As a woman, it is not hard at all to get stuck in a relationship with a commitment phobic man. Sometimes even if you’re a beautiful, smart and classy woman, you’ll have to deal with some sort of commitment-phobia in your man. (Click here to take the quiz on “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man? “)
Your task is to really see what a man does for what it is, and make your decision from there.
If the man you are seeing exhibits many of these signs, it’s time to question: why are you wasting your precious youth, time and worry on someone who is NOT worth your time?
I truly believe in patience and understanding when it comes to men – it is part of being a mature and feminine woman. But you need to choose the right man to have patience with.
Sometimes, no amount of patience and understanding will get a man to be the man you crave him to be. And that’s ok.
You didn’t do anything wrong, and neither did he. He is simply not the right man for you, and there is someone out there for you. Someone whom you can truly live a full life with, a passionate life with, a man who truly fills you up with love, and who adores you like you are his princess. (Click here to learn how you can inspire your man to commit)
Here are the 10 typical signs of a commitment-phobic man:
1) He only seems to respond to contact from you that is sexual.
You may think that being sexual is a good way to get his attention, and it sure is. But if he only replies reliably and consistently when you make hints towards sleeping together or send a dirty text, then perhaps he is only in it for the sex.
If he regularly ignores texts, calls and emails from you suggesting dinner, a movie night, or time with your friends, yet quickly replies to anything sexual, there’s a chance that this man only has fun and no-strings-attached sex on his mind and doesn’t mind keeping you around for the sex and ONLY the sex.
2) He has too many strange reasons not to ‘friend’ you on Facebook.
When a man doesn’t allow you into his world on Facebook, it could be a sign he is resisting commitment to you.
Facebook is a tell-tale place for making sure that a man is interested in you and is proud to have you in his life.
Why? Because if he is proud and happy to have you in his life, he doesn’t fear you appearing in his news feed, tagging him in things, or commenting on his Facebook updates. (Click here to complete the quiz on “How High Value High Status Am I on Facebook”)
Because Facebook is such a public place; if he has other women, or if he puts you low on his priority list, he may avoid adding you on Facebook because it’ll be easy for you to bring issues up and inconvenience him.
A catch: if the man is a womanizer, he might gladly add you, as more women commenting and liking his updates means he receives higher status and higher regard in his social circle or among his Facebook friends.
It depends on the man and his blueprint of the world.
So, it’s up to you to work out, from the other points in this article, whether he uses Facebook as a way to have women make him look good, or whether he actually has a Facebook and deliberately avoids ‘friending’ you for fear of ‘issues’ that arise from that, that might complicate his life.
3) He is in his late 30’s (even worse, 40’s), and has never been married.
A man has plenty of time to find the right one and to settle down. But, if at the age of 38, the most LIKELY place you will find him 5 nights a week is at the gym, for a minimum of 2 hours, then maybe, just maybe…he actually loves being single and prefers to live his life that way.
4) He talks about women in a way that actually makes you feel uneasy or queasy in your gut.
This takes a little bit of patience on your part. You need to stop and actually start listening to what he is saying and how it makes you feel.
If the way he talks about women makes you feel like: ‘hang on…what the hell….’ and yet you have a voice in your head making excuses such as “oh well maybe he’s just…” stop it.
A man that doesn’t talk nicely about women has never felt like he was worthy of them and probably spent many years feeling like he could not handle them.
Which means there is a good chance he doesn’t feel like he could handle you. Some men are just downright bitter and angry towards females and see them as a pain because they have felt rejected by them their whole lives.
If he says things like: “WOMEN! You can’t live with them, you can’t live without them!” or “women just complain all the time” – he might be right, many women do complain all the time….but…if this is his strongest ASSOCIATION with females, then maybe he won’t have the time and patience for you.
What matters here is HIS association with women. For example, what I mean is, in HIS head, what does the word WOMAN equal to?
If it’s always one of frustration or indifference and he says things like the above, then listen and watch carefully and be smart about things. (see my article on
5) He rarely asks you about your life, or how you are.
And if he DOES, it seems more like a pleasantry to you (something he mentions just for the sake of mentioning)….and he doesn’t really listen to your answers. (read my article about Casual Relationship)
6) He ignores your birthday (even when you tell him that it’s your Birthday soon) and ignores you around Easter and Christmas.
A client of mine once drove me to intense frustration after several private sessions with her; telling me about a guy who was clearly not ever going to commit to her, who ignored her birthday even when she TOLD him that it was coming up and ignored the actual day of her birthday and yet she still told me….:”But…but he TOLD me I’m his GIRL!!”
Question is: if someone tells you constantly “Oh my dear, I’d NEVER set your house on fire!” “I’d never hurt your family and set your house alight!” and one day, you come home, and he has burnt your house down…do you believe what he said?
Do you believe that he would never do that?
Or would you believe the actual facts: that your house has been burnt down right in front of you by this man? I hope you believe the obvious.
For most men who are willing to commit or will commit in the future, your birthday is an important event for him.
In the beginning stages, he may not spoil you, but at least he’d make an attempt to call you – not just to wish you a happy birthday – but to ask you how your actual birthday was.
7) The story his mouth tells is almost always more enticing than the story his actions tell.
Simple. Don’t be dumb, because you are not dumb.
So don’t let a man’s words fool you. I understand, as women, we all make this mistake at least once – we all fall for a man’s words at least once; we are designed to.
Nature didn’t make us to be smart all the time; it made us to be as easily willing to have sex as possible with the man who got to our ears by sweet talking so we could pass on our genes and propagate the human species.
