
Depolarization: Mistakes Women Make With Men
Depolarization: Mistakes Women Make With Men
I will start with a definition of depolarization: To partially or completely eliminate or counteract the polarization of.
Where on earth does this word come from and what does it mean in the context of your relationship with men? Most men and women, regardless of what they’re showing up as, have a sexual essence that is more typically associated with their gender. So, most women will be feminine at their core, and most men will be masculine at their core.
There are women who are more masculine at their core, and there are men who are more feminine, naturally, at their core. However, most men are more masculine, and most women are more feminine. Frequently what happens is that women in this modern day are more masculine now, and men are more feminine. Because of how society has changed throughout history, the roles of women and men have changed greatly. Our job here is to recognize this big change and the negative effects that it may have on our relationships, and truly honor the differences between the sexes!
Let me just confirm: I am not encouraging manipulation. This entire site is about helping women become better women, and to embrace more of who they are and bring out more of what they embody at their core.
Mistakes made by women with men to cause depolarization
The Truth is, lovelies, the vast majority of women are making HUGE, and often somewhat irreversible mistakes with men! The men may not even know what on earth has caused them to feel sour towards the woman, as we are so out of touch with our personal identification of our sexual essence at our core, that most men don’t really know what is actually going on consciously, but they know they don’t want to be with that woman. So, the relationship fails. Or the marriage fails. Many relationships lack passion, depth, closeness, respect, understanding and worship. I am aware that worship is a strong word, but wouldn’t you like to be worshipped by your man? I will talk more about worship in later posts. Back to the main point.
Depolarization and sexual essence
ONE of the ways in which depolarization occurs, is when the woman (or man) does things that take away from the other person’s sexual essence. For example, one of the core differences between masculine and feminine is that men are driven by direction in life, and women are driven by emotion.
What Not to do with Men
- Question whether he knows where he’s going whilst driving, or getting frustrated that he appears lost, or getting angry at him for it and even exclaiming that you’re late because of him, or rolling your eyes. This hurts a masculine man deeply.
- Suggesting you call a mechanic to help him with the car when he is diligently trying to fix it himself!
- Suggesting he ask somebody for directions
- Ridiculing his goals and dreams
- Not supporting him with his goals and dreams
- Mentioning his failures to get that job, get the raise, get that promotion, get that degree
- Making him wrong
- Telling him how his ideas/opinion is wrong (boy, have I made this mistake before!!)
More on Polarity in a relationship
I think we have all made a couple of the above mistakes, if not all. The problem with doing the things I have mentioned above (and there are many more examples of ways that women destroy the polarity in a relationship with their man) is that the woman has just destroyed the polarity between her and her man.
Polarity is the quality of opposites/opposing energies in your relationship. Polarity is an essential, IMPORTANT ingredient to have in your relationship if you want it to last. And last with passion, love, commitment and desire.
One quick way to rectify the situation is to say ‘oh yes! You are right about that, how come I didn’t think of that?!’. You don’t want to be ingenuine. However, if he does have a point, at least acknowledge this to him and maybe ask him for more of an explanation. You’ll find it much easier to connect with him then, rather than ending up in a painful argument that doesn’t serve either of you.
Feminine sexual core and Masculine sexual core
As his woman, the worst thing you can do is to somehow imply that he is wrong. A fast way to build up resentment in a man who has a masculine sexual essence is to tell him he is wrong. Reverse the situation, and a fast way to build resentment in a woman with a feminine sexual essence to to tell her she is ugly. Also, if by any chance another woman somehow gives your man reason to think he’s right, and to feel more of a man, he’ll start associating more positively with her instead! This is what happens when you do not fill your man up/meet his needs.
A woman’s support and admiration of her man
To succeed with men/a man, you must learn to be the woman he can count on for support. The woman who gives him reasons to feel like he is a MAN when external things are pulling him down. You must be the internal link to his core sense of masculine identity. You must have the quality and understanding of femininity as well, and the distinction between the sexual energy of the sexes. If you look up to him and admire him and truly believe in him, it’s going to be hard to find another woman to take your place, lovely!
Often what happens in relationships is that the woman is so unaware of this that she destroys not only the polarity and the core sexual energy between them and therefore the PASSION, is that she slowly but surely destroys his masculinity and sense of identity. He will lose hope. And YOU will start to lose respect for him, because men who have lost hope or lost the ‘fight’ in them often let women walk all over them. Let’s face it, no woman truly respects a man that lets her walk all over him. Most – if not all women want to be lead and taken care of by their man.
Lots of women are actually digging their own grave, and don’t really understand why.
