5 Reasons Why Women Shouldn’t Deprive their Man of Sex

5 Reasons Why Women Shouldn’t Deprive their Man of Sex

1) The only difference between a friendship and a relationship is intimacy. If you have a sexless marriage or a sexless relationship, what are you? companions? best friends? If a couple doesn’t have much sex, then this generally means they lack passion, and that they could be more in love. There’s no such thing as losing the feeling of being in love. You just lose the ‘state’ of being in love, and you lose polarity/passion with your spouse.  You can be in love and have passionate sex way in to your old age. (Click here to take the quiz on “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?”)

Yes, sex is not the only way to achieve intimacy, but it is one of the main and most important ways to achieve intimacy between a man and a woman. Not making sex a priority can cause your relationship to deteriorate. The passion dies out.

2) Women can go to their girlfriends, a counselor, a guy friend, a mother, father, relative, aunt, to connect and talk to people. Men don’t generally do this.

I’m not saying there aren’t men who DO call their guy friends up for a long chat about their feelings, problems and sex life, but this is not common.

Sex is one of the major and most important ways through which a man gets his needs of connection/love met. Men aren’t just asking for sex because it feels good (although that’s part of it too). (read my article about why men love blowjobs)

If a man loves his woman, he wants to have sex with her because he loves her and wants her to be open to him. This is one of the main ways in which a man expresses his love, and it is one of the major ways in which a woman can show and prove her love for her man (although by no means the ONLY way).

For a lot of men, his woman is the only place he can go to for connection and love. His woman is often the only source he has. Men have many challenges in the world – and it’s important that he has a woman who understands his needs. Of course – understanding a man’s needs is not about just giving him sex. Men have many other needs, too. But the issue of sex is one that many women struggle with.

And, the modern western world has been affected by the feminist movement which has given women the idea that they shouldn’t prioritize a man’s needs, and that includes not wanting to meet his sexual needs regularly. However, the man is still expected to meet her needs!

Your man’s needs are just as important as the needs of your children or the needs of your friends! At the end of it all – your man is the one you’re going to be left with. Children will grow up and leave. Friends will have their own lives. A sexless marriage or a sexless relationship can cause a man to become dejected and resentful, as with every rejection the negative association (with his wife or girlfriend) becomes stronger.

3) Let’s talk about masculine and feminine energy, which relates very, very closely to sex. The masculine energy is about releasing. The feminine energy is about filling up. I’ll say that again. The masculine energy wants to release and the feminine energy wants to fill up.Filling up is also very much about the emotional aspect of things.

The feminine energy has many ways to fill up – shopping, having sex, talking to girlfriends, connecting with pets, talking, listening, and much more. The masculine energy has many ways in which they can release, too – but men don’t generally think the way women do.

Click here to take our popular program Understanding Men.

4) It feeds a man’s needs for love from his woman. I know a lot of women will want to lash out at me for saying this – but if two people are in a relationship, and the woman denies her man of sex, puts the children/career/girlfriends/other family first, then over time, this starts to build up negative associations within the man in relation to the woman, and makes him feel less like a man, less loved, less accepted – and this can (NOT always!) lead to cheating. (read my article about can a man be monogamous?)

Sex with a woman whom he loves fulfills a very deep need for love and acceptance within a man. If you’re not attracted to him enough in order to want to have sex with him, over time, he may start to feel less of a man – more like you don’t accept him as a man and that you’re not attracted to him. This is a painful thing to feel.

This is also one reason why men cheat. A lot of their emotional needs are met through sex!!

In The Truth about Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do to Prevent It- licensed family counselor M. Gary Neuman studied hundreds of men who had cheated on their wives, in order to find out why they did.

His results show clearly that the main reason why men did cheat on their women was for emotional reasons. When asked what led to their cheating, the answers given by the men showed up as follows:

  • 48% – primarily emotional dissatisfaction
  • 32% – equal emotional and sexual dissatisfaction
  • 8% – primarily sexual dissatisfaction

This doesn’t mean women should be pressured in to having sex. Women and men (equally) need to work on creating passion, love and excitement with their spouse so that lack of sex will not be a problem, but rather – lack of free time, space or opportunity for it ;)a much healthier problem!!

5) I’ll be as frank as I can.

Never expect to just be loved and adored for who you are without having to put any effort and sweat in to anything. We are all enough – but you can never, ever - expect to have and keep the man of your dreams or to have a passionate lifelong, loving relationship where you’re worshipped and adored by your man for life if you do not give to him. It’s all about the standards you have for yourself.

