5 Reasons Why Women Shouldn’t Deprive their Man of Sex

why you should never deprive your man of sex

5 Reasons Why Women Shouldn’t Deprive their Man of Sex

1) The only difference between a friendship and a relationship is intimacy. If you have a sexless marriage or a sexless relationship, what are you? companions? best friends? If a couple doesn’t have much sex, then this generally means they lack passion, and that they could be more in love. There’s no such thing as losing the feeling of being in love. You just lose the ‘state’ of being in love, and you lose polarity/passion with your spouse.  You can be in love and have passionate sex way in to your old age.

Yes, sex is not the only way to achieve intimacy, but it is one of the main and most important ways to achieve intimacy between a man and a woman. Not making sex a priority can cause your relationship to deteriorate. The passion dies out.

2) Women can go to their girlfriends, a counselor, a guy friend, a mother, father, relative, aunt, to connect and talk to people. Men don’t generally do this.

I’m not saying there aren’t men who DO call their guy friends up for a long chat about their feelings, problems and sex life, but this is not common.

Sex is one of the major and most important ways through which a man gets his needs of connection/love met. Men aren’t just asking for sex because it feels good (although that’s part of it too). (read my article about why men love blowjobs)

If a man loves his woman, he wants to have sex with her because he loves her and wants her to be open to him. This is one of the main ways in which a man expresses his love, and it is one of the major ways in which a woman can show and prove her love for her man (although by no means the ONLY way).

For a lot of men, his woman is the only place he can go to for connection and love. His woman is often the only source he has. Men have many challenges in the world – and it’s important that he has a woman who understands his needs. Of course – understanding a man’s needs is not about just giving him sex. Men have many other needs, too. But the issue of sex is one that many women struggle with.

And, the modern western world has been affected by the feminist movement which has given women the idea that they shouldn’t prioritize a man’s needs, and that includes not wanting to meet his sexual needs regularly. However, the man is still expected to meet her needs!

Your man’s needs are just as important as the needs of your children or the needs of your friends! At the end of it all – your man is the one you’re going to be left with. Children will grow up and leave. Friends will have their own lives. A sexless marriage or a sexless relationship can cause a man to become dejected and resentful, as with every rejection the negative association (with his wife or girlfriend) becomes stronger.

3) Let’s talk about masculine and feminine energy, which relates very, very closely to sex. The masculine energy is about releasing. The feminine energy is about filling up. I’ll say that again. The masculine energy wants to release and the feminine energy wants to fill up.Filling up is also very much about the emotional aspect of things.

The feminine energy has many ways to fill up – shopping, having sex, talking to girlfriends, connecting with pets, talking, listening, and much more. The masculine energy has many ways in which they can release, too – but men don’t generally think the way women do.

4) It feeds a man’s needs for love from his woman. I know a lot of women will want to lash out at me for saying this – but if two people are in a relationship, and the woman denies her man of sex, puts the children/career/girlfriends/other family first, then over time, this starts to build up negative associations within the man in relation to the woman, and makes him feel less like a man, less loved, less accepted – and this can (NOT always!) lead to cheating. (read my article about can a man be monogamous?)

Sex with a woman whom he loves fulfills a very deep need for love and acceptance within a man. If you’re not attracted to him enough in order to want to have sex with him, over time, he may start to feel less of a man – more like you don’t accept him as a man and that you’re not attracted to him. This is a painful thing to feel.

This is also one reason why men cheat. A lot of their emotional needs are met through sex!!

In The Truth about Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do to Prevent It- licensed family counselor M. Gary Neuman studied hundreds of men who had cheated on their wives, in order to find out why they did.

His results show clearly that the main reason why men did cheat on their women was for emotional reasons. When asked what led to their cheating, the answers given by the men showed up as follows:

  • 48% – primarily emotional dissatisfaction
  • 32% – equal emotional and sexual dissatisfaction
  • 8% – primarily sexual dissatisfaction

This doesn’t mean women should be pressured in to having sex. Women and men (equally) need to work on creating passion, love and excitement with their spouse so that lack of sex will not be a problem, but rather – lack of free time, space or opportunity for it ;)a much healthier problem!!

5) I’ll be as frank as I can.

Never expect to just be loved and adored for who you are without having to put any effort and sweat in to anything. We are all enough – but you can never, ever - expect to have and keep the man of your dreams or to have a passionate lifelong, loving relationship where you’re worshipped and adored by your man for life if you do not give to him. It’s all about the standards you have for yourself.

And, it’s important to remember that women (and men) must give to their spouse in a way that their spouse can receive it! If you just give or express love to them in the way YOU think is best – but the other person doesn’t perceive love in this, then it’s very easy for that relationship to break down.

If you’re always thinking of yourself, and constantly quantifying what you get and give in your relationship (like that terrible, TERRIBLE sayingGive-and-take) you will never have and experience that amazing relationship that everyone dreams of and which everybody wants.

That’s all for now. Do you have any thoughts on this subject? Feel free to share them below. And, if you did like the article, let me know. Also, let me know if you hated it too :)

AND – if you want to understand more about men and sex, read my article ‘Why Men Love Blow Jobs‘.

Renee the feminine woman

249 Comments

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  • Benice

    Reply Reply February 23, 2014

    haha, sorry guys not Shad but user “found my love” – sorry ’bout that

  • Benice

    Reply Reply February 23, 2014

    the previous comment was meant for Shad

  • Benice

    Reply Reply February 23, 2014

    You should go see a therapist about YOUR issues with sex and with your body. Oh my soul, you’ve got so many criteria as to how and where he can touch you. How he YOU want him to have sex with you etc etc. . I don’t get it. He wants YOU so, what is wrong with this scenario? I think you need to stop being so selfish and picky about sex. Maybe you just dont love him!? I really dont get it. You complain about him not being a “bad boy” (hahaha – girl, grow up), being touched and everything else in between. If you REALLY LOVE someone – hairs on his chest (OMG – like that is some of the features that distinguishes a man from a woman), morning breath whatever DOESN’T and SHOULDN’T make you not want him anymore. My man is hairy, manly and I love him for who he is. Thats my advice to you. Change your attitude or get out of this relationship because clearly you have hang ups with almost everything about him ~ jeez

  • Benice

    Reply Reply February 23, 2014

    Hi All

    I don’t understand some of these women and the reasons for them being turned off when their man clearly WANTS THEM. I mean, if a man cheats on you and says “nasty”?? things like “suck my d***” to other women then fine, but if he says that to you, touches you, wants you then what, may I ask is YOUR problem??? I am a woman who constantly have to innitiate sex. I feel loved and wanted when the man in my life wants to have sex with me and I believe that its me not him, who has a very high sex drive. my man and I connect emotionaly and he is my best friend, the one who makes me laugh and the one who makes me happy however he says he “prefers” mornings but, wont wake me up to make love to me, turns me down if the time or day of week isn’t early evening and wont do it during weekdays. I basically feel like I am a beggar begging for sex in my relationship. This to me is very frustrating and to be honest, I have thought about cheating on him or even finding myself a guy that wants sex and someone who wont turn me down, someone who WANTS me whenever the mood arises and who wont make me feel like I am begging for sex and wont deny me just because, i dont meet the “when he wants and will allow himself to have sex” criteria. BUT and this is really how I feel: I really do love him. I really do believe that he is my soulmate. Like I said, he makes me happy, he makes me laugh, he provides and cares for me, he spends his time with me – its just the sex problem we have. I require sex at least 3-4 times a week and can settle on once a week however he denies me sometimes for more than 4 weeks and then I am granted the privilage of having sex with him. Dont get me wrong, whoever wants to judge, please do so but, hell, I have GREAT simpathy with men and women who are denied sex in their relationship and who, as I, feel like a beggar, emotionally hurt already, and who feels like maybe they shouldn’t even ask anymore! That, is why most men cheat because most MEN are DENIED. Now men, here’s one lady out of a thousand (just guessing), sitting in the same boat with you. And for anyone who feels offended, I really do appologize, I dont condone cheating but, I can understand why some do cheat because believe me, if a person feels like a beggar, not wanted and sexually frustrated (that has a BIG part in Emotional frustration) then you dont feel loved (in that sense) anymore. I think that all these women complaining about men wanting to make love to them should go take a good look at themselves to realise that they might be the problems in their relationship!!! Are there any men who’d like to give me advice on this? I have tried dressing up sexy (this will draw his attention, he would look at my legs etc . . . ;) and even sometimes comment on how sexy I look however will sometimes (most times) tell me how tired he is and “sorry, not tonight”. He sometimes even turns dow BJ’s – is this normal? LOL – I would think that ANY man with a woman who’s got a good sex drive would be thanking his lucky stars (considering all the posts I’ve read thusfar (women complaining about her mans sex drive)!!!! LOL so, any advice would really help. Thanks

  • shad

    Reply Reply February 3, 2014

    This is great advice, I want my girlfriend to read this. I dont know if she has a low sex drive or what but she always tells me how handsome I am and how she really likes my body and whatnot, but shes never into sex.
    she will say she wants sex all day when we are out and about and that as soon as we get home its on, but then when we get home she makes excuses until she falls asleep on the couch early, usually like 8 or 9 pm. Then the next day its the same thing again.
    I feel bad because I get frustrated and kinda resentful because she is VERY attractive and I tell her that and how much I love her all the time. Its hard to look at your VERY attractive girlfriend all day and have her get you all excited just to be let down time after time. We were together for a year, then I broke up with her because the sex was only once a month, even though it was about 5 times a week at first, it slowly dwindled down. We were broken up all summer, we hooked up a few times because she was all into sex again. Eventually she convinced me to get back together with her and the sex was frequent at first, but its been about 5 months and its drying up again. It just seems like falling asleep on the couch is more important to her, which makes me feel unwanted and unattractive. Ive tried everything you could think of from being romantic to giving her some space, nothing works, and Im not sure how long I can do this. Im a 30 year old man with an active sex drive, and I just want to feel that connection with her again. I dont know why im complaining here, I feel bad because I was cold with her this morning because she promised me sex all weekend but we havent had sex for 2 weeks. I guess I just needed to vent.

