5 Reasons Why Women Shouldn’t Deprive their Man of Sex

5 Reasons Why Women Shouldn’t Deprive their Man of Sex

1) The only difference between a friendship and a relationship is intimacy. If you have a sexless marriage or a sexless relationship, what are you? companions? best friends? If a couple doesn’t have much sex, then this generally means they lack passion, and that they could be more in love. There’s no such thing as losing the feeling of being in love. You just lose the ‘state’ of being in love, and you lose polarity/passion with your spouse.  You can be in love and have passionate sex way in to your old age. (Click here to take the quiz on “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?”)

Yes, sex is not the only way to achieve intimacy, but it is one of the main and most important ways to achieve intimacy between a man and a woman. Not making sex a priority can cause your relationship to deteriorate. The passion dies out.

2) Women can go to their girlfriends, a counselor, a guy friend, a mother, father, relative, aunt, to connect and talk to people. Men don’t generally do this.

I’m not saying there aren’t men who DO call their guy friends up for a long chat about their feelings, problems and sex life, but this is not common.

Sex is one of the major and most important ways through which a man gets his needs of connection/love met. Men aren’t just asking for sex because it feels good (although that’s part of it too). (read my article about why men love blowjobs)

If a man loves his woman, he wants to have sex with her because he loves her and wants her to be open to him. This is one of the main ways in which a man expresses his love, and it is one of the major ways in which a woman can show and prove her love for her man (although by no means the ONLY way).

For a lot of men, his woman is the only place he can go to for connection and love. His woman is often the only source he has. Men have many challenges in the world – and it’s important that he has a woman who understands his needs. Of course – understanding a man’s needs is not about just giving him sex. Men have many other needs, too. But the issue of sex is one that many women struggle with.

And, the modern western world has been affected by the feminist movement which has given women the idea that they shouldn’t prioritize a man’s needs, and that includes not wanting to meet his sexual needs regularly. However, the man is still expected to meet her needs!

Your man’s needs are just as important as the needs of your children or the needs of your friends! At the end of it all – your man is the one you’re going to be left with. Children will grow up and leave. Friends will have their own lives. A sexless marriage or a sexless relationship can cause a man to become dejected and resentful, as with every rejection the negative association (with his wife or girlfriend) becomes stronger.

3) Let’s talk about masculine and feminine energy, which relates very, very closely to sex. The masculine energy is about releasing. The feminine energy is about filling up. I’ll say that again. The masculine energy wants to release and the feminine energy wants to fill up.Filling up is also very much about the emotional aspect of things.

The feminine energy has many ways to fill up – shopping, having sex, talking to girlfriends, connecting with pets, talking, listening, and much more. The masculine energy has many ways in which they can release, too – but men don’t generally think the way women do.

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4) It feeds a man’s needs for love from his woman. I know a lot of women will want to lash out at me for saying this – but if two people are in a relationship, and the woman denies her man of sex, puts the children/career/girlfriends/other family first, then over time, this starts to build up negative associations within the man in relation to the woman, and makes him feel less like a man, less loved, less accepted – and this can (NOT always!) lead to cheating. (read my article about can a man be monogamous?)

Sex with a woman whom he loves fulfills a very deep need for love and acceptance within a man. If you’re not attracted to him enough in order to want to have sex with him, over time, he may start to feel less of a man – more like you don’t accept him as a man and that you’re not attracted to him. This is a painful thing to feel.

This is also one reason why men cheat. A lot of their emotional needs are met through sex!!

In The Truth about Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do to Prevent It- licensed family counselor M. Gary Neuman studied hundreds of men who had cheated on their wives, in order to find out why they did.

His results show clearly that the main reason why men did cheat on their women was for emotional reasons. When asked what led to their cheating, the answers given by the men showed up as follows:

  • 48% – primarily emotional dissatisfaction
  • 32% – equal emotional and sexual dissatisfaction
  • 8% – primarily sexual dissatisfaction

This doesn’t mean women should be pressured in to having sex. Women and men (equally) need to work on creating passion, love and excitement with their spouse so that lack of sex will not be a problem, but rather – lack of free time, space or opportunity for it ;)a much healthier problem!!

5) I’ll be as frank as I can.

Never expect to just be loved and adored for who you are without having to put any effort and sweat in to anything. We are all enough – but you can never, ever - expect to have and keep the man of your dreams or to have a passionate lifelong, loving relationship where you’re worshipped and adored by your man for life if you do not give to him. It’s all about the standards you have for yourself.

And, it’s important to remember that women (and men) must give to their spouse in a way that their spouse can receive it! If you just give or express love to them in the way YOU think is best – but the other person doesn’t perceive love in this, then it’s very easy for that relationship to break down.

If you’re always thinking of yourself, and constantly quantifying what you get and give in your relationship (like that terrible, TERRIBLE sayingGive-and-take) you will never have and experience that amazing relationship that everyone dreams of and which everybody wants. (Click here to take the quiz “How High Value High Status Am I on Facebook?”)

That’s all for now. Do you have any thoughts on this subject? Feel free to share them below. And, if you did like the article, let me know. Also, let me know if you hated it too :)

AND – if you want to understand more about men and sex, read my article ‘Why Men Love Blow Jobs‘.



