Depolarization: Mistakes Women Make With Men

mistakes women make with men

Depolarization: Mistakes Women Make With Men

Depolarization: Mistakes Women Make With Men

I will start with a definition of depolarization: To partially or completely eliminate or counteract the polarization of.

Where on earth does this word come from and what does it mean in the context of your relationship with men? Most men and women, regardless of what they’re showing up as, have a sexual essence that is more typically associated with their gender. So, most women will be feminine at their core, and most men will be masculine at their core.

There are women who are more masculine at their core, and there are men who are more feminine, naturally, at their core. However, most men are more masculine, and most women are more feminine. Frequently what happens is that women in this modern day are more masculine now, and men are more feminine. Because of how society has changed throughout history, the roles of women and men have changed greatly. Our job here is to recognize this big change and the negative effects that it may have on our relationships, and truly honor the differences between the sexes!

Let me just confirm: I am not encouraging manipulation. This entire site is about helping women become better women, and to embrace more of who they are and bring out more of what they embody at their core.

Mistakes made by women with men to cause depolarization

The Truth is, lovelies, the vast majority of women are making HUGE, and often somewhat irreversible mistakes with men! The men may not even know what on earth has caused them to feel sour towards the woman, as we are so out of touch with our personal identification of our sexual essence at our core, that most men don’t really know what is actually going on consciously, but they know they don’t want to be with that woman. So, the relationship fails. Or the marriage fails. Many relationships lack passion, depth, closeness, respect, understanding and worship. I am aware that worship is a strong word, but wouldn’t you like to be worshipped by your man? I will talk more about worship in later posts. Back to the main point.

Depolarization and sexual essence

ONE of the ways in which depolarization occurs, is when the woman (or man) does things that take away from the other person’s sexual essence. For example, one of the core differences between masculine and feminine is that men are driven by direction in life, and women are driven by emotion.

What Not to do with Men

- Question whether he knows where he’s going whilst driving, or getting frustrated that he appears lost, or getting angry at him for it and even exclaiming that you’re late because of him, or rolling your eyes. This hurts a masculine man deeply.

- Suggesting you call a mechanic to help him with the car when he is diligently trying to fix it himself!

- Suggesting he ask somebody for directions

- Ridiculing his goals and dreams

- Not supporting him with his goals and dreams

- Mentioning his failures to get that job, get the raise, get that promotion, get that degree

- Making him wrong

- Telling him how his ideas/opinion is wrong (boy, have I made this mistake before!!)

More on Polarity in a relationship

I think we have all made a couple of the above mistakes, if not all. The problem with doing the things I have mentioned above (and there are many more examples of ways that women destroy the polarity in a relationship with their man) is that the woman has just destroyed the polarity between her and her man.

Polarity is the quality of opposites/opposing energies in your relationship. Polarity is an essential, IMPORTANT ingredient to have in your relationship if you want it to last. And last with passion, love, commitment and desire.

One quick way to rectify the situation is to say ‘oh yes! You are right about that, how come I didn’t think of that?!’. You don’t want to be ingenuine. However, if he does have a point, at least acknowledge this to him and maybe ask him for more of an explanation. You’ll find it much easier to connect with him then, rather than ending up in a painful argument that doesn’t serve either of you.

Feminine sexual core and Masculine sexual core

As his woman, the worst thing you can do is to somehow imply that he is wrong. A fast way to build up resentment in a man who has a masculine sexual essence is to tell him he is wrong. Reverse the situation, and a fast way to build resentment in a woman with a feminine sexual essence to to tell her she is ugly. Also, if by any chance another woman somehow gives your man reason to think he’s right, and to feel more of a man, he’ll start associating more positively with her instead! This is what happens when you do not fill your man up/meet his needs.

A woman’s support and admiration of her man

To succeed with men/a man, you must learn to be the woman he can count on for support. The woman who gives him reasons to feel like he is a MAN when external things are pulling him down. You must be the internal link to his core sense of masculine identity. You must have the quality and understanding of femininity as well, and the distinction between the sexual energy of the sexes. If you look up to him and admire him and truly believe in him, it’s going to be hard to find another woman to take your place, lovely!