  • FoundMyLove

    Reply Reply January 29, 2014

    this is a great article. it really helped me understand how men think about sex. my boyfriend explained this to me as well…he is an AMAZING boyfriend, by the way. The problem is…. I haven’t been wanting to have sex with him lately. In the beginning, hot sex all the time. And we have great sex when we do…its just that he can’t just snap his fingers and turn me on like guys in my past has. He isn’t a “bad boy” like I’ve had in the past. But what I really mean by bad boy..is a guy that is kind of cocky and confident in himself. My boyfriend lacks that confidence. I guess his last relationship may have affected that? I don’t know.

    His love language is affection…he likes touch. I….don’t. He is VERY touchy. And it drives me crazy sometimes. He gropes my breasts, grabs my butt, smacks my butt ( Not in a disrespectful) way but HE DOES THIS ALL THE TIME. And it drives me crazy. Not only that, but I don’t like my nipples being touched except for when I’m highly aroused. So when we are having sex and he does this…it almost turns me off. I don’t know how to explain to him that I want him to be more confident. I’m lost here. The article helps a lot and I have tried my best to think from this point of view but when he goes to touching and feeling in the bed, I kind of shut down and I’m afraid he can sense that.

    I don’t know if it’s lack of physical affection because before I had to tell him that I liked when he was freshly showered and had a fresh breath. Major turnoff. He started showering more and getting rid of the morning breath before trying sex but I don’t know if it’s because he was doing that before that my sexual image of him has changed…..I”m just lost. I love a guy that knows he can get it if he wants it…. maybe I can sense that he isn’t that confident. I would’nt mind if he shaved his chest hair. He’s just so different from what I’ve dated before but he is my heart.

    This hurts me because I’m afraid of losing him or our relationship changing because I’m not giving it to him as often as he needs. Everything else is great. I just don’t like the overdosing on affection and leading up to sex. any advice?

    • Benice

      Reply Reply February 23, 2014

      You should go see a therapist about YOUR issues with sex and with your body. Oh my soul, you’ve got so many criteria as to how and where he can touch you. How he YOU want him to have sex with you etc etc. . I don’t get it. He wants YOU so, what is wrong with this scenario? I think you need to stop being so selfish and picky about sex. Maybe you just dont love him!? I really dont get it. You complain about him not being a “bad boy” (hahaha – girl, grow up), being touched and everything else in between. If you REALLY LOVE someone – hairs on his chest (OMG – like that is some of the features that distinguishes a man from a woman), morning breath whatever DOESN’T and SHOULDN’T make you not want him anymore. My man is hairy, manly and I love him for who he is. Thats my advice to you. Change your attitude or get out of this relationship because clearly you have hang ups with almost everything about him ~ jeez

    • Adele

      Reply Reply April 4, 2014

      I think you’re just not attracted to him. Don’t force yourself.

    • Josh

      Reply Reply April 20, 2014

      Have you told him what you like and don’t like? Most men want to please their partners but they aren’t mind readers.

  • Joan

    Reply Reply January 14, 2014

    I have a question that other women probably can relate to.

    Why does he want to have sex after a huge fight?

    I’m tired, exhausted, hurt and still angry, and so is he, I assume. We haven’t talked or worked it out yet. Then he gets grabby and I’m confused.

    Is this his way of working it out?

    • Anna

      Reply Reply January 27, 2014

      Hi Joan, I have to laugh at this, because it’s so true. I think it’s his way of mending the fences. During a fight, a man might feel like there is a gap between the 2 of you, and he might feel remorseful after that, and apologetic. Like Renee said above, sex is one of the main ways men get their needs for love and connection met. After a fight, a man might feel distant from you and unloved. So he wants to close the gap. He wants to feel close to you again. I take it as a sweet thing.

    • Benice

      Reply Reply February 23, 2014

      Yes, it is his way of showing you that he loves and still wants you and “make up sex” is great anyway

    • Adele

      Reply Reply April 4, 2014

      He likes the make up sex. Maybe he likes the idea of having power over you and screwing you into submission. Stand your ground if you don’t feel like having sex after a fight.

  • Beautiful One

    Reply Reply January 2, 2014

    I really appreciate the points you made in this article, Renee. I agree with what you are saying and would LOVE feedback from men and women who agree with this article but struggle to have a healthy sex life. I want to say that I date great men and the IDEA of meeting my man’s sexual needs is fine with me. However, actually doing it in my last relationship – I couldn’t. It is true that we lost connection more, but we were already not connected enough for me to keep meeting his sexual needs in the first place. Sex was done COMPLETELY in sacrifice for 2 years. He was a very nice and dutiful man who treated me like a queen. However, he did not groom his body, he dressed very bum like after work, and he would grow wild hair everywhere and leave it. He was sqishy all over instead of on the firm side(I am not a fitness freak)and he f*cked like a porn video doggy style ALL of the time in stead of making love. I don’t mind some aggression but I feel like I have NEVER had intimate sex with him. I did have lots of non intercourse affection, however. But, when affection led to sex, it is like he switched into performance mode following a standard routine and I could have been any woman. I experienced NO satisfaction from that at all but he would congratulate himself on his performance and be proud that he ‘gives me what I like.’ If I had bad sex with him long term, he would count that as affection and then not give me any non sexual affection. Ongoing sexual intercourse meant that ongoing affection ceased. I had to not have sex to get affection. I know he needed more sex – just as I needed more lovemaking. However, he is so disconnected and checked out from me during sex that he doesn’t comprehend the concept of affectionate love making sex. He would ask me what I wanted sexually (when he had a full erection ready to go), but he could only hear and process scripted step by step instructions and complete them as a task. Connection isn’t scripted. He would just quickly rush through the steps I told him I needed for about 90 seconds and then go to his LOOOOONNNNGGGG porn movie like routine. He was proud that he could last a long time (which made the disconnection and frustration seem endless for me). Then the next time he figured ‘I know what to do from last time.’ He would do exactly the steps from before (which ignored and filtered out intimate connection)and feel like he was a great lover because he did what I wanted. He totally didn’t but felt he did so I just couldn’t keep having sex with him. He released but I was left empty – nothing got filled in me. I miss him, but how can a woman show up like that sexually year after year for a man who is a bad lover?

    • Benice

      Reply Reply February 23, 2014

      You also have a LOT of issues – grow up. Maybe he needs a better woman than someone who wants to change him and someone who doesnt love him for him. Love is not about the how someone looks on the outside!!! and to be that shallow makes YOU ugly. A woman can help her man to better groom himself by suggesting a haircut, plucking of ear and nose hairs etc and ussually if a man feels loved and wanted in a relationship he will most likely do this automatically however, if you really love someone, what does being flabby or anything else matter anyway. You too will grow old and might even someday become a little flabby – my point is – SO WHAT.

    • Benice

      Reply Reply February 23, 2014

      You also have a LOT of issues – grow up. Maybe he needs a better woman than someone who wants to change him and someone who doesnt love him for him. Love is not about how someone looks on the outside!!! and to be that shallow makes YOU ugly. A woman can help her man to better groom himself by suggesting a haircut, plucking of ear and nose hairs etc and ussually if a man feels loved and wanted in a relationship he will most likely do this automatically however, if you really love someone, what does being flabby or anything else matter anyway. You too will grow old and might even someday become a little flabby – my point is – SO WHAT.

  • Jack Bridger

    Reply Reply August 1, 2013

    More senseless garbage by an overemotional broad. Here is some advice for you, oh dear terrible writer and logic-ridden human being:

    1. Stop writing about energy. This makes you appear delusional. Are you a liberative hippy or someone with something constructive and realistic to say?

    2. Not everything is about what you can get out of a relationship.

    Stop and put some damn thought into what you write. This is ambyssal.

    • Jennifer

      Reply Reply September 30, 2013

      Renee specifically said in this article that you shouldn’t look at a relationship as what you can get from your man but rather what you can give.

      And “liberative” means “to set free”, so it seems you inadvertently complimented the person you intended to insult. Did you mean “liberal” instead? Either way, if you’ve nothing truly constructive to say, why bother?

    • Johnna

      Reply Reply October 24, 2013

      Renee is THE SHIT! There ya go Miss Renee, now you can curse without remorse!!!!

      I luv ya!
      Johnna Lynn

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  • camilla

    Reply Reply July 28, 2013

    not to be overly explicit, but lately my guy has been asking for anal. My ex-bf used to push for it and it annoyed me so much and now 2 years later my current man is doing the same thing! I’m in love with my man and can’t break up with him over it, but I’m wondering why all these guys want it so much.