Any thoughts, suggestions or anything, feel free to share!

Share and Enjoy
Tags: dating men, feminine, feminine energy, feminine woman, Femininity and Attraction, ideal woman, masculine, masculine energy, masculininity femininity, masculinity, men, mistakes women make, mistakes women make with men, passionate relationship, Relationship Advice, women


Leave A Reply (40 comments so far)
kay
10 days ago
The worst thing a guy can call a woman is “ugly”. That doesn’t work if you’re beautiful hahah. I don’t need to do all these thing to keep a money cuz I’m surrounded by guys vying for my attention and love. I guess this article is useful for “ugly” five-headed insecure women, but not for really beautiful gals ;P
Maybe you should do an article for guys and how they should treat women to keep em interested.
[Reply]
Jen Reply:
May 15th, 2013 at 7:22 pm
Wow…what an ego. Well, I’ve been told I’m beautiful. But my ex would tell me I was beautiful and then tell me everything that was wrong with me. Now I can’t accept a compliment from a man. Am I pretty, or is everything possible wrong with me???
[Reply]
Inali
14 days ago
great article! This is just what I needed to see; it was very helpful. thank you.
[Reply]
Mona
46 days ago
I do like some of what you’re saying in this article. However the “worshipping” subject does not feel good to me. No, I do not want a Man to worship me. That to me means he would be “idolizing” me. That would become cumbersome and even a bit controlling. I think that would not allow us as a couple the space we need to grow individually. I want my Man to simply respect, honor, love and protect me. I think those attributes cover everything he should give to our relationship. I love being a Woman, and I love him to treat me like his princess, but no I don’t want him to overwhelm me with worshipping me as a Woman. Worship is for our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and all of us fall short of being who God is. Just my opinion.
[Reply]
Nana
68 days ago
I mostly don’t agree with this article. If my bf got me in a frustrating/difficult situation because he can’t find the way and told me not to care about that, that he knows etc…And finally we are lost and I’m late etc, If he doesnt have the intelligence to ask someone for direction and prefer to save his ego rather than meeting my well-being, there is no way I don’t ask him to find another solution!
I actually think that a real high value man recognizes his mistakes and hate wasting our time, so in the first place, despite he could know that with a bit more time he could fix the situation all by himself, he would prefer to ask for directions or call the mechanic by himself, to be sure my needs are met!
I also think that high value men love their gf to challenge them mentally and hate if they stay quiet when they think they’re wrong, cause it’s close to hypocrisy. Of course if the gf tells him : youre so stupid, youre wrong! He wont like it. But if she expresses in a respectful manner why and how she thinks he’s mistaken, he will just have more respect for her. If you can’t discuss your opinions and cant have different ones, I dont’ see the purpose of being together
[Reply]
Rochelle Reply:
May 14th, 2013 at 9:24 am
Yes, I think wither extreme is bad so we should be careful about being too agreeable and we can voice our opinions. It depends on how we go about it, as you said. If I disagree with what a man says I tell him “You’re entitled to think that but I feel ____”. They’ll respect you and won’t feel like you’re making them wrong.
If I’m with a man in my own neighborhood and know he isn’t going the right way I’ll just say “Oh I thought it was other way” Or “I thought it was that way, unless YOU had another idea” then let it go and let him figure it out on his own . That works too because I’m not saying “you idiot, you took the wrong turn!” or “you’re going the wrong way!”
Men usually cave in and ask a mechanic etc for help when they can’t fix something on their own but they tend to do it on their own time. lol I particularly notice this with my dad. My mom doesn’t suggest he does things differently because he’ll get upset. lol
[Reply]
KatieCarbaugh
93 days ago
You have deeply transformed my life.
May the divine feminine ascend!
[Reply]
Katie
96 days ago
I know my boyfriend has a masculine man deep down inside of him–but I think it was squashed by the dynamic of his parents’ relationship. How do I help him get back in touch with it?
[Reply]
Elahe
102 days ago
Fantastic like always Renee! Thank you so much… You are amazing
[Reply]
Tom
106 days ago
Wow. Somebody figured it out. Thanks Renee.
ps. Learned alot about my relationship in this article. I am at the lose Hope stage.
[Reply]
Spnutbutter
350 days ago
This article is right on with what I’m encountering in my relationship. Sometimes I read your work and think my man is the one writing your blogs and newsletters. I read what you write and want to aspire to be that woman of Value but for some reason I keep falling back into the low-value woman egging on fights, allowing my man to drift out my hands, and building up my own resentment toward him. Now I don’t even respect him and now that that’s apparent to both of us I’m pretty sure our relationship is doomed and I have no idea how to recover. I want nothing more than to reach out for him and hold him in my arms, but things are way different now and I’m afraid to even speak to him for to long. I’m extremely sadden by the outcome and what hurts worst is the thought that this is all my fault.
