. What a relief to know that there are still ladies out there who truly understand the male soul.

    Your point about men and women being equal but different is at the heart of the matter. The greatest mistake that feminism (in its nuttier variants) made is the confusion between equality and uniformity. MEN AND WOMEN ARE NOT THE SAME, nor were they ever meant to be the same. We are fundamentally different in many ways. These differences are what make us the perfect complement to each other (I accept thats sometimes hard to believe lol), and as such should be understood and celebrated, rather than demonised and denied.

    For me the following just sums it up perfectly:

    “Men just cannot resist a woman who loves and respects men. And I mean genuinely. I don’t mean the kind of woman who just wants to sleep around. I mean true appreciation and acceptance of masculinity.”

    Yes, yes YES! Nothing is a bigger turn off to most men than a cold, aggressive masculine bitch (this constituency is pretty much monopolised by extreme feminists). Conversely nothing is more attractive than a woman who is secure enough in her femininity to understand and appreciate her man, to “surrender” to him without viewing it as a weakness, instead of engaging in manipulative power struggles and seeking to castrate him at every turn. This does NOT mean allowing yourself to be treated as a doormat. It simply means allowing him to express his deepest instincts, which are to love, protect and provide for his woman.

    If only all women could be a man for a day, they would understand how true this is. The closest female equivalent is probably her deeply primal instinct to nurture and protect her offspring. The desire to be a mother is so powerful, and most women understand the terrible emotional consequences when this instinct is frustrated and a woman is denied the chance to have children. Well, men suffer similarly when this deepest part of us is denied expression, usually due to having a partner who is still fighting the gender wars and jockying for control in the relationship. To have a woman who not only accepts this aspect of us but who welcomes and appreciates it is such a blessing and a relief.

    This is at the core of our identity as a man, and any woman who understands it has found the key to a mans heart. There is no influence more powerful in a mans life than the love of a woman. Such a woman wields incalculable influence over her mate, probably more than she will ever realise.

    Now if only we could get the word out…..

    • Michele K

      October 1, 2011

      You’re exactly right. I was raised with 2 sisters by parents who taught us “equality” and am, by their judgement, a great success in life. I have children and am a single mother with a home of my own, and appear to be juggling everything so well. But I am completely unfulfilled and I am positive that this is why. I need to undo all of the lessons that sounded like “Anything he can do, she can do better.”

    • Raff

      June 19, 2012

      I like this guy. Bwahaha “Hey look at me, I’m a *stereotypical* alpha male, man’s man” (!)
      Quite an alpha, innit! It’s gonna be my entry line anywhere.

  • Robin

    May 13, 2011

    Another beautiful post, Renee. I consider myself a feminist, I’m self-sufficient, confident and definitely don’t think any of these have to be mutually exclusive. These are things I’m coming to realize in my life as true and a path towards higher grounds and happiness. But you put it so eloquently.

  • P

    April 7, 2011

    “you can and WILL either attract that masculine/loving male in to your life”

    Renee, almost certain? :)

  • P

    April 7, 2011

    u are welcome dear. ♥

  • Stephenie

    November 25, 2010

    Wow this was a very interesting post. I found it informative though a tad late LOL. Should have seen this forty years ago LOL :)

    And other then Ashley [who obviously has a hate on for someone] I also found most of the comments rather refreshing and informative as well. :)

    Keep up the good work here. It is appreciated. Even if you can’t edit out the bad parts. :)

  • Ashley

    November 24, 2010

    I read this article and another one of yours…and they made me want to cry.

    First of all, there is nothing wrong with being a strong woman–who is dominant. I know plenty of dominant women who love their men and their relationships work just fine. There is such a thing as a submissive man, you know. Or just a man and a woman in a relationship. One doesn’t have to be a dominant or submissive (to which there is no assigned gender, as an addition). That’s why they’re called “partners”. Equality? What you speak of doesn’t allow for equality. The woman is either practically groveling or manipulating “her man” (or she has him by the balls and wears the pants, which is
    “wrong”). When you utter the phrase “make your man _____” , that is what we in the civilized world call manipulation. I don’t need to make my man do a damn thing–he has his own emotions and is fully in charge of them. Your opinion of men seems more like it is patronizing them rather than acknowledging them as a supposed equal entity. You have to make your man realize ‘this’, feel ‘this’, act ‘this’ way…because they can’t do it on their own? They are simple and we are complicated? Don’t they have brains just like we do? I read this to “my man” and he was irritated by your portrayal of males.

    –For the record, I am in a loving, straight, D/s relationship with a man and I am a *feminist* submissive. That being said, submission is NOT RIGHT FOR ALL WOMEN. I made this choice on my own instead of feeling like I was forced into it. Submission is a given as a gift, not considered a requirement in our world. If it is expected of you or demanded, it is more like imprisonment. Being submissive doesn’t mean I don’t have an opinion or that I manipulate his feelings to make him feel more masculine. He is already a man!

    “Feel confident that the FEMININE energy CAN and always will be able to handle the masculine energy (without matching its aggression and anger). And, not only HANDLE it, but inspire it, drive it, and influence it!”

    My ‘energy’ doesn’t need to ‘handle’ his. (You act as if men are out of control beasts and we are timid and must tame them by manipulation–but heaven forbid we act “masculine” while we’re doing it, because that makes us too “butch”) Seriously? I don’t want to influence him–I wouldn’t want to regardless of what type of relationship we were in. We work together, not against one another.

    From your article on how to be submissive: “If you doubt your man all the time, he could do something to hurt you, but if you’re more innocent and trusting (now, not completely innocent) he will want to hurt you less. Lots of women actually subconsciously push their men to do terrible things to them because this is the man’s subconscious retaliation or expression of frustration and feeling trapped.”

    Seriously? First of all, unless I’m given a reason to, I usually don’t doubt “my man”, and regardless of whether I do or not, it shouldn’t give him any cause to want to hurt me. Secondly, I don’t subconsciously push anyone to do anything; if my Dominant slaps or beats me out of anger, that’s HIS problem and he should be in control of his own faculties (and vice-versa). That is abuse and he knows I would leave right then and there. I watched my mother get abused growing up and was emotionally abused myself by my father. I am a grown ass woman. You hit me, I leave, regardless of whether you were “subconsciously driven to it” or not. Simple as that.