And, it’s important to remember that women (and men) must give to their spouse in a way that their spouse can receive it! If you just give or express love to them in the way YOU think is best – but the other person doesn’t perceive love in this, then it’s very easy for that relationship to break down.

If you’re always thinking of yourself, and constantly quantifying what you get and give in your relationship (like that terrible, TERRIBLE sayingGive-and-take) you will never have and experience that amazing relationship that everyone dreams of and which everybody wants. (Click here to take the quiz “How High Value High Status Am I on Facebook?”)

That’s all for now. Do you have any thoughts on this subject? Feel free to share them below. And, if you did like the article, let me know. Also, let me know if you hated it too :)

AND – if you want to understand more about men and sex, read my article ‘Why Men Love Blow Jobs‘.

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  • T

    I’m glad I came across this. I am spiraling down a bad path in my relationship and you so clearly and brilliantly said what I need to hear and comprehend! It makes so much sense

  • Kevin

    Kudos to Renee for sticking up for decent guys , all too often women use sex as a tool of control to keep ” him ” in line !! In general the female sex drive is way lower than a mans , I’m just glad mine has declined with age , high sex drives are a curse….anyone that invents a way of killing the male libido with no side effects will very quickly be a billionaire !!

  • A woman at heart.

    I feel like I am the man in my relationship who is being neglected. I feel like my needs mean nothing. I have gone through a rough patch with my boyfriend. He says things like “You need to earn my affection” and “You don’t stimulate me emotionally and or mentally.” or even “All you want is sex.”
    Now, myself as a woman would like to disagree on what he is saying and doing to me. I believe I am above average when it comes to intelligence and that because I am so emotional I actually do notice his change in feelings and I try to be there from him. I should have his affection without earning it. We probably have sex once every 2 months. I feel the passion is lacking. I am severely upset about how our relationship gets treated. I want to have a loving, warm place I can snuggle into and know the same is wanted from his side. Can a relationship like this be fixed? I don’t want to live a life where I have no passion. Hell he has never even kissed me. He says “Way too many Germs” or “Your Breathe smells bad.” Any advice or opinions please.

    • Jessica

      Woman at heart, I know how it feels to be deprived of sex. My husband did that to me too. He said I wanted it at the wrong time (not during the Monthly) and he didn’t want to wear it out. I almost had sex with another man because my husband wouldn’t give it. If you’re single, find another man who won’t neglect you in that department. If you’re married, keep on initiating and if he still won’t get a toy and relieve those sexual frustrations girlfriend (lol).

      • A woman at heart.

        We have been dating for just over 2 years. I am sorry you are married and that you are stuck with a man like him. I will need to let him go and move out. I am as good as being an abusive relationship. There is no passion for me within this man, and it hurts. I resent him and hate him. All I want is love and I doubt I will find it here. Thank you for taking time to write back to me.

        • Jessica

          You’re welcome Woman at heart. I did tell my husband how I felt. He also knows that I have toys when he’s not in the mood. He straightened up and flew right because he knows that I don’t have to sleep with another man to relieve my sexual frustrations, but I will if comes to that. Toys go only so far. It’s not the same as having a warm and loving man in bed next to you. A man/woman will take no from his/her wife/husband only so many times until he/she goes out and finds another woman/man that will tell him/her yes.

  • ruby

    Sex is not food, nor an obligation, don’t make your woman feel like she has to do it..you won’t have this problem if you are satisfying your spouses needs in all departments spiritual physical and emotional..Life and love is not all about sex..there’s so much more to life…

  • matt

    Anonymous needs some ASAP!
    I never heard such a hateful feminist in my life….now.. I’ve been married to my beautiful wife for almost 12yrs now. Her libido use to be thru the roof! Now it seems like she couldn’t care less and makes it seem like a job. I have a high sex drive, am open to try new things, basically do ANYTHING she wants in bed. I don’t make her get a job, tho I struggle with bills. I even cook dinner 95% of the time. Its very depressing when the one u love only let’s you touch her once a month. I’ve never cheated on her. Dont even entertain the idea… I hope I’m strong enough to keep it that way. I tell her everyday how beautiful she is… Usually get a sarcastic comment back…it really hurts.

    • A woman at heart.

      I know how you feel. Know you are not a lone…. there some of us women who need to deal with this rejection as well. I just don’t know how you do it for 12 years.