[Reply]
Lisa Reply:
September 13th, 2012 at 2:10 pm
Spnutbutter, I have been separated for 6 weeks and I didn’t respect him either. He was verbally abusive, manipulative, etc. Our fights were vicious. I knew deep, deep down I still love him and he is not really like this. The first thing I did was treat myself like a mother treats her hurting child. I forgave myself for not knowing. Do this. It heals your guilt and fear. I just got done reading every one of Renee’s blogs and had some more guilt over how little I showed my love. Renee’s encouragement inspired all kinds of love in my heart. Then I started emailing him asking if he wants talk. Sometimes I lost it and got angry, but for the most part I made sure I told him things like “Good idea. I never thought of that.”, I acknowledged his perception (even though I think he made it up) and sincerely apologized for his hurt. It’s been 3 days and his tone has suddenly gotten very gentle. If you love him, forgive yourself and then express your love. Good Luck Sweetie!
[Reply]
joyeve
543 days ago
Sounds like very good advice.
[Reply]
Deanna
945 days ago
Just a thought that I have about this and much of the other advice on this site… it feels to me that when a girl “uses” these techniques to try to manipulate a man into doing exactly what she wants or giving her what she wants, then it feels more like selling a piece of yourself- like your feminine essence- for something crass: selfish personal gain. But when the tips and techniques are used to enjoy the relationship, make yourself stronger, make the relationship stronger- then it doesn’t feel like that anymore, AND it works better. I think that intention is very important.
I am trying to repair my damaged relationship. I have faith that it is possible. I’ll be using a lot of Renee’s valuable suggestions. But if I were trying to manipulate him into doing something, and being inauthentic, there would be no hope. It’s about intention.
[Reply]
BrownEyedBeauty
1009 days ago
Jilla…your attitude is sad. Renee is giving women advice on how to be more feminine and to appreciate their femininity.
I’m offended by the suggestion that prostitutes are inherently bad, just as I take issue with the fact that you accuse Renee of telling women to act like prostitutes.
First, do not judge prostitutes too harshly. They are still human beings with feelings.
Second, where does she tell women to act like prostitutes? She does nothing of the sort!
She encourages women to play up their feminine attributes, embrace their unique beauty, and enhance their romantic relationships.
She also offers advice on building self-esteem to avoid abusive relationships and develop inner beauty.
She encourages women to take care of themselves so that they will attract healthy friendships and relationships.
I find her advice to be very empowering. It’s a shame that you don’t.
[Reply]
Patrick
1066 days ago
Right on. I am recently divorced after a 12 year marriage. We both made a lot of mistakes and, in the end, we couldn’t rectify it. One factor that I believe contributed to our failed marriage was my wife’s desire to control. It was driven out of fear, a fear I did not generate. In any event, she wasn’t feminine.
More recently, I posted a personal ad on a dating site and I said, in part, the following “I want that my lady takes care of and paints her nails, wears pretty things in her hair, wears cute and sexy clothes for me and acts very feminine for me. She doesn’t have to be a model, just very feminine. Of course, she must also be a nice, respectable person that dresses and acts appropriately when I introduce her to my mother, my priest, etc. She must be slow to anger and quick to forgive, as am I. She must be easy going and laid back, as am I. She should be non-jealous, non-controlling and, of course, non-violent. If you are this woman I will do anything for you. I will be totally devoted to you.”
I’m 44 live in Florida. Interestingly enough, I have not found any American women that “clicked” with me on this but I have found a number of latin ladies that have told me they love my profile. I am now dating a beautiful, femine, 32 year-old Colombian girl and she loves being a woman and I love been her man! I am going to marry her and totally devote myself to worshipping her and celebrating her beauty and femininity. I am in heaven!
[Reply]
Renee Reply:
June 23rd, 2010 at 4:40 am
Hey Patrick, Thank You so much for reinforcing for every woman on this site – how a man’s devotion can be triggered. I’m heart-warmed by your story. You both sound very lucky to have each other. Many blessings to you and your girl
[Reply]
stefanie
1069 days ago
Jilla,
Men don’t ‘need their ego’s stroked constantly’, but they do need love, just like women. They tend to have different ways of expressing and receiving it. There’s nothing self-disrespecting about doing something to make another person happy. And there’s nothing fake about making the most of yourself… Prostitutes do only a very small part of what Renee advises.