    When I read some of the comments left on here, I was again saddened and yet repulsed at the same time.

    “After all, we blokes had to fight for our, and your lunch way back when, so that NEED is ingrained in us. FIGHT, CONQUER, PROVIDE, = sex and reproduction. And the girls have taken the equality movement too far in my books. Sure, study whatever you like, do whatever job that interests you, be ABLE to look out for your own needs, have your say in the world, do whatever you need to do in your life to be happy. That is equality. Then it goes too far with girls competing with boys in the dumb and destructive behaviours. Girls, way back when boys were fighting for lunch, your role was to nurture and care for children and friends and last thing in the day, your man, the provider. GATHER, NURTURE, SEX = providence and protection”

    I’m sorry, sir…I assume you’re a man, but then, the men I know would never denigrate a woman in such a way. We do NOT live in prehistoric times anymore. Perhaps at one point, a woman’s job was to cook, care for a multitude of children, and clean the home. That isn’t so anymore, and ohmygod, you can like, totally blame us edumicated wimmens for that! Damn education, making us realize our potential! So sorry not all of us are barefoot and pregnant, rubbing our men’s feet and having loads of sex with them when they come home from a hard day at the office. We are instead, making a name for ourselves and succeeding in the business world, despite the numerous attempts to deny us equality in the workplace. As far as engaging in “dumb” activities, if a woman wants to play football, basketball, wrestle, or lift weights, so be it. It isn’t my preference, but she’s a free person and has the right to pursue such activities.

    You are part of what is wrong with society’s view of women today, Ms. Renee. You and people like “Rob”. How can we ever hope to move forward when you are holding us back?

    I am a strong feminist woman. And I am far from a “ball-buster”. But I will damn sure hold my own in the world. I don’t need a man by my side to do so. The fact that I have one standing by me in all that I do attests to the fact that I must be doing something right. What about you?

    • brock

      November 25, 2010

      You sound like a stereotypical feminazi. Chip on your shoulder because certain men abused you and your mom. You are NOT a real woman. Deep down all women want a strong masculine man who can provide, protect and care for them. There are plenty of intelligent women with Phds who excel in the world but are not afraid to be a woman in the relationship. Feminism is a dieing fad. Renee actually has a law degree and does not emasculate her man. Men and women are equal but not the same. It is all biological instincts.

      • Ashley

        November 25, 2010

        Um…and yet, you’re completely wrong. I *am* the woman in the relationship. The only one, in fact. The submissive one. You must have missed that part of my reply. I don’t emasculate any man. But I refuse to “bow down” to all men and do not believe that women are in any way inferior to men.

        And, I’m sorry, but how could you possibly empathize with the plight of women? I get sympathizing, sure, but unless you are in my shoes, living my life, or living all the lives of all the women in the world, you can’t possibly speak for them. So saying ALL women want a “strong, masculine man” doesn’t mean bupkis to me. It makes me laugh, especially since the definitions of femininity and masculinity are different in certain societies. You are also forgetting lesbians. But…do they really desire women in your eyes? Or do they just need to be shown “the way” by a strong man?

        If we are comparing by stereotypes, you sound to me like the “typical” macho man that thinks all women should kneel before him and worship his awesomeness, but I am probably wrong. At least, I hope I am.

        I am not saying that Renee is an idiot. And I may not have a law degree, but that doesn’t make me any less intelligent. I’m currently a history major and have sat through several classes in psychology where women’s sexuality was discussed and am currently in a social psychology course. I am a psych minor. I thought I might know a little something about this subject myself, but apparently you know more.

        Also, nowhere did I say that Renee emasculated her partner.

        Guess what. The things that separate you and I are far outnumbered by the things that link us, besides a few body parts and chemicals that you produce more of than I do. We really aren’t that different.

        I also love the fact that you read my reply and think you know my whole life from it. Way to “read between the lines”. Yes, I suffered abuse. But I got over it. Therapy does wonderful things. And *gasp* my therapist was a man!

        Feminism is far from a fad. It is a way of living. And it isn’t gone yet.

      • Ashley

        November 25, 2010

        By the way, l would LOVE to know what you think a REAL woman is? Please, enlighten me.

        • Rob

          November 25, 2010

          Ashley,

          You quote my post, yet you paraphrase it to make it suit your misandristic views.

          What I said relates to the condition of being a human, male and female. Being an intelligent, free thinking and educated Darwinist, I believe that humans are still animals in a base state driven by their primal hard wiring. Read my post again and tell me how I have offended women or put them down. We are all functioning off a base program that runs deeper than any psychologist can unravel. Women and men look for traits in a partner that offset their own so as to give their potential spawn a stronger chance at the tough life ahead. They do this on a level below the conscious and are unable to explain why they “spark” with some and not others! FACT. plain and simple.

          Humans and wolves created a mutualistic bond millenia ago, which allowed us both to benefit and survive in tougher conditions than either species could alone. In all the eons since this partnership began, we have actually evolved slightly, the domestic dog is more placid, smaller, weaker, has poorer senses than his wolf ancestor, man has become weaker, yet his cranium has advanced to allow a larger brain which in turn allows a higher process thinking… but a dog will still attack you when he is cornered, his base instincts are still there, just muted. So too are the base instincts of the humans. Eat. Procreate. Survive.

          You jump on Renee about her use of the term “make your man…..” yet you fail to realise that we all do this all the time, when you want sex, do you just jump on and expect performance? Does your man do this to you? Or do you prefer some romance, some kissing, some snuggling, a massage, a nice glass of wine or two? So does he “make you want” sex by inspiring the mood? Do you get him to go shopping with you because he wants to go? or because he wants you to feel special by being there, so “he makes you” appreciate him by a simple gesture on his behalf. Being a psych student, surely you can see that ALL human interaction is a manipulation one way or the other. You think someone is cool, so you set out to impress the same image on them by your UNCONSCIOUS body language, you mirror their stance, you adjust your clothes, play with your hair, lick your lips. ALL HUMAN INTERACTION IS A MANIPULATION!!!!!!!! This is not a negative thing, this is how we communicate without words, more than 50% of communication is non verbal!!! This is why international relationships have been formed, this is how we survive initial meetings.