    • Ifeelyou

      Reply Reply July 30, 2013

      Ugh! Mine too! It’s flipping annoying! I finally gave in and it hurt like h**l. Cried my eyeballs out and he felt so bad and promised he won’t ask me again. I’m very open about sex with my man and a free giver and willing to try just about anything but, I’m with you why the back door request? What’s wrong with the front door?

      • camilla

        Reply Reply August 1, 2013

        Wow, Im so sorry you went through that. Why can’t some men take no for an answer? This chauvanistic society leaves some men feeling so entitled, bordering on abusing women and us women being so overly accommodating because of our own self worth issues that come from being constantly objectified. My man watches porn and I think that’s why he wants to do it. After thinking about it, I don’t know if I can be with him because of this. I don’t feel respected. He also has asked me for explicit pictures more than once, and i sent some because he kept asking for momths, caving under the pressure, which now I see that I just don’t have to do. I will discuss my concerns with him, but Im pretty sure that this a deal breaker for me.

        I think when Renee talks about why men need sex, she is not referring to painful, humiliating requests, sexually deviant behavior and degrading requests for pictures of vag and tits.

      • Abi Jaiy

        Reply Reply December 15, 2013

        True love waits.

    • Abi Jaiy

      Reply Reply December 15, 2013

      True love waits.

      Have self respect or he wont respect you as you have let him force you.
      A real man shouldnt ask his woman to do anything she doesnt want to do.

  • Tshifhiwa Christopher Mudau

    Reply Reply July 7, 2013

    Its really simple, if you were just as beautiful and didnt have vigina.he wouldnt have married you

  • Holly

    Reply Reply June 30, 2013

    Very insightful :-). I felt alot of compassion reading this.

    I actually really look forward to meeting someone in the future and sharing my whole world of thought with the right man.

    Luckily I’m in tune with my body and think sex is a great way to exercise creative energy. Most defently it’s the thing I feel the most passionate about when I think what do I want from a relationships .

    I think that I use to have an addiction to the chemicals in sex but even still it’s a fun and important part of life.

    Lol, f**k TV soaps, get in bed and make your own story lines :-)

  • Tracy

    Reply Reply June 20, 2013

    I love sex, I enjoy it, I want it…however I do not like the way my partner initiates it…
    give us a blow job/shall we fcuk/come on climb on etc are massive turn offs for me and despite telling my partner how these phrases put me off, he still says them, which makes me want to avoid sex. We do have sex several times a day, but I would want to be more active, if he made me feel more comfortable rather than just laying there dishing out demands. Every woman has a sexual beast inside her, I do believe its a mans job to find and awaken that beast, then to feed it to maintain its presence, and that’s honestly what I believe. While I was reading 50 shades I became insatiable in the bedroom, wish my bf could make me feel the way that book did x

    • James

      Reply Reply June 24, 2013

      That’s your problem right there. That damn book has created a fantasy for you that you’ve built up in your mind & your man will never be able to live up too. And because he can’t, you label him as inadequate. Get off your high horse, you should be submitting to your man accepting his demands. As long as he isn’t physically abusing you, then you should accommodate him. Did you even read the article?

    • camilla

      Reply Reply July 28, 2013

      Tracy, I really relate. I enjoy sex but the way my man asks for sex is so explicit.”Come and suck my d_ck” “I need your lips on my d_ck” “I wanna stick it in and f__k your puss_” And he never runs out of ways to talk dirty, i love him though and let him have his way with me most of the time. but lately he’s been asking for naked pics and different sex acts. We were friends before we started dating and I had no idea he was so horny. He also calls me at night occasionally for sex, i told him to stop and he stops for a while and then starts up again.

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  • ConfusedGal

    Reply Reply June 13, 2013

    To those that say this article talks about pleasing a man and what of the other way around? Well the website is called “thefeminewoman” if you want to know how a man should please a woman perhaps you should go to a site for men, which by the way there are tons out there.

    Renee rocks!

  • OhioPatriot

    Reply Reply June 12, 2013

    If a woman is already rejecting her man and not having sex with him and has to be told “don’t deprive a man of sex” the relationship is already doomed. It is like a ship that has been hit by a torpedo, it will eventually sink, it is just a matter of time.

    When a woman repeatedly rejects a man, he is going to internalize that, the resentment will grow, and eventually he will wind up with a woman who is eager to accept him.

    • Anna

      Reply Reply June 12, 2013

      I didn’t realize this was such a serious issue for men. I won’t argue with you there. About the avatar, I think it is randomly selected from a computer database. I didn’t get hit with a jackpot either, but they are all kind of cute.

  • OhioPatriot

    Reply Reply June 12, 2013

    I have had some conversations with friends [guy friends] that lasted for 4-5 hours. I had a friend whose sisters was going through a nasty divorce because her husband cheated on her and my friend wanted advice to forward to his sister and he wanted my help to track down hidden assets that the man might have had. I was able to track down some holding companies the man had created [while on the phone with my friend] and gave him the information.

    When men talk for hours it is not just to cry, throw a pity party, and talk about feelings. Men talk about problems, they discuss solutions, they discuss possible outcomes from pursuing each solution, different possibilities, etc. They work out scenarios, they don’t just cry to each other about their problems.

    There are about five men in the USA with whom I’ll share my problems and who will share their problems with me and come to me for advice ranging from legal advice to technical advice in electronics, firearms, outdoors, etc.

    But it greatly annoys me that a woman cannot be in a relationship with a man without all of her girlfriends knowing the size of the man’s penis, the positions he prefers.

    I don’t know what women think goes on in the guy’s locker room but most men don’t talk about how long intercourse lasts, they don’t talk about how big their woman’s boobs are, they don’t discuss any of those details. If a man is having a problem with premature ejaculation, he might talk with a close friend or consult a doctor, but they don’t share nitty gritty details about sex with their friends.

    Men have 2-3 very close friends [other men] in whom they are comfortable sharing important life details with. Women seem to have 20-30 superficial “girlfriends” in an extended/large social circle and they share details like it was going out of style.

  • kwashington

    Reply Reply June 3, 2013

    I like this article.

    Mainly because my woman can have sex with me when ever she wants, but when I want it, well, it isnt always so easy.

    We have had this issue for years;

    We break up…she can still have sex with me.
    We fight…she can still have sex with me.
    We arent emotionally connected…and you guessed it. She can still have sex with me.

    Giving it to her isnt a problem as I am a very SELFLESS lover, but when I go to her ti turns into war of the worlds.

    • Anna C

      Reply Reply June 3, 2013

      Hello kwashington – I certainly feel your pain, even as a woman. There are certain things I do at the drop of a hat that my man does not do if he’s in a mood… like always ready for a hug and encouragement… these are things that a woman needs to feel loved, sort of like sex for a man. I think it happens in some way to both sexes. And I think if I were to get inside a man’s shoes, this is really frustrating, and you might think it’s not fair. But maybe… just maybe 1) she does not realise she is neglecting you with sex because it’s not as intuitive to her to think this way 2) you are not communicating to her in a way she understands and relates to. Maybe say “When we make love, it makes me feel so much closer to you”? Also it is said that foreplay for a woman starts the moment you walk into the door, not when you first touch her. So that means, if you had said something insensitive to her that day, or ignored her, or criticised her, she’s not going to want to do it with you that night. I would start paying attention to how you act thoughout the day and if you do something to piss her off or make her go quiet.
      About being selfless or selfish… I believe that most of the time it is relative. My man thinks I am selfish for some things he finds intuitive (and I don’t think I’m being selfish by it) and then I think he’s being selfish for some things I find intuitive (and he doesn’t think he’s being selfish). …
      Hmm, so the point of my response is, I understand where you are coming from, but there’s 3 things you can do – 1) wait for her to understand where you are coming from (one day a lightbulb will go off) or 2) try different methods to get there until one way resonates with her to get the sex you want 3) accept that it is what it is and may never change, and it’s something you learn to live with, if this is not a deal breaker for you.

    • Anna C

      Reply Reply June 3, 2013

      And the longer it takes the lightbulb to go off inside your woman’s head, the more negative associations will build up here for you… though I believe the only way to make someone change is if they want to change themselves. I’d try any way I can to make her see that sex is an important (albeit the only) form of connection for you… perhaps you can show her this article, or perhaps it might make her angry… only you know the best way to show her… but one day I do hope she sees and understand that sex means something different to you. It helps if she’s an open person or a spiritually open person, to make this connection. All the best.

      • kwashington

        Reply Reply June 3, 2013

        Thanks Anna C.

        Foreplay for me starts with a simple good morning. It’s breakfast in bed, and the 2.9 million things I do to be the chivalrous, playfully corny guy that I am.

        And unfortunately, this has been going on for years. So I dont see a light bulb going off in her head, however, my tolerance for this has run out.

        Dealbreaker, yes…but in my heart says stay. I dont want to leave, or cheat…but without her ability to understand where I’m coming from, I am being pushed away.