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  • Jessica

    Reply Reply December 19, 2014

    Sometimes women feel the same way a man does when she is rejected sexually. I’ve experienced this with my husband when I’m feeling freaky and want it, he wouldn’t give it. He said I wanted it at the wrong time (not during that monthly)and he didn’t want to wear it out. I even told him I wanted to dance for him and got rejected. I was angry and it made me want to cheat because if you keep rejecting your mate, someone else will pay attention and receive what you’ve been wanting to give to your mate.

  • Jay

    Reply Reply December 17, 2014

    Hi I would like to say that you have hit the nail on the head harder than anyone I have come across. I wish I could have my partner understand men as well as you do. It would make my life perfect as everything else is, except for her way of dealing with our sex life! It drives me crazy with frustration and sometimes I feel as though I am getting to that resentment stage, then she puts out and it’s better for a bit.

    Myself, and a lot of mates I have spoken to about this, feel like women just find it impossible to digest that men just want them to come onto us and make us feel like they love doing “it” with us!

  • anima basnar

    Reply Reply December 2, 2014

    Dear writer/ mother,

    You really understand man on primal level.

    As a man it cannot be helped because we are being program by our creator that way.I don’t blame creator for this.

    This it just great.

    Man instinct always wanted to protect and provide for their blood and loved one.

  • Kitty

    Reply Reply November 30, 2014

    What about relationships in which one of the members identifies as asexual? Asexual people can and do have sex and some enjoy it, but in my case, I do not. I have no interest in having sex and will decline if someone else initiates. My boyfriend is not asexual. He understands my sexual orientation, only occasionally tries to initiate sex, and will never force the matter, but I’m worried that this will get to him in the long-term. We both make sure that we spend time together talking, kissing, cuddling, etc. so it isn’t like we are not intimate at all, but will this meet his emotional needs? This isn’t something I’m willing to compromise on (I will not give him false, insincere consent), but I don’t want to ruin our relationship either.

  • Joan of Arc

    Reply Reply October 17, 2014

    So what does a woman do if sex doesn’t make her feel loved but makes her feel more disconnected?
    Been married for 35 years and have been having regular sex the whole time. As the years go by, the sex makes me feel worse and worse to the point that I am depressed for a full day after we have sex and dread our next encounter.
    How can sex make a man feel so loved and make a woman feel so unloved? Making sex a priority has made my passion disappear. I’m beginning to build up negative association with sex.

    • Spain of Frank

      Reply Reply October 29, 2014

      That’s not normal, better see a mental doc!

      • Weng

        Reply Reply November 20, 2014

        agree !

  • Anthony

    Reply Reply September 27, 2014

    I came across your website/blog today. Your writings are astute and bravely expressed. I am 59, married to the same lady since the late 1970’s.
    We have on average some form of sexual intimacy around 3-4 times a year since 2000, most of which is pretty average. I don’t ask, hint, suggest anymore. Who wants to be rejected. Before I begin to sound like a loser. Let me say that apart from this sexless issue which is an enormous frustration much of the rest of my life is pretty good. I am reasonably good looking, told I look I my late 40’s often, eat healthy and attend a gym regularly. I have no problems with getting hard.. I adore a woman’s body and have a reasonably good idea how to have satisfying sex with a woman. I love passion and intimacy. I think of sex often each day. I am finding it hard to feel emotionally connected with her. We are good friends and laugh a lot together. Sadly what I want right now is a secret friend for sex who has the same unmet needs. The trouble with this idea is that is the total opposite of my personal values. Basically I am trapped. I have 4 choices. Leave her. Accept my sexless marriage. Fix the problem. Find a lover. I am open to suggestions.

    • canim

      Reply Reply October 31, 2014

      I felt the pain while reading what you wrote there and it stayed with me. And I feel even more pain on the thought of you finding a lover. I am glad, though, about your values. Hang in there. The first thing that came to my mind as a suggestion was why not first try to fix the problem and if it doesn’t work then leave? I hope you will not find a lover. I don’t believe that is a healthy and dignified way to deal with this situation. Take care.

      • canim

        Reply Reply October 31, 2014

        P.S. If you have an unmet need, as it seems you do, get it met, but do so in a beautiful and dignified, honest way. Love

  • Kellen

    Reply Reply September 11, 2014

    Hi I’ve been with my girlfriend for 3 years, 2 of those being long distance and then this last year being together in the same city. Everything was going fine until late spring where there was a drop in intimacy, granted she hasn’t been the most intimate type and I understood that from the get go but we still had amazing sex. I believe a big indicator as to her drop in libido was when she wasn’t into oral as much anymore, every now and then I would give her oral but she’d prefer penetration 90% of the time. I figured it might just be a preference thing but hell I may just be aloof. Despite the difficulties I rode things out until the other week (a few months later) where I found out (accidentally coming across her diary word document) she had a crush on an older coworker. I just let it pass because she didn’t cheat and I understand attraction is a natural thing and me coming across that should have never happened as it infringes on her privacy. There was a point in the summer where we almost broke up because she felt like she wasn’t able to pursue herself and interests but at the same time she said she was deeply in love with me and was essentially at a crossroads but felt that her love was still strong and worth it. We had a good few weeks of great sex but recently she came back from a family vacation the other week and she just seems out of it intimately. We had the worst sex last night and it really hurt me but I didn’t tell her that. I love this woman like none other, I know she has many insecurities that she wants to change about herself but I want to shine the light on her greatness and show her how she’s special to me and others around her. I’m at a crossroads and all I want to do is just rekindle the flame.

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