Often what happens in relationships is that the woman is so unaware of this that she destroys not only the polarity and the core sexual energy between them and therefore the PASSION, is that she slowly but surely destroys his masculinity and sense of identity. He will lose hope. And YOU will start to lose respect for him, because men who have lost hope or lost the ‘fight’ in them often let women walk all over them. Let’s face it, no woman truly respects a man that lets her walk all over him. Most – if not all women want to be lead and taken care of by their man.

Lots of women are actually digging their own grave, and don’t really understand why.

Any thoughts, suggestions or anything, feel free to share!

Renee The Founder of The Feminine Woman

Learn The 8 Dangerous & Humiliating Mistakes that Women Make in Dating & Relationships & How You Can Avoid Them...

And Get Free Advice and Action Steps to Attract Emotionally Mature Men, Have Him Effortlessly & Deeply Commit to You, and Have a Passionate Relationship that Others Envy.



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  1. joyeve

    Sounds like very good advice.

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  2. Deanna

    Just a thought that I have about this and much of the other advice on this site… it feels to me that when a girl “uses” these techniques to try to manipulate a man into doing exactly what she wants or giving her what she wants, then it feels more like selling a piece of yourself- like your feminine essence- for something crass: selfish personal gain. But when the tips and techniques are used to enjoy the relationship, make yourself stronger, make the relationship stronger- then it doesn’t feel like that anymore, AND it works better. I think that intention is very important.
    I am trying to repair my damaged relationship. I have faith that it is possible. I’ll be using a lot of Renee’s valuable suggestions. But if I were trying to manipulate him into doing something, and being inauthentic, there would be no hope. It’s about intention.

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  3. BrownEyedBeauty

    Jilla…your attitude is sad. Renee is giving women advice on how to be more feminine and to appreciate their femininity.

    I’m offended by the suggestion that prostitutes are inherently bad, just as I take issue with the fact that you accuse Renee of telling women to act like prostitutes.

    First, do not judge prostitutes too harshly. They are still human beings with feelings.

    Second, where does she tell women to act like prostitutes? She does nothing of the sort!

    She encourages women to play up their feminine attributes, embrace their unique beauty, and enhance their romantic relationships.

    She also offers advice on building self-esteem to avoid abusive relationships and develop inner beauty.

    She encourages women to take care of themselves so that they will attract healthy friendships and relationships.

    I find her advice to be very empowering. It’s a shame that you don’t.

    [Reply]


  4. Patrick

    Right on. I am recently divorced after a 12 year marriage. We both made a lot of mistakes and, in the end, we couldn’t rectify it. One factor that I believe contributed to our failed marriage was my wife’s desire to control. It was driven out of fear, a fear I did not generate. In any event, she wasn’t feminine.

    More recently, I posted a personal ad on a dating site and I said, in part, the following “I want that my lady takes care of and paints her nails, wears pretty things in her hair, wears cute and sexy clothes for me and acts very feminine for me. She doesn’t have to be a model, just very feminine. Of course, she must also be a nice, respectable person that dresses and acts appropriately when I introduce her to my mother, my priest, etc.  She must be slow to anger and quick to forgive, as am I. She must be easy going and laid back, as am I. She should be non-jealous, non-controlling and, of course, non-violent. If you are this woman I will do anything for you. I will be totally devoted to you.”

    I’m 44 live in Florida. Interestingly enough, I have not found any American women that “clicked” with me on this but I have found a number of latin ladies that have told me they love my profile. I am now dating a beautiful, femine, 32 year-old Colombian girl and she loves being a woman and I love been her man! I am going to marry her and totally devote myself to worshipping her and celebrating her beauty and femininity. I am in heaven!

    [Reply]

    Renee Reply:

    Hey Patrick, Thank You so much for reinforcing for every woman on this site – how a man’s devotion can be triggered. I’m heart-warmed by your story. You both sound very lucky to have each other. Many blessings to you and your girl :)

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  5. stefanie

    Jilla,
    Men don’t ‘need their ego’s stroked constantly’, but they do need love, just like women. They tend to have different ways of expressing and receiving it. There’s nothing self-disrespecting about doing something to make another person happy. And there’s nothing fake about making the most of yourself… Prostitutes do only a very small part of what Renee advises.