        • Anna C

          Reply Reply June 3, 2013

          kwashington – I feel that because you know this is pushing you away, and that you don’t want to leave or cheat (very applaudable), then there MUST be some way to show her. There MUST be some way to communicate this. I would start by listing all the ways you have tried to communicate this in the past to her which have failed. Then cross them off your list. Now, I would try the opposite of those things, or brainstorm new ways to get your point across. Or, here’s what works for me – tell her directly: “I know you have your reasons, and I’d like to know what they are, but whenever you reject me for sex, you push me away from this relationship. It’s just how I feel.” If you can get her to tell you why she does it, great, maybe you guys can come to an understanding that way. On a personal note, I used to read a lot of marriage books. Then my man came out and said to me directly “When I see you reading those marriage books, it pushes me away from you.” At first I was angry – why couldn’t he let me be who I am? Why can’t he see that I was doing this so that we can have a great relationship? It’s like studying finance before having a finance career. Then I realised that it was not about me, but it made him feel like less of man, because he felt not good enough, or judged. When he came right out and said that, although I was angry at first, it made me think about it, and because I loved him so much, I was able to see where he was coming from. Sometimes they need a jolt or the rug pulled out from under them for the lightbulb to go off.

        • Anna C

          Reply Reply June 3, 2013

          By the way, I know what you mean about your heart saying stay in… that’s what my heart says too. Which is why, whenever I go through some really hard time, I just stay in… then I figure it out. I don’t know why my heart keeps telling me to stay in every time I get scared and want to go. But I think it all has to do with how much you like the person. What is your threshold exactly? How much are you willing to work on it and try to understand, and make her understand? Did you know, that in your grandparent’s era, people were taught to work on the relationship rather than leave? And in this day & age, it’s much less common to stay in & fix things, much more common to leave and find a better model. Just something to think about. If your heart says stay, it becomes so much more important to find a way to make her understand… to teach her these things that are important to you.

  • hmmmm

    Reply Reply May 11, 2013

    what about what the men should do how bout that

  • hmmmm

    Reply Reply May 11, 2013

    what about what the men should do

  • A brown

    Reply Reply March 19, 2013

    The truth is man and women are made different and the more we deny this the more the relationship between man and woman breakdown you can be as sexist or as feminist as you want but the truth still stands. What is important to a woman might not be the same for the man and the same the other way round.

  • Mona

    Reply Reply March 17, 2013

    Sooo true. When my husband’s mother passed away, bless her, he wanted to sleep with me that night, even though he was very upset. I was amazed, thinking how on earth can he want it in that situation. I never thought men could want sex for comfort, but it all makes sense. Im so glad I found your blog, it has already changed my life so much, and I feel the sky is the limit!

  • Fasto dion

    Reply Reply March 5, 2013

    This is both controversial and interesting

  • Nico

    Reply Reply February 23, 2013

    Brainwashed Christian/republican beaten down woman bs.
    In partial some of this is true- however- the word intamacy is completely overlooked. Giving a man blowjobs to keep him from cheating is the opposite of intimacy!!! Yuck.
    if that’s what ‘god wants’ I’d rather be a godless, manless woman.

    • Anna

      Reply Reply February 24, 2013

      I dunno but I am a “social democrat” woman and my religion would be classified as a mix. I relate most to the Buddhist philosophy. I’ve begun to think of sex in a different way and acknowledge that men might see it in a different way than I see it, and what we think is truth might not actually BE truth. I think of blow jobs as a gift to someone I love. It’s not the blow job that is the gift, but more so the intention, love, and feeling behind it. It’s not really doing it to prevent cheating, I just see it as doing it out of love. It’s the same as when a man listens to us, I think, and when we feel he understands us. If he doesn’t, we’d be at least a little tempted to wander right? Yes I think this is a very powerful and controversial article and its unlikely most people will agree with all of it, but I’m just trying to think of it as a secret glimpse into the male mind.

      • ConfusedGal

        Reply Reply June 13, 2013

        Anna you are so right. Women need to look and think of sex differently. I am also a “social democrat” like I’ve said before I got married young the first time around. Lack of sex was an issue in our marriage because of the way I was raised (in a “Christian” home where masturbation was also viewed as a “sin”) and how I viewed sex. Thank God I found a way to overcome that because sex is not an issue in my current relationship nor are blow jobs or whatever else in between. He gets it when he wants and I get it when I want.

    • River

      Reply Reply March 8, 2013

      Huh? I do get how you could possibly see some aspects of this (pleasing one’s man) as being related to a particular religion or patriarchy.

      Not trying to get into religion here, but I’m an atheist and a very intelligent woman, and I agree 100% with what Renee says. Religion and its mandates for women (especially because of how they’re misused) make me spitting angry — but some things are just true. Men and women are evolutionarily and biologically different. This is a blog about understanding that and navigating the waters of difference and compassion. This IS about intimacy. I don’t think Renee is advocating women do anything to keep their men from cheating. It’s a sneak peek into men’s brains, and what they want, need, and desire, and we can do with that what we will. :) If we’re loving partners, of course we’ll want to make our husbands/boyfriends happy, and they will happily return in kind. Receiving information and being given free rein to decide what to do with it isn’t brainwashing. Or Republican.

    • Riv

      Reply Reply January 7, 2014

      Whaaaaat I don’t even

      I’m a liberal atheist and I am TOTALLY ON BOARD with all of Renee’s teachings. It’s all about psychology and respect. About being the adult in the situation. Someone’s gotta approach the relationship from a giving mindset first, because as humans we’re all reacting from fear and defensiveness, playing games. You DO get what you give. I think that’s the opposite of being beaten down.

      • Riv

        Reply Reply January 7, 2014

        Hahaha I encountered this comment TWICE in separate perusings, and replied both times without seeing my prior comment. Guess the same stuff still riles me up.

  • Stupidbitches

    Reply Reply February 19, 2013

    “however I see no expectation in the above article regarding womens’ needs and wants regarding intimacy.”
    Thats because women dont put out.
    If you would INITIATE SEX then there wouldn’t be a problem with emotional intimacy.
    over 80% of women NEVER initiate sex in marriages. NEVER.
    And this is in marriages, not in divorces.

    • Beautiful One

      Reply Reply January 2, 2014

      Women don’t initiate sex because they don’t want boring disconnected porn video reenactments. The average man is not a good lover. His ego wants lots of sex while his heart is detached. There is ZERO intimacy in sex with the average American man.

  • Gchild

    Reply Reply February 13, 2013

    Its alryt, i av seen d argument. Pls to avoid much argumetum ad ignorant, let d men state all d@ d need 4rm women, and women should also state all w@ d need 4rm men and then post, okay?

  • Sabine

    Reply Reply February 11, 2013

    really interesting article. I think,, when a woman desires a man, she would not denie. If she does so, maybe ists not the right guy…

  • Evan petit

    Reply Reply February 11, 2013

    Lols!!!! Really I enjoyed everything I read in d article.. Its seriously improving n making ma relationship blossom!!!!! Fnx kip it up…

  • Wise

    Reply Reply February 10, 2013

    There a girl i love somuch but she dont regard me as the man, so im much confussed.

  • LCL

    Reply Reply February 8, 2013

    Men are simply taught one thing growing up and women are taught another. (for the most part). Why does anybody question whats going on? Its clearly in our faces. Why we are the way we are is not the question. How do we fix it moving forward is what we should be asking.

  • Tom

    Reply Reply February 6, 2013

    Really good article. Enjoyed it.

  • IB

    Reply Reply February 3, 2013

    I agree on some points but disagree on concept of men releasing energy. It’s actually the opposite: women release it, men – fill up. Think from the point of a birth conception. From what angle are you seeing fill and release process? Both have to do their part. Both are equally responsible for an exchange. Then a woman taking the weight in it. Who is filling the need?

    Now.. It’s an old adage as if women deny sex. There more data about the reverse effect. Hard to find a man who actually would like to have sex on weekly basis. Or if there’s one, than viagra or loss of weight is needed.

  • Jean

    Reply Reply February 2, 2013

    I believe that either some of the commenters who agree with the article, show characteristics of being either close minded to females’ points of view, or maybe just clueless, or maybe a part of a darker, subtle movement. I realize that I keep writing the same comments. I will eventually not write here anymore, because no matter how many of us women try to point out the imbalance and unfairness, anti-female commenters keep justifying it.

    One of the other women posters wrote that she understands it. WTF? How can you get a light turned on regarding what male supporters write, but not what the females are saying? Are you all that anti female.

    You see, women also get fed up and distant in relationships …….when our physical needs are not being met. We just do not act like spoiled kids and pout like the men do.

    When will some of you all get it ? The wives have needs too. A relationship is not about the husband’s needs being met and ignoring the wife’s needs.

  • Jean

    Reply Reply January 31, 2013

    Oh, I forgot to answer one commenter who made mention about denying sex. At no time have I advocated that one partner should deny the other sex. So don’t try to make it seem like I suggested that. Don’t twist my words.

  • Jean

    Reply Reply January 31, 2013

    Hello to everyone! Sometimes, I get pretty passionate in my comments. I honestly am not looking for an argument. I am looking for geniune answers and solutions to understand the imbalance in the way we treat women. I am not trying to be rude to men, it’s just that every time we turn around, there is an article from men and even my own gender-women, who have this longggggg, list of things that they want women to do to make a man happy and satisfied. I do not see articles like that for men, that tell them how to keep the woman satisfied and happy.

    So if someone can direct me to these articles that these men keep referring to, I would appreciate it and stop my fussy commenting. :)

    I just want respect and fairness for women, that’s all.

    And to some of the men on this blog who keep referring to age. For your information, some of the rest of us are young too. And I’m sure even those who are younger, still know how to treat the opposite gender with respect, in spite of what you see and hear from others who may be unfair and crude .

    • Lol?