[Reply]
jilla
1070 days ago
Just some food for thought: Renee, do you know who else are pros when it comes to understanding & utilizing all this knowledge about male/female essence/energies? PROSTITUTES. They understand that men are like children who need their egos stroked constantly.They also understand that many men are not satisfied with their women because women today are more outspoken and empowered, and have to much self-respect to cater to men’s sexual fantasies and fragile egos 24/7.Prostitutes know how to make men feel powerful, interesting, and desirable by using all the advice/devices you Renee are advising us women to use.They make themselves look extra feminine with big hair,long nails, too much cleavage, make-up, perfume, and all the rest.They coo, and pout and act submissive and girly and fake in every way, and wrap men around their little finger. Now tell me, if prostitutes are so bad, why I or any other woman should act like one?
[Reply]
Tracy
1179 days ago
wow this post is great too! I admit I am reading them partly because I’m trying to figure out if things with me and my ex would ever work out. Well we were never officially together but had been great friends for years. Things slowly progressed into a relationship but he could never fully commit as he had his own emotional troubles that he needed to deal with, depression being one of them.
I read this passage — “He will lose hope. And YOU will start to lose respect for him, because men who have lost hope or lost the ‘fight’ in them often let women walk all over them. Let’s face it, no woman truly respects a man that lets her walk all over him. Most – if not all women want to be lead and taken care of by their man”
He talked alot about having lost hope in life. Yes, I would rather him be hopeful and happy but at the same time I don’t necessarily think everyone can be hopeful and happy (their emotional stability, upbringing, or experiences can put a dent in their hopefulness, either temporarily or for the long-term). And you are right in that men who have lost hope let women walk all over them. His exgf did that to him for many years. Is there a chance for a guy like this to regain his hope with the right girl by his side? That he would realize that he doesnt need to be walked all over and that things could be different with a girl with more nurturing, giving and loving qualities?
(Sorry for such a long post and so many questions…)
[Reply]
Renee Reply:
March 2nd, 2010 at 4:30 am
Hi Tracy!
Don’t be sorry for your questions. You are more than welcome to ask.
To answer your question; there is ALWAYS a way for anybody to regain hope and happiness, regardless of their upbringing, trauma or the way they’ve been treated.
Think of Nelson Mandella. He was falsely imprisoned for…. 27 YEARS!!! When he came out of prison, he resolved to work the huge issues of oppression that faced the world nonetheless. Despite the fact that he had 27 years of his life FALSELY taken away from him as a result of his opposition to apartheid and the white minority government’s policy of racial separation in South Africa.
There is hope for anyone, and YES, definitely, there’s hope for your ex (or sort-of ex)
with the right girl by his side. No doubt about it. It’s all about the meaning you put on life events, and the way you see things. If you take on an empowering meaning, you will live a much happier and fulfilling life than if the meanings you habitually employ are UNempowering. I hope this makes sense Tracy
Renee.
[Reply]
Jessi
1202 days ago
Hey Renee!
I just found your articles recently and I’m really enjoying them. Do you ever do any one on one advice? The reason I ask is because I’m a 27 year old female who has never been in a relationship. I’ve been on dates, but I can’t seem to attract men and/or keep them if I do. I’ve NEVER actually been asked out in person, the only dates I’ve ever had have been through online dating websites. I just don’t know what’s wrong with me! (I’ve been told I’m fairly attractive, but I really start to doubt it since nobody ever shows interest in me! …it’s very odd) Please help!!!
[Reply]
Renee Reply:
February 6th, 2010 at 9:49 pm
Hey Jessi
sure I do. Just drop me an e-mail through the contact form. You may need to give me a few days to reply though! Live strong in the meantime!
-XxX-
[Reply]
BelleVeritas
1202 days ago
And how do men depolarize women, dishonoring/devaluing our emotionality? Assume we would want to build a relationship with communication about this side of the polarity equation,too. Thoughts, er, feelings, Ladies?
[Reply]
Renee Reply:
February 6th, 2010 at 8:48 pm
Great question, Belle! I mentioned that the fastest way to destroy a feminine woman’s sexual essence is to tell her she’s ugly. I think what you said about destroying our emotionality is very true!
Other ways may be: Ignore her when she’s gotten all dressed up, stop giving her attention (feminine energy thrives on love, energy and attention).
[Reply]
Heather Reply:
April 4th, 2013 at 9:39 pm
LOL I laughed literally out loud at the idea that telling a woman she’s ugly is the fastest way to destroy a woman’s sexual essence. Seriously? Telling me I’m stupid is the fastest way to do that. Ugly? I know better.