  • anonymous

    What a load of crap. Sex is a purely physical thing. It’s a desire. It is not necessary to live. Men need to get over themselves and quit making women their sex slaves. Plain and simple. If you want a woman to want sex with you, BE NICE TO HER. Don’t be a douchebag who is only nice when you want sex. Until you can do that, get over it.

    • Patrick

      This is for anonymous: You have no idea of what you speak and are quite ignorant. A man’s #1 emotional need is sexual intimacy. It is part of his biology. This article is not about men who treat women badly and then expect sex. I am sure the author is not in favor of that. There are other blogs to discuss that kind of thing. It is about women who deprive their men of sex because they are not in the mood, don’t want it, etc. and don’t understand the betrayal a man feels, the sense of being unloved, the diminishment of his self-worth he feels. If a woman continuously deprives a man of her body and there is no physical illness or disability to explain this, then she simply does not love him. That is assuming the man is a good man and treats her well. If he doesn’t, why would she want to be with him anyway. But a woman does not get to deprive a man of sex and still say she loves him. She doesn’t have that right, in my opinion.

      • anonymous

        Patrick, do not judge without knowing. You do not know who I am or what my experience is. I happen to be in a long, very loving relationship, and my husband agrees with the fact that sex is a desire, not a need. Sex is a distraction, one neither of us feels is necessary, except when we conceived our children. He treats me very well, by the way, as I do him. We have both seen men who treat women horribly then turn around and expect sex from them, using all the same logic used in this article. We have seen many a marriage crumble because of the same logic used in this article.

        I wish you the best, Sir.

        • Patrick

          Anonymous:

          I guess you and I read the article differently. I agree with most points in the article. However, I think it would be better if the author said that this applies to men who love and honor their women and to women who love their man. If a man treats his woman well and she says she loves him, then what is said in this article should apply. Can we agree on that? I do not agree that a man who does not treat his woman well should expect that she would want to make love to him.

          What about women who say they are not in the mood all the time? You say that you and your husband believe that sex is only a desire for men, not a need. That is not true, anymore then love is not a need. You are asking a man to go without love, because sexual intimacy is his #1 emotional need. That is too much to ask and as I said before, I believe any woman forfeits the right to say she love her man, if she continuously refuses him for no other reason than she is not in the mood.

          If your husband truly believes that sex for a man is only a desire, he is in the very small minority of men who believe that. Look at the research, talk to marriage counselors, he is so wrong. But I wonder if he really believes it. If you are depriving him of sex (which I hope you are not doing), then I doubt he is truly happy.

          I don’t mean to be rude, if you think that I am. But there are so many women (including my wife) who don’t understand the truths in this article. For you to say the article is crap is your right. But I assure you that what is said in the article is true and more true than you could ever believe. Don’t ignore what is said here.

        • A woman at heart.

          I disagree. We as humans need sex. Without it you don’t have a healthy relationship. You and your husband in my opinion sound more like friends and not a couple.

        • Anon

          BS. Your husband says that because judging by your knee jerk response, you’ve deprived him into submission and he probably doesn’t want to argue with you anymore so agrees. He’s probably watching tonnes of porn and thinking about other women but too afraid to confront you and your extremist views.

      • Living Authentically

        Patrick,

        Your response is so true. I am in a loving relationship and enjoy sex in a way that is just amazing. I really love my man — we have a balanced and healthy relationship with a strong and growing bond filled with respect, understanding, acceptance, fun, and trust — and I just love all the many connection points we have with each other, sex being one of the most loving and amazing experiences shared between us. Without going into my history too much, I understand that which you speak, and it is true — when you really genuinely love your man (and he is a good man that treats you well), you want to share the physical part of the bond — regularly and often. :)

    • T

      Key words “be nice to her” my man threatens to cheat on me if I’m not more sexy,or provocative. He says to keep him interested. Although he puts me down so much some times I wish he would cheat on me and leave so the pain and self-loathing would stop. How can you be sexy and depressed at the same time … I haven’t figured that one out yet.

  • lynn

    I agree with this article to an extent, but if men need sex, they should be willing to accept it as just sex (i.e. f’ing) if the emotional needs of the woman are not being met. They can’t expect the woman to ‘make love’ if she is basically just giving it up to meet his sexual/release needs. I think a lot of men still don’t understand that having sex is their means to an ends and then allows them to be emotional vulnerable, whereas with women the emotional connection is what comes first and is, in other words, the means to the sexual ends from the female perspective.