      Reply Reply January 31, 2013

      But that’s what I’m telling you, lol. There are MORE articles on how men should act to keep their women happy. I see no complaints on those. Men are RAISED to keep every woman in their life happy, be it mother, sister or significant other. We are conditioned to sacrifice in order to keep women happy, or at least I was raised this way. It’s only ever when men have an article on how women should treat them that the complaints start pouring in. I’m not trying to be rude. And yes, I bring up my age because I am only a teenager, i’m telling you this because the younger you are, the more different your perspective on these things tend to be. I highly doubt you are younger than me, but that’s besides the point. I know how to treated my girlfriend properly, who is 1 year younger than I am, and she in turn respects and appreciates me. I understand you are passionate about this topic, I was only offering my opinions

      • Jean

        Reply Reply February 4, 2013

        There are no such articles.

        • Lol?

          Reply Reply February 5, 2013

          Also, you tell me not to do what men do and bash women who stand up for themselves and you accuse me of not respecting women. You don’t know me. Some of the stuff you’ve said in here DOES seem like man hate, and I accused you of no such thing. Please, grow up.

        • Dinnerman

          Reply Reply February 11, 2013

          Yes there are. Why should I even state this to you. Denying this almost well known fact is almost like denying gravity. You’re just being intellectually dishonest with us and yourself so that you can keep your argument relevant.

    • Daniel

      Reply Reply February 10, 2013

      All I hear in the mainstream media is men need to understand women, how clules men are to womens needs. Do you ever hear it said how clules women are to mens emotional needs, NO! Men only want food, sex, toys and laughing they go on to the next topic. They wont begin to mention most of the issues brought up in this artical.

  • Alyssum

    Reply Reply January 30, 2013

    I find it really funny that this artical talks about men having these feelings and yet says nothing about women having them. I am what you call a sex positive feminist. Look it up if you don’t know what that means. I find if I am denyed sex i too feel rejected. I need sex from my partner to feel loved and excepted. If I don’t get it I start thinking I’m not pretty enough. It’s funny because I think the description of the man fits me rather well and I am all woman. I don’t like asking for sex and I lagitamaly want it. Not to solve all my problems or mask over a deeper hurt witch i think is a degrading steriotype placed upon very sexual women but just because its the most obvious way I know to show how much I love someone and to get that love in return. It makes me feel damn good. It makes me feel needed excepted loved not to mention it feels good on a physical level. I show my love in other ways including cooking cleaning and cuddling. But all of these things I do for me just as much as I do them for my partner and at the very core of that is sex I have a lot of passion and I want to show it as often as possible.

    • rick

      Reply Reply February 4, 2013

      Very well said

  • Dexter

    Reply Reply January 29, 2013

    I have a great sex life, I don’t withhold sex from my partner, he does not withhold sex from me. We have always had a sexual commitment too each other. Even if one of us is not in the mood we oblige one another. I feel sorry for men and women that are not having a sexually active lifestyle. I feel sorry for men that are frustrated and I feel sorry for women that use sex as a tool, it’s sad.

  • harvey

    Reply Reply January 28, 2013

    Good article. Renee understands how men feel. Nothing to do with women being subservant meatholes: some pple didn’t get it at all! – Too bad for them; for they are missing the point entirely. Thanks Renee

    • Jean

      Reply Reply January 29, 2013

      No Harvey, you are the one who did not get it. Why do you think that women do not take favorably to these type of articles?

      Any man with any sense would react the same way, if one of his fellow males, wrote such unfair comments about his own gender. Some, even many men act all arrogant and righteous when unfair writers produce these imbalanced and unfair articles that exalt and coddle you. What decent, compassionate writer would do this to their own gender without writing one from the other angle? Do women haters actually think that every woman is stupid? Do you actually think that all of us will keep our mouths closed? Do you men not want women to be treated the same way that you expect for us to treat you?

      I am not attacking the writer, but I do challenge all these anti female, people who continue to scold and demean us, but never scold males. Negative comments from people who do not respect females, gives impressionable young females a lot of confusing messages. This must stop. We should not be giving the young girls the idea that they should deny their happiness and well being, while exalting and coddling the men in their lives. No female is validated by a male. Females are important human beings just as they are. Females are vital and needed. Females should not allow themselves to believe otherwise. In fact, females would almost come out better if we just avoid men altogether, what with all you anti females write about and expect of us. What do we get from males, from men. We get nothing but a lot of put downs and demeaning behavior from men. What are men willing to do for us. It must work both ways.

      So now you all see why I cannot sit back and allow this to be written about females without commenting. I cannot allow these young girls who are watching us and listening to us, to believe that a woman is to deny her comfort and happiness and exalt and satisfy a man when he is not exalting and satisfying her. These huge injustices to women cannot go unchallenged. And harvey, you had the nerve to write that we do not understand men. Well Harvey, it is men who do not understand women.

      where are the articles that are written in women’s defense? Do you actually believe that all of us women are brainwashed and afraid to speak up? I may be the only woman who is brave enough to challenge all you women haters, but I will not allow your name calling to stop me……….so disappointed in Renee and her article.

      • Lol?

        Reply Reply January 29, 2013

        Never expect to just be loved and adored for who you are without having to put any effort and sweat in to anything. We are all enough – but you can never, ever – expect to have and keep the man of your dreams or to have a passionate lifelong, loving relationship where you’re worshipped and adored by your man for life if you do not give to him.

        It seems as though this is exactly what you expect. “I want to cuddle with you and have you hold me.” Of course, I, as a man (though admittedly only 19) love doing that with my girlfriend. It just seems to be that, perhaps subconsciously, you ARE being biased, putting more weight on what the female wants than what the man wants. It should be equal. Girls should NOT withhold sex from guys as punishment, just as men should NOT ignore her and not give her attention when he is upset for whatever reason. It goes both ways, it’s not all about men and it is certainly not all about women. Many girls these days think they can stand there and look pretty and men will come to them and worship them and give them what they want. Perhaps some men will, but real men will not.

        • Jean

          Reply Reply January 29, 2013

          That shows how well you did not read my comment, because if you had read it each and correctly,, you would have not come up with the understanding that you seem to have gotten.

          Sorry to burst your bubble, but what you wrote is exactly what my comment was about. Next time, read my comment before you do the automatic thing that you men do, and that is automatically get in the scold mode to any female who writes in defense of her gender. Golly!!!!

        • Pffft.. Men

          Reply Reply January 30, 2013

          @Jean @lol?: I dunno, lol? I think you’re just trying to say that it’s up to both parties to make it work and to understand each other, which is what I think too. My only issue is this article and what I, from my experience and knowledge on the subject, know to be true/untrue about the male and female psyche. Read my other comments – I’m not a crazy feminist but I disagree with a lot of what is said here, or that it’s not the entire truth; at least not for most of us. This article is offensive and I feel strongly about defending most of us women (I say most because not all agree with me).

          Also, I understand where you’re coming from too, Jean, but you know that posting the same extreme essay comments is going to make guys want to argue with you and call you names, whether they mean it or not they’re probably just enjoying stirring the pot. If you want to stay here and stand up for people, just focus on actually debating people’s opinions – not just typing 50 paragraphs of the same material in a fit of rage. He was agreeing with you – your words (a man, too!) – and you’re STILL having a go at him. What more do you want?

      • Lol?

        Reply Reply January 31, 2013

        Well Harvey, it is men who do not understand women.

        where are the articles that are written in women’s defense? Do you actually believe that all of us women are brainwashed and afraid to speak up? I may be the only woman who is brave enough to challenge all you women haters, but I will not allow your name calling to stop me……….so disappointed in Renee and her article.

        Very well, I’ll leave it at that. I just turned 19 so forgive me if I “Dont understand women.” You just seem to have a subconscious bias against men. If the same article had of been written about a female, you wouldn’t have had a problem with it, is all I am saying.

  • Leonel

    Reply Reply January 28, 2013

    This is why things ended with my previous girlfriend.
    I loved her very very much, I think more than any other girl I’ve known.
    But one and a half year with no sex was just too much.
    She was used to guys just using her for sex and never speaking to her again once they got what they wanted from her.
    So she wanted our relationship to be special, I guess she just tried too hard.
    Now she’s back to where she started, guys doing the same thing again, just using her for sex and leaving her.
    Now she wants me back, but I don’t want to, I feel betrayed somehow, is hard to explain.
    She gave them what she wouldn’t give me for a year and a half !!!
    I feel devastated :(

  • Lola

    Reply Reply January 28, 2013

    The people who complain about this article, are the same ones who
    complain about sexual harassment: ugly & fat people. Good read. X

    • Pffft.. Men

      Reply Reply January 28, 2013

      Haha okay babe. I’m neither of those things, but would rather not post photos and reveal my identity. But that’s fine, everyone’s allowed to have their opinion. Just because its not the one you’re looking for doesn’t make that person fat, ugly, stupid or any of those things. Name calling is for losers. Just voice your opinion on the subject… Not on the people giving theirs.

      • Lol?

        Reply Reply January 31, 2013

        Okay, fair enough. I’m still in my teens so maybe I don’t look at it the same way grown ups do, I just feel that, in my experience, there are tons and tons and TONS of articles on how to pleasure women and make them feel good and men never complain about it. It’s ‘Okay, sweet, thanks.’ But women have to nit pick and correct and complain on nearly EVERY article that is FOR men. I’m not trying to sound sexist, but it just seems that way to me. You don’t seem like a feminist man hater, you want women to not have to do anything they dont want to and that’s perfect, they shouldnt. Was just expressing what I usually see. My girlfriend is wonderful and thank god, does not deny me sex lol. But she is also well taken care of, so never fear :-] Thanks for the reply!