[Reply]
sunshinelulu
1204 days ago
Hey,
I’ve just come across your blog, and think its great! I’ve long been looking for somewhere that I can get a grasp on this femininity…my boyfriend has long says that i’m too masculine and that I dont let him be the man! He says that I need to be more vulnerable…but dont know how to…can you offer some tips?!
Thank you!
[Reply]
Renee Reply:
February 5th, 2010 at 3:54 am
Hello SunshineLuLu and Welcome!
There are lots of tips on femininity on this site, just click through the categories and find some older posts if you don’t find the recent ones relevant enough for you.
As for vulnerability – Try reading my post on The Temperament of A Feminine Woman: http://www.thefemininewoman.com/2010/01/the-temperament-of-a-feminine-woman/
If you’re wanting to learn to let go be free and thereby become more vulnerable, I would start with finding out the reasons behind why you find it hard to appear/be vulnerable. Work out why you feel the need to actually be the man in the relationship. Remember, the more you embrace your feminine core, the more masculinity you will trigger in your boyfriend, which in turn could make it easier for you to feel comfortable being the vulnerable one. Not only this, but the more you trigger his masculinity, the more you’ll learn to trust in his guidance and protection.
[Reply]
Bluberry
1205 days ago
Maybe I haven’t made my point clear enough. Of course, if a man belittled or insulted me, I would walk straight out the door (or show him the way out).
But if a man was generally kind but had sometimes opinions which I knew were wrong, I’d think it natural to tell him -calmly and rationally, not in a berating/whining manner- that I disagreed with him. That being said, I’m all for being supporting and kind!
As for my remark about common sense, I realize that the way I expressed it was not very nice and I’d like to apologise. As you say, common sense is far from being so common after all. And if this advice can light some people’s bulbs, so much the better.
[Reply]
Renee Reply:
February 4th, 2010 at 3:20 pm
Thank You for your kind response Bluberry!
[Reply]
Ella
1205 days ago
I’ve found this article so helpful! I never realised how much I ask “Do you know where we’re going?” until now.
I’m in a very happy relationship but I’m sure this advice will make it even better
Thankyou
[Reply]
Bluberry
1206 days ago
What if his opinions deeply hurt/are insulting to you?
The other things are just plain common sense, nothing ground breaking…
[Reply]
Renee Reply:
February 3rd, 2010 at 4:46 pm
Bluberry, have you ever noticed that common sense is not so common?
About his opinions insulting you….how are they insulting you? If they insult you and he is treating you badly, I recommend that you either bring out another side in him by changing yourself, OR you leave him.
[Reply]
Ruth
1206 days ago
What if you do need to tell him something? If you are lost, or if he won’t get a job?
[Reply]
Tom Reply:
February 6th, 2013 at 11:58 pm
Don’t be too direct. Be encouraging which shows you care and are willing to help. Being direct will cause a defensive action. I have tried encouragement and it works, suggesting, letting them lead. And that is both male and female friends.
[Reply]
AC Reply:
February 7th, 2013 at 9:10 am
Yes, this is correct. It’s kind of sneaky, but you have to let them think THEY are the ones ultimately making the decision (especially men) by encouraging them to do so and bringing it up in nondirect ways. Because people are more likely to do what they decide to do, not what people tell them to do.
[Reply]
ann
1207 days ago
very nice site. i keep coming to read these so often..
i think you should come up with a topic addressing married women like me who are tom boys and an open book by nature and how they can transform them self to look, act and behave feminine and mysterious. so that their men will notice the change and go gaga over them
that would be a tough challenge i know…
[Reply]
Renee Reply:
February 2nd, 2010 at 8:36 pm
Hi Ann. I’m glad to hear you like the articles!
That’s a good idea, and I will most certainly address that soon enough down the track. Thank You for the suggestion!
[Reply]
Tom Reply:
February 7th, 2013 at 12:00 am
Tomboys are attractive. You don’t have to leave them at home when you go fishing or hunting. lol
[Reply]
twinkle
1207 days ago
If you think about it, the more ‘masculine’ you act, the more men will allow you to do certain things that ARE more masculine. In the BIBLE, especially the book of EPHESIANS, St. Paul was trying to explain polarity, I believe: not having a woman teaching men in spiritual things is maybe one of those things;/ It takes a lot for men to grow up to be MEN and not males;/sometimes, they could become more lazy and have you do everything, and he feels useless,but doesn’t know why–sometimes, i think they should segregate men and women in school to a degree-it builds mystery and maybe, we would have more weddings
[Reply]