    • T

      A vicious cycle. Men needing sex to feel vulnerable to love, and women needing love to be vulnerable for sex.

  • Lessons Learned

    I’ve been thinking about this article for quite some time now.
    I’m trying to figure out why an article like this is necessary. Why don’t women already know that men don’t feel loved or connected without sex? Why don’t we already know that sex makes men feel accepted and attractive?
    Why don’t we already know that the only emotional outlet men have is through sex with his partner?

    Why do we feel like it’s “just sex” they want when men badger us or whine for more sex?
    Why don’t we get it? Why don’t we understand? Why do mature women need this to be explained?

    I wonder if it might have something to do with growing up learning that “all men want is sex?”
    I wonder if it might have something to do with going through the dating years being dumped for not “putting out?”
    I wonder if it might have something to do with feeling used for sex and watching our girlfriends be used for sex and then be dumped?

    I wonder if the media is filling us with thoughts that men like lots of sex and that the one with the most sex wins the macho prize? Maybe it’s because we know men love to look at naked bodies and love to look at pretty women even when we are standing right next to them. Maybe it’s because we know men love porn and ask us to do repulsive acts to make them feel like real men.

    I wonder if it’s because we keep hearing that if we don’t give our man constant regular sex, he will find another woman who will because heaven knows, it’s not the love from a particular woman he needs, it’s the sex and what he gets from it that he needs….it doesn’t matter who he gets it from. Remember: “Don’t expect to just be loved and adored for who you are.” Men Need Sex.

    We’ve been conditioned to think and feel this way over the years.
    We’ve been programed to think that “all men want is sex”.
    We are told over and over again that it’s sex men NEED. Even our own partners remind us of such.

    That must be why we need articles like this to enlighten us that after a man decides to commit to a relationship, all of a sudden sex takes on a whole new meaning and no one told us women! After a man commits, he suddenly turns into a passionate, loving, emotional person who suddenly doesn’t feel whole without the loving sex you show him. It’s no longer a sexual need now, it’s turned into an emotional need. All he wants is your devotion and warm body next to his. His days will be brighter and his stress levels will decrease. He’ll walk into work with a glow about him. He will worship and adore you . All he wants is you and your physical devotion! Wow! Why didn’t anyone tell us that in high school? How did we all miss that memo?
    How did we get it so wrong?

    Lesson Learned: Once committed, don’t deprive your man of his new emotional needs.
    It has nothing to do with give and take.
    It really doesn’t matter if your emotional needs are being met, cause heck, you’ll feel adored and worshiped by being your man’s sexual/emotional provider.

    • anonymous

      Maybe it’s because we know men love porn and ask us to do repulsive acts to make them feel like real men.

      This is exactly the problem nowadays. They don’t feel like “men” unless women do these disgusting, repulsive acts. It’s sickening.

    • T

      You hit the nail on the head..

  • Anna

    So. I am a woman, 19 years old, and I have a boyfriend who is like 10 years older than me. HIS libido is lower than mine, and I really don’t understand. Don’t get me wrong, but: I am a pretty goodlookig young woman, and he keeps telling me as well, that my appearance is ‘totally not the problem’ but yeah, meanwhile; he still doesn’t want to have sex with me at least as much as I want it, dont even think about him wanting it more than me (ofcourse it does appear, now and then, that the roles do turn around)… but I just don’t get this; why is our situation so different than the cliché stories of men wanting more sex than women, and why do I have this and why now I’m 19 (again, don’t get me wrong, I absolutely don’t have a big attitude…, actually, I do ‘feel’ this article very good at the point of feeling rejected, o my god, it hurts… I really can’t explain what it does to me, it is making me really insecure and i did start doubting about myself and my looks since I date my boyfriend, although he keeps saying it has nothing to do with mw, but it’s just him who is different… but why? How can I not make that difference of him suddenly having a bigger libido? and why does these clichés don’t count for him and for me? Is this normal? Does it appear often? Cause he keeps saying it’s pretty normal, ofcourse cause he doesn’t want to be weird…) and we did talk about it, but there doesn’t seem to be a solution, he just seems to be ‘different’ in this, butI am getting pretty desperate… I really don’t want the situation to get so bad that I’m ending up cheating because of my unsecurity and unfulfilled needs… I would really like, and appreciate some help, cause these thoughts are getting me down and I really don’t understand the situation…

  • Anna

    Oops, wasn’t ready yet, rest will follow in a bit