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  6. Just some food for thought: Renee, do you know who else are pros when it comes to understanding & utilizing all this knowledge about male/female essence/energies? PROSTITUTES. They understand that men are like children who need their egos stroked constantly.They also understand that many men are not satisfied with their women because women today are more outspoken and empowered, and have to much self-respect to cater to men’s sexual fantasies and fragile egos 24/7.Prostitutes know how to make men feel powerful, interesting, and desirable by using all the advice/devices you Renee are advising us women to use.They make themselves look extra feminine with big hair,long nails, too much cleavage, make-up, perfume, and all the rest.They coo, and pout and act submissive and girly and fake in every way, and wrap men around their little finger. Now tell me, if prostitutes are so bad, why I or any other woman should act like one?

    [Reply]


  7. Tracy

    wow this post is great too! I admit I am reading them partly because I’m trying to figure out if things with me and my ex would ever work out. Well we were never officially together but had been great friends for years. Things slowly progressed into a relationship but he could never fully commit as he had his own emotional troubles that he needed to deal with, depression being one of them.

    I read this passage — “He will lose hope. And YOU will start to lose respect for him, because men who have lost hope or lost the ‘fight’ in them often let women walk all over them. Let’s face it, no woman truly respects a man that lets her walk all over him. Most – if not all women want to be lead and taken care of by their man”

    He talked alot about having lost hope in life. Yes, I would rather him be hopeful and happy but at the same time I don’t necessarily think everyone can be hopeful and happy (their emotional stability, upbringing, or experiences can put a dent in their hopefulness, either temporarily or for the long-term). And you are right in that men who have lost hope let women walk all over them. His exgf did that to him for many years. Is there a chance for a guy like this to regain his hope with the right girl by his side? That he would realize that he doesnt need to be walked all over and that things could be different with a girl with more nurturing, giving and loving qualities?

    (Sorry for such a long post and so many questions…)

    [Reply]

    Renee Reply:

    Hi Tracy!

    Don’t be sorry for your questions. You are more than welcome to ask.

    To answer your question; there is ALWAYS a way for anybody to regain hope and happiness, regardless of their upbringing, trauma or the way they’ve been treated.

    Think of Nelson Mandella. He was falsely imprisoned for…. 27 YEARS!!! When he came out of prison, he resolved to work the huge issues of oppression that faced the world nonetheless. Despite the fact that he had 27 years of his life FALSELY taken away from him as a result of his opposition to apartheid and the white minority government’s policy of racial separation in South Africa.

    There is hope for anyone, and YES, definitely, there’s hope for your ex (or sort-of ex) :) with the right girl by his side. No doubt about it. It’s all about the meaning you put on life events, and the way you see things. If you take on an empowering meaning, you will live a much happier and fulfilling life than if the meanings you habitually employ are UNempowering. I hope this makes sense Tracy ;)

    Renee.

    [Reply]


  8. Jessi

    Hey Renee!

    I just found your articles recently and I’m really enjoying them. Do you ever do any one on one advice? The reason I ask is because I’m a 27 year old female who has never been in a relationship. I’ve been on dates, but I can’t seem to attract men and/or keep them if I do. I’ve NEVER actually been asked out in person, the only dates I’ve ever had have been through online dating websites. I just don’t know what’s wrong with me! (I’ve been told I’m fairly attractive, but I really start to doubt it since nobody ever shows interest in me! …it’s very odd) Please help!!!

    [Reply]

    Renee Reply:

    Hey Jessi :) sure I do. Just drop me an e-mail through the contact form. You may need to give me a few days to reply though! Live strong in the meantime!

    -XxX-

    [Reply]


  9. BelleVeritas

    And how do men depolarize women, dishonoring/devaluing our emotionality? Assume we would want to build a relationship with communication about this side of the polarity equation,too. Thoughts, er, feelings, Ladies?