      • Lol?

        Reply Reply January 31, 2013

        I am realizing perhaps that I am somewhat bias for my male colleagues, but Im not trying to be. Relationships are about both contributing the same amount, with perhaps the guy doing a little more because it is the gentlemanly thing to do. I admit, I only skimmed over the 5 points in this article, but nothing anti female jumped out at me. Sorry if it seemed like I was trying to bash women

  • Jonny

    Reply Reply January 26, 2013

    Im amazed at how well a female can understand a mans emotions. Im a man, and after reading this understand myself a little bit better! Thanks so much for the thoughts!

  • HA! Its dirty woman that make all these problems more real!

    Reply Reply January 26, 2013

    I think the latter kate.
    No offence but think we’v all come across girls like you. Thanx 4 ur honesty but u do reasilse (2 me atleast) u really do come across like a ho so funny u thought perhapes u could make a good prost.. Sorry but perhapes that is so. It seems like by the way you talk you not that into the sex not for any other reason then your a little player who uses men to boost your already big ego. Which is probably why u dont have a relationship but openly skrew around with people who do! Its people like u who help keep women at a degraded level. U probably have never had a long,meaningful relationship in your life for the clear simple fact that men see you for the easy piece of meat you are.
    Sorry just had to say something. Nasty.

    • Jean

      Reply Reply January 26, 2013

      Who are you addressing?

    • Kate

      Reply Reply January 26, 2013

      Hahahah, yes I would come across as an ‘easy peice of meat’, with a massive ego! In fact I have had 4 long term relationships, the last one lasted 10 years ending not because I am a ‘ho’ but because that person ended up being officially diagnosed with Narcisstic Personality Disorder, little to do with putting out or not putting out. And whats more I am 100% committed when in a relationship. I never even went near a man for 12 months after that one ended and have only slept with 2 men since, 2 men in 2 years is hardly a bloody player! You missed the point of how much women play a game with their man if they want to keep him happy, apparently this is what the article was about, keeping your man happy. Is it my fault that men become over excited about putting their penis inside the body of an attractive woman and how tedious it is for us to watch them ‘court’ us to ensure that we will let them, knowing full well that they want nothing else. And then they end up being a boring lover. Women have been pretending and putting up with mens advances since time began, a little truth really does sting doesnt it? I have no idea if you are a man or a woman, but good grief you have made a savage judgement.

      • cathy

        Reply Reply January 27, 2013

        ‘ Is it my fault that men become over excited about putting their penis inside the body of an attractive woman and how tedious it is for us to watch them ‘court’ us to ensure that we will let them, knowing full well that they want nothing else’………Are you serious? I just dont relate to this…MOST men(not all of course) I know are kind and loving and want to find someone thier attracted to and be in love with…where do you meet all these horrible men?

  • Jean

    Reply Reply January 25, 2013

    I am not a troll, I am not a man hater, I am not trying to start an argument. I am just sad about the
    bad way that we treat females.

    But, I must say that I am so proud of my female comrades on this blog, who are strong and not afraid to stand up for respect and fairness for females. Women must continue to speak the truth so that the young girls coming behind us, will not give in to this subtle movement to exalt men and scold and punish females. Anti-female people, want us to join the “Worship Men Club.”

    If we are honest, we would admit that females are born with a preplanned, difficult road to follow, as it is. Seems like we could at least get society to acknowledge this, while recognizing the awesome responsibilities that are on women’s shoulders. When the anti-female people attack us all the time, it’s obvious that something evil is going on, something so powerful, that weak-minded females, succumb to it.

    In conclusion, females, please be strong. Do not allow anti-female writers and authors to sway you with their own biased opinions. Do not allow them to tell you that you are supposed to apologize to men, worship and exalt men, brag on men, please men who do not respect you, accept threats to cheat on you. You are not validated by any man, not your dad, or your husband, or your boyfriend. It is okay to love a man, but love yourself FIRST!! You are a valid human being, made by the most High God. Love yourself, respect yourself and love others too!!

    • Lol?

      Reply Reply January 29, 2013

      Where do you get off that this article is such a bad thing? There are 15 billion articles about “How to give your girl a better orgasm” And “What women want in their men.” What’s so bad about this article? Because it is FOR men? Are we not allowed to be pleased also? You seem as though WOMEN ought to be worshiped and praised, but as soon as an article comes out showing women what men want, it’s “ohhhh but what about us? What about what the women want?” There was nothing Anti-female at all in this article. You’re victimizing yourself, like so many other women do, when it is completely unecessary

  • Jean

    Reply Reply January 25, 2013

    @ AC See, just like men want to be understood, women want to be understood too. Is it that hard for you people to see your bias and unfairness? Just like a man wants sex, a woman wants the caressing, touching, and cuddling. Women are not like men. We do not have the same desires. We DO NOT THINK like men. We do not want sex ALL the time like men. Do you get it, just once? Women can and do enjoy sex, but it is not on the top of our prority list. So what?? Stop trying to make women have the same desires as men. We are not men. We are women !!!
    By trying to get women to put sex high on our totem poles, goes against our nature. It throws our natural balance completely off. We want to connect to our men, but we do not want sex everyday. Wouldn’t it be to the man’s benefit to listen to women, not these brainwashed women writers who are either men posing as women, or are told by their bosses to write these anti women articles. ( I am not referring to Renee)

    Now, if you men would just realize and understand that we do not have the same needs as you, then both genders can work towards a compromise and get both genders’ needs met. Otherwise, we will continue to have these back and forth battles online.

    Anyway, I really don’t get where all these anti women writers are popping up from. Now, if only we can get Renee to defend women for once. Makes you wonder if something fishy is going on on this blog. Hah!!

    But if brainwashed women writers, continue to defend men and demean their own gender, you will continue to have women who attack you back. We refuse to let you women haters tear us down. So stop the criticism and scolding.

    • Sexless Sarah

      Reply Reply January 25, 2013

      Amen! I don’t kick off every time my man fails to make me come, nor do I accept that I must screw him when not in the mood. Maybe if men were better at listening to a woman’s desires he’d actually get what he wants. We’ve all had men who made us want it more– and most of them did so by charm and charisma offensives, not by heaving themselves on top after a long day looking after kids and work And all that shit is girls have to do- heaving on top of us and expecting us to fall open and squeal with desire. Bollocks! Charm me, respect me- turn me on and you can have it. If you want to get it for less effort go pay someone else.! Rah!!! Lol xx

  • AC

    Reply Reply January 24, 2013

    Look, Renee is just trying to present women (or anyone reading this article) with a different view than the one that they have in their own heads. She is honestly trying to help women see a different perspective. I’m a woman… it took me at least a few reads to entirely wrap my head around what she is saying. And it appears quite a few men have expressed gratitude that someone finally understands. And she is not saying that we women should spread ‘em whenever he is in the mood, because if YOU’RE not enjoying it, and wanting it at least how much he wants it, then HE’S not going to enjoy it, and sex would be pointless. What she is saying is that… just because you might not value sex as high as say… I don’t know for me it would be training Brazilian Jiu Jitsu… or whatever you value, shoes, whatever…. it does not mean that HE values it the same way. It’s likely that he values it so much more. And a man values DIFFERENT things than a woman does. Please understand this people, but by us putting sex lower on the todempole, it’s depriving our men (in committed relationships) from an important source of intimacy that he cannot get anywhere else, nor wants to. He simply wants to connect with you and make you happy. He is not a horndog. He might seem that way, the way he drools over you sometimes lol, but he just wants to connect and show his love sometimes. I think Renee only wanted us women to try to see things from a different angle, and really listen without getting defensive, and see if what she wrote might fit what our men might be thinking…. so the next time he puts his hand seductively on your thigh, you might pause to consider what his longings might really be about.

    • Pffft.. Men

      Reply Reply January 25, 2013

      I agree with everything you said, but I still don’t think that’s what the article is saying at all. It’s not telling me to maybe just think about him for once, it’s saying that he’s going to cheat on me if I don’t put out and that it’s how a man feels an emotional connection. Yeah – there might be a deeper connection when you love someone, and it means more, but my man knows I love him and appreciates all the things I do for him, whether we have sex whenever he wants to or not.

      If Renee was trying to say the same thing you are, I don’t really see it. It still seems one sided. I don’t deprive my man of sex cause I’m a feminist bitch who demands to be pampered over without giving anything back, but sex isn’t the only thing I have to give him, and the above makes me feel like its the only thing I can give my man to make him ‘happy’ and make him feel ‘connected’. I reckon men should learn to talk to their girlfriends more.. Why is sex always the only option?

      • man

        Reply Reply January 26, 2013

        What you have to understand is men and women are built different and therefore think different. You’re right men should learn to talk to their girlfriends because that is what you desire just like you should learn to meet his physical needs more because that’s what he desires. It’s all about providing what the other wants and meeting eachothers needs and wants and it’s important so one side doesn’t feel like they’re constantly giving to the other what they want but not receiving the same in return.