Be good to yourself. And give the right man for you, more time with you!
Do that by losing the man who talks a lot and delivers little, so the right man can wake up next to you every morning and kiss you on the head with a goofy smile on his manly face.
8) He often responds to you with defensiveness or deflects questions with verbal abuse.
Defensiveness and verbal abuse – these two things are extremely difficult for a woman to have to deal with in a relationship, and these are the last two things I want YOU to have to deal with.
Ideally, a man would be centred and strong, and would take full responsibility for himself, and would think things through rather than act snide or abusive.
But unfortunately, some males were not raised very well, or had bad childhood experiences that lead them to be this way; and it’s painful for the women in his life.
One thing you need to be careful of – if you grew up with abuse, YOU might think this is love. You may not know love in its real form. Because that’s the only way you know love from the way you were treated.
It’s a terrible thing to get stuck in a relationship like this and find out 30 years later that you only ended up with an abusive man because of your own childhood – what a waste of years.
This is why, as a woman, you need to stop blindly doing things without THINKING. Think, analyse and tap into your masculine abilities. SEE something for what it is. And IF – on top of that – your intuition actually tells you that this is a bad situation, listen to it. And listen to your friends – often, you can’t see something for what it is clearly when you are IN IT.
9) He blames you a lot.
Some men just constantly blame women for things that go wrong in their life. There’s a legitimate reason for this; men don’t understand women; so they cannot handle them; and when they can’t handle them and they see their lives falling apart, then the EASIEST thing to do is look for someone to blame; a WOMAN!
See – If a man’s reaction to problems in the relationship is to blame you, or constantly point out where you went wrong, then you have a problem.
Either 1) you’ve been together a long time and YOU have been blaming HIM a lot, so now he does it to you because he can only take so much blame from you – OR blaming women – or blaming you – is a habit he uses to avoid properly dealing with problems.
A side note: a man who responds to problems with silence and disappears for a day or even 2 and then calls you again doesn’t mean he is a commitment phobic man. He might be the type to go away and think about it.
Don’t rule this out. Sometimes it’s hard to know if a man is the more spiritual type and actually DOES do the work to think through a problem and quietly deals with it himself away from you without talking about it but that’s part of the game of dating and of life – you have to learn and understand and make decisions in your life.
The other thing: 2) This man might simply not want to take responsibility for anything in a relationship. Some human beings remain adults in children’s bodies for the rest of their lives. It’s unfortunate, but it happens.
10) He looks down on other married couples.
If a man talks badly about men who are married, or who are taking care of children, then it’s a pretty good sign he doesn’t care much for a deep commitment with a woman.
And it’s a good sign that he is turned off the idea of family and prefers to be alone.
For example, if he sees men with babies and says things like: “when I see men like that, I think, “I don’t envy you!” or “I’m glad I’m not you!”.
Or…he sees married men and talks down at them, like they are less than him, and are stupid, or dumb for making the choice to be married – then you know this man takes A LOT of self-importance and feelings of significance by being unattached to a woman, and without a family.
Please remember, no ONE sign here is a definite indicator that a man is a commitment phobic.
Any random one or two signs could just be isolated signs that don’t mean a man is a commitment phobic.
I cannot say for SURE what combination of the above 10 definitely indicates that a man is a commitment phobic.
But – I CAN say for sure that, a mix of at least 4 (FOUR) of these signs of a commitment-phobic man means you should tread carefully and re-think the situation you are in. (Learn how to make a man commit)
A WARNING about the above Advice:
See, the problem is always this, and it’s something that is purely your responsibility as a female:
As a woman, you WILL at times, see a lack of commitment irrationally when a man IS actually committed.
This is going to happen!
And you have to learn to recognise that; or at least tap into your masculine energy a bit more, and therefore think more logically and from a detached perspective, so that you don’t over-complicate EVERYTHING and push away a perfectly committed man.
Let me quickly tell you why you see a lack of commitment irrationally when a man IS committed:
1) As a human being with proportionally more FEMININE hormones, your rules for commitment won’t always be the same as his, since he is a male and his world is completely different from yours.
2) As a woman, you have a certain behaviour that is hard-wired into you.
This behaviour is called Testing.
You test, test, test, men all the time, subconsciously, irrationally, and well…nearly constantly, until a man has spent long enough with you that you can relax and trust him more.
Truth is, men leave, men disappear – it’s happened for centuries.
Mother nature GAVE you the gift of testing to keep you and your future children safer, and to help you be more in tune with men and what’s really happening.
But this gift from mother nature also comes at a price: you test sometimes when you don’t logically need to.
Convenient, huh? The complications that can come with being a woman and the emotional pretzels we can be!
What to do Now:
1) Remember, 4 or more of these above signs mean: seriously think through the relationship you have gotten yourself in to.
2) Less of these signs or any ONE of these signs beings present could just be put down to the fact that you are with a MALE, who really is just a wild animal.
He might still be willing to commit – but he’s also still a male. And you will encounter this with every single masculine man on earth – there’s always some commitment resistance, even if a man doesn’t tell you that there is. He is made that way.
3) If you are unsure what to do with your relationship situation, yet you think the man you are with has the potential to commit to you (you’ll be surprised) – then I have the solution put entirely in my Commitment Masterclass. Click here to watch the video.
Now over to YOU – help the rest of us women out and let us learn from you! What sign (or signs) have you noticed indicate that a man is a commitment phobic?