          Tell me, do you wear make-up? If you do then you are painting on the body’s natural signals of health, arousal and interest…. “to make people” see you in that way. You can dress it how you like, but the fact remains, that make-up was designed to mirror the bodies very own arousal and health signals….. to improve the chance of gaining a favorable mate….. more manipulation. Women are 10 times more able to pick up on the subtleties of body language and pheromone scents, because reading those signs was more important to her longevity and well-being than it was to the male. His strength lies in judging speed, direction, angles, trajectory, his skin is thicker and has less nerve endings in it, his field of vision is narrower, he distinguishes less colours(because a mammoth is a mammoth is a mammoth regardless if it is pink, purple or muted puce. Woman learned to distinguish colours because that pretty red berry was tasty, the other pretty reddish berry would kill you.

          Women and Men are DIFFERENT and as such need to be treated differently. Just as some men don’t know how to treat a woman, some women don’t know how to treat a man, don’t go getting all high and mighty over a basic help blog that tries to show some people a way that can work, based on the human condition. Men still make mistakes and hurt a woman’s feelings, women still make mistakes and hurt their men. We are all base animals and will react to that hurt in our own ways. You were hurt by a man in the past and the scars are still showing through in the way you present yourself. If you want to kid yourself and say that you are all better now, that it has no effect on you, take a really hard look at your life and you will see where you are wrong. I am not saying that it is wrong to carry your scars, but don’t deny them, they have created the person you are today, and if you are truly happy with that person then they are part of that person. Trying to hide them will tear you apart in the long run, please trust me on this.

          • Ashley

            November 25, 2010

            You are certainly entitled to your opinions, Rob. I am not a hardcore Darwinist, and therefore, do not agree with most of what you have said. I do agree that to a point, humans can be animalistic.

            Just because we are different in certain ways (and I still say what we have in common outnumbers what we don’t) does not mean in any way that a woman is supposed to submit or be inferior. That is what I took from the articles I have read on here, and that is what my true problem is. Forgive me if I misunderstood the point of what you were originally trying to say.

            I do agree a lot with this reply on the differences in men and women, but disagree that women’s equality has gone far enough or that I in any way manipulate “my man”. When he wants sex, we have it. When I want sex, I say “hey, wanna have sex?” and then we have it. Of course we fool around first, etc. but to me, that isn’t manipulation, that is pleasuring my partner. Which is something that is mutually done.

            I rarely wear makeup (thank God I don’t need it yet). As far as the abuse goes, I did get over it. The acts themselves. Do I still think about it occasionally? Sure. If I am yelled at by another man, does it affect me a little? Of course. How could it not? By me saying “I got over it”, I meant that it doesn’t rule my life anymore, and I don’t take it (abuse) from anyone. I was a scared little turtle in a shell before I went to therapy for that and now, I feel like a phoenix, risen from the ashes. I refuse to go back to that way of thinking, that way of being.

        • Hank

          November 25, 2010

          Dearest Sweetheart Ashley…
          I’m sorry for your pain.

          If i could take all your pain away, I would.

          I know it’s been unfair for you and yet despite, you educated yourself and remained passionate when most would have quit.

          You have a very strong fighting spirit, you must have overcome enormous obstacles in the past. You needed to be strong when things got tough.

          Nobody is criticizing the way you live and the decisions you’ve made. We can’t, none of us has ever been in your shoes. I know you stand for justice, and “Fair”ness is a HUGE thing in your life, true?

          And I think a lot of women could do with your help and your resolve, to guide them out of their shitholes.

          But I’m just curious…

          You sound like a feminine soul who loves to read beautiful novels, paint a painting like Allie from “the notebook” on a Sunday afternoon, watch an exciting movie…

          But what you said makes me think…

          When was the last time you danced around like Julie Andrews in “The sound of music” in the meadow?

          When was the last time you felt safe in a presence of someone who was there to look after you?

          • Ashley

            November 25, 2010

            Let’s see…I watched the Sound of Music a month ago, I sing every day, I love to paint, and I am in a relationship with a man that I love dearly–who helped me learn what safe means and continues to do so. He reminds me every day how lucky I am to be with him.

            My fighting spirit I got from my mother. Blame her for my being a “bitch”. But I’m not ashamed of it. I’m proud. And when I have kids some day, I will pass that onto them as well.

            The reply I gave originally wasn’t to “hate” on anyone (the second one–perhaps a little). But I have watched women get discriminated against my whole life, including myself. And to me, things like what Renee writes allows the discrimination to continue. And that is what irritates me more than anything. That and women/men who believe women belong nowhere else but the “kitchen”.

            • brock

              November 25, 2010

              By default women want strong masculine men who provide, protect and care for her. It is her biological instinct. Deep down all women feel this way. You just have to strip down the layers of social conditioning from feminists who try to brainwash girls into believing they are weak for being a feminine woman.

        • brock

          November 25, 2010

          Ashley and her mom were abused. That is why she is a man hating feminist. She is a weak little girl that puts up a defense barrier against men because of the past. She cannot surrender to men because she feels weak and vulnerable around a strong masculine man.

    • Sachmet

      November 25, 2010

      Hello everone, please hold your fire, I come in peace ;-)

      I can’t help but mentioning a few things that came to my mind when I read this conversation/argument.

      First of all, Brock: Could you (and everybody else in the whole wide world for that matter) please, please, PLEASE stop with this feminazi nonsense? I am German and it always makes me cringe when people throw around the word nazi in a context in which it does not belong and fit. It makes me wonder if these people know what this word means at all. Feminism and Naziism (is this a word?) make especially strange bedfellows as to the Nazis women were little more than breeders for future soldiers.
      I also think that we really should not throw sentences like “You are not a real woman/man/whatever.” into each other’s faces. In the 21. century we should all be beyond this and “being a woman/man” should not be tied to a certain kind of behaviour. I think this stance has only ever brought suffering and misery to people because it makes them feel like there is something wrong with them and they have to “become someone else”.

      Next, hello Ashley: I think I do understand your “problems” with the two articles you read to some extent. I had a bit of a bumby start with this blog myself (hadn’t I, Renee).
      Without reading both articles again, I feel, however, that you misinterpreted some points.