        • Jean

          Reply Reply January 26, 2013

          Isn’t this what we women folk have been saying all along?? Women are not built like men. We do not have the same sexual needs. We are totally different. Women are scared to admit it, but it’s the truth. A bunch of thrusting of the partner’s genital, doesn’t usually do it for us, unless at the time, she is just horny. We have been trying to get men to see this, but some peeople do not seem to get it, or do not want to get it.

          Men need intercourse all the time, and they basically want it centered around their genital. Women can and do enjoy intercourse, but much of a woman’s enjoyment, satisfaction, and orgasm, will usually come from one or a combination of the following activities:

          -caressing with his hands all over her body
          -fondling of all over the chest area
          -cuddling
          -stimulation of her clitoris
          -after or during one or more of these, stroking and thrusting will be welcome, but women need more than thrusting

  • Pffft.. Men

    Reply Reply January 24, 2013

    I hate this article.

    And, it’s important to remember that women (and men) must give to their spouse in a way that their spouse can receive it! If you just give or express love to them in the way YOU think is best – but the other person doesn’t perceive love in this, then it’s very easy for that relationship to break down.

    Are you fucking kidding? So I have to let my man stick his dick in me every time he wants to feel loved? I can tell you now from my boyfrind’s mouth himself, it’s so he can feel my vagina around his penis.. That’s about it. Yeah, he loves me, but he actually just wants to have sex.

    The men you got the info off for this article are secretly giggling behind your back that you believed THIS is the reason men have sex.

    They do it mostly because they’re built to procreate. That’s their main prerogative. We’re just the sacks of flesh that carry their spawn around for 9 months.

    Again – I earn more than my bf and don’t live off him by an means – but I don’t dictate our sex life. Should I? I mean, I’m technically the breadwinner so if he’s living off me, does that make me the boss?

    Didn’t think so. It’s called compromise – the article above is basically telling women to do what their boyfriends want them to sexually – otherwise we’re not being fair.

    Fuck that.

    • Sexless Sarah

      Reply Reply January 24, 2013

      I couldn’t agree more with you Pffft. Rock on sister! X

    • Tera

      Reply Reply January 24, 2013

      Thank you for making me laugh!

  • mary

    Reply Reply January 23, 2013

    Wow… after reading this article it seems to me that women should satisfy men no matter what even if they are not getting the attention they need. This article suggests that women should try to put themselves in a mans shoes but not vice versa. I’m sorry but if a woman is expected to try to understand how a man feels then I believe a man should TRY to understand how a woman feels sometimes, too. We all know that men connect through sex but women need to feel a connection or bond before having sex. I’m not saying all men are like this but men need to stop hiding behind the “men are wired differently” reason and start trying to understand women more. No one wants to feel like a doormat or house/sex slave.

    • What?

      Reply Reply January 24, 2013

      Wtf? Who wrote this and what experience do they have in an ‘equal relationship?’

      Now I feel like if I don’t have sex with my bf, I don’t love him and that sex is the ONLY WAY I can make him happy.

      How about when I’m just having sex with him to ‘make him happy’? I feel uncomfortable, disgusting and like I’m having sex against my will… So this is what makes my man happy? I highly doubt it.

      I think I’m just not going to get married if I have to constantly have sex when I don’t want to for the rest of my life.

      I can’t believe all men are THAT bad… Or the ones that aren’t can at least control themselves… But I guess most men DO think with their dicks. Most of my ex boyfriends were sex fiends. I wish some guys just didn’t have blinders on.

      I

      wish my boyfriend could say something to me that WASN’T a sexual connotation, sexual advance, or something that LEADS to sex, but that’s what happens to me at least 5 times a day, every day.

      • cathy

        Reply Reply January 25, 2013

        WOW…I just havnt had this experience with men at all! My boyfriends didnt want sex that often….now that Im single i get quite a lot of attention…get told i am very attractive ….kiss a lot of boys…but it doesnt seem to go anywhere…i would LOVE to have wild passionate sex but I dont seem to get many offers…reading these stories that men want sex all the time doesnt ring true for me…..???

        • cathy

          Reply Reply January 25, 2013

          Here is a confession: I am a dude, and sometimes I don’t want to have sex. For good reasons, or no reasons at all. It just depends.
          I know that’s not actually shocking, but bear with me here, because that is somehow still a radical thing to admit. It’s still the default assumption about men, still casually reinforced basically every day. And women explicitly get told that it’s true, by men, even when they’re asked directly. Here’s just one recent example, from Cosmopolitan‘s “Ask Him Anything” column, in response to a question about why a woman’s husband wants to do it the moment they check into a hotel room anywhere: “Guys pretty much want sex no matter where they go – work, the mall, funerals, etc,” the “Him” who writes the column says, before explaining that a hotel room is just a part of that endless chain.
          Now, there are a whole bunch of reasons why her husband may want to have sex right away when they check into a room, but here’s the thing: None of those reasons have anything to do with my dick, or anybody else’s. So why do we constantly get dragged into it when someone is talking about the male sex drive like it’s a universal constant? And who gets screwed over by this really shallow understanding of male sexuality?
          The second question is easy to answer: If you had “Men, and everybody who has sex with men” in the pool, then go collect your prize. (It’s the possibility of a less fucked-up sex life.)
          The answer to the first question, though, is complicated. Virility is prized in most cultures, through most time periods. People also learn about sex, and the male sex drive, during their teen years, and it’s likely that a fella is going to be hornier in his teen years than he is as he matures — so people who have sex with men, and the men themselves, tend to base their idea of what men’s attitudes about sex are based on what they exhibit during those years. In other words, this isn’t strictly a product of marketing that benefits from treating every social interaction as an understood agreement that a woman’s value on her ability to give men boners, or a culture that portrays the ideal of version as a perpetual adolescence. But once you factor those things into it, hoo boy.
          What you end up with when you add all of those things up is a world in which just about everybody is confused about sex and feels like they’re doing it wrong. So much of the sex dynamics between men and women expects women to be chaste, and men to win sex as a prize. And what kind of man doesn’t want to get a prize all the time?
          That’s the sort of question that makes this stereotype so destructive to men (and, by extension to women) — when it’s agreed upon as a society-wide given that part of being a man is wanting sex constantly, then there’s a lot of pressure to meet that, in order to prove — to others, to yourself — that you are, in fact, a real man.
          Maybe that means writing in advice column that all men want to do it all the time, even at a funeral. Maybe that means pressuring your wife to have sex with you every time you check into your hotel room. Whatever it is, it’s a real pressure. Like, even while I’m writing this, I’m anticipating comments suggesting that my problem is just that I can’t get it up and there’s something wrong with me. The editors may well have to remove a parenthetical “but I totally get awesome boners, for real” that I feel compelled to sneak in here to clarify.
          And when that pressure is put on men, that pressure ends up on anybody who has sex with men, too. It’s on the woman whose husband wants her to go for it the second they walk into a hotel room, but it’s also on the woman who is with a guy who’s not getting hard when they’re getting intimate. If a man is supposed to want it all the time, and he doesn’t want it when he’s with her, then there’s something wrong with at least one of them. Either he’s failing as a man, or she’s letting him down. A lot of the time, they probably both end up feeling like shit.
          Which is the point of continuing to talk about this stereotype, even though most people, if they stop to think about it for a minute can probably recognize is inherently stupid: “All men” don’t want anything. “All men” won’t agree on anything at all, especially not something as personal, complicated, or idiosyncratic as sex, and the notion that we might is absurd. Some guys want to have sex more often than others. Sometimes even guys who want to have sex a lot of the time aren’t into it for whatever reason. There’s nothing wrong with any of that.
          It should be obvious, but somehow it isn’t. As long as men keep pretending like they can speak for everyone — when they may well not even be speaking for themselves — then men and women are going to stay confused. So let’s be real, dudes. I’ll start.

    • Farai

      Reply Reply March 8, 2013

      I am from Zimbabwe.I think this issue should be weighed equally on on every scale inorder to come out woith the best for both parties involved,,,,a balance is all is required to come with a satisfying outcome on the ground.whats sauce for a goose is sauce for a gander–what women want man want also

  • Kate

    Reply Reply January 22, 2013

    Gee I have had an eye opener of a day. First I find that the guy that I had been dating for 2 months has gone back online wihout telling me. Second I have done some soul searching to find out what part I may have played to instigate this and the realisation for me is not nice. Regardless that what he has done is disrespectful, I unintentionally have hurt him by what I thought at the time was playfully diverting him from having sex with me in the morning last time I saw him. I just didn’t want to do it and I would say he has taken this as rejection. Some mens ego’s are just so sensitive and I have no skill in handling it. The fact is that after reading this article I have so much more of understanding of men and what sex means to them and I have come to the realisation that I have a low sex drive and will never be able to keep a man for very long. Oh they find me beautiful, at first, but I just can’t keep up with the sex thing as they are always trying to please me and bring me to orgasm and I sometimes just can’t stand it.

    It is NOT that I don’t care and don’t want to give to them I just find that time after time of having sex and not just straight boring sex it all becomes repetitive for me. Smetimes say ‘have this one for you’ meaning I am here, I am not a starfish, but just please yourself this time’. Or I give a blowjob but I just can’t do the swallow, just can’t. Sometimes I feel I would make a very good prostitute. And get rich. I really enjoy good sex but I just don’t want it all the time and have had only handful of amazing lovers, but so many men are just so bad at sex, no idea how to touch a woman or know anything about our bodies or even know how to kiss. And BTW I have never had a man not want to come back for seconds, thirds etc so I can’t be that bad either. In fact when they have sex with me they pursue me like there is no tomorrow, it is hard to calm them down and eventually I have to get rid of them. Some of the men have been in long marriages and I am blown away as to how the ex wife put up with THAT performance for so long. They have something to answer for to allow their man to have intercourse with them like a rabied rabbit without complaining. And the man is now single and has no idea how bad he is.