    [Reply]

    Renee Reply:

    Great question, Belle! I mentioned that the fastest way to destroy a feminine woman’s sexual essence is to tell her she’s ugly. I think what you said about destroying our emotionality is very true!

    Other ways may be: Ignore her when she’s gotten all dressed up, stop giving her attention (feminine energy thrives on love, energy and attention).

    [Reply]


  10. sunshinelulu

    Hey,

    I’ve just come across your blog, and think its great! I’ve long been looking for somewhere that I can get a grasp on this femininity…my boyfriend has long says that i’m too masculine and that I dont let him be the man! He says that I need to be more vulnerable…but dont know how to…can you offer some tips?!

    Thank you!

    [Reply]

    Renee Reply:

    Hello SunshineLuLu and Welcome! :D

    There are lots of tips on femininity on this site, just click through the categories and find some older posts if you don’t find the recent ones relevant enough for you.

    As for vulnerability – Try reading my post on The Temperament of A Feminine Woman: http://www.thefemininewoman.com/2010/01/the-temperament-of-a-feminine-woman/

    If you’re wanting to learn to let go be free and thereby become more vulnerable, I would start with finding out the reasons behind why you find it hard to appear/be vulnerable. Work out why you feel the need to actually be the man in the relationship. Remember, the more you embrace your feminine core, the more masculinity you will trigger in your boyfriend, which in turn could make it easier for you to feel comfortable being the vulnerable one. Not only this, but the more you trigger his masculinity, the more you’ll learn to trust in his guidance and protection. :)

    [Reply]


  11. Bluberry

    Maybe I haven’t made my point clear enough. Of course, if a man belittled or insulted me, I would walk straight out the door (or show him the way out).

    But if a man was generally kind but had sometimes opinions which I knew were wrong, I’d think it natural to tell him -calmly and rationally, not in a berating/whining manner- that I disagreed with him. That being said, I’m all for being supporting and kind!

    As for my remark about common sense, I realize that the way I expressed it was not very nice and I’d like to apologise. As you say, common sense is far from being so common after all. And if this advice can light some people’s bulbs, so much the better.

    [Reply]

    Renee Reply:

    Thank You for your kind response Bluberry!

    [Reply]


  12. Ella

    I’ve found this article so helpful! I never realised how much I ask “Do you know where we’re going?” until now.
    I’m in a very happy relationship but I’m sure this advice will make it even better
    Thankyou

    [Reply]


  13. Bluberry

    What if his opinions deeply hurt/are insulting to you?

    The other things are just plain common sense, nothing ground breaking…

    [Reply]

    Renee Reply:

    Bluberry, have you ever noticed that common sense is not so common?

    About his opinions insulting you….how are they insulting you? If they insult you and he is treating you badly, I recommend that you either bring out another side in him by changing yourself, OR you leave him.

    [Reply]


  14. Ruth

    What if you do need to tell him something? If you are lost, or if he won’t get a job?

    [Reply]


  15. ann

    very nice site. i keep coming to read these so often.. :)
    i think you should come up with a topic addressing married women like me who are tom boys and an open book by nature and how they can transform them self to look, act and behave feminine and mysterious. so that their men will notice the change and go gaga over them
    that would be a tough challenge i know… :)

    [Reply]

    Renee Reply:

    Hi Ann. I’m glad to hear you like the articles!

    That’s a good idea, and I will most certainly address that soon enough down the track. Thank You for the suggestion!

    [Reply]


  16. twinkle

    If you think about it, the more ‘masculine’ you act, the more men will allow you to do certain things that ARE more masculine. In the BIBLE, especially the book of EPHESIANS, St. Paul was trying to explain polarity, I believe: not having a woman teaching men in spiritual things is maybe one of those things;/ It takes a lot for men to grow up to be MEN and not males;/sometimes, they could become more lazy and have you do everything, and he feels useless,but doesn’t know why–sometimes, i think they should segregate men and women in school to a degree-it builds mystery and maybe, we would have more weddings

    [Reply]

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