      1.
      You write that you are in a D/s relationship and that submission is not for every woman. You are perfectly right here. To advice every woman to enter such a kind of relationship would be highly irresponsible. But the point is: D/s submission and the submission and surrender Renee is talking about here are two different kind of submissions altogether. I am absolutely sure that Renee would never ever recommend any woman to try any kind of BDSM activity/relationship if that woman was not absolutely sure that this was her cup of tea.
      But in many (if not all) relationships there is a “natural”, not-D/s kind of dominance and submission involved. There are people who naturally like to lead and people who are more inclined follow and give in. And in my experience, many men (not all, of course) prefer to lead because there sense of masculinity seems somehow to be linked to being the dominant one. Maybe you can prove me wrong but I found that it is much easier for a man to take the second step when the woman took the first one. I think this is the kind of submission Renee is talking about: Many men feel easily emasculated when they (have to) follow a woman’s lead so this is a difficult thing for them to do. So the two of them can either try to beat each other into submission and see who has got more stamina or the woman may take the first step, “show him the way” to a compromise. Of course you could argue whether this is “right” or that taking the first step actually requires more strength than taking the second one and if a “real man” can actually want this, but this is not the point. The point is that this is the way it is and that we have to live with it if we like it or not and we should accept it as valid and okay and not a deficiency that has to be corrected. And with this knowledge and understanding we can either act to make our lives easier or more complicated.

      By the way, I did not understand those two articles in a way that a woman should constantly submit and/or surrender. If my memory serves me right Renee actually wrote in the article on submission that this was something you could do ocassionally and not a permanent state.

      2. The problem that a woman may subconsiously make a man hurt her
      I am ready to bet everything I own that Renee did in no way mean that a man may rightfully beat his wife or girlfriend up as kind of “retaliation” for her behaviour and that it would be entirely her fault. This article is not meant to justify abuse and violence in a relationship. I think what Renee means is this: Sometimes a person says or does something that is not at all meant to insult or provocate us but nevertheless it triggers all defense systems within us, it makes us snap at the person, say ugly things we regret later or run from the room cursing and slamming doors. We might not be able to tell what caused our reaction, we were totally on autopilot and if we analyse our behaviour later we will probably realise that it was highly exaggerated, maybe even ridiculous.
      I think the ways men might “retaliate” to women Renee had in mind are more along this way. He might deprive her of his attention, not give compliments, “forget” their anniversary and plan a pub tour with his friends instead, he may stubbornly refuse to move even an inch in a discussion, find no time to repair the lawnmower for weeks on end etc. etc. He will probably not do this on purpose and because he wants to hurt her, he will be on autopilot (a few days later he might even want to beat himself up literally for it).
      And again, we might hate this but we are actually all prone to this kind of behaviour. If a woman knows this it means that she can work her way around such traps in all those situations that are really not worth a fight (of course, there are situations that are worth a fight :-)).

      3. The “dumb things” in Rob’s comment
      I do not think that Rob wanted to say that women should not participate in certains sports (or, let’s go a step further, not work and own their own money). Actually, that you mentioned football, wrestling and weight lifting as “dumb things” says more about your own view on these sports than about what Rob wanted to say here.
      I interpreted those “dumb things” as activities that have no advantage or benefit whatsoever. They are always destructive no matter if a man or a woman does them. I think of things like excessive drinking, smoking, drug abuse, speeding, drink-and-drive etc. For a very long time the vast majority of people who did those things were men but nowadays it is not unusual for a woman to do the same. And I agree with Rob that this is very sad interpretation of “equality”. Having the same rights as another person means that you can do everything the other person does, not that you have to.

      4. May I give you my interpretation on what “surrendering to masculine energy” means (although this surely does not cover every aspect Renee would see in it or that she covered in her article)?
      I believe that in every man there is a Golden Retriever and a wild, totally untamed wolf (just for the record, I also think that in every woman there is a sweet kitten and roaring tigress). While over the last decades women have been encouraged to get in touch with their tigress, to let her out and play, men have been told that only their Golden Retriever is welcome and that their wolf has to be kept in its cage. To me this masculine energy that Renee talks about and that is intense, sometimes even scary is this wolf. So, surrendering in this case would mean that, when the wolf surfaces, you are okay and comfortable with that, neither do you run screaming for the hills nor do you grab the largest frying pan you can find and beat the wolf back into its cage.

      My last point, feminism has done great things for women (in the Western world). It basically gave us our own lives back and has freed us of centuries of being second-class people. I am very grateful to those women who fought for their and subsequently my rights and thus gave me the chance to live the life I want to. And I think you are right, there is still “room for improvement” and many issues feminists bring up today are very valid. But it also made intimate relationships a lot more complicated by breaking up those traditional gender roles. In my opinion this is a great chance we are provided with because for the very first time men and women are free to built their relationships on what feels right to them and on what they need and not on what society/religion/tradition/… tells them. You might be right that what men and women have in common outnumbers the differences. Nevertheless, those differences have caused an awful lot of trouble over the last decades (which is quite natural because as humans we tend to be much more aware of the differences than of what he have in common). While over centuries men set the standards for what was right and valid, today both genders fight for the right to set those standards. Very often we try to put the other gender down and lift ourselves up, portraying our way of “being different” as superior and so on. If we want to end this “war”, we have to start to listen, come to know and really understand and accept each other. We have to truly acknowledge that the way the other gender reacts/behaves/thinks is just as valid as our way to react/behave/think. And this is what this blog has done for me. I do not intent to become a Stepford wife (I would be totally useless in this role), I do not think that I am inferior to men, I am perfectly able to take care of myself and I do not want to turn the time back (and I am pretty sure that Renee and the majority of people who follow this blog do not want to turn time back either). But this blog helps me to understand those “strange creatures” men can be at times better, reflect on my behaviour or way of thinking about men and relationships and it helps me to get in touch with the more gentle, submissive part of myself that I ignored for quite some time. This does not mean that I will now ignore or chain up the strong and sometimes rather tough Sachmet. No way! She is who I am but this gentle and rather submissive Sachmet is also who I am and it is sooo exciting to bring those ladies together ;-).

      So, enough of my rambling. I hope what I wrote did make some sense and that I did not unintentionally add even more fuel to this fire.

      • Rob

        November 25, 2010

        Nicely put Sachmet. You understood my meaning and you have expanded on this conversation beautifully. I understood Renee’s post much as you have explained it, so that is a good sign that it is the way she wanted it read! And I do agree, we men are strange creatures indeed, but women are just as strange! :P

    • Rene

      November 29, 2010

      Amen.

  • groovylicious

    November 10, 2010

    I really enjoyed your articles…my marriage is suffering and I cant for the life of me figure out what the problem is. But I do have a question and I know this may go against the being feminine to the core but how can you appeal to the man’s protectivness or leadership when you (the female) has to be the leader? How do you express in a non threatening way you need him?

  • Rae

    November 4, 2010

    Thanks so much!!! This has helped me get a new perspective on some things I am trying to attempt in my own life about becoming more femanine and submissive, especially in a godly way.

    Thanks!!

  • Kira

    October 8, 2010

    This might sound a bit strange but the most memorable time I’ve ever had sex was when I cried during it (not hysterically but I let my tears flow out without trying to stop them). It wasn’t that I was crying because of him, rather it had to do with letting myself go and letting him in. It triggered an emotional release and I was finally free from the binds that I thought were holding me together and I gave him myself freely. I told him a story with my body and feelings and went out of this world with him to another place. The same man that I used to dread being in bed with transformed into something truly amazing and unforgettable all because I let him. Right before that, I let him release his locked up feelings and I knew that he was afraid so I didn’t judge, I heard his voice, his real genuine voice and he let me hear it. I understood him, not all because he is a man and I am a woman but the main idea was evident. He didn’t feel good enough, he didn’t feel like a man and I being so closed off and scared made him feel that way. That night, I gave him myself and ever since then our relationship has progressed exponentially. I still hit a few rough spots, but he’s starting to express and I’m starting to understand and appreciate him more.

  • P

    August 6, 2010

    Again i need to thank you :)
    i like reading this one :)

  • Jwen

    June 28, 2010

    Dearest Renee I feel personally, it does seem like you’re asking us to try a little too hard. There are just so many things to ‘do’ and ‘change’, and while perhaps some of us have been shaped to be un-feminine, you are telling us that we should re-mould ourselves AGAIN, this time to fit the ‘feminine form’.

    I really do love that you are trying so hard to help us all become better women and receive greater love, but after a few months of reading your blog and following your advice, I realized that I was slowly losing myself, who I am, on my path to becoming a ‘truly feminine woman’. I did look back, somewhat shocked and confused. And would it not be boring and bland if each and every woman on earth has been successfully converted to a ‘feminine woman’, following a given template and a standard mindset of feminity? :(

    So I think while you certainly do provide wonderful revelations and advice – and I truly thank you for all that insight -, instead of following your solutions word-for-word, I would much rather read, digest and integrate not all, only those that I feel work best for me, as an individual :) Again, thank you, and I hope no offense has been caused by my words!

    • Renee

      June 28, 2010

      Hi Jwen! Thanks for your comment. That sounds like a great idea. That is my wish: for people to take what they want (what suits them) from my blogs, and leave the rest.

      Everyone is at a different stage of their lives – and in no way, ever, should ANYONE just follow everything somebody says, word-for-word. We all have to take what we want. The idea for readers of this blog (what I want) is for women to feel more free. Hence, like any blog, book, school of thought – one has to learn to think for themselves.

      And, unlike the traditional trashy places such as “Perez Hilton”, or any modern-day women’s magazine on the supermarket shelf, the point is to provide POSITIVE entertainment, advice and food for thought. Not the latest negative news and celebrity gossip.

      Thank You for your attention to the blog. I am forever grateful!

      Renee.

  • Patrick

    June 22, 2010

    I’m brand new to this site and all I can say is Renee is right on! Renee, did you use to be a guy? ;) Just kidding! It’s just that, it seems you’re reading my mind! :)

  • P

    June 21, 2010

    i just reread it :)
    i really like this one, and it is one of the earliest artices i read from your site :)

  • Rob

    May 28, 2010

    @ Grace. You have recognized the symptoms of the problem of the androgynous treatment of people, we ARE and always will be different creatures, and therefore need to treat each other as such. Men in today’s society are lost, with no idea what our real directions should be. We have so much media hype telling us we need to be as feminine as the women around us and a body full of testosterone screaming at us to do all sorts of dumb and dangerous stuff…. (that is to stimulate our adrenal “fight or flight” reflex, lets us know we are alive still.) After all, we blokes had to fight for our, and your lunch way back when, so that NEED is ingrained in us. FIGHT, CONQUER, PROVIDE, = sex and reproduction.

    And the girls have taken the equality movement too far in my books. Sure, study whatever you like, do whatever job that interests you, be ABLE to look out for your own needs, have your say in the world, do whatever you need to do in your life to be happy. That is equality. Then it goes too far with girls competing with boys in the dumb and destructive behaviours. Girls, way back when boys were fighting for lunch, your role was to nurture and care for children and friends and last thing in the day, your man, the provider. GATHER, NURTURE, SEX = providence and protection

    Now we have men not needed to provide or protect, grossly under-skilled and unequipped to be nurturers and communicators. Totally unable to comprehend where they can actually fit into this new structure. We aren’t allowed to be men, we don’t want to be women, and we are hemmed in on most fronts, therefore the increase in random violence and fights and all the unsavoury actions associated to the youth of today.

    Men need to be men, men need women to be women, women want men to be men, but tell men they need to be more like women.

    IS IT ANY WONDER WE ARE CONFUSED?!?

    @ Jennifer. You dear lady, are absolutely correct!!!! Thank you for putting it so clearly!

  • Jennifer

    May 17, 2010

    Grace’s comment is wise and does reflect what HAS happened to many men – I’m a baby boomer! I can see a huge difference – can you imagine what it’s like to be single again( but genuinely embracing and enjoying it) and notice a difference in each gereration of men? We too took/take on fairly challenging careers: my friends? teachers, lawyers, a politician, sole business owners, architects, nurses etc and – all with higher degrees – past Masters often. BUT – men DID embrace us that way – I found that those who couldn’t were very insecure with their own perceived lack of achievement – which is why now, I only date men who are really happy – in themselves – and will not project their issues onto me. I look much younger for my age – and some men are even jealous of that! This blog might frighten Gen Y – but that which is true often scares us – we as women need to get back to the goddess stuff, so we can dazzle – so men can see past all the career/modern life issues that are realistically part of who we are, and get in touch with who they are. Men need to focus on their own issues – and get in touch with what really gets their engines running – not what society expects of them – They also need to get on track with tradition – at least know what that is! My generation had a really good time when we were young – but I see that men have come out of this strangely ‘lost’. They too easily stereotype females – the best sign I saw recently was: “This is what a feminist cooks like” on a cafe. I thought – how good is that! I’m no feminist but I’d like to make sure I promote myself to full advantage – I’m modern but – get me behind closed doors and see what you could be missing! So – this blog is highlighting that phrase – ‘inconvenient truth’ we’re all still – in essence different and want and expect the same things – but perhaps we need to concentrate on the image WE project as opposed to wondering about the issues the Other party has. I am woman – but I don’t need to ‘roar’ – sorry Helen (Reddy)- but I have all the physical, mental, intellectual, spiritual and sexual equipment to just be ME. It’s a normal modern world so I also possess the social and financial necessities as well – but we must preserve our feminity in order to recognise healthy masculinity. I hate the saying – women with balls – because there are too many men out there who think they have vaginas! So live life by today’s demands – BUT – constantly reinforce your femininity – “this is what a goddess looks/smells/talks/walks/dresses/smiles/screws/works/studies/invests/laughs like! But if you’re a woman and still not sure – read this blog! It’s needed.
    Come on Gen Y girls – do it ALL in the total female way. We need to bring men back by being women – the ones with the balls will want to survive sooner rather than later.
    Jennifer

  • Renee

    May 16, 2010

    Hello Grace – I will email you.

    -XxX-

  • twinkle

    May 16, 2010

    Grace, its everywhere: I’ve noticed when women have high-powered type jobs, the men either use their masculinity in a negative way or their wimps—I wish it weren’t so (I think women long time ago knew this and thats why they pretended to be dumb)part of being a man is caring for his family with his accomplishents ‘usually’; men don’t have uteruses.I think women could be what they want to be but ‘within limits’ and not compete with men

  • Grace

    May 16, 2010

    Renee, I have been reading several articles on your blog today. I find them interesting and inspiring, but also frightening. As a member of Generation Y, I’ve found that in general my female friends (as well as myself) tend to be smart, strong and successful. We have good career-oriented jobs, good heads on our shoulders, college degrees, and DRIVE. In our own way we are each caring and feminine, but take on masculine roles in society as accountants, engineers, lawyers etc. Our significant others (men of Gen Y) tend to have jobs which are generally much less career oriented than our own, or are in college. Most seem to be bumbling about truly lost on what they are doing or who they are. They seem to need us women to push or guide them. Where is their DRIVE? Personally, I find it all confusing and frustrating. How are we supposed to get along and find balance?

    I suppose it is possible that it’s just my friends and some other acquaintances who all coincidentally have these attributes. But I draw the conclusion that there is a trend in Generation Y. The men are confused and have lost touch with their masculinity, just as us women are feeling out our roles in society and are confused with our balance of femininity/ masculinity. Each of us deep down has the desire to be taken care of and embrace our femininity, but how can we achieve this until the men in our lives find their desire to/ and get in touch with their masculinity?

    I think your articles are insightful, but almost completely miss our generation which is quite lost in regards to femininity/ masculinity. Perhaps we are still too young, in our mid-20s to achieve balance. As generations go on we seem to be getting more immature while trying to grow up faster and faster. I think we are the ones who need the most help but are also the most afraid and offended by blogs like yours.

  • Peter Pan

    May 2, 2010

    So Alex wants kids but not marriage?

    Or she wants kids and wants someone else to pay for them (child support) while she stays single.

    No thanks Alex.

    Enjoy your cats.

    LOL at Jo. Get a grip.

  • Sarah

    April 21, 2010

    I’ve noticed in my family that the women who try to act like men have the least happiest marriages. Women shouldn’t sound or try to act like men.

    Being feminine isn’t about being submissive, it’s about providing the ying to the yang.

    If children have parents who are both aggressive, with high tempers, and demanding what kind of adults will they grow into?

    In my experience with men, men never respond well (or any woman as well) to threats, verbal insults, or aggressive behavior. Try a softer tone or stance. It works much better.

  • real

    April 8, 2010

    P.S. – The women in my family are all strong, independent feminists. However, they’re all desperate for a man. Some are confused as to why their marriages did not work out. Others wonder why their relationships fail repeatedly. I’ve been happily married for 15 years. Deballing my husband is not equality. I love his masculinity. I married a man so why would I want him to be sensitive and talkative like me? I have friends to relate to like that. I think in many ways the feminist movement helped, but in many ways it has CONFUSED women.

    If you want to be strong, but in the wrong way (like a man) why would he be attracted to that? A man doesn’t want to go to work and compete all day long THEN come home and compete with his woman. You don’t need research for that because it’s common sense to me. However, if you do then this blog is very helpful.

  • real

    April 8, 2010

    I’m so grateful for the blog. I used to think just like the people who strongly criticize it. Be strong. Have him by the balls. That’s what we’re taught in college. Yet, are we willing to recognize that there are many ways to be strong?

    What type of woman wants a man by the balls? That’s doesn’t sound like a happy person to me. If a person is generally happy and emotionally healthy – there is no desire to add destructive criticism. It’s like shoving bad tasting food into ones mouth and saying, “Here, just taste it, you’ll like it once you do”.

    Also, if a woman is in an unhealthy relationship (abusive) then yes, she should leave. However, at my age I see lots of women who want to see themselves as strong, independent, got him by the balls type of feminists who demand equality in the relationship. However, on their quest for equality they end up alone, angry and blaming men for all the worlds problems. Who wants to live like that? And yet they wonder why they can’t find anyone.

    Keep convincing yourselves that being in a relationship isn’t a big deal. Keep telling yourselves that it’s great being alone. If that’s what works for you – great. But why discourage others just because they value being feminine? Why demand that everyone have the same view of femininity?

  • niki

    April 3, 2010

    I just came across your blog and you’re a breath of fresh air. Goodness knows we need more perspectives like yours. I’m a 38yrs old single woman who has always been highly sensitive aka “feminine” and have often changed my nature to survive in the business world.

    I’m now realizing that I became more masculine to protect myself and this spilled over into my relationships. From now on I will embrace my true feminine nature and allow myself to be more vunerable.

    Keep up the good work.

  • Renee

    March 26, 2010

    Hi Mitch!

    Thank You for your gracious comment. I see where you’re coming from. I will do a post on the feminine and masculine energies in same-sex relationships.

    I welcome all readers here – even though my audience is nearly all straight women, and I am talking to straight women in my posts; we are all people. All human. and as I said above in response to Jo – I don’t seek to marginalize gays even more than society already does.

    I’m also really glad to hear that you’re in a wonderful relationship. I always love hearing that. :)

  • Positive Mitch

    March 26, 2010

    As a queer person, while I think your writing is wonderful and awesome to read, I do find myself coming back to one thought: I wish I didn’t feel this nagging need to say “but wait…” so often.

    It’s not that what you say has no truth… it certainly does! However, when I read things like, “a woman wearing the pants is the worst thing…” I feel this internal voice saying, “why is this so bad?” And the truth is, it isn’t.

    I am in a wonderful relationship now in which I, the man, have been submissive for a year, and she has been mostly dominant. Nothing wrong with that at all. Now, however, she fully trusts me,, and things are beginning to flip – she is submitting more and I am becoming more in charge. But you see, we had to take this journey of her being the leader for a while to get here; there was nothing wrong with that. There is no saying, either, that from now on I will be the dominant one… we talk about what we need, and, as your post says, when one person puts out one energy, the other puts out the other.

    I love what you write, and I know your audience. I think it would be even better – and assuaging to the raving dissenters out there – if your perspective were a little more queer-friendly.

    I’ll be back!

    Much love,
    –Mitch

  • twinkle

    March 25, 2010

    I believe masculine energy isn’t complete until a man is married: If you don’t believe me, remember, years ago when the priest, pastor, rabbi, whatever used to recite the wedding vows, they would say I pronounce you MAN AND WIFE; I used to think that was chauvinist and tacky but I believed they had a point then

  • Katie Joy

    March 24, 2010

    Hi Renee,

    Fantastic post and well done for your wisdom in this arena. Thanks for sharing your passion and ability to so eloquently inspire women to return to their authentic feminine state…

  • Jo

    March 23, 2010

    Hi All,

    I find this post both distressing and offensive.

    First, Renee, the ‘gender difference’ you speak of is actually bullshit. The difference between men and women is that, from birth, they are treated differently by society, in a way that harms men and women – although it harms women much more.

    These notions of being docile and submissive and vulnerable are insulting to women. The idea that all men should be masculine and virile is harmful to men.

    The combination of these two bullshit ideas lays the foundation for a society where 1 in 3 women are sexually assaulted in their lifetime; where male-dominated sports bond through a culture of misogyny; where lesbians are made invisible and have no ‘value’ in the kind of society you imagine.

    Frankly, I think someone with your privilege – a privilege like mine where you are able to study one of the most empowering degrees out there – should be absolutely ashamed that you have failed to arm yourself with a few better ideas.

    Got me by the balls? It’s called actual equality.

    • Rene

      November 29, 2010

      I am thinking a lot about this recently. And No! I do not presume to have a mass opinion. In fact I hardly ever feel comfortable with the general opinion.

      This thing about vulnerability is hiding a big truth. When I figure it out I will write a book. For now, It’s a mask (a good one) that enables the game to continue. I have no problem with the game if it pleases both parties.

      My hackles raise up when I am supposed to play ‘weak’, ‘supportive’ to ‘get’ a man. Sorry, can’t do. If he falls for it he’s a twit. If he insists on it he’s a psychological retard. Neither of which I have time for.

      My best friends are men for that reason. I think I have the best of both worlds. Let him go play all his unresolved power games with some one who likes it. And come talk to me when she (‘She’ of the game) drives him up the wall.

  • P

    March 23, 2010

    :) i kept on giggling as i read through :)
    you have written everything from your heart i can hear …

    Thank you!

  • alex

    March 23, 2010

    Hi Renee,
    I am sorry if my comment came off harsh or judgemental.
    I do beleive in many things you say, such as catering to the man’s ego, ruling in an indirect way, rather than competing with a man. Men have fragile egos! lol.
    My comment was not meant as an attack, but more of a constructive feedback.
    I think you are right when you say that not all women can relate to your posts, in the end we all have different interests and experiences. So I am much more focused on enjoying the simple things in life, reading news and current affairs, and trying to take an interest in a variety of different topics.
    I also don’t really agree with the way you talk about feminism. There are so many different kinds of feminism, a lot of it has been helpful to women, although some of it I don’t agree with. I think it’s an incredibly complex topic and is best not simplified too much.
    I think if you are interested in the topic of femininity, you should go for what you beleive in.

    • Renee

      March 23, 2010

      Thank You Alex.

      I would like to reiterate that I think Feminism has done some great things for us; I’ve said that before.

  • Renee

    March 22, 2010

    Thank You Jasmine. so insightful!

    And, how exciting about this amazing young man! :D

  • Jasmine

    March 22, 2010

    One of my first thoughts after reading Alex’s comment was, if you feel that Renee is “obsessed” with this topic, then what about anyone else in the world who is passionate about a particular topic? Carl Jung, for being passionate about psychology? Martin Luther King Jr. for being passionate about equal rights? Femininity just happens to be a topic Renee is passionate about, and feels she can share about to help women. I’m sure she, just like these other people I mentioned, has a “life” beyond her calling, including family, friends, and various hobbies/interests. Don’t you have something you’re passionate about? Everyone has different things that matter a lot to them, that’s what makes the world interesting and diverse.

    Maybe I’m being overly-optimistic and naive, but a part of me wonders if you routinely come to this blog and critize it because deep inside, you want to understand and embrace it. Either that, or your ego has an incredible need to put others down, showing that you’re actually the insecure one. If you’re the former, I hope you know that we women here WILL warmly welcome you if you ever have a change of heart and want to heal, to embrace your feminine core. But maybe naive…

    Renee, wonderful post! I know I still harbor lots of deep fears, but slowly I am letting them go and starting to trust the men in my life. It takes trust in myself too, you know? My relationship with my father and brothers is already improving remarkably. They are starting to deeply respect and cherish me more as a mature young woman:) And an amazing young man has taken great interest in me…we’ll see where that goes;)

  • Renee

    March 20, 2010

    One of the central themes of this blog is about bringing women TOGETHER. I didn’t create it so that women could insult other women (myself included).

    Thank You so much to my supporters. :)

    My content is not from reading books. A very small portion of it is. Myself and my man create this content as a result of sheer passion for this topic and a strong desire to add something helpful to the lives of people who are interested in what I have to offer.

    Plus, theories are theories. Ideas are ideas. Ideas aren’t that hard to come by, for anyone who is willing to challenge their own thinking, or to think outside the box.

    But passion and true care for my readers is what drives this blog. ‘Alex’ has been an insulting and aggressive follower since my blog started 10 weeks ago.

    I urge anyone who comments to work to bring women together, not to divide them. I’m aware that some people don’t like the topic of femininity, and think my writing is cheesy.

    Still, I appreciate comments that show some form of consideration for the feelings of others, and Respect for my work. These blogs are completely Free. And, so will be many future reports that I produce for my subscribers.

    Thanks again to my readers, because I couldn’t run this blog without You.

  • Wendy

    March 20, 2010

    Thanks again, Renee! Yet another fab post. I love the way you write – very uplifting, inspiring and thought-provoking. It all makes so much sense. Love, love, love it!

    Wendy xx

  • tracy

    March 19, 2010

    What a great post! Its encouraging and hopeful, but most of all it makes sense, atleast to me =)

  • Well ‘Alex,’ Renee is like a SISTER to me, and a very smart, feminine and BEAUTIFUL lady – with a law degree.

    However, her real passion in life is to help like-minded women. And, her man is pretty amazing actually!

    I am curious too, are you actually a ‘friend’ of Renee’s (who’s using the pseudonym ‘Alex?’)

    I too had the thought you might feel jealous. Otherwise you’d NOT have the need to say such things. It’s also the motivation behind tearing another down – in order to make yourself feel better.

    GO RENEE!! *Huggles*

  • Stephanie

    March 19, 2010

    Great article Renee! And to Alex – she’s writing these articles for other people who are interested, not for herself. And she isn’t on here 24/7, either. I’m not sure what Renee does outside of this but I know I’m right in saying that this is definitely not the only thing she does! And a large part of femininity is to rid ourselves of insecurities, a point which you seem to have missed.

  • Jezabel

    March 19, 2010

    what are angry, jealous women like Alex doing on this blog in the first place?

    If you don’t like it, don’t read it!

  • JP

    March 19, 2010

    Well from experience, I know that when I put up a wall, try to act strong & in control, agressive, or hide my feelings out of fear, it always makes things worse! But if I let go, open up, and let myself be true & vulnerable, men respond in a much more positive way! So, it all makes sense to me. Even though some will say it’s just your opinion, if one has experienced relationships with men, one can see the truth in it. But like you said some women like to have their men “by the balls”, and will never see it this way! But who wants to have someone they can walk all over…how can you have respect in such a relationship?

  • frozenstar

    March 19, 2010

    a feminine woman always has lots of interests. and to want a loving masculine man and a loving family isn’t wrong at all!! its not about a rich hot man…sure it helps but its about inspiring the love you want. renee keep up the good work. I love your blogs. I love that you are helping women and have your heart on your sleeve.I learnt so much already :)

  • alex

    March 19, 2010

    Wow, Renee, this is just so deep and long winded. What do you have to show for yourself, how has being feminine worked for you, do you have a super hot rich man?

    At the end of the day this is just your opinion. You may have read lots of books that support your opinion. But we’ve all read books on the topic. Do you do anything other than this blog?

    I am of a beleif that it’s important to have a variety of interests and not to get too bogged down on the one topic. By the way you go on about femininity, it makes me think that you are insecure in yourself, or something hapenned in your life to make you so obsessed with the topic of being feminine. My life isn’t all about snagging the best man. In fact, many women don’t even want marriage. I would like to have kids one day, but not necessarily marriage.

    • David

      March 19, 2010

      Alex: When is there ever a mention of marriage in Renee’s post? Read it carefully again, and you will be surprised that there is no mention of marriage. Are you sure you’re on the right blog? You sure it isn’t the “no-marriage” blog you’re after? If you read carefully into Renee’s message, seeing her point of view, you would know that life isn’t about ‘snagging’ the best man. You must have missed that.

      If you somehow snagged a good man, you’ll soon turn him into a dick-less pussy or he’ll just leave, with your attitude.

      Isn’t it much easier getting love from kids than your man? It’s a shame kids will grow up. Your love affair with your future kids will have to end.
      You don’t sound like a dumb person but why is it after reading all these articles, you still haven’t taken anything in? What are you afraid of? That if you were ever to feel feminine again, someone will come along and tell you you’re no good? That you might just feel too weak to defend yourself?

      Being feminine isn’t about getting a super hot rich man, I know a part of you knows that Alex. But that part will only show up when you’re not afraid.
      And how’s your life working out for you Alex? Tell me, if your mother was less of a psychopath, do you think you would have turned out differently? Or if your dad was more of a man, you’d look at things differently?

      At the end of the day, this is just your opinion and my opinion but I care. And I know you care too, or else you wouldn’t have commented in the first place. So I only hope that one day you will see that a big part of life is full of love and joy, full of abundance and peace, and putting an end to the turmoil that is troubling you everyday.

  • Carmen Simon

    January 16, 2013

    I would like to add that the root of all gender based violence (misogyny, homophobia, transphobia, rape culture, et cetera) is an underlying belief that there are two separate and distinctive gender spheres. This seemingly ‘innocent’ mythology is in fact the blueprint to a lot of dysfunctional and violent behavior towards gender non-comformists. And for those, who conform to these predesigned roles (heteronormative heterosexuals), your blueprint is also filled with violence. Violence towards you partner, violence towards yourself. The jock/cheerleader tyranny, for example, is rife with gender expectations. ABOLISH!