    As I write this after reading this article I either have not yet met the right man or I am just a selfish bitch.

  • JLM7688

    Reply Reply January 15, 2013

    I feel a bit less guilty now. I thought perhaps I was odd by keeping track on my phone. The problem is my wife kept swearing we had sex just last week, when in reality it had been two months. Of course I would have been grateful for 20 times we have only managed 6 in the last two years and 5 the year before that. I don’t understand because she hasalways been emphatic that it is good, but she just doesn’t feel like it. For those women who suggest men make woken do all the housework and care for the children, my wife often admits to friends that I’m the one who keeps the house from falling into complete ruin. I seriously resent the generalization that all men are over indulged pampered babies. I would argue there are equal shares of men and women that fit that description.

    • Jean

      Reply Reply January 22, 2013

      @ Kate, don’t be hard on yourself. You are not a bad person. But what is happening is that you now are at the point in your life where you see the reality of male female sexual relationships. Some women are so brainwashed, that it is difficult for them to see the reality.
      A point for us all to be aware of is, that most men, not all, but most of them do not understand the way women are built and they blame us for our being made the way we are. We are not like them just as they are not like us.
      I will tell every man on the planet. Your woman may tell you that she likes sex and that you are satisfying her, but the truth of the matter is, that women were not built to need to have sex all the time. Stop getting all mean about it. You know how men do not like to cuddle like women and not like to sit around being chatty? Well, that is how you all are, and we do not threaten to cheat if you dont cuddle, do we?
      Furthermore, women can and do enjoy sex, but the right series of things need to happen to help us on the way. Now, sometimes, there will be some women whose men know exactly what is needed to help satisfaction and that elusive orgasm. Those men will find that their women look forward to sex. But these other men will continue to be frustrated and wonder why their female companions avoid and find excuses for not wanting to have sex.

      And this thing about shaming, threatening women just because they do not want sex like a man and not want to put their mouths on his genitals has got to stop. Also, dont let him scare you into believing you are supposed to swallow his nasty, slimy semen. Women, this is not natural, normal, and not what sperm or your mouth was made for. Don’t swallow his semen. Will he scoop up and swallow your juices. Even if he does, semen is more than our juices. And women have got to stop allowing men to shame us and threaten cheating. If you read or hear the word cheat again, tell them so d—– what!! let them go and find another woman and cheat. When a man cheats, he wanted to and would have done it anyway. Women you need to know that many men are selfish, egotistical, and misogynists anyway and they will show you in due time how low they can get. So stop reading those articles and books from a certain woman and a certain man, who have the nerve to tell women that we need deny ourselves, ignore our children, be ready for sex 24 hours a day even when you are sick or have to go to your job, exalt men, think like a man, take the blame for men’ s sins and failures, dress up all the time, even when he is a slob, do all the housework, and the list goes on. Listen, women, we are not respected in this society, and we allow this. If they ( men and some other women) did respect us, you would see articles from them that scold men too. We cannot continue to allow others to put us down, scold us, blame us, degrade us,
      make fun of us, use us, beat up on us. Women, let us challenge men and women haters, to play fair, or we will rise up, you can count on me. I am a strong female. My name is jean and I am a wildcat/trojan who is in the valley, waiting for females to open their eyes to the truth.

      • Lance

        Reply Reply January 22, 2013

        Wow, not trying to be rude but reading Jean’s comment, all I could think of was MAN HATER…..

        Sounds a little beyond defensive. I’d almost call comments like that OFFENSIVE.

        • Jean

          Reply Reply January 22, 2013

          @ Lance, it’s okay if you are rude to me. I can take it. I’m a big girl. I’m not like some women , who are weak and gullible, and easily brainwashed. I still believe in protecting my gender.
          I understand how you as a male, take offense to a female speaking up. I am used to it.
          Your comment is just what I said in a previous blog. Men do not want women to speak out against the injustice, that is done everyday in this country and all over the world, against females.
          In general men don’t want females to have an opinion, or a voice.
          You men think that females should sit back and allow you to continue to demean, objectify, and talk about us.
          Lance, don’t use a tire, old, used up label like “man hater.” That is the one most women scolders use. You can be a bit more up to date and creative than that, can’t you ? :)

        • Mike

          Reply Reply January 23, 2013

          Pointless to listen to her ramblings, she’s what people call a feminist lesbian hybrid (the use of misogynistic gives that away). She is totally clueless about men. Even if she were straight, if a guy constantly refused sex with her she would be more upset then any man. When the script is flipped on a woman, they see it as an unthinkable act because the media gives the perception that woman should be the gatekeepers to sex in a relationship. Search, “boyfriend denies sex” on google and you will se how woman react when sex is withheld by a man.

          I have “gone down” on my girlfriend countless times (not a fan of the taste) and she wants me to finish in her to make her orgasm greater, and I do it to please her. My main focus during sex is to please her, and her goal is to please me it’s give and take. I denied her sex recently and for the rest of the day all I heard was, “you don’t think I’m attractive anymore (plus a lot of pouting).”

        • Emmy

          Reply Reply January 27, 2013

          Jean, you have a terrible inferiority complex! Beating your chest and telling everyone how strong you are doesn’t make it so! I don’t think I’ve ever seen so much venom on one board as I do on this one. ALL FROM FEMALES! You jean are the reason why you perceive to be abused because of your gender! In gonna go on a limb here and bet the house that you’re the kind of chick who will don a human sized vagina while demanding respect! You suck Jean, and your (and other deplorable feminists on here) inability to hear about what a man may need is indicative of how selfish you are, and reveals your deplorable inferiority complex! Women like you ARE INFERIOR. And you know it and you HATE IT!

        • Pffft.. Men

          Reply Reply January 27, 2013

          @Emmy: your (and other deplorable feminists on here) inability to hear about what a man may need is indicative of how selfish you are – hope you’re not referring to me. I only have an issue with this article and what it’s trying to say. I totally respect my mans needs, but wanting to fuck me 4 times a day isn’t so he can feel an ‘emotional connection’ every time. The above article to ME is completely wrong. Now if someone wanted to give me a more realistic view of how a man and woman can compromise to meet both parties needs, then I’ll listen. Reading an article written by a woman that in MY eyes is a massive exaggeration and actually quite offensive to women. I’m not a feminist… But I do believe in equality. Men should have to compromise sometimes, just like us women should. I’m not going to sit here and run at every opportunity to have sex, even when I don’t want to, JUST so it’s not MY fault if my man cheats. I understand what you’re saying, but am not sure whether you just read all these comments instead and NOT the article. It’s not telling me to gently take my man into consideration every now and then, it’s trying to throw 100 reasons at me that my boyfriend wants to fuck me 24/7… Yet none of them are ‘Just because he’s horny’. You can’t honestly sit there and say that men fuck for all reasons other than feeling a tight vag around their boner.

          • nemesis

            Reply Reply October 5, 2013

            I have been married for a long time, now divorced. My ex wanted sex a lot more than I did and nine times out of ten I did not refuse. However, over the years, the sex became a chore for me, in addition to other chores such as cooking, cleaning and going to work.

            For almost ten years my body shut down and I did not feel like sex at all, I was dead from the neck down. My ex would become angry with me because I was not turned on by him even though I forced myself to have sex to keep the peace. He behaved like a pig, abused me verbally, emotionally and sexually. I hated him with a passion. One night, he became ill, if our children weren’t there I would not have called the ambulance and would happily let him drift into oblivion.

            Now that I am single I found that I can enjoy sex again. Sex is enjoyable for women too, when it is not a chore and when the relationship is healthy with no abuse and putdowns.

            I don’t intent to re marry or live together with anyone that way I wont’ have to have sex when I dont feel like it.

      • Phoxfire

        Reply Reply February 2, 2013

        I find it amusing that any article about men having needs is drowned by vitriol. Of course we women have needs and should be treated well and respected. The same goes for men, the article is saying that men get most of their connection in a relationship through sex. Take that away and you will have problems, the extent of them varies. It took me ages to see this in my relationship, my boyfriend was becoming distant and spending more time with his mates and at work. He spent less time with me and we did less couple stuff, work and children took over my priorities. We ended up in counselling, and this all came out. Now we are going strong and married happily. He does lots around the house and with the kids, as well as things to make me feel special. I know he doesn’t feel like coming home from work and making dinner and helping with homework and getting the kids to bed. After cleaning up the house I get a foot massage anytime I ask for one and I know sometimes he’s dead on his feet. I don’t say yes to sex every time, but I say yes more than my own sex drive would need to be satisfied, and that’s OK. It’s not degrading anymore than wanting a massage is. He could say no, but he virtually never does to any requests like a cup of tea or help with a chore. Get off your highhorses and work with someone rather than against them. You’ll both be happier.

      • Lol?

        Reply Reply February 5, 2013

        Men do like cuddling. You’ve had bad experiences with men, that is all this is, just like I’ve had bad experiences with girls who cheat and scratch me. I still